SPECIAL GUEST!! Chasing MONEY is Ruining Your Life w/Patrice Washington from the REDEFINING WEALTH Podcast 💀| Ep. 477

0:01Welcome to Do This Not That, the podcast for marketers. We share quick tips, things you can do right now, and then we add a little bit of chaos at the end of every episode. We also keep it short, like this intro. Let's check it out. We are back for Do This Not That, and we have a guest that I've been trying to get on the show for a very long time because I'm a huge, huge fan of hers. So Patrice Washington is here. Now, Patrice is a big deal. Her podcast has over 20 million downloads, redefining wealth, and that's what she's all about. Her story is wild. She built this seven-figure real estate business from scratch in her 20s and it went kaplooey.

0:44It went totally in the toilet, right? But coming out of that, was she just, oh no, and that was it. That was the end of her. No, zero. She realized that wealth was not just tied to money. And she went on to author five books, a bestseller. She's one of the most influential leaders now in personal development. She's done it for herself. She's done it for zillions of other people. I cannot wait to dig into it all. Patrice, welcome to the show. Thanks for having me, Jay. I'm excited to be here. Thank you. Well, thank you for doing this. And for a lot of the listeners out there, yeah, we usually talk about, oh, shove this in your subject line to get a higher email open rate or this marketing tactic.

1:19But for a lot of us out there, we're also chasing the dollar, right? We want to get a raise. We want our business to grow. We want to make more money. We need more money. It's about how much money, all the things. and for me the same is has been the case for me where i have defined wealth the wrong way in my brain and the reason i wanted you to come on is to talk about your experience with wealth and maybe how we're thinking about it wrong i just really believe that most of us were not taught that wealth was so much deeper than money and material possessions the actual 12th century definition of wealth, Jay, the original definition, when the word was introduced, it meant the condition of well-being and happiness.

2:02And I think that well-meaning parents and grandparents and high school counselors kind of just put us on this path that if we just find a job or they weren't really even saying start a business back in the day. They were just saying, get good grades, go to college, find a job, and everything will be fine. But nobody taught us that if we just followed that recipe, we wouldn't necessarily have fulfillment. And what I know after going back in before, but really after getting an MBA in behavioral finance and financial psychology, is that many of us will go and get the job, start the business, make the money and still not feel fulfilled.

2:38We will still feel miserable. We'll still feel irritated and frustrated. And we don't know why. And the truth is chasing money is just not enough. It's not, there's nothing wrong with pursuing money, but many of us get frustrated by how we feel in the process. And that's what we have to address. Okay. I want to get very real for a second. I'm going to expose myself here for a second. So recently in my business, I had this big deal that happened. And I remember the night before the deal, my wife said to me, okay, if that deal goes through, are you going to be like just super chill and more relaxed and just calm?

3:15I go, I actually think I will be. I think that's what's going to happen. So then the deal goes through and I'm 10 times worse than I've ever been. I'm the least relaxed version of myself. So what, tell me, what am I doing wrong? What is, what is, what are the six pillars of wealth? Why am I so messed up? Well, you're not messed up at all, but I will say, you know, for many of us, who we are with a hundred dollars is who we are with a thousand is who we are with 10 ,000. It's who we are with a million. And there's a lot of muscle that we need to build in order to hold the different things that we say we're praying for that we're asking for.

3:54We're saying that we want more and more, but it's just like we see with lottery winners all the time, Jay, or people who have these windfalls. You're like, how did they screw that up? Because nothing about them changed. And the truth is what I teach at the Six Pillars with the Six Pillars of Wealth is that other parts of your life are always impacting how you show up with your finances, even when you're not thinking about it. Okay, so what do I do? It is always subconsciously running the show. If everybody's out there like, all right, buying in, I'm now, what am I gonna do? I'm gonna go and find a mountain to climb and sit on a penny.

4:26What do I do? No, you're not gonna find a mountain to climb and sit on a penny. But I do think, let's go through the pillars really quickly. So the first pillar is fit. It's about becoming your best self. This is not about weight or a dress size or a shirt size. This is about who are you mentally and physically? Because you have to have a vision, right? for that's what your wife basically asked you. What's your vision? Once this deal closes, what does this look like for you? Many of us are saying that we're praying for certain things that we really don't have the capacity to sustain in our bodies.

5:00For many of us, if we think about how we grew up, our financial blueprints, what we heard, what we saw, what we experienced, it doesn't even feel safe in our bodies or in our brains to hold more money than maybe our parents ever made in a lifetime. It doesn't feel right in our bodies. And so you have to start addressing mentally and physically, do you feel safe yet in your body? The thing is, if you have a vision for your life, it's your duty and responsibility to protect the vessel. Being mentally fit is a part of that. This is why financial psychology exists. So I would say, if you feel tense with holding larger amounts of money or anything around money makes you anxious, It's not enough to even just go to a regular therapist anymore.

5:45You might want to look for a financial therapist who can help you work through what that is doing in your body, in your nervous system. Also, many of us are just not physically fit to go the distance to get the thing that we say we want to get. So we start with the fit pillar because we talk about health as well. But then most of us blow it in the pursuit of chasing money. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to just live my life chasing money to then pay for prescriptions I can't pronounce. That's not the goal. I want to be able to hold it. So that's number one. Number two is people. People pillar is about creating relationships that matter both personally and professionally.

6:23What happens to many of the women that I coach, Jay, is that they get so caught up in pursuing the career and the business success and saying that they're doing it for their families. I'm doing it for my children. I'm doing it for this reason. And many of our families feel like we are just not even locked in with them because we're so committed to chasing the business. It's another reason that we end up blowing money because we try to buy people. We try to buy our loved ones. If I throw money at it, everything will be fine. If I look like a great giver, everything will be fine. But what people really want is your presence.

7:00Your presence is the gift. And when you're not there and you're not locked in with the relationships in your life, that guilt starts to make you overspend or just make really poor decisions with your finances. Can I ask you a random question related to the people one? Again, I'm exposing myself, but I don't care. I feel like I'm in a therapy session. So I do not, I seem like a social person, but I'm not. I do not like going out with other people. I don't like sitting there at these long, boring dinners. it's like torture to me but everybody says no you need to go out and hang out with friends and and be social i'm like but i hate it with a passion do i need to do that in my life in order to have this people one checked off or am i a weirdo no we're actually twins oh yeah we're twins i actually appear way more extroverted than i am in my real life and i think you know Personally, and I would say more professionally and purposefully, what I do in the world requires me to show up as such.

8:03But I'm really quiet and by myself 90 % of the time. People don't believe that, but it's true. And here's the thing. When I do show up, I am so present with the people that I have shown up for. I can do without my phone. I don't have to keep checking anything. I think it's really about who you are when you're with the people you give access to. I genuinely think that's what it is. And also because I don't allow a lot of people in my personal space to drain me when I really commit, even professionally, I believe that I show up in a way that makes people drawn to me. That's how I get opportunities.

8:44That's how I get invited to podcasts. It's like, who are you being? The quote that we always say at Redefining Wealth is there's always someone watching you who has the power to bless you, but who are they watching you be? And I think by protecting and preserving your relationships and the energy that you give people and having what we call not boundaries, but governing decisions, it allows you to show up as your best self and attract the most aligned relationships. I'm not here for quantity. I'm only here for quality. I love that. Okay, I'm in. forget the quantity don't invite me to anything i want to go to floor three pillar three is space it's about setting up your life to support you and one of the big things we say here jay is like listen clutter is the physical manifestation of chaos in your mind and many americans just when i was in florida the other day um i was surprised at the number of storage facilities within like a one mile radius.

9:44I mean, and they were sky high. And I mean, on every other block. And just think about that all across the US, because people are so committed to holding on to things that they have not used for years. They haven't thought about it. They haven't looked up, but they are paying for it every single month. Yes. We have garages, but cars are parked in the driveway and people have garages full of stuff that they can't get through. It is mind blowing, but the reality is we spend so much money as a country on trying to keep up with things that do not serve us. Many of the women that I serve who have had a lot of challenges with their finances, we end up figuring out they just have a lot of hidden clutter, things that may look pretty, but they've been carrying it from one season to the next.

10:37I had a client recently who said, I feel like I'm just stuck in business. I feel like things are not moving forward. So whenever I get that response from someone, I always say, let's take a look at what physically represents this challenge in your life. So we look at her office. This woman has been an entrepreneur for like eight years, but she's still carrying performance reviews from supervisors 10 years ago who ticked her off and made her feel bad. She's carrying things from jobs from years ago. I'm like, do you realize how much of your creativity and energy is getting stuck in all this old stuff?

11:13Why are you holding onto this? It's so true. Well, because I need to prove, well, I don't know, that was the boss who told me this or told me that. So you're living from this place now in a completely different season where you're still trying to prove something to someone that you haven't connected with or been around in a decade instead of being more present with the people you're trying to call in in your business so she cleared the whole office and it just felt like a weight lifted oh my god i feel that because i cleaned out my closet and it helped me i mean any any clutter is bad any clutter any clutter it really is it is a trap and money is is currency It's supposed to flow.

11:54You want to have a space that flows. Now I'm no feng shui master at all, but it's not even about that. It's not about having a Pinterest worthy space. It's about literally setting up your life to support you. The average American spends two and a half days per year looking for things they already own, but can never find. Oh my goodness. That's me. Two and a half full days per year, walking around in circles, Jay, looking for things. All right. I'm not doing that anymore. All right. Hit me. What's number four? Number four is the faith pillar. It's about believing in something greater. And I always say, Jay, I don't care what people say they believe in.

12:29I'm not here to police your faith. I am here to remind you that this journey requires resilience. And you and I both know this, that there have been so many things on our journeys that would have completely taken us out if we were not grounded in something that just felt bigger, like a bigger purpose, a bigger why. So with the faith pillar, I always say it is just to be reminded of what Tony Robbins says. Nothing is happening to you. It's happening for you. So always looking for, well, what is the lesson? What is the blessing? I always tell my clients, I take no L's, no losses. I just live life.

13:03I get the lesson. I try to apply to the next thing, similar to what you said. I lost a seven figure business business in my 20s, built it as a senior in college is when I started, built it up to seven figures at 25. Everything crashed when I was 28, 29 years old, had to start over from scratch and built another multiple seven figure business. And it's not because it was easy, not because, oh, I'm so lucky, but I genuinely believe that all things are coming together for my good. And so I believe that if you don't have some type of practice, you don't make time for some type of practice, you don't want to wait until you are in complete chaos and breakdown to figure out what you believe.

13:46Because I believe that way when something happens, that's what I turn to. I'm in. I'm down with that. All right. What do we got next? Work is all about living your life's purpose. Back to what I said with the financial psychology stuff. Listen, when you hate what you do day in and day out, and some people, I will say, Jay, love what they do, but they're using the right gift in the wrong place. Sometimes you love what you do, but you don't love the organization you're in. You don't love the department you're in. It could be better channeled somewhere else. When you are really frustrated with what you do day in and day out or how you're doing it, this is why people emotionally spin.

14:30This is why people look for other outlets. This is how we start to try to find other ways to cope. And a lot of that takes money. And so we start to waste money in different areas when really the thing is, maybe I need to shift what I'm doing or where I'm doing it or rediscover why I said I was doing it in the first place. But living a purposeful life too, I would say, is not, oh, I wanna follow my passion. I genuinely believe a lot of people are very passionate about things they're not proficient in. Well, I want to ask that though, because I'll be very real. I am very passionate about my job.

15:07I don't love my job. Is that okay? So here's my distinction. Passion is the thing that gives you energy and excites you. And you could do it all day long and not even take a bathroom break, right? Like you get so into it. I'm very passionate about what I do. I'm very passionate about how I serve, the six pillars of wealth, everything that I do. The thing is, I had to become passionate about it, though, once I realized that passion is for me, purpose is how I serve others. So the thing is, you're really passionate about what you do, because you also know. I've read your reviews. I've seen what people say about you, all the things when you see how what you do in the world actually impacts others it becomes purposeful and what i want people to do is look for ways to use their gifts to be purposeful you may not be able to do it in your full-time job it may not be a nine-to-five thing but even if you can find a way to use your gifts to add purpose to the world like to to add um something to others something of value it could be in volunteering it could be in a hobby it could be in a part-time thing but that has to be a part of the equation or you will burn out yeah i feel that um i gotta i gotta do something about that i'm gonna work on that um all right the last one before we run out of time here what do we got money money is the final one and it's so funny people are like okay the money lady i was known as you know america's money maven for a decade in media and um people like shouldn't you start with money no i believe money is the byproduct of clearing clutter and getting aligned in everything else we've just talked about.

16:43All of the advice is so vanilla, it's the same. It's very boring. Your grandma told you, don't put all your eggs in one basket. You know, spend less than you make, save 10%, invest some. All of that works, but it doesn't work when you are so cluttered and confused because of all the other pillars. When you don't have good relationships, you cannot take good advice. Your vision will expand or contract based on the people you allow around you. So if that people pillar is jacked up, is going to impact the money advice that most of us found our financial advisors and investment for it. We found those because of people.

17:19And so all of the pillars have an impact on your money. And so as you start to clear clutter in each one of those, lots of things open up for you and you can finally take the advice that you've heard for 10, 20, 30, 40 years. So let me ask you a real question about you. You seem like a very positive person. You got all this energy, great vibes, always anytime i've been around you do you ever have you know a down day do you ever wake up and not not feel you know like patrice and like you got to motivate yourself and stuff or you roses every day yeah i i'm roses probably 80 of the time um but you know last year as an example jay i i experienced a lot of grief my daughter was turning 18 you know and going off um i sold a property and kind of moved to another area where I felt out of place for a little bit.

18:09I ended a romantic relationship. One of my best friends passed away from cancer at just 45. Last year was difficult, right? But what I always say is the pillars give me a process for how I can process life. That's what it does for me. So when I wake up not feeling that way, one thing that I know, because I know myself at this point, because of these practices, I look at the fit pillar, let me go move my body. Maybe I don't feel like working out in the same way, but maybe I'll take a Pilates class. I know the things that get my energy back flowing. And I just, I go through the process. So the pillars are a way to process life.

18:51Every day is not roses. Sometimes I'm a 10 and sometimes I crawl across the finish line at the end of the day is a 0.5. But the thing for me is as long as I keep moving forward, I have a client, Rochelle, that says a step forward is still territory acquired. And so even if it's a step, I know what to do because I've learned myself. And so I call going through the pillars in this process, authentic alignment. And when you feel really aligned and you know exactly who you are and you're not really worried about what other people think, what they say, how they perceive you, I think that we can weather those those times i love it i love everything about it all right everybody can go to patrice washington.com to find everything out about patrice and her redefining wealth podcast we're going to put all the show notes patrice how else do people get involved in your world instagram what do we do well i do have an app so the redefining wealth app is available to you for free on ios or android devices i go live there every sunday at 3 p.m eastern and also i have a cheat sheet.

19:53So if I went through the pillars too quickly, or you want to know more deeply how each pillar actually impacts your career, your finances, your vision, you can go to patricewashington.com slash the number six pillars. I'm telling everybody, Patrice is just, what you hear here is how she is. She's just a fantastic human being. I appreciate you for doing this. And, uh, and thanks. Thanks for having me, Jay. Wait, the party is not over. Go to jayschwedelson.com because I want to do stuff with you. I want to partner with you. When you click on the button partner with Jay, you let me know what you got going on.

20:29Work with my agency. Work with me directly. Get access to all of my free resources at jayschwedelson.com. And I got a book coming out this April. It's called Stupider People Have Done It. And all of the net proceeds are going to the V Foundation for Cancer Research. Go on Amazon. Buy Stupider People Have Done It. that way you can help kick cancer's butt with me. And if this podcast wasn't the worst podcast you've ever listened to, it might've been, leave it a review, follow the show. You are awesome. Go out there and crush it.