Bob Mortimer, pork pie, kedgeree and an IPA

0:00Turn up the heat this Valentine's Day with a meal that brings a little steam to the table. Impress your loved one with some succulently sweet and slightly nutty tender stem broccoli, giving you that fine dining feeling without the faff. Simply boil, steam or grill your tender stem in just a few minutes and let this versatile veg take center stage on your Valentine's plate. This is Valentine's cooking, but better with tender stem broccoli. Add a pack to your weekly Waitrose shop, subject to availability. Dish from Waitrose is a cold glass production. This podcast may contain some strong language and adult themes.

0:39Hi, guys. Welcome. How are you? How are you? How are you? Lovely to see you. It's lovely to see you. Are you all right, Bob? Pork pie. Yeah. Pork pie. Pork pie. Pork pie. Maybe we should get you sat down. Yeah, let's get you sat down. Come on, let's get you sat down. Pork pie. You always know when you're in the presence of a pork pie, everything's just chill. Yeah. Life's good. Hello, welcome to Dish from Waitrose. I'm Mick Grimshaw. And I'm Angela Hartnett. How are you, Ange? I'm very well, thanks. How are you? Good. I'm just trying to think when the last time I saw you was. Royal Albert Hall.

1:12Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Yeah, we went to see a friend of Dish, Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age. Yeah. He texted me and I didn't have his number. He said, hi, Grimmy, Joshua Homme here. I'd love to invite you. Joshua. Joshua. I'd love to invite you to come to Royal Albert Hall this Wednesday, blah, blah, blah. I'd also love Angela to come, but I don't have her digits. I'd love to invite her as well. So then I texted her. I was in Milan. I was working in Milan. So I texted Angela. I said two things. Do you know anywhere? Nice to eat Milan. And two, can Joshua, homie, have your number? And she wrote back, one, no.

1:49And two, yes. Efficient. Chef efficiency. No, yes. That's how I answer all my texts. No, I love it. Listen, let's not f*** them out. You asked me two questions, I answered them. Yeah, exactly. You're lucky you got an answer. So I sent your number once you approved. Yes. And I sent it and I said, this is HRH in Villa Hartnett. He said, I shall reach out to HRH too. And I said, she will obviously need some sort of royal box. Anyway, so then we... We all went. We went. And it was breaking. Me and Mish went down there and then we met you. Yeah. Wander in the corridors. Wander in the corridors. What is going on?

2:28But I tell you what, the show was really... Because I thought it was just a regular Queens of the Stone Age show. It was incredible. It wasn't. It was off the charts. Yeah. And we saw some ex-Dish people there as well, didn't we? We did. Graham Norton was there. Graham Norton was there. Damien Lewis. Damien Lewis was there. Off the Dish was there. Yeah, and I tell you what, I like when someone invites you to summer and they know how to do it. Like, he hosted us. Yes, it's true. He was like, come, have a drink before. not just us whoever he invited and then he had his mate Clem making margaritas and I got chatting to Clem and she said that Josh went for dinner at her house after he'd been to Dish and he was raving about the food and he said he came and was like buzzing because he'd had Angela's food and then yeah so shout out to Clem who made the margaritas I thought she worked there at first you did actually where's the tonic she said do you want a margarita and I said, oh, I'd love one, please.

3:27And she said, I've made them. Hello, that makes me feel like you work there. And I said, amazing. I said, can I get a glass of water? She said, we can help myself to a glass of water. I don't work here. And I was like, oh, shit, sorry. She was like, I'm his friend. I was like, oh, well, you're... It was because she was at the bar and asked me if I worked a margarita. So apologies to Clem. She was brilliant. Didn't work there, yeah. And today we have Bob Mortimer. I love Bob Mortimer. Have you ever met him? Never met him, but big fan. Yeah, me too. We had a really nice time on... He came on the radio not too long ago.

3:57And he's one of the most loved guests that we've ever had on. Like the reaction you get from him. Bob is in so many brilliant things on the telly, Would I Lie to You, Last One Laughing, Gone Fishing. But he said today to talk about his book, The Long Shoe. He's had a lot of books, Bob. I know, I've read his other book. Well, he's done a few, but I've read The Hotel Advocado, which is brilliant over the summer. And I'm sort of about two thirds of the way through that. I started reading it last night and the night before. and now I just basically want this show to be over today so I can get back into the book.

4:28Get back into it. Okay, well, that's a great sign. Yeah, it's a good sign. Great sign. We can't wait to talk to Bob, but we are going to first talk about parsnips. Feels like the natural thing to do, doesn't it? Feels the natural thing. We shake them like maracas for me. Right, what do you want to know about parsnips? What do you do with a parsnip? What do I do with a parsnip? I would slice it long, not chunks. Right. And then I would roast it. Okay, nice. With some, a little bit of oil, salt and pepper. Lovely. Carrots as well. In there, yeah. And then maybe honey at the end for like the last 10 minutes or something.

5:03Yeah. What's the key you need to, I like it, I'm questioning you. Yeah, come on. What's the key thing about knowing when to eat parsnips? Well, I wouldn't eat them in the summer. You need a frost. That's when they taste better. Parsnips, always the best. Never have parsnips unless it's been really cold weather because they're just much sweeter after the frost. So you'd wait until frost. Yeah, wait until frost. so you won't eat these yet you can still eat them now but cold no frost not cold there's been a little frost there was the other day no I've been to Scotland there was snow yeah I'm talking about where I am down in Hackney when are you growing cornies in Hackney oh yeah they don't grow there oh okay I think it meant for me to be in frost that makes more sense

5:46there's been no snow we can't be anything well when there's frost in Hackney I was like oh I see what you mean.

5:57That does make more sense. Maybe I wasn't clear. Sorry, no, you were. The parsnips need the frost, yeah. It's that blue jumper. Okay, when there's been frost weather, parsnip is growing. Yes, they need cold weather. They become much sweeter. That's so it's better to eat them after a frost. Okay. So you can roast them like you said. You make parsnip soup with them. You can do thin strips and fry them. and you could put them in a slaw, but you can fry them. So you've got parsnip crisps as well. I love parsnip crisps. Parsnip's crisps, so they work really well. And you can use them like carrots and put them in a cake as well.

6:32Oh. Yeah, and I've known people who's about parsnip ice cream. Oh. I wonder if Misha would like that. I would like that, yeah. Savory but sweet there. It's a good shape to feed to a donkey. Yes. It is though, isn't it? And hash browns. And hash browns. Break them into hash browns with potatoes. I love parsnip. Very versatile parsnip. Fragrant. Okay, well that's parsnips done. Should we welcome in Bob Mortimer? We should indeed. Let's do it. Time to welcome our guest to Dish today, Angela. Like a great pork pie, bear with me. He is a British classic. He's made of meat. No, I am. It's a fact. He can be enjoyed with relish.

7:15Yes. Please welcome national treasure, Bob Mortimer. Hi, Bob. Hi, Bob. Thank you for having me. What a privilege. What a pleasure. And we've got you some pork pie with mustard, piccoli and some chutney and crisps as well. Crisps as well. Well, they're not crisps. They're like onion... Ringo's. Ringo's. Ringo's. I think the greatest snack ever, ever. For me. Yeah. May I try one? Please. They're for you. They're for you. That is your starter. Angela's been making them for days. It took me a long time to get that recipe. Am I right in saying that the Ringo is how you got your Michelin star? Is that what the test was?

8:00Do a Ringo. But have some pork pie as well, please. Please do get involved. I didn't have any breakfast, so I'd be hungry. Oh, there you go. This is absolutely perfect stuff to the day. Yeah, and have some of the chutneys. A pork pie. Are you having some pork pie, Anne? I'm going to have a bit of pork pie. Yeah? A bit of pork pie. I mean, I can't eat all the things that I really love. Yeah. because of my heart problems. But I do eat it. Right. Bob, while you're having your pork pie, we have some heart-hitting questions to ask you. Beginning with... You fire away. We were talking, and we also introduced you as a national treasure, and we were wondering, that has been, you know, assigned to your name for some time now.

8:40Who assigns it now? Is it you? Me. Yeah. Once I say it. Thank you. You're welcome. Now I've said it on a podcast. Angela's a national treasure. Yeah, Angie's a national treasure. I don't think we are. No, I think you are. I don't think we are. I think you are. Why don't you think you are? I'm not saying you won't be, but... No, I don't... People love you. You say your name, people go... Yeah, I think you definitely are. Oh, it's so meaty. Oh, it's so meaty. Just one slice. Oh, it's enough. It's enough. It's enough. Why do you think you're not national treasure? I nearly said National Express. Why do you think...

9:19Why aren't you a coach? Oh, they're some of my favourite memories of getting National Express coaches all around. Eight hours down to Brighton. I remember getting one from Oldham to Glastonbury and it was really fun on the way and then really not fun on the way home. Yeah, really not fun. But on the way there, it was quite jovial. Way back, good more. I liked it in the 80s. They tried to go a bit fancy and I was always going from the North East. so they started having hostesses I love the Geordie accent and they always try to be a bit posh if they've got one of those so they go hello welcome to the National Express to London, Victoria now we've got sachets of coffee sachets tea bags and hot water I was like oh wow I've arrived I used to have fun memories of the National Express Now, if you want to call me a National Express...

10:17You are. You are a National Express. And you are a National Treasure, yeah. You're both. You are loved is the point. Are you a National Lottery? I'm a National Lottery. You're a National Lottery, yeah. It could be you. Is that what they say? Yeah, it could be you. Do you remember Mystic Meg? Do I know her? She knows me, unfortunately. Can't avoid her. Do you remember her? I remember Mystic Meg. I think she gets mentioned quite a lot in this room. By you, I think. I think as a gay child, I really was attracted to her. No, no, I thought she was very glamorous and mysterious with a bit of an edge.

10:56Wanted to be part of her world. Yeah, big time. Did she try and be mystic, mate, and get in your room or something? No, but I just was like, I like her. She's a bit of a dark weirdo. Did you have a post-drapper on the wall? No, I didn't. I didn't. I did have one of Heather Small. for own people in a trouser suit yeah it was that hairstyle wasn't it I loved it I loved it hey oh brilliant well that's everything coming I think so yeah we're done um we want to talk about this because we we get an email in from our guests and we say what do you want and you wrote in capital letters I would love Angela to cut me a ketchery I did yeah full stop and has it happened?

11:39yes oh wow it's happened it's just one of those nostalgia things my mum was a cook and she could do the most amazing kedgerie and ever since she passed I've never had a kedgerie that lived up to it and I just wonder if it exists oh god now you put the pressure on me now I didn't know that if I'd known that I would have said no to that thanks Bob you never told me that nostalgia Nostalgia raises the stakes. Yeah, I mean, that's like another 20 points on that easily, you know. Oh, shit. I was saying to Andrew, I was like, I don't think I've ever had Kedgeri. That's beautiful. Because it's a traditionally breakfast, isn't it?

12:18Yeah, you'd get it at breakfast, but now it's like a brunchy thing, the Ivy do it and stuff. But yeah, it's one of those old-fashioned dishes, St John did it. But people don't make it a lot, but when it's made, it is absolutely fantastic. Yeah, it's one of those things that gets better after a while as well. Yeah. Do you put egg in it? I've put egg in it. We've changed the haddock to monkfish, though. Oh. So, all right, yeah, you see. I knew as soon as he's mentioned his mum and then I thought monkfish, your mum's going to be like, she don't know what she's doing now, what is she? What's she on about?

12:46Why have you swapped it for that? Oh, just don't start. I saw that you had an air fryer through there. Do you cook on an air fryer? Not me, no. No, do you? Yeah. Okay, you like it? I've got a turbo twin. Turbo twin. You use it for everything? Everything, nearly. Anyone who's got an air fryer becomes addicted, I think. They just love it. Chicken, 35 minutes. Wow. That's not bad. Yeah, whole chicken. I brought it up because I take a power bank, you know, a little power bank to the riverside and then I can use the air fryer and that's really opened out my cooking opportunities. Yeah, because quick.

13:22So you don't light a little fire or anything? Well, a lot of places won't let you because I burnt my house down when I was a kid so I've got a bit of a reputation. On purpose? No, not... Accidental. Accidental, yeah. No, I was only seven. I didn't say I'm going to burn my house down. Right.

13:41Sparklers into firework box. Fireworks went off. Ran through to kitchen, like a hero, with the box. And they all went off in the kitchen. Oh, my God. Spent about half an hour with Flash and Ajax and that, trying to clean up all the burns. Went back to the living room. It all ablaze. ran next door to the old lady who lived next door and said, my house is on fire. And she said, yeah, we thought it was. No. God, you're amazed that nothing happened to you. You're lucky. And in a funny way, I was lucky. If I'd just burnt the kitchen floor and everything, I'd have been in such big trouble. Because I burnt the house down.

14:21What can you say? I really couldn't. Made one little mark. It's gone from being like, you've ruined the kitchen floor to like, there's been a disaster. Are you all right? Yeah. I burned down our, we had like a wooden old conservatory. Conservatory is the wrong word because that makes it feel a bit, it was like a wooden. Lean to? Lean to, yeah. Yeah, like a wooden extension with a plastic roof. Like the plastic that went like that. Yeah. Like that. We had one of them and we had like wicker sofas in it and a little wicker table. Yeah. And I lit a candle. I was obsessed with candlelight as a child and I was young.

14:56And then I lit a candle and then went in another room and it burnt down the candle and burnt a wreath and then set the whole wicker table on fire. And our neighbours, my mum and dad were both ill in bed and I was watching telly in the lounge and they knocked on the door and they said, your house is on fire! And I was like, oh. And then I could smell smoke, but the film I was watching had smoke in it. And I'm not joking, I swear. And I remember being like, oh, I thought it was like... Sensual experience. Yeah, my mum and dad were mad and it melted in the roof and everything. Oh, God. Disaster. Well, I wish I'd lived next to your neighbour.

15:30She's a lot more proactive than your neighbour. Shout out to Nadia from next door. Well done, Nadia. Thank you so much. Well, should we do your food likes and dislikes, as we always like to do? We're going to start with your dislikes. There's only two, truffle and pizza. Yeah, that's all I could think of. Yeah? Just try and be honest. As one commodity or two separate things? Two separate, they're the two things I'm not keen on. Truffle I get, because I actually had truffle the other day and I messaged, oh no, I saw you in real life and I said, I was in Italy and they were saying it's truffle season, truffle season.

16:03Everyone kept saying it was truffle season. So I had some eggs with truffle on it and I said to Angela, it tasted of eggs. And she said, yeah, no, they have no taste. I was like, 80 quid, the eggs, to have truffle on the eggs. I said, but they don't taste of anything. She said, yeah. It's the aroma of them. You just smell them. Yeah. It's that whole aroma thing, lifting it off and when it smells amazing. I get the same thing with a pork pie. Yeah, there you go. We all get it, you see. But why pizza? I get the truffle. Lots of people don't like it. I mean, I don't, I just would never choose to have a pizza.

16:36Right, okay, fair enough, yeah. I don't think the bread's got much taste. Yeah. I'd rather have thin tomatoes and sardines on toast, maybe. Nice, yeah. They have a good option. I don't dislike pizza, but I would never bother having a pizza. Not if you could have a pork pie. You know when you grub around in your freezer to see if there's anything? I would go fish fingers before pizza. Right. I'd even go frozen peas before a pizza. Love a frozen pea. It's nice, isn't it? With some mash or something. Yeah, perfect. A pizza at home, though. No, it's never the same. Would you ever make a pizza at home?

17:07I'd make it when we're on holiday, if you've got like you've written some oven or something. But no, I think pizza, like fish and chips, are best eaten there. Straight from the fryer, onto the plate, you eat them. Yeah. It's getting really hard to get decent fish and chips. Yeah, it's true. It's really tricky. I imagine it's the price of the cod or something. but you tend to just get the little tail end. Yeah, my mum loves a tail end though. She always asks for a tail end. Anyway, well, she's on next week so we can talk to her about that next week. Your likes were highly anticipated. We were really looking forward to this.

17:40It's essentially a really good buffet spread. Pork pie, as it is called. Corned beef hash, halibut, mashed potatoes, fish and chips, sponge pudding, rum barber, cheese and onion ringos, which we have for you, which they don't actually sell in Waitrose. Oh, do you? So we had to ruin our relationship with that great supermarket for you. Foam shrimps and bananas. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good list. It's not bad, is it? A fantastic list, yeah. Now, one dish that didn't come up, but you have mentioned it previously when we did our research, is bird's eye boil-in-the-bag beef. Yeah. No, that's my favourite meal ever, with powdered potato and tinned peas.

18:21I just loved that, but sadly, they don't do it anymore. Boil in the bag used to be, that would be what you'd have for your tea every night. Yeah, I like the boil in the bag cod. With parsley sauce. I love a parsley sauce. And you'd risk your life, wouldn't you, getting it out? Yeah, exactly. It was too high risk. It was so like... And like, quite risky in the kitchen. You'd have boil in a bag and maybe a chip pan. Yeah. Very risky. Very risky. Fireworks. Chip pan fires have gone right out of fashion. Really? Since these air fryers have come in, you see, They've ruined a business there. They're the two things.

18:55We don't gather around the piano anymore and sing. And we don't have chip pan fires. We don't. And you'd put a wet tea towel on it. No one's wet a tea towel since 1991.

19:09We know from your memoir that food is the heart of living your best life. And there was a few rules to live by. And here's a few things that I wanted to get Angela's seal of approval on. So these are all things from Bob's memoir. Yeah. See what you think about these. Always have a hot dog on every visit to the cinema. Yes. Is it? Yeah. I love a hot dog cinema. Great, isn't it? I really do. Okay. I think I prefer a hot dog to a burger, if I'm honest. I agree. Yeah, I agree. I'm with you there, Bob, you see. Always say thank you at a drive-thru ordering machine. Very true. True. You've got to thank the box.

19:45Yeah. You've got to thank it, yeah. Eat a pie as often as you can. Tired of pie, tired of life. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. There's some truth in that, yeah. I think there's true. It's a celebration of life. If you've become dreary, then the pie's a challenge. A pie. Aside from the pork pie, is there a pie that you cite as your greatest pie? Maybe a particular one made by a person? Upec pies in Middlesbrough is a great pie. Okay. I used to like the pie they used to do at school dinners, the steak and kidney pie, but there you go. No puff pastry. No. No thank you. Okay, we want to get into some big food questions whilst Angela is in the kitchen.

20:20You have said previously, I can't remember ever cooking food to impress a woman. Yeah, I think that's true. That's true. Do you like to cook? No. My wife's a great cook, so I think she enjoys it. So that's fine by me. Yeah, don't ask. Do you enjoy this cooking? Don't ask. No, for 30 years. I don't mind, because as I say, my mum was cook. So when I was a little boy, she taught me to cook. I was a little helper, you know, topping and tailing Brussels sprouts and gooseberries and things. So, yeah, I'm okay. I'm good at cooking the meats. Yes. And my mum always said the test of a chef is their egg work.

21:03Oh. That's what she always said. That's true. So I'm quite good at eggs. She's taught I can do good scrambled eggs and omelettes and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But good scrambled eggs or good omelette, that is fantastic. No offence to the best chefs in the world, but good omelette or good scrambled eggs. Love it. Fantastic. Yeah. You once said a very long time ago about dinner parties that you'd only been to one in your life. Yeah. Is that still the case? That's still the case, yeah. Sounds like torture to me. I think it's because I was brought up in pubs and that atmosphere and I'm comfortable then and you can have a chat.

21:37I hate that sort of formal fear. Right. I mean, it's for different folks, isn't it? It's not for me. What about a group of people in the summer having a barbecue? Would you go to that? So this is outdoor? Yeah. Is it at someone's house? Yeah. Do I have to walk through the house? You do, yeah. No side access. It's terraced. There's no escape from the back end. I'm afraid not. To a back alley or something. No, I would decline. But if it's family or whatever, yeah. Then fine, yeah. Yeah. So what do you do if you do get... Because you must get invited out to dinner. No, no one... The few people that I know don't invite me to anything.

22:17And don't take any offence. Thank you. So you just don't like going out to things at all? I'll occasionally go out to a restaurant. Three times a year, I'll probably go out. And what days are they? You know, wedding anniversary. And a dull day in February. Yes. Something like that. That's quite nice, yeah. And then, yeah, maybe it's only two. Yeah, just two. Maybe it's only two. That's enough. Yeah. Food is here, Ange. Food is here. Wow. Oh, my God, it smells fantastic, Ange. So it's a Kedri-style monkfish rice recipe by Malika Asu. So you've done it with monkfish? Done it with monkfish because it's a really meaty fish and I think monkfish can really take all that spice and those curry flavours.

23:01And it's traditionally what's... Haddock, smoked haddock. You'd use a smoked fish, especially when it came over in the Victorian times, that's where a lot of the fish was all smoked because it was a way of preserving all the fish. So we've just sort of fancied up a little bit with monkfish. Do you like it with the monkfish, Bob? It's beautiful. It's really beautiful. Good. So run us through this recipe. You poach the fish in milk, right? So you cook your rice, rinse your rice off, then cook your rice for about 20 minutes. So the rice we use, you normally use a white rice, but we've used a mixed rice and a brown basmati rice with some wild rice.

23:36Poach your monkfish in the milk, okay? Why do you do that? Because that's how you sort of cook it because it just, and then you use that milk to reheat everything up, you see. Have your boiled eggs separately. We've cooked them for about six minutes and your peas separately. And then while your monkfish is poaching and your rice is cooking, you chop an onion, finely diced, some garlic, and you saute that down or cook that down so it's nice and soft in a pan with butter. And then you bring it all together. So add the milk that you cooked the monkfish in to heat everything together, bring it all up, rice in the pan, and then you add your turmeric and your French-style curry powder.