Nathan Massey | Extraordinary Life Stories

0:14Nathan, thank you for joining me. Thank you for having me. Been looking forward to this. So have I. Tell me, who's Nathan Massey? Who is Nathan Massey? A father, a son, a loving husband who loves his family and who's had a bit of luck along the way. Made your own luck. Made your own luck. I've got a word that I just kept coming back to and I knew we were going to be talking, which is authentic. and you've maintained that authenticity despite having gone on love island and winning it and all the fame that comes with that and yet you just stayed authentic tell me about that uh i think that stems down to having real friends from other friends my best mates since i've been in year one at school um so if i ever got out my you know depth grounded kept me grounded um so i'm still friends there's about six of us and that is so important it's so important to have people around you that truly care about you and whether you have your ups or downs they do not care they just want the best for you and that's so important and I've got a fantastic mum and dad um so there's that there's upbringing there which shapes you yeah and then there's the whole continuation which is friendships exactly um yes and my yeah my mum and dad are amazing even now my dad I'm still not scared of my dad well I would say that you know if I do something that you know I just wouldn't want him to know you know what I mean and I wouldn't want him to if I do something stupid I wouldn't want him to find that because he'd just give me the look and he'd be like he's the dad you never want to say you disappointed me exactly that you know that's and I think that is so important growing up you know um that's the respect actually isn't it exactly and that's what I'm trying to install into my children you know I'm not your friends I'm your dad and you know I think it's so important to that you know I've been given great foundations as a child and that's what I'm trying to install into my children too feel that you can tell and I I brought up the whole kind of almost like there's a continuation of it goes straight through the opportunity that was Love Island.

2:25And to have gone into that as Nathan and all your mates kind of going, what's he doing? What is this? Because it was relatively new, right? It was the second series. Second series, yeah. So it's a huge institution now, if you like, whereas back then it was probably just something that was developing some momentum. Yeah. So then come out and those same friends are there for you. They can ground you and they can also guide you through what must have been a huge amount of change from Nathan in the pub that they knew to then other people pointing out and so on how did you cope with that I struggled I'll be completely honest with you it was um the main thing I struggled with was what I used to do with before that when I was a carpenter I used to spend my week's wages in a nightclub on a bottle of Grey Goose and pose of it like a complete blonker to what I couldn't grips was used to get paid to go and drink and I was a 26 year old man prime of my life just come off one of the biggest shows on tv and i couldn't i couldn't control myself that was my that was my downfall was my drinking um going to these clubs and you know every bottle every table we went to was was gray goose or you know i couldn't grasp that and i wasn't mature enough to at that moment in time now a hangover takes me about a week to get over so but back in the day and that that caused a lot of problems for me and you know Cara um yeah and it was it was it was a tough time like don't get me wrong I was having the time of my life and you know what I'd done what we achieved together on the show and stuff was absolutely amazing but you know what goes up must come down and that's that's what I struggle with a little bit was there and what I struggle with listening to that is you you ultimately won the the whole competition so you are the pinnacle you're in the limelight and there must all the people all the resources that put that program and then the support team around who was looking out for you afterwards because you're you're sort of sent out into the world of someone completely different in context of people recognizing you and so on having these opportunities and of course anyone watching this thing is going to struggle to feel sorry for you and you're not feeling sorry for yourself but actually there's there's no safeguarding there's no advice yeah so we had And when we won, we went into a back room and we had a psych.

4:44And, you know, I can't really remember what because I was just high on life. It was like, you know, how do you feel? I'm like on top of the world. Buzzy. Yeah. And we still do. We are still keeping contact with the guys from Love Island and stuff like that. But the main people that looked out for me was my dad. I remember a time when, you know, I was drinking way too much, way too much. and it's the first time he's ever done it. He'd come round and I must have, you know, annoyed him doing something out, just not acting myself. And he'd come round and give me the biggest talk in two of my life.

5:21And from that, it was like, whoa, you know, that for me was a massive wake-up call, which I needed. Yeah, and if I didn't, I'd have my dad and, you know, and Cara as well. Cara has been amazing. So, yeah, that was a big wake-up call. brings it all back to family doesn't it yeah importance of your card and that's bring car into because actually as a being successful in winning the program you met your wife you know you met your future partner right so weird isn't it it's it's an awesome story it's it's incredible like even now you know for yeah i ain't been on tv for nine nine years and you know our the interactions we still get on instagram and you that crowd that followed us you know have their own families now and you know that's what makes it because we're very relatable people you know we're you know we like to keep things real even our parenting whether you think it's right or wrong we keep it real and keep you know wear our hearts and our sleeves and um yeah I think that's that's the main thing just get relatable is it another key thing that almost links Cara and your dad to to this conversation with you and me wanting to talk to you as role models yes now you Your dad had a talking to with you and you listened.

6:35You snapped out of it. And if we relate that to the Lost Boys report, which the Centre of Social Justice had just produced, Cigar Southgate's talk, the Dimbabwe talk, the whole Lost Boys and lads that have really been kind of isolated and lost their confidence, if you like, and the narrative that goes with the parents, the dads in particular, that have kind of lost that ability almost to try and be role models. where did you sit with that because sitting here right now i see you as a role model thank you you're a role model to your own kids it's the first thing you said when i asked you who you are i'm a dad yeah i'm a dad as well so i know how important that is to us but do you feel almost that sort of responsibility as a role model as someone of fame if you like a note um yes i yeah i do i like i said i as i've got to about i'm 33 now so i've grown up once and for all you know and I completely feel that and I like to take people under my wing now you know that I feel like I can see myself in them massively and it's um yeah I like to see myself as a role model um and yeah just helping people out that's what I'd like to do it's empathy you can tell you're naturally wanting to help yeah I do I don't like I said I don't do it for any i i like to like i've been through things so it's nice to show my you know what i've been through and stuff and give back you know that's that's what i like yeah which again i know how important your friends are to you and that makes you a good friend because you're genuinely looking out for them and i think that's a key part of this message if you like as part of the conversation is that sort of vulnerability in men being a being a strength like you're in super good shape right you look up physically and mentally you got proper twinkle in your eye and so on so it's important to you to kind of look out for yourself to then look out for your friends and i feel like that's been missing certainly in generations previous for men boys don't talk to each other in that way whereas it comes so naturally to you yeah i think it's very important i mean um talking this day and age and and you know one thing that i've always found helps i know it's very cliche but it's the gym getting up training getting the endorphins flushing through your body early in the morning i know this is very cliche as well plunge pools and stuff like that when i'm on my instagram i'm trying to put out there you know getting up training is the best therapy in life it really is and it's took my dad's always told me uh the best drug in life is feeling fit it's took me 33 years to to grasp that and you know what is so true so tell me about your routine i'm interested because i have the same and i have to do it early yeah particularly now at 47 i procrastinate i don't i sort of put it off um i know how important it is to me for my mentor and my physical i want to feel fit yeah but i've reached a stage where there's part i mean it's like i don't want to do it i don't want to do it who wants to get into the cold plunge right you know how good you feel up it's not enjoyable when you do it so i want to know you know is that sort of a five in the morning job is it it's five in the morning alarm goes off carwear does her it does her head in because the alarm goes off at five and probably wakes the kids up but drive to the gym for six um and then like i said previous uh blaze 45 is an incredible session gets it all done so you know you're out you're getting your you're punching in with the punch bag you're getting your right you're running in with the treadmill and then you're getting a pump on on the muscle so it does all three in one and you leave that room feeling like a million dollars you really do and then you get down to the steam room get in the sauna for 10 minutes and then three minutes in the in the cold plans and that that gets the endorphins going honestly you get out of that gym and you feel like superman right and even it's the whole win the morning win the day right now whatever you're doing yeah you feel like you can take it on and it just it's just sets you up for the day and yeah it's about the last two years um like five when that alarm goes off it is torture it's awful but i do this thing now where i'm laying in bed and i go one two three up and i do it every and that third one i've got to be up and i do it and can and carl is like oh shut up he's doing that thing again but that's i go one two three up and then that's it once you're up you're up that's brilliant i know how important that is and it's it's one of those things where from people listening watching and hearing that however difficult it might feel or or unenjoyable and it's the feeling after it was what you feel about.

11:14And you created some awesome opportunity for yourself through saying yes to things like Love Island. Talk to me about the sort of journey afterwards where a lot of people will go into the scenario to try and win, or at least just be on Love Island, to then have the opportunity to better themselves. What's that actually been like for you? Because I imagine there's been almost a sort of a roller coaster of opportunity and then gluts, where you then got to graft and be entrepreneurial. the first year after coming out it was a it was tough um because me and Cara split up we split up that um you know Cara suffers with depression and my drinking wasn't helping it so it was just like a toxic relationship we split up and then you know I realized you know uh after six months we got back together so when we were back together um and we had our first son you know we sort of started to build ourself a brand and without knowing you know just being relatable putting funny videos up on instagram etc etc and once that started to happen like good things were coming our way i mean the doors it's opened is incredible like i could never imagine being on you know a carpenter on site that you know the people i play golf with you know just because they've liked my stuff or you know they like come and play it's it's been an incredible roller coaster um and but yeah right now in my life very content and yeah some nice big things coming up so really good to hear because I guess the sort of loaded side of the question is how do you almost stay relevant?

12:59Because when you're at that peak, if you like, of winning the second series of Love Island, everyone probably wanted a piece of you. And for all the right reasons as well, you're an absolutely lovely guy who's authentic, which again goes by the role model. But then it's like just trying to understand how much you've had to almost fight to keep that attention and what you do to almost choose what you want to do, not just what opportunities are coming to you. How much of that are you in control of? So what I always say to people is my analogy of that is Toy Story, right? When Woody's Andy's best toy.

13:31Yes. And then Buzz comes along and Woody gets shoved under the bed. That's how it feels. It's a conveyor belt, Love Island. And, you know, the next series is coming along and they're going to have more budget and it's going to be bigger and better. That was a tough pill to swallow. and you know the guys that come on the series after me got huge deals and and you know looking over the fence you're thinking god you know that's tough that's hard to watch because we were we were early on but I had dinner once with one of my friends and I met a guy who was a multi-millionaire and this will always stick with me and he i was like what's it like being a millionaire and he said but you're a millionaire i said mate i'll check my account i'm not a millionaire he said yeah but you've got what i've got what i want and i was like what's that he said a loving family i haven't got that he said so you are a millionaire you've got all the money in the world in that respect and you know it just hit and dawned on me it was like you know what that's so true i've got a loving family and that's i can relate to that yeah yeah two daughters wife uh married 17 years been together 20 years but you can't replace that with any money in the bank right and it yeah it hit me right when i was about 30 that's when you you know materialistic things go out the window as long as you can provide give a great you know upbringing to your children give them things that i never sort of could have had you're winning so there's a lot of things you do professionally if you like that also then allow you to spend quality time with cara where do you stand with all the kind of um opportunity you've been given through reality tv and beyond social media if you like um with your own kids my point being are you trying to almost safeguard and protect them from all that and let them work their way out or will you bring them into that so we they're into it my boy freddie is in stage school uh kelsey's stage school kelsey barbie's stage school which he absolutely loves and he loves being in front of the camera I've never thought it on him I never would you know if he said to me dad I don't want to bring the camera that's fine you do what you want he's never been into football never been into any of that like I wasn't I weren't into football really and you know when we go to away like we have some fantastic jobs with Jet2 we basically create fun content when we're away in different countries and Fred's in the forefront of it um you know presenting the whole thing it's really incredible and it's so nice to watch him doing it delilah's still getting there she looks up to fred but we we you know as a family we're all in it you've embraced it we've embraced i love that but he's a creator you're creating yeah so much of social media that's rightly so getting negative uh kind of press if you like is the doom scrolling and the algorithm where you put your page and you just and that's killing the brain yes your kids are going to grow up seeing two role models parents that have been creators and doing stuff that they can get involved in and it's the future right i mean social media the whole being visible you know podcasts and is is is there's a huge opportunity for your kids if they can embrace that one million percent and you know like i said if my son i've always said to him you can and you know do whatever you like to do but um you know we've given him a great head start he's got an instagram i think he's got like 15 000 followers but i will never give him that instagram until he's of age because i think it's a scary world you know the comments um also one thing i'm dead against is people you know filters and stuff like that on on instagram i think it's so it's completely against your your authenticity right it's not that it's just the fact i just think it's not good for the youth at all this is going going to sound really you know oh like um grown up in me but it's I just think you know I don't get me wrong I'll put a cheeky filter on to make myself look a bit tan do you know what I mean but I think it's going too much um now where people are completely changing their faces and you know you they're unrecognizable when you walk down the street and what is that giving to the youth it's like everything's got to be perfect on your face life isn't perfect you know what I mean i'm five foot seven you know i mean i've embraced it i'm a i'm a short fellow and you know i've always put things like that um you know uh got other things from it you know i mean being small trying to get different ways around things but um yeah i just find it very that it's a it's going to be a tough world growing up when when people are filtering and that too much I love the fact, though, that your kids have got two people that have navigated so much.

18:22And I want to cover that, right? Just me talking to you from a man-to-man point of view, I reckon I'd have really struggled to go on Love Island and the opportunity to come along. And I'm going to call you brave for doing it, right? Because I reckon the whole fear of being judged and putting yourself right out there in the public domain, that's a serious thing to do. and yet it feels like you not only embraced it, saw it as an opportunity, but loved it. I'll be honest with you, I didn't watch it, but I've watched all sorts of things on social media and so on before I filmed you today. And it's just so clear that you are just bouncing around and you are just like, it's like, bring it.

19:01It was a time in my life, like you said, I'll never forget, I was sweeping up my wood chippings at work on a Friday. And I sort of knew I was getting there and then I got the phone call. And it was like, I was with one of my best mates, shell and we was driving and it was like the old only fools and horses you know when they pull over and because they sell the clock and they pulled over and uh one of the guys from love island were like you're in and we were just like and you know what the hell but i've always had more front and south end do you know what i mean i'm so you know loud not you know not in a nasty way but i like being you know in the room center of attention having a laugh it was just the most nervous part was I knew I was short the shortest by a lot um I got told by one of the photographers they were like these guys are you know up here and I was like oh god he was like so get that personality out so and that's what I did I was outside the villa and and one of the guys counted me in and I remember my heart was thumping.

20:05I'm like, if no girls stand in front of me or step forward for me, that is going to be embarrassing. But I bowled in, bowled as fast and just like, yeah, give it me all. And the rest is history. And the rest is history. My wife still confident. And I love that. You mentioned sort of being short, but then you look at the fact that you're looking around the corner. It's an obstacle. What else would you accentuate other things? Exactly that. That's the life skill that is. yeah you could say that like you said i've always been short i've always been but i've always had lots of personality i've always been funny and that's always got me out of you know you know being bullied such because i was so you've got nasty people at school i've always had big mates and stuff but where i was the little funny guy everyone loved it do you know what i mean and that's how uh the same thing i took on to love island for the first i remember first two days I just sort of had everyone around me having a laugh with everyone very quickly and then it just was the time of my life it was unbelievable experience I can tell and I love that and I think there's an underlying confidence which clearly going back to your dad yeah and upbringing and then the relationship you've got with Cara where you just there's a huge un very not arrogant confidence that just comes off you which again is probably rippling into your kids which is just it's just a brilliant vibration you mentioned um when we're talking about social media negative comments why do you sit with that because that's the sort of hiding behind a face if people can say something like i imagine it just bounces off like you can talk you wherever did you really just say but when you're dealing with socials particularly when people feel like they know you but they don't you've got that huge community and following and anything you put out anyone's time is going to get negative comments one how do you deal with that and when you mentioned earlier about protecting your children how would you prepare them for that so firstly i would like i said i was built up on a building site and i got called many names so being called a you know short stumpy whatever uh really didn't bother me um it depends what mood you're in but i remember once we just had freddie and this guy said sat and i i lost it and then i'm i called him a name and then the son made a story of it my agent was like you can't and i was like okay i can see where this is going but then other times i just banter them someone's just saying i just put you know a very smart ass answer back and they're sitting there scratching their heads and it's like being at center court at wimbledon and in car is like why are you giving them the time i'm like you know it's just this is like you know this is fun this is a hobby for me um with the children uh it's it's a good question um i mean there's very there's loads of things now where you can sort the comments out and stuff like that.

22:53You can... Filter them out? Filter your comments out. But like I said, I won't give my children... I'll build them an Instagram so when they're of age, they've got a nice following to go on to. But I'd have to filter it. But I'd have to speak to them and tell them there are some nasty people out there. And you've just got to stay vigilant. Nice things I've always had you to talk to. in the same way I can tell that's a key thing for you it's communicating and being there to have that chat 100 so jet two holidays you talked about um taking your family away on amazing holidays that you can also call work yeah and some of these options that come along on the back of it what what have you not done that you'd love to be able to do I'm just thinking of people watching listening and that whole sort of ambition that still hasn't been achieved I'm a very you know I love my golf and I've done some good stuff in the past with my golf I've always this is like really wild out there but I've always thought I'd be a good actor I don't know why because I can do many different accents and presenting I'd love to be a presenter I was just away with Jeff Brazer and I watched him how he you know worked a room we was away with Jet 2 last week and the way he got up on the mic and just oozed confidence I was just looking at him and I was thinking god you're good not only are you handsome you can work a room you'd be great at that though yeah and Jeff come up to me and he said mate why you know why are you not pushing you I said yeah no I would have you tried have you have you put that out there we've done a presenting call to me and Kyle when we first come off of Love Island but then yet again I weren't in the right mind of you know frame of mind because I was out too much drinking and stuff like that but now I'm of age where you don't want to push on and provide and everything like that I could see myself into it so you know never say never yeah that's because that's a growth mindset so yeah for you there's things you've achieved there's lots of things you've done but i can see there's there's still that whole glint which is why i was interested in where you want to go but because again using jeff as an example that whole role model side of things i mean you said yourself in love island you had everyone wrapped around you in two or three days that's a gravitation to people yeah you've got that yeah that's a multifaceted um skill if you like my my best friend Jack says it to me all the time he hit Jack was um he's like yeah a very long friend of mine and he says wherever we go it don't matter where we are in the world we've just done a an arctic trek uh for charity me and Jack um it was crazy um but then even then you know people were down and tired and everything like that but I was still and he said to me that is a skill you need to be putting that skill into something else and I said I know but I don't know what yet and I don't I want to do presenting but you know it's where do I go what you know I want to find an angle for me to do it and yeah maybe what about the whole men's mental health space just thinking out loud on the basis about that you have been so open about your own mental health about that that a strong character both um mentally and also physically but being so vulnerable and so open about it surely that's because because just going back to the fact that that's how i see you as a role model and it's clear the next generation is crying out for that so i'm not trying to position you anyway but that just feels like an amazing space for you and people can resonate from yeah definitely like i said i'm always it's quite nice to be called that you know i never thought i would be one of those like five years ago but like i said once you have children um once i had my first child that was it for me it was like a bang um and i think if you if you don't have that wake-up call when you've had your first child then you know could be in a lot of trouble because if your children can't change you then no i agree and it's this lack of confidence i look at you rimming with it again without being arrogant but just confident and it's just it's heartbreaking the the the netflix series adolescence i know it's fiction but it's just highlighting the lack of confidence and the smashed kind of ego, if you like, that boys have got because they don't know where they fit in in society.

27:03That's where I'm going with this narrative. It's like actually there's more people that need to be being proud to be men. Yeah, 100%. I couldn't agree anymore. No. You were a carpenter before Love Island. Is that done? Because I just think about the multi-skills you've got. Do you still dabble with that? Is there any sort of hobby element to the carpentry side of things? Is that something you pass on to your kids? or was that a by-product of previous times? So my father's a stonemason and he's a very good one at that. He's one of the best in London. So I left the carpentry behind. I was a skilled carpenter.

27:39I was level three trained stonemason where I trained up in Northampton carving stone, which was quite interesting. But at that time, I weren't interested and my dad was my boss. So it was just like butting heads. But going back to when I was coming off Love Island and I was downward spiring a thing I forgot to say my dad come round after he had the chat with me and he said get your work boots when you're coming back to work and I did literally he said I don't care what you do you're not sitting in this flat wasting away, if you're not doing nothing you're coming back to work with me, I went back to work with him and I've never stopped ever since and I think it's the most important thing I've ever done in my life because it grounds you remove the pride it removes the pride you're back at work and it and i needed that as well i needed the site banter and i was you know i was just sitting in we had a flat me and cara broke up my dad could see i was just you know on a downward spiral going back to work was the best thing and it when you do go on these trips with jet two and everything like that it makes you realize how lucky you actually are going away my family as a job and then like i said nothing wrong with being on a building site but the difference is it makes you feel that it makes me feel how lucky I am yeah it's just such a important thing my dad done for me at that time so many powerful messages out of this conversation that the importance of family the importance of your dad you brought him up countless times he sounds like an absolute legend mate yeah he is he's and I can tell how important he is and then you being able to to be the dad to your your kids is huge I'm almost emotional I'm talking to you about it because I think that's such a massive thing lacking in our society.

29:26And that's a good way to end. I just, I was so looking forward to this conversation with you because I do see you as an amazing role model. I appreciate it. It's a bit broken at the moment and thank you for making time. No, thank you for having me. You're an absolute gentleman. Thank you so much.

29:57We'll see you next time.