❤️How I Met My Wife❤️ Regret is Worse Than Failure!⏳ Jay’s SCOOP | Ep. 419

0:00Welcome to Do This Not That, the podcast for marketers. We share quick tips, things you can do right now, and then we add a little bit of chaos at the end of every episode. We also keep it short, like this intro. Let's check it out. We are back for Do This, Not That podcast presented by Marigold. And normally I come on here and I say, hey, stick this in your subject line or do this on a social media post and you'll see all this amazing stuff happen. But I wanted to share something that really has stuck with me, and it's this concept of regret is worse than failure. I've been writing this book, which has made me think about all these big life lessons I've learned, and I feel total imposter syndrome.

0:41I feel like a clown doing it, but it's really got me thinking in all sorts of different directions about moments in my life that have really been a big deal for me. And probably the biggest moment in my life that happened was how I met my wife and then also how that translated to impacting how I think about work and business and everything else. and hopefully, you know, after you hear this nonsense, you'll be like, you know what? Regret is worse than failure and you can incorporate that into everything that you were thinking about. Maybe you do that already, but I'm so intentional about it now because it really has transformed things.

1:14So what does that even mean? What am I talking about? So here's the story you didn't ask for. Here's how I wound up meeting my wife. So I've been married to Allie for 22 years. She's the most incredible human being on earth, a billion times smarter than me. She's a dermatologist. She's the most amazing human. We have two great kids. One's a freshman in college, one's a senior in high school, greatest human beings alive. But it all almost didn't happen. So here's exactly how it went down. So we both went, me and Allie both went to University University of Florida. And I was a year ahead of her.

1:49So she was a freshman. I was a sophomore. And we met when she was a freshman. And I just thought she was like the most beautiful, amazing human being. And we hit it off right out of the gate. But we hit it off right out of the gate. Neither one of us wanted to have a serious thing in college. We were like, it's college. Went to the University of Florida. Let's go and enjoy life. And we would hang out in college here and there. And we were always in each other's circles and stuff, but we were both pretty much fixed on not wanting a serious thing in college. Uh, but she was like front and center of my brain always.

2:23Okay. So fast forward, we graduate and we kind of lose touch and a couple of years pass by. It's like two or three years pass by, but the whole time we lost touch, I, and I'm not just saying this now that I'm married, it's true. I thought about her all the time. Uh, I would think, I wonder what she's doing, what's going on. And, you know, back then it wasn't as simple as you go on Instagram and you see what they're up to. You know, you would hear little stories here and there, but you wouldn't really have a clue. And we weren't really in touch. And then, but I would always think about her. So we live in South Florida.

2:56I knew she still lived in South Florida. And one night I was out in Miami and I was out with a bunch of my buddies and I was sitting outside at this kind of like restaurant bar area thing whatever and then on the opposite side of the street she couldn't see me I saw Allie holding hands with this guy and looking really happy and walking along and I had heard before I saw them that she uh was in a relationship and that bummed me out when I heard that and then I saw them and she looked really happy and they were walking along, holding hands, whatever. And she never saw me. She didn't even know that I had taught her until years later.

3:40And in that moment, I was so upset with myself. Massive regret had set in. I said to myself, holy, oh my goodness, I let it slip by. I let the person that was my person slip by and I'm screwed because now she's happy. And we're at that age where you're like, I don't know, 25-ish or whatever. And you're like, that's it. She's going to marry that dude. And that's going to be that. And I let the opportunity pass me by years ago in college, then after college. Listen, I know there's no Instagram where I could just DM her or whatever, but if I had made some effort, I could have found her. I just was terrible.

4:23I sucked and I didn't do anything. and the level of regret that set in with me was astronomical. I was beside myself. I was just so upset after that night. Nobody else would realize. My friends didn't know what was going on. They didn't know why I was upset. She never knew what was going on. She didn't even see me and she was with that guy. She didn't care. Okay, fine. Fast forward, I don't know, a couple months later, uh i'm out at this uh bar in fort lauderdale and who do i see uh up at the bar the bar is packed but who do i see i see ali's there and she's not i'd heard that she had then um i didn't know if she was still with that guy was going on i heard there was like i had heard different things but she was at the bar and she was talking with this other guy.

5:14And I was like, Oh, and I said to myself, okay, I don't care. I don't care what's going on. I'm going up. I'm talking to her. I am not letting this opportunity pass by me. I need to tell her how I feel. So I waited, waited, waited, because I don't want to be a jerk. And the guy went to, I guess he went to the bathroom and he walked away. And the second he walked away, I walked over her and I said, Hey, and she's like, Whoa, Jay, what's going on? I said, listen, I go, I know this is out of left field. I said, but I really, really regret us not spending time together, getting to know each other after college.

5:53I would love to get your phone number. I want to take you out for dinner. Will you give me your number? And she looked at me and she goes, I'm on a date. Uh, I broke up with this other guy And now it's like my first date since whatever. I'm on a date with this guy. He's in the bathroom. I said, okay, great. I go, I'm not moving. I'm not leaving this spot until you give me your number. Please give me your number. And honestly, I, if I was her, I would have thought I was a weirdo because I definitely came off a little bit over the top. She, I don't know. She goes, Oh, she's like, she could tell though, in my eyes that I was not kidding.

6:30And so she grabbed a pen from the bartender. She wrote down her number and she shoved it in my hand. And then she said, now get out of here. And I did because I was like, that's it. I just wanted her number. Fine. I left. Now that night I got home and I'm like, I wonder if she even gave me her real number. Cause I wouldn't have given me my real number because, uh, I came off really weird. Um, so, but in everyone's like, you gotta wait, you can't call her. You wait a few days. I said, screw that. The next morning, I remember the very next morning, it was early. I just didn't care. I'm like, this is it.

7:00No more regret. I'm all over this. And I called her up and first the phone rang. I'm like, oh my God, the phone's ringing. I was so happy because I thought it was a fake number. And then she picked up and it was her. And I was like, oh my God, she gave me a real number. And that was it. We went out. We have been together ever since. And what that did for me was made me always realize is that regret was so much worse than failure. In every business opportunity, you don't ever wanna have that feeling where you're somewhere and you say to yourself, oh, I should have introduced myself to so-and-so or that was my chance to do that.

7:45You don't need to be brave your entire life. You don't need to have courage to do stuff at every moment. You need to be brave for like 10 seconds. In that moment, you say, I could do this for 10 seconds, whatever it is, go up to that person, ask the difficult question, do the thing that's uncomfortable. Because when you do the thing that's uncomfortable, one of two things will happen in your life, in your career, in your business, in whatever. Either it's going to work out and you're going to get the opportunity. You're going to meet the person. Things are going to head in the right direction.

8:17Or it's going to be an epic fail. The person's going to blow you off. The opportunity is not going to come your way. You're going to get rejected. But you know what? You're not going to sit there in the land of what ifs for the rest of your life, which is a horrible place to exist. What if I had asked that person the thing? What if I had reached out to that person? What if I had tried? What if I had asked Allie out on a date and she said, yes, what if? That is torture. It is a torture chamber to live in the land of what ifs. So I know this episode was random. I get it. And I'll probably get the most worst reviews I've ever gotten on an episode because, hey, where are the tips?

8:59I want to know what to put in my subject line. I get that. But this whole podcast thing, creating content, it's a journey. And you were on one too when you're creating content. You're trying to figure out what is it that's meaningful to put out into the universe. and this was meaningful to me. And so this idea of regret being worse than failure, I hope that somewhere in your brain, it sticks in there and you're probably already doing it. You probably could have taught me this lesson much earlier on in my life, but you all are awesome. Thanks for checking this out. And then back to horrible reality TV and all the other garbage next week and check you later.

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