Confidence Classic: Get UNSTUCK From Your Negative Thoughts with Trish Blackwell Top-Ranked Podcast Host & Confidence Coach

0:00To full capacity of the human experience, you've got to allow yourself to understand your feeling. Have emotional intelligence. Confidence isn't, well, I believe it's a skill, but it's also very much an emotion. It's also a mindset. You can put it in lots of different categories, but if you really want to master confidence, we've got to master emotional intelligence. I don't want just a successful life. I want a beautiful life. And I believe that emotions allow that. You got to be willing to feel it. You got to be brave. So you can be brave in all these things, going up and being bold, being on stage, closing huge deals, but the next level of bravery is the emotional bravery.

0:29And then, I mean, what's available to you is nuts. I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. That's in your seat. I'm ready for my close-up. Did you know I recently celebrated having created 450 episodes of this podcast? And we are still going strong. Thank you for listening. That is a lot of topics and amazing guests. So I thought I would put together a few of my listener favorites for the month of September as bonuses on Thursdays to help you catch up on what you may have missed so you can keep growing your confidence with these confidence classics.

1:10Let me know what you think.

1:17I'm so excited for you to meet my new friend, Trish Blackwell. She's an expert empowering people to get past self-doubt, overcome self-limiting beliefs, and perform at their highest level. She's our kind of people, confidence coach to Olympic and professional athletes, Ironman champions, CEOs, high achieving entrepreneurs and cultural influencers. She's been featured by TLC, Forbes, Entrepreneur and Elite Daily as one of the top confidence coaches in the world. Her approach to confidence has equipped and empowered an audience of over, get ready for it, 3.5 million people worldwide through her top-ranked podcast, The Confidence Podcast.

2:01Her books, her coaching, and her online confidence university, The College of Confidence, also considered the most encouraging place on the internet. She lives in Washington, D.C. with her husband and two young children. Trish, thank you so much for being here. Well, I'm so excited to be here. So thank you for having me. I'm excited for our new friendship. You're the best. I'm loving, I love what women are doing in the world. And so to partner and collaborate alongside other women who are my people, like you said, hello. Well, I want to give everybody a little behind the scenes on that. So for me, maybe like a month ago, another female podcaster reached out to me and she said, Hey, I know that some people might see you and I as competitive or in the same arena, whatever.

2:44I don't see it that way. She said, I think it'd be cool if you come on my show, I'll come on yours. And if our listeners like the other person, they'll go follow them. And then we both grow and touch more people. It's a positive. So I sent you a DM doing the same thing because I knew your podcast is so big and it's on the same topic as my podcast. But I thought, let's see, you know, if she's not like-minded, that's, you know, that's not the right person for me to partner with. But immediately you were like, oh my gosh, great idea. Yes, let's work together. And it's so exciting to see people not competing, but instead saying, how can we help one another to help more people?

3:18I, okay. And so you and I already connected on how we're both like, when I say I'm competitive, I'm like, like it's, it's, I've been in therapy to like get it down and like in control. Right. And it's a great thing. So I have loved what some mentors in my life have just like, I don't believe in competition. I believe in competition for your own sake, but I believe in collaboration and competition when you're feeling like you have competitors, especially in business, I'm like, that's just insecurity. Like a couple of times, we are in the field of confidence. And it's so interesting because to relay that scenario, about a year ago, I'd reached out to a fellow Feeble podcaster, also in our sphere.

3:55And she very much rejected me and went like this. So when you reached out, I was like, someone who's like me. Okay. She's nice. Like, I think I had been so dejected from some of that. And I went, well, I, I'm just going to keep loving people. And the more we collaborate, the more we serve people. Furthermore, I know of the topics on podcasts, especially that I jam out on, I listened to like five or six different shows that cover the same topic and they all serve me in a very different way. And I often purchase from all of those people because they mean something different. And it's like when, when people put that together and you're like, you literally, I so grateful for the people who share other people with me that I want to do that in this world too.

4:32You bring up such a great point that it's something that I've really only become aware of in the last couple of years. Everyone can be bringing the same message to light, but you're doing it through the lens of your experience, what's important to you, your priorities and expertise, which is going to be different than mine, right? So like you said, we can all speak to how to advance people, how to get them to the next level, how to get the most out of them, how to get them to the next level of confidence, but it's going to be a different approach. So a little resonate in different ways with different people and they're all needed.

5:04Oh, so true. Yes. When we get out of that comparative toxic cycle of trying to be better or trying to look better and these vanity metrics and you're like, wait, wait, wait, where was the heart behind this and the purpose? Because people see the authenticity and they know if you actually care about them. And furthermore, if you're showing them this world to make the world better, it's not actually about you. but we get into, we get, you start looking around, you get out of your lane, just like I was a swimmer. And if I ever, even my peripheral vision looked over girl, I lost the race. I was also a sprinter.

5:38And so like eyes have to be forward and like on the black line and that's it. And I even care about where my competitor is in a race. I've lost it. I've lost my race because I didn't have my mind in my own lane. And yet we live in a world that we're constantly comparing. We are scrolling on social media. We're being told. And what happens is we actually, we're shooting ourselves in the foot because our subconscious is hearing messages of comparison and criticism and competition from a striving hustle versus insecurity sense. Let me prove myself, make my way versus I belong here. This sense of ease and like, I'm made for this.

6:18I'm going to go help people. And it's such a different energy, right? And I think a lot of people, when we start our businesses, I think you You start with that hustle energy of like, I'm going to make it. And then you really hit your stride when you trust that you belong. You trust that in the compound effect of your efforts. It's kind of cool to watch that grow. I even look at my own journey and go, wow, it's cool. Like you literally can see each transformation of just going acceptance and confidence in what you're doing as you make massive mistakes and figure it out. But it's kind of, and you look at it as a game.

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8:45And so I would have coaches be like, Trish, you've got so much potential. but we need you to try to stop trying so hard. Hey, what we want you to do is just stop thinking. And I'm like, okay, so you're telling me to stop thinking and all I can do is think. And so I got really fascinated in that. And I started through college and I studied linguistics. So I was like, you know what? I'm just going to go live in Europe. This whole time as a high achiever had an eating disorder that was behind the scenes and a lot of perfectionistic tendencies, which we have already talked about is just a big old pretty bow for fear.

9:16And when I lived in France, I was like, hold up. They know something that I don't. And so I got so interested in the linguistics of it. And I can remember very distinctly sitting at this cafe and I went from being somebody who had my days booked as a collegiate athlete from like 4 a.m. to like, you know, 11 p.m. And then I go to France to teach English and they were like, you know, we don't need school today. And come have a glass of wine at lunch. I mean, it really was this like very stereotypical French experience of like, here, we're going to pay you full time, but really you need to work about 10 hours a week.

9:46So go have fun. I went from literally my whole life had been overbooked to now I found free time. And it was my first opportunity to go, well, how do you want to live your life? And what is important to you? And why are you hustling? What does it look like to sit with your, and at this point there were not smartphones, right? I had a dictionary and a notebook and I would just sit at a cafe and watch people go by and be like, oh, I don't know that vocabulary word for a scarf. Let me look that up. Like that's how I passed time. And I would tell you that experience changed my life because one day I was looking and I was feeling really insecure and I had been self-critical about my body and kind of what am I doing with my life?

10:21And I was like, huh, all these women, they're so beautiful. They're so confident. Like I was like, I'm, I'm so in admiration of them. And it wasn't because I think in the U S I was like, oh, it's because she looks like this and this and this, and she wears this. But there I was like, well, that woman's 20 pounds overweight and that woman's five pounds underweight. And that woman has a completely like goth style and this woman's very Parisian chic, but they're all gorgeous. What? Like that blew my mind. And then I was like, what is it? And I finally was like, it's confidence. That's what I want.

10:51And I, my whole life had come off as like super outgoing, you know, type A team captain of every like that achiever, I can flexible with everything. And so I'm technically on the surface, very confident, but I looked at these and I'm like, huh, these women have a different type of confidence than I do. And I looked up the French word. Now you can say in French to have confidence. You can use the word confident, but they don't really say it. What's more colloquially used is the phrase, which means to be well in your skin. So they wouldn't say meaning she's well in her skin. And I'm like, Oh, I'm not well in my skin.

11:29How do I, how do I get that? Like, how do I become comfortable in the skin I'm in? And then that started. And so I went back to us, became a personal trainer. And then in my training, I realized, look, I can get anyone to lose a hundred pounds. I can get anyone to lose five pounds and look amazing. But if I can't change their thoughts, they can hold it. They'll look good for a month and then it'll go back. And that's where I was like, okay, this is a moron to something. I was interested in the comp and the brain transformation. And so that got down me, got me down the path of coaching. And at the time I started my podcast, I started writing and it was like, okay, something I'm really well and broadly educated.

12:04and I don't know how to do this stuff. Where are we not having conversations? How are we not teaching people to think about their thoughts? Like, and I, as sports psychologist at the Division I school, I was just told to stop thinking. If that's what the help I was gotten, I'm at this elite level and these elite people are going, yeah, just, you know, just some visualization. And I mean, again, I had, Heather, I had access to such great resources and that's what I got. I went, okay, there's gotta be a better path. And what's very cool is, you know, you know, oh, you're like, I love something. And I don't know why it makes sense.

12:37The whole time when I was in college, I majored in French and Spanish. So, you know, why? I don't know. It's just like, that's my passion. I just was like, I know I'm supposed to do things with words. I just know it was evident to me. Like God had been like, yep, study words. I don't want to be a teacher. I don't want anything to, I thought maybe I'll go work for the CIA, do linguistics. And what was so cool about it was everyone was like, why are you majoring in that? Like you should go be a doctor. And I was like, I don't know. I just love dictionaries and words and looking them up in different languages.

13:06Like I just like, and you know, what's so cool. It did not make sense. I have incredibly expensive education, but it is 100 % what I do in confidence in my coaching. I, if you were to ask me, what do I do in my podcast and my coaching and my work, I help people look at the words their brain uses and help them find different words for them. That's all that is right. If we look at what mindset is, we are changing the language of the way our brain thinks. Where if you go to, you know, the neuroplasticity of the brain and creating new neural pathways, all we're trying to do, I really believe in the life coaching that I do.

13:37Hey, what is, what are the words you currently think? What are the default thoughts you have? Let's really seek to understand them. First we have to undercover the emotions. I mean, let's get beyond the self-criticism, get beyond the insecurity, find out what's the thought behind that. And now let's use a different language to get a different result and communicate to our future in a different way. And I was like, oh my gosh, it's so cool that this whole time when my parents were like, are you sure you want to do this? You sure we should be studying French? But I just knew deep down, I'm like, I'm called to words.

14:06And to be able to use that now full time, I'm like, that is what kind of got me down the rabbit hole. And along the way, I've just been blessed to have some friends to be like, hey, there's this new thing called podcasting. I think you should do it. I'm like, all right. I mean, I kind of always had a mentor who said, throw spaghetti on the wall and see what sticks. And I had never thought of it as a business. I just thought if it helps people, okay, that might be cool. Of course, I had to get over, like, I don't know the technology. I don't know if I can talk about anything. I mean, just, but I had enough people go, Hey, I think you should try it.

14:36And I was at that time single and I went, all right, I got time. Let's do it. And so, but it was, you know, I started my podcast in like 2013. Oh, good for you. That is so great. Well, what's crazy is it was like, it was at a time when I was working in a gym with like, you know, 3000 people who came through a day. So very high volume, very cool, great social thing. And everyone would be like, how's that? It's almost like that joke of like, how's that book going? Like for somebody who's not writing a book, but they say they are, Oh, that podcast. Oh, right. How do you do that? How do you find a podcast?

15:05Like no one knew what podcasts were, you know? So I'm loving that we're a day and age that people do. So it's gone full circle. Yeah. But that's the one that you got in at the right time. That is so great. Meet a different guest each week.

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18:32I've never heard the way that you just described it, right? Again, like we were saying, I've never heard this approach. And so I'm so intrigued. Can you give us a real world example of like someone that you worked with and what does that look like? And what are those words like? Well, let's see. So in helping someone understand why they're sabotaging their own success. So I I work with a lot of high achievers who then there's guilt of success, right? Hey, I'm doing so much better than everyone else. Is it wrong for me to want more? And so first we, so understanding, helping them identify emotions, like what is that guilt that you're feeling?

19:06Is it guilt? They wouldn't identify. I just, well, I think I'm enough. I should settle here and understanding, no, there's, there's emotion and going into what is behind, because if your thoughts create your feelings and your feelings create your actions, your actions create your results in life. Like everything goes back to the brain, to the thought. And so, but so many people just brush through the emotion and they don't identify. So if we want to identify one specific emotion, so it's guilt or overwhelm. Let's go, overwhelm is maybe an easier example to work with. I don't know. I'm just feeling so overwhelmed.

19:34Okay. So we can't allow that. And the overwhelm, what overwhelm will do is it confuses you. It's an indulgent emotion that when you're looking, especially if you look at a business project or growth project or weight loss or anything that you actually care about, it's very easy to feel overwhelmed. It feels insurmountable. And then you're like, I don't even know where to start. And we allow ourselves that cop-out. When really, overwhelm just clouds your thoughts. And I think about confidence as having clarity of thought. When it's cloudy, it's foggy, it's very hard to move forward. So overwhelm is the emotion.

20:06And so often we go, it's just my thought. And behind the overwhelm is typically fear. It really goes back to identifying what is the fear. And if you were honest, I can tell myself, here's a good scenario. Last time I was overwhelmed, my husband said, well, what are you, overwhelmed about. And I remember being very exasperated. I was like, you wouldn't understand. It's like 15 things. And he was like, well, what are they? And I was like, well, and girl, once I like listed them out, it was like four things. And then they were very manageable. And then I put them in words. And then ultimately behind that, I said, oh, I think I'm afraid that blah and whatever it was.

20:42And so if you break down that first, you break down the emotion. Why are you feeling the emotion? And now what are the thought? What What is the thought, the driving thought? Often with overwhelm, I'm afraid I'm not enough to do what it takes, or I'm afraid that I might go and embarrass myself and everyone's going to remember. And then when you have that, you can then talk back to it very directly to that thought to create the freedom to go have that courage to go and go, what's the worst thing that could happen? I think you and I, because we have enough competency of practice of knowing, all right, I feel fear.

21:12I also can go right to the worst case scenario and know, okay, what's the worst that can happen? Can I handle that? Yes, I can handle that. I can move forward. I think a lot of people can cognitively get that conceptually, but to get to the emotional ability to move through it, if you've never done it before, I think it's really helpful to go into breaking it down past the emotion to the thought and go, oh, you're afraid of that. Now you have your, your higher self, your future self answer that with a better sentence, with a better reframe. And the reframes of language aren't necessarily this positive reframe.

21:43Like we're not like, I'm afraid. I don't need to be afraid. I mean, sometimes you can be as simple as I'm really stressed. Stress is a choice. Sometimes you can speak very directly to yourself and kind of get yourself out of your own way. But then sometimes it's teaching yourself how to talk to yourself as a friend, as the mentor you need at that moment. Because so often we're just waiting for permission to say, is it okay to not feel this way? Or is it okay to feel this way? Can you tell me this will pass? Or as I think you've mentioned, oh, I feel really anxious about this opportunity. Oh, no, you don't, girl.