Roxie Nafousi ‘Manifest’ | Extraordinary Life Stories

0:10On this episode, I'm speaking to Roxy Nafusi. Roxy is a renowned wellness expert, bestselling author, and speaker who has dedicated her career to empower individuals to achieve their full potential. As the author of the best-selling book, Manifest, Seven Steps to Living Your Best Life, Roxy has gained a global following for her practical and transformative approach to personal development. Through her workshops, retreats and online platforms, she guides people on a journey of self-discovery, helping them to cultivate mindfulness, build resilience and manifest their deepest desires. Having read her books and been a big fan of her work, I'm pretty sure I manifested this interview.

0:54So let's get into it. Roxy. Oh, hello. Thank you for joining me. Thank you. So happy to be here. I've been looking forward to this. I think I've manifested it somehow. I love that. Tell me, who is Roxy Nafusi? Oh, I am a mum, mum to a little boy. I'm a self-development coach. I'm a manifesting expert, an author, a speaker and just a woman who is on a mission to try and make people feel better feel happier, feel more empowered and leave the world a happier place and then I entered it What a mission to have and quite a few plates spinning there by the sound of it Where did it all start? Take it back to young Roxy and the kind of who and what were your influences so I had battled with addiction to cocaine and alcohol for about 10 years when I was 28 I would say I hit rock bottom and throughout you know accompanying the addiction was depression which I'd suffered from really since I was about 12 but you know people weren't talking about mental health then and at that point of hitting rock bottom I discovered this thing called manifestation.

2:09And I went away and I started looking into it, but not actually just into manifesting, but I was starting to listen to all great thinkers, philosophers, speakers, and really immerse myself into the whole world of self-development. And I began my own sort of healing journey. And I was very inspired by people like Brené Brown. I had watched her called Courage on Netflix. I love Tony Robbins. And then I love people like Wayne Dyer, you know, even Mo Gowda, who I know you know, Jay Shetty. I just really love the fact that there were these individuals that were inspiring people through their voice and making a real impact on the world.

2:52And so I decided that I wanted to use all my own experiences and all my pain to do the same, to be of service to others. It gave me a purpose. And so the first thing I started was doing inspirational speaking. So I set up, I did my first workshop in 2019 to 100 people in an old church. I fed 200 pounds for the room, which for me was like a big risk, you know, at the time. and I wasn't ready by any means. I wasn't good. I was young and inexperienced, but I wanted to give it a go and I did and I stepped aside my comfort zone and I guess it all took off from there. So you followed a passion there.

3:36So it sounds like you literally hit the bottom, as you say, to then be, it sounds like naturally curious to go and seek knowledge and positivity. All those names you mentioned, they're positive people. They have spent time on themselves to then have a mission to help others, which sums you up, right? But there's lots of people that I could imagine have done that. I've gone on the self-development route, and then I haven't necessarily gone to then want to talk to a room full of people or in any way made a success out of helping people. Because that's key. There's an entrepreneurial journey there.

4:10So that room booking, putting yourself out of your comfort zone, to then have a vision to go the route you've gone, was there any thought behind that? Were you just winging it as you went, full of the passion you were finding? You know when you watch a film or read a book and you want to share it? Is that where you were? And then you grew into the whole, I've got a feel for this, I could write a book and so on. Do you know what I mean? Definitely. I mean, I had sort of two things that were driving me at the time. One was that I was driving away from pain. Like I never wanted to be in that place again.

4:39And I wanted to make something of my life. I wanted a career. I wanted to have enough money to support my family because I was with someone who didn't have money. I didn't have any at the time. So that was driving me, driving away from something. But I also knew that being of service to others was going to be my mission. And the way I knew that was because when I was pregnant, I went through my dark soul of the night, let's call it. It was the worst time of my life. I stopped leaving the house. I mean, the self-loathing was out of control. I mean, I couldn't look in the mirror. I couldn't. It was horrendous.

5:14It was so hard to be alive in that time. But what I was doing was every Sunday and I'd started it a week before I was a week before I found out I was pregnant. It's every Sunday I did something called Agni Aunt Sundays on my Instagram stories. I don't know what kind of gave me the idea in the first place, but I asked people to tell me their dilemmas and I'd give them some advice. and every Sunday I had this reason to be outside of myself you know to not be thinking about my own problems I was helping other people and it gave me a sense of purpose and that was like the thread that pulled me through that pregnancy I love that's like a therapy yeah therapy for you by helping other people absolutely absolutely I think being of service to others is so people underestimate the the impact it has not just on doing good for others but on our own self-esteem our own confidence um our own sense of purpose you know so i became a very powerful driver for me yeah but i don't think i at the beginning yeah it it wasn't that i had this great plan i just knew i wanted to make something of myself and i knew that i wanted to help people and then it kind of flowed but you know I was always experimenting with different ways I could share my message you know and I yeah so it was there was some drive but it wasn't like planned so the entrepreneurial journey wasn't mapped out but what's key is confidence and manifesting seem to go hand in hand and when you were in your dark period from pregnancy point of view and you sort of the voices in your head that's something that I wanted to sort of really open up because I have that.

6:55I have a constant battle. It's like we're all so capable. You can read that anyway. You can hear that from anywhere and draw inspiration from people that are killing it, like yourself, just doing so well. But actually, there's a voice that you've got to manage. And so that goes hand in hand with manifesting because you can manifest something you really don't want because you're thinking it. And that could be from a point of fear or from an aspirational, motivational point of view, and then you go after your goal. How do you control the voices in your head? well you know it's true i think that you know it's really important to note that the kind of biggest secret of manifesting is that we manifest what we subconsciously believe we are worthy of receiving so you're totally right that manifesting and confidence are so intertwined because you know you can think about your great big plans or your goals or your dreams but if you don't believe in your core that you're worthy of having them you won't be able to manifest them which really just means you won't be able to make it happen you know and so being able to change where we feel about ourselves and change our beliefs that we hold about ourselves is integral and part of our beliefs are made up from the things that we say to ourselves our inner critic and actually in my new book which is coming out at the end of march confidence eight steps to knowing your worth i talk about that we have an inner heckler and an inner cheerleader and i describe it as like if you were to go on stage as a comedian and you've got people booing you telling you to get off saying your jokes are shit you know you are going to it will um deflate you your performance will not be as good so it's a whole it's a whole juggling right and you can't you can't perform your best if you've got someone constantly telling you you're no good you're you know you want to get off stage and you'll want to like just give up whereas if you've got the audience there and they're laughing at all your jokes they're encouraging you they're nodding then actually your performance is going to improve as a result.

8:50And what we're doing is we're going around life with this inner heckler, with this voice inside our head, just being like, you're going to mess it up. It's not going to work. You can't do it. And actually we have to take ownership of that voice. And that starts really with awareness. It's being aware of that inner critic and then making a conscious choice every day to override that with a more empowering voice. Being present voice I call it it's just like you know what makes you think you can do that that's not going to work and then you've got this like you say it's this whole like another voice saying yeah you can you will you know what what can I do what can someone else do to start building a habit putting coping mechanisms in place and building that confidence that becomes steps to ultimately manifesting what you actually want well I think in terms of steps to kind of overcome the inner critic there's it's It's little ways that you can rewire your way of thinking because thoughts are habitual as well.

9:49So they're just on a loop almost. So it's about being able to override them. So there's a few different things you can do. You can use positive affirmations. Affirmations are a great, really easy tool. So let's say that you recognize that whenever you're going into meetings, you start saying, oh, God, you're going to mess up. You're not going to get it right. They're going to ridicule you. They're going to think you're no good. That's when you can just use an affirmation which you have up your sleeve, which could be something like, I'm confident. and sure of myself. Are you saying that out loud?

10:17In your head. You can say it in your head. You absolutely don't need to be, you know, there's an idea, I think you have to say affirmations in the mirror, looking at yourself. Write them down, all this stuff. No, you can just say it in your head. Not everyone's confident enough to do it. You might get to that, or you might not need to. I just wanted to know you can do that. Most people feel silly when they say an affirmation. And if you do, it's even more a sign that you need it. So let's say whenever I go on stage, if I start to think I'm nervous, I'll immediately say to myself something to oppose that thought.

10:42So I'll say, I'm so excited. to share my message. And when you keep saying it to yourself, your subconscious will basically trust that it's true or believe it's true. It finds it very hard to differentiate a truth from a lie. And then you will start to find evidence to support those things you're telling yourself. So instead of looking for evidence to support the fact that you believe that you're no good or that people don't like you or whatever it is, instead you'll start to look for evidence to, you know, provide proof that actually you are like the good things are are working out and so it's really important and that's all because of our cognitive biases you know we're trying to focus attention on what we um we we seek out what we're paying attention to essentially yeah i love that and i think it's almost like the watering of the weeds water the flowers you know if you're pouring the water on the weeds which i'm quite good at sometimes you're going to watch them grow and the flowers are shriveling up like switch the attention so it's a conscious very conscious very kind of present mindset that you build.

11:42So in terms of actual manifesting stories, I imagine you had your own journey, you started to see your own success, your own community building from that first room you filled. It must have had a lovely feeling of I'm onto something. How have you then gone about your own manifesting goals that you've set yourself that you then achieved to go on and kind of do other things? What actually works for you in terms of putting those things in place and setting those goals out? Well, I really live and breathe the seven steps to manifesting that I have laid out in my books. So I'll just kind of name the titles really quickly.

12:21But step one is be clear in your vision. So I'm very good at being specific about my goals and what I want and what I want to achieve by writing them down on the vision board or doing regular visualization meditations. Step two is remove fear and doubt. So I'm constantly working on my self-worth on my healing journey step three is align your behavior that's all about taking action stepping outside your comfort zone using forward momentum showing up as the is the future you and I love this because I think that we can use our future self or our higher self as our decision maker so when we think about you know the person that we want to become we know likely they're more confident they have better boundaries they probably have better routine they're probably you know treat themselves with more respect hopefully yeah yeah and it's about asking yourself how can i show off as that person today and i think that's a really nice easy tool you can do it when you're deciding whether you should go to the gym this morning or whether you should go and have dinner with that friend that you always leave feeling worse about yourself afterwards so you can use your future self as your decision maker which i love um step four is overcome test from the universe this is just about how you overcome challenges rejection obstacles and how you allow them to actually give you value and meaning and you persist through them rather than letting them defeat you.

13:41Step five is all about embracing gratitude. I think developing an attitude of gratitude and a positive mindset is just so incredibly life-changing. I think it changes your whole experience of the world. It makes you feel more happier, more content. And I do believe that when we are in a more you know when we already feel that we have enough the universe provides us more you know we attract more abundance to it step six is turn envy into inspiration and step seven is trust in the universe and I follow these seven steps I don't it's not something I pick up and leave it's just a way of living yeah but they're all key things at certain times that are prompts or habits that help you envy is an interesting one ego and comparison social media so you use social media as a force for good you inspire people you give knowledge so this will be said not only on tv but on social media i have two daughters 13 and 15 growing up that are living in fear of being bullied and putting stuff out on social media and this is a relatively new thing you've got your own relationship but there are people that are 20 years on us and never had to deal with this if that makes sense.

15:01What advice would you give to someone that is trying to follow those steps but just can't get past that whole I'm not comfortable putting myself out there for fear of rejection because it's a tribal thing isn't it? Yeah. I think there's two parts of that question because I think part of it is about fear of judgment and part of it is about how we can use social media and things that we can do to prevent it from causing us so much sort of anxiety. I think that, you know, for me with social media, you know, I say in my first book, it's a playground for comparison. You know, it's like fertile soil for envy to grow.

15:36And I think that it's really important that we understand that we do have some control over what we see. So not everything, but we can control our feeds. We can control who we follow, who we mute, And I have in plenty of times in my life where, I mean, insecurity, envy is the loudest or comparison is the loudest in places where we feel most insecure. So I know, for example, or I knew back then that there were certain things about myself I felt very insecure about. So I would be very triggered by certain people who excelled in those areas that I felt I was lacking. So I knew to me those people.

16:15And it wasn't me being rude. It wasn't me being that I couldn't be happy for them. It was just really knowing what was good for me and my mental health. So definitely mute people, definitely follow people. And we need to, when we're using social media, be really aware of how we're feeling when we come off it and how we're feeling when we're taking in content. It might be that if we're consuming too much news on social media, it's leaving us feeling dejected and deflated and sad. So it's just being really honest about how we're feeling on it. Conscious. Yeah. So not allowing yourself to be dropped down a level.

16:50Yeah, and just mindlessly scrolling. So actually scroll mindfully and just be conscious of what it is you're taking in. Talking mindfully and kind of the overarching mental health conversation, relating that to yourself. So you found something you got so passionate about that you flourished and thrived with not just the kind of manifesting, but the confidence side of things now with the new book coming out. What do you do personally that kind of repairs your kind of mental health when you're flying around busy and physically as well? Because we know that keeping physically fit keeps your mind fit.

17:27But you're so busy and you're a mum and so how do you make the time and what works for you? Number one is sleep. Like I really care about my sleep. I have to have eight hours. so I will go to bed if I'm waking up at five I will go to bed at nine like p.m and be asleep so even if I want to go to bed at 8 30 sometimes if my body is tired I'll do it so yeah listening to your body I do yeah and I and I don't go to bed late and I think that if somebody asked me the day like oh how do you how do you do all of it I'm like well I just sleep really well so I have the energy to do it if I was trying to do everything I'm doing and then I also had a really busy social life I think I would be struggling and the truth is socializing isn't top of my priority I love my job I love my family that's my priority at the moment there might be a time in my life again anyway I partied enough for 10 years I just feel like I don't need any more no so I think part of it is sleep um little finding things that I know make me feel my like my most um energized so things like electrolytes have changed my life as of late you're not the first person to say that to me I'm obsessed with them I've spent a lot of money on supplements and doctors and trying to figure out what will give me the most energy and electrolytes has honestly been a game changer for me interesting meditation so finding moments for stillness even if it's two to three minutes of deep breathing is enough to just help me make sure that I'm staying centered I created a daily journal which is like two minutes in the morning and two in the evening and I've been doing that every day but I think when it comes to you know things that make you feel good I think there is a danger that people hear people saying I have this routine I have this and people like it freaks people out and they think it intimidates yeah and it makes them think it needs to be an hour you know of you know an ice bath and a hot sauna and this and things that are not really attainable for most people it doesn't need to be like that it can be I talk about bookending your day so what are three things in the morning and three things in the evening that will just make you feel good and it doesn't have to be this big wellness fad it could just be that you have your morning coffee you know and you enjoy it and that's one of your morning things it could be that you just have a really long hot shower with your favorite you know bath like shower products whatever it is it doesn't matter it's just making sure that you're doing a few things morning and night that make you feel good yeah i love that i've got a question to you around the difference between visualization and manifesting.

19:58And I'll relate that to me a little bit, where as a youngster, I had posters on my wall of sports cars, Ferraris, and I wanted to have one, but I had no idea what I wanted to do at school. I was surrounded by people that were saying, I want to be a doctor, I want to be a pilot. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I obviously put these pictures, the way it started, posters and then cutting magazines up and putting pictures up on the wall. And for me, that's visualization. I really want to have one. That's what I want to be around. the manifesting side of things for me sounds like it's more about how am I going to make it happen?

20:29Is that how you would differentiate? Because when I was listening to you earlier talking about manifestations, the future self, I love that because you're seeing yourself. That's what I want to be, what I want to have, how I want to be. Is that the difference between visualisation and manifesting? One is seeing it, I'd like that, and then it's like working at how to get there. Yeah, I think visualization is really one step or one part of the manifesting process. So that's my step one, be clear in your vision. So visualization is a really powerful tool. And the way it works is that when we regularly visualize our goals, we prime our subconscious to help us reach those goals by filtering out unwanted information and seeking out opportunities that are aligned with those goals.

21:12So essentially, we're sort of getting our subconscious to do the work for us and to help us reach those goals. And obviously we know that so many athletes have, you know, talked about the power of visualization. And I was actually talking to Dr. Tara Swart on my podcast recently. And she said that what she does before she does big talks, when she goes on stage, she'll ask for a photo of the space. And she'll visualize herself doing the talk before she does it. And the reason being because your subconscious feels safe and what's familiar. so if you when you she would then go on stage because she's already visualized it it feels familiar to her subconscious so she won't spike her cortisol she won't feel the stress and she will deliver a better performance so there is lots of science behind the power of visualization but manifesting is much more than that you know that is step one there's another six steps to go and as you say it is about it was about doing the inner work it's about doing the work that you need to do and yeah it's about taking aligned action and I think that manifesting gets a bad reputation because people think that it's just about sitting and visualizing what you want when it's not and I can probably even though I was a kid that cut pictures up and put posters on the wall there was a disconnect about how I'm going to get there and I would say that you know in the same way on your smile but Wim Hof has made cold therapy and breathing a brand it's cool it's it's now something that I'm doing I have a cold shower every morning and it's because of Wim Hof I understand manifesting now because of you because of your books because of your talks mentioned went to the high performance and suddenly once they was a surprise right and then you could see you could feel the vibe everyone was learning from me because I think that element of if you think it, it's going to happen.

22:59And a lot of people wrote manifesting off, it's woo woo, it's old kind of wise tales. You made it real. Would you agree with that? And you built a brand out of manifesting. You're the manifesting queen, if you like. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I suppose so. I think that, you know, I really wanted to explain to people what manifesting really was because, you know, when the book came out or when I first started talking about it, most people on my social media hadn't heard of the term and those that had didn't know what it meant it seems wild now because everybody has heard of manifesting now at least to some capacity because you know it was just the 2024 cambridge dictionary word of the year you know so it is wild to think even a few years ago but manifesting comes in and out of kind of consciousness i would say so but it's been around forever you know and i think even you know sitting can grow rich by napoleon hill is you know over 100 years old.

23:56He didn't break it down. But yeah, that wasn't the understanding. He didn't make it real, didn't make it relatable. That's the thing. I think that's what you've done for me, which is why I was so looking forward to this conversation because whether I've read your books or heard you talk, you know, it's about relating that to my life. What would you say to someone that is listening to this, watching this and has heard everything you've already said but still says, you know, it's not for me. It won't work for me. That could be someone that's a bit stuck in life or it's just old school and it's like that's not going to work what would you say to that I always say to people I mean firstly look I'm not here to convince someone who doesn't want to change their lives I think you can't you force someone into it but if a part of you wants to feel better in your life feel happier feel um more fulfilled feel more content feel that you have more joy in your life then I think it's about recognizing and making a choice and knowing that there are lots of things in your life you can't control, but the things that you can, you should, and you can control your mindset.

24:59You can control the way you view things. And even though that can feel really challenging, it is absolutely possible. And I know because I've done it and I've watched hundreds of thousands of other people do it too. You've got conclusive evidence, right? Yeah. I've seen it. Exactly. And I think, you know, I always say, look, I challenge anyone to read my book. And I don't mean this because it's my book. I just, I really do challenge anyone to read it and not see a positive change because it's so obvious I haven't written anything that is extraordinary really it's so obvious that if you start to think about what you want you start to believe in yourself you start to take aligned action towards it and you you know and you embrace gratitude if you just do those things of course you're going to see a positive change and the book has so many actionable tools to actually help you do those things as well yeah I get that a lot of people will potentially be wanting to manifest to be successful.

25:54If we look at yourself from those that from that really dark time to then elevating yourself to best-selling author, flat out putting your whole message out there, public speaking, you're successful. How do you define success now? I think you know success is to me feeling successful is feeling confident like that feeling that I can walk into a room unapologetically myself and feel in my power in my personal power is a feeling I never thought I would have and for that I feel successful every day it's not really because of you know the book titles or the also or selling out whatever I love that because it's a feeling it's not a thing it's not a shiny object it's not I want to be on stage to a hundred thousand people one day it's the fact that if I can consistently feel confident yeah that's brilliant yeah it's there's nothing better than that the thing is if you don't work on the way you feel about yourself.

27:05It doesn't matter what you achieve. It won't be enough for you. You will always change the goalpost because what you're looking for is to fill a hole, to fill a void. And nothing will ever do that. And so, yes, manifesting goals is great because we need to feel that we're moving towards something. And I think forward momentum is important for our mental health. But reaching those goals isn't what's going to make you happy. It's actually you're going to find that happiness on the journey by finding a destination exactly you exude that exactly i love that it's inspiring yeah there's there's a there's a super confident without being arrogant without without any ego uh you know there's there's a whole thing there that sort of makes you think that at certain times in life that's been the exact opposite when you hit the bottom and all that the journey to that what would you tell a young voxie someone that's stuck someone that's you know either hitting the bottom and really really struggling for motivation and inspiration what would you say to them now with everything you know oh I think I I mean the one thing I want would want to say to my younger self and I want to say to everyone is you know I think the problem is the problem we all most of us share is that we there's one fundamental thing we believe and that's that we're not enough as we are and I think that that's what I believed I didn't think I was enough as I was and I I thought everybody else was except me I can relate to that yeah and and it's so interesting because even hearing you talk about you've mentioned that you know you felt insecure or you've had that inner critic I would never suspect it looking at you or meeting you and I think hiding it yeah I've put a mask on for years in in different you can't hide here I'm thoroughly present and enjoying this but there's been a version of me that has definitely been really struggle with that in the voice yeah I think it's a universal kind of exactly we can all connect to that experience we all know what that feels like but the truth is we are all enough as we are and it's just about unconditioning ourselves to realize that to go back to that childlike state I feel in many ways you know on my own journey I've come back to the confidence I was born with you know it's not that it went in fact it was always there it was just hidden with insecurity and buried away and now it's about unlocking it there's something there right because you've written this new book coming out eight steps to confidence you've written a children's manifesting book yeah we're both parents so much of that um creative stimulation behavior in kids seems to get stifled and trampled on through school years, through life getting a bit more serious, and obviously social media plays a part of it.

29:56What inspired you to write the children's books? Because for me, that's such a massive initiative to start those habits young. And of course, it also helps to educate parents as well. Yeah, oh, definitely. Well, I think that, you know, I just said that, you know, all of us feel not enough. And where did it come from? Our childhood, you know, it really did. And I think that I feel immense compassion towards young people because kids have so many emotions and such extreme emotions and so many of them in one day. And they don't know how to process them and what to do with them. And I think that it's really hard being a kid.

30:33And I wanted to give them tools to understand their emotions. Step one of their steps is about understanding emotions. What do you do when you're feeling guilty or worried or fearful? and introducing them to things like affirmations. And then there's a step on self-belief and then gratitude and goal setting. And I just think that if you can set kids up with tools that will help them develop a resilient mindset. Resilience is key, right? Yeah, I think that we're going to do them a lot of good. And I think resilience is key because a lot of us as parents are parenting very differently to how our parents parented us.

31:11and I definitely worry I think well am I giving Wolf no resilience because I'm so conscious of like validating him and you know I'm like is it too much like I've never raised my voice at him and how could it be yeah is that is that I just don't have it too often so actually it's fine building resilience in them with another way we don't have to put them through hardship to get them strong we can build their resilience in a in a different way no well said and it's amazing what you've done there so back to you i'm conscious of time so i i you know you've kindly said you've written this new book but you've already done that that's ready to go what are you manifesting and what what would be your sort of north star of something you would still love to achieve that you haven't done yet god that is nothing there is nothing on my mind that i have been thinking about i would say for the last year if you had you'd have done it right yeah do you know for the last year i haven't had a uh like and a lot of people could say to me you know because I am, what are you manifesting?

32:06I said, well, I don't, nothing really because to me manifesting is a way of living and I'm living in an abundant mindset. I'm working on myself and I just trust that more abundance is coming and that things are just going to continue and in the right direction. Even when there's challenges along the way, there's going to, there's rejections, but actually I'm not defeated by those things because I know something better is coming. So it's - You're practicing your own steps of confidence as well, right? You feel like you're in an aura. There's a glow about you right now where without again being arrogant i can do anything yeah you probably just don't quite know what that is whatever when you decide yeah when you want to yeah you actually have all the tools to know how to do it which is totally and there's always new projects coming and it's just fun it's it's traveling more it's balanced it's you know things like i want to have an amazing summer with my family this year and i want to go on really nice holidays with them and have that time you know things like that what's not to love about that no that's awesome yeah well i know how busy you are yeah so it's a massive thank you for me to join me have this conversation i can think of so many questions i'm still asking but i've learned lots and i've so enjoyed talking thank you thank you so much we'll have to do it again 100 take two thank you thank you