Confidence Classic: Trust Your Gut, Embrace the Challenge, and Keep Growing with Heather!

0:00Heather Monahan:How we see the world is not always the way other people see it. There's always two or more sides to any story and perspectives on it. We all have that choice each and every day to be the carrot and be weakened by the environment around us, to be the egg and become hardened and negative by the environment around us, or to be the coffee bean and transform the environment around us. The change part is uncomfortable. The stepping out of your comfort zone, doing the things you've never done before, it always is uncomfortable. But what's so important to remember is that these things can all change so fast.

0:33Heather Monahan:We never know what another person's thinking. So who can you forgive today? Who do you need to ask for forgiveness today? And who can you pray for today? Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Tell me, have you been enjoying these new bonus confidence classics episodes we've been dropping on you every week? We've literally hundreds of episodes for you to listen to. So these bonuses are a great way to help you find the ones you may have already missed. I hope you love this one as much as I do.

1:12Heather Monahan:Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back with me this week. Okay, so interesting topic that I want to discuss today. How about this? If you sense something is off, trust your gut. That is one thing I want you to remember from today. If you're just thinking in the back of your mind, something doesn't seem right, it's because it's not. Trust yourself and don't dismiss it. Let me back it up. So about a month ago, my son gets, you know, he gets emails from school all the time. Parents are copied on these email sometimes whatnot. So I get an email that he's got a trip coming up, you know, in four or six weeks or whatever it was and with all these forms that have to be filled out and whatnot.

1:59Heather Monahan:So anyways, I fill out all the forms. And again, this is not like some luxurious trip, right? This is a go live in a tent for a week with bugs, you know, not something kids are going to be excited about, right? He's had to do this before. He's had to do it once in elementary school in fifth grade. And then when he didn't do well during the pandemic, he had to go to summer camp for a month and live in a situation similar to this. So he's very familiar with it and very clear on his preference, which is not to put himself in that environment. So I fill out the forms and, you know, kind of didn't really think about it again because it was whatever, six weeks away or whatever it was.

2:38Heather Monahan:It wasn't, you know, coming up in the next week or two. So as we get closer to the trip, I say to my son, hey, we need to start, you know, getting some of these supplies together and, you know, getting you situated and packed up for this trip. And he said, oh, it's optional. You don't have to go. And I thought to myself, it's optional. Really? Huh. That's funny because why would they send out all that paperwork? It seemed pretty clear and direct that everyone was going. but okay if it's optional you know I'm surprised but okay so I sort of left it at that I thought it was a little weird you have the hunch that oh maybe I should have sent an email to school right but I dismissed it my son's 15 he's not five right so I'm thinking he's communicating with me what he knows and he doesn't want to go and it's optional so okay so a couple of weeks ago I start getting emails from the school about the upcoming trip.

3:34Heather Monahan:And my son plays basketball. So he did not need to go. There was two different weeks he could go and he couldn't go one week because he had games. And I knew that. And so I start seeing that one group is going that week and my son's supposed group is the following week. So I'm getting all this communication and I'm on a group mom chat. And so I'm seeing everything about the trip from the first group that's going. I'm still thinking to myself, it's a little weird that he's not going, but okay, whatever. So one day he comes home and I said, you really are positive you don't need to go on this trip.

4:09Heather Monahan:And he says, yeah, there's like 45 kids or whatever not going. You know, you don't need to go. You can just stay and take classes. Instead, I thought that would make you happy, mom, that I actually wanted to stay and take classes. And I'm still thinking, okay, a little weird, but whatever. cut to Friday night and he's supposed to be leaving on Monday if he was going to be going on the trip. But now that he's not going, he's going to be going to school. Well, Friday night, he gets home from school and he says to me, well, you know, with this whole not going on the school trip thing, mom, maybe it's best that we go a little late to school on Monday.

4:47Heather Monahan:Well, right then is when I knew something is off, something is awry. And this is what I'm telling you. I should have trusted my gut back four or six weeks prior when I sensed, huh, it's a little weird that it didn't say optional attendance in the email, but I dismissed it. And now it was becoming clear. Yes, there were a number of kids not going, but either, obviously, their parents were fine with them not going and or they had legitimate reasons why. Like my son had sports one week, you know, these kids had other commitments or something else, but it wasn't just optional. I had clarity in that moment and I should have trusted my gut and my instinct back four or six weeks prior to this.

5:24Heather Monahan:Please, if you're getting the sense that something is off, trust your instinct. This is your message today. Okay, so Friday night, I say to him, so basically I'm clear right now that this thing is not optional. It's mandatory and you're looking for a way to join your friends who are choosing to opt out for whatever reason. That's not gonna fly. So why don't we talk about getting you ready for this trip? And that's when a smile comes over his face. Oh, my gosh. These are the moments, I don't know if you have kids or not, but in parenting, when you think to yourself, oh, gosh, I have these great moments in time with my child and think I'm doing such a great job as a parent.

6:04Heather Monahan:This is one of those moments where I, no, no, I'm feeling like an epic failure. How dare this kid come home on a Friday letting me know that he wasn't direct and clear with me, misleading me. And now when I'm calling him out on it, you know, he wants to find a way to get out because he basically thinks it's too late now to turn it around. Because of course, now the entire weekend's been full on crisis mode, trying to get all the camping stuff. Nightmare. First world problems, but, you know, could have been completely avoided had we had clear, honest communication, which we had not. So I tell him, I said, you lied to me.

6:41Heather Monahan:Oh, that did not go well. Because he says, I did not lie to you. I truly thought it was optional because one week I didn't have to go. So many people are not going at all. So why couldn't I join the not going at all club? Anyhow, not a great weekend. We're going to put it that way. And definitely stressful. And definitely I was not happy with the fact that I had not had upfront communication and not feeling like I'm, you know, parenting in this incredible way. And the crazy part is that things can change so incredibly fast in your life. Some for the positive, some for the negative, right? Well, my son had just applied for a program that he wants to get into.

7:20Heather Monahan:He had written his own essay. I'll read the essay to you. I was so proud and excited by this essay and blown away. And then cut to here we are a week later, and I'm having issues with him being upfront and honest and direct with me, right? So in life, things do not always stay constant. You can have your highs and lows. And that's why it's so important. Celebrate the highs when you have them. They can be gone very quickly and replaced with something not so great, which I was reminded of this weekend. So things change fast. Enjoy the moments that are positive when you can. And equally as important, know that this too shall pass when you are in the tough moments because they don't stay forever.

8:02Heather Monahan:And these crisis situations, while they are intense and negative and feel overwhelming, they will pass too. Meet a different guest each week. I don't know what to do. Confidence creator. Confidence creator. I ask you to try to find your passion. She's happy. First, I'm going to read you the submission because I'm super excited about it. And it also reminded me that, yes, we can tell people to do things, but it's really who we are and what we do that resonates and connects with people, not what we say or who we say we are or what we tell people to do. It's who we really are and what they choose to take on from that, right?

8:46Heather Monahan:So that's one thing that I've learned from parenting. And believe me, I do not do everything perfect. I am far from a perfect parent. I make tons of mistakes like we all do. But this application made me so happy when I read it. Okay, I'm going to read to you. It's not long. I'm extremely grateful for the chance I got to go two summers ago to a camp in part of the country I'd never been before. Mind you, cut to, this is basically the same trip he was trying to get out of this year, by the way, which I find completely comical. Okay, back to this. Due to the people I met and how it altered my outlook on life, this event has so greatly impacted me.

9:22Heather Monahan:When I first arrived, P.S., this was the academic camp in the woods. I knew no one, but I knew it wouldn't be a problem for me because I'd always had no trouble making new friends. Yay! The program completely pushed me outside of my comfort zone, which helped me grow. This is so true. I had to adjust to new situations that I never would have imagined. I spent a month sleeping in a dirty, undersized tent in the chilly, gloomy, and bug-filled weather of New Hampshire. When I initially arrived, all I wanted to do was leave, but I stayed optimistic, focused on good things, and continued. Just a few weeks into the program, I fractured my arm, yet I still didn't want to leave.

10:01Heather Monahan:I taught myself how to write with my opposite hand and shower with one arm. I was having a good time regardless of the situation. I made so many wonderful friends there and it undoubtedly had a major impact on how I view life now. Okay, that was the first paragraph. I'm going to read the second one to you next. But what's so interesting is this is, he's going into a trip exactly like the one that he used on this application. It was a very, very tough time. It was completely out of his comfort zone. But here he is. He did end up having a good time. He did fracture his arm while he was there, which was a complete nightmare.

10:37Heather Monahan:But he made it. He accomplished the goal and he never quit and never gave up. And he was so proud of himself. Never quit, never give up. Once you decide you're going to do something, focus on the solution and finding a way. There will always be one. Teach yourself to write with the other hand. Teach yourself how to shower with one arm. My kid did it, and so can you. And I was so proud of him, and he, more importantly, he was so proud of himself when he made it through that program. Again, it's beyond ironic that he's going to a five-day program this week, and he tried every possible way to get out of it.

11:12Heather Monahan:I guess because now he knows what he's actually walking into. But again, the irony is at the end of it, he'll feel so proud. So sometimes having that moment to pause and say, I don't really want to go do this does not look like it's going to be fun. I'm sure there's going to be some difficulty involved and challenges for me. I'm going to be way outside of my comfort zone. But in the end, going through it's going to make me stronger, better, and it's going to be worth it. And I'm going to feel proud. So take on that hard challenge this week. Okay, here's the second part of his application essay.

11:44Heather Monahan:If I were a director on admissions, because I'm not going to give the whole thing what he's applying for. But anyways, if I was a director making the decision on this application, the characteristic I would look for in an applicant is their capacity for optimism. One of the best qualities a person and especially an applicant may have, in my opinion, is a capacity for optimism. Being optimistic while submitting an application to a school might be beneficial to that person. If you're optimistic, you have confidence in your future. You know what is intended for you and you concentrate solely on that.

12:21Heather Monahan:That's a great reminder for us for today. Being optimistic is a powerful quality in my life and I gravitate towards positive people. They enhance your perception of yourself and your situation. They're strong-minded, confident, disciplined, and focused on the positive as well as always looking forward to the future. Because why wouldn't you look forward to a positive future? Of course. I believe optimistic people are more likely to succeed because of their willpower and determination to stay positive and see the best in everything. Amen. They bring success not just to themselves, but to the people around them as they help others become their best versions of themselves too.

12:59Heather Monahan:A wise person once shared a parable with me that I like to share. In any situation, we all have a choice. I like to think of it as we have the opportunity to be a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean. Shout out to Damon West and John Gordon, the authors of the book Coffee Bean. I just added that in. Here is what I mean. The world around us is going to be difficult and sometimes much like hot water. When you put a carrot in boiling hot water, it softens immediately. When you put an egg in boiling hot water, the inside hardens in only a few minutes. However, when you drop coffee beans into boiling hot water, they transform the water.

13:40Heather Monahan:The way I understand this is that in life, I have the choice to be made weak by external situations or to be hardened by them or to transform the environment around me. Having learned this, I choose to make the conscious decision to be the coffee bean in every situation. That means I am making the decision to show up as the best leader that I can be every day to transform any challenges that present themselves around me and impact others in a positive way. This way of thinking has helped me to stay consistent and show up as the best version of me for those around me and for myself. These comments are precisely why I am grateful for your consideration for admission.

14:23Heather Monahan:I am optimistic that I can have a positive impact on your program, the people in the program today and in the future. Number one, I'm super proud of my son for writing that and thankful to Damon West and John Gordon for writing the Coffee Bean book, which I incorporate in so many of my speeches and keynotes that I give everywhere and anywhere because I love the message. It's so powerful and so important for everybody to understand that we know and children gravitate towards it. I've spoken at a number of high schools in the last year and for sports teams. And whenever I do, I always tell a story of the coffee bean.

15:01Heather Monahan:And I'll tell you, it really resonates with teens. So if you do have kids, make sure that they listen to this. Make sure that they read the coffee bean. It's a simple, simple story. It's easy to grasp. And it's so true. We all have that choice each and every day to be the carrot and be weakened by the environment around us, to be the egg and become hardened and negative by the environment around us, or to be the coffee bean and transform the environment around us. Who are you going to choose to be today? That is my question for you right now. So again, back to the full irony of this all is that my son had just written this application, done this amazing work, right?

15:41Heather Monahan:I'm super proud of it. I love that he's so focused on what he can control, his attitude, optimism, his outlook for his future, the power of the decisions he makes today, how he affects the people around him, how he does not let the external control him, but he controls his internal in any situation. So powerful, so true. And what a great foundation for perspective for your life. but then cut to him trying to find a way not to go on this trip because he knows what he's walking into and really didn't want to do it so again nobody is perfect clearly that goes for me and for my son we all are constantly growing finding ways to get better and grow from challenges but I did find it incredibly ironic that here I was celebrating him and the fact that he had accomplished that awful.

16:31Heather Monahan:He'd made it through that camp and he was so proud of himself. And then he was writing about it and then cut to now where he was trying to get out of going back to a situation again. It's just interesting to me how quickly things can change. We can go from celebrating someone to being so upset with them. And it was funny in church this weekend, my, they were talking a lot about forgiveness. They were talking about choosing to surround yourself with positive people and choosing to get the people who are negative in your life out of your life because it has a profound impact on you. Shout out to Overcome Your Villains.

17:04Heather Monahan:If you have not read Overcome Your Villains yet, it is a must read or get the Audible and let me read it to you. You meet a different guest each week.

17:21Heather Monahan:My favorite version of Overcome Your Villains is the Audible because I give you behind the scenes on every single chapter, which is pretty cool. I'm super proud of it. And I got that idea from David Goggins with his book, Can't Hurt Me. That was a great Audible book too. Okay. So you've got to cut the negative people out of your life. You've got to choose people who are going to elevate you to grow, challenge you to grow, encourage you and be a cheerleader for you and call you out with your BS. Like I called my child out on Friday, you know, you need those people. Otherwise, we're not going to get better, right?

17:55Heather Monahan:We're just going to stay right where we are, which we were not put on this planet on this earth to just stay where we are. We came here to create joy to grow to become the best possible versions of ourselves, and see that potential within ourselves and within those around us and help everybody elevates the level that they were intended to to grow to. So I hope for you this week that you think about, you know, am I going going to be a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean. If you haven't checked out that book yet, check it out. John Gordon Damon West have a new version of the book right now. I believe it's 111 principles of the coffee bean.

18:31Heather Monahan:So it's like very specific ways to break down so that you can make sure you show up as a coffee bean each week. But that's just it's so important in this crazy media environment that we all find ourselves in right now where there's so much negativity out there. There's so much fear mongering around a recession. And then the jobs report comes out and is better than ever. Nothing actually makes sense anymore. Please do not pay too much attention to media. It is not always factually based, which is unfortunate. A lot of it's driven by trying to instill fear in people. And sadly, that works. And I was just noticing, I was noticing this weekend, you know, when I look at other people or notice other people, people around me, people struggling around me, you know, why is it that people choose to be in certain situations?

19:18Heather Monahan:because the bottom line is we have all chosen the situation we're in, whether we like it or not. And believe me, there's plenty of things about my life I don't like. And I know I'm fully accountable for choosing it. If I want to do something about it, I got to change it. I've got to change the behaviors, the attitude that I have, the people I surround myself with, the tasks that I'm entering into. We're going to change the things I'm doing on a day-to-day basis to change those bigger picture outcomes in my life, which I'm on a mission to do. And I know you are too. That's why you're here with me.

19:46Heather Monahan:But we've got to take accountability for it, take responsibility for it, and then choose to change it if that is something that we want to do. And like my son said in his application, the change part is uncomfortable. The stepping out of your comfort zone, doing the things you've never done before, it always is uncomfortable. But what's so important to remember is that these things can all change so fast, right? Literally, your entire life could change today based upon one situation. you never know what's going to happen today. But it's about the attitude that you bring to the world today, first and foremost, before you leave your house, you know, taking that moment in time to say, okay, what is it that I'm going to do differently today?

20:28Heather Monahan:So back to when I was at church this weekend, I was with my son and they were talking about forgiveness was a big part of our service this weekend. And when we walked out of church, which I said to my son, I just want to let you know I forgive you. I meant I forgive you because you weren't being fully honest with me about this trip. You sent me into category five hurricane mode trying to get you now situated for this trip, which we can't. We couldn't get everything for the trip. Some of the stuff had to be ordered. Like the guy's going into the situation not fully empowered because he withheld information from me.

21:04Heather Monahan:So it was frustrating me because I want to set him up for success at every turn in his life. However, I want him to know, you know, you weren't fully honest with me, which makes me very upset, but I'm going to forgive you. And the funniest part is when I said that to him, he turned and looked at me and said, Mom, when she was talking about forgiveness, our pastor's wife was actually preaching. When she was talking about forgiveness today, Bob, I was thinking in my mind, I'm forgiving you. And I said, how are you forgiving me? And he said, because you're making me go on this trip instead of being like some of these other parents that let their kids out of it because they didn't want to go.

21:39Heather Monahan:You're making me go. But I want to let you know I'm going to I'm forgiving you. I'm going to forgive you. You're forgiven. And it was so funny. It just was one of those reminders to me that how we see the world is not always the way other people see it. It was so obvious to me in church that it was on me to forgive my son and not harbor that upset anymore. It wasn't going to do me or him any good and that it was important. I communicate that to him. And instead, that never crossed his mind. All he thought was he was going to forgive me because he had been harboring upset towards me. So we never know what another person's thinking.

22:16Heather Monahan:There's always two or more sides to any story and perspectives on it. And it's just important to ask for forgiveness when we feel like that's the right move and to grant and give others forgiveness and grace when we're harboring upset or anger towards them. So I'm grateful my son forgave me. I didn't really think I needed it, but I guess he did. So, okay, we'll take it. Thank you for the grace. Thank you for the forgiveness. And I'm grateful I forgave him because hanging on to upset and anger is the poison pill that you think you're taking that's teaching that other person a lesson, when in reality, it's only hurting you.

22:59Heather Monahan:So who can you forgive today? Who do you need to ask for forgiveness today? And who can you pray for today? That's what I'll leave you with. And the other thing that she mentioned in service was so often we say praying for you to people as if it's a sign off and not actually doing it. So maybe take this moment as we are ending here. And as you move forward with your day, take a moment to pray for someone that you're concerned about or hoping for good things for, or hoping for healing for, or hoping for a challenging situation to pass. But pray for things to get better, for God to shine his light on them, for God to help heal them, whatever it may be.

23:43Heather Monahan:Take that moment to put good out there in the world right now for someone that you know is struggling because when we take that focus off ourself and start making it about others our perspective changes and it improves drastically okay until next week keep creating your confidence you know i will be i decided to change that dynamic i couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear start learning and growing inevitably I believe something will happen. No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it. I'm on this journey with me.