Featuring: Table Read Podcast | SuburbaKnight - Act 2

27:29Well, you better learn. He is a demon, Sam. Some kind of monster or something. Oh my God, Walter, have you lost your mind? Okay, don't you think it's weird how charming he is? That every woman at the party was drooling over him? He's rich and interesting and well-traveled. How could they not? So, you admit it. Walter! Look, I know this has been hard for you, but you are projecting everything you hate about yourself onto him. You're broke. He's rich. You hate the way you look. He's gorgeous. He's successful. And you're... Go on. Go on. Yeah, go on, Sam. Say it. Tell me that I am a failure. That the shop was pointless to keep open.

28:08I know you... I hate this whole thing. Let me do it again. Go on. Go on, say it. Tell me that I am a failure, Sam. That the shop was pointless to keep open. I know you thought it. Walter, why are you so jealous of him? Shouldn't I be? I saw how you were looking at him. Oh, what, you think I want to sleep with him? Well, I sure as hell know we're not sleeping together. She doesn't speak, but her eyes say everything. Sam? She turns and heads upstairs. Sam, wait! Walter follows her upstairs. Interior, Walter's house, bedroom. Walter enters and sees Sam packing a suitcase. What are you doing? What does it look like, Walter?

28:51Samantha. Look, just for a couple days, I just need to get away for a minute. Walter gets an idea, becomes very enthusiastic. I think that's a great idea. Sam stops. You do? Yeah. Somewhere far away? I don't even want to know where. Just clear your head, you know? Here. Walter helps her pack, just throws whatever clothes he can into the suitcase and forces it closed. He hands it to her. Interior, Walter's house night. Sam stomps down the stairs in her dress with her overflowing suitcase for the front door. It'll be good for us, you know? Walter, call me when you get there. Walter smiles. Sam, fuming, exits.

29:35Exterior, Walter's house night. Walter watches as she gets in the car and drives off. She's pissed. When she's gone, Walter's smile drops. She'll understand. Eventually, I hope. Walter turns to head back inside, but sees something outside the corner of his eye. Richard on his porch, watching. Walter heads inside. Interior, Walter's house night. Walter trips over the mace in the hallway. What? He sighs and puts it back on the shelf where it belongs. There, he notices a few more items. A medieval sword and shield, a spear, a few blades, a crossbow. Walter picks up the crossbow and starts fucking around with it.

30:17Holds it like he's in battle. I'm rigid. I'm so rich and handsome. Everyone wants to fuck me. The crossbow accidentally fires. The bolt flies across the room into a framed wedding photo of Sam and Walter right through Walter's head. Walter puts the crossbow down and picks up the photo. He yanks out the bolt and looks at the hole where his head used to be. Walter sighs. Exterior, Richard's house, backyard pool, night. Richard, shirtless, stands in front of the barbecue, works the expensive grill, and he pops his pec muscles. Walter wanders in, confused. He looks around. Howdy, neighbor. What are you...

30:59What is this? Why are you grilling in the nude? Wasn't my idea. Richard points with the grill fork towards the house. The French doors blow open and long curtains billow out. Samantha steps out, wearing the sea maiden outfit from her book. Sam? She walks toward Richard, who now looks like the seaman from the book, long hair and puffy pirate shirt. Sam embraces Richard. They kiss passionately. You're too late, Walter. Richard prepares plates of hot dogs from the grill. It's foolish to fight me. I can give Samantha more than you ever could. Wealth, happiness, passion. But, Sam, what about me? What about us?

31:44I love you. She stares into Walter's soul as the sky grows dark. The world becomes the hellscape Walter caught a glimpse of in the bedroom. I never loved you, Walter. He's devastated. Oops. Looks like we're all out of wieners. Oh, no. Richard raises a huge knife. He stabs Walter below the belt, and we can hear the sound of him cutting something. Richard yanks the dangling piece of flesh off. Walter bleeds from his crotch, shocked but not in pain. Close up. Richard tosses Walter's penis on the grill. It sizzles. He flips it over. Sizzles some more. Richard puts the charred cock in a hot dog bun and takes a big bite.

32:29Or a goose spurts out of the pee hole. Richard smiles as he chews. He hands it off to Samantha, and she takes a bite as well. We should just do that whole thing one more time. Without laughing? I like the laugh. I think it's great. You just want to hear it again. I really want to hear Jack say all those things one more time. It's your favorite. I told him this is the reason I did this reading. When I got to this point in this script, I'm like, oh yeah, that's good. That's good stuff. I didn't go too far. That was perfect. Richard raises a huge knife. He stabs Walter below the belt, and we can hear the sound of him cutting something.

33:10Richard yanks the dangling piece of flesh off. Walter bleeds from his crotch, shocked but not in pain. Close up, Richard tosses Walter's penis on the grill. It scissors. He flips it over. Scissors more. Richard puts the charred cock in a hot dog bun and takes a big bite. Red goo squirts out of the pee hole. Richard smiles as he chews. He hands it off to Samantha, and she takes a bite as well. Delicious.

33:41Needs mustard. Blood pools at Walter's feet. Richard has taken more of his demon form again. Huge, ram-like horns protrude and spiral down to his shoulders. His demon eyes glow red. A forked tongue snakes through his long, sharp teeth. Richard and Sam, both covered in blood, laugh maniacally.

34:15Thank you. That's what happens when you eat penis hot dogs. Interior, Walter's house, living room, night. Walter wakes with a fright, remembers he's on the couch. Howdy, neighbor. Walter looks behind him. Richard stands with sharp teeth and glowing eyes. He slashes Walter across the face. Huge wounds open as blood spurts over the house. Walter screams. Interior, Walter's house, living room, night. Walter wakes again in fright, sees he's on the couch. Oh, Jesus, fuck. He touches his face, normal. He reaches for his crotch, still attached.

35:03All good. He sighs in relief and collapses back on the pillow. Walter sees the TV. Bobby Joe is on. Well, that'll do it for me tonight. But before I go, I'm reminded of a quote by a great man. A shotgun blast to the face should solve any problem. It was me. I'm the great man. Bobby Joe Williams, and you've been watching Terror Vision. Walter gets an idea. Exterior, production studio, day. Walter waits by his car outside a chain-link fence. Beyond it, a plain building with the letters KXTV, a public broadcasting station. A familiar man exits among a group of people, Bobby Joe Williams, who wears a cheap jacket and a cowboy hat.

35:54He smokes a cigarette as he hurries toward his shitty white panel van. Walter sees him and approaches. Mr. Williams. Bobby Joe Williams? Without stopping or turning back. It's 20 bucks for an autograph, 50 for a picture. Walter gets in front of him, walks backwards. Mr. Williams, I don't want your autograph. Get the hell out of my way then. No, no, no, no. I need your help. My help? With what? You know what? Doesn't matter. Buy me a drink and I'm yours. It's 10 o 'clock in the morning. You want my help or not, kid? Interior. Bar. Day. A dimly lit dive bar. Only a few customers inside. Bobby Joe walks behind the bar and pours two drinks.

36:34Oh, no, thanks. It's a bit early for me. Bobby Joe snorts, then chugs both drinks in succession. Belches. Walter is mortified. All right, kid. You got seven minutes until my next gig. Better make them count. Oh, you're a bartender? Not a bartender, kid. Too much temptation. He pours himself another drink and downs it without breaking eye contact. What do you mean? A drinking problem. Can't be around alcohol like that. Walter is speechless. Apparently not. So you're... The bartender enters and hands Bobby Joe a pair of rubber gloves. Somebody puked in the bathroom Bobby Joe checks his watch I've still got four minutes The bartender walks off Bobby Joe glares at Walter Time's ticking Right, I, uh, okay On your show, you watch a lot of horror films You can't afford me What?

37:30You want me in your movie And if you're doing a nude scene, you're gonna need a long lens No, no, what I I mean, no, I'm not making a movie I think I have a demon or something living next door to me. I don't really know all the rules, but I think with your expertise that you might... All right, that's a new one. Go on. I think he's killed at least one person, maybe my neighbors too. And the women, they just fall all over themselves to get so much as a look at the guy. The woman he killed offered her head to him. Willingly. She gave him head, you mean. I'm serious. Bobby Joe takes another drink.

38:10Okay, first off, let's pretend like I believe you. Which I definitely do not. Of course. Why would you? So, I believe you, and I know exactly how to help you. What's in for me? Walter thinks, but can't find the answer. Bobby Joe sighs, looks at his watch. Sorry, kid. Time's up. Gotta punch the clock. Bobby Joe stands. He smacks Walter on the shoulder. I hope you don't die. He walks off. I'll pay you. Bobby Joe turns on his heels, grabs Walter by the collar and leads him out the door. Thought you'd never ask. Lou, I'm calling in sick. Bobby Joe pretends, poorly, to cough. Yeah, real sick. Sick of your shit.

38:54Where are you taking me? Interior, Bobby Joe's apartment, night. The door opens. Bobby Joe kicks an empty beer can as he enters his shitty apartment. Original posters featuring blown up images of himself cover the walls. Various movie memorabilia litter the space. Oh, nice place. You clean lady's coming by later. Bobby Joe goes to his bookcase and removes a book entitled Movie Monsters A to Z. He rips off the book jacket and replaces it with a prop version, made to look like some ancient tome of forgotten knowledge. He opens it to the letter I and slams it on the table in front of Walter. Walter picks it up.

39:33The image is an old-timey oil painting of a winged demon sitting on a maiden's chest as she sleeps. It reads, Incubus. What is that? A vampire? No, vampires aren't real, moron. Walter seems confused. What you have is an incubus. Hey, I saw them live in 94. Pretty good. Funny. You want my help or not? Sorry. It's a sex demon. It feeds off souls, steals its victim's life force through, well, his franken beans. Ugh, there's a visual. It's like hypnosis, get me? Pheromones or some shit. He's like one of them stinky flowers. Walter Blinks wonders if he's heard him right. Okay, I'm sorry. I thought I heard you say he was a stinky flower?

40:23Like one of them stinky flowers that lures insects into it so it can eat them because they think it's like a dead animal. I forget what they're called. Corp flowers. Yeah, that's what I said, stinky flowers. He's a walking one of those. Except instead of insects, it's bored suburban housewives. And instead of eating them, he fucks away their life force. Or whatever. Walter shakes his head. I don't think I like this analogy. You don't have to like it, kid. You're living it. Walter thinks. How do you kill one? You can't. They're immortal, see? Bobby Joe turns the page. A woman looks into a mirror.

41:04A demon is her reflection. Sometimes you can trap one in its own vanity, but it's not easy to do. There are priests that tried exorcism, but it's not the usual thing. They're not possessing someone. They're flesh and blood. Sex demons from hell. What about the women? What happens to them? Once they're under his spell, they'll give him anything. Even their souls. And the men? The husbands? What happens to them? Too many cocks in the rooster house. Get me? So, what do I do? How do I stop him? I mean, he's setting up shop in my neighborhood. Not my problem. What? You said you'd help me. And I have.

41:46Now, if you don't mind, my fee. Walter looks at the man in the Barca lounger surrounded by half-empty cases of beer. You don't believe a word I've said. Hey, don't take it personal. I don't weigh you in much. Bobby Joe sits down and puts his feet up. Oh, fuck you. Walter heads for the door, throws it open. Wait, what about my money? Walter slams the door behind him. Bobby Joe sighs, cracks open a cold one. Interior, Steve and Diane's bedroom, night. Diane sits at her vanity. Earrings in hand, mascara streaking as she wipes her makeup away. She stares at her reflection, tired, disappointed. She sighs, pulls at the skin under her eyes.

42:30Angry now, she furiously wipes off her makeup, smearing it all over her face. A shadow flickers across the glass. She looks up. Richard stands behind her in the reflection, immaculate, radiant. The kind of man she wishes still looked at her in that way. Diane startles, turns The room is empty She looks back into the mirror Richard is still there, smiling You don't need that at all His hand brushes her cheek through the reflection Diane freezes, trembling They don't see you anymore, do they? He looks right through you You're a ghost in your own home Diane's lips part, breath shaking The words cut too close But I see you Every line, every scar, every wrinkle he resents.

43:21Tears roll down her cheek. She leans into his hand, touching her face only in the mirror. I see the woman who used to dance in the rain. I see the woman who just wants to be wanted. The one who aches to be touched, to be held. I want all of you. Diane's sob turns into a gasp. His face draws closer, lips touching hers, but only in the reflection. All you have to do is come to me. Her breath hitches. She rises, dazed, like sleepwalking. Earrings drop to the carpet. Diane heads for the back door. Exterior, suburban backyard, continuous. Diane slips out into the cool night, her nightgown fluttering.

44:09She crosses the yard, gaze fixed on Richard's house, its upstairs window glowing warm, inviting. As she moves, the camera pulls back. We see two more women emerging from neighboring houses. Nancy in yoga gear, Karen in a cocktail dress, and more we don't recognize. A mom in slippers, an elderly woman in curlers, among others. One by one, doors creak open up and down the cul-de-sac. The women converge in the shadows, faces slack with lust. Pupils glowing frankly... Frick! The women converge in the shadows. Faces slack with lust. Pupils glowing... Let's try that one. Pupils glowing faintly... I had that line yesterday when you were younger.

44:53Dang! The women converge in the shadows. Faces slack with lust. Pupils glowing faintly green. In Richard's upstairs window, his silhouette waits. He raises a hand in greeting, beckoning them closer. Exterior, Walter's house, day. Walter drags the trash cans to the curb along, head buzzing from Bobby Joe's wild sex demon lecture. Oh, incubus. Sex demon. Stinky flower. He's muttering to himself when he hears laughter up ahead. Nancy, Diane, and Karen jog toward him in their pastel athleisure. Only now, something's off. They look flushed, glowing, like they've been fucked stupid all night.

45:41Happier, looser, dripping satisfaction. Hey, ladies.

45:50They slow to a stop around him, circling like a pack. Their pupils glow faintly green in the sunlight. Morning, Walter. You're looking strong today. Nice calves. Have you been working out? Walter forces a laugh, uncomfortable. Oh, how's a, uh, how's, I know this. What's his name? Your husband? Steve. Right, right, Steve. Steve. Totally knew that. How is he? I thought maybe we'd watch a game later. They exchange a look. He's out of town. Flash cut. Steve's face screaming as Diane smashes his head through the big screen TV during a touchdown replay. Back to scene. Diane smiles a little too wide.

46:38Walter blinks. Well, darn, maybe Bill could... Golf trip! Flash cut. Bill getting brained by his own golf clubs over and over and over and over and...

46:53Nancy licks drool off her upper lip. Walter swallows, turns to Karen, and gestures towards their overgrown yard. And Alan? I never knew that guy would let his yard go like that. Flash cut. Alan's face screaming as Karen drives over to the lawnmower. Mud sprays and sprays and sprays.

47:16Back to sea. Karen strokes Walter's chest with her finger. Business trip. Maybe you should come jogging with us sometime.

47:29Walter backs away, heart racing. Uh, thanks. Maybe sex time. Next time. This is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. You know when people try on new food and suddenly it's like, wait. That's the reaction a lot of people are having when they first try Kewpie mayo. It's the one with the red cap and the little baby on the bottle. You've probably seen it in the grocery store before. And if you've ever just walked past it, some people would say that's a huge mistake. Because this mayo is different.

48:04Most mayonnaise uses whole eggs. Kewpie only uses egg yolks, which gives it this rich umami flavor. It's smoother, deeper, and almost buttery. Once people try it, they start putting it on everything. Egg sandwiches, fries, burgers. Some fans even swear by dipping pizza crust in it. And once you notice it, you start seeing it everywhere. Chefs use it. Restaurants use it. People who really care about flavor use it. Never tried it? Grab the bottle with the red cap next time you're at the store. Put it on just about anything. Then you'll understand. Kupi, the original Japanese mayonnaise. I'm Manga Shatikula and I'm back with a new season of the podcast Skyline Drive.

48:41This time I'm diving into a rabbit hole of peptides, organoids, blood boys, blue zones, and brain replacement to try to understand what this longevity obsession is all about and what it really means to live forever for all of us. I learned about some rad science. I can make a brain for you, and then we can test what draw is the best for your brain, as opposed to his brain. Here are some hard truths. I would expect Indians to age faster, but I did not expect it to be almost a four to five year acceleration. And get myself into a world of trouble. I'd say probably start bone smashing. That doesn't work.

49:24Make it look more defined. They say it works. I don't know. Listen to Skyline Drive, How to Live Forever on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I was 14 years old, I was kidnapped and held captive for nine months. I survived, and I've spent my life exploring how other people survive what should have destroyed them. I'm Elizabeth Smart, and these are the Survivor Files. I just remember this low, taunting voice next to my ears. Shut up. Don't say anything. Every week, I'm with survivors who live through the unthinkable. I knew if he woke up, without a doubt, he was going to hurt me.

50:09I started feeling that there was someone at the end of my bed, and I just started screaming. They are abducted, stalked, controlled, and nearly silenced. But these aren't stories about what's taken from them. There's stories about what it takes to make it out alive. Listen to The Survivor Files with Elizabeth Smart on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On the new podcast, Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. I chose option B. I'm Julie Pinheiro and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first.

50:57I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. It can be a time where you push your limits, change your mind, or wake up to a new version of yourself. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

51:37He forces a wave, turns, and hurries off down the block. The women watch him go, laughing.

51:48Andy, are you home? I need your help. Oh, did I miss that whole thing? Dude, I have so few lines. Can you think? Let me know. I was ready to go. Where is Andy? Few lines. Exterior. Andy and Allie's house. Night. Walter pounds on the door, panicked. Andy, are you home? I need your help. Allie opens the door. Walter looks shocked. The Allie that stands before him is changed. She wears a silky red evening gown and teased hair. Ellie? Hello, Walter. Walter pauses, confused, remembers why he's here. I need to talk to Andy. Is he here? Ollie leans against the doorframe. Her hand pushes upward against the jam.

52:32Andy left me. He what? He said he wasn't man enough for me anymore. Oh, that doesn't make sense. Andy loved... Walter pauses, senses something is wrong. Are you all right? I've never felt better, Waltie. Would you care to join me for a drink? Sure. He enters. Allie closes the door with a smirk in her mouth. Interior, Andy and Allie's house, living room, night. Walter keeps his guard up and tries to inconspicuously look around. Allie runs a finger along Walter's arm as she passes him. Walter clears his throat. Say, how about that drink? Allie smirks. Coming right up. Allie goes into the kitchen.

53:17Walter, on his tiptoes, quickly opens the closet door, peeks inside. He closes it. Allie stands behind the door, startles him with two glasses of red wine in hand. Oh, I was looking for the bathroom. Well, it's not in the closet, Walter. Allie hands him the glass of wine and takes a sip. Allie oozes seduction. Walter pretends to drink, but neither does. Oh, wine went right through me. Be right back. Walter walks to the end of the hall into the bathroom. Interior, Andy and Allie's house, bathroom, night. Walter closes and locks the door behind him. He dumps the wine down the sink. Okay, okay, okay.

53:56Just think. Clink, clink. A noise beside Walter from the bathtub. Walter looks over, sees a shadow in the bathtub behind the closed shower curtain. Walter approaches carefully, throws the curtain open. Andy lies in the bathtub, covered in blood. his video game controllers shoved down his throat. Walter screams. He trips and falls backward against the bathroom door. He tries to catch his breath, a soft knock on the door. You okay in there, Walter? Walter tries to gather himself. Yeah, just a minute. Walter closes the bathroom curtain back how it was, holds back tears for his friend, afraid to look too closely.

54:41Walter takes a deep breath and heads back into the interior, and in Ali's house, living room, night. But the mood has changed. The lights are low. Erotic synth music plays from a vintage stereo nearby. Candles are lit. And Ali is nowhere to be seen. Ali? Walter doesn't wait. He heads straight for the fucking exit. Somehow, Ali appears in his path. He tries to be cool, but he sweats, stammers. Oh, yeah, there you are, Ellie. Look, I gotta go. Sam needs me for man stuff. Not sex. Just fixing the whiz palace. I mean, well, that's what we call the bathroom. Samantha's gone, Walter. What? What are you talking about?

55:29She's on her way back right now, Walter, but Richard will be with her soon enough. Interior, Richard's house, bedroom, night. Richard, naked, stands at the window looking out. He watches as Samantha's car pulls back into the driveway. Richard smiles. Hands caress his chest from behind. Diane and Karen, among others. Interior, Andy and Allie's house, night. How do you know that? I told you. He's shown me so... so very many things. Things I didn't even know about myself. Things I didn't even know I was deprived of. Allie rubs her hips up and down, caressing her figure. Yeah, I should really get back to her then.

56:14Stay with me. Allie ramps up the seduction. Her hands move from her thighs, up her hips, and around her breasts. Come on, Walter. Don't you want me? Walter trips, falls over his own feet as he stumbles backwards. He watches as Allie lifts the red dress over her head, reveals her naked figure. Walter shields his eyes. Not okay. She sits on top of him. Don't you want to fuck me, Walter. Allie leans down to kiss Walter. Walter pushes her off hard. Walter stands up, back against the fireplace. He keeps one hand behind his back, inches closer to the fire poker stand. Allie covers her face, still on the floor, crying.

56:55How could you? I love Samantha, all right? Her cries turn into maniacal laughter.

57:04Who said anything about love? She stands. I just want to fuck you, Walter. Just fuck your brains out. Okay, stay back, okay? And when you can't take that anymore, Walter, when you beg me to stop, I'll slit your little throat and fuck your cock in a pool of your own blood. That is so gross. Oh, fuck. Walter grabs hold of the fire poker and swings it at Allie's head. It connects hard. She stumbles but doesn't fall. When Allie looks back at Walter, her face is now demonic. Her eyes glow green. Her hair is stringy and matted. Rows of razor-sharp teeth line her mouth. A huge gash across her cheek from the poker.

57:54Holy fuck. Allie howls and leaps at Walter.

58:01Walter flies back against the futon and wall, knocks over a cheaply framed movie poster. She bears her full mouth of fangs and leaps at him again. Walter scrambles to grab the fire poker. He holds it up instinctively, closes his eyes. He only hears it enter her body. When he opens his eyes again, Ali is impaled on the poker. He lets go and she stumbles backwards. She sees the poker in her chest, shocked. She collapses, seemingly dead. Walter catches his breath, then remembers. Sam! He races out of the house and back into his car. Interior, Samantha's car, night. Samantha pulls into the driveway.

58:40Her eyes tell the story of a tearful night. She takes a deep breath and gets out. Interior, Walter's house, night. Sam enters. She looks around. Walter? Nothing. Only silence. Walter? She turns. Richard stands right behind her. She screams. Oh, God. Richard. Hi. Richard laughs warmly. Oh, gosh. Sorry I frightened you, Samantha. The door was open. I thought it would be fine if I let myself in. Oh, what, um, can I do for you? He holds up Sam's purse and her shoulder wrap. Just thought I'd return your purse and scarf. You left the party in such a hurry, I'm afraid you had forgotten it. Sam exhales.

59:24She rubs her weary brow. Right. I did. Thank you. Is everything all right? I'm fine. You look like you could use a drink. Richard heads into the kitchen. No, I said I'm fine. Really. I don't... Richard returns with two glasses of red wine. He takes a sip. I appreciate the sentiment, Richard, but you should go. I need to think. They lock eyes. Richard's eyes glow. I think I should stay. Samantha's muscles relax. Her resistance fades. She falls deeper into the trance-like state. She nods. I think you should stay. Richard smiles. Interior. Walter's car. Night. Walter drives like a madman, leaving in and out of slow-moving traffic.

1:00:16He calls Sam on his cell phone again, but there's no answer. Damn it! Interior. Walter's house. Living room. Night. Richard touches Samantha's face. He leans in to kiss her. Oh, Walter. Richard stops. Sam's eyes slam open. She takes a step back, out of the trance. What's happening? What am I doing? Walter would be furious. Walter doesn't have to know. Sam's mood shifts. Yes, he does. Walter's my husband. Walter could never be as attentive to you as I could, Samantha. Richard holds Sam's waist and stares deep into her eyes. They glow with newfound intensity. Sam looks deeply into Richard's eyes.

1:00:58His voice deepens. With each word, he moves closer towards kissing Sam. I could love you more deeply than Walter could ever understand. I can give you everything your heart desires and your flesh craves. I can give you the passion you so desperately seek, Samantha. He leans in to kiss her. The slap stops him cold. Richard blinks, shocked. Sam is pissed. She points to the door. Get out of my fucking house! Samantha, I think... Who the fuck do you think you are? Walter is my husband, and I love him! Richard doesn't move. I said get out! Richard's posture straightens. No. Excuse me? Richard stomps closer to her.

1:01:48Sam backs up, frightened now. Richard's eyes glow once more, but before he can look into Sam's eyes, Walter bursts in through the door. He sees Sam, terrified, as Richard looms over her, authoritatively. Walter. You son of a... Walter charges Richard, throws another punch, but Richard catches it effortlessly. No more games. Richard squeezes Walter's hand. His face fills with anguish. He grabs Walter by the throat and lifts him into the air. Oh, crap. Hiya, neighborino.

1:02:23Walter sees Richard's eyes have turned red. His features have become more demonic, evil. The entire room shifts into something darker, more terrifying. Sam watches in horror. Walter? Sam doesn't think. She gets up and runs to help Walter. Richard bats her away with a swipe of his hand, never taking his eyes off Walter. Richard pivots and launches Walter over the couch. He crashes through the concrete. Walter struggles through the pain, screaming all over his body as he gets to his feet. He stands in front of Sam, shielding her. Richard looks around the shop. You know I envy you, Walter. Your life is something mine was never given the chance to be.

1:03:04Ordinary. Hey, I am a small business owner. You sell junk to bored housewives who watch too much HGTV. Richard takes notice of the extravagant suit of armor with a large codpiece propped up in the corner. He approaches with an air of reverence, of memory. When I was a young man, my father sent me away. Told me not to return lest I was a man. So I became a soldier. A fierce warrior known to many. Feared by more. When I returned home, things had changed. And the home I knew was gone. I never saw my father again. So I traveled. One town at first, and then the next. Soon I was a collector of cities.

1:03:52The world over. Every night a different woman to warm my bed. And thus, I also became a collector of flesh. But never a place to call home. Never someone to call. Family. Just objects lost in history. He touches the breastplate gently, caresses it as though a lover. Tears form in Richard's eyes. We're both collectors in a way, Walter. Are things lost to time? My father was the collector. I'm just the caretaker. Richard turns back to Walter and says... In that case, Walter, I'm going to give you the choice I never had. Think of it as a business opportunity. He stands in front of the couple. I will buy everything in this house.

1:04:56Take your entire business off your shoulders. And at a price you won't be able to say no to. For what? Samantha. What? I could just take her now, of course. Or you could have everything you ever wanted, Walter. You could live the life you've always dreamed of, and you could do it free of the burden of carrying your father's misguided legacy. A fresh start. Richard pauses, awaits an answer. Fuck you. The answer stings like an insult. People aren't objects for you to add to your collection. They're people, and I didn't keep my dad's junk to carry his burden. Then why did you? To honor it. Richard sighs.

1:05:42Oh, ffff. You know, I might be a really shitty salesman, and maybe I am a shitty father and an even shittier husband, but there is one thing I'm good at. Stalling. Hey, fuckface! Just in time to receive the medieval mace Mia just hurled into the side of his fucking face. He stumbles. Blood and flesh fly off his face. Sam grabs Mia, shields her behind herself and Walter. Richard turns to face them, reveals his fucked up face, obliterated, skin gone, scaly demon flesh underneath. One red eye glows in the darkness. Large fangs protrude over his lips. Richard arches his back and howls at them. The force blows them backward.

1:06:28He stops and locks eyes with Mia. The wind continues to blow Sam and Walter backward. Walter struggles to hold onto the railings, the walls, anything, but it's like a hurricane. The wind roars. All sounds dissipate into silence. Richard's voice seems to come from everywhere. Mia! Mia's eyes turn glossy. She steps forward as her parents fall farther back. She drops the mace, no longer in control of herself. Samantha reaches out to stop her, but she can't. Mia! Richard grabs her and holds her close to him. She faints and Richard catches her in his arms. The wind stops. If I can't have your wife, Walter, I'll just settle for your daughter.

1:07:13Richard howls.

1:07:18Every light bulb in the house explodes all at once. Walter and Sam shield their eyes. When they open them again, Mia and Richard are gone. Mia! Are you alright? Oh my god. You were right, Walter. He's... We have to go to the police. No, I tried. They won't believe us. Walter, he has our baby. She cries into his chest. Listen to me. I want you to stay inside to lock all the doors. Don't let anyone in, okay? What are you going to do? I'm going to stop him. Not without me, you're not. Sam. Walter, if you think for one second that I'm just going to sit back and wait to be rescued by some knight in shining armor, then you're an even bigger idiot than the one I married.

1:08:00Walter thinks. Fine. But we need help. Who? A professional. Interior. Bobby Joe's apartment. The door opens. Bobby Joe stands in monster shorts with his face on them. And an old bathrobe holding a beer. Hey, Bobby Joe. Bobby Joe belches. Samantha glares at Walter. He feels her eyes bore into the side of his head, but ignores it. We... We need your help. Interior, Bobby Joe's apartment, night. Bobby Joe stomps to the kitchen, stealing his bathrobe, and opens the fridge. He grabs a blender pitcher of margarita in the fridge and drinks straight from it. He has our daughter. You have to help us. Help you do what exactly?

1:08:47Get us all killed? I like being alive. I plan on doing it until I die of old age. Sandwiched between two 20-year-old supermodels. Who the fuck is this guy? Sam approaches him with purpose. Listen, you low-rent Bruce Campbell. That asshole has my daughter, and if my husband thinks you can help, then you're going to help, even if I have to drag you by the balls there myself. Bobby Joe flails backward into his Barker lounger. You said Bobby Joe flails backward. Yeah, I did. I was improving the script, so... No charge, brother. Bobby Joe falls backward into his Barker lounger. Feisty. I don't like it.

1:09:33Say, how stable is this relationship, Walter? We'll pay you. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. I already went down that road with your husband, lady. Didn't turn out so well for Bobby Joe. So my, uh, consulting fee, it just doubled. Walter pulls Sam to the side. Pay him? With what money? I have some set aside for emergencies. Since when? Since always. Just in case. In case of what? They both realize Bobby Joe was staring at them. Trouble in paradise? Shut up! Right. All right, back to business. I like your style. So how many zeros we talking about? I said shut up! And put some fucking pants on, would you?

1:10:16Can we stop for a drink first? No! Bobby Joe slinks back into his chair. Exterior, Walter's house night. Walter, Sam, and Bobby Joe exit Bobby's beat-up old bathroom and head inside. Bobby Joe is dressed like a character from his show, an aged leather jacket over his cowboy shirt and bolo tie. Interior, Walter's house, living room night. Walter digs through boxes and piles of junk while Sam watches. Bobby Joe raids the kitchen. He finds a bottle of whiskey and pours himself a stiff drink. What are you looking for? Aha! Does he really say aha? Walter grabs a cardboard box and slams it on the table between them.

1:10:58On the side of the box, in Mia's handwriting, more poignant than she meant, let's get medieval on their asses. The box... Pause for laughter. The box contains a crossbow, a mace, a medieval axe, arrows, and a spearhead. Everyone, Walt's Antiques is open for business. Samantha picks up the crossbow and looks it over. Which suits you.

1:11:26Walter hands the axe to Bobby Joe. He turns his nose at it. I'm set, kid. Bobby Joe lifts up his shirt. An enormous revolver is stuffed into his pants. A little wrap party gift from one of my first features. Psycho Cop 2. Revenge. Oh, I saw that one. Oh, you liked it. Well.

1:11:49Walter walks off. You're my only one with taste in this place, you primitive rubes. Bobby Joe picks up the mace and admires it. He whips it around, awkwardly. What about you? Walter stares off frame. Quick cuts, piece by piece, Walter puts on the suit of armor, but we don't see its complete form yet. Walter, now in the full suit of armor, broadsword in hand, awkwardly lifts up the faceplate to speak. How do I... The faceplate falls back down. He lifts it up again. How do I look? Ridiculous. Sam looks at him warmly, a smile on her face. I think he looks amazing. End of act two.

1:12:34I get to say something. You ladies are scaring the shit out of me with your... What do you mean? That's what I'm talking about right there. What do you mean? You guys are way too good at that.

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