Confidence Classic: The Mindset Shifts That Help You Break Out of a Rut with Heather!

0:00Heather Monahan:Maybe the reason why you haven't been getting the things you wanted is you deserved so much better. But you had to let go of that mediocre. You had to let go of that average so that you could grab the great. And in order to grab that great, you have to let go. Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to.

0:36Heather Monahan:So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so I wanted to share a quick story about a woman that I do some coaching for. She's incredibly successful. She is in corporate America. She's a senior vice president of one of the largest companies in the U.S. And a rock star, complete and total rock star. But like most of us, you know, she has her moments where she needs someone to give her a hand and help pick her up. And she wants to run ideas against somebody else who's been in similar situations, which is super smart.

1:16Heather Monahan:I completely get it. Well, this week I was very taken aback by a meeting that I had with her. she sent me a text message and said, hey, is there any chance we can meet this week? We weren't supposed to meet this week. And I said, yeah, of course, we'll find time. We got on the calendar, found the time. And as soon as I got on the call with her, she says, this is so dumb. And she kept saying that. I know this is so dumb, but listen, hey, listen, this is really dumb. This, I don't know what's going on. I'm being so dumb. And before she could get anything else out of her mouth, I just stopped her and said, first of all, whatever it is, it's not dumb.

1:52Heather Monahan:You're not dumb. You're one of the most successful, smartest people I know. So let's fire that, right? The point that I want to make for you right now is sometimes we don't even notice how we're speaking to ourselves or how we are labeling ourselves. And doing that puts us beneath others. Doing that is a major holdback. So this week, today, notice how are you speaking about yourself? What are the words that you're using about you to you and to others? And I talk about this a lot. We teach other people how to treat us. If you're running around through the world telling people you're dumb, they're going to believe it eventually, right?

2:31Heather Monahan:Maybe not right off the bat, but at some point in time, if you sell someone something long enough, they're probably going to buy it. So don't call yourself dumb. Call yourself things that you would like other people to emulate. Meaning, once I heard what her predicament was, it wasn't that she was being dumb. It was she was regressing to past behavior in her life, right? So we all grow and change and evolve. We're not the same people we were when we're one year old as we are today. It's normal. It's evolution in our lives and growth in our life. And that's totally normal and expected. that if you're not having growth in your life, you get a problem.

3:10Heather Monahan:So when you notice, hmm, I'm noticing that I'm behaving in a way that I used to behave when I was younger that didn't serve me, that's amazing. It's incredible self-awareness, being reflective, which is so mature and insightful, right? And it's noticing a regression to a past behavior that you had fired, terminated, and you no longer signed up for. And now you're saying, hey, I'm doing this again. This is temporary. I want to pause and I want to dig deep into this so that I can get it out of my life again. So to me, though, there was nothing dumb about the situation. It was the opposite. It was incredibly intuitive and smart and reflective.

3:50Heather Monahan:And I was so proud of her. Right. So I want you to feel that same kind of pride. If you have a moment today or this week where you notice a behavior that comes up, that's something that you no longer subscribe to, give yourself the grace for a moment and say, hey, I recognize that isn't my best, but that's in my past. That's in my rear view. And I noticed it. I hit the brakes. I took a moment. I reset and I move forward in a better direction. That's growth, right? So give yourself the praise, give yourself the recognition instead of turning it into a beat up session, which will not help you. I will never forget this.

4:26Heather Monahan:I was in therapy for so long in my, I think all of my twenties and thirties. And my therapist said to me, anytime that I'd beat myself up for making a bad decision or a bad choice, she'd always say to me, how's that panning out for you? How's that working out for you? Beating yourself up all the time. Does that help you? No, it never did. I felt worse the next day, felt more upset the more I'd beat myself up. So I learned whether you need to take a picture of yourself when you're a small little baby or an adorable child and pull that out of your wallet and look at it and say, do I want to beat this person up?

4:59Heather Monahan:Right? Whatever you need to do to get yourself to hit the brakes and say, beating myself up is not helpful. It's not successful. I make mistakes all the time. I actually today, I was putting pressure on my son, I wanted to order some presents for him for Christmas. So I have something under the tree, because he hasn't given me a list yet. And there's just not a lot of stuff in stores right now. So you have to order things online. And so I don't feel comfortable waiting to the last minute. So he put some things in some carts, and I just pulled the trigger and bought it. And later on today, he said, Hey, you didn't pull the trigger on that stuff, right?

5:31Heather Monahan:I hadn't decided what I really wanted. And I don't really want that stuff. And I thought, Oh, my gosh, you've got to be kidding me. And I said, Well, you know what, here's the thing. I'm doing the best I can. In fact, I'm trying to accelerate things so I can have gifts here for you at the house. I did pull the trigger. And he was upset. He said, Well, I don't think those are the things I want. And now you're wasting money. And right, he was trying to be helpful. I was getting a little frustrated. But then I just I gave us both grace. And I said, listen, we're not going to do everything perfectly all the time.

5:59Heather Monahan:That's okay. However, I'm coming from the right place in my heart that I want to have gifts for you under a Christmas tree, right? For Christmas, you're coming from the right place that you don't want to waste money, but you know, we're both doing the best we can. So yes, I did pull the trigger. Yes. The stuff is on its way here now. And you know what? In the end, if you don't like it, we can always return it or exchange it, or we can give it away as a gift to somebody else. So let's make the best of it. And let's recognize we're not always going to do everything perfectly. And that's perfectly okay.

6:31Heather Monahan:So I hope that message resonates with you today. I hope you can land it and use it in your life if you need it today or this week. Because I definitely have my moments where I need to use it for me. And I love that idea of having that picture of little me and looking at that picture and saying, I don't want to beat that little girl up. In fact, I want to take care of that little girl, protect her. I want to elevate her. I want to cheer her on. So I'm going to speak to me that way today to make sure I'm doing those things for her. And I hope you're doing the same. Meet a different guest each week.

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8:33Heather Monahan:Okay, so I wanted to share a DM that I received this weekend that really got my attention. It was so sweet. And I also find it when people send me notes like this, that maybe it will resonate with other people. So I just got a short DM on LinkedIn and said, Hey, Heather, it's amazing what you've overcome and where you are now. The reminder that it's not the end when it feels like it is, is really helpful for me. So that whole idea, and I want to talk to you about this, about your life. and I know what she's talking about is that in a moment, so for me, in the moment I was getting fired, it totally felt like the end.

9:13Heather Monahan:I don't want to fool you and pretend it didn't. I was having panic attacks. I thought it was over. I had a non-compete, non-solicit. I could not go back to the industry I had expertise in for 18 months. I didn't know how I was going to make money. I'm a single mom. I have mortgage. I have bills coming out my ears, right? I have a big life. And I was shocked I had been fired. I truly thought for a window of time that it was over. It was the end. And probably for about 24 hours, I felt that way. I was under a weighted blanket. I was freaking out, bawling my eyes out. And when I eventually came to, that's when I posted, hey, I've just been fired.

9:49Heather Monahan:If I've ever done anything to help you, I need to hear from you now. And that post went viral. Landed me on the Elvis Duran show, which is where I discovered I was writing a book, which is what led me to Confidence Creator, my first book, which killed it on Amazon. number one on Amazon the first week it came out and very recently named to the top business books for women by Forbes, right? It's done so incredibly well. And that initiative, writing that book is what opened the door for me to become top 50 keynote speaker in 2022. Get my first TEDx talk, land my board seat, launch my consulting business, launch my podcast, which right now is number 25 on the top business podcast in the US on the Apple podcast chart.

10:32Heather Monahan:So all these things were unknown to me. I had no idea. I had to move from, this is the end of my story. My story is over. I feel like everything's over. I feel like everything's been taken away from me. I had to move from that to, this is a redirection. This is the middle of my story. I have no idea where I'm going, but I'm going to accept that no, it is not over. It is far from over. In fact, I just don't know where I'm going next, but I'm turning the page on the middle of the story and I'm about to see what's going to happen next. So I started stepping forward in faith, like this whole idea of I can't see what's next.

11:14Heather Monahan:I don't know where to go. It's not well lit. There was no linear path, but having this faith that there's something larger out there guiding me, that there's something larger out there, that something bigger is meant for me. And I just don't know what that means exactly yet. And stepping out into the unknown at first can be incredibly scary because you think you're going to fall and you think you're going to fail and you think it could be all over. And what if it is the end? But what if it's not? What if it's just the middle? You know, and look back in your life. There are moments of time, like for me, when getting divorced was another big moment, right?

11:53Heather Monahan:Oh my gosh, is this it? Is it over? Am I never going to find love again? Am I never going to be married again? Right? What does this mean? Is it all done for me? And it turns out, no, it wasn't right. These are moments in time. They are not the end. They are the middle, the messy middle and the messy middle can seem so uncomfortable, but can give you the greatest gifts that you never even knew were out there for you. Maybe the reason why you haven't been getting the things you wanted is you deserved so much better, but you had to let go of that mediocre. You had to let go of that average so that you could grab the great.

12:31Heather Monahan:And in order to grab that great, you have to let go. And so for me, whether it was my marriage or it was getting fired and being unhappy in a job, the key was letting go of what wasn't working. So you could start stepping into that unknown, that messy middle to figure out what you're really meant for. And I know it's not always easy. I'm living it. I am living proof, right? I promise you, it's not always easy, but it is worth it. And I just believe that God has you here for a reason. And it's something big and meaningful and so important. And it's our job and right to find out what that is. And in order to do that, no one's handing us that gift or handing us that answer.

13:16Heather Monahan:It's up to us to step into the darkness, to step into the unknown, to start figuring it out. And it truly does start taking shape. But you will only know these things when you look back. You can't know them looking forward, right? I can't tell you how many different partnerships and business plans and business proposals I've worked on for different product lines. It's ridiculous. Many of them, most of them have not worked out. But my first two books worked out amazing. This podcast, the one you're listening to right now, has worked out amazing. My board seat has worked out amazing. There's been so many things that have worked out incredibly that I didn't know were going to happen.

13:55Heather Monahan:and that's what gives me further faith to keep moving forward in the unknown, keep stepping into the uncertainty. So start leveraging your past, those moments from your past where you say, oh yeah, I got divorced too and it turned out it was the greatest thing that ever happened for me because I met my new husband or I started to really love myself or whatever it is for you. Write those things down and use those as the bedrock and foundation for you to step forward and have more faith that there is greater ahead for you, whether you're struggling right now or things are going well, right? You've gotta find a way to start building that momentum to keep propelling you forward.

14:36Heather Monahan:And when times are tough and things are uncertain, it can be trickier, it can be more challenging. And those are the moments that you need to look back and say, wait a minute, this is familiar to me. It's so familiar. For me, I look at getting divorced, I look at getting fired, I looked at when the pandemic hit, right? Because my speaking business had blown up and I was killing it and overnight it disappeared. But I said to myself, wait a minute, I've seen this movie before. These are, it's like these other times. I've got to start stepping into the uncertainty. Done is going to be better than perfect.

15:09Heather Monahan:I've got to take messy action and see where this leads me. I've got to have faith that there's something meant for me out there. I just don't know what it is yet. So today, tomorrow, this week, I'm asking you to give that same sentiment to your life, whatever it is. And I don't know if you just lost a job. I don't know if you're afraid to take the risk to start your own thing. Whatever it may be, start taking messy action. Don't expect to have all the answers. You will never be perfectly ready and the climate will never be perfect. But I know that when I look back on my life, at the end of my life, when I'm 999 years old, no, whatever age I'm going to be.

15:47Heather Monahan:But at the end of my life, I can always look back and say, I'm the one that took messy action. I'm the one that has the books out there. I'm the one that took that leap of faith, not knowing what was going to happen, whether I would sell one book or 1 million. I had no idea, but I knew if it could serve and help one person, than I had done my job. So take that pressure off of you, take the risk on you, and listen to the one voice that matters so, so much, and that's your own. And you have these answers inside of you. I promise you that you do. When I stopped asking everybody else what they thought I should do, that's when I started figuring out what I was meant to do.

16:25Heather Monahan:And that's a really powerful moment. Okay, so you're in the middle of your story, and yes, I get what it seems like, it and I liken this to when I was in corporate America when I quote unquote made it right I'd made it to the c-suite I was making a ton of money I had multiple assistants I had teams multiple teams I was responsible for but my main department was sales and I had over a thousand people in that department so I had so much support so much around resources and I had so much expertise and my network was so big because I had been in the industry for almost 25 years at that time I wasn't it didn't feel like I was in the middle anymore it felt like I was at the top right and here's what's interesting about that versus right now because I'm so in the middle right now I don't have you know 25 years expertise podcast host or author or any of these things right I'm still a rookie I'm only a few years in and it's so interesting because now when I look back I remember when I felt like I had made it to the top there was a certain level yes there's a certain level of you know how much money is coming in every month like you know what like there's there's benefits, right?

17:31I'm not going to lie about that, but there's much less excitement,

17:36Heather Monahan:right? Cause there's very little unknown. I could forecast everything. I knew what trends were taking place quarters before they started to have, I could see things happening. Cause I had so much experience doing it now as a rookie, I don't have that expertise. So it is exciting because incredible things happen all the time and they're unexpected. Cause I just don't have the knowledge that I had, I used to have. So start seeing being in the middle of your story as a blessing and a gift, and it truly will become one. And that's why I'm so excited to get up every day. I am living my life's purpose.

18:11Heather Monahan:I'm doing my life's work. I am helping to make the world a better place. And I hope in some small way I can do that for you. I hope to show up every day and try to bring positivity and some joy to life for at least one person and definitely for myself and my son every day. When I thought I had made it, I didn't have this excitement every day that I have now. And it's a lot more fun to be excited and joyful every day than to be in the grind and feel like, huh, so this is it. And I remember I had that feeling. So if you're having that feeling right now, why not turn the page and get to the middle of your story, the messy middle, so you can start taking chances, you can start figuring out that you are meant for more, and you'll start seeing where that leads you and what that actually looks like.

19:00Heather Monahan:Another way that I can frame this up is when I first got into sales, and I was, I don't know, 21 or whatever, my first sales job at the Gala Winery, I remember I would tell people when I first started, I'm going to be the number one salesperson here this year. It was like 99 men and two women. I was one of the two women. I'm not kidding. That's fact. And I would tell people and I was 21. Most people were like in their 40s, probably my age right now, had so much more experience than I did. But one thing I saw about them was they were set in their ways and they were complacent, not all of them, but most of them.

19:36Heather Monahan:They saw things through one lens, one way to do it. And I remember coming in there and saying, I'm going to see this so differently. Number one, I remember saying I will outwork everybody here. I had this conversation in my head. I can work harder than anyone here. Number two, I'm a woman, which makes me different. I'm going to see things differently from the word go just because I was born different from these people. I have different strengths than they do. I'm going to find a different and better way to do it. And I didn't know what that was yet. And yet is the operative word here. And this is what I want you to think about.

20:08Heather Monahan:I want you to think about maybe you're in the medical business. And when you first started off, you didn't know all the answers yet, but you had faith that you would figure it out along the way. And now you have and apply that same reasoning and rationale to whatever that messy middle of your story is now. Right. So for me, when I first wrote confidence creator, I remember thinking, I have no idea what I'm doing. I am a total rookie novice author. Can I even call myself an author? Is that even legal? and I had to dial it down a little bit and say, wait a minute, I don't know what I'm doing yet.

20:41Heather Monahan:This is my first book, but there's a really good chance there could be more. And as I step forward in the unknown, I'll start to figure it out. Just like I did when I was a first time sales rep at the Gala Winery and I would make these claims that I was gonna be the number one salesperson of the year. And guess what? I was. And I'll tell you, I didn't know yet what I didn't know, but stepping into that messy unknown turning that page, not knowing what was going to happen, being willing to double down and take chances on me and doing things differently is what allowed me to find success so quickly in that organization.

21:19Heather Monahan:And now I'm retraining myself to say, I don't know what it's like to be a New York Times bestselling author yet, but I will. And I have all the faith in the world that I will. I haven't figured out what that looks like yet, but I figured out these other things, which leads me to believe I'll figure these out too. And that's the reasoning that I'm hoping you use today and this week and this month and through the end of this year and launching into 2023 is you don't have to have all the expertise in the world. You don't have to be the one with all the degrees. You can be the one that says, I haven't figured it out yet, but I have faith that I will because I figured out all of these other things too.

22:01Meet a different guest each week.

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