Confidence Classic: The Goal-Setting Habits That Turn Dreams Into Reality with Heather!

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0:46Heather Monahan:Right now, save 25 % on your first order at Zazzle.com. That's 25 % savings on your first order at Zazzle.com. Go make something amazing. Zazzle.com. I used to always say, I have golden handcuffs. I can't leave. Well, I was speaking that to be a truth to myself. I was holding myself there with these made up golden handcuffs. I'm in a really difficult situation because I've been here for a long time and I'm really scared to leave. However, I'm never going to realize my potential. I'm never going to realize the other opportunities that are out there for me until I take the leap until I pick my head up outside of this awful situation and start looking for where else I can add value, what other problems I can solve, and what other good I can do in the world.

1:34Heather Monahan:Stop speaking in words and using words that are holding you back. Instead, start empowering yourself with the words that will thrust you forward and try to be as mindful as possible. Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to, so these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed.

2:13Heather Monahan:I hope you love this one as much as I do. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. I hope your December is going amazing and you're excited for your holidays. However, I know that the holidays are not always a joyful time of year for everyone. And I just want you to know that if you are going through a tough time, I hear you. It does not always come together as seamlessly or perfectly as you want or hope. I remember last year I was going through a really tough few months of my life. I was in a court case with my ex-husband about my son. You know, things just were not going well.

2:55Heather Monahan:And I was really frustrated. I was discouraged. Both my son and I got sick right before Christmas. And it just felt like, wait a minute, there's all this hype and we're supposed to be having this amazing season and everyone on social media is so happy and things are going so great. It just felt terrible, which is also one of the reasons why I want you to reflect on a year ago right now and just think to yourself how far you've come. Like whatever it is in your life, you might not be happy with everything right now. I'm certainly not. However, it's so much better than it was a year ago. And it's so easy to forget that, right?

3:30Heather Monahan:It is so easy. So give yourself that gift of reflection of where you were a year ago right now, what you've overcome, you know, what great decisions you've made. Of course, I'm sure there's some that you're not super happy about. I definitely have a few that I'm not happy about, but we learn from them and we move on, we grow. So, you know, even if you are in a moment right now where it is challenging, where you are frustrated, you're not living your best life, know that you've overcome other challenging times and you will overcome this one as well and try to take some of that pressure off yourself.

4:02That always helps me to put things in better perspective is to appreciate those hard times

4:08Heather Monahan:in the past and really remind myself that, you know what, I can get through this as well. That's past proof that we can get through these current and future moments that are challenging because we are all going to have them. So I hope that you take a moment to reflect on where you were a year ago, all of the amazing things you've accomplished, all the goals that you had set out to achieve. And P.S., can you please do me a favor? I guarantee most everyone listening right now puts together grocery lifts before you leave the house to make sure you get your kids whatever they want or your spouse or yourself.

4:42Heather Monahan:But so often people aren't writing those things down for the new year, their goals for the new year. I write down an insane amount of goals. I don't think I've ever achieved all of them, but that's okay. You know, it's different things for me to shoot for. And things change during the year, right? Things happen that are unexpected. And it's important to have goals, to write them down, to revisit them, to get up every day with an intention, right? I read my goals almost every single day. I actually didn't today because my son had a sleepover last night and it was just pure chaos. And I've been thinking about it all day.

5:16Heather Monahan:I didn't do my routine. You know, I didn't get up and have a moment to thank God for all that I have and be grateful for all the amazing things that I have and look at what my intention is for that day and how I want to lead my life with joy and love and to look at my goals and my why. Why am I trying to do this? I want to make the world a better place. I want to impact people in a positive way. Right. So get in the habit of reminding yourself what it is you're setting out to do. If you keep these ideas and goals top of mind, you're so much more likely to achieve them. If you write them down, you're 90 % more likely to achieve them, right?

5:55Heather Monahan:If you share them with an accountability partner, you're like 80 % more likely to achieve it. There's so many different ways you can set yourself up for success, but you've got to make yourself a priority and do it. It's that simple. So I am working on my goals for next year. The funny thing is, since the pandemic occurred, I'm so much less rigid about things, meaning I used to have my one year, five year, 10 year plans and they had to go the way I dictated and I had to achieve them. And then the pandemic hit and it wiped everything out and threw me for a loop that I know for some people was harder than others.

6:32Heather Monahan:And some people had a great time during the pandemic. It just depends where you were in your life. For me, it was an incredibly challenging time. And I was so scared. I was so afraid of that uncertainty. I lost so much business in a short window of time. However, you know, trying to find the gratitude and the blessings, I look back now and the blessing for me was that I learned how to be a great virtual speaker. I didn't even know virtual speaking was a thing. P.S. Now I do virtual speeches every week and I never have to leave my house. Granted, I get paid half as much as I would if I was in person, but there's still something so beautiful about that.

7:10Heather Monahan:You can reach more people without having to travel. You can do multiple events in one day. I had one day I did eight virtual events and I reached thousands of people from so many different companies. So there are blessings there if you're willing to see them and celebrate them. And that's what I'm training myself to do because I love in-person everything. and I was so discouraged for a while, I had to let go of what I had known in order to be willing to embrace what is and what could be. And then now everything's hybrid. So there's such a benefit and blessing to both of it. And I hope you can see that in your life.

7:44Heather Monahan:So for me, when I think about a year ago, I just think about all of these challenges I was up against. You know, since then I've moved, I live in an incredible place. I'm on this adventure this year. You know, I've never been to the area I live in now. I'm always meeting new people. It's just life is so different than the way it had been very similar for 17 years. And, you know, I completely purged everything in my home, which was such a great exercise. If you have not done that, oh my gosh, give yourself the gift of clearing clutter out of your life. It will help you so much. So, you know, I did that and I went through that exercise and yeah, it was challenging moving, right?

8:25Oh my gosh, when you haven't moved in 17 years,

8:28Heather Monahan:it's holy, I had forgotten what that was like. And I had forgotten how much stuff I had accumulated. But it was also really cool to go back and look through it, right? I went back and I was looking through my notes, I take notes on everything I journal. And I was looking back on the notes over the last 17 years of my life and seeing it was so crystal clear to me. Wow, this is why things were going well at that point in time. Or wow, I'm really proud of myself that I did that. Or, oh my gosh, I wish I could speak to the me back then and let her know why she wasn't feeling good about the situation.

9:02Heather Monahan:There was a reason, right? I just didn't know it yet. So it's so insightful and just gives you that opportunity to become more self-aware, right? And ask yourself more curious questions as to why we're behaving in a certain way or why we make the decisions that we do or why we beat ourselves up so much, right? Or why we didn't deliver on a goal that was important to us and give yourself some grace that, you know, we're all on this journey together. If you're here, you're on a growth journey. So I'm already proud of you just for that, right? Good for you. There are so many people in the world that just aren't even interested in growing.

9:39Heather Monahan:I was speaking to a good friend of mine who has a huge, incredible business. She's uber successful. And she made a comment to me when we were on the phone. She said, Heather, you know, not everyone is like us. Not everyone wants to get out there and kill it and invent new things and grow and expand. Some people are okay with just getting by. And that hit me because I don't think I know you that's not you, right? It's not me. So it's hard to understand that. However, when I really challenged myself, there's been times in my life that I wasn't growing at the trajectory I am now, right, that I was just like, okay, wait a minute, pause for a second.

10:18Heather Monahan:It happens to everybody, you know, that you get into different moments in your life where you're like, okay, I got to take my foot off the gas for a moment. I need to breathe. I need to readjust and then I can get back to it again. So not judging anyone that isn't in that phase, but I'm proud of you that you are because I truly believe we're on this earth to reach our potential, to reach the plan that God has for us, which is so much greater than anything we can ever imagine. My life has taken so many turns that I would have never projected or conceived of. And I know it's so much greater than me.

10:56Heather Monahan:And I feel so blessed for that gift. But it's all about stepping into that unknown, stepping into that uncertainty, moving to the place where you don't know anybody, being willing to walk away from what might be okay in order to start going for great. And all of those things don't come with a guarantee. They're definitely gonna come with some hiccups along the way, but I believe they're all worth it. And I hope you do too, because I believe you are worth it. And I want you to go for more in 2023 and challenge yourself and write those goals down and share them with somebody. Go to my social media, share them on my post, DM me, Go to my website, heathermonahan.com, shoot them to me.

11:37Heather Monahan:I want you to feel accountable because the more accountable you feel, the less likely you're gonna be to let yourself down. And I definitely don't want you letting yourself down because when we break promises to ourselves, that's really the ultimate confidence destruction, right? When we tell ourselves and tell others we're gonna do something and we don't do it, yikes, that's a tough one to overcome. So it's okay to fail. It's okay to, you know, fall short, but we've got to hold our word to ourselves and stay honest and true to ourselves. And when we can do that, it doesn't matter what the outcome is.

12:13Heather Monahan:We know that we are living our truth. And that's something you can feel really, really good about. Meet a different guest each week. Confidence creator. Confidence creator. I ask you to try to find your passion. Okay, so I'm super proud about the changes I made in my life over the last year and the experiences I went through. And again, not all perfect, by the way. Oh, my gosh. Definitely not all perfect. And definitely some of them were super hard. But all experiences that I learned something from, took something from, and I'm choosing today to be grateful for. So I hope you're finding some things to be grateful for in your day.

13:00Heather Monahan:So I have a couple of different clients that I coach. And one of them, so interesting, she's an experience very similar to the one that I used to be in when I was in corporate America, where she's surrounded by some people who don't always have her back, who aren't always cheering her on. Or if they are, it's tongue in cheek. And they're also stabbing her in the back at the same time. And on a call that we had this week, she was explaining to me some of the awful things that were happening at work. P.S. This is real life. If you are in corporate America or you have been, you know, the truth is toxic cultures are out there.

13:37Heather Monahan:They're not everywhere, but they are in a lot of places, a lot of companies. And it's just shocking sometimes to hear how awful some people can be to one another. But one of the things that I wanted to share with her and I want to share with you is I reminded her it's not number one. It's not about her, right? When people treat you really badly or do something very, very harmful to you, hurtful, that's about them. That's not about you. It says a lot about them. It says very, very little about you. How you respond to that situation says a lot about you. And I just reminded her that we don't know what that person's going through and I'm not making excuses for them.

14:15Heather Monahan:But I do think it's important to take a step back, pause, don't react, respond with grace, and elegance, even though it's not always easy. Give yourself a little bit of time, go for a run, do something to separate from reacting, which is never the right answer. And when you give yourself that grace, you give yourself that pause, you'll be able to see things in a more clear way. And one of the things I asked her was, what's your ultimate goal from this? Right? And I think that's a great question to ask ourselves. But what do we ultimately want from the situation? We want to tell this person off and tell them they're wrong?

14:50Heather Monahan:Probably not, right? That's probably not that beneficial. Is it that we just want to be heard? No, we have good people in our lives that if we want to be heard, we can share with people we trust and love. So then what is it we want to rectify the situations so we don't repeat the same situation again? Or do we want to set boundaries, right? Like from a healthy standpoint, what is it that we ultimately want to achieve? And one of the things I offered to her was maybe it's that you just want to survive the situation for right now as best and positively as you can for both parties, knowing this person is in your rearview mirror, you're not staying working with someone like this, you are moving on, because these people don't deserve you, right?

15:28Heather Monahan:So it's figuring that out first, like, what is your ultimate goal in the situation? What do you ultimately want? And then seeing everything through that lens, in regards to what is the strategy we need to implement? What are the next steps we need to take? So definitely get curious about those questions before you react. And instead, take a moment, pause and respond after you've thought about it after you've answered them. But it really threw me for a loop hearing her situation this week and remembering that I was in a situation like that all of the time for 14 years. And I endured that way too long.

16:06Heather Monahan:You've got to give yourself an end date, Right. So the best goals are smart goals, specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely. And when you think about your goals in that regard, especially your goals for 2023, you've got to give yourself a deadline. Right. So it's just a dream unless you're willing to put a deadline on it. And for me, I kept kicking that can down the road when I was at that company for 14 years. Oh, I'm sure it'll get better or I'm not going to put up this anymore. I'm sure it'll change. Or, you know, there was, I just, I wouldn't pull the trigger and put that deadline on it.

16:42Heather Monahan:And it was definitely because of fear. I was afraid. I didn't know how I would make money. And I got myself so caught up in this circling the drain kind of attitude that, if I'm not here, what if I'm not good? If I, if maybe it's because the company that I'm so successful, all these fake fears that weren't real, talking myself into the devil I know, instead of the devil I don't. Well, I'm here to tell you on the other side of it, there was a devil I knew, but the other side of it was not a devil. It was just the unknown. And changing our language is so incredibly powerful. I know I've shared this with you before.

17:21Heather Monahan:I used to always say, I have golden handcuffs. I can't leave. Well, I was speaking that to be a truth to myself. I was holding myself there with these made up golden handcuffs. Instead of I wish that I had known to say I'm in a really difficult situation because I've been here for a long time and I'm really scared to leave. However, I'm never going to realize my potential. I'm never going to realize the other opportunities that are out there for me until I take the leap, until I pick my head up outside of this awful situation and start looking for where else I can add value, what other problems I can solve and what other good I can do in the world.

18:00Heather Monahan:Something tells me that's a better solution. So for you in your situation right now, pick your head up. Stop speaking in words and using words that are holding you back. Instead, start empowering yourself with the words that will thrust you forward and try to be as mindful as possible, right? Being self-aware is everything. And when I get into a rut, I am not self-aware at all, right? I'll start throwing myself a pity party or get angry at somebody else, right? There's this whole natural bad behavior that I have when things get really challenging. I think I had mentioned to you I had fallen a couple of weeks ago and my doctor said I couldn't work out for a few weeks.

18:42Heather Monahan:Me not being able to work out is like the worst news ever. And of course, I understand your body needs to heal and we have to, you know, do what's right. But it's been super trying for me. and I realized one of my biggest ways to overcome stress is to work out, right? So not having that, I was getting into some bad moods that is not my typical way to be and I was really having to do the work to remind myself, okay, get up and go for a walk outside, drink some water, get more sleep tonight, right? Do the things that you can control when you're not in control of all the things you really wish you were because for me, I really wished I could have been working out every day and I haven't been able to, but instead see that you're lucky that you're someone who has a future where you will be able to work out and there are things you can do today instead.

19:34Heather Monahan:So trying to get back to that present moment and realize everything is temporary and embrace that instead of circling the drain and driving yourself crazy like I've been doing the past couple of weeks. Okay, so I hope that that helps you or gives you some insight in some ways that you're not alone. I'm right here with you. I definitely get into the negative moments myself. However, I've learned it's up to each one of us to pull ourselves right back out and not wait for the lifeguard to come throw us a buoy, but instead to find a branch or something else and pull ourselves right out of it. Oh, and that reminds me that, oh my gosh, a great branch for you to pull yourself out of a rut is my soul sayings, my new product.

20:17Heather Monahan:Oh my gosh, I'm obsessed. I partner with a good friend of mine who has a really successful shoe company and we created these amazing sayings for the bottom of your shoes so that you set yourself up for success today and every day, especially for the moment when you're feeling down and feeling like you can't pull yourself out. You can remind yourself by looking at the bottom of your shoes and seeing that note that we left you there because we are there with you pulling you up and you don't need to do it alone. Soul sayings, love it. Oh my gosh, the feedback's been great. Check it out. I will put the link in the show notes below.

20:50Heather Monahan:Okay, so one of the things that's been interesting for me over the last couple years is how often surprises come into my life that everything else used to be very linear before when I was in corporate America, I knew the next thing that was going to happen for the most part, right? I knew I could forecast, I could project, anticipate. Well, my life has not been like that the last few years as I've been on my own, which makes it incredibly scary and incredibly rewarding and exciting and fun and amazing, right? Right. So there's two sides to any coin. I'm choosing to lean into the exciting, fun and rewarding side.

21:25Heather Monahan:But there are moments where it's scary. This one, not so much. At the beginning of every year, as you know, I set major goals, crazy goals like I want to be a New York Times bestseller. I want to be the number one keynote speaker in the world. I mean, I want to have a top 10 business podcast on Apple and Spotify. We're top 25 right now, by the way, which is amazing. And that's all because of you. So thank you so much. But we're still not to top 10 yet, right? So I've got work to grow and things to do to get better. But I set these crazy ambitious goals. And then sometimes things show up in my life that I didn't set an intention for or I didn't have a plan for.

22:01Heather Monahan:And those are just incredible blessings. And one of those blessings came to fruition this week, which was really amazing. So being in the speaking business, I mean, you can be hired from sports teams to massive corporations to events to charities. I mean, there's so many different people and venues and events that can hire you. And you never know. I mean, on any given day, I could get 10 inquiries to my website or on social media, someone inquiring about hiring me. Well, a few months ago, the Miami Heat reached out to me and I live in Miami. So that's an ideal client because you don't have to get on a plane and travel and a huge brand and super exciting.

22:40Heather Monahan:And the funny thing was, I've been to the Heat Arena. It used to be American Airlines Arena. Now it's called FTX Arena. I've been there thousands of times because my old job was in the media business. And so we would have concerts there all the time. Of course, I was a huge Heat fan and I went to, especially when LeBron was here, I went to every single game. And so it was just so surreal for me having this moment to say, oh, my gosh, this venue I've been to literally thousands of times over the last 20 years. And I love going to. And it's so exciting to go there. I'm going to arrive this week as the talent, as the speaker, not as the audience.

23:20Heather Monahan:And it was such a wild moment going in there. However, because I've been speaking now so much so for the last five years, and then prior to that, I spoke for 20 years in corporate America. But, you know, on this keynote speaker journey, I felt confident going in, of course, and I was excited about it. but it still was one of these wild, surreal moments to just say, wow, like what a blessing, what a gift. I feel so blessed, but reminding myself I did the work to get here. And this actually wasn't one thing that I had set a specific intention for. It had crossed my mind. I thought that would be incredible.

23:59Heather Monahan:But when the day actually came, it blew me away. It was definitely one of those moments that you don't forget.