Dani Dyer: Having Children Changed Me | GREAT MOMENTS

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1:12Hello everyone, I'm Jamie Lang and this is Great Moments.

1:19hey guys welcome back to another great moment seriously thank you so much for coming back if you're new these are our little snippets from our shows in the past from our catalogue and today i'm sharing a moment from my conversation with the amazing danny dyer now danny is honestly an absolute ray of sunshine and i loved speaking to her in this great moment she shares how becoming a mom changed her life and gave her the push to leave a relationship that wasn't right it's amazing She also talks about the real emotions that come with being a new mom, the tough, the good, and everything in between, and why it's so important for women to support each other through it.

1:51Now, if you enjoy this, you'll love Danny's full episode of Great Company. You'll find it in the show notes. Just go and click on it. It'll take you to the whole episode. And there are so many more shows that you may not have seen, so go and check them out. Also, while I got you here, I just want to mention one thing. Mine and Sophie's podcast, Newly Parents, is back. It went from nearly weds to newly weds to nearly parents, and now it's newly parents, and it's full of all the hilarious things that you've probably seen on the internet and our show if you listened to it before. We're going to leave a link to it in our show description so you can click on that as well.

2:20Okay, here we go. Enjoy this amazing episode with Danny Dyer on Great Moments.

2:28You're a wag though now. I hate that word. Okay, well... I don't understand why because it's just wives and girlfriends. I just think it's the way it's said, like she's a wag. Okay, well, Jared plays football for West Ham. Yeah. What are some of the chants that the fans... Oh, what... I've never made that chant. They need to DM me and let me know who it is because I want to know. What is the chant? Bowen's on fire and he's shagging Danny Dyer. Do you know my little boy says kissing Danny? He sings it in the back of my car sometimes, Santy. Bowen's on fire and he's kissing Danny Dyer. I'm like, that's your mother you're speaking about.

3:04I can't even ground him. That is a fire. And he's shagging Danny Dyer. Yeah, shagging... Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. My dad sings it. He thinks it's brilliant. Thinks it's brilliant. He says he starts to chant off sometimes. I'm like, yeah, all right, mate. So you break up with Jack. Yes. And then you have your son. Yes. Santiago. Little Santiago. Oh, he's lovely. He's so naughty though. He's really got me right around his finger. How old is he? He's five in January. Really? And he loves to cuddle me, but he also loves to wind me up. Oh, yeah. very cheeky and this was with your partner who was before Love Island the one that was just hell so realistically when I it's really I always speak openly before Love Island he never really wanted to settle down with me he was a massive player just massive and then when I come off Love Island obviously me and Jack split up we sort of reunited again and realistically that should have not been like I shouldn't have gone back there you know what I mean why did you go back because people talking again this the advice is I want to give the advice so Lucy or another Danny or Tom are sitting there thinking okay I'm in the same situation there's someone who I let go but now they're knocking on the door should I go back to them shouldn't I go back to them I'm confused what do I do I mean I think it depends what situation you're in because some people go back to their exes and it is the most successful relationship do you know what I mean like and it really works for them but I think like my friend said I think I went back there because he was someone that I knew and someone that you want a familiarity Yeah, that familiarity of like, I mean, you just, I was again at 21 and I was a bit like, oh, that didn't work out with Jack.

4:45So kind of know him. Like it's not, we'll probably just have a bit of fun or do you know what I mean? It's not going to be anything. And obviously I don't regret anything. I don't, I always say now, like I never regret anything because I think every decision you make, good or bad, leads you to the path you're meant to go on. And having Santy changed me as a person massively. So I'm so glad I had my Sant. So I think I had to go through a kind of tricky relationship to get my little boy to change me to move forward that's how I look at that relationship now because it god it changed me it really did how did it change you because I think I was always looking for the fire I never really looked at my future I was always very present and like I would do things that my friends was always like you never really think about like my best friend Kaylee she's like I think I drove her mad because she was always so sensible that I was the naughty little mate do you know what I mean she's the sensible one always in relationships and I'd ring her up and go okay look what I've done now and do you know what I mean she needed a bit of that though so I think when I when I got went back to that relationship I think I was just still going through that kind of and I mean I was who am I what am I what am I doing and I didn't really think um but yeah I think it changed me because I kind of really once I had sent it I was like right I'm an adult now and I've got to look after a child so all these stupid little things that I'm doing and being like just not care I can't explain what I mean but I just think I never really thought about anything so when I had my little boy I was like every decision I make is for my little boy now and I want to give him the best future ever I can't be giving him a toxic environment were you maybe did you plan Santee no no I don't because just before just before Santi I got pregnant and then that didn't work out and then I got pregnant literally I think so the first right so before I got pregnant with Santi I got pregnant and then that didn't work out but then I wanted a baby then because that didn't work out because I was like well I want a baby so this month I'm going to be not careful Do you know what I mean?

6:54Because it didn't work out. Because I think that happens with people. They either really want to have a baby or then they don't want to have a baby for a little while. And I think for me, I was like, no, I'm having a baby. And my mum and dad were fuming at the time. So I think we kind of... What did they say? How did... So you... Yeah. You fall pregnant. Yeah. I reckon you tell your mum first. You always tell your mum. You always tell your mum. I think I always as soon as I get the line on my pregnancy test they're like you ring your mum or your best friend do you know what I mean like straight away like the wee still in the toilet you're like mum Sophie when Sophie honestly showed it to me and I was like oh my god and then on the phone and I was like yeah whoa is this like I thought we were meant to you don't have a second I was the best feeling ever it's an amazing feeling but so you then phone your mum nervous to tell your mum yeah I was nervous to tell my mum and to be honest they were so they was happy for me with the baby.

7:52Like they were so happy that I was, they knew kind of what I went through. Do you know what I mean? So they was like, when obviously I got pregnant with Santi, they was like happy for me for that. But they was obviously, they knew that relationship that I was in was never going to work. So I think for them, they was like knowing that, right, she's going to have this baby, but she's probably not going to be with this person. And they obviously didn't want that for me. And I get it now because now I'm a parent, I totally get it. And I've said sorry to them so many times. I'm like, I'm so sorry what I put you through.

8:18Yeah. you know like you know when you're a teenager and you're really mean to them and I look back and I'm like God I've got so much karma coming but yeah I just feel like I get what they were saying now because I was like you're probably not going to be with him why are you having a baby it's so stupid do you know what a baby does it locks you in yeah like what are you doing and I was like I'm fine I can do what I want and all that sort of stuff so I think we had a little bit of that but then obviously as we progressed they were so happy because that was their little grandson or granddaughter you know what I mean so they ended up putting their emotions at bay and then just sort of getting me through my pregnancy can i the the pregnancy before was it a miscarriage yeah it was a miscarriage but it was but it was it was a very early miscarriage but i think it just when i got pregnant again i mean i don't know how many scans i had i was up there all the time it's really knocking at the door like can you check again can you check again they're like daddy come on i had a portfolio of santi honestly he weren't even born and he's got a hole literally I just thought I need to see him one more time no one talks about that no one talks about the anxiety that you feel because all you want to have is a healthy happy baby everything else is a bonus absolutely and it's so scary pregnancy is so scary so scary because it is like you're looking you're growing a baby like it's a miracle in a sense isn't it like looking after them and making sure you're doing the right things and don't eat this don't eat that it was scary for me what's your relationship like with santi's dad now with i would say we're very civil and i will always be really civil to him because obviously that's that's santi's dad do you know what i mean like there's got to be times you know with santi in school plays and his birthdays and i would never want santi to feel uncomfortable like santi's never going to know his mom and dad being together which i kind of I actually prefer that more because he's never going to know what he's missing in that sense because you always feel guilty do you always I always feel so because you know like when Jared walks through the door and the twins are like daddy daddy I fear that Santi does he feel I know he doesn't because he's four but like does he feel that that's not his daddy I always have them feelings but it's good because one of my twins Santi calls Jared JJ and Stammer keeps calling Jared JJ jay she goes calling him jay jay i'm like that's daddy so yeah i do i always feel guilty for santi and i probably do overcompensate with santi a little bit like i mollycoddle him a lot because i'm like it's me and santi against the world because i think there was a time where it was me and him against the world and we was on our own together so i just you know if santi goes i'm going to but danny the um you know it's um it's also it's a little bit like your own relationship with your mum yeah in a little bit and you know especially if you're you know your dad maybe was coming on the friday but it was like you and your mum young it's like we're against the world here and that's an amazing thing but your your ex-partner went to prison he did and that was a really hard time.

11:22I think for me as well, like we sort of got together and, um, it was like, it was a lot. Do you know what I mean? And do you know what it is as well? I think for me, I never really thought about what he was doing or I don't know. I don't know. Was I a little bit naive? I don't know. I just wasn't really ever paying attention when I should have. No, you shouldn't. By the way, take no, take no accountability. It was a hard time because I think for me, you're young and you're, you're, You don't think. Do you know what I mean? You also look, you're pregnant looking up and killing. And I think for me as well, then obviously going through the pregnancy and then it was all leaked to the press and then people really were hating on me.

12:01Like they were, the stuff I was getting and I never really, then when he went to prison, obviously everyone sort of blamed me and I was a bit like, I felt like I'd done the crime. Like I genuinely felt like I had done it and committed it because people, you know, the press were accusing me and it was a lot, a lot going on. And I remember sitting there and I was like, I don't know how to comment on this. I don't know what to say because anything I say is going to be manipulated or twisted. And I just loved the wrong person. Do you know what I mean? And I didn't want to ever say anything that was going to, Santi was going to see when he was older or I didn't want to go on YouTube and start crying.

12:36It's just not my, I just didn't know what to do. So I just stayed silent. And I stayed silent about it for years. I didn't speak about it for a very long time. Like I think only the past year now that I can actually speak about it. Almost like a PTSD thing. Yeah. Cause I just didn't want to speak about it. So worried what people are going to say. You don't want to bring up all those comments again and everything. And I totally get it. Like I totally get it. And I now and again, now I get the odd comment, but I mean. But you know, it's not your decision. Yeah. It wasn't my. But you do know that.

13:01Yeah. No, I know. Okay. Yeah. But I think it's when you get with someone, people just automatically think that you're like condoning that you're, you're accepting it and you know, you're with it. And, and I think for me, it was like, I just really loved the wrong person and, and just didn't really think about what he was doing. Do you know what I mean? Because I loved him. And I was like, you know, when the person is so wrong for you, but you're like, no, but I want to be with him. I want to prove everyone wrong. And you see the best. Prove my friends wrong, prove my family wrong. A hundred percent.

13:28And when you're in love, you're blinded by everything. And I was. I totally agree that love is blind in that sense. A hundred percent. So I think him going to prison was like the worst time of my life, but the best time of my life. And the fact that I was like, this is my time now. I had my little boy and I was like, this is it now. Because he went away for scamming people, right? And did you ever visit him in prison? No. You didn't? No, I never ever wanted to. I think for me, because we was never right for one another. And as soon as I had Santi, I knew what love was. I had my little boy and I was like, I love this little boy so much.

14:04And it's really weird. It was like a switch for me. Really? Yeah. It was like a switch. And I was like, he's my baby. And no, so I never, I never went and visited him at all. The strength of a mother. You become a lioness. Yeah, you are. I was looking after your little cunts, you know what I mean? And that's how I was. Do you know what's been really brave about you as well, Dani, is that you've spoken about the loneliness, the anxiety, the emotions that you feel during pregnancy and after pregnancy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you did a documentary about it. Yes, I did. What emotions did you feel? I think it's not really spoken.

14:43I mean, I think it's got a lot better now. I think women are speaking about anxiety and loneliness. You know, I think women are now, because I don't think women support women. I think a lot of women like to attack women. If a woman is moaning or they're a little bit down or they're a little bit lost, you know, and they speak about it, they always get someone coming, stop moaning, stop complaining, you're lucky to have a baby. You do still get quite a lot of that. And I feel like women should understand women. we all have to have a period every month we have moments when we feel a bit bloated and the first time you're bloated you notice a woman go you look fat there's still that whole concept of like women just don't like to support other women and I think for me when I did this documentary I just really wanted like women to just sort of come together and sort of see their stories and be like you know not every pregnancy you know is successful and you have this baby and when you have a baby you all of a sudden you're like oh my god I have a baby what do I do like you get sent home with this baby and you've got to look after the baby and I'm like like my mum come and live with me for a little while and she left and I was like you've got to come back mum you've got to come back.

15:49You were a single parent? Yes. And you're 22? 22 so that was hard and my mum used to like come over and fill up my fridge and all that sort of stuff. Because the doc you did is called Danny is this anxiety because it's there's a difference between anxiety and loneliness yes anxiety for me and I don't know if it's the same theory it's like this heightened like adrenaline feeling where it's just so uncomfortable but loneliness is one that no one really talks about because you're so isolated as a parent so isolated because you're sort of like living on a it's really hard to like get out of the door and like you're sort of living on a clock you know feed times changing times and you know you do have that and you haven't got that thing of like just being able to get up and go and your freedom goes you know like if you think i'm just going to get up and walk up to the shop or and like that postpartum thing of like you don't feel great in yourself because obviously like women all get it differently like some of my friends didn't get it some i did like the baby blues like you have really you have them weeks where you just cry over nothing like literally your toast will burn and you're sobbing over the toast baby blues can last a few weeks like it does it's not like a day thing it can last a few weeks a month six weeks but i think of postnatal depression it just carries on carries on and then you just feel really really low and like you can't get out of that and having to look after your kid and having to look after a baby when you don't want to look after yourself then you feel really like you we have mum guilt honestly mum guilt was the worst thing ever explain that to me you just feel guilty over everything like it's like you go on a night out and you feel bad for leaving your child but then you're at home and you want a night out and you feel bad that you want a night out because you should probably just be with your child you go to work you feel bad you're at home but i want to work it's like Like, constant.

17:27And then what happens with your partner is that you're annoyed at your partner for not feeling guilty because you're like, I'm feeling guilty. Why are you not feeling guilty about this as well? Especially because, like, when we had the twins, me and Jared, he was, like, I had to go back to football, like, pretty much straight away. He was in, like, Australia and then he was in Prague. And it was really annoying because, obviously, I couldn't go. I wanted to go and, like, support him and I couldn't go. And I was annoyed at myself. I was like, my twins are, like, two weeks old. I can't physically go.

17:52So, yeah, you do have that a little bit of... their life carries on and then you're like at home and you feel a bit like, you're a bit wobbly, your boobs are leaking, you know, it's all a little bit unattractive for a while. You're farting all over. You're farting everywhere, constipated probably. But yeah, it's great.

18:55We'll be right back. Go to stamps.com and use code podcast to try stamps.com risk-free for 60 days. You've got social dialed in. Search is doing its thing. So why do your marketing results look the same as six months ago? That's because you're fishing in the same pond as everyone else. Podcast listeners are a different audience entirely. More engaged, harder to reach through traditional channels, and ready to act when someone they trust makes a recommendation. We're Acast, and we put them right in front of you. Browse thousands of the world's leading podcasts, book host reads or run your own ads, and track every conversion in real time.

19:33Same skills you already have, brand new results. Acast. Acast.com slash advertise.