Confidence Classic: How To Pull Yourself Out of a Negative Headspace with Heather!

0:00Heather Monahan:Every business is asking the same question. How do we make AI work for us? The possibilities are endless and guessing it's too risky. NetSuite is the number one AI cloud ERP trusted by over 43 ,000 businesses. It's a unified suite that brings your financials, inventory, commerce, HR, and CRM into a single source of truth. From software and IT services to healthcare, equipment manufacturing, financial services, and many other great American industries, NetSuite delivers a customized solution for your business. This isn't another bolted-on tool. It's AI built into the system that runs your business.

0:35Heather Monahan:If I had needed this product, it's exactly what I would use. If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, Demystifying AI, at netsuite.com slash Monaghan. The guide is free to you at netsuite.com slash Monaghan, netsuite.com slash Monaghan. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com slash confidence for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Quince.com slash confidence. Hiring help shouldn't be a headache or a drain on your budget. Thousands of growing businesses already trust Upwork to hire flexible, high quality freelance talent for everything from one-off projects to ongoing support.

1:19Heather Monahan:Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. Upwork.com. Live shopping on WhatNot is exploding right now. On WhatNot, you go live and sell directly to people in real time. They see what you've got, ask questions, and buy. Visit WhatNot.com slash sell to start selling. WhatNot.com slash sell. Start making money on the side. It's www.fanview.com today and launch your career. That's keeperssecurity.com slash confidence for 60 % off personal and family plans. Something is truly meant for you. No one can sabotage that for you. When God closes the door, there is nothing anyone can do, including yourself to open it.

2:03Next door isn't going to open if If you're clinging on for dear life to that locked one that you're never going to unlock. At 43, getting fired, we had no idea that that was God's redirection for me. God closed that door, not only on that company and that woman, but on that industry. I would have never written Confidence Creator, my first book. I would have never written my second book, Overcome Your Villains. I would have never launched this podcast that you're listening to right now. I wouldn't have moved into this unknown if God hadn't shut that door. took something awful happening for something incredible to happen.

2:37If that door is meant to be open for you, there is no one that can stop it.

2:41Heather Monahan:I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to. So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, first of all, can I say a big shout out and thank you to you.

3:17I don't know if anyone said thank you today to you, but I want to be the one to say thank you so much. I just saw that this show that you're listening to right now is number 10 on the entrepreneur chart on Apple podcast and number 23 on the top business podcast on Apple in the US. That's incredible. I mean, I have had this on my list of accomplishments that I wanted to achieve, right? So I've been very intentional about it from the time I launched the show in 2019, but it has definitely been a grind, right? This is, we're three years in and of course, things don't always just explode overnight, even though we wish they would.

3:59So I just want to say thank you because every time you listen, every time you share the show, every time you tell another person that you like the show or you post about it or you offer me feedback, it just, you know, you're encouraging me, you're helping me grow the show. And this is a big part of my business and a big part of what I do. So thank you. It really means the world to me. And I'm so grateful for you listening today and whenever you do listen.

4:23Heather Monahan:So thank you so much. Okay. So I wanted to share with you, it's so funny, when we are feeling badly, which happens to everyone, right? We all have bad days, which by the way, I think it's funny when I do speaking engagements at my live Q &As, people always say, how do you keep yourself so positive all the time? I don't. No one does. No one is positive all the time. Granted, there's certain things I've learned to do to keep myself in between the lines of positive and not derail entirely. but of course I have bad days. I know who to dial when those bad days come. I know what things to do for me, right?

5:01If I work out, boom, I'm going to bounce right back. If I hit my playlist that literally speaks to me in a way that no one else can, boom, I'm going to be coming back, right? There's certain things I can do that I know will help me reset, reframe, and move forward. But But again, this is I'm 48 years old, right? I didn't know these things a long time ago. And it was so funny. I was having a conversation with a young woman the other day. She's crazy over her boyfriend. And she was telling me some crazy stuff she's doing. And I was saying, oh, my gosh, that's crazy. Right. I was just trying to give her, you know, an honesty check that, oh, no, you don't need to do things like that, that that's not helpful for you or for him.

5:44And that's not going to improve your life or your relationship. In the long run, I strongly suggest you don't do that, right? Kind of obsessive type of things. And she said she understood, but it was really hard for her because she felt compelled to do it. And you could tell she was really frustrated. She didn't want to be doing it. She was disappointed in herself. I've been there, right? We've all been there. We've made bad decisions in relationships because of our issues that we have from our past. And she was having a difficult time. She had acknowledged it, which is huge and amazing, but she couldn't stop herself.

6:18It was driving her nuts. So I tried to give her a little bit of empathy and share with her. I said, listen, you think it's so great that I know to do all these things, but I'm 48. You're 30, right? When I was 30, I didn't know. So I said, here's the thing. At 30, your skin is perfect. Your body is functioning and recovering so quickly. And your life is so entirely different than at 48. You know, my eyesight was perfect. then not so much now right so there's so many things that have changed not necessarily for the better at 48 however there are some things that have changed for the better you've had life lessons and experiences and read books and met incredible people and you know you've learned and been through that journey that growth journey to advance yourself so I guess my point to her and the point I want to share this with you is no matter where you are right now there's going to be some things about you that are amazing, and you should feel so proud of.

7:13And maybe some things you're still working on or aren't as great as they were years ago. And that's okay, too. But you know, no one's nailing it on all levels. And that was my message to her. Listen, yeah, I might have advanced from an emotional standpoint of where I was 18 years ago. But at the same time, there's some major deterioration over here, you see me wearing glasses right now for a reason. So don't take it as one is good and one is bad. They're all just part of the process. So things are always changing. You always have that opportunity to get up the next day and make a better choice.

7:43And I'm hoping that she does now that she's empowered with more knowledge. Just don't forget, you know, information's where it all starts, but then it moves to application. You need to apply the information to your life if you want to have transformation in your life.

7:57Heather Monahan:Okay. So as I was thing. When you're not feeling great, and we all don't feel great, sometimes there are plenty of things we can do. I mentioned working out, you know, meditation, listening to music, you know, surrounding yourself with your A team that pulls you up when you're down, right? Some people journal, some people might, you know, want to be outside in the outdoors. Everyone's got something different. It's important to know what those go to's are. When I was in a really tough time in my life, I used to have a post-it note up that would tell me when you're not feeling well, hit it. And I just listed like seven things to go do.

8:32And I knew if I would do those seven things, I'd feel fine. So, or at least a heck of a lot better. Well, I was reminded because of an event, one of my clients had a charity event last night. I'm actually recording this on a Sunday. And last night I went to a charity event in Palm beach and yeah, it was two hours away, right? Quite the trek to get there. So obviously, you know, I had to leave my son, which, you know, at three in the afternoon, which meant he was going to have to figure out how to get himself to the haircut place, how to, you know, get dinner, how to get to his friend's house that night, right?

9:05There was a lot of issues that seemed to be a little bit complicated or whatnot that had to work out. So it was kind of, it wasn't ideal, right? I much would have preferred this event be in Miami. That would have been a lot easier. And it wasn't. So I made the commitment to go, my son had to make the commitment to work things out for himself and empower himself to be more independent. And I took the two hour trek out to Palm Beach. Well, when I got there, I was so happy to get there. Number one, I invited a lot of people and it was so great to see my team that put together and worked with me and helped me so much and empowered me to give my TEDx talk.

9:42They were there. And so I hadn't seen them together in a while. And it was just such a cool, you know, it was what a cool night for us to be together again. You know, it's just so nice to see friends that support you and cheer you on. And it was so great to hear what had been going on in their lives. And it was just cool. You know, always invite people when you have something going on. You never know who might, you know, have the ability to show up. And it's just so great to be able to spend time with people that you wouldn't always get the chance to see and think and and to spend time with. So that was so cool getting to see friends I hadn't seen in a while.

10:13Love that. I always love that. And then the other element that I hadn't forgot about it, but I wasn't top of mind with it. And what's interesting is anytime I go to a charity event or something that's, you know, give back a service type of event, it is impossible to leave those type of events and not feel better about yourself as a human, not feel better about your life, not feel happier, not feel joy. And some level, I guess I I'd forgotten about that because I thought, well, this is, you know, it was one of my client's events and it was just a dinner. And, you know, we were doing a presentation about this charity.

10:53And no, let me just tell you this. Any time that you have the ability to go to some type of a service or charity event, go. Even if you think, oh, it's not that big a deal. If I miss it, just go. If for no other reason, go because you're doing more good in the world. Go because you're going to walk away feeling joyful and proud and grateful. And it's so interesting. I took an Uber on the way up and I was, you know, kind of like, oh gosh, I can't believe I'm in this car for so long, you know, complaining and first world problems. And I could have been doing this and I could have been doing that.

11:27And then on the way home, I was on cloud nine and just feeling so grateful and so lucky, lucky that I have clean water, lucky that I have a home for my son where he's safe and cared for. You know, this bucket ministry is a charity that has dedicated their lives to not only bring clean water to everyone in the world. And when I tell you these third world countries, we watch so much footage and video and heard from people who have gone and done the work. You know, they're dying because they don't have clean water. Their children are dying because they can't get clean water. And it's deplorable and disgusting what's happening.

12:03And we're so far away from it, we don't realize it's real until we're face to face with it like I was last night. And so it was just it was incredible to see the work that they're doing. And they're also not only are they saving these people with this unbelievable water filter that they have, that's incredible. And literally with$50, you can save one family. I had my son do it and now he can track the family that he saved. It's so incredible and amazing. but this small dollar amount that to us would be a lunch or a dinner or whatever, something that doesn't seem that massive can save a family's life.

12:39It was just, it was so incredible. And to see that the work that they're doing, they don't only go there to purify the water and teach these families how to purify their own water with this device, which is manufactured in Florida. And it's incredible, but they also go to bring, you know, the word of the Lord to them and let them know that they are loved and that they are a child of God. And so many people in these circumstances don't realize that. And they're just giving them knowledge and encouragement and empowerment. And it's so incredibly beautiful. So I was so grateful to be a part of this evening and I left feeling so blessed, so lucky and so good.

13:15Now cut to, so I get home last night and it's late because, you know, this is two hours away from where I live and my son still wasn't home. So I'm texting him 15 year old out on his own night in Miami with his friends because his mom's gone. And I'm texting him, come home. Where are you? You know, are you crazy? Get home. I need to go to bed and I can't fall asleep till he gets home. Obviously, that would be a rookie move, which I would not make. So I say get home. I need to go to bed, right? I mean, I have a huge I have 10 speeches this week. Okay, 10. This is like old school 2019 levels where I'm doing multiple speeches a day.

13:51And they're not all in person. There are a few that are virtual. But it's still it's intense, right? You're giving all of your energy you want to prepare ahead of time, you need great sleep leading up to weeks like this. If you want to kill it, right, you need to be taking your vitamins, you need to be on your A game. And my kids know where to be found. And it's 1115 at night. So to say I was a little frustrated is an understatement. So I'm firing up the text messages saying, get home now, get home now, blah, blah, blah. And he's saying, you know, all these reasons why it's going to take a little bit of time.

14:23He's got, you know, some of his girlfriends are with him and he wants to take them home and make sure they get home safe because he's such a gentleman, which is so sweet. But at the end of the day, this cat right here sitting here waiting for you, right? So it's sort of one of those moments that you're proud that your child's doing that, but you also know your child's giving you the runaround because they also, you know, want as much time out with their friends as they can get. However, you know, he gets home and it's late. And so I was so frustrated because I just wanted a good night's sleep.

14:51And because I felt so good about this event the night before and about, you know, realizing how much we have and how privileged and lucky we are, no matter what, listen, my life is far from perfect, right? There's plenty of problems and issues I have in my life and pressure I have in my life. How much time do you have? I will give it all to you. But it's not about that. It's just when you look at these people that are living, they don't even have homes. I mean, there's, there's no walls, there's no clean water, there's filth everywhere. There's no AC, they don't even have a roof. You know, they're living on top of each other.

15:25And then to see that type of footage, hear from these people doing this work, hear from my client, who's gone twice to Africa on this mission just in the past year, and how driven they all are to save these people and help these people. And it was just, I couldn't believe it. So I went to bed last night and I woke up this morning tired, of course, and I was on my way to work out and I was in the best mood in the world. Why do you think I was in such a great mood? Because I had been at this event for charity last night and had not made it about myself, but had made it about giving to others, supporting others and about feeling so grateful for what we have and opening my mind to how can I help this initiative?

16:02And what can I do to add value? What can I do to help them grow and reach more people so that they can help and heal more people? And it was just taking that focus off yourself and putting it on serving others. Whenever you do that, no matter what your circumstance, you're gonna feel so much better. So I'd love to know what it is that you do to give back. I know for years I was on the board of City Year in Miami, which is a different charity. And I did that work with inner city youth for a decade and it was so rewarding. And I'm always interested to hear what it is that lights other people up, right?

16:34I love stuff with kids. To me, that's my jam. I always wanna help children, right? And so with Bucket Ministry, they're helping families, which means they're helping thousands and thousands, hundreds of thousands of children. I love anything that touches children because I just feel like their voice is so much less powerful and they have less options. And I just I love that idea of helping those that don't have the power or circumstance to help themselves yet. It's just it's really important for especially anyone listening that has suffered abuse as a child. You know, anyone in difficult circumstances as a child, just my heart bleeds for kids in difficult situations.

17:10So that compels me. But I want to know what pushes you to give or what motivates you to give and to think about that and think about, you know, who can we get involved with? There are countless charities out there, countless different groups and communities, you know, giving back and doing so much. My church is always doing so much in the city of Miami. I mean, there's so many opportunities to give back. I'm doing two speeches for charity this week, right? Anytime that we can give back when it works, it's going to end up giving back to us so much more. So hopefully you can think of a way that you can serve others in some small way this week.

17:43I promise you, you'll feel so much better about yourself.

17:53Heather Monahan:Scaling a business takes the right expertise at the right time. Upwork helps growing teams quickly bring in specialized freelancers so you can move faster and take the business to the next level. Hiring help shouldn't be a headache or a drain on your budget. Upwork makes it easy to hire specialized freelancers quickly. so you can get the expertise you need now without weeks of recruiting or a full-time hire. Upwork is a one-stop platform to find, hire, and pay expert freelancers across web and software development, data and analytics, marketing, business operations, and more. You can browse profiles, review past work, and get help scoping the role so you can hire with confidence and get started quickly.

18:28Heather Monahan:With Business Plus, you can access the top 1 % of talent on Upwork, and with AI-powered shortlisting, you'll get matched to the right freelancer in under six hours. No endless searching required. It's free to sign up and posting a job is easy. Thousands of growing businesses already trust Upwork to hire flexible, high quality freelance talent for everything from one off projects to ongoing support. Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. Upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's U-P-W-O-R-K.com. Upwork.com. Think about everything protected by a password.

19:07Heather Monahan:Your bank, your email, your work accounts, your kid stuff. Now think about how many of those passwords are actually strong and different from one another. For most of us, the answer is not so many. That's a real problem. And it's exactly what Keeper fixes for you. Keeper is a password manager that creates strong, unique passwords for all of your accounts, stores them securely in one place, and logs you in automatically across all of your devices. So you never have to remember, guess, or worry about your login credentials again. For me, this is a game changer. Not only was I getting frustrated because I couldn't remember what password was what, but constantly getting emails about data breaches and your password is now on the dark web and people trying to break into your accounts.

19:53It's not worth the trouble.

19:56Heather Monahan:Keeper is the answer and it's been the solution for me. Right now, Keeper is offering our listeners 60 % off personal and family plans at KeeperSecurity.com slash confidence. This offer is only for podcast listeners. That's KeeperSecurity.com slash confidence for 60 % off personal and family plans. Make sure you use our link so they know we sent you. KeeperSecurity.com slash confidence.

20:22I ask you to try to find your passion. I also wanted to get to, as we sit at the end of the year right now, I had a board meeting last week. And every time I have a board meeting, I'm just reminded that these basic and simple practices that every board essentially does. And for those of you that don't know what it's like to be in a board meeting, the company, usually the CEO, senior leadership, is coming in from each department and presenting to you the performance of the prior quarter. So what our original goals were, what challenges we ran into, how we evolved and what delivery was. What did success look like?

21:00What was it supposed to look like? What did actuals look like? And then how can we bridge that gap to grow and be stronger for the next quarter? And so it's basically you're holding yourself accountable to what your goals are. you are bringing leadership or experts in on certain topics so that you can be advised on how you can improve and really hold yourself accountable to it. Deliver, right? It's all about delivery and results. Whenever I sit in a board meeting, which is at least, it's usually a couple times a quarter, but it's at least once a quarter, I'm just always reminded we need to hold ourselves accountable.

21:36You need to, I need to, right? We all need to say, all right, what's our own board of directors meeting looked like. And if you don't have a huge company yet, which I don't, you know, I don't actually have a board of directors, but I do have people that are incredible people who check in on me and want to know what's happening with my business. But it's about being more strategic than that. You know, why not set up your own presentation that to review your last quarter, whether you're an account executive, or you've got a side hustle, none of that matters. But what were those original goals that you intentionally set out to achieve?