Confidence Classic: How To Turn Setbacks Into Strength and Gratitude with Heather!

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0:46Heather Monahan:Right now, save 25 % on your first order at Zazzle.com. That's 25 % savings on your first order at Zazzle.com. Go make something amazing. Zazzle.com. I went from being annoyed to feeling so deeply grateful for my first world problems, feeling so deeply grateful that I have health insurance. I was feeling so grateful for the ability to sit there and reflect on it in a really challenging moment. Once I saw him come in and saw how serious his problems were, suddenly I started feeling so grateful for my ugly, swollen eye, right? Because I knew in the end I'm going to be okay. I just didn't know if it was okay to take a flight.

1:28Heather Monahan:But I knew I was okay. Health is the real wealth. And don't take it for granted. Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. Overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week. We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to. So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so excited you're back here with me this week.

2:09Heather Monahan:Okay, so hopefully you had a great holiday week and weekend, and I hope everything went well for you. Mine was an adventure. We'll put it that way. That's my new word. I definitely had that as a word this whole year, especially around moving after 17 years living in the same place and not knowing where I was going to be moving to. Adventure is a good word to sum up 2022. So going into and if you listen last week, I shared with you that the family I spend every Thanksgiving with had decided to actually move Thanksgiving to another friend's home. I hadn't seen those friends in, I don't know, 15 plus years, but I knew them from when I was younger, right?

2:50Heather Monahan:I just hadn't seen them. We've, whatever, I go back home, they're on vacation, they're not there. We just have missed each other. And so anyways, I chose to see it as a big adventure. My son thought I was crazy because he had actually never met them. He's 15 years old. So he thought, this is so weird. We're going to someone's house. I don't even know for Thanksgiving. Anyhow, to make a long story short, it was such an adventure. It was so exciting. And it was so cool because as I said, these were people I knew growing up. I knew the husband and the wife separately. And I knew the husband's brother, right?

3:23Heather Monahan:So I knew a number of people that were going to be there. I just hadn't seen them in so long. It was like a mystery, right? Who knows when you haven't seen someone for 15 plus years, do you reconnect easily? Do you have anything in common? Right? It's kind of wild. But the bottom line is anyone that's opening their home to you and welcoming you into their home is being generous of spirit and heart and kind. And the fact that they allowed my son to come. And I don't know, to me, that just says all love, nothing but love. So I led that way. I went in that way that this was gonna be an incredible time.

3:58Heather Monahan:And it truly was. It was such an adventure. I had so much fun. It went so differently than I had imagined, but it was incredible. And by the end of the day, we were all talking about next year doing the same thing again. Because it was literally that fun. Until we got home at the end of the night. And then we were like, where are all the leftovers? We're used to having so much leftover food at my girlfriend's house that that was the only thing that we said, ooh, faux pas. Maybe we need to do double Thanksgiving so we have food to eat for the rest of the week here. But again, first world problems.

4:31Heather Monahan:Super fun. I hope you had fun and stepped into something unknowing how it would turn out and and willing to take a chance on others, take a chance on an adventure because it definitely seems to pay. So as I mentioned, it was definitely a roller coaster. What I mean by that is the first night that we got there and usually every Wednesday before Thanksgiving, there's huge parties around bringing everyone together who hasn't been together. There are some of us in years, some of us in a year, some of us just to get together every Wednesday before Thanksgiving. And so it's always one of those amazing nights that get so crazy where you're catching up with people that you don't see during the year.

5:14Heather Monahan:That, you know, you typically only see once a year or when you go home. And for me, I only go home a couple times a year. So it's always super exciting. So many people to see, so many people to catch up with. and it's just, it's a great time to feel surrounded by so much love. And I know a lot of people say to me, how did you stay in touch with all of your friends from home when you live in Florida? And I've been gone from New England since I moved away. I think I was 23 years old when I left, and I'm 48 now. So I definitely lived away the majority of my life, but I make it a priority to go home for important events.

5:53When people need me, if somebody passes away,

5:56Heather Monahan:a wedding, you know, anything big, I'm always going back for. And then, you know, the holidays, I always go back for Thanksgiving and I try to go back one time during the summer. And it never goes perfectly, right? There's always times where you miss someone or, you know, the plans didn't align properly. It's never ideal how it turns out, but I just believe make the effort, show people you care, show up for those that you care and they're going to show up for you. And if they don't, they're not your people, right? But you've got to make the effort and show up. And for me, living in Florida has been great because so many people vacation here.

6:31Heather Monahan:And so usually during the year, at least one other time, I'll be able to catch up with people down here when they're in Florida. And some of my closer friends multiple times a year. So it's been amazing to be able to keep those close friendships going for over 30 years from New England. I'm so grateful for it. However, I do not miss the cold. I'm sure you can probably hear my voice right now. I have an awful cold, but I'm so thankful that's the worst that I got. There was a terrible flu going around in New England while I was there. And luckily, my son and I both got out unscathed and feeling pretty happy for that because people are a lot healthier here in Miami and there definitely is no big flu going around.

7:09Heather Monahan:So maybe has something to do with the weather. I don't know. Call me crazy. So it was a great trip and we had an amazing Thanksgiving, an amazing night before Thanksgiving. And then some complications arose on Friday and I actually fell and bumped my head, which is something I have not done before. I would not recommend it to others. But it was funny, you know, after a lifetime of living in the snow, cobblestone streets and running around that city and just all of New England in general. in the winter, when you're doing it, you're accustomed to it. But when you've lived away for so long, I'm like a rookie now, I have no idea what I'm doing.

7:48Heather Monahan:And of course, my heels only get bigger people. I mean, people always say to me when they meet me in real life, Oh, you always have heels on the majority of the time I do. I mean, not always, right. When I travel, I usually wear sneakers or whatever. But when I go out, yeah, I definitely have heels on, regardless of if there's, you know, four inches of snow, ice or whatever else going on. So I had my giant heels on. Anyways, I ended up falling, hit my head, which I've never done before. And I had this egg on my head, which I thought was pretty normal. You know, I have a son, so I know exactly what it's like to have him fall down, you know, get in basketball issues and incidents, get teeth knocked out.

8:27Heather Monahan:I get it. I'm not someone who isn't familiar with that kind of stuff. So I had an egg on my head, which I thought, okay, that's pretty normal. Here's where the complications came. I went to bed Friday night with an egg on my head. I woke up Saturday morning and my eye was sealed shut. Okay, red flag. So my friends and I, we all sat and said, okay, this does not seem normal. I mean, does that happen to people? And it's so interesting. Here's the thing. When you don't have experience with something, you can get really nervous, right? You can overreact. And maybe we did overreact a little, but we got really nervous as to why would my eye seal shut if I had bumped my head that, you know, that seems a little bizarre.

9:08Heather Monahan:So we all thought, all right, let's err on the side of caution. And my good friend said, I will take you and drop you off at the minute clinic. It's like a, it's basically a little tiny emergency room, you know, ready med type place where you, you go in, you sit in the waiting room for a little bit, you get seen by the doctor and then you're sent on your way. And again, we didn't think it was anything big, but we just thought it probably makes sense to check it out before you get on a flight, because you don't want to find out mid flight that something's really wrong with your head. You know, that would be a bad decision, right?

9:38Heather Monahan:So she drops me off and she had taken my son and her son to do something else. And so they were out having a fun time. All is well, I get dropped off. Now, here's number one, I have a very little experience with these minute clinics. Once maybe 10 years ago, a good friend of mine and her daughter were visiting, they had a fever and we had to go to a minute clinic. So I don't know in 2022, what it's like to go again, when you don't have prior experience, you're not knowledgeable, right? And sometimes I guess I'm naive to that, or I don't think about it. Do your research. I wish I had done my research before I left my friend's house that day.

10:16Heather Monahan:Here's why I get to the minute clinic. I walk in, I have my sunglasses on because my eye was literally swollen shut and I didn't want to freak anybody out. And there was a sign that said to check in, you need to check in online. Okay, that makes sense. You know, it's 2022. Nobody wants to touch any papers, no problem. So I stand there, I check in online. There's only two people in the waiting room. I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I'll be in and out of here within the hour for sure. That was at 11 in the morning. So right after I sign up on the, you know, text in to sign up online and I complete the sign up, a nurse or someone who works there comes from inside and approaches me and says, hey, listen, you know, we actually just stopped taking walk-ins.

11:02Heather Monahan:We're on pause. We have way too many people in the queue and we can't accommodate everyone. I'm looking inside like, what is this lady talking about? There's two people waiting. And so I say to her, there's no way you can see one more person? And she says no. And again, I'm at this point in time, my hair is down, I have big black sunglasses on, I have, you know, a cute outfit. So I look like someone who has it all together from what she can see. And that's when my mind went to sales 101. Right? If somebody doesn't have empathy or understand your situation or can't put themselves in your shoes, they're probably not going to go out of their way for you, right?

11:45Heather Monahan:So I understood her conundrum that they were trying to shut down the walk-ins. However, in my mind, I already walked in and I already signed up. There's got to be an exception to the rule, right? And let's pause for a second and let me take you back to an instance in corporate America that I want to share with you. I will never forget in the 08-09 recession, the company that I worked for, I was an executive vice president of sales at the time. And so there was a very small group of us, I think it was six or seven of us that would meet each month, you know, essentially the highest people in the company that would meet with the CEO to discuss strategy and what we were doing and executing on in each of our divisions.

12:23Heather Monahan:During the recession, everyone unilaterally decided that we had to take a pay cut across the board for every division, every employee. And the CEO even said he was going to do it. And it was significant. I want to say, I don't remember exactly. I think it was 20 % or 25. I mean, it was significant from a comp standpoint. And so everyone agreed to do it until one day, I'll never forget, one of the biggest talents came in and said, no, I'm not doing it. I'll quit. I'll walk out. I don't need the money. And immediately he didn't have to. And then once he didn't have to, you get my point, right? So there are always exceptions made for people.

13:02Heather Monahan:The same goes for hotels. I'll never forget being in Canada at the NBA all-star dunk contest with my son. It was like negative 20 degrees outside. It was horrible. We had never been in cold weather like that. I had a car service picking us up. I couldn't find the car. It was so busy. My phone was dead. My son was little. He must've been six years old at the time. And we just, I didn't know my way around there. And I was really nervous. And I walked right into the Fairmont, right next to the arena, knowing that they were going to say they were sold out. And I explained my situation to the head manager.

13:35Heather Monahan:He said, let me see if anyone has not checked in. And they had one room available. And he gave it to me. I mean, I paid for it. But you know, it's, it's often about asking and explaining your predicament, right? And when you do that in a relatable fashion, I'm not guaranteeing you someone's going to say yes, but you have a much higher probability of getting a yes. Here how this runs out to and what happened. It's such a great sales lesson, in my opinion. If you had been around this house the last couple of months, you would know total chaos. My son had graduation, a 19th birthday party, a going away for the summer.

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17:09Heather Monahan:I take my sunglasses off. Remember, I mentioned my eye was sealed shut, which is weird. I've never had that experience. I don't know how often this happens to people, but it looks awful. And so suddenly I went from looking normal with big black sunglasses on to not looking normal. Visibly, you can tell something's wrong with me. And I said, listen, I really don't want to be difficult. I understand your predicament, number one, because I wanted her to know. I wasn't trying to give her a hard time. I honestly wanted to know what her thoughts were about me getting on a plane. I just wanted an expert opinion to basically stamp, okay, you're going to be fine.

17:43Heather Monahan:You carry on. You can get on your plane. You just look weird, which I'm, you know, that is what it is. That's fine. So I take the sunglasses off. I explained to her, listen, I bumped my head yesterday and it was fine until I woke up this morning. And now it doesn't seem so fine because my eye looks so strange. Do you think it's okay for me to get on a flight? And that's when she said, you know what? I'm going to go ahead and put you in the queue. You need to be seen. I can't answer that question. And I don't want you leaving here thinking it's okay to get on a flight. So once I explained my predicament, showed her what was going on with me, she had a very different vibe and wanted to help me, right?

18:23Heather Monahan:So always empty your glass to people if you want them to know that you're struggling, right? You can't hide that. If I still wanted to look really cute and not take the sunglasses off, I would have never been added to that cue. You've got to be willing to expose whatever it is that you're struggling with if you want someone else to help you. Okay, so she says, go have a seat. Of course, we're all wearing masks and people are coughing like crazy in there. There was massive flu going around. And so I just kind of isolated myself in the corner, sat down and decided I'm staying off my phone. You never know how long you might be somewhere.

18:58Heather Monahan:So I thought, okay, I've got some time right now. I'm just going to sit and think. And to be completely transparent with you, the first little bit, I was annoyed. I was thinking, oh my gosh, this is so annoying. I can't believe we live in a world where like, isn't there a better system, right? I started thinking to myself, how can they be more efficient from a business perspective? How could this work more efficiently? However, what I learned during this process, because I was listening, now I'm sitting in the waiting room. There's a couple other people, the phone's ringing, people are coming in and trying to be added to the queue.

19:29She's rejecting them, which, you know, she had initially done with me

19:33Heather Monahan:as well. And I'm hearing conversations transpire from the people walking in and the woman at the front desk. And they were not all good, right? So here's what I learned. The system's broken, number one. And I don't know if this goes for all ready clinics, but definitely the one that I was in. Somehow people knew, I didn't know this, to log in online first. And that's definitely the case. So if you or a guest at your home ever gets hurt and wants to go to one of these minute clinics, go online first, you can add yourself to the waitlist from home, and they text you to come in. Okay, that was a smart move, right?

20:08Heather Monahan:That's what I wish I had done. We didn't know. So again, you don't know. It just is what it is. So live and learn, I should have done my research at the house that morning before I got dropped off. So it's very much a digital situation. And to get in the queue, you have to be on the list, which the easiest, fastest way to do that is from your home, from your phone or computer. Okay, I had not done that. And we were in the mix, we are waiting. So now about an hour goes by, and I'm seeing a lot of people are coming in, and mostly they're walk-ins like I had been. Most people just don't know that you're supposed to go online.

20:42Heather Monahan:Or one guy had literally severed part of his hand. And he's like, I need emergency help. She still couldn't put him in, I don't know the rules or why that is, but she couldn't put him in ahead of the other people that were already in the queue, because they had already been text messaged, or, you know, I'm not sure the particulars. But I mean, this guy had a severe issue. So once I saw him come in, and saw how serious his problems were, suddenly, I started feeling so grateful for my ugly swollen eye, right? Because I knew, in the end, I'm going to be okay. I just didn't know if it was okay to take a flight, but I knew I was okay.

21:19Heather Monahan:And this poor guy, I didn't know if he was going to be okay, right? You can't be bleeding out with a cut hand for too long. That's serious. And so more people would come in, children with high fevers, a lot of flu cases. And then some people were really distraught and started arguing with this woman. And I will tell you, every single person, no matter who they were or what predicament they were facing, when they argued with her, she shut down immediately. She was always very professional. She never raised her voice. They raised their voice at her, sadly. And every time they took that approach, they lost.

21:54Heather Monahan:She kicked them out. However, there were two other people that came in similar to me in that they approached her with kindness, understanding, empathy. They did not try to fight with her. They simply asked for help, explain their situation. And she put two more people in the queue. Nothing else had change. So the reason I wanted to bring this to your attention is negativity will never deliver a positive outcome. It just doesn't, right? You are guaranteed a negative outcome. If you approach things from a negative place, it's just fact and forget karma and everything else that it will come back to you.

22:30Heather Monahan:I'm just talking about in the moment, right? So whether you're trying to catch a flight and you're late and you start yelling at the flight attendant and not going to work, right? Not the approach to take or the example I gave at the hotel. I didn't demand a room. I simply let him see my little son and how cold he was. And I asked for his help. And I gave him the story behind the scenes. We'd never been there before. We weren't prepared for this level of weather. My phone had died. I didn't have friends there. We were alone. And if there was any way he could help us get a room, I'd be so appreciative.

23:02Heather Monahan:So, you know, approaching people in a rough and vile manner does not pay. And it ends up, I sat there until five o 'clock that night in the waiting room, watching these interchanges with people coming in and fighting with her, people coming in and being kind to her and watching the people in the waiting room. And what happened during those first couple of hours is I went from being annoyed to feeling so deeply grateful for my first world problems, feeling so deeply grateful that I have health insurance. There was one woman that came in and she didn't have health insurance. She couldn't get in anywhere.