Rob Parsons OBE | Extraordinary Life Stories

0:00John Reynolds:And he said to me a phrase, John, that I've heard hundreds of times from him. It was a hangover his time in care when he was a child. He said, have I done a bad thing? I said, no, you haven't done a bad thing. It's just Dan and I wondered, well, perhaps it was time. And suddenly Diane burst into the room. And she said to me, have you? I said, no. She said, Ronnie, can I borrow Rob a moment? Sure. And she dragged me downstairs into the kitchen, burst into tears. And she said to me, we can't do it. I can't do it.

0:24Rob Parsons:Who is Rob Parsons?

0:25John Reynolds:My life has been a bit of a surprise to me, to be honest, including being here with you now, John. So, so brought up in a little terraced house with no inside toilet, no running hot water, no toilet paper. Hopeless at school. My teacher wrote when I was 14, he's making no use of what little ability he had. I believed that, that I was, I was rubbish. And then a few people came into my life. That changed everything. Ronnie knocks on your door at home, homeless. Yeah.

0:52Rob Parsons:And ends up living with you for, have I got this right, 45? 45 years, yeah. Yeah, without even having got close to what you've achieved and recognized as well you know OBE and we'll come to that but point is that that that kid that was put in that box how did you climb out of it what

1:07John Reynolds:did you do to break out of that box do you know it's remarkable how things happen I think if we've known a measure of success in life the truth is most of us have had a couple of breaks

1:19Rob Parsons:Rob Parsons thank you for joining me no lovely to be here John I've been so enjoying reading researching all about you so now this conversation thank you who is rob parsons my life has been a

1:30John Reynolds:bit of a surprise to me to be honest including being here with you now john so so brought up in a little terraced house with no inside toilet no running hot water no toilet paper don't even ask except even now i can't look at a copy of the southwares echo without a million memories flooding back hopeless at school uh my teacher wrote when i was 14 he's making no use of what little ability he had. And so until I was about 18, I believed that, that I was rubbish. And then a few people came into my life. That changed everything. So I ended up being a senior partner of an 11 office law practice. I formed one of the biggest legal consultancies in the country.

2:05John Reynolds:I used to take the London Hilton Ballroom and fill it with 300 lawyers and talk to them about practice expansion. I've spoken to a million people, governments sometimes, and more blue chip companies across the world you can shake a stick at. And so it's all been a bit of a surprise. I sometimes pinch myself. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but it has. So it's been an interest in life.

2:27Rob Parsons:I find it fascinating that you were effectively told at school that you're thick. So then what you've just done, and that includes being a lawyer, which you can't beat thick. You know, there's an academic element to that, let alone then the fact that, you know, you captivate people from from being an author or from standing on stage to a thousand people that are learning from you now when you reflect on that particular period where someone effectively labeled labeled you thick and then you carry that through how do you feel i feel both happy that it's it's i've

3:00John Reynolds:managed to come through that and terribly sad at the things we do to people you know when my form teacher wp lewis ba is used to sign my report wrote those words in my report no use of what little ability he had. He thought he was just writing with ink on paper, but he wasn't. He made for me a little wooden box called Academic Achievement. And the bottom was rubbish, and the side was no hope, and the top was no ability. And because he was a teacher when I was a kid, I climbed in that box. And I lived there. This is where I belonged. I'd just come 34th out of 34 in my class. And I remember that just two names left.

3:37John Reynolds:I used to read them out, John, beginning with the top, it was a system designed to both honor and humiliate. And we're down to the last two names. I look across at Bernard Harris and Bernard looks at me and Bernard shrugs his shoulders. And then I hear Bernard's name and 33 sets of eyes turn to look at the stupidest kid in the class. And I lived in that box for years, but we're not meant to live in the boxes other people make for us. And we're not meant to make boxes for other people. So I am both happy. I've had an incredible life and a little bit angry, to be honest, that the messages we

4:08Rob Parsons:sometimes give each other i can feel that passion off you and and you know without even having got close to what you've achieved and recognized as well you know obe and we'll come to that but point is that that that kid that was put in that box how did you climb out of it what did you do to break

4:24John Reynolds:out of that box do you know it's remarkable how things happen i think if we've known a measure of success in life we kind of think we're pretty good the truth is most of us have had a couple of breaks We've met people who've changed our lives. And so I'm 15, 16. I'm about to drop out of school. I'm walking down the road. I got ice blue jeans on, an Elvis Presley style haircut, 10 embassy cigarettes in my back pocket. And all I want to do is be a rock and roll singer. And coming towards me is an elderly man from a little church on the corner of my street. And he says to me, it's Robert, isn't it?

4:56John Reynolds:And I say, yes. He said, well, Robert, he said, my wife and I are going to start a little discussion group for teenagers. Now, Arthur and Margaret were poor. they lived in two rooms in his mother's house. They were told they couldn't have kids of their own. He'd never pass an academic exam, but they used to work with teenagers, a little church on the corner of my street. He said, would you like to come on Wednesday night? John, when all you want to do is be a rock and roll singer and go on the stage in Las Vegas, that little discussion group is not the greatest stuff you've ever had. But I said, yes.

5:25John Reynolds:And one day when I was about 16, he said, I think God has given you a gift of public speaking and I'm going to teach you. That was scary. He was the worst public speaker you've ever heard in your life. And he taught me to teach stories to the kids in the little Sunday school. John, when I was 38, the Law Society of England and Wales asked me to be a keynote speaker in Vienna in front of 1 ,000 lawyers at their big conference. And before I went on stage, I rang Arthur. He lived in a little prefabricated house in the north of Cardiff. And I said, Arthur, I'm about to go on stage, 1 ,000 lawyers out there.

5:58John Reynolds:He said, oh, my, that's scary. I said, Arthur, yes, sir. You taught me to do this. Did I? I was with him just before he died. He was practically comatose. I remember putting my lips next to his ear. And I said, Arthur, thank you. You changed my life. And I kissed him. So people like that change this thing.

6:20Rob Parsons:And I guess there's a timing element to that as well. The young lad at 15, 16. I'm just quietly thinking how different your life could have been if that moment hadn't happened. And it did. And I love the humility and I love the respect that you've brought him into the story of the conversation now. And there's an element of, there's so much actually about what you're doing now, about giving back. And I want to come to the story of Ronnie. Ronnie knocks on your door at home, homeless, and ends up living with you for, have I got this right, 45 years? 45 years, yeah. Now, we've had a chat off camera about the fact that you've only realised since he's died, how unusual that is.

7:00Rob Parsons:how unique and I think we should open that up but I want to know how much of the the lad that was helped at 15 and saw that that help shaped your life has then wanted to help others and give back

7:13John Reynolds:yeah well I think it did so what happens is Dan and I've been married about three or four years we didn't have kids and there's a knock on the door near Christmas and we're about to ignore it because I've just given a bunch of money to a kid who'd murdered once in World David City I I wasn't going to give any more. But eventually I go, there's a man standing there. He's homeless. He's got a black plastic bag with all his worldly possessions in his right hand and a frozen chicken in his left hand. And he used to come to our little Sunday school with the kids. And then the local authority sent him away to a school, disgracefully described as for subnormal boys.

7:45John Reynolds:And he kind of dropped out of our lives. And now he's almost 30 and he's homeless. And I said, it's Ronnie, isn't it? What's with the frozen chicken? He said, somebody gave it to me for Christmas. I said, come on in. I'm sure Dan will cook the chicken for you. And Dan made him a meal. And then she gestured for me to go in the other room. And she said to me, what are we going to do? And I said, what do you mean? Well, she said, it's Christmas.

8:08Rob Parsons:Are we talking like actual Christmas?

8:10John Reynolds:Yeah, it's two days before Christmas. And she said, let's clear up the guest bedroom, ask him to stay tonight. And I remember going in. We settled him in front of the Coronation Street. and I went into him and he hated pulling himself away from the rover's return and I said Ronnie would you like to stay with us tonight and he said fine and he stayed with us that night and over Christmas and he never left he lived with us for 45 years and yes John I do think you're right there was something about the way people had touched my life and suddenly this man is there and I don't recommend what we did it's not a great not a great idea for everybody but for us it was right and actually it changed ronnie's life as well it's an amazing story i'm i'm thinking

8:55Rob Parsons:about how many people will be watching and listening and heart-worned by this and your generosity you know there's there's the time element there's the financial element there's the fact that someone's life again completely changed you know god knows where ronnie would have ended up if you'd shut the door on him yeah he would not show him generosity and then there's the question that comes to me of like well i'd like to do that you know my circumstances are different i have two teenage daughters so there's a there's an extra security element how how well did you know ronnie from sort of seeing him around and and effectively he was a stranger he was i want to know how sort of other people's response were to you at the time and you know also how the journey was like it can't have all been smooth sailing having a someone live with you it was

9:42John Reynolds:really hard and Diane bore lots of it. Yeah, we did half know him but he was in many ways a total stranger, of course. And in fact, when he'd been with us a short time, he got a job as a dustman. He was a dustman for 29 years. So I lived in this really nice house, had a nice car and at four o 'clock every day this dustbin lolly would turn up outside and Ronnie would jump off and come into our home. And I remember when he first got the job I used to drop him off at the dust yard before I went into the law practice. And I'd get home at night, John, and he'd be sat in a chair smiling. And I'd say, Ronnie, what are you smiling at every night when I come home?

10:20John Reynolds:Robbie said, when you take me to work in the mornings. The other men say, who's that brings you to work in the fancy car? And I say, oh, that's my lawyer. And I thought a lot about that. I don't think he was proud of being taken to work by a lawyer, but he never had a mother take him first day of school. Never had a dad say when he was 11, and how'd it go in the big school today? And now at last, somebody's at the gate. And John, I've come to believe no matter how much power or money or prestige we've had, and I've had a little of some of that, we all need somebody at the gate. But you're right, there were very, very hard times.

10:54Rob Parsons:It's 45 years. Do you ever have a moment where you had to have a chat with Diane about perhaps not doing it anymore or ask him to leave?

11:01John Reynolds:Kate, my daughter, Katie, we had two kids. Katie was about 10. And we had quite a big house, but we only had one bathroom. and Dan said to me, darling, she said, I think it's honestly time for Ronnie to find a little place. Kate's going up to be a young woman. We'll still be part of our family. I said, darling, he's been abandoned all his life. She said, don't give me a hard time. I just think it's right. And we talked about it. And one Sunday night, I went up to give him the news. And he used to love watching John Wayne movies. So I went up to his room and I could hear the gunfight going on the OK Corral.

11:31John Reynolds:And I knock his door and he turns and he said to me a phrase, John, that I've heard hundreds of times from him. It was a hangover his time in care when he was a child. He said, have I done a bad thing? I said, no, you haven't done a bad thing. It's just Dan and I wondered, well, perhaps it was time. And suddenly Diane burst into the room. And she said to me, have you? I said, no. She said, Ronnie, can I borrow a rob a moment? Sure. And she dragged me downstairs into the kitchen, burst into tears. And she said to me, we can't do it. I can't do it. And John, I don't know whether he'd overheard us talking about the possibility of his leaving or when you push from pillar to post as a kid you develop a sixth sense but a couple of nights afterwards he knocked on our door and he said can I talk to you both sure take a seat I haven't done a bad thing I said Ronnie what is it we three are firm friends aren't we yes Ronnie we three are firm friends and we'll be together forever, won't we?" Johnny's question hung in the air for far too long and finally Diane gave me the slightest of nods and I said, yes, Ronnie, we'll be together forever.

12:37John Reynolds:And we were. That was probably a commitment then from you both that you were going to see that through. There was no way he would be. And he was with you until he died.

12:44Rob Parsons:He was with you until he died.

12:45John Reynolds:Do you know, I wish I could tell you this happened 40 years before it went, but it didn't. It happened about three years before he died. I said to Diane one day darling I don't think Ronnie's ever had anyone tell him they love him and you know when he pops his head around the door at night and says goodnight I'm going to say I love you Ronnie and I did and he would mumble something back and during Covid he had a stroke during the Covid pandemic and we couldn't go to the hospital with him and I can remember him going into the ambulance now on his own he looked lonely, distraught and I yelled I love you Ronnie and he shouted back I love you and then we were called to the hospital and he was in a side room and all the tubes that had been in his body the day before were gone, just a single oxygen line.

13:27And we sat in the darkness and I hugged him and I said,

13:31John Reynolds:I love you, Ronnie. And suddenly Diane got up from her chair and she lay next to him, put her head next to him, and she began singing a little song that we used to sing in Sunday school that Ronnie would have sung because he came a little bit to our Sunday school with kids and she sang to him, Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. little ones to him belong they are weak but he is strong and over and over again in the darkness she sang it and then finally he was gone wow um and just after his funeral we were in the crematorium just outside for a moment alone it's a beautiful september day and she said to me do you remember that question he asked you that night i said yes i do he said we'll be together forever won't we and I said yeah and you said yes well you were right and he became part of our family the kids have ever known never known life without Ronnie never known it they've gone with kids of their

14:26Rob Parsons:own and I can tell you miss him as well you know it's a long long time it's a heartwarming story it's absolutely heartwarming and and again so unusual when as human beings we crave social connection and there are so many people alone whether it's Ronnie who was actually homeless or people that have got a lovely home around them but live on their own and are actually really lonely. And I'm just wondering whether there's a sort of a conversation about the fact that you made that work and more people could do that. And of course, you know, I have heard you say I wouldn't recommend it. I wouldn't recommend it.

14:58John Reynolds:Why not? Well, well, that was by any standards, that was extreme and possibly dangerous. I do understand. I understand that. But for us, it worked and we would do it all again. But you know what? We can do something. there's somebody near us who was who's lonely who just not you know after he died a little old lady from down the road came and said i'm sorry to hear that ronnie's died do you know he used to come after my husband and put my bins out every friday night and when he went up to the co-op he he would he would get me some some stuff for it and he did that for me and that's ronnie that's the community that's ronnie yeah ronnie used to help our church had a homeless center and ronnie used to go and help every Sunday night wash the dishes in the back and one night he came back and I said where are your new shoes he had this old pair of trainers on with holes in he said I gave them to some homeless guy the thought John of a homeless man literally walking around in Ronnie Lockwood shoes is too ironic you couldn't write it so so we can all do something what feedback and if any sort of

16:03Rob Parsons:feelings of judgment did you get not just from when you took Ronnie in but during the time you There must have been people around you that gave you various feedback.

16:10John Reynolds:I mean, do you know what? We lived in a very lovely home. I was in my early 30s. I was seeing a part of a big law practice. For goodness sake, at last we had an inside toilet. We had more inside toilets. We lived in a lovely home. And one day, when we'd shortly moved in, there was a knock on the door. I opened it. There's a woman there. She's mid-60s. She's got blue rinsed hair. And she said, I'm the chairman of the residence committee. Welcome to the street. And so she gave me some flowers. And I said, thank you. She said, do you mind me asking you a question? No, no, no. Every day about four o 'clock, a dustbin lorry turns up outside your house.

16:43John Reynolds:And a dustman gets off and he walks up your drive and goes, who is that? Oh, I said, that would be Ronnie. What, does he live with you? Yes, this is Ronnie's home. Well, will he be with you forever? Well, I don't know, but this is his home. And she said, how sweet. But we never heard from her again. So I don't, but I don't expect people to understand. You know, this, it's just for us, it was okay. And Ronnie was at once the most frustrating man to live with in the world and the easiest. He had some educational challenges, but he was a lovely man.

17:17Rob Parsons:He loved to give. At the heart of what I think you're passionate about and myself, Extraordinary Life Stories, is storytelling. Yeah. And you're now, you know, you came in with a case and various people that you're effectively traveling the country with, talking about that part of your kind of journey and story and also the journey about you being an author and it's all the other things you've done that all come together. When did you feel that the sort of the desire, if you like, to start telling your story and the stories that are all intertwined?

17:48John Reynolds:When I was about 21, I was giving a talk to a group of teenagers and there was a guy at the back listening and he was a young lawyer. He just started his own law practice and And he came to me and he said, you're pretty good on your feet. So I said, oh, Arthur Tovey taught me. And he said, well, I got to know Arthur. He went to the little church that we were into. He said, Rob, I've just started a law practice. I said, yes, I did. He said, well, I'm going to join my law practice and become a solicitor. And I'll pay for you to go to law school. John, it was as if somebody was talking to me from another planet.