ASHLEY ROBERTS: How I Built a Life That Works For Me | GREAT MOMENTS

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2:42Hello everyone, I'm Jamie Lang and this is Great Moments.

2:49Guys, welcome back to another episode of Great Moments. Hope you're having a good day. Now, we are looking back at my conversation with the incredible Ashley Roberts. Now, Ashley was a joy to talk to. She was a pussycat doll. She's funny, honest, open, and I learned so much about her during our chat. Now, we picked one of my favorite moments to share with you. And if you like this, you'd love the full episode. Okay? You can find that in the show notes. So just go and click on that. Okay? So enjoy this Great Moments with Ashley Roberts.

3:21I started doing therapy when I was about 27 years old. And I suddenly started to realize like a lot of things. Like I thought I was going to get to the age of like 30. And someone was going to open a door and go, come on here, here are all the secrets. And I was like, brilliant. I can't wait for that I can't wait I can't wait to find that out and then 30 years I was like fuck everyone is guessing everyone doesn't really know what's going on this is everyone's first no one's had a dress rehearsal no I know this is it this is it yeah I mean that was a scary moment I think Riri said like fake it till you make it like it's just and it's such a sort of cheesy line but it's true like none of us have it figured out we're all trying but at least I think again like with doing this book and sharing it is I want people to be open to trying new things that could help them feel better and help calm down, you know.

4:12Because anybody, even if you don't have high stress levels and a lot of anxiety, like this kind of stuff will help you just feel good. Do you think being positive is a coping mechanism or a defense mechanism? Ooh, that's a good, ooh, might be a bit of both, you know. Because I have that as well. I love being positive. Yeah. I really like that. And when actually when I had this in relationships in the past, when I was in relationships and people were being negative, I didn't like, I couldn't handle it, can't handle that, can't handle that. Don't bring that in here. And that wasn't so good. So it wouldn't allow other people to express their emotions in a relationship that well because I didn't want that space.

4:52I'd rather deny that. Interesting. Like you mean even at all? At all, yeah. Oh, wow. I never, ever liked it. I never liked it. Interesting. I wonder what that is. And so then when I started doing therapy, I started to understand like how you can open up and understand these different emotions. And then I started to be able to accept negative emotion and realizing that actually being positive all the time, you don't have to be that. You don't have to be all this heightened stuff all the time. But actually being still and feeling the emotions is a good thing. Yeah, there was this study actually that like there was a high percentage of people that would rather get electric shock than sit with their own emotions.

5:31what yeah i mean then the percentage was like extremely high so i think that just goes to show yeah i mean it you know it's not necessarily fun but that's sort of how you get through it on the other side and get growth and evolution within yourself being positive is a great thing right totally but too much of anything is probably too much do you know when i um when i spoke about my darker times which I never had done really before and I'd opened up about like the way that I felt and things like that it was so good to share because it made everyone perceive me differently and they they realized that there were there were different sides to it yeah and I almost feel like this book that you're doing is going to do that for you as well where you show every side of yourself and that authenticity that is coming out is that is what's powerful well you know I feel like it's interesting you and I, right?

6:27Cause like you said, when you see me, I give off light and you're the same way. Like when you're in that, when I come into your presence, I know I'm going to get like a burst of joy, but also you were very inspiring to me going on that run and being vulnerable within that. I'm serious. Cause I was like, look like, wow, like he's really opening up right now. And I was in the midst of writing this book and I was like, okay, like it's time, It's time to sort of be a full human, right? Because we're not all just one thing. We're so complex. And yeah, I feel like there's, I feel like I'm kind of maybe growing up a bit as well, just to be able to share all this.

7:04But you were a big inspiration for me during that. And the thing is, is I still look at you as this big ball of joy, you know, even though. Same to you. You know what I mean? So you haven't lost that sparkle. If anything, it's probably brighter and reaching more people. Judith, this is a really annoying question. I actually kind of hate it when people ask these things, but I'm going to ask you. Oh, God. Well, because I think it's only because I'm on that path. And I've heard you speak about it. We always talk about, there's this silly analogy that people talk about where women get concerned when they think about having kids, right?

7:41As they start to get older. Would you at some point want to have kids? Well, I do open up a bit about this in the book. It has really never been a priority to me. Even as a young kid, I told my mom, I'm like, I don't think I want kids. I don't really care if I get married. It wasn't like I was the girl planning the wedding and seeing the whole like, you know, white picket fence and all that. So and I kind of kept thinking, well, maybe when I get older, that will shift. And I'm like, has it really shifted? So again, I mean, who knows? You know, every day, I think we got to allow ourselves to exist in the possibility of waking up the next day and feeling different.

8:24Although, you know, as a woman, we've got our biological clocks. But again, going back to… But isn't it funny, just quickly, that it's so interesting that when… Because it's so funny. There's certain things in life which I find bizarre. Yeah. If you said to me, do you drink? And I went, no, I don't drink. Especially in English culture, they go, huh. And I'm not a murderer. I just don't drink. And I think it's sort of the same in life with kids. When someone says, do you want to have kids? And you go, well, I don't. People tend to go, huh? I know, right? Well, but you're meant to. That's what you're meant to do.

8:58And actually, there's no right or wrong way to do life. I mean, I'm going to say two things. One, I told you I was going to break the cycle. So there's that. Two, I love fluffy babies. I mean, like I could have like a load of dogs and be in heaven. So I think I might just have a little fur family and be so right with that. I mean, and that's how I feel now. Who knows? Later down the road is 2025. There's all kinds of ways. But that, you know, I could just have a fur family and be like happy as a pig and you know what. Pig and shit. Pig and shit. I heard that you said I want to spend my money on traveling because that's my love language that's my love language oh my god get me on paper like you're always on a plane I was like yeah I don't have kids I spend all my money on traveling because that's what I love to do and I can do it because I don't have kids shimmy shake to me and do you know what I swear to god so many people so many people whether they want to agree with you or not are going fuck she's right She's freaking right Right?

10:06Yeah Yeah 100 % 100 % I want to have a margarita With a little cute You know man Coming over And serving it to me It sounds fabulous I don't have to go to the kiddie pool

10:20What do you What do you like in a relationship? Ooh What do you like when you're in love? Yeah Well I mean you know There's been many areas of love But I think that This current one I'm in Is quite nice It's consistent it's kind it's thoughtful it's romantic it's it's my nervous system and honestly I swear to you Jamie it's because I've been doing this work get out of here I swear because there's just been a shift even my my friends my closest friends I said you know I've got my close circle like they're like Ash like you're different like something's different and when you again have a shift in perspective right how you operate in life then shows up differently and that sort of because you You could react differently.

11:03You process things differently. There's more self-awareness of, I mean, also that, you know, I've gotten older, but my boyfriend's, you know, younger than me. And I was like, first of all, I was like, no, we'll have, you know, this is fun, but like not going to go anywhere serious. But actually, the kind of human that he is, I was like, oh, that like my nervous system around you is really calm. You're consistent, transparent, just a beautiful human. And I was like, I want to lean into that instead of the other relationships that sparked up something that was probably what was more familiar to me as considered love, you know?

11:43Did you find in some relationships seemed to be hectic and chaotic and dramatic and fiery and you were like, oh, this is what it should be like. This is what a relationship should be like. Oh, yeah, all the chemicals be going off, the bells, the whistles, and you're like, whee, just rouge flags flowing all over the place. You're like, mm-mm, but you cute, but you cute. Waving that red flag, you're like, come on, whew, doing a parade down the street. And I'm like, yes, you, let's do this. It's so right, because then when things are like, when someone turns up and they're kind and it feels more still, that doesn't feel as exciting.

12:25But that is, because the way that sometimes our brains work, that calmness and stillness feels boring. But that is what we should be after. Yeah, but in a sense, it's not boring because we laugh and we have a good time and we're creative together. And there's so many other beautiful nuggets that come with it. So, yeah. And I honestly am like, when I did lean into him, I was like, well, you know, not physically or maybe physically, you know, all the leans. I patted myself on the back because I was like during it you went yeah I was like that was good yeah I like it you like it I like it we like it and I was like yes Chica you're choosing new things we liked it how much younger is he than you?

13:17come on he's 17 years younger than me let's go let's go But look at Bradley Cooper and Gigi Hadid 20 years, nobody even like bats an island You think I give a shit? I think it's freaking great I, in the beginning, was a bit like Ooh, I don't know about this But again, it was like the kind of person and human that he is Where I was like, I've dated loads of guys my age and older And they be acting like 13-year-olds Completely Emotional intelligence is like of a 5-year-old Wow What do you look for in a relationship? So what do you look for in a person?

13:55Again, like, you know, you want to have a good laugh. I think that's super important. You want to have fun. Because you're so funny. You are so funny. You are so funny. You are. And the two of you too. I mean, I just can't. I love you guys so much. Yeah, it's having that playfulness, having a laugh. Again, knowing that you're not going to be judged for how you dress or how you operate in the world or, you know, just being able to be yourself and be fully accepted of that is an awesome space to exist in. And if someone's listening right to this and they are maybe in a relationship that they know isn't right, but they feel stuck, how do you get out of that?

14:37Well, listen, I'm not, you know, a life coach over here. That's a… I feel like you are. Do you? Yeah, I feel like you are. Sit down. Don't worry. I mean, you know, sometimes we got to do brave things. Like, let me tell you, some of the relationships that I left were not easy ones to walk away from, but I knew in my gut it was what was needed to be done. And it was tough getting on the other side, but thank God that I did, you know? And I think if you can find that courage, that bravery within you, listen to that act, you know that it's not right for you, right? And like, come on, like, this is such a gift that we're here.

15:17Like, how do you want to spend it? And I know we cause a lot of chaos ourselves. So having someone by your side that makes you feel better is important. There's a lot going on. You know, we need a good ride or die, partner in crime. 100%, man. What is the bravest thing you've done? Oh, gosh. You know, I've done a lot of interesting things. I mean, you talk about, I mean, I've danced with snakes and I'm so fearful of those things. that felt pretty brave. But deeply, what is it? What is the thing that you are just the most proud of yourself? You're like, yeah. Is it this book, you think? I was going to say, currently, it's definitely this book.

15:57I mean, honestly, even though it's like, it's ironic because even as I'm talking about something that brings me so much peace and joy and comfort and it's caused me a lot of like, of anxiety and stress because I'm opening up about things that I haven't spoken about. And I'm also putting myself out there. Like, but the passion overrides that so much. So I'm like, all right, Chica, you just got to do this. And this is a thing. Like you said, none of us have it figured out. We're all just trying, you know, and so putting one foot in front of the other, trusting the process and just showing up anyways, even when you feel a bit like, oh, I'm not quite sure if I can do this.

16:37Something, you always get something out of it. There's always a lesson. There's always maybe someone you meet. there's an opportunity that might come in that went before by you know just taking that step feel the fear and do it anyways

17:12Is your kid's birthday coming up? Don't stress the prep. The Party Shop at Michaels is your one-stop shop for everything from bluey to rodeo. Transform your space into a birthday wonderland with dream-worthy tablescapes and decor starting at 99 cents. Plus, get free helium inflation on select balloon styles. Whether you're crafting a one-of-a-kind bash or grabbing the essentials, Michaels has everything to make their big day legendary. Shop now and order ahead for delivery or in-store pickup. Michael's everything to celebrate anything.

18:10You could instantly raise your FICO score by an average of 14 points with Experian Boost. Download the Experian app for free today. Results will vary. Users who received a boost improved their FICO score 8 from Experian by an average of 14 points. See App Store or Experian.com for details. Results will vary. Not all payments are Boost eligible. Users who received a boost improved their FICO score 8 from Experian by an average of 14 points. Some may not see improved scores or approval odds. Not all lenders use Experian credit files. And not all lenders use scores impacted by Experian Boost. See Experian.com for details.

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