ALIX EARLE: I CLOSED MYSELF TO LOVE FOR A LONG TIME

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2:12Hello, everyone. My name is Jamie Lang, and this is Great Company.

2:21Hey, all the way from Los Angeles. You're not in Los Angeles. No, but... But you were. Well, I thought we were going to lie to the audience. Never, never, ever. No, we wouldn't lie to you guys. Hi, welcome. To. Great. Company. This. Is. Awful. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the show. If you're an OG, you know exactly who you are. And if you're new to the show, my name is Jamie Leng. I'm the host of the show. And you are. Producer Jemima. That's exactly it. And Jemima loves to coin all of you listeners the owls. Yes, and I've got a new thing to coin I want to bring up with you. What is it? So I introduced myself just now as producer Jemima, and I was wondering, what do you think about renaming me PJ?

3:09No?

3:12Do you want to be called PJ? I don't know. I'm just floating it out there to see what the pickup is. Okay, well, I'm happy for it if you want to be called PJ. That sounds quite cool, isn't it? Yeah, but PJ sounds like a private jet. as well. Oh. If you say you're getting on a PJ, it means you're getting on a private jet. Oh, fine. Also, PJ makes me think of pyjamas. Pyjamas as well. That's probably more the actual normal reference. Yeah, but I think it should become Producer Jemima. PJ. PJ. PJ. PJ. PJ? PJ. No, for short, it's just PJ. You can't get shorter than Producer Jemima. PJ. PJ. PJ. PJ.

3:48For short. PJ is longer than PJ. I like it like that. Today what? What? I'm very excited for today I know, so let's give a little bit of context So Jamie has been on a little trip I was in Los Angeles, LA, in America Having some meetings, meeting some people And interviewing some amazing guests And one of the big people that I wanted to get on the show From the very beginning Is a big American star called Alex L Now if you don't know who Alex L is You're probably not in the digital space But Alex Earl is, I would say, the hottest digital talent in America, maybe the world at the moment. She blew up massively on TikTok over lockdown and over the last three, four years.

4:38She started off sort of talking about her experience at Miami University, Miami College, about going out, having fun, being young, free and single and all these different things. and she's now left university and she still is followed on social media, on her podcast, on her TikTok. She is a force to be reckoned with in this space and we managed to get her. She's never done any interviews really. I know, it's huge. Huge. She has her own podcast called Hot Mess but apart from that, she really doesn't do anything. And I sat down with her in LA to have a major discussion about her, her life, social media and everything surrounding it.

5:17It's very, very exciting and also quite terrifying for me because it happened at 5pm in LA, which is 2am here, so I just wasn't there. You weren't there, so I did it solo. So apologies. If it's shit. And if it's fantastic, then maybe I'm out of a job. You won't be out of a job ever, but it was, I did it alone. I had our producer, Tom, there who did it with the lighting, but he didn't help me produce the show, so I did take this one on solo. But it was amazing. It was a different environment. It was interesting. And I just think a lot of American guests who are listening now, hey, guys, make sure that you go and listen to other episodes as well, because they probably enjoy this one.

5:53Yeah. And there's other ones to go and listen to. Yeah. No, it's a huge, huge guest. I like that you call her a digital talent as well. She's a digital talent, I would say. Just the word digital sounds old. Well, she's the new age celebrity. She absolutely is. She's, I mean, Alex Earle effect. The Alex Earle effect is a thing which I talk about in the show, right? Which it comes up. So I'm not going to explain that right now, but it happens in the episode. For anyone who doesn't understand the digital world, and they're used to sort of the idea of celebrity being people on movies or television shows, I believe the world has shifted.

6:26I think that we now focus on different sort of the world of celebrity. And Alex Hull is the new age of celebrity in this world. A hundred percent. And at the top of her game. Yeah. Very, very exciting. Very, very, very exciting. So we're going to kick things off. Yeah, let's get to it. Okay, if you haven't subscribed to the show, please do. And please get ready for an episode of Great Company with Alex Earl. Alex, welcome to the show. Thanks for having me. Are you kidding me? Thank you for being here. This is so exciting. It's beyond exciting. You've just had a coffee, haven't you? I did. I had a coffee.

7:02I came in hot. I was like, I'm a little jittery right now. I've had too much coffee. And I don't know, I just I love the taste of coffee. But I'm like, maybe I need to start drinking decaf or something. because even now I'm going like a million miles per second. I slow it down. I'm the same. I can't drink it. Really? If I, if I try, I went through a phase of trying to drink coffee and my anxiety just went through the roof as soon as I drank it. It's not good for anxiety. And I have, I have diagnosed anxiety. So I'm on Luxapro every day. And without the Luxapro, I don't think I could have coffee.

7:33That's amazing that you, that you talk about that. I love that. Straight in. Straight in. We'll get right into it. We'll get right. So I mean, let's get into anxiety. I have anxiety as well, but I've never ever taken any medication because I've always been for some reason like nervous about it for whatever reason. But it's amazing. Yeah, I guess I've been on it for so long now that I kind of forget that I'm on it. I started it when I was a freshman in high school, so 14, 15 years old. And I was a little hesitant at first as well, because I was like, I don't want to have to rely on something for my anxiety.

8:06I was like, I can do it on my own. I mean, I was so stubborn with medication. I was like the kid that I wouldn't even take an Advil. I was like, I can do it. I can get over the sickness myself. But I think for me, it got to a point where I was like, I couldn't leave the house. I couldn't really do anything because my anxiety was so bad. And then it really just kind of helped like slow me down a little bit, slow the thoughts in my head. And it's been a great experience for me. That's amazing that you talk about it. Because I think a lot of people, do you know what I love about you so much? Like there are so many things that you do, but you're so, and we spoke about this with Madeline, who's a friend of ours.

8:42you're so authentically you thank you you really are like even meeting you here for the first time straight away you're just like straight in yeah I have anxiety I just drank coffee I'm gonna be all over the place a little bit dirty like things like that that's I think what the world needs is that authenticity and you're kind of you fall into that so easily you just like to be authentic yeah I guess it's a blessing and a curse at times but I always try to you know keep it real especially on social media I feel like that's another thing is gets content to get a little fake on there so trying to like take down that barrier I think has been a big thing for me and just just saying what I think.

9:18Did you ever try and be someone else? Did I ever try and be someone else? Like when you first started out because I remember when I man the things I've tried to be honestly growing up it's crazy to like know who we are. Yeah it is and I feel like that's a big thing for me. I feel like in college, I've really, and even after college, every year I change. I look back at last year and I'm like, I'm not the same person as I was last year. And I definitely went through a phase though of on social media trying to be not myself. And it wasn't, it was just not working for me. I was like, I really want to grow on social media.

9:53Like I have a lot of fun on there, especially on TikTok. I got on there and I don't know what I was doing. I was trying like, I was trying to be anything but myself. And then when I got to a really weird place mentally, honestly, it was when I was really insecure about my acne, is when I was just like, I can't even pretend to just be this perfect, all buttoned up all the time. And then that's kind of when I took down that barrier. And it's when I started to see growth. And I was like, oh, okay, there's really nothing to be afraid of here. But I was so afraid of not being a perfect social media curated whatever I thought that was in my head.

10:31Why do you think we have this obsession to kind of be perfect when none of us are that perfect? That's a good question. I don't think social media helps. Yeah, I know. And like especially growing up with social media and I think now like I have younger siblings and just what they see on social media, I think it's a little bit better now, but I feel like when I was growing up, It was very like just, I don't know, like everyone's like Instagram models, picture perfect. And like you're seeing all these things and these like glamorized lifestyles. And I don't know. I think people have a little, I think it honestly comes from a place of just like insecurities when you can't be yourself.

11:14It's like you're trying to be, you're not secure with who you are. So you're trying to be someone else and trying to like curate something of your own. You know what I mean? I know exactly what you mean. going back because we went in hot so I'm going to stay hot with you on it okay so so with with the anxiety right at the beginning how did that manifest itself at the beginning because racing thoughts how was it so basically I passed out and I fainted I was getting my hair done and I thought nothing of it I guess I just like didn't have like enough breakfast in the morning um I was in this like hot heated salon there was bleach going on and even talking about this now I'll start to get nervous.

11:51Okay, well, if you do, don't worry. We can just pause that. I'm going to leave. You'll just leave. Thank you very much, Flo. Thanks for having me. Okay. And then it was like a week or so after I was out to eat sushi with my friends. It was before the first day of high school. And it was with this new group of girls. And I started to get a little hungry and like my stomach grumbled. And then my mind went to like, oh my God, I'm hungry. Like, am I going to pass out again? And then a million thoughts started racing through my head. And I remember we were at this Japanese restaurant and I'm like fanning myself.

12:24I was like, I got to go. Then I had experienced my first panic attack, which was like shortness of breath. I was overheating. I was very lightheaded. And I didn't know what a panic attack was. And I don't think at that age, like any of the girls I was with knew what a panic attack was. So I was on the floor of this restaurant and they called my dad and my dad took me to the hospital and we went to the hospital. They had me hooked up to everything you could think of. For the next two weeks, I went to a heart doctor, brain doctor. I got every scan, every test done and every doctor was like, you're normal, like you're fine.

13:00And I was like, I don't think you understand like what I was feeling. I was like, something's not right. Like my body's not functioning properly. And it was anxiety. but I just didn't know what anxiety was, which is why I think it's important to talk about anxiety or like mental health online because I just, I had no idea what it was. And when they told me I had anxiety, I was like, this sounds like some type of like STD. I was like, what is this? I was like, I can't have that. And I was just so confused because no one really talked about it. And then when they told me, you know, there's medication or therapy, I was like, oh God, like something's really, really wrong with me, but something that a lot of people deal with.

13:35But I think not knowing what anxiety was for me was so confusing and I mean it feels because you get such physical symptoms from it that was like I'm just dying like I was like something's really wrong with me Alex I completely relate to you in that sense I was like 22 and I had this like this panic attack again I was at home by myself I thought I was dying yeah I went to hospital and I was like I'm dying and they were like you're not and I was like no I am you're wrong doctor and they just said go and have and I've said this before but I think it's important I went back I went out they said go and have a coca-cola so I went out of coca-cola um and my anxiety just didn't go I just what I felt was this like constant fear on edge and I couldn't explain it to anyone yeah and I was trying to explain it and no one would understand it doesn't make any sense and especially when you don't know what it is and it is physical symptoms so like I would wake up I remember in high school and the first thing is like my heart was beating out of my chest first thing I did every morning was I went to the bathroom and I just got sick because the second I woke up it was just like my whole body was all discombobulated um no it's it's okay we're all good now but hopefully you know sending a positive message to anyone that feels this way that you can get over this because I I really felt so trapped in my own body and I was like it it was just so uncomfortable I was like I don't want to be in this body that's feeling this way and it took me a while to get over it but for me it was like therapy and then the medication helps me which was good but um yeah it's crazy dude and do you feel comfortable talking about it or do you kind of sometimes go I don't know if I want to open up about it as much I feel really comfortable talking about it now but in high school I remember I was like this is a big secret.

15:26Like I wouldn't tell my friends when, again, they had diagnosed me with like generalized anxiety disorder. I was like, this is a secret. I'm not telling anyone because it just felt like I was, I was like, I had the plague. Like I have some bad disease and I felt so abnormal. And then I remember it wasn't until the end of high school that one of my other friends started to experience anxiety and I was able to help her just from what I had learned. And then I was like, okay, like it started click for me that I was like, okay, maybe this isn't so embarrassing. And then, which is crazy how much has changed over the past few years, because when I first got to college was the first time I told people that I was on medication for it.

16:04And because other girls were. And I was like, oh, OK, like this is something that we all deal with. But like it just like wasn't as talked about. So I felt like there was something so wrong with me and I was so embarrassed of it. But now I don't care. It's crazy that, isn't it? It's exactly the same as me that I didn't want to tell anyone at all. And I remember, you know, I remember standing in a shower and just like haven't told anyone. I didn't I didn't say anything to anyone. And I was doing a TV show at the time and I was trying to be on this TV show. And I thought I was this like outgoing guy.

16:36And like and suddenly this plague had come over me and like taken away my whole personality. So I was trying to fake it all the time. And I finally said in the shower, I said, what's wrong with you? Like said it out loud and I admitted it to myself, phoned my mom up and said something's wrong with me. I don't know what it is. they'd said went to doctors said you have general anxiety disorder I said well how do I get rid of it and and they said you don't you don't and I said no no tell me how do I get rid of it I need to get rid of it tomorrow because I got this isn't this and they said you can't you have to learn to accept it and I went but I don't want to accept it and I think you're in that same place as well which is as soon as you start accepting then that's the sudden path to freedom when you can kind of go it's okay this is who I am and that's all right yeah definitely feels like you can be trapped in it and so like what did you do kind of to get over it or mitigate it or help great question i truthfully i'll be honest with you because it shows i drank a lot it was really bad and because what happened was as i was young i was going out a lot and for me alcohol suddenly i found this alcohol drink that just like cured it it just went away and so i was like well this is fine this i can just drink this and then what happened was is that i was like going on nights out and getting too drunk because I was trying to relieve the anxiety.

17:51And then that was a little bit of problem. And so then I started going to therapy. Therapy for me was just the greatest thing in the world. Once you talk about it, it's not as scary once you say it out loud. And that's what's something I try to tell now. And even when I'm on social media and just talking about like, oh my gosh, my anxiety is really bad today. It really does help even if someone you're in the room with and you're just like, hey, I'm feeling anxious right now. And just admitting it out loud, It really helps, even though it sounds stupid, but it helps.

18:25I saw that, I think it's the sweetest Instagram post I've ever seen anyone write. You just had your one year anniversary. Yes, with my boyfriend. That is pretty special to have that. It is. And it's funny because I was always really bad at being fully comfortable with being vulnerable in a relationship, I think, because I got so burned the first time. I was always like, I am not going to let this happen again. So I was always the very closed off one. I would never really like post with a boyfriend like that or do anything like lovey-dovey because I was like if things go to shit like I'm gonna be like oh this didn't affect me and that for a while was affecting my relationships because I wasn't opening up and like fully committing and Braxton is someone who's really really patient with me and like even when we started hanging out it was like nine months before we started dating because I was like I don't have feelings for you I don't like you.

19:34I don't want a boyfriend. And I was so cold hearted. And he was like, you have this armor on it. That's crazy. I did. And he was like, come on. And he was so patient with me. And I mean, he's really given me no reason to think otherwise. I'm just like, then he's a great guy. And I kind of had to like, accept with myself. I was like, okay, you have to like, let yourself love and let yourself, you know, get hurt. Like maybe, maybe I will get hurt. Maybe something will happen, but like, you're never going to fully know if this is like your person or right for you if you're not giving 100%. So for a while, I was giving like 20%.

20:07And I was like, I don't have feelings. I don't care. And I was trying to be like a cold hearted, cool bitch.

20:18I want to go more into that. But just where do you think that comes from, though? Where there must have been a moment in your life where suddenly you just went right I need to put this shield up and protect myself here it was after I I literally had gotten cheated on just like so blatantly and then would take him back and I mean this boyfriend would come home for holidays and I was like because we did long distance he was in college and he would come back and then go to a party not invite me while we're in like the same town like 10 minutes away from my house hook up with another girl and then like come back and be like but I love you and I was like I was just I was so messed up and then when that was finally over I was like I don't ever want to feel this way again because I just felt like such shit and I was like I will not let myself feel that way so then I tried to be like man eater cold-hearted whatever yeah and I mean I think it was helpful in some ways I think in college and just everyone's kind of a little bit of an asshole and cruised through that.

21:24And then I realized that it was a little bit of a problem. Because it's so important to be vulnerable in relationships. And you're so right. That's the hardest thing to lean into to suddenly go, okay, here I am. This is me. Accept it. And we do. We hold a little bit back all the time because we're so scared that people are going to find out our true selves because maybe our true selves aren't good enough or you're going to hurt me or whatever. and once you lean into that space it's like the most beautiful thing in the world it is and it's good and I'm loving it it's been great even like I shock myself with like how deeply I feel or sometimes like the things I do and I'm still like opening up and healing from that space that I used to be in but um it really just like month by month gets better more open um he's a real stud yeah i've been i've been checking him out on instagram he's a real stud but it but it's also but also you have to deal with maybe things because he's a he's an athlete right and i just seen he's got injured you know he's been injured he's out for the season he's playing for miami dolphins and that must be pretty tricky yeah it's hard to hear and find out that he got hurt and then just being with him uh the first two weeks of his recovery and to see him like be really broken down about this he's so motivated and always like go go go and he's very routine so for him to like have to sit in bed all day and then like be on crutches and can't even walk to the bathroom and seeing him get so frustrated with that was it hurt me so much just because it felt so bad for him.

23:04But he's doing really good now, and I'm just trying to be positive reinforcement, some good entertainment. I got his checkers and Rubik's Cubes. I'm like, this is great. Let's take up checkers. We don't even need to leave the bed. You're trying to force hobbies on him? Yeah. Honestly, checkers is great, though. I haven't played in so long. You're bringing him checkers and a Rubik's Cube? You're like, hang on, just do this. The Rubik's Cube, though, I had to quit, though, because I almost lost my mind. Do you have ADHD or no? Definitely. Yeah, same. I don't think diagnosed, but I can't focus on something for more than a second.

23:44I'm exactly the same. They told me that doing a Rubik's Cube would help. It's the worst. I said, this actually makes my brain hurt. No, it hurts, right? I was like, oh, my God. I really couldn't conceptualize how to get this last color up to the top with all the other colors. And I was like, I'm going to throw this thing through the window. And like, I just got, I got so mad. Like it just, I don't ever want to see a Rubik's cube again. Who said I love you first? Um, wait, I have no idea. Oh, wait, I do remember. I'm so dumb. I do. I was like, I know that there's a story. I was like, I'm not trying to like hide this from you.

24:26I know that there's a story. I just forgot. So it was actually me. Okay. And it was before his first football game last year. It was my first time going, seeing him play. Me and my friends were outside tailgating. I'm like, tequila shots. This will be so fun. And I went down to see him on the field. And I was just like, hey, have a good game. He comes over to hugs you. You get five seconds. And then he runs away. And I was like, I love you. And he looked at me. And then he was hugging my friend like while he was processing what I just said. And then he looks at me and like we both laugh. And then he runs off into the locker room and didn't say I love you back.

25:07And for the whole game, I was like, I was like, I've got to go. Like what? I just said I love you to this man. And he said nothing back to me. And I was so freaked out. And then after the game, I was like, hey, says like, you know, like, but I like accidentally said something like before he was like, yeah, like, I figured like you might have been drunk and it was just like an accident so like I didn't say it back and then I was like shit I was like well I did mean it but I was like how do I say like I mean it and then I think like a day later or something he ended up saying it to me but it was me first and it was not reciprocated so there's so many things that like I it wasn't just before his game you dropped that bomb on him as well he's just like what and then he has And someone had a video of it.

25:51It surfaced on my For You page of me hugging him and my friend, and then it was us dying laughing. And it was like, I wonder what they're dying laughing about. And I was like, I just told him I loved him. And nothing was said back. What's your love language? um access service as well touch is amazing but it's when you're a team together doing stuff that for me is just like everything I think that's a big thing I learned in this relationship is how much not how much work goes into it but like it takes effort from both sides and like constantly working like putting effort in and showing that you want it to work and you want it to be better and you want it to grow.

26:35And I think, you know, like continuing to keep showing up for each other and showing out in different ways. Totally. Can I ask a personal question as well? Feel free, you don't have to talk about it, but you know, my family went through a divorce and your family went through a divorce. Yeah. The difference was is that you're, from what I understand, is that your family's divorce was quite high profile. Yeah. how hard was that? It was hard. And I think that's something that, you know, when they say everything happens for a reason and it doesn't feel like it in the moment, that was definitely one of those moments where I was like, my world is crashing.

27:17Like what's going on? And then everyone in my school knows what's going on. And I was so embarrassed. And then it's like going through that and having eyes on us, I think at a young age really helped honestly with now and just like the way I'm able to kind of brush things off or accept things. I think everything does happen for a reason. And, you know, family's great now, so it's good. But it was definitely hard when I was young. So, like, going through a divorce and that was another thing is a lot of the families around me weren't getting divorces. So, I was like, what's going on with, like, what's wrong with my family?

27:53Like, you know, I was the only one that, like, with school events, like, I would have, like, my parents coming separately too and you know holidays it was like split holidays so I was just I felt like a little bit out of the norm with that um do you think that's why you also put up a guard maybe probably yeah that's something that you know in therapy we've talked about and I'm not your therapist so I shouldn't go deeper Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.

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30:00Alice, what were you like as a young kid? I was really shy. Were you really? Yes, I was so unbearably shy if someone would ask me a question. It's like, I wasn't as bad as my sister, but even ordering at a restaurant would scare me. I was just, I was really, really quiet. Really? And then, yeah, I guess it was in front of other people. Like I was always, took me a while. Like I remember with like babysitters when I was little, like it would take me a while to like warm up to them. And I still am kind of that way with people, but not as much anymore. You're looking at me, you're like. No, my wife Sophie was like that.

30:36She used to hide underneath her mom's dress when anyone tried to speak to her. She just didn't like that. And she had to teach herself to come out of her, sort of, you know, sort of her shyness in a way. Yeah, I get a little nervous at first when meeting people. And then I think I went through a phase in middle school, early high school, where I was having some troubles making girlfriends. And then I think that was another thing for me where I was like, well, I don't want to open up to people because when I do, they're just mean to me. so I was pretty quiet and reserved and it would take a while for me to open up to people and it still does at times but I like have retrained myself to be a little bit more outgoing because people would start to be like oh she's a bitch because she's not talking but I was just like I I mean I do have a bad case of the RBF and I also people don't know what is the RBF just the resting bitch face it's probably going to like come out throughout this um you'll be talking and I'm like standing there just such a blank face and it's something I've been trying to work on.

31:36So, okay, so you growing up, you found schooling a little bit tough. When did you kind of come out of your shell, would you think? When did you start to become a bit more confident in yourself? Probably the end of high school. Once I found good friends, then I felt a little bit more confident. I was like, oh, okay, I can do this thing. Like people like me because I think trouble like in middle school, like honestly, the girls were just really rude. So for me, it was like, oh, something's wrong with me or like I'm not cool enough or good enough for them. So I like started to doubt myself. And then obviously that resulted in like a lack of confidence.

32:09So I feel like once I got a good group of friends and I am such like a loyal friend, like the friends that I've had in high school that like kind of brought me out of my shell. They're still my friends to this day, like been my friends for 10 years. And I like to keep my circle. That's amazing. Like pretty close knit and the people that I'm friends with, I'm like ride or die and you're going to be by my side. It's like the people I made friends with the first week of college are still all my best friends now. So I really, really rely on my friends and they are really grounding for me. Do you hold grudges?

32:46Yes. I'm a big grudge holder. Are you really? You don't forget it? No. I can actually feel it on you. I can. No. Did you feel that? I can literally feel that on you. That is. So you hold it. What's your star sign? Can I ask? A Sagittarius. I don't know what that means. I don't know why I said that. What are you? I'm a Scorpio. I don't even know what that is. I just. I always hear the Scorpio. I'm a rising Scorpio. Does that mean we connect? I don't know. Is that a good thing? I think so. I'm honestly, I'm not the best with all of that, but a Sagittarius can be like pretty cutthroat, I think. I'm just blaming on that Really so you So if you've been cross Because I'm a little bit the same In some sense where I'm nice nice nice nice nice Always nice but if someone does something wrong To people I love to family members or something like that Yeah I'm the worst With that I'm really like Once you do something wrong in my eyes You are done and it's just like Yeah maybe that's Something I should work on but No it's good to hold yourself I think it's a good thing.

33:53I am a pretty big grudge holder, but I've been trying. I've actually been trying to let go of things this year and move on. And I think everyone makes mistakes, but I am a grudge holder at my core. There's a great saying, which is not that you want to seek revenge, but it's kind of about grudge and things like that, which is seeking revenge is like drinking poison and wanting the other person to die. It only hurts yourself. Yes. And I think that's something I went through where it's like, if you're really happy with yourself, like you don't need to wish bad upon others. But I think I'm more of a grudge holder.

34:31And just like, if you're going to do something wrong, like I just, you're out of my life. And like, I don't need to like, try and take you back. Or it's like, maybe you see things over multiple times. I've been pretty good at cutting off people. That's pretty strong. That's a strong personality. most people, I would say I fall into that. If some, I try not to, but most people do. If you fall into the category where people, they do something wrong to you and then they try and make it up, you kind of go, okay, no. But actually, again, I bring Sophie up, my wife again, but she's very much like that.

35:06I remember when I first started dating Sophie. I mean, we just kissed for the first time, whatever. And then I went out and she found out that I kissed someone else. She was like, by the way, I'm done. And not about it, she was like, look, we can still be friends, but that's not what I do ever. Like if you want to hang out with me, you just hang out with me and just let you know that this won't happen. I went, okay, fine. I think you'll get over it, whatever. She didn't. It took me like six months to try and win any sort of, and it wasn't even that it was like. Had to put in the work. Totally.

35:37But it was a great thing and it made me realize how important it is to hold yourself in such a position. I think it's important to know. It's like, you know, setting a standard for yourself for what you like. And I think like with guys, it's if they're not going to treat you the right way, I'm pretty good at like cutting someone off. But I've been trying to work on the grudges because I don't I don't think holding hatred in your heart is good. But I think I guess for me, when I say grudge more of like I won't I just won't forget what you did. Have you ever had your heart broken? Yes, I have. You have.

36:15Mm hmm. I would say my first heartbreak was I was dating this guy. He was older than me. And it was he was like going into college and in college and I was in the end of high school. So he was older than me. In my mind, he was just like a god. And I mean, he cheated on me. I took him back, cheated on me again. And like that was just like such a heartbreaking cycle. Honestly, that was maybe what changed things a little bit for me because I kept forgiving and I was so forgiving and I just was trying to see the good in him. And like, I think with like your first love or your first heartbreak, you're just so, I just couldn't see how someone that loved you could do that to you.

37:00And it's like, maybe, maybe they don't really love you, you know? and like that just didn't process for me and I would just blame myself for a lot of things so that was my big first heartbreak can I tell you a story about my first heartbreak please do it's the most embarrassing thing please do I I was in love with this girl and she broke up me on a bridge and I was about 15 and I got down on my hands and knees and begged her but that's what it feels like Alex, when I was crying, my tears were landing on her gray plimpsils, making marks on them. On her what? On her shoes, like she had gray shoes on.

37:42They were making marks. I looked over her and she was looking at me like I was some like sweet little dog. Oh, that's really sad. And the worst thing about it, I was still on my hands and knees and she says, I got to go now. So she walked off and I banged to the ground my head in a puddle. but that's what it feels like it's just like this can't be a real feeling but it but it actually can't be a real feeling that when someone does that to your heart it's like are you kidding me what the fuck is this yeah and you will just do anything to try and get that person back or at least i did um how do you get over heartbreak then so someone listening now so many people love you they're listening and they're going okay i'm going through heartbreak i'm going through something how do you get over it how do you get through it I think you have to I mean I think you got to give yourself a grace period of like you're going to be sad you're going to be upset you're going to go through the crying on hands and knees and you know wanting to beg for that person back but you've really got to accept I think like why something ended and I think if someone broke up with you I think that's always hard of like why don't they want me but I've you really have to get into the mindset of like, you don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you.

38:56And I think that that's okay, you know? And it's not like, there's nothing wrong with you. Just sometimes there's not a match or there's a disconnect or people just don't align or maybe it's not the right time. So I think that's something because people get so worried about like the other person or even when girls are dating, I feel like it's always like, oh, like they didn't text me back or, oh, like he didn't ask me out on another date. But it's like, Like, are you even stepping back and realizing like, wait, do I want to date this person? Like, do I want to go on another date with them? And most of the times it's just kind of like you want what you don't have.

39:30But I will say with like a heartbreak, that's something that you've got to accept and move on. And then I think like doing things for yourself whenever you're ready, which I'm like, we've got to get up and go fast. Like, we're not going to sit in bed for three months. But I think like. Is that what you're like? so you're just like you can get over it well now I'm a little bit more cutthroat than I was when maybe I was like 18 going through this um which I don't even remember at that time but I'm like you definitely gotta surround yourself with like friends family you have to distract yourself because that's another thing of like going through a heartbreak is like your routine with that person it's like maybe you go to bed together you watch movies together you're used to waking up and you text them but it's like you need to replace that with like friends or family or a co-worker anyone text a fake number but like you have to like do this do the snapchat AI that answers you but like you have to you haven't seen that what is this there's like a little snapchat AI robot that like will just be your friend and answer you so if you're feeling lonely unbelievable um but i think that's another big thing is like you have such routine with a person and then it's gone and you're like i don't know what to do with myself so i think finding a distraction and then i always say it's like treat yourself like go get your hair done get your nails done put some self tanner on pluck your eyebrows whatever's gonna like make you feel better and i I think like when you feel like you're presenting better, I feel like you just feel a little better.

41:17I don't know if you know this, but you have a lot of followers. I don't know if you've noticed, but you've got a lot. You've got a lot. Matt, your fame was like just sudden in so many ways. It was. You gained this huge following online so quickly through TikTok. and the first time I ever sort of realized who you were was I was sitting with my friend Georgie who will be so excited I've even mentioned her name on this. She was actually my best woman at my wedding. Oh, nice. Yeah, she's the best. I've known her since I was a kid. And she said, you've got to check out this girl who is just blowing up on TikTok.

41:57She's amazing. And I was like, what is so amazing? She's like, she's authentic. She's this. She's just truly herself. What was the video for you that you remember when traction started to happen, when you started to realize that TikTok was starting to boom? It really was kind of like a snowball effect over, I would say like four to five months. It started with, I had like 100, 200 ,000 followers on TikTok. It was like 100 ,000 from just posting chronically over the years because I was like, I will do anything for a viral video on this app. I was like, please. I tried dancing on there, I was doing skits, and it just really wasn't working.

42:34How was your dancing? Because you were a dancer, right? Yeah, but it was like the TikTok dancing during quarantine where they're like growling at the camera. It wasn't good. Are these still out there? No, not the really bad ones. I have thought about posting them at one time because I just don't think that people would believe that that's something I put on the internet. So you were growling at the camera? You know the ones I'm talking about. Well, that's okay. Then we don't need to know. But yeah, I was dancing. I was trying a bunch of different things and I gained some followers somehow through that and then I think it's when I really started to post about my acne and then how I covered my acne with makeup is when I started to see like girls in my comment section and you know actual people not just like bots with like little hearts and I was like oh wow like this is really like connecting with people so I started to do it more and more and uh I then kind of had these get ready with me videos that I made for probably like a year or so before this um and then I was going into my senior year of college and it was just like here we go going into college and I think University of Miami is such a crazy experience um so it's just it's not real life like being in the city of Miami and, you know, we're going to these like pool parties and then to a club and then it's on a boat and then it's like just everything we're doing just seems so surreal.

44:06So I really started just storytelling of like my senior year of college, what I was doing, continuing to post about like my acne, bringing in my friends. And it was really like through the fall, I started to grow an audience and grow followers. And then I think it was when I went home for the holidays, November, December, it like just hit a spike. And I just like couldn't believe what was, or it was Thanksgiving. I hit a million followers on Thanksgiving and I was sitting around with my family on the couch and we were watching like the numbers go up. And then it was like, it was nice because my whole family was there and my family was like, what are you doing on there?

44:43Like, why are people following you? I was like, I don't know, but I'm going to keep going with it. What did your family say? um in the beginning they didn't understand and it was actually a there was a on espn on christmas i had just broken up with a boyfriend then and espn was like the only person that's being talked about this week more than santa is alex earl and my dad that's when my it caught my dad's attention he was like what's going on he was like what are you doing and people were sending it to my parents and they were like i really don't understand like what's she doing on there like what's what's happening um but now my parents are very invested in tiktok and they're they're on it probably more than they should be i see them on it now they're on it yeah which is great i love it they're watching it they're watching it like my dad is up with all the tiktok drama before i know he's sending me like the gossip pages of things and i was like dad you've got to get off tiktok but i think but if you yeah get off tiktok but if you dive deeper into it right you you you because that fame and And that like attention and that you get attention from brands.

45:50You're getting attention from men, women, from everything, from media. That's a lot to handle. And it's exciting and it's fun and that's great. But there's also a downside to all of it, which is not like there's a dark side, right? Yeah, there's a dark side. And I think for me, I never, I mean, this is like the biggest blessing ever. So I would never like see it and be like, oh, the downside. But there is, you know, stuff that you don't consider and you get thrown into a lot very fast. And it's like, I'm just living my life, my senior year of college, like going out, sharing my life. And now it's all of a sudden it's like you have these followers and you have this platform.

46:28And now it's like you're held to such a high position and you're supposed to know the right and wrong things to do. And I'm like, I'm just a girl. I don't know all the time. Like, I don't know all the answers. Like, I'm still figuring out who I am. um so i think that's a part of it but i've always been pretty good at like like chatter and stuff just letting it go there's this thing which is now called the alexisle effect have you heard this when brands work with you apparently yes this is insane where if some brands can work with you and some brands have seen a hundred percent in terms of their uh search engines and things happen where the brands just go wild as soon as you start talking about things.

47:15That is crazy, the power that you have. It is. I'd say like my audience is their ride or dies. And I think for me, it's really about like what we talked about in the beginning of just keeping that authenticity. And I think the power of saying no has been something that I've had to learn and not working or not taking deals just because of the paycheck, but taking it because it's something that you like and a brand you want to associate yourself with. I remember in the beginning, I had this. I can't wait. I think this was like the first big offer I got. It was with like my old management because when I had 100 ,000 followers, I had this manager all the way in Australia.

47:58She was great. Love her. You love her long distance. Love long distance. You love long distance. It's the commitment issues. and I uh she got this offer for it was a head wrap that would help with migraines but it was like a helmet like a big helmet with like all these little stickers on it it like looked crazy but I saw the number and I was like I was like oh I'm I was like I might consider taking this and then I was like okay but like what I have this loyal audience who trust me trust my opinion and then I'm going to go post and be like, this is the best head cap. It helps with my migraines.

48:35Like I just know that I would lose the respect of my audience and that trust that we have and in turn say no is the best thing looking back two years later. Yeah. But in the moment. What were they offering you? Come on. Was it a lot? It was a lot. And I think it was a lot. And I just was, I wanted to take it and I didn't take it. And it's in return, you know. It's amazing. You know, it's the not, you're thinking longevity. I almost want to show you this. There was a person that I know who did take a deal in the UK. And she's a friend of mine. And she did a deal. And I was like, what have you done here?

49:15She did it where it was called the boyfriend arm, which is where you could buy an arm. To just like hang on you? Hang on you if you were lonely on the sofa. Well, maybe that's good for the girls going through a breakup. Maybe that's what they should get. It is not. Get a Rubik's Cube. That is not good. Wow, that's good. But that's amazing that you have that mindset, that sort of brand mindset. Yes. And I think that's because of this effect or whatnot with my audience. I didn't want to lose that trust. And I think that's ultimately gotten me far and, you know, further than it would have if I started like pitching all these things that I didn't really believe in.

49:55and it is crazy when you're working with brands and I'm you know all of a sudden I'm like applying to marketing internships my senior year of college and all of a sudden I'm like talking to the CEOs of these massive brands and I was just like what is my life right now and I had to learn a lot really really fast well done it's amazing and um yeah it's been it's been a good journey but it's crazy because I love what you've done with you did with poppy oh yeah poppy's great it's what What you did, I have a confection, I have a candy brand, right, in the UK. And we're over here as well. And I love what you did because they got you, and I spoke about this yesterday, they got you a house and Coachella.

50:35And just with all your buddies. Yeah. And said, you do you. And you were like, great. It's so clever the way that they did that. Because you're so trusted in that space. It's amazing. That's something that I've tried to do. So Poppy, I have like I invested in Poppy and then I have like a longer term contract with them. So that's what I've been looking to do more recently. And a lot of like behind the scenes of the past year has been like, all right, what brands can I invest in or get equity in and kind of go for the long haul and create those like authentic partnerships? Because Poppy, I was like, I love these little sodas.

51:09Like I was never drinking anything really besides coffee. And then I started drinking them like crazy. And I was like, these are great. So it's really cool to be able to work with brands in that way. And then when brands kind of can think outside of the box and they're able to be creative with you. And that was such a crazy moment. It was like, I think the Poppy, they said the Poppy Coachella thing did better than like their Super Bowl commercial. So it was like that was crazy to see. And when it's authentic, I think it just comes off in such a fun, organic way. Alex, you were voted by Rolling Stone the eighth most influential creator in the world, I think it was.

51:48I don't know. Is that what? Like, it's so, it's so crazy. Yeah, but do you know what I see, which is so endearing with you, which is so amazing, is that you still, you have this real sense of just like, you still find it crazy. You still find it wild that these things are happening. It is crazy. It is. And even when you talk about this, like, I get uncomfortable talking about myself this way because I don't know. I don't know. But it is really crazy. Do you think it's imposter syndrome? Yes, 100%. And that people ask all the time if like I'm out somewhere, I'm meeting a lot of girls and people are like, this is not so annoying or whatever.

52:26And I'm like, the fact someone wants to come up to me and say hi to me is actually crazy. Like that is like if you were to tell 10 year old Alex this, like she would be bonkers right now. So it's like I never take it for granted. And I think, you know, this is something where it's like it could all go away in a second. And I think a lot of people like let it get to their head pretty fast. So it's something that just tried to stay like really grounded in. If you could have one dream that you want to do, if you said, okay, this is what I want to do. This is where I want to go. Where is it? Do you want to create a brand?

52:59Do you want to host? What do you want to do? Because I feel like you can do anything. Start my own brand. That's the ultimate goal. And that's something that I've wanted to do ever since I was a kid because my dad and his brothers have their own company. And I always was like, that's so cool. and just watching them create something and just the company culture that they built. I just always thought it was so cool. That's my ultimate goal for now. You can't give me any hints? No.

53:32I love the fact that you're so conscious about your community and you want to help your community and want to help people and build that. If someone's listening right now and they want to follow in your footsteps, which is very hard, it's impossible to do that, but they want to be on social media. They want to create brand. They want to build a profile in that space. What advice would you give them? I mean, there's a lot of different advice and it is harder now to grow just because there's so much oversaturation on there, which is why I think the most important thing is to be yourself. And I think that's the one thing is you can put in the work.

54:11and put in the effort. And I think the one thing, the crazy part about it is that it's just people find you and like you and want to lift you up and want to follow you. So it's like, do what you like and whatever that is, it's going to be easier to do a lot of, you know what I mean? Like a lot of people are like, oh, how do you post so much? Or does it get tiring? And I like, no, I love doing this. So I think find whatever your niche is and find your voice. And because you and your personality and your story is going to be the only thing really that can really differentiate yourself and find what you're passionate about on there and then just keep going with it.

54:51Like I was posting on there for three and a half years every day. It was not going well. And then all of a sudden it just like takes a turn. So I think if it's something you're really passionate about, you got to stick to it and don't give up on yourself with videos not getting views or anything you know I was posting the same videos I was my senior year of college my junior year but like just no one found me then so I think just really you got to be patient with it and stick to it and it's hard on social media especially because then you feel like embarrassed like for me I always was like I'm posting all this stuff and people would be like she's like pretending she's an influencer and I was and people would make fun of me for it but then it worked out it worked out Alex I've honestly I realized that this is so generous to give you give me your time so I want to thank you so much for this we like to end the show with eight questions are you ready for this I think so okay what's the saying or phrase that always makes you smile or cheers you up uh want to get drinks it's actually the best it's the best best compliment anyone's ever given you best compliments are honestly when I meet parents out that say that their young girls follow me and like they're proud to have their daughters watch me or that I've helped them through something whether it's like mental health eating disorder just help them with their confidence help them through a hard time that's like what just means the most to me um so that's the best compliment I think it's so impressive that you've sort of been spoken about sort of eating and things like that as well right that's an impressive thing I think I think it's amazing that you've done that thank you it's incredible what scares you most about yourself there's a lot um like I said I'm competitive with myself so sometimes I'll you know self-doubt or talk negatively to myself um Um, so I think that's, can be scary at times.

56:57Great answer. Something we gotta fix. When was the last time you cried? What day was that? Whenever my boyfriend posted that post for our one year, I was crying. And then he sent me flowers and then I had a glass of wine and I was crying again. What's something you can't let go of? Someone who's wronged me. Any names? Not today. Not today. Next time. Next time, okay. What's something you'd be embarrassed for people to know you like or want? I don't know if there's much I'm embarrassed about. Maybe that's it, nothing. Maybe that's a good, nothing. I don't think anything, really. I love that. What turns you off?

57:41When someone is rude, especially to a waiter, or I'm thinking of turn off on a date or something, rude to staff. It drives me crazy. That is mine. I promise you. What turns you on? Someone who can make me laugh. What do you like most about yourself? I think probably my loyalty to the people that I love. And bonus one, favorite swear word? third bit swear word cunt I was like that's gonna sound so weird Alex thank you so much I appreciate it

58:30okay what do you think that was brilliant I'm annoyed because I wasn't there she's great but yeah really fantastic I mean Alex if you're listening to this thank you so much for giving me your time We're buddies now, which I like. Are you? Yeah, I think so. Which is good. I also just like the fact that we're starting to move into American guests. And by the way, that's thanks to you, the listener, for allowing that to happen. So thank you for subscribing and watching and listening to the show because it means we can spread out and spread our wings over there. Would you like to come to the US of A with me?

59:01Yes, please subscribe so they can get me a ticket next time. So they can get you a ticket and you can come out and interview some people with me. Yeah, for sure. I would love that. By the way, I have an idea that we should start creating a bonus episode. I think that is definitely worth discussing more. And I think we should discuss it more. And I think it should be an involvement with listeners. And I think it should be a question and answer sort of session in between you and I. And I think it would be wonderful. And hear me out because these things just go, we're very real and authentic on the show.

59:31Go on. This is the first time whatever he's about to say is coming out. I think we should ask the listeners, our owls as you like to call them, to send in some questions that they would like us to answer for them. So if you do have a question for us that you would like us to do on our bonus episodes, which at some point we're going to start, please send them into at Great Company Podcast on Instagram. Or you can send us an email. Greatcompany at jampopproductions.co.uk. Everything is in the show description. Send us any question you want and we'll answer it on our bonus episodes. That will be launching at some point.

1:00:06At some point. I'm so glad you didn't say it that'll be launching next week no at some point we just want to collect all of these questions and we can do that okay team I hope you had a great day Jemima I hope you had a great day thanks I did I'm glad to be back in the UK with you I'm glad you're back okay alright everybody have a great day we'll see you next week for another episode of Great Company

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