Confidence Classic: Step Into New Possibilities After a Layoff with Heather!

0:00You don't know what's possible until you step into the uncertainty. And the beautiful thing about uncertainty is when everything seems uncertain, anything is possible. You can blow up the lanes in your life. You don't need to live with others' limitations or stereotypes or labels or lanes. And the key is to step into the uncertainty. The key is not to give up. When one door closes, sometimes that's the biggest gift of your life. Sometimes you're meant for so much more, but you're hanging on to something that you've outgrown. Sometimes you need that push. You've got to be willing to let go of that what is so that you can go for that what could be when you are ready to make that leap.

0:39Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up.

0:51Heather Monahan:Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week. We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to. So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so I have a couple of questions that came in, one through LinkedIn and the other one through Instagram DMs. I wanted to go ahead and answer these first. And then I wanted to get into a little conversation between you and me about the layoffs that I've been hearing about going on and how the steps that I took when I got fired that I want to suggest an offer to you and to anyone you know that may have been fired recently because getting fired is a punch in the gut.

1:41And you know what? It doesn't even have to be getting fired, right? Like you could be getting divorced, be going through a heartbreak. You could, you know, a dream that you had didn't come to fruition can be some kind of a loss, right? All right. So we're going to get into that in a minute. But first I want to start off with my first question. Hey, Heather, hope this message finds you well. It does. Thank you. I've been listening to your book, Confidence Creator. Yeah. And I really enjoy the connections you make linking back through your experiences. As a 40 year old, I feel I've missed out on a lot of opportunities.

2:11To push myself because I'm concerned about rejections or disappointments. I hear you. I finally decided last year to take the leap and finish my bachelor's degree. Good for you. Well, I'm thriving, but I still lack confidence in many areas of my life. Totally normal. Same thing. Do you like that I'm giving you commentary, by the way, as I read this? I can't help myself. Something that has always bothered me is the way that I speak. I feel like I lack a strong vocabulary and big words. Do you have any tips to strengthen my ability to speak and build my vocabulary? I think this holds me back in my work life because I'm concerned about wording something wrong and looking stupid.

2:51Okay, let me just tell you this. Number one, simplicity is key. Brevity is a superpower. Far too often people go on and on and try to use the biggest, you know, three-cent word they can find in their vocabulary to impress others. That's because they are insecure. pure fact, right? So keeping things simple. I got a great piece of advice when I was younger. Heather, if you can't simplify something so that you can share information in the same conversation that can reach and communicate effectively to a 90 year old and a nine year old at the same time, you don't understand your material. That's profound and smart.

3:30And it's not about trying to impress people. It's trying to communicate information in a way everyone can receive it. people are busy in today's society and the focus is always on themselves. So often in our heads, we think people are wrapped up in what we're saying and what we're doing. They're not. They care how you make them feel, right? That's something they notice. They care about your energy. If you have good intention, if you're teaching them something or helping them with something, solve a problem, yeah, then they're going to care. But they really don't care the words that you choose.

4:03What they care most is that they understand what you're saying, that it isn't complex and hard to understand. So I'd start there, right? So you're perfect as you are. That's number one, what I'd say. And if you're around people that are going to judge you because you didn't use a bigger word, those are insecure people. And those are not your people. Fire those people, right? So that's where I would start. Now, I also don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to get better, right? Like I go through 9 million different phases of my life where I'm like, oh, I want to get better at this or right now I'm wanting to run again.

4:35And so I'm all about like, how can I heal my Achilles and studying it and I'm buying infrared lights and going to the chiropractor and right, trying all these different things to get better at something that's important to me. So I do, I I'm here to commend you and appreciate that you do want to expand your vocabulary and, you know, advance yourself, you know, in the English language. Great. I think that's awesome. However, you don't need to do it and don't let that hold you back today from having a conversation and business or pushing yourself to the next level. That is a cop out. I'm calling you out on it.

5:07Okay. But okay. As you move forward, this is something you want to continue to work on and build. Let's do it. Let's set a specific example. The best way. Well, there's a couple of really good ways to expand your vocabulary. I take it to my child, right? As a parent, I sat with flash cards for a long time with my son when he was learning, you know, they in English class in In elementary school, they would learn different words and they had to learn what sentence can I use this in and how does it apply? And we would sit with flashcards and I would write an example on the back of how it could be used in a sentence and he would have to sit and play with the flashcards.

5:42That is a great way to learn new words, right? So, gosh, this is a good way to use ChatGPT also, which is one of the new AI programs that's really incredible. you could go type in commonly used words or you could transcribe a conversation that you have by giving it to chat GPT and then ask chat GPT where you could use better words or different words what other options you could have that's a great you know what I'm really happy with this answer that I just gave you chat GPT check it out doesn't cost anything and that's going to give you some different options the other thing is as I mentioned you literally go to google and and type in a word that you use often say what are, you know, use a thesaurus.

6:24That's going to show you other words that you can use instead of that word, right? So you just got to put the work in. None of this is hard. It's very simple, but it's going to take time. Okay. The other way to expand your vocabulary, this is my favorite reading. I literally read almost one book a week. I do that because I'm interviewing people for the podcast. And I just firmly believe that if I am consuming their content ahead of time, I'm going to give you a better show. But what it's done, I've been doing this podcast now for three years, is not only has it taught me so much about different topics and themes, I never would have been diving into in my life ever.

7:01For example, I just had a doctor on about perfectionism. That's something I would never study or read about, because I'm not a perfectionist. However, she thinks everyone's a perfectionist, which was that led for a very interesting conversation, because I disagreed with her. But I read the book, right? Like, you got to read the book. So reading will expand your vocabulary so quickly and teach you so many cool and different things. Of course, I think you should start with my first two books, which the person that asked this question is. So you're already reading, which I'm super proud of you for, but there's so many books.

7:33Like it doesn't have to be an English language book. It can be any book because you're just going to immerse yourself in somebody else's different language and, and learn words that they use and see what you like and what you, you know, take notes. And when you write things down. It's going to help you remember and give yourself a challenge each week to use a new word every day, right? Like there's so many fun ways you could do it with your kids, with your spouse. You could put a word of the day on the fridge and each morning everybody tries to use that word. There's so many cool, fun ways to do this.

8:02I'm proud of you that you want to find a way to step up your vocabulary and grow, but I'll be most proud of you for going for it, taking the initiative to jump into the conversations with or without the new vocabulary. Okay. So that is one question that came in. Now let's get to the second one. Okay, so this may sound strange, but I am in a busy season as a mom right now. And I often wonder how you balance being an influential speaker with being a mom after all the hustle that you put into your career. I've always had side gigs from blogging and podcasting to writing. I left teaching last February to take a job as an IT specialist.

8:37I left that position. And now I'm in sales. It's not my dream job, but it offers me flexibility, which is great. And that allows me to be more present with my kids and volunteer at school. I know that I am made for more. Yes. And I can see myself speaking someday. Yes. Already having the vision. Yes. But right now I just feel more pulled towards the fact that my kids are only young once. Do you ever feel torn between the two worlds? Oh my gosh. Of course. If anyone says they don't, they're lying. Right. There is no perfect solution. My neighbor has a tremendous as a single parent has a tremendous amount of help with his children.

9:20And I notice it. Listen, not everybody is in a situation. I'm not where I'm, you know, a multimillionaire sitting on so much cash that I have a private driver and a private chef and a private this and a private that. I don't have that. Right. So I have plenty of times where I'm flying to New York next week and I should be staying over. but I'm going to make it really hard on myself and fly up on the first thing in the morning and fly back last flight at night because I don't have someone to stay with my son, right? So I want to make it work and I don't want to put him out in it and make him have to stay away from home.

9:52So lots of times there's going to be sacrifices that you're going to make that aren't ideal. But now here I am with a 15 year old son, I've made countless sacrifices for my child through my life. And I'm grateful for them now that he's 15 and I can look at his life and say, I love who he has become and is becoming. And I'm so proud of the choices that I made. They haven't all been easy. And, you know, there's a story I've told many times that I was away on a weekend for my old work trip back when I was in the radio business. And I was gone for the weekend for a work trip. And my son got injured in a game and didn't have a parent at the game.

10:30But what happened was another mother stepped in and helped my son and sat with him and held him and got him help. And he learned this amazing experience that day that there's more than just your mother and father you can rely on. There's a network of great people in the world. And when you need help, you raise your hand and ask and people will show up for you. And that was this beautiful experience. It didn't feel beautiful in the moment when I got like the 911 text message that your son's been hurt. He's on the field and we don't know if his leg's broken, right? and literally my son has broke teeth, nose, arms, feet, legs.

11:04Like this guy gets injured all the time because he goes full blast in all sports. And there's plenty of times I haven't been there and there's plenty of times I've been there and then I'm annoyed that I'm sitting in an ER till midnight when he has school in the morning and I have work at work, right? Like it's never perfect, but just showing up and doing the best you can. The best advice I'd give around balance, especially with kids is if your heart's tugging on you and saying that this is the time that's important for your kids, then this is the time that's important for your kids. I remember during 2020, when the pandemic hit, my son's dog drowned.

11:37My son was depressed. Like there's no doubt about it. It was the worst time I've ever seen him go through. No sports, isolation, you know, no friends stuck in our two bedroom condo and grieving the loss of someone so important in his life. I literally put life on pause and I enveloped that kid. I was with him 24 seven. If we were not talking or, you know, setting up an appointment with him to speak to a specialist, we were watching funny shows together. We were working on projects together. I mean, I really, I really walked away from my life for a window of time because I knew he needed me omnipresent in his life.

12:19Now, conversely, There's many times I've gone all in on work. And, you know, I had an incredible babysitter for a few years. She was going to college and she literally would come to my home every single day. She'd pick my son up from school, bring him home, get him something to eat, get him to practice. She would get the laundry started. She would sit with him while I did homework. I mean, she was like my makeshift doppelganger so that I could be all in at work and not worry about how my son was doing. and the bond those two have to this day is incredible. But I had to find that great right person that could step in and help me.

12:57And he was doing well at that time and their relationship was thriving and he loved being with her and it worked, right? So there's gonna be moments in time where you're really needed and your heart's gonna tell you and trust yourself. You're gonna know and show up for those times. And there's gonna be other times where you're gonna say, you know what, this is a chance for my child to become more independent and rely on other people. And I'm excited about that. I'm excited for him to make friendships and bonds and trust others and know there's more people than just one that's going to help you and support you in life if you're willing to ask and look for that help.

13:32So I hope that helps you. But if your heart's telling you that right now is the time they need you, go all in. You will never regret that choice. And journal so you can reflect back and see what a bomb parent you are and feel really proud of the job that you're doing. Because I am proud of you. different guests each week.

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16:04There's been so many layoffs. I don't know if you've been seeing in the news, Google laid off 10 ,000 people. Amazon laid off 12 ,000 people. Microsoft laid off 10 ,000 people. Twitter laid off thousands of people. It's just every day a different technology company is putting in some big layoffs. Here's the thing. Getting fired, getting laid off is really scary when it happens to you. The reality is you can't connect the dots looking forward. You don't know what lays ahead of you. And share this episode with someone if you know that they've been laid off or they're scared about losing their job.

16:34Because here's the thing. Five years ago, I was fired unexpectedly when the CEO that I'd worked for for 14 years became ill and overnight replaced himself with his daughter, my arch nemesis. She hated me, threatened by me, whatever it was. She fired me immediately. I had no idea how I was going to pay my bills. I had no idea how I was going to pay for my mortgage, which, P.S., I sold that home and now am renting this year. Like I never saw any of this stuff coming that's in my life right now because you can't connect the dots looking forward. You don't know what's possible until you step into the uncertainty.

17:09And the beautiful thing about uncertainty is when everything seems uncertain, anything is possible. And I know how hard that is to hear when you're in it, because I remember the first 24 hours when I got fired, I was under a weighted blanket, bombing Chardonnay, crying my eyes out, feeling so bad for myself. which is totally normal. I think that's normal, right? Of course, you're going to be upset and shocked and angry and pointing fingers outward, right? Normal, totally normal. However, by the second day, I remember thinking, okay, this isn't helpful. Hello, Heather, this is not helping you. You know, I need to take a step outside of me for a minute and coach myself and say, I said to myself, this isn't helpful.

17:51This isn't fixing anything. Yeah, I feel bad and I'm heartbroken, but that's not going to bring money into my life to pay for my son and I. That's not going to help me. I've got to do something to help me. So what I did was I raised my hand. I posted on social media. Hey, I've just been fired. And if I've ever done anything to help you, I need to hear from you now. That post went viral and landed me on the Elvis Duran show. Now I get it. A lot of people are going to say, well, I don't want to post about it. You, you do you, you don't have to post about it, but you need to take some action to start creating momentum to propel you forward.

18:26Sitting on the couch forever is not going to solve your problem. I promise you that. You don't need to make the same decisions I made, but you need to take action. And this goes back to my three-step process in my book, Overcome Your Villains, Beliefs, Action, and Knowledge. Number one, distill your beliefs down to the most simplistic shred of fact. When I distilled my beliefs down, when I got fired, at first I was saying, I've lost everything. And then I realized I lost one thing, a paycheck. And I know how to replace that. I had been a paper boy. I had been someone who waited tables at restaurants.

18:59I've been a bartender. I've been in sales. I've been in sales in the wine business. I've been sales in the radio business. Then I had been a sales leader. Then I've been a VP of sales. And I had been an equity partner. I had found paychecks across my entire life. Wait a minute. I lost a paycheck. I'm going to figure out a way to replace that. And so will you. Right. So to still that belief down, number two, take action immediately. That's when I posted about getting fired. You don't need to do that, but you need to do something. Take action. That action step landed me on the Elvis Duran show. I never saw that opportunity coming.

19:31It's because I stepped into fear that Martin Luther King quote I love, you know, take a step even when you can't see the whole staircase. That's what it was about for me, being courageous enough to take the step. And it was scary. And I jumped on a plane. I invested in myself. I jumped on a plane and I walked into that studio having no idea what I would say on the Elvis Duran show or why I was even doing it other than I knew I needed to get into a new arena with different people. I knew I needed to reach beyond what I was the bubble I was currently living in. And this seemed like maybe a bridge play to get me there.

20:05And it was. Halfway through that interview, Elvis looked at me and spoke a truth and a belief and a conviction into me that I was writing a book, but I wasn't. Because I'd always held onto this story that my sister was a smart one and that I was the sales one, right? That I was in the sales leadership lane and that's where I succeeded and that's where I belonged. But that day, Elvis Duran spoke a truth and a conviction and a belief and a confidence into me that I decided to grab hold of and run with. And I wanna speak a truth and a conviction into you. You can blow up the lanes in your life. You don't need to live with others' limitations.

20:41or stereotypes or labels or lanes, and you can start living your life lanelessly. Just because you've always been in the aviation business doesn't mean you are limited to the aviation business. Drop the labels, hand back the self-limiting beliefs, blow up the lanes, and start showing up as the best version of you wherever you intend to go. I live my life lanelessly now, and what that means is I can do anything. I can go test and try anything. I can create products. I can launch my podcast. First, I only did interviews with other people. Now I do solo episodes. That's new, right? The past year.

21:16I want to live my life without lanes, without limits, without labels, testing and trying and letting the data tell me what's working and what's not working and respond to that. Figure out what problems you can solve for other people. And you're going to find revenue streams. Pick your head up outside of your bubble, your industry, your circle, and see where you can apply your skills and talents that you never even thought of trying. Remind yourself what it was you loved to do when you were a kid and start stepping into that now. Test and try things. Lean into the unknown and you'll begin to figure out what you're meant to do.

21:51It certainly worked that way for me. So I jumped on a plane leaving Elvis Duran and I googled, how do you write a book? I had no idea how to write a book. And it basically said you have to sit down and write. It's very simple. Maybe not easy, but very simple. And so I was disciplined and I sat down and I wrote every day. And then I decided to invest in myself again. And I hired someone that was light years ahead of me, an editor. I decided to take direction and guidance from someone who had been where I wanted to go. And equally as important, never take direction from someone who hasn't been where you're intending to go.

22:26My family, I shared with them right before my book was launching, a digital version of my book. And my sister told me I was going to get sued. And my mom told me not to write the book. And I made a really good decision. I called my editor back and I told him, oh my gosh, my sister thinks I'm going to get sued. My mom said, I can't write the book. It's too revealing about our childhood and I shouldn't be bringing up the past experiences. And he said to me, Heather, how many books has your parents written, your family written? I said, none. He said, how many books have I written? I said, 19. He said, who do you think you should take advice from on this topic?

23:00I said, probably you. He said, do you think that anyone's ever told me of my 19 books that I shouldn't write one of them? I said, I have no idea. And he said, all the time. People always want to give you their limiting beliefs, trying to protect you out of their fears. That's about them, not about you. He said, and P.S., you can get sued for anything. Rip the bandaid off, we're launching the book. And we did. And one week later, Confidence Creator in May of 2018, so proud of this, trumped Donald Trump for number one on the business biography list the first week it came out. I didn't know if I was going to sell one book when I launched that book.