Bela Fernandez | Extraordinary Life Stories

0:07Bella, thank you for joining me. Thank you so much for having me. This is actually so amazing to be here. It's cool. I'm looking forward to this. Thank you. Tell me, who is Bella Fernandez? That's a very loaded question. It's a hard one to explain because I feel like I'm a bit of everything because obviously born in Brazil, came to the UK, been to many different high schools, wanted to do many different things. So I feel like I'm just a combination of a bunch of different segments of life experiences that I can't really give a word to. It's just a bit of a mix of everything. Interesting. Yeah.

0:39I mean, it's not been boring, right? There's so much there. No, there's quite a lot there. Take me back to a young Bella and kind of the journey from coming to the UK, if you like. Well, obviously, I was born in Brazil, in Rio, actually. And then I came to the UK, I think I was maybe three, four, five, around that age. Do you remember it? Do you remember pre-coming? The only thing I remember was my first English word, which we were on the flight and my mum said to ask the lady for pasta. So I was like, can I have a pasta? and that was the first English I ever spoke and I think I was like four years old so that's like the first memory I have but I can't really remember like early early stages I just know I went to primary school down in Devon and then we moved kind of all over the country like Devon, Manchester, Liverpool, just a bit of everywhere.

1:24And why was that? Why were you moving? I'm not too sure I think initially we moved to Devon but then my mum actually her uncle lived in Manchester so we wanted to be close to family and I also moved around high school a lot because I just was very heavily bullied in a lot of high schools just because I was not English which wasn't very nice that's really sad yeah so just purely because of your accent and probably not knowing much English well at the time yeah because obviously I was had a really strong accent I was just a little tiny kid obviously it's gone now because I've lived here my whole life pretty much but But yeah, they're just all the preconceptions, I guess, about Brazil, which is like favelas, drug dealers, this, that, like all of these terrible things.

2:07And I would kind of be called like very nasty names in regards to it. Or they would like go to the teachers and tell them that I had drugs. I was like just a child. Of course, I didn't even know what it meant. But they like would constantly try and get me in trouble for telling the teachers that like, oh, she's trying to sell drugs to people. I'm like, this is crazy. That's proper cruel, actually. It must have been like 11. I didn't even know what a drug was, you know. How did you come out of that? I mean, when did that stop? I guess you learned the language pretty quick. You know, I know, and we're going to get to it, you're sort of very innovative, very entrepreneurial.

2:42So I would imagine that was stimulated quite early on by a need to actually build some resilience and learn fast. Definitely. I think I was, like, I spent a lot of my childhood isolated from kids. Like I never felt like I belonged or I was, you know, part of the community. Like I was always feeling as if like I was the odd one out and that no one really wanted me there. And I felt that I had sort of an obligation to like prove everybody wrong and make my life how I want it to be. And like not let all of the commentary and all of the nasty people at the time sort of influence where I went with life.

3:18because in my head I was thinking like if I am successful then maybe like none of that would matter anymore because people would like me so that was one of the reasons not the entire reason but one that's really interesting I want to know the journey from the girl that was being bullied and clearly not enjoying that to then effectively almost putting two fingers up to judgment and and going entrepreneurial which you you open yourself up by doing that right particularly from a social media point of view dare I say that a lot of what happened to you when you were younger actually built your strength up to not really care too much where social media is a is wild west right so you're going to have people being nice you're going to have people not being nice depending on what you know what you're doing am I right with that you know by the time you sort of ultimately made that decision to go on and you've always wanted to be successful there was a resilience that was built oh yeah absolutely I don't think I would even remotely close have the life today that I have if I if all of that thing those things didn't happen like if I wasn't bullied I wouldn't be as strong if I wasn't ridiculed I wouldn't you know try and be successful if if they didn't make fun of the fact that like I didn't have much money I wouldn't have much money now so I can't I'm thankful to them to be honest because I feel like it really wouldn't change it no absolutely not like it was wishing on anyone but wouldn't change it definitely would not wish it like if it was my daughter like I don't have a daughter but when I had have one it would really upset me because I know how terrible it is to go through it as a young kid like I pretty much just came home crying every day and didn't want to go to school.

4:49Were your parents aware? My mum was aware yeah but it speaking to the school just made it 10 times worse it was just a whole cycle one time they like cut half my hair it was just it was really bad. I'm not trying to take you back there too but I think I didn't actually know this about you I find that fascinating I wanted to know where that that desire I can see it in your eyes now The desire to be successful, the motivation to achieve, it clearly comes from being suppressed and dare I say, people that try to stop you doing that. So talk me through that. So you've come through school. What decision making did you make and what influences shaped your career, if you like?

5:29Well, I don't really come from a very wealthy background. Like my mum is absolutely fantastic. Like she, you know, was a single mother, tried her absolute best, would be working a million different jobs or like having a million different businesses that she was just trying to actually, you know, get to take off the ground. And she really, really, really struggled. Like I remember there not sometimes just not being food on the table or there was one time where all she could afford was a banana. And obviously she gave me the banana so I wouldn't starve as a kid. But I feel like that also really, really, really in my head was like, I cannot do the same.

6:05Like, I don't I love my mom to pieces and this is nothing against her at all. She did her absolute best. But I was like absolutely adamant that I did not want to live that life, that I wanted to be the person that changes things. And then also look after her as well, which I've now been able to do, which is very, very fulfilling. So, yeah, I feel like that also really shaped me and then put the bullying on top of that. And people would make fun of the fact that, like, for example, it was during the winter, actually, and it was a very snowy day. And all I had was one pair of shoes, like some boots from like Primark.

6:41And at this point, they had so many holes in them, like they were just so worn out and I couldn't afford a new pair of shoes. And when I went to school, it was like the joke of the school, the joke of the classroom, and people kept saying, oh my God, you can see her toes through the shoe. Take it off, take it off. And then they took the shoe off my foot and were just pointing at the hole in it. It was an entire situation. My not being very well off was very, very, very, very much emphasized even more in school. So I think the combination of all of it just got me so addicted to doing literally whatever it possibly would take to just get to where I am now.

7:21So what did you do? So from that girl with the kids sticking their fingers through to go, I'm not having this and I will never be in this position again. What steps did you take? Well, I actually, this is the first thing I ever did. So I've always tried, I've always sold things like even as like a young teenager and I used to love the Simpsons. So I used to like get a piece of paper and then sketch over Simpsons. I don't even know if this is like legal because it's like copyright maybe. I don't know. But I used to sketch over a magazine from The Simpsons and then make my own little Simpsons magazines and sell them to my classmates.

7:55Proper entrepreneur though, right? I don't even think I saw. I think I saw one and that was pretty much it, but I tried. And then also, like when I was a bit older, I would like try and sell like makeup and stuff or things like that, which was just a bit of a scam to be honest. You were trying. You were having early failures before actually you could argue it really mattered. Absolutely. And I also worked with my mum a lot as well, just helping her out as much as I can. But I think what really took off wasn't when I was actually trying to make money, which is kind of funny. Like it got to around end of high school, college time and I was extremely lonely.

8:33Like I didn't really have many friends. No one, you know, everyone would just make fun of me or ridicule me. So I started feeling like very isolated. So I started posting things online and I would see like maybe someone else that was also doing a bit of fitness maybe they were starting to maybe they felt isolated as well then I would start to speak to them like this little community of girls started building very very very slowly you know at first it was two three four five um and I it was like my only happiness in the day because I would get to chat to like my online friends this sounds really lonely but I was very lonely at the time um and I would chat to all my online friends and then I would keep posting more and more because it was the only time I actually felt like I had friends or people to talk to and just suddenly like that started growing and growing and growing and I had no clue that you could even make money off of it and then when I was still very very early days Gymshark noticed me and it was very early on like they just took me on and like kind of really helped me a lot at that stage pushed me loads and then I suddenly realize like, whoa, you can actually make money out of this.

9:43This is different. So that's kind of how it, how it began. I love that. Do you know what I love as well? Social media didn't get a bad rep. You were a lonely, isolated girl that had been through, you know, a load of crap to get to a point where you then were able to build a community that became your sort of tribe of like-minded people that you weren't necessarily having a conversation with in the flesh, but that's the power of social, social media, right? Yeah, absolutely. And look what you've gone and done sitting here now I don't know how many millions of followers you've got across all the platforms but it's millions yeah and you've built that without trying to make money you've built that because you were a girl that wanted to aspire to follow your passion and let's open that up fitness so you mentioned but you didn't say hey got into fitness I want to know where the love of fitness came from and was that some kind of escapism from the fact that you were right okay I wonder because I'm just trying to piece that together where you know you were on your own so there's things you can do to help yourself is that where fitness fitted in absolutely like I you know I was very alone like I mentioned like after school I didn't really have anywhere to go or things to do and I felt like you know going to the gym lifting weights or just running or literally doing anything at all exercise wise it was extremely helpful in getting my mind a bit clearer and in calming me down good for your mental fitness so the physical fitness is good for your mental fitness oh absolutely like it I feel like fitness is also one of the key things that really got me through that time because all of the anger and like frustration and sadness and everything like that I would just take out on the gym and I think it's such a positive outlet as well for those emotions because you know it's very easy to take those emotions and then start be doing things that aren't great or being a person that you don't necessarily want to be or like you know kind of scooping to those people's levels and like firing back and I felt like fitness was the one sort of escapism thing that I had which really released all of those like that just pent up frustration and like anger towards what everyone was doing to me and so yeah I really have fitness to thank for that actually.

11:44Yeah I can tell and there's so many things we can do to keep fit I know from seeing some of your socials that there's lots of things that you'll put out you mentioned the weights and so on but is there one thing you swear by because you are super fit so So someone, whether they want to stay fit or get fit, coming to you for advice, what's the one thing that you make sure you keep doing? Just absolutely weightlifting. I think it's just the best thing you could possibly do. Why is that? Because weightlifting, first of all, it's not something that's easy. It's something that you have to push yourself extremely hard to do.

12:18and also for the long term benefits like when I'm older like it helps you lift yourself off a chair or it helps you you know carry the groceries back into the house or it just helps you actually move around in your day-to-day life and also I feel like you can really go heavy and it can really sometimes hurt which sounds a little bit crazy but I think if you've got loads of pent up like frustration it's amazing like either that or like long distance running can also be really good as well but so there's the cardio element because i remember reading quite recently that weightlifting is really good from a grip point of view and then there's now studies showing that the strength of your grip determines your actual overall wow yeah so if you think about you know an older person getting out of a chair or pulling yourself up you know if they've actually got that strength that clearly can come from weightlifting yeah they're much they're much fitter they're much stronger i feel like the longevity is such a massive factor in terms of why i feel like people should start um mental clarity the anxiety like I can be a very anxious person I think because of my upbringing like I I'm a worrier like I overthink everything I'm super anxious but when I've been going to the gym consistently I'm calm I'm relaxed I'm focused it's just an entirely different me you know I want to fast forward because I'm really sort of hung up on this this this girl that was so badly bullied and so on right now yeah with I guess some validation and a little bit of that two fingers up to the people that that really were horrible to you and so on is there a contentment without any arrogance because you clearly haven't got that at all but is there something about you that you can really acknowledge you've come a long way and you've built that community of people that you are clearly not lonely anymore you know I I feel like you know actually going back to that my perspective on the whole thing has changed a lot because obviously I'm a lot older now I'm a lot more mature I have you know a lot more experience under my belt as you could say and I I don't look back in anger or I don't look back because I used to be really angry towards them I used to hate them so much for like why would you do this to me I can understand that as well yeah of course and but now I don't I feel like my entire perspective has changed like I feel genuinely so bad for them because I feel like hurt people hurt people and my entire perspective has changed on that and I actually you know I look back and I have a lot of sympathy for them even though they were the wrong ones who wronged me I'm sure they had a lot of things going on in their lives too I feel like you know perhaps if you've got abusive parents for example like that can really now that I know more about like narcissistic abuse and a lot more on that side too because of some past relationships I've had.

15:01But there's a lot that goes into why people do what they do. And I feel like it's not so black and white anymore. So if they are watching, I don't hate them. I feel like we all have our different paths to learn from and all have our lessons. And they help shape you, right? You're the tough, resilient girl with maturity and perspective, as you say, to look at that now. And your relationship with social media, we sort of touched on it. So coming at it from a point of view as a dad and someone that uses it myself, right you know it can be a force for good you know look at how you're using it and putting educational inspirational content and then there's the addictive algorithms and the doom scrolling so I wonder where you sit with it because you've been able to build a personal brand and a business on the back of it and I love the fact that you didn't aspire to set out to make money out of it that came to you yeah but someone that's trying to manage that you know and perhaps is caught up in this this doom scrolling and sort of trapped and and too afraid to put themselves out there and I really relate this to my own two daughters because you at some point made a decision to not be worried about being judged yeah you put content out and you're like this is what I want to do and let's see where it lands and I want to know advice you give to someone that just is too afraid to do that I feel like obviously because I was already alone and already isolated I had nothing to lose so kind of almost on the bottom?

16:23I was already at rock bottom. Like if people online hated me, hey, what's another person to say bad things about me? Like I had already experienced all of it. So it was impossible for it to hurt me. And I feel like actually that's why I'm so good at dealing with hate now, because there's lots of it. Like every single day I get, you know, a terrible comment by a random person that doesn't even know me. But I feel like I'm very good at dealing with that now because of those experiences but it is very hard to start if you don't know how to deal with that because social media can be a very nasty horrible place like disgustingly bad in some corners of the internet so people can hide right oh god yeah it could be alternative it could be a competitor yeah it wants to knock you off your throne because you're now doing judgment you know people want to knock you out i feel like there's there's absolutely no empathy when it comes to social media because they don't see a human they see a screen like someone on the screen that they'll think that you'll never read their comment anyways but it can get awfully nasty in the comment section sometimes I just don't read them but I try and remind myself like there's no point trying to please everyone it's impossible it's a task that will never happen if you're for example like when I'm speaking about fitness and everything sometimes I'll be bulking and a bulk is where you purposely try and gain weight so that you can gain more muscle and then loads of comments will be like she's so fat she's so this she's so that and then maybe another time where I'm like getting lean because I'm trying to lose that fat everyone will be like oh my god she looks ridiculously skinny like she's anorexic give this girl a noodle you can't win and I think that's what I try to tell people like if you go into this trying to please anybody you're doomed from the beginning because there is no such thing on social media outside of social media it's impossible you just have to do what you actually what feels right to you and what you're proud of and if you're proud of it that's all that matters it feels like you stayed authentic you're you know just super um very much being you right now there's no facade exactly the same before we started filming to now thank you um i want to get your sort of perspective on this i think over 70 percent of gen z coming through now want to be an influencer.

18:34I would say that, you know, unless you correct me, that a lot of what you do is influencing. And so I want to know why you think so many people want to come through because you're reaping the benefits of being an influencer. You've got to put up with the Wild West horrible comments as well. So why do 70 % of all kids coming through education now want to do what you're doing? It's a hard question, but I feel like it's because it's what they see 24-7. They're on their phones 24-7. They're on TikTok 24-7. You know, they get home from school and they maybe just sit and watch YouTube videos. And I think the more things that you're exposed to, the more it becomes like something that you might want to do as well.

19:16And I think that's the only reason. I think it is just purely that they see it as maybe cool. Maybe they look up to people that do the same job and they're like, oh, I wish I could do that as well because it looks cool. I get that. I feel like with any job, no, regardless of the job, you know, Even if it sounds like the most amazing thing in the world, there's always going to be caveats to it. There's always going to be negatives to it and things that you don't see, even to the day-to-day that is not on camera at all. Well, let's touch on that because that almost instaverses reality. So you're a creator.

19:46So much of what you put out, you're creating. And that's, again, entrepreneurial. So that's long days, potentially a huge amount of hours. My point being, it's hard work. Whereas what can often be associated with it, I've just been away on holiday. and had a lovely time and so on and that's a by-product of the fact that you've also got to be creative you've got to stimulate that to then put out content how much of that is is something you've had to work on and as well as coming naturally because you want to do it in an authentic way and you do which is why you've got you can't get an audience without that but I want to almost the question I suppose is from an aspirational point of view someone looking at you as a role model and wants to learn from it what advice can you give them I like in regards to social media, like becoming, having a job.

20:32Yeah, Insta versus reality. So it looks like an amazing lifestyle. It looks incredible. And dare I say, it almost looks easy. And you know I, but that's how it comes. No, I know what you mean. So what's the counter to that? Be prepared for... Well, it's, I really struggle to speak about my job negatively because every time I do, it's an array of people being like, this is ridiculous. You don't have a real job. It's not a real job. You just, all you do is just like do nothing in the day. I think the perception of it is very much so that I just sit around and do nothing. But it's new. It's relatively new.

21:06Because it's new, of course. But you come through it learning on the job. Yeah, exactly. So dads, it could be in a position when they say, and I didn't mean to interrupt you, but I think it's so relevant to them. That's not a real job. Yeah. Well, actually, it is. Yeah. And you're making a great living out of it. And you're proud of it. Absolutely. So there's a disconnect at the moment. I think with anything that's new, this happens. Like even I wasn't around at this time, obviously, but my mum used to say, like, even when TV was first arising and there were TV broadcasters and people, everyone's like, that's not a real job.

21:37That's not a real job. I think it happens with any scenario that you're in, any new thing that comes around that has no, you know, track history and you don't actually know the ins and outs of it. It all seems very silly and easy until you actually learn more about the position and more about what they actually do. And I hate to speak about it in a negative light because I am so grateful and so lucky this is... I think you're calling out the reality. Yeah, of course. And you're enjoying it. Whatever you do after today, it's all going to be in that space because it's what you... And you've learned it.

22:07Absolutely. And you're still learning it. Yeah. But you're flagging the fact that there are things that people should be aware of, right? Absolutely. And you've had that from a lived experience. And it's definitely a hard job at times. Like, I feel like the balance is very difficult because you're on your phone 24-7. Like I could be working, actually most days I do work from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to sleep, especially in the first few years when I was so, it was like my entire life and I had nothing else. I would just be on my phone 24-7 and I would never actually be out in the real world doing anything at any time.

22:39And the workload was absolutely massive. And I obviously enjoyed every second of it. I'm not saying that it's a difficult job by any means, but the hours that go into it can be absolutely exhausting. And the competition that you actually have, if you think about how many people want to do this job and how many people try to do this job and the amount of content that's actually uploaded to social media per day, it's a huge competition at the moment. Fighting for the attention, right? Oh, my gosh, yeah, absolutely. And if you're, for example, if someone's posting twice a day and you're posting once a day, you're at a loss.

23:12like you're losing our you know business almost how do you stay relevant in that because you have you are and you're you know i sort of want to know what where your north star is coming next but you know there's there's people that come flying into our worlds on social media and they sort of disappear because they haven't been able to stay relevant what are you doing that keeps you in that place well when i first started because obviously i've been doing this job for eight you're a veteran i'm i have been a while i was here at the beginning basically but what eight nine years a very very very long time um and a lot of people that were really big at the time that i was growing in the space have completely disappeared now and staying having that relevancy and staying like successful in the space is incredibly difficult getting into it having one viral video easiest thing in the world it's then staying there and elevating the consistency of staying up there is extremely extremely hard and i feel like that's what people don't realize like it's very very very easy to get a few followers but it's very extremely difficult to keep the attention of those people at the same time I think what I've done is I've constantly evolved with the platforms because a lot of people were you know very routine about just the exact same type of content over and over and over again and if something was a change in the algorithm or TikTok came up or maybe the type of content style was you know different or people wanted more authenticity they would keep doing the same thing that they worked initially exactly and I think you know how to evolve that's the exact skill that's the exact thing I did the complete opposite of I was like okay if TikTok's coming around cool let's do TikTok YouTube you know if my views are down for one minute I don't think like oh everything the platform just hates me like I'm just doomed let me just quit my job I actually think like okay what am I doing that's not quite right in this how can I let's look at the people that are doing well right now and not copy but take inspiration from them see what they're doing that's different to how I used to do things I think if you get in any business social media is all you know not different to that if you get caught up in just your way of doing things and your initial way that worked initially you you're doomed like you you need to keep up especially with social media being such a fast platform and it's just changing every single day if you don't keep up with it you don't have a job anymore so I think it's just really staying up to date with the changes and not trying so hard to go against them I think you've articulated that really well I think one thing that's now in my brain is all that moving around as a young Bella and not having stability potentially has also helped you as well where you never got used to you know that whole like if you change schools once it's a massive moment where you're in and out of school so actually you don't settle on something and go this is how it works I need to almost that sort of uh not putting yourself out your comfort zone you're constantly looking to see well actually I've got to keep moving yeah absolutely so what what is your sort of north star you know you you've achieved a huge amount as we sit here now what's the sort of purpose and passion that you're sort of taking a view on over the next few years where do you want to get to well it's actually changed quite a lot as well it's interesting you bring that up because you know it I started off very community focused I sort of grew, grew, grew, grew, grew.

26:30And then there was maybe a year or so where, let's say, the numbers weren't quite the same or like things weren't quite the same. And I think I got so caught up in that. And I completely lost the fact that numbers don't matter in regards to you're the most successful and you're the most relatable and people like you the most when you're just your genuine self. And that's when you're going to find your crowd. You're distracted and swayed buy the numbers in the money. I got like, it really distracted me because I think when you've been doing it for so many years and you're used to like a million views a video and then that million drops down to 200 ,000, I think it can really, it's like having like a clothing business and like your numbers are just cut, you know, in a quarter.

27:11So that really kind of swayed me into focusing on the wrong thing. And the more I focused on that, the worse and worse and worse. Going down the wrong, the wrong way. How cool that you recognize that though, right? And did someone advise you? I don't want to jump in, but you've been lonely before at times and isolated. Have you got a team around you now? Are you working this well in your head, but drawing on the experience and the feedback from learning on the job? I'm just wondering how much of this is you recognizing it, having the knowledge and the skill to go, hey, I've lost my direction because of this.

27:42I actually, like I do have an assistant at the moment, but I actually, I journal a huge amount. If there's any time that I'm frustrated or I feel like there's just, I don't understand what's happening, I feel like just speaking to yourself, even though that sounds very weird. Sometimes I'll just talk to myself or I'll be journaling for however many hours it takes for me to understand what's happening. And I could spend like an entire day, eight hours, nine hours, ten hours just writing. And then at the end of that, it's just kind of like it just suddenly clicks. And I'm like, wait a minute, this is where I'm going wrong.

28:15That's where I'm going wrong. I feel like self-awareness is probably one of the most important tools you can possibly have as a person. And even for business as well, if you're not self-aware and you're just blaming everything externally, like, oh, it's the algorithm's fault. It's this platform's fault. It's TikTok's fault. It's this. It's that. Like you're constantly making excuses for your own inability to keep up with the changes. And if you can't do that, then you're not going to continue to grow. It's brilliant. Proper growth mindset, that. and on that you you you have been phenomenally successful and you've done it all from effectively nothing you know sitting here now how would you define success I think success is it's not a number it's not an amount of money it's not a type of house I think success is where you're where you feel the most fulfilled like I've gotten to a place where I was making it a ridiculous amount of money and I was so unhappy because I was not doing social media in the way that was fulfilling to me I was posting for numbers and that was it so this is when you lost your direction this is when I lost my direction that then tapered off though yeah absolutely it peaked I guess and then you started to do it for the wrong reasons and then actually very quickly that dropped it was when I peaked that I was like oh okay like let's just keep doing that and you can see why you would though right it's a massively valuable lesson to anyone watching listening stay true to your purpose and enjoy what you're doing.

29:39And to yourself. And for that year that I really sort of fell off, this was maybe four years ago, you know, the income was a lot less. Everything really changed from that. And it's only when I started to forget about the numbers, forget about the income, forget about all of it again and just go back to the reason why I actually started this job, which was community. The girls that I speak to on the daily, you know, posting videos that are really real and raw, like times where I'm crying or feeling uncomfortable, like just real life stuff that people are scared to post that's when just everything went absolutely crazy again not being afraid to be vulnerable not being afraid to be yourself very raw and you're going to get a huge amount of bad comments but you're also going to get a extraordinary crowd of people that just love you for who you are and are supportive of that side of you so i think doing it for the right reasons and being fulfilled is a million times better than any money and when you are fulfilled and when you are happy the money just comes you know when you're doing something that you love you never have to worry about money because it will just come to you I really believe that well you're proving it yeah you know and I think it's that I think we're all craving authenticity it's the one criteria I have for anyone I want to talk because you can learn I'm learning so much from you and I think if you get distracted you go and I can clearly see why you would in that in that capacity I don't know how I would deal with that suddenly this is working to make money so did it but actually it takes you off the direction of where yeah you really wanted to be absolutely um i've still got this image in my head i don't want to i don't want to get back to an end or almost on a sort of a negative but just very much that young version of yourself where you were so lost and you were so uh isolated and lonely to now being someone that has a community around that supports that is proud and happy to be themselves put themselves out there if you could talk to a younger version of yourself give advice to to the girl that was moving schools crying every night what would it be um i feel emotional about it because i can tell you've been through it it's amazing now to be able to sit with you thriving and killing it but i know that you've had to go through and i suppose it's just that whole you're a role model so that allows you to be influencing just one person watching or listening that you could make a difference to and how much would you have loved to have had that when you were on your own I think the biggest thing I would if I could actually speak to myself is and go back in time I would definitely say that things don't last forever things pass and it will shape you as a person in the best way possible and I think to every terrible awful situation that sometimes I would you know just this awful emotions that you know no 11 12 year old should ever really feel or or experience on the day-to-day.

32:28However, sometimes through pain, there's growth. And I would tell myself that every single time you come across horrible people or bad experiences or there's no food on the table or you're just going through the worst, look at it as the best thing ever because the more you experience, the better a person you'll become and the better of a life experience you'll be able to have and the more passion you'll have for doing the opposite and for being a better person than those nasty people or for being able to provide for your mum after she's gone through so much struggle to, you know, get you where you are.

33:03I just, I would tell myself to go into every experience with a smile on my face, even though it's very difficult to do. But I would tell myself that at the end of this... You can aim to do that though, right? Absolutely. You can try and frame everything with a positive mindset. Not looking at it as, you know, the worst situation, but looking at it as like, looking at it and thinking, how can I grow from this? What kind of person can I become from this? What lesson can I take from this? how can I teach my kids to act in these situations and I think every painful moment has some really beautiful things at the end of it so yeah it's awesome you are an inspiration you know I think you're the person that you are today because of the things you've had to go through and I think that's a really valuable valuable lesson you know I can relate to that in my own way there are very many reasons why I wouldn't be sat here now if things would continue to go really well in different scenarios that were really difficult at the time and then actually you know you you grow and you you know you sort of develop skills that you wouldn't have needed to and so i'm really sure i took you back to that but that was a super inspirational message that you know someone in a dark place could hear and it could change and i think um as a parent as well i go out of my way to try and make sure that my my two kids don't actually have hardship and so on but it's not actually always the best.

34:19There need to be trials and tribulations that build you. It must be really hard as a parent though to watch them go through. That's why I asked you about your mum. I said, you know, when you were coming home crying, it's heartbreaking. Oh yeah, she would try and go to the school and speak, but the more she tried to help, the worse it got. But at least you knew she was trying to help. And at that point, you know, because if you hadn't tried to help, which some kids have that, right? It could be for different reasons, but the parents just aren't, they're not looking out for them, then you'll properly realise that you realise you had to work it out for yourself.

34:50And you have. And you're a role model, you're an inspiration. And I was so looking forward to this conversation. I don't want it to come to an end, but we've run out of time. But I have so enjoyed talking to me about it. Thank you so much for having me. I really, really, really appreciate it. I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Thank you.