Confidence Classic: How To Keep Moving Forward When You Feel Discouraged with Heather!

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2:00Heather Monahan:That's U-P-W-O-R-K dot com. Upwork.com. There's got to be a solution. There's got to be a hack. And there always is. You just haven't found it yet. Maybe you've forgotten some of the solutions that are available to you. Maybe you haven't researched enough to find out there's a big one out there you haven't found, or maybe you haven't met the right person yet who's going to give you the keys and the answer that you're looking for. Things can change so quickly. Every day is a gift. Every day a miracle can happen. A blessing can occur. You have not met all the people in your life that are going to love you yet.

2:33Heather Monahan:You haven't experienced all of the amazing things this life has to offer you yet. Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to, so these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week.

3:12Heather Monahan:Okay, first of all, I just wanted to mention something that I just had this revelation myself about, which is how quickly we can forget things. It's terrible. But so let me give you an example. And hopefully you can relate to this in your own life. I threw my back out right before I got fired. I was 43 years old, right? So it's five years ago. I threw my back out. I was losing my hair. was a hot mess. And it was because I was working alongside with someone that hated me and was making my life miserable. And I wouldn't walk away from it. So she ended up having to fire me. Cut to the point of this is, I was in so much pain when I threw my back out.

3:53Heather Monahan:It was insane. That was worse pain than having a C-section and giving birth, no doubt, for sure. And it went on for a really long time. It wasn't something that healed really quickly, right? So and I am sure anyone that's listening right now that's had back pain or back trauma understands us. It's probably, I mean, it's definitely one of the worst things, right? So to that end, I remember I had to stop working out for a while. And I am one of those people that working out for me is like my saving grace. It is what I look forward to every day. I get so excited about it, right? That's something that really makes my day and makes me feel amazing and proud and uplifted.

4:31Heather Monahan:You need to have something like this in your life. It doesn't have to be working out, right? For you, it might be meditating or gardening or, I don't know, drinking your morning coffee on the balcony. It could be whatever's special and resonates for you. But for me, it's working out. So I had to give it up for a while. The doctor said I could not work out at first. I could only go to PT. And that was devastating. I got big time into meditation during that time because I had to find some kind of other outlet. Right. And then I researched every flipping way under the sun that I could heal my back faster.

5:04Heather Monahan:Right. Like I was ordering every concoction on Amazon, electrical stimulants to heal your back. Done. Overnight, it's in my house. I'm always one of these people that's like, there's got to be a solution. There's got to be a hack. And there always is. P.S. Okay, so let's just put it out there. There always is a hack and there always is a solution. You just haven't found it yet, right? So I found a couple of little gadgets like that that definitely help. They help get rid of some inflammation and literally found this stuff on Amazon. on. And then after a little while, my doctor said I could start going to yoga and yoga totally helped in a huge way.

5:39Heather Monahan:I'm kind of disappointed in me because I have not been into yoga now for gosh, a year and a half, or maybe even more. So not good, Heather, I need to get back at it. But anyhow, so the point is this is that so I figured out these hacks. And then I started learning new things like I had not been into yoga before. And then I started loving yoga, right? All the like, Like this was all new to me. And the point is this, is that there's always a solution. You just don't know what it is yet. Number one. Number two, there's things out there that you're just not familiar with that you might love. Like I loved yoga and I'm sitting here and I like literally forgotten about it.

6:12Heather Monahan:I got to get back at it. And so it's on us to constantly be looking and learning and understanding and sometimes remembering, like I'm remembering yoga right now. I forget about things. Cut to. All right. So it took a few months before my back healed and then I could work out again. I've never pushed myself to the level I used to work out. I used to run like nine or 10 miles a day. I mean, I was super hardcore doing, you know, boot camps. And I don't do that kind of stuff anymore just because I decided I don't ever want to go through something like that again. So I've never pushed myself to that level again.

6:46Heather Monahan:But I still work out like a madman and love it and do so many fun things. But I definitely spin more than ever because it's low impact, right? It doesn't there's zero risk of getting injured when I'm spinning. So, again, as you get older, you make different choices. So cut to after I was injured and took a few months off and your body's going to change. Right. So I lost a lot of muscle during that time. And so when I got back to running after my back injury, which was probably, I don't know, eight months or a year later, the first time I ever even ran a mile, I injured my Achilles. Not terribly, but, you know, I kind of pulled it.

7:24Heather Monahan:And so I started doing research into why did that happen? And what I learned was, it's really all about your calf muscle. But I didn't know that I have super skinny chicken legs, they used to call me chicken legs when I was a kid. And so if I'm not aggressively working out my legs, like lifting deadlifts and lifting for my calves, they get small. So during that time, when I threw my back out, my calf muscles were probably non-existent. And then I go jump on a track somewhere and start running like, you know, I'm, you know, prepping for the Olympics. So not shocking that I injured my Achilles. And again, I didn't tear it, but it definitely I couldn't run for a while again.

8:04Heather Monahan:Cut to if you've been watching this show or listening to the show for a while, you know that a little over a month ago, I got hurt and I had to stop working out again for a month. Well, as I've, over the last week, started working out again, the doctor said I could work out. I've been spinning, of course, first. But then the other day, I just said to myself, oh my gosh, the weather's amazing in Florida right now. The thing I would love to do is go for a run. So I did, and I went for a run. And of course, the next day, my Achilles is killing me. And I had forgotten what I learned last time, which is when you take time off from working out, at least for me, I lose a lot of muscle and my calves aren't really big right now.

8:46Heather Monahan:And I look down and see exactly why I re-injured my Achilles. So all I'm trying to do is remind you, oh my gosh, when you go through these situations, whether you get injured or you go through a hard time, remember the last time it happened to you to jog your memory about what the things are that worked and what didn't work. I wish I had done that before I went running out the door. What I would had done is for a couple weeks lifted first for my calves, strengthened my legs so that I would be in a better position to run without any injury. And now instead I'm sitting here icing it, but first world problems are going to get better.

9:21Heather Monahan:And of course there always is a solution. And it's so funny today. I found a really good video online researching the Achilles injury. How can you help heal an Achilles quickly? And I had never seen this. There's a way that you can massage your own Achilles, which is supposed to help, of course, ice on and off and elevating your leg, you know, and taking easy, low impact, of course, right? All these things we know, but this whole thing about massaging my calf a certain way and doing this certain wall stretch, which I knew about to, but I didn't do. So most of it's stuff I already knew, but I just got to put into practice, right?

9:54Heather Monahan:How often is that the case? We know what we should do. We just got to make ourselves do it. So the minute you get the slightest injury, you're like, whoo, red flag, I pump the brakes. I'm going down a different route here. I am stretching. I am icing. I am not pushing myself. And I'm back on the Peloton today. But that's okay because it's still amazing. And I'm so grateful having lost months before of working out. I still feel really grateful. And I think that's so important to you, no matter what challenge you're going through, to know that it's temporary. I had a bad day the other day and my son had stayed out too late and I was on such little sleep and I was just frustrated.

10:31Heather Monahan:You know, when you're like mad, but for nothing, you know what? He's 15 years old. When I was 15 years old, I was jumping out windows, my parents home, right. Going to parties. So I can't get mad that this kid wants to go to a party and I let him go. And then, you know, he stays out till midnight. I'm frustrated because I'm tired. However, um, c 'est la vie, right. I'm glad he has great friends and he has such a fun time with his friends. So I was just frustrated the next day and feeling bad for myself and in a funk. and I couldn't go for a run because I pulled my Achilles and the things I wanted to do, I couldn't do.

11:05Heather Monahan:And I had to stop myself and say, okay, wait a minute, this is temporary. Tomorrow you're gonna feel so much better because you're gonna get a good night's sleep tonight. Number one, that is game changing, literally. So I'm gonna think more clearly. I'm gonna be in a better mindset and I need to stop this little pity party I'm having. This is helping no one. So I paused. I reminded myself, this is very, it's going to be short lived. It's one day or I'm not going to feel great and I can get through it and I can focus on what I'm grateful for. And that's what I did. And, you know, focused on my health and my healing and the fact that my son has friends and he gets to, you know, be with them.

11:43Heather Monahan:And, you know, just life is so good. And just like the littlest things, I love flowers. I'm always getting fresh flowers from Whole Foods and I have the most beautiful flowers right now. And so I'm grateful for those, right? Like you could be grateful for so much. it's just a choice and taking that minute to reflect upon it so i hope today you take a minute if you're having a hard day to remember this is short term it's going to pass and there's a lot that a good night's sleep some water eating healthy can help you in 24 hours completely turn your day around i promise you that and things can change so quickly maybe you've forgotten some of the solutions that are available to you maybe you haven't researched enough to find out there's a big one out there you haven't found or maybe you haven't met the right person yet who's going to give you the keys and the answer that you're looking for.

12:27Heather Monahan:So it is all out there. It's on us to find it. So I'm hoping you're looking for that next solution for you.

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14:47Heather Monahan:Over the past couple of days, I've had a bunch of interviews for the show, and I'm super excited. We have some amazing episodes coming up. One of them that you're going to hear in the next couple of weeks is from the founder of Waze who sold his company to Google for$1.1 billion. And I'm always talking about finding solutions. He's always focused on what the problem is. And it was so interesting sitting down with him and hearing this reverse engineering way he approaches things. So I thought it was kind of a cool concept for all of us to apply to our lives, to our challenges, to our business situations or business concepts or platforms.

15:23Heather Monahan:How can we flip it and look at it the other way? And it's really eye-opening when you do it. So I can't wait for you to hear that episode. But one of the major takeaways that he reminded me of that I hadn't thought of in forever was how important the first 10 to 60 seconds are when you meet someone. And literally what he explained to me, and I've forgotten about this. I knew it years ago when I was in my 20s. I remember it was like one of the first thing you learned in sales, right, was how you appear and present yourself and walk into a situation and smiling and hand extended and how your shoulders back and like walking in with confidence, you know, and a strong energy of who you are.

16:05Heather Monahan:That is critical to hitting it off with people. So much so, he shared this with me on the show and you'll hear it. he meets with private equity and VC venture capitalists. So PE and VC groups, people who are funding startups and entrepreneurs. And he asked them this question, which I thought was super cool. He said, you know, how quickly do you know when a company or an entrepreneur is someone that you're going to invest in? And he asked, I mean, a hundred of them. He works with all of the biggest PE and VC firms. And he said, almost unequivocally, they all have the same answer. By the moment they're opening the door and walking through it, as soon as they see them, they know how they hold themselves, position themselves, their smile, every like the confidence they have, they know immediately.

16:55Heather Monahan:And when I challenged him on that, I thought, well, that's kind of crazy. It sounds more in regards to like how someone's dressed or if you know how they have their hair. That's awful. And he said, wait a minute, is it? He said, no, I don't think so. He said, I think it's about gut instinct and how someone responds to initially meeting someone. And I don't think that's awful. He said, Heather, I think that's factual. He said, let me ask you a question. If you're going to go on a date with a guy and how soon is it from the minute you actually meet him in real life? Do you know if you're going to like him or not?

17:28Heather Monahan:And I said, well, that's really fast, you know, right away. Right. And he said, oh, you do. Okay. So what's that about? I said, I guess it's gut instinct. He said, okay, another question. How about this one? How quickly do you know if you're going to hire someone when you're interviewing them? I said, oh my gosh, the first minute I know. It's very clear to me. Very rarely would I unwind, you know, an answer or an opinion if someone sat down and I loved them immediately. Very rarely would I be wrong on that. And I said, okay, so that's your answer. And it just, it was a great reminder to me that the way we show up and walk into situations, we've got to be more thoughtful of because even that day that I had a bad day the other day, what if I had walked into a meeting all grumpy, bringing my bad attitude in some way or having lower energy in some way than I normally do?

18:13Heather Monahan:I wouldn't be showing up as the best version of myself. So I'm challenging you for this week ahead to show up as that best, brightest version of yourself. Put in that extra effort. Think about what you're going to wear. Think about getting yourself together and getting that smile on and feeling good about who you are. Because when you walk in the door feeling like that, people are going to love who you are. I mean, it's just, it's naturally going to happen that way. And to know how many people are willing to shut someone down if they don't do it, it's worth it to take the extra minute. Okay. I loved his advice on that.

18:44Heather Monahan:All right. And that was definitely one that I had forgotten about. All right. So interesting thing happened in the last week, go check out my IG. I posted a reel about Catherine Heigl, who's an actress, very famous actress actually. And she was being asked on an interview and the interview is old. It was about, you know, how people say she's rude and she was defending herself. This post, it's so crazy, has more views than any post ever. By the way, it's not me in the post, it's her, right? So it's interesting because it already has almost 5 million views in the last few days. And I just wanted to share with you, if you're someone who posts on social media, or maybe you're just interested in understanding social media, I'm super interested in it because it's basically free advertising for your business.

19:30Heather Monahan:And it's a way for you to build your personal brand, which is an investment in you. If you're not posting on social media, I strongly suggest you develop a strategy and start doing it. Hello, goals 2023. Let's go giddy up. So here's what I learned. And listen, the only way you're going to figure things out is looking at other feeds, seeing what's working, trying to identify what commonalities or threads that you can pull together and then apply back to yourself. So controversy, whether you like it or not, sadly, in our world is something that draws people in. And on some level, this is what I'm, you know, basically deducting from what I've seen on my feed, which I put a lot of positive stuff up on my feed.

20:10Heather Monahan:This was not that positive, it was a bit more controversial, because it's begging the question, I said something in the actual post about, you know, I'm done with apologizing for who I am. And you know, I stand up for myself now or whatever. And I'm proud of who I am, something like that. And people, oh my gosh, there's over a thousand comments of people kind of really harshly having their own opinion. Some very much to one side, some to the other, meaning some people are very much like, absolutely, you should absolutely own who you are. No apology necessary. Then just as much on the other side, people are saying, no, this woman is super negative.

20:47Heather Monahan:And it's not about the fact that she's a woman, right? There's all these different threads of arguments going on, where some people are arguing, saying she's only under the microscope because she's a woman. Some people are saying, no, men are put under the microscope too. No, she just actually is rude. No, she, you know, so it's just so interesting. The controversy, I guess, or the controversial element or argument allowing portion of this is what's definitely, in my opinion, made it go viral. However, thousands of people have saved it, which meant, you know, thousands of people want that reminder to stand up for themselves and not apologize.

21:21Heather Monahan:That's kind of how I took it. And thousands of people have shared it, which is interesting. And when I look at the shares, most of it is people saying stand up for yourself, right? So it's just, it's kind of interesting. But again, the takeaway to me, because I always want to look at things from a data or an analytical standpoint, you know, what can you learn from this? Why is society so pulled into this? And it reminded me of the Meghan Markle, you know, phenomenon right now, Prince Harry phenomenon. On Twitter, almost every day, those two are trending right now, right? So there's so much controversy in their lives because of their Netflix documentary, because of his book coming out and because, you know, they moved out of the UK and left their, I guess, Royal Post or whatnot.

22:01Heather Monahan:There's controversy and it's very polarizing people. You're either team Harry and Meghan or you're not, or you're team, you know, OG UK, I guess. So people are literally having fights and feuds over this, but the bottom line is it's trending now when you talk about it. So of course I'm gonna post something about Meghan Markle. Not giving my opinion on it either way, but just putting it out there to see, am I right on this from a data standpoint? Is it just the ability to have a polarizing figure so that people, they want their voice to be heard on that? I'm not sure. I'm super curious as to what you think.

22:34Heather Monahan:So send me a DM or go to the post and leave a comment. I'll definitely see it. I'm just interested. It says a lot about our society and this interest maybe in being heard and wanting your opinion to be heard. But then for some people, I do believe some people just want to argue and those are the people you do not want to respond to. I definitely don't respond to. But it definitely got my attention this week as when you see something go viral to that level, you got to pause and just think, what does that mean about the community? What does it mean about people in general? And what does that say about society?

23:07Heather Monahan:And what can we learn from it, right? Good, bad, or indifferent, there's always something to be learned. Speaking of posts, I put a post up on LinkedIn actually today. And so if you are listening to this, please go back and check out my LinkedIn post. But it said something like this, Sunday reminder, you have not met all the people in your life that are going to love you yet. You just haven't. You haven't met all the friends that you're actually going to have in this lifetime yet. And you haven't experienced all of the amazing things this life has to offer you yet either, right? And then I go on to say, this is fact, and it is, right?

23:43Heather Monahan:Because you really haven't. And I know at different times in my life, I thought I had, which is kind of funny because I look back now, no, right? Every day is a gift. And every day we don't know what's about to unfold. And that is so incredibly exciting. I get so excited about that. Every day, a miracle can happen, a blessing can occur. And all of that is not up to us, right? It's up to what's happening outside in the world and what we just might happen to walk into. So it's super exciting. I hope you feel excited about getting up today, tomorrow, you know, and every day. But to me, I made the point that I have a lot of friends and I've been blessed with a lot of friends.

24:20Heather Monahan:I also put a lot of time and effort, energy into keeping my friendships up. But I mean, it's that's like one of the big blessings of my life is that I have incredible friends all over the country. And I never really thought about gaining new friends. I frankly think I have enough or too many and that I shouldn't be adding to the tribe. But when the pandemic hit, I started meeting so many people online that I spent more time with than I normally would have because it was a pandemic and we were in lockdown. And I made incredible new friends, brand new friends, right? In my late 40s on a computer, which is so weird.