Ore Oduba | Extraordinary Life Stories

0:00Thank you and all and all I hear you I hear you kepada my on the profile because I think a lot of us are quite I was listening to something that reminded us that a lot of us are quite obsessed with title status taglines we kind of put it on our profiles as our biogs I am this and I actually tried to change it from actor to what did I try to change it to the postman or something because I wanted to suggest that I'm a much more service-based these days. But what I changed it to was work in progress with emphasis on the work. That's me right now. I am at work trying to figure out what I'm doing here and why.

1:17And it's It's been really revealing. It's been, it's given me a whole new lease of life. There's a humbleness about you. And I'm not saying that humbleness wouldn't have been there, but I can feel you're in a real, real period of curiosity and sort of finding yourself more. Well, you are spot on there, John, because I found myself at a point in my life where I had to be prepared to lose everything in order to save myself. And when you find yourself at that point, you realize that nothing matters other than your purpose, in my case, my kids, and living your true authentic self. I started very much at the bottom about 18, 12 months ago.

2:05Was that deliberate? Was that almost sort of forced on you? Because there's a real strength in your vulnerability by saying that. You know, you're a powerful, great presence of a human being sitting here, but there's a real vulnerability there. Thank you. The journey, I guess, when did I find out? It was kind of forced, really, when my dad died. My dad died October 2023. And in the process of our mourning and our grieving and our, you know, going to the funeral back in Nigeria where he lived,

2:39I realized I'd lived my entire life to that point in fear Crippling fear And if you had asked me as an adult Seemingly conscious about what I was doing Where I was in my life If you had ever asked me What is the thing you're most afraid of And I have a terrible fear of birds by the way And that always would have been top of the list But the true answer I would have given was failure that I was terrified of failure and it came from my upbringing and it definitely came from my my dad and and whilst we grieved him and he was a very incredible man in so many ways but I went back to Nigeria we went back for the funeral and I walked through the house that we went back to as children for the last time in 2000 and it was like walking hand in hand viscerally with the 15 year old me the only difference was I'm now 38 with two children of my own and I could see through the lens of that kid that was me exactly how trodden how defeated, how terrified I was.

3:59And for the first time I went, that shouldn't have happened. It's okay. And I began immediately, the lift happened. And I went, I get to start again now. And so for the first time I was able to look at my life as it was now, you know, oh, okay. Things have got to change. And I started pressing some red buttons in my life. Some self-disrupt buttons, because I knew that I couldn't carry on as it was. Thank you for sharing that. You're very welcome. You can feel that as well. There's a huge amount of engineering your life from a perspective point of view of looking who you were, how you've been behaving, to then making definitive changes and probably far more present with it.

4:44Oh, gosh. What is it about self-awareness? you find out that you know we are a product of our past and so, and every experience that we've ever had, right? And you realise that what you're doing today is as a direct correlation of something that's happened to you, whether it was yesterday or ten years ago and there are points in my life, my adult life, again thinking very present thinking very much in control of what's going on. Childhood was just bursting its way through me And there are a number of episodes that have happened with my children, family, that were destructive. And as soon as I began to see where I had come from and the person I am now, as a result of all of those experiences and kind of understanding who I am today, everything changed.

5:37Because I wasn't living my life presently because of past experiences. I became so aware of the person that I am because of the person I was yesterday. And that began changing every single relationship that I have in my entire life. And it is so liberating. So liberating. What are the biggest changes you'd make? Because to go through what clearly have been traumatic, destructive experiences and behavior, you're now using that as a negative, as a positive, to be a better version of yourself. What have you changed? Everything. Everything. It's a complete like hard stop. Carte Blanche. I don't really recognize anything that went before.

6:22Now, there was a big family change. My wife and I split up 12 months ago. And the life before that to the life that I've grown into are just completely... They are entirely different. that there's nothing there are no similarities to whatsoever other than me kind of as in body and and i guess i found myself i i have to find a way out of this and it was definitely painful it was definitely confusing and i found myself just wanted to learn more wanted to know more i've been doing therapy since 2023 trying to uncover this stuff and um and with that just reading reading listening seeking knowledge seeking knowledge there's so much of it out there there is an abundance of knowledge and you get to a point where you think you know it all or certainly as a grown-up because life gets in the way you stop learning and i was like i need to know more i got in touch back i got back in touch with my faith my christianity and i'd spent many many years post Strictly Come Dancing, John, I had been very in touch with my faith.

7:38I wasn't the best Christian, but I'd been very in touch with my faith up until Strictly Come Dancing. I used to pray every Friday night about the Saturday, just to put my best foot forward. I couldn't wait to deliver a performance on the Saturday night. Obviously things went rather well and Joanne and I came out and won that show completely unexpectedly. And at that point, definite career changes and and some intention about wanting to go from where I was which was I had been so grateful to be there thinking I need to make or take a risk I need to go somewhere where I know I believe I'm supposed to be so I made those changes funny enough at that point my faith fell completely off a cliff the moment you've won post strictly unwittingly unknowingly I stopped praying I stopped believing beyond and this was all very unconsciously and I think I started to think that I was now in control of what my life was supposed to look like the phone wasn't going to stop ringing I had to you know I was going to look after my family we were going to start a family it was all on me and that level of control started building and building and building to a point that you think that you're in charge of your destiny in your life you think you're in charge of all of these people that you're connected to and when things start well doing what life does that you're not in control of it it's going to start sending you into a spiral that you just cannot get around and i think there was a point covid post covid where the authentic me would just started just screaming out was just so suppressed and so suffocated and so kind of terrified um i had no idea what was going on my life was literally going up in smoke before my very eyes and i was i didn't know what to do and as it was as doors started shutting on shutting around me and he had a wonderful guest on recently ann lee howling who talks a lot about shame and shame tends to narrow your perspective and and bring your universe really small solitary you feel very alone And so a lot of the doors that I thought I was, that were open, had closed completely.

9:57And the one door that was never closed was the church. Really humbling. You can say that. Well, and it started again from there. One thing that is a constant with you is you are always up for a challenge. You're challenging yourself now, right? You're going through, you know, it sounds like the last 18 months of you have been tough, but you haven't hidden away from it. You're being so open with me now. And I really appreciate that. going right back to sports as a youngster. So Strictly, you mentioned Strictly, you take that on as a challenge and you go and win it. And there's also other things we could name that you've achieved or you've done.

10:33I want to know where that comes from, that relentless drive. And although you're very open in how you're saying that you've bounced, you're always coming back, you're always sort of going forwards with curiosity and with drive, the energy's coming off you. Thank you, John. Where does it come from? It's interesting that I've rediscovered being active and being physically fit today and in the last 12 months, because it definitely was something that as a child, as a kid, and I played hockey to an elite level and I played rugby to a high level as well. that was somewhere that I felt, you know, there was the best kind of best version of myself.

11:16And again, that fell away. I love the quote, and I don't know where it comes from, the idea of, can you remember the person who you were before life told you that you were someone else? It's something like that. I've absolutely butchered it, John. I've understood what you meant. And at one point, I just forgot. I totally forgot who I was. You're right. I've always loved challenge. I've always loved work. I think that's where I've discovered this work in progress with the emphasis on the work. I have always loved the idea of I need to feel like I'm continuously driving myself on. I never like sitting back.

11:57There's always something else to conquer, whether out there or in here. And I actually think it probably came back. Everything comes back to childhood, doesn't it? And I found And in my childhood, I was, there were two safe spaces, the sports field and the stage. Those are the two places that if you wanted to find me in my best light, my best me, those are the two spaces that I would, I would occupy. And it's interesting for their reasons and very important reasons as supportive parents, mine were never there. My mom is a devout Christian. Church was a huge thing on a Sunday. sport gets played on a Sunday.

12:41My dad lived in Nigeria. And I think from an early age, I found myself craving attention because I think I felt ignored. I think I felt unconnected. And I found these passions for things that I loved that helped me feel alive. And the people that I cared about most weren't ever there to witness it. So where did your confidence come from? Because confidence to perform on the sports field and particularly confidence to perform on the stage, that takes a lot of backing yourself, if you like. And you didn't have parents cheering you on. So that takes a lot of inner belief. inner belief and confidence i think is separate in this case because i don't think i'm the most confident person in fact i've just come off doing a tv show just now live a different kind of stage very much me it's fully vulnerable and i'm terrified terrified terrified but thriving in it as well no in that case in that space exposed felt vulnerable felt unsupported I on a stage and on a sports field I definitely had a belief that and I think when you feel like you've got an authentic you that is being given the opportunity to thrive that's belief confidence comes from that because you feel the competency growing um and I just felt at home I felt at home in both of those places and I find it really interesting that when it comes to because a lot of people have always wondered where that pivot came from you know I'd spent 10 years in sport broadcasting and now I'm an actor and it confuses a lot of people but as I've come to realize when you're in a team when you're on a sports and when you're in the field of sport you are uh you're a team you are your own individual but you are a part of a broader team you've got a shared goal you're given a role your role is to do this, be the best you and that's going to help everybody else around you to achieve this shared goal.

14:53The other place that exists is on the stage. You're given a role, here's the script, here's what we're going to try and achieve, we're going to try and help people, change people's lives who are going to watch this and in doing so you're going to feel this unbelievable reward. Oh, and here's the thing, once we've given you that, you don't have to fight for your value. That's up to you to make it count. Because in so many other realms, and I've definitely found this in television, your value is based on someone else's perspective. And often the viewer, but often for the people who make it. And if every day your value has been determined by someone else, and you are shape-shifting, people-pleasing, and every single day trying to go, I don't know who I'm supposed to be today, exactly that.

15:50I have no idea who I am, but in those two places, always felt at home. I find that fascinating. And I'd love to actually open up the Strictly part because from going from sports, was there a history of dancing? Not one, John. Other than those wedding dance floors, couple of tequilas down, let's go. So the decision to do that, backing yourself again, the confidence, to put you in the public eye to actually test yourself and see that's an amazing attitude. Well, I felt very fortunate for that to come along because I've known many, many friends who've had annual conversations with that show and never get on.

16:27You're always in the mix, but you never get on. And obviously for talent shows, for television shows, bringing in contestants, it's always about the mix. That was the first conversation I had, and I was immediately on the show. And I had been obsessed with this program for, at the time, what, 14 years? we've had countless people sit here and often in the conversation of what's your dream or what would you love to make happen so i'd love to be on strictly let alone win it yeah and i found myself on this thing that i i'd always kind of i i already had a vision of me being on it despite never having any connection to it when i worked at television center in my children's tv days you would always get this amazing buzz i always described tv center at the time a little bit like Wonka's Factory because when you're looking at it from the outside you've got the fence you've got the gates you're always wondering what happens on the inside it's magical and on Strictly Saturdays you had the audience queuing up there was just an energy buzz around it but it seemed so far away it seemed so impossible who am I I know we're going to get close to that but that didn't stop with kind of pressing my face up against the window of it and kind of dreaming of being there Manifesting it?

17:39I wish I'd manifested it, but it genuinely felt like just a dreamland. And so find yourself in it, you genuinely, you really feel like you're on the inside of a television set. I think it feels like Alice in Wonderland. I got very lucky with the timing of just being given the opportunity to be on it. But then also, no children. I had a situation with my work at the time where I was allowed, basically the contract was when you when you're rejected you come back i never came back or but i guess what i brought into that rehearsal room oh incredible thing not to forget was the most amazing committed

18:24creative teacher that was joanne and immediately we had a connection let's put it into a football context if somebody allowed you 12 weeks to spend with the best footballer in the world let's say cristiano let's not get into the leo messi ronaldo debate right here but for me cristiano ronaldo you've got 12 weeks are you going to take the opportunity lightly or you're going to want to be the best version that you could possibly be joanne had two years before that been crowned the world show dance champion i was dancing with the best in the world and i thought I ain't wasting a single minute with this woman.

19:07So what we had... She'd have loved you as a student, wouldn't she? For that very reason, she'd have felt you. Exactly, from the minute when she was like, what's going on? This guy doesn't even want to take loo breaks. We've got a mission. We took it week by week. We thought, you know, there are better dancers than us, but no one's going to try harder. I've got no aspirations of winning the show. I just don't want to go home. I just don't want to say goodbye. This is the experience that I've dreamed of. And so I guess that total naivety, there was nothing to lose. I was a nobody. Chance to be on the biggest show in the world.

19:43What an amazing... And unbeknownst to me, I'd forgotten, literally this is what I mean about life getting in the way of who you were. I'd forgotten that being on a stage performing was where I felt most at home. And so what you witness for those who are watching and people always wonder about where the tears came from i was discovering a version of me that i had shelved it's all 20 years before and i found myself going hold on a minute this is what i've been wanting to do for my whole adult life and here i'm doing it in front of 12 million people let's go i love that i love the way you articulated that and if we bring that back you know i know you've done who dares wins and all sorts of challenging scenarios but right back to sitting here together and and the sort of last 18 months have obviously been tough what's the challenge you're you're up against now what's the next challenge for you I guess the next challenge is recognizing that the work is never done because there has been such a transformation in the last 12 months I've grown more in the last 12 months than I had done in my entire adult life before.

20:55And so that, like my brain is just fizzing with energy and possibility and excitement, as well as letting the fear and the trepidation and everything that has been a past experience, allowing that to flow through me. But it's really interesting that you should mention about who does wins, because again, Then the opportunity to learn from a group of service personnel who between them had spent a hundred years in the armed forces doing the most impossible job. That is an opportunity that you do not get. People pay thousands of pounds to have that experience. And I guess without knowing what my life was going to look like, I found myself in it, ready to learn and to absorb.

21:41And one of the first lessons that they tell you about is be comfortable with being uncomfortable. And they send you through a lot of uncomfortable places. I thought I was going to die twice, genuinely, on a TV show. And what was remarkable was finding myself on the other side of those experiences, finding things inside me that I had never known existed. finding potential in me that I thought didn't exist because you get pushed to a place that's so discomforting so uncomfortable that you have to find more and it's very interesting that that along with the idea that there is no honor in putting your life ignorantly or as a martyr in front of anybody else's, i.e.

22:39quitting isn't a decision that is made lightly, but there is a point at which you go, at what cost? And both of those lessons were enough for me to go, I think at the moment the cost is me. so if if somebody wants to call it quitting i'm going to call it i've actually saved my life and you're in control of that i'm in control of making that decision running away from fear was probably what was controlling it exactly you can feel that's the that's the it's a very positive vibe even though it's very vulnerable well here's the stoic thing going into every day envisaging that it might be your last it's quite morbid for a lot of people the idea of thinking that if I might die tomorrow or my children might die tomorrow what a morbid thought but actually the positivity that you have when you get another chance when you have another day when you see another opportunity and and if you have and having that approach to go I was ready to lose everything the fact that I have anything my purpose my work my children my family the people that really care about me everything is a great day after that it's because everything you're saying is positive and yet it's interesting because that whole um you know running away from fear and sort of the people i've met and people have sat in that chair that have literally stared death in the face they've beaten death whether it's someone that is you know an ex-sbs uh hero or someone that's been diagnosed with cancer and beaten it they have a look in their eye where they're here because they chose to and whatever they do today this afternoon tomorrow they choose to do it it's intentional exactly and there's nothing more than about that at all they are living they're the most alive people you meet and you've got that about you right now you you are probably more alive right now than at previous times in your life who are you you're a tarot reader that's exactly i'm reading you that's exactly i'm feeding off you i i discovered esther perel from my therapist um about 18 months ago and i started reading a lot of her work and a lot of it, you know, she had, she had parents who were outfit survivors and a lot of her books, a lot of her work is about the idea that in that camp, there were two people.

25:04There were people who wanted not to die and there were people who wanted to live. And those two approaches were very, very different. And while we sit here existing, I found myself in a previous version of my life where I was slowly dying. trying to hold on to everything that was going on, suffocating under the weight of all of the pressure, the expectation, the control you're trying to wrestle from situations and other people dying. At that point, and I haven't said this to too many people, John, but we are men of a certain age. And I was very aware that carry on that way.

25:52I didn't want to be a statistic. Then I was fully aware that if I carried on going down that route, I could see myself going and there's only one way out. But I was aware enough to go, I don't want that to happen. So I need to make some changes. I want to live. I want to be alive. And that was the day I decided to try and save my life. That plays you. You made a conscious effort. I mean, you've recognized that you turned it around and you're a figure of really good health sitting here. You've got a glint in your eye and you're clearly physically in really good shape. Talk to me how you prioritize that.

26:27What is it that actually works for you to keep mentally sharp? And, you know, you've come through so much and you're still going through it. It's a journey, right? And then what do you do to keep it? Do you have a kind of a morning routine that you swear by that's good for your brain? Well, I, yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes. There's a kind of morning routine and a daily routine. I mean, a lot of my choices about how I stay healthy and how I stay relevant, how I stay healthy and how I stay present have kind of changed. There's an intention to pretty much every decision. Difficult touring because it's not easy to cook yourself two or three courses a day.

27:03But yeah, I guess Mel Robbins has been a huge figure in my transformed version of my life. she has a thing where she has a five four three two one count down the five second rule and as soon as i've gotten onto that it was very quick actually i decided the alarm goes off let's go get up there aren't enough hours in the day already and so that was enough of an it was enough of an opportunity for me to change how i started my day and i guess you know i found myself what was it it was May May 2024 I just I found myself approaching 40 and thinking well this is inevitable the knees are creaking the back's going I've got plantar fasciitis everywhere yeah this is just aging isn't it and truth is I I was I went to every physio in the country while I was on a touring job and I just was had no strength I had no strength no lower back strength I had no glute strength.

28:06I had no thigh strength. They looked at my IT bands. They were like, these are shot, mate. And so I began and I just started doing a little bit at the gym. I could barely run nine kilometers an hour for 10 minutes without feeling physically sick. I could do a plank for about 30 seconds. And I just slowly started. Rebuilt. And as I found over the days and the weeks and the months, and I felt the transformation internally, it was nothing about physical. I didn't go, I want a summer body tomorrow. I just felt naturally the endorphins and the chemical that was coming through me just made me think this is so rewarding.

28:50I'm getting stronger. I'm physically getting stronger. And I'm finding myself going through pain, especially on the treadmill and running for me as a bigger kid growing up. was always this kind of Everest that I could never climb. And now I found myself putting myself through a very difficult run, jog, as slow as it started, every day. And finding myself going through that pain barrier daily just built up a resilience. And it became quite addictive in a healthy way. But I was like, if I'm finding myself on the good end of that, maybe I can do a little bit more tomorrow. And quite quickly, I found myself with the formula going, I found a way to create the best version of myself now I did a sports science degree I couldn't tell you anything about the PT routines and and physiology and I only got a two-two John so that's kind of gone in the bin but I knew what was helping me get better in the gym and it really was helping me from a framework perspective internally um and so yeah it just became It wasn't even a choice.

29:53The consistency made it completely habitual. Consistency's the tea though, isn't it? Yeah, and then building that habit. But you're looking fab, showy. Well, thank you. And I guess we've been through a really difficult year. I can feel that. As a family. And I was very ready for that to kick off a new chapter in my life. And it did. And I'm grateful to him for everything that he gave. thus I wasn't prepared to lose my sister that's her necklace around your neck right yeah she's with you now she's been with me every day since John my sister was non-binary they told us in their goodbye letter they've been with me every day since and what my sister did in choosing to find a peace in death that they couldn't find in life, that was strength.

30:59That was courage. And that was brave. And having gone through the last four or five years of their life and hearing about the struggles that they were dealing with physically, emotionally,

31:13well actually my sister did more living in the last five years of their life than the previous 32

31:23and still made a decision that they couldn't carry on in this world what they did for all of us in those last weeks that's given me the strength every day And my responsibility now is to carry that legacy because nothing's hard compared to what my sister went through. So we don't know when our last day is. And the truth is, there isn't time. There isn't time. So I'm going to make the most of every single second I've got left. It makes me feel really privileged to be sat with you now. You decided what you do every time and you come and talk to me. And thank you for sharing that because I know that's, well, incredibly personal, but it's also a key driver of your strength now.

32:10It is. I feel that. Yeah. I really feel that. Thank you. I can't say enough. You know, when you have been through something that puts life into perspective, your whole outlook changes. None of this stuff matters, John. None of it matters. but you can wrestle what is really important back before it's too late and so that's what I'm planning on doing now well I look forward to talking to you connecting with you which I 100 % have in this conversation and I have so enjoyed talking to you you too I don't want it to end but we're running out of time but your vulnerability is so powerful like it's formidable I'm actually genuinely interested and excited to see what you end up going on and doing now because you've done so much.

33:01There are things we've not talked about. Anyone can find out for themselves, right? But we've talked about some of it. But what you go on and do now feels like it's... I'm going to be paying close attention and I'd love to see more of you. I appreciate that. Spend more time with you. I'm in a phase of embracing the uncertainty. I have no idea what's next, but I cannot wait to find out. I have one final question for you. What is your definition of success? Well, that's definitely changed in the last few years. I was going to say that and I thought, I don't need to say that because it's probably changed in the last 12 months.

33:38Well, let me put it this way. If the moment I stopped living in a fear of failing was the beginning of me starting to succeed, I think my definition of success is finding every day, finding your authenticity, channeling and remembering your own value and your self-worth, and really, really leaning and honing in on the things that are most important to you at your core, because nothing else matters. And the minute you start living that authentic life, if you've got that and a whole scoop of self-awareness you're floating you are you are on a different cloud to everybody else and it's it's great being up there so i genuinely don't know what's around the corner um i've got some amazing people that i can't wait to ride that cloud with me i want to be part of that yes i would absolutely love to be part of it.

34:46It's going to be an adventure. Yeah. I'm genuinely excited for you and a massive thank you from me, Aure, for talking to me today. I hope you've enjoyed it. I've loved it. Thank you, mate.