EXCLUSIVE - MEGAN MCKENNA: My Worst Nightmare Came True

0:00I was robbed really badly in my own home. Woke up to my whole house shaking, like I get goose pimples now thinking about it. They were inside my house, but I locked my bedroom door and they're three masked men with machetes and they managed to hack a hole in my wall. They were in my house for seven minutes, like seven minutes. It was the longest seven minutes I've ever experienced in my entire life. I was on the phone to the police and they were like, we're on our way, we're on our way. And I was like, no, they're hacking my wall down. That is my biggest fear. and it happened to me. What does it do mentally when you experience something like that?

0:35Well, it changes you forever. Your home is your safe space. That's not my safe space. I don't have the right words to even...

0:50It's like almost took that away from me having this, like, being at home and being safe with London. Sorry, now I'm really crying. It's something I will work through.

1:05Hi, I'm Megan McKenna and I'm in great company. Megan McKenna! Fuck down. When I met Ollie, you just get a feel who isn't a dickhead. And I have dated a lot. But Ollie doesn't give me a reason. I went away with an ex. Something was a bit off. I go down the phone. A picture of her sexy legs and underwear in it. Mugging me off. Can I ask a really personal question? Go on Hey guys, welcome back to Great Company Okay, we have Megan McKenna You probably think you know Megan McKenna If you've seen the show she's been on Maybe you like her music, maybe you like her cooking But trust me, today is totally different So get ready for this Okay, before we start, if I can just ask that one favour that I always ask If you can click that subscribe button It's completely for free But it does us wonders I cannot even explain to you If you do that one thing, I'll thank you forever okay here we go enjoy this incredible episode of great company with megan mckenna

2:06yes i don't really do you know podcast a lot why not because you're worried about what you're going to say or what is it yeah maybe it's from like being on reality tv for so long i think i've always been so worried about how people edit me maybe that's the thing I think it's like a thing subconsciously that I'm like do you know what I'd rather just not talk I get it man I listen having done reality tvs for so long you then become such a like control freak over your own life and everything you really do oh man yeah and I think that's why I kind of like social so much like my own because I'm like in control yeah I was just saying to you before watching your socials is like, it makes me feel so good.

2:49I don't know what... That's so nice. It's like... Why? I don't know, it's weird. I always ask people, like, people say I'm therapeutic. I'm like, really? You wouldn't have said that 10 years ago, would you? It's the most... If you haven't seen Megan's stuff, it's so beautiful. You're always cooking with your son. You're always doing different things. You look like... It's so wholesome and lovely and wonderful and just delicious. I want to be married to you. I want you to be my mother. I want you to just be everything. It's just crazy. Thank you. what was the first thing that you started on what as in reality as in reality show reality was X on the beach was it really yeah yeah it was X on the beach and I got that show thinking I was doing this show called it was called like are you the one it's like a similar show but not a negative one it's like so they tricked you they actually didn't tell me what I was doing and I kid you not gospel truth story when I went to the airport to go and fly to film X on the beach I signed a contract not knowing it was X on the beach really I wasn't allowed to tell my mum or anyone where I was flying to.

3:48They told me where I was flying to when I got to the airport and they took my phone off me. But my mum knew it was real because she come to the MTV meeting with me. Right. Okay. You know, she knew it was real, but they said to me, it was an ongoing series. You know, I was thinking, is this going to be more like a Geordie Shore thing, like away? And then I'm going to do loads of series. And I remember thinking I had like no money. And I remember I was like a barmaid and I was working also in a estate agent job and I just sacked the estate agent job off I was like see ya like I'm gonna be on TV and then went shopping with my mum and I was like can I borrow a thousand pound I always remember can I borrow a thousand pound and I think I got like two grand to do the show wow I was away for a month and I was like she's like okay you need to get back to me I was like yeah I want to bought loads of bikinis like really nice ones from Victoria's Secret you know I was like yeah really nice anyway I went away and when I got to the airport I bought a little iPod nano thing with me that you can go onto Facebook with.

4:46Yeah, I remember. Do you remember them? Yeah, yeah. So I was obviously being a little bit tricky and I thought, I'm going to contact my mum on Facebook when I arrive at the next Wi-Fi spot because obviously I didn't want her to be worried. So I got to the next stop and I said, I couldn't even get through to mum. I don't know what happened but it was some weird way of Facebook on this thing. So I messaged someone to say, can you tell my mum I'm going to Mexico? And when I ring her and I land, you need to, don't say where I've said I am because I'm just going to say I'm arrived and I'm safe. And she was like, okay.

5:17So I land in Mexico. The producers are probably going to watch us like, is she for real? But I got to Mexico, rang my mum, pretended that I hadn't told her where I was. And I was like, hi, I'm here now. She was like, okay, right, love you. I was like, I love you, speak to you in a month. Whoa. Put the phone down, got to my hotel room. They obviously took the iPod off me. It's fine because I thought she knows where I am. Yeah, yeah. And then I had to stay in this hotel for a couple of nights on my own with this lady. And there you go. Put me in the villa. Why do you think you wanted to go and do a show like that?

5:48Well, I wanted to be a singer. Yeah. And I had no in, no contacts. We were just like normal family, normal jobs. So I thought, I'm just going to get my own way in there. And to be honest, I didn't even apply. They contacted me on Twitter. yeah because I was doing a season in Marbella and they'd seen online that I was like on Twitter at the time that I was a party girl and I was promoting Tebow this club in Marbella yeah yeah yeah so they knew I was like a good laugh yeah and that's how I got it really I met them in a club in London as well and they said we want you to come do the show we think you'd be great for it that was my first audition in the club I did a shot of Jagerbomb before I went in so classy So I shot a Jaeger.

6:34I went into the meeting and I was like, boom, I'm getting this show. Yeah. Okay. So you do X on the Beach experience. What do you find the experience? Like it? Enjoy it? I loved it. I loved it. But the problem is with me is I had just come out of a not very nice relationship with a boy that I was so in love with. And he broke my heart a thousand times and cheated on me. And I was in such a bad place where my mom said, you know, this will be good. You know, we meeting new people and all this. And little did we know, I'm going into X on the beach. So when I got into there, I think they're trying to be, try to get him on it.

7:12He didn't do it. They just brought the girl on that he was shagging, who became my friend and then told me she'd been shagging him. Yeah. Yeah, that was the finale. And then put him on a date with the guy I was getting with. And they kissed. It was a shambles. But can I just actually give you a little bit of a backstory on why this hit so great? It's a great episode. Now I look back, I'm like, wow, that is... That's good. That's good TV, yeah. That's great TV. And they're proper, you know, sneaky to get her. They know what they're doing. When I went in for that first day and I had that shot of Jaeger bomb, it was the night before.

7:48I kid you not. Everything happens for a reason. She told me that she'd shagged him in my mum's kitchen. No, no, no. She didn't shag him in my mum's kitchen. I know. She told me... I was like, this is juicy. Oh, sorry, sorry. Sorry, no, she shagged him. She told me in my mum's kitchen. She told you in the mum's kitchen? Yeah, we were sitting down. We'd just got back from Westfield. She said it, she's rid of it. She just couldn't hold it in anymore. What was your reaction? Why have you made friends with me? What are you doing? I'm like, why have you become a friendship? Because I liked you and I couldn't, I got too far being your friend.

8:21I was like, this is so fucked. Get out. When you see old clips of yourself. Yeah. What does it make you feel? Do you feel sorry for that person? What do you feel? I do actually feel sorry for me sometimes. Not all the times. I think... Could have held back. Not really. I'm like, did I say that? That isn't even in my brain to say. Maybe it was the alcohol. I do think a lot of it was alcohol. A hundred percent. Back in the day, we was allowed to drink what we wanted, when we wanted. We would get up in the morning and if we want to drink a beer, we could have a beer. Could you do that on the OnlyWares Essex?

8:57No. You weren't allowed to? No. a lot of the time to be found the only Rosetics I wasn't drunk it's just me

9:06yeah because you joined I wasn't even bad on that show you know like when people are like you's crazy I'm like really you're crazy no yeah because you had a public relationship on that one yes yeah and you know what like Pete we're friends I'm like happy for him and he's happy for me and when I see him at events we say hello and I'm always With me and Pete, we dealt with something that not a lot of people can relate to. Which is? Being in the public hire so much, like every single thing, people that are on it understand, but people that are in relationships that aren't in the public hire just don't get it.

9:43We couldn't do anything right. And people were really picking holes in us all the time. It was on the show. People were using our storylines for their storylines and everything was really messy. It was messy, a messy relationship. but we was friends before we was friends through it we decided to part ways it just weren't working because again there's just no trust there and I just think we just was better as friends we did a show after that together our celebs go dating friends it's nice I think that's a big growth for me as well because with my other exes I'd be like

10:23don't talk to him and we're out you know I used to be like that I really did whereas now I would never be like that do you ever think that people may have used you for storylines yeah and that must be hard yeah I just started to worry about what I was saying like off camera to people like to friends really because they would then bring it or they would say it or they would use it to say to producers even like really like personal things that weren't even on the show they'd use it that then builds the paranoia and then you don't trust people oh paranoia I miss this paranoia over here when I come off of the show, not so much now.

10:56Really? A little bit. If you ask any of my old friends from before, telly, they're like, Megan wasn't like that. It was when I started to get into really toxic relationships. It just sent me loopy. Like, and then you get hurt, and then you're trying to get yourself out, and I'd be hurt, and then I'd get into a new relationship, probably not healed from the recent one. What do you like when you're in love? I am all in. Really? Ollie has it great. I can only imagine. He does. So this person, was this your first love? Sometimes I'm like, was it love? Because I don't know. I think so. Why? Explain.

11:33What does love mean to you? Well, love, now I've met Ollie and I'm married and I see the way what we have, that's love. Because what I had before, you know, it was a little bit.

11:51It's like obsession. Maybe a little bit of that, but also it was just so toxic with cheating and going out. I mean, look, we was young and there's only so much you can take as a young girl, like going out worrying all the time, like, is he going to be with another girl? You know? If you've got, if some young girl's listening now and she feels like she's in that space, what would you say to that person? Firstly, like they're never going to change. Sorry. They're never going to change. Get out now. Because you give them chance after chance after chance. and I've had it with other previous boyfriends and they never change.

12:24And also, sorry, this is really neggy, but like you can never trust them fully. And do you know what? My biggest thing with what I think creates love is you've got to have respect and trust. Trust. Is everything. Then you're sweet. Then you're great. You have the best life in the world. Yeah, I know. Do you know what I mean? Ollie can go out. I'm like, cool, I can go out. Not that we go out. Yeah, but you can. and when you have that trust, you can kind of just, everything's cool. I would never go down Ollie's phone. I've been down all my ex's phones. All of them, sat in the bathroom, no pin code.

12:57Have you ever, worst experience when you went on someone's phone and found something, what was it? I went away with an ex in Barcelona and I remembered the code on the safe in the room. Anyway, I kept that code in my brain. We get home, something was a bit off. You always feel, you know, something's not right. And he was asleep on the sofa. And I thought, you know what? I'm just going to test this code on the phone. And it was the phone code. Yeah. So I'm in the phone. What was the phone code? Can you remember it? Oh, I can't remember. I can't remember. That'd be weird if I did. No. So you got the phone.

13:36I got the phone and I go down the phone. And it is when I say a picture of myself on TV sent to my boyfriend with her sexy legs and underwear in it. And they're having a conversation, mugging me off. Yeah. So that was another really crap time in relationships. I've not had the best ride with relationships. How do you trust men? How do you then trust men? I didn't. I didn't for a very, very long time. And I think when I met Ollie, you just get a feel. Really? You just get a feel who isn't a dickhead. And I have dated a lot. How do you find that? How does your radar? If your radar is, and I just know this with so many young women, and there's young men, but let's focus on young women, right?

14:33Young women who've been through that. They've been cheated on. they've been like disrespected, they've had these things happen to them. How do they then, their radar doesn't always go to the negative? They're going to be like this, going to be this, they're going to be like this. It does look, it does, but Ollie doesn't give me a reason. Really? Yeah. And I think that is why we work, because he doesn't give me a reason to feel that way. Or like if he was out, he's calling me or I like what Ollie does with work. I think I like he's got his own thing and it's different. he's in sports he's into his health Ollie is very light we'll go for a coffee he's quite he's got he likes simple things but he likes what I like beautiful and we get on we can go for a walk for hours on end and just be mates four coffees out yeah and just chat and chat and chat and have a lovely time and go home and watch he'll watch Kardashians with me like find a husband that watches Kardashians I'm sorry you're mine so yeah He's just not giving me a reason to feel that way.

15:36And I think all my other ones always gave me that feeling, that reason. And I had a lot of therapy, to be honest. After a few relationships, I had to have real deep therapy for a long time. And then I had a break. My mum was like, have a break. And I was like, I'm 30. She's like, you've got loads of time. I said, I haven't. I need to find a man. She said to me, it will all come at once. I said, really? I swear she said this to me in the living room and then it was that Christmas I wasn't even looking for it and and it just come up with Ollie so you're on a date you're on a dating app yes a dating app called Rare which I was rejected from no why I think I was too good looking for it I can't believe you're rejected from Rare okay that's really funny um so then you you come across Oli?

16:32Yeah, I actually come off of Raya because I was fuming with it. I was like, I hate you all. Then I went back on it. I was actually in Scotland. Oli's from Scotland. So it's like, it's really weird how these things happen. And I remember I was in the hills in Scotland. I was on tour with, I think I was on tour with Michael Ball and Alfie Bo at the time. Wow. Yeah, so cool. That is so, that's so cool. Yeah. And then Oli pops up and I'm like, okay, you know, I looked at his profile, got a cool song, dress is really cool. I'm like, I like this. Because also, I used to date a lot of Essex people. And I did never want to date Essex people again, basically.

17:10I never wanted to do that again. So you thought Scottish this works? Scottish. Oh, okay. He plays in a German league. This is interesting. He travels a lot. And then, yeah, just something really attracted to me. Like the way he just held himself through these pictures. I was like, he's interesting. So I went into this date not overthinking it. And I always used to overthink, like, am I going to marry this person? I swear, like, before the date, like, could this work? Like, how's this going to work? And then... Would you sit down and say, I'm not going to marry them? No, I would just know straight away.

17:43Really? I would just know straight away, yeah. And then I'd think, like, oh, let's just have a nice date and then that'd be it. Yeah. But I knew when he was waiting for me at the door and I was a little bit late and he just like turned around to me and gave me this like feeling of I almost wanted to like hug him it was like really weird and I was like I'm not like that because I'm not really that affectionate out in public yeah anyway and then I kind of was like I'm really sorry I'm late and he was dressed so nice and I was dressed like really nice like you look lovely and I was like I've waited for you they said to go in but I wanted to wait and I was like that's such a gentleman move yeah and then we just sat down and within the space of 20 minutes me and him were on our first margarita he goes to me what are you doing new year's eve i was like should i pretend i've got plans nothing to do i was like well i might go to my brother he went do you want to come with me to this party on new year's eve for my family i thought he must really like me so i said yeah all right oh my god i'm so keen i'm such a keno i thought sod it i'm just gonna go And then the date was amazing.

18:50Went to a club. Apparently you dared him. I did. You said, I dared you to kiss me. I did. I thought, how am I going to get around this about like, I also like to kiss test. You do? Yeah, because I think you need to have that connection. Wow. We had such a good kiss. Then we was kissing all night. We had this little corner table in this club and we was having the time of our lives. and I just thought wow I'm having so much fun like this is so fun yeah and then he dropped me home and the rest was history and I heard he proposed after five months of dating I think it's a little bit longer but no it was quite soon but you just knew yeah I just knew I had this feeling and it was really weird how things happened because he was in loan in the UK it was almost like the like the world the universe gave us this time for him to be in the UK so I like was living with him in Canary Wolf and we was just having this like this bubble relationship that was insane and then um then we went away and he proposed and it was the most when I say incredible it could have been a wedding he just went all out he walked me through it what happened he firstly he was so clever because he knows I love to like do videos and stuff on Instagram he bought me an outfit while we was in Canary Wolf and he got it for me he showed me it you know it was a whole little Prada kitted set like kitted me out of this little Prada set and I was like oh my god I've never had like a full kit Prada set before like this is amazing and it was all like nylon and he used to wear the nylon Prada and everything anyway so I didn't realise that was going to be my engagement outfit he literally was just checking did I like it and he said we're going to go and do these boat trips and we're going to have so much fun like we should get really cool pictures in front of the mountains and I was like yes I was like oh my god it's gonna be so good like I can't wait and then as soon as we get to Montenegro it was gonna rain and he was stressing on the plane like oh it's gonna rain I was like oh really it was like yeah and I was I don't think it's gonna rain all day and he was like no no it's gonna rain and I was thinking to myself Jesus all right like get over it okay like we are going for like five days anyway we get there and he takes me down to this boat this unbelievable like vintage boat on this lake and we go out we are out on the boat for two hours no toilet i'm taking pictures galore like can you get a picture of me like this i'm in my outfit my prada i'm like oh this like and he's probably sitting there like absolutely bricking it yeah and then um he's like we're gonna go for dinner we're gonna get off at the port around the corner so we went around and i said i'm busting for a wee i've got to go away so now i'm going on about i need a wee i need a wee i need a wee not that i knew he had a mic on him he had a mic on his thing and he had a drone following us on this last 15 minutes of the journey and he's like i think when we get off there's no toilet you're gonna have to just go into the restaurant first i went no no i need to get off and go to the toilet i swear and he's thinking fuck me mate i've got fireworks going off yeah yeah this whole thing this whole thing anyway we go around the corner and um this is a part of our story we've never actually told but We have to laugh about it.

22:03He's now put blindfold on me. I'm like, oh my God, he's going to propose. You're like, here we go. Now I know. So I've got the blindfold on. And what are you thinking? You're like, oh my God, are you like... I'm like, I can't believe this. But also we've been on this boat for so long. I actually didn't... I would not have expected us to then get engaged. So then all I'm hearing is my song, this... This isn't planned, by the way. This is what's funny about it. My song, this, that I sang on X Factor, is blaring into the mountains. I'm like, what is going on? So I'm thinking, is this like a thing for my Instagram?

22:36I'm like, now am I getting engaged? What is going on? Anyway, he takes it off. Little did I know, Ollie's going to the people. Get it off. Get the song off. He'd organized a band. There's a band standing on the thing on the corner of the beach with our song. It's called Forever, Ever and Always. but they've decided to take it on themselves to play my song. Can you believe that? And I don't like that. No. No, no, no. No, no. That is cringe. So I'm thinking, oh, bless him. He's done this to like help my boost on Spotify for my video. I'm like, swear, this is crazy. Anyway, I didn't know. Anyway, I took the blindfold off.

23:19Now they're playing our song forever and ever and always with the band. And I'm like, took my blindfold off. There's fireworks going off. There's like roses everywhere. We're on this beach. there's a table set up there's like people with flowers there's just honestly I was like I didn't even know where to look I was like wow and he got down on one knee and did the whole thing and I was like oh my god I just couldn't believe it I was like I can't believe this is happening to me that you're proposing like I can't believe I finally met someone that I love like that loves me I was like, wow, this is actually what I dreamed of forever.

23:55So put the ring on. He organized a playlist of all our favorite songs and they sang them live. And we like was on the beach. It was best night. It was best night ever. He ordered my favorite food, my favorite drinks. And it was just the most romantic thing I've ever experienced apart from our wedding. Yeah. That is. I know. I know. And then he told me, so he's like, do you like dinner? I'm like, I love it. And he goes, listen, I've got to talk to you about something. I'm like, what? He went, I did not organize your song to come on. I went, that is, I did think that's a bit weird. So how long have you been back in the UK then?

24:32So I actually live here 50 % of the time now. Really? Yeah. It's a whole different ballgame living in Germany. Yeah. Well, the language firstly. Well, firstly, I don't speak German. I understand some German now. Ollie's great. Ollie can speak a bit of German, but I don't have my family there. And you know what it's like. You need your team around you. And it can be quite hard. Yeah. I think that's the hardest thing that I didn't realize when you have a kid. Yeah. Is like how, firstly, how important family is. Really, yeah. You don't even realize that. I know. And also when you marry someone, they've got their family.

25:13And I love my wife's family more than anything. But also you need your family. Yeah. You need that kind of like homebody time. And if you're abroad, you don't have that. No, literally. Can I ask, what made you move out to Germany rather than stay in the UK? Well, obviously, Oli went back to his team he was playing with in Germany. He was playing with Werder Bremen. But we had an incident in the UK that made me move to Germany full time. and I had to get away from the UK because I, to be honest, I don't talk about this with a lot of people because I was worried and scared at the time because people were in prison for it.

25:53And there was a trial going on, so I wasn't able to talk about it. But I was robbed really badly in my own home. Yeah. And it scared me so much to be in the UK and to live in the UK on my own because obviously Ollie's in Germany. Oh, man. Yeah, it was terrible. What happened? Well, it's just, it's a really weird one because I never talk about it. Sure. Because obviously I've been scared. But now I feel like it's been two years. It was basically just after I got engaged. And we come back from Montenegro. It was the most insane trip and everything. And it was just, I was on this huge high and Ollie had to travel back the day we landed, the day after we landed.

26:31You know, we were on such a high of getting engaged. And I drop into the airport. I get back about 6 p.m. So you park the car, go in, get myself ready for bed. And I remember I was sitting on my landing on my own and I was chatting to Olly on FaceTime and I was like, oh, I'm a little bit nervous. You know, the whole world just found out we just got engaged and I was obviously on my own. And obviously you kind of worry about things happening to you, but then you think surely it's not going to happen to me. And then I just went to bed at 11 p.m. and I had a terrible headache. so I took tablets quite strong norefen tablets and then I went to bed I put the air con on because I was hot it was like July or something and then I put a podcast on Catherine Ryan's podcast I remember listening to it and then I must have fallen asleep within the first 15 minutes I woke up to my whole house shaking and I just couldn't I was in such a disorientated mess I was like what and then I just knew that I knew it was happening to me and I was like oh my god like I get goose pimples now thinking about it like they were inside my house but I lock my bedroom door every night because I always worry about something happening to me when I'm on my own um the next thing I know my mirror has come off my wall and they're hacking a hole through my wall with a baseball bat.

27:51Right, yeah. Yeah. And they're three masked men with machetes and baseball bats. And they managed to hack a hole in my wall because it was a fake wall going onto my dressing room linked to my bedroom. The hole was like this, and they've demanded everything I had on me because obviously they were going to get in and harm me. And if my door wasn't locked, actually, they probably would have woken me up and probably killed my dog. I was more worried about my dog getting killed than anything. but I was on the phone to police and they were in my house for seven minutes like seven minutes is it was the longest seven minutes I've ever experienced in my entire life and the police were saying to me don't speak to them and I said to them like have they got weapons I said I can hear they've got weapons they're hacking my wall down and they were like we're on our way we're on our way and I was I know they're hacking my wall down and they were like please don't talk to them I said if I don't go and talk to them and ask them what they want they're gonna come in and kill my dog honestly like they were like this girl must be crazy so I went over to them I was naked oh Megan he's seen me naked I was talking to this man the balaclava and he grabbed my hand and he took the jewelry off of me no I actually was holding hands with the robber and they had a conversation outside the wall and they made a phone call and I was shaking I'd cut my foot there was blood everywhere it was like a bloody murder scene and then I'm standing naked and uh they just left with nothing with nothing else so they come for one thing and one thing only it was obviously a targeted I know and it was then I was like I'm not safe in my own home I didn't want to I didn't go back to that home and then I um obviously the police and everything were were amazing at the time but I was then going through IVF to have Landon and they wanted me to go on trial and I just said to them like I actually can't physically go through it they got caught and then they went on trial and then a year later they just got let out they're just roaming the roads man yeah oh my god so I moved to Germany full-time I am so sorry yeah I don't have the right words to even it was honestly like it was horrendous like you're in hell it was honestly like my biggest that is that is my biggest fear and it happened to me and I always think now like my whole life now is different because of it I'm really really a nervous person when it comes to like going to bed at night are you really yeah like it's really taken over my life and I'm actually in trauma therapy for it and I have I've had therapy for it through the police actually I had trauma therapy straight away but now i'm actually going into it again and to be honest i've only just really opened up to my some of my friends about it and they're always like i feel really bad leaving you at night i'm like no it's fine i've got landon i have to be a big girl yeah but landon sleeps in the room with me and that's why really yeah i know what can you can't have him in his own room can't you can't do it no can't do it it's a it's the problem i have to deal with but it's something i'll get over in time but yeah but maybe it's not a problem it's what you need to do to make you look the most important thing i think about any mom is to make sure that you feel comfortable and safe if you feel comfortable and safe your baby's going to feel comfortable and safe right if you want to sleep with your baby wrapped in bubble wrap with you because it makes you feel better freaking do it what does it do mentally when you experience something like that um well it changes you forever really yeah because you've got to think like your home is your safe space.

31:29Do you know what I mean? And I'm like, obviously, that's not my safe space. Do you know what I mean? Bloody. Yeah, it's hard. But... Are you okay now? I'm all right, yeah. Can I give you a hug? I want to give you a hug. Oh, man. I am so sorry because that is so terrifying. It's obviously like taken over my life a lot. yeah but it's so brave of you to talk about it like honestly you're kidding me it's like no because i can't even like yeah it's also we all have our immense fears right and i can imagine if we spoke to anyone in this room or anyone who's listening right now that's up there with the fears and when it actually happens to you as an individual yeah it's just annoying that it happened before landon it's like almost took that away from me having this like being at home and being safe with landon sorry now i'm really crying oh buddy don't worry it's so okay it's okay it's just um it's something i will work through but it's something that like it's really weird it's like these things get thrown at people obviously you just have to handle it but i always say to my mom why do these bad things happen to me it's just annoying because obviously i'm not in a normal situation ollie is abroad and i don't have that comfort of going home to ollie every night.

32:51So like I'm the one that's in charge at home. So yeah, it's, it's difficult, but it happened and thank God I'm okay. It could have gone a lot worse. You know, if I didn't have that lock on my door, they could have, you know, I don't even like to think about it, but they had weapons for a reason. But it does scare me that obviously they're just there, out there. Yeah. What did, what was Ollie's response? Well, he was, to be honest, I didn't even ring him that night because it was the day before he started the new season. Yeah. I didn't ring him that night because I thought, what is the point? I can't ruin his, like, he was going back into his team.

33:32He was in a good spot. So I obviously had my mum. I drove to my mum's. Obviously my mum picked me up. She'd come to my house, obviously. And the police were obviously at my house all night guarding the house because obviously everything was smashed up. And the police were good? Yeah, they were good. Yeah. And like, you know, they've done what they can. but, you know, there's only so much they can do. Have you, do you know what, there's this amazing therapy called EDMR. Yeah, I think this is what I'm starting. It will change you. Yeah. I'll tell you my experience, right? I went through something, which nowhere near as bad as that, but I went through something, and by the way, trauma works in really strange ways.

34:05Yeah, it really does. And I had a, I went through an experience which was really quite hard, like emotionally for me, and I went to a therapist, and I said, I just don't feel great, and she was talking to me, and she said, look, I think you have PTSD from this event. And I went, really? Like, it doesn't feel that. I didn't go to war. I didn't go what you experienced. I don't think it's bad. And they said, the way you're describing it feels that way. Will you do this thing called EDMR, right? Anyway, with EDMR, what happens is this, is that it basically helps you process the trauma. It came from this person, my limited knowledge is where her daughter died, right?

34:42And she couldn't process the trauma of it. And what she would do is she would sit there and she'd watch these swings going back and forward and her eyes would move. And EDMR, basically, when you could fall asleep, your eyes move from left to right because it helps you process the day. When you go through a trauma, you don't process it. You basically, your body protects itself, so it sits there. So you have to process it. EDMR is these two things that vibrate and you basically, you talk through what happened. This is what I'm about to do. It's hard, but you go back to the moment. When I did it, I thought it was woohoo.

35:11I was like, this doesn't work, whatever. After about six sessions, it like was so overwhelmingly like really it like made me process the whole moment so you'll do this and it will just help you through everything I promise you it's incredible that's amazing yeah she did explain because obviously I have someone I've been seeing but we haven't started this yet she mentioned about this that she feels will work for me when did you decide to get pregnant we decided so after we got engaged listen I've done my party days yeah same don't worry about that we've had that time I've had it hard you know what those hangovers I don't need anymore I don't need it I don't care about him um when I met Ollie I was like okay I don't want to mess around here like I want to have a baby with you and he's like I I want to have a baby with you.

36:10I'm like, great. Okay. So naturally, you know, we're just doing our thing. And then it just, nothing was really happening for a little while. And I was just thinking, well, it's only been like, I don't even know how many months it was, like three or four months. I don't know really to the exact, but I'm not doing the ovulation things. I'm like, I'm in the right time. This should be happening. What's going on? Something didn't, it just felt a bit off. So I went to get checked as you do. And I wanted to freeze my eggs to have this back up. So when I got there and I said to the lady, like, what I want to do and stuff, she scanned me and she said, your womb lining is really thin.

36:47And I was like, oh. And then, you know, I had went through to a consultant and I got checked and everything. And I had to have something put in my body to make my womb lining thick enough to basically hold an embryo. So what was happening is, you know, I could be doing it for as long as possible. I might have been doing it for a whole other year. I would never have got pregnant because my womb lining was too thin. It was too weak. So when I found that out, I thought, oh, okay. So I'm going through the process now of like all the injections and everything to get my womb lining thicker. But then I also said to the man, I want to freeze my eggs.

37:24He said, you should freeze your embryos because there's more chance in your embryos surviving than your eggs. So I went through the whole process of, and it's really intense, real intense doing, it's not IVF. We actually ended up having ICSI. It's when they put the sperm into the egg actually on the side. And we had like 16 eggs that thawed amazing, like really high grade something. But then when it went through to putting them with the sperm, like literally just two worked, two. And I was like, how of all these months? I was in hospital for a week because I got OHSS, which is overhyperstimulation of your ovaries.

38:01It's really dangerous when they rupture. so I was being monitored and oh my god the pain it was just it was awful I felt like I was six months pregnant I was nothing in my tummy it was just my ovaries were like huge like they scanned them was like whoa you need to be admitted to hospital this is dangerous so all of this time and then we found out we had two I was like oh my god I don't think I'm going through that again so I had to wait a little bit of time to let my body calm down because I had this situation and then we had Landon put in, worked straight away because there's nothing actually wrong with my insides.

38:39It's just the outsides that needed to be fixed. You know, when life is weird, right? Because you go through this whole time saying, don't get pregnant, don't get pregnant, don't get pregnant. And then suddenly you're like, we've got to get pregnant now. And loads of people, and I have a lot of friends, getting pregnant is actually much trickier than we actually think. So hard. You know, it's so hard. It's complications. There's so many things that go on. and it it takes a toll on you physically and emotionally doesn't it emotionally how did you handle that um well in yeah it was it was hard because i'd just been robbed yeah so the stress was really on top of me so i was going through therapy and i was also going through a lot of um pregnancy acupuncture to calm my body and just to get my body like ready to have all these injections because I didn't want it to stop what I was doing.

39:34Like I wanted to still go through with the process, even though this had happened to me. But maybe me getting ill with the RHSS happened for a reason because it kind of delayed me falling pregnant. Things happen in a funny way. When it did happen, I felt like I was in a bit of a better place. You know, you and Ollie went through so much in such a short space of time. You meet, you get engaged. The robbery happens the pregnancy happens how do you think that changed your relationship um it did put pressure on me and ollie yeah it did we even we say it now like god how did we even get through it because the only topic of conversation is like i'm scared you know at night and oh i really want to get pregnant and oh okay it doesn't you know it's it really takes over and then it's like falling pregnant goes from being really excited to like, are we going to do a nursery?

40:27What are we going to do? What should we call him? To why is this all happening now? Why now? Like, do you know what I mean? My body needs to be relaxed. And I was so not relaxed. And then you start to freak out what that does and everything. Then you're just like, okay, it's not going to work. Then you're like reading the forums. Like, oh, honestly, when I had the embryo put in, mate, I was a psycho. I was like, I am not lifting a thing. I always go test. guy I'd carry a bag and I'd feel like a little twinge and I'd ring my mum something's wrong she'd be like just chill out it's not wrong my mum is my rock is she really yeah yeah I call my mum for everything what's her name Tanya Tanya shout out Tanya yeah she I call her for anything really yeah what's the most amazing thing about Tanya she she just knows how to make me feel at Eades if I'm in a stressful situation or worrying.

41:18She has that language with you. Yeah, she just puts it into the right way in my head for me. Yeah. Look, don't get me wrong, I have a lovely life. I'm so appreciative of it. Like with Ollie, we have like two homes now. I go to Berlin, I'm back here, it's cool. But even that, like the flying, you know, I've got all the bags, the pram, London, everything. I'm dripping with sweat at the airport. And then bless my mum, she always picks me up. She helps me and she flies to Germany when she can. But you know, everyone has their own lives as well. everyone's working um it's just it's intense it's something i didn't think was gonna happen when i had a baby but it happened like you never know what's gonna happen with football so i kind of just had to go with it but it's definitely not what i thought was gonna happen when i had a baby i think people forget right when you marry a sportsman yeah firstly there's a lot always up in the air everything's always changing and as their partner you kind of have to follow where it goes unless you don't follow where it goes but you kind of have to do that you have to or you've got no relationship, but this is where I'm at now, is Ollie's very supportive of what I do.

42:20I'm very supportive of what Ollie does. But I've moved with Ollie like three times. Actually, when I first did the move as well, I was like eight months pregnant and it was really intense. And then we was also building a home in the UK at the same time. So we had two different homes. And look, I know this is like, what's that thing called when they say? Yeah, yeah, first of all, problems. I totally agree. But it's your reality, right? And it's a lot. It's a lot when I'm there on my own. and trust me I've renovated I've moved I've had a baby yeah you get it I get it moving country with a baby not being settled yeah it's crazy no it was literally on a mattress in this apartment in Germany and I was 8 months pregnant to get down up on this mattress I was like Ollie we need to get to bed and he was like it's not coming for like another few weeks and then my mum was like just don't move that much just because I want to come out for when you have the baby and I'm worried you're going to go into labour on your own in Germany and Ollie was away and doing away games and I was on my own, heavily pregnant.

43:17And I was like, this is actually crazy. If I go into labour right now, I'm genuinely on my own, like genuinely on my own. You don't speak the language? Don't speak the language. I literally had to have on my phone the area I was living in, obviously, because it's not the same 999. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we was near a hospital, so I knew where I would have to go if I needed to go hospital. I had to think of all these things. do you know what I mean? And even when I had London, I had to have like all the instructions on my phone when Ollie was away, just in case something happened. And I didn't know what to do because I had no one's call.

43:52So like you have to think of all these things when you're abroad, living abroad, do you know what I mean? But I do know like certain words in German now, have to. Like what? Don't ask me. Thank you, bye, I'm sorry. No, like the gist, I understand the gist of things when they talk to me. so so talk me through this experience right so you're out in germany yeah you give birth yeah that's a wild thing in itself wild i had a c-section so planned or unplanned i had to have it planned because obviously if it wasn't and i went had a natural birth life potentially ollie wouldn't have been there so i would have been on my own so i had to plan it so i had a c-section so he could be there yeah and then obviously so my mum could be there and to be fair quite liked that because I had control of it.

44:39And I think, again, it goes back to not having control back in the day and having my own control now. And I think in a weird way, I kind of liked that I was having a C-section. Plus Landon was huge. How big? Nearly 10 pounds. He came out, I was like, I was expecting some teeny thing on my chest. He's huge across my shoulders. I was like, this is crazy. But he was big. He's a big boy now. Yeah. So thank God. Wow and so a birth experience you enjoyed scary yeah it was okay like the care out there is insane I can't fault it and I feel like I actually got possibly better care where I was because our room was like a hotel room that it's just incredible the hospitals are incredible in Germany do you know Megan we had when so when Sophie didn't want to have a planned c-section right yeah when we in there everything changed and suddenly it was a c-section and watching Sophie go through that yeah and experiencing the whole situation I was in bits I was like this is crazy like what's happening here and watching Sophie stay so calm I imagine you would have just been that rock solid like right here we go we're going for it yeah it's in you have to be there's no way out like I even did think when I was going into the theater room Ollie wasn't allowed in with me um I had to go in and have the epidural on my own and stuff and obviously they're speaking German it was quite It's scary because they were really lovely.

46:00They kept rubbing my arm and that, but they're speaking German to me. And I was thinking, oh God, there's actually no way out here. This is it. Yeah, I have to go for it. He's got to come out. So I'm like, I have to just brave this and do it. When London was first born, what emotions are you thinking? What is that moment like for you? It was really weird because it's like you don't know them, but you're like, you've just come out of my body. and like his just his little face and everything and i was just looking at him like to be honest i was just kind of like looking at him up and down like oh my god is everything okay like you know you're like looking at them like is everything okay with them and i just it just honestly i swear like i just felt so natural i was like it's like i was a mom already it was just like i just knew how to hold him it didn't feel alien to me it's just the weirdest experience like they just come out of you and they're there and it's like they've always been there and becoming a mum the pressure of becoming a mum and making sure everything's good it's a lot isn't it it is a lot it's a lot in a foreign country as well yeah I just think if there was anything I could change it would be being around my family as well 100 % I only have to go in the next day that is yeah yeah they don't get no time off he's like I'm gonna go now but obviously he come back in the afternoons but where are you at now so what's happening so we have a home now in the uk made life a lot easier but then basically me and ollie have a relationship on facetime

47:36because otherwise we wouldn't have a relationship so facetime is a big part of our world and and can i ask with you and ollie because you have this sort of distance as you said you love facetime you have this long distance relationship someone listening now who is experiencing the same thing maybe their partner's way due to work what advice would you give that person to keep it working? You have to keep, you have to like almost, even though you're not there, you have to kind of talk as though you're there. Like, you know, when I do like Landon's bath time, Ollie's up on the phone on FaceTime. Like I have him involved because as soon as you just stop that and you start, life can, you know, go quick and you forget things and then you're like, oh, I've not called.

48:12That's when it starts, it can go bad. You need to keep them involved. Also, it keeps the relationship fresh. You know, when you miss each other and you see each other, it's nice. It's good, right? Yeah. Yeah, maybe Sophie and I need to miss each other a little bit. It's nice to miss sometimes, yeah. Because I think what happens when Sophie and I spend so much time with each other, when we do get to that moment, it's a bit like, ah, so, buddy.

48:48No, I feel that as well. Me and Ollie have been there too. When you catch each other's eyes and you're like, you're my friend. When also the person I love, this is weird now. I feel you. I feel you. Trust me. As reality starts, right, people put us in boxes. And they say, you can't step outside of this lane. And in life, I sometimes think people say, you've got to stay in this lane because that's where we think you are. I love it more than anything. When I watch people, people I know, people I care about, absolutely killing it. and stepping out of that place where people go, you can't do that because you did a reality show, because you did Made in Chelsea or whatever it is.

49:26And your music career is just going from strength to strength to strength because you never take no for an answer. You want to do it and you have this incredible talent. Thank you. See, my plan was to obviously get into the reality world to then become a singer. I actually have made becoming a singer a lot more harder for me. I get that. Yeah. And I have been put into a box, not just reality as crazy. And it's only, I would say, It's only been the last five years, I would say I've just been started to be taken seriously. Really? And what does that mean? When do you, why? What do you feel that suddenly shifted?

49:58What was the moment that shifted for you? Because I think once I had Landon and I went to Germany and it was just me at home in Germany and I started to feel myself at home, real, just natural, raw content, I think people started to realize, oh, she's actually normal. So when can we expect new music? Yeah. I can't even give you a date, but I would be hoping for the end of this year. Yeah. And I really want to like do this right. Have you, so have you made some? Oh, I've made loads. Is it good? I write all my own music. I co-write with people, real amazing producers that write with everyone. And I'm really, you know, I feel like I've worked my way to be able to be in the room with these people and they believe in me.

50:44they know I'm like I am a singer and I can write my own stuff and I can perform and I can do all this stuff like it's not easy writing a song and just to go in there and be creative and stuff that's another place where I'm really happy and now I have so much to write about and and being sort of a country that sort of country singer right what I what is a country for some reason is this genre that is just like, yeah, it's, it's beautiful. It's Amra. And country is in itself because you don't, it doesn't matter who you are, where you're from, what your age is, what you look like. Yeah. It doesn't really have boundaries like a sort of pop star has or other ones.

51:24You can kind of be anyone and go into it, which I love about it. What artists have inspired you? God, there's so many. Kerry Underwood, massively because she come from American Idol. and I liked that she was from a reality show and you would never think of her as a reality show winner. She inspired me a lot back in the day but then there's also artists now that have like blown up that I've loved for a long time. Like there's Elaine Wilson, Ella Langley. Ella Langley is so good. Come on, baby. I mean, I love it. I love it. Come on, baby. I know. Do you know, I actually performed with Riley Green who sang the song with her, You Look Like You Love Me, on his UK tour.

52:04Have you heard, I think it's Ella Langley's remix of, is it Bed of Roses? I don't know. Oh my God, I've got it. Oh, I have to listen to it. It is. Yeah, I love her. She's insane. But I'll watch her journey and I see all her videos and I'm just like, wow, like we are all in it the same way, like fighting. And it's just that one song. That makes you. You just need that one song. And obviously I'm with a completely different team now. I've been through you know years and years and years of like I've had times when I've been on the phone to like management and my old label crying down the phone like why is this not happening I think everyone gets that point right there's always that thing you get to that point where you're about to give up because you don't think it's going to happen at the point of giving up is when things start to happen without a doubt and it's and I see it so many times with founders with musicians with artists with athletes they're just like this is tough I just can't be bothered and you just have to keep somehow going.

53:02But the ones that make it are the ones that never give up. You never give up. You can never give up. And listen, I've taken a few years off. I've had Landon. I've had my time. I've actually had to really get my head around a lot of things, as you know. Yeah. And I think this year has been my time now. Fresh start. New team. I'm married. I've got a baby. I look at life so differently since I've had a baby. And having Landon, literally waking up to Landon every morning is the best thing ever in the world, as you know. So I'm like, okay, you know, let's just, let's roll with this. This is going to work because I'm still here and I'm sticking to it.

53:37But at the end of the day, like, I have this other huge thing to think about in my life. So I think it helps with my head, with things. Do you ever sing to London? Always, every day. Do you know why I sing to my baby? Do you? Five little ducks went swimming one day. I actually see this video. Over the hill and far away It's actually quite good. It's actually quite good. What do you sing to Landon? We actually like to sing a little bit of Ella Langley, me and Landon. Do you really? Yeah. And I actually used to play Landon Taylor Swift when I first had him. I know. He came to a Taylor Swift concert with me in my tummy.

54:15That Taylor Swift concert was the greatest thing. Insane. It was one of the greatest experiences I've ever had. How did I not even say her name when you said who inspired me? Taylor Swift. also we haven't even touched on the fact that you can cook so amazingly it like honestly and I want to encourage anyone to do it if you guys want some wholesome content some beautiful content or just know how to cook some most delicious things go on to it I think you do it you do a dish pretty much every night yeah yeah always every night always that's what I'm eating for dinner yeah but it's every night yeah it's I mean you've done this for and how many cookbooks have you done two cookbooks amazing yeah they're great gluten free cookbooks it's so good Landon eats what I eat now so it's easier whereas before I had to make him baby food and then me but I love it and he loves food and I love food and we sit and we eat together and it's great honestly you are you're incredible I know we don't have too much time before we go I want to play a quick game with you go on then are you ready for this I'm going to read you a line and you have to try and guess okay which TV show it's from oh god are you ready for this uh huh hold my drink before I do something stupid with it.

55:23X on the beach. Towie. Really? Thought it weren't bad on that one. She needs to calm the fuck down because I'll go ham on that bitch. X on the beach. It's a great night. It's unbelievable. I've had enough. I'm starving. Let me in. I'm hungry. I'm hungry. All I want to do is have a fucking piece of toast. Big brother. And in Big Brother, you were in that iconic Dave is Dead. I know. You and your fucking fringe can fuck off. that one is Towie that was a great scene you fucking walk around on your high horse like you're better than everyone else so good Towie you need to get some straightness on your hair because you look like a fucking lion there's X on the bait on the bait I clean my shit up I clean everyone's shit up slow to be brother yeah be bro shut your mouth and shut your legs what was that one on?

56:18on the beach. Yeah, I was so ruthless. I meant it as well when I said it. Can I just say, firstly, like, just congratulations on everything. Like, truly, like I said before, I love it when people try and put people in a box. They do it with me, they do it with loads of different people. And when you fight and you get out of it and you achieve what you're achieving. And being the mum that you are, being the incredible, wholesome sort of cook that you are, but also with your music that is just going to go from strength to strength. You should be so immensely proud of yourself. And I really hope you are.

56:53I am. No, it's taken me a lot of time to kind of get where I am. I am really proud. You should be, because it's incredible what you're achieving. Thank you. I just want to be the best mom I can to London. Do you know what I mean? And I feel like I've had a lot going on. I feel like I can kind of handle the little things. Listen, before we finish, we'd like to do a quick five questions. Are you ready for this? what's the saying or phrase that makes you smile or cheers you up when Landon says mama best compliment anyone's ever given you that I'm actually nice like really nice to speak to and I'm like okay thanks people always say to me you're actually you're actually not bad looking in real life I'm like brilliant what do I do with that that's great thanks you too yeah that's crazy what scares you most about yourself my overthinking when was the last time you cried apart from today last time I cried what a big cry a big cry basically I went to the Brita Walls it was amazing had an amazing night beautiful table sat down watched Harry Styles it was great and then me and my manager we went to a we went to a Walnut after party great had the best time ever and then we thought let's meet our friends let's go to a couple of bars afterwards in my ball gown we get to the door of somewhere and I'm like, got papped at the door and everyone's coming out.

58:21Megan, like, how are you? Are you coming up? I'm like, yeah, see you in a sec. See you in a sec. I get to the door. The security get all funny. You're not allowed in. I was like, oh, okay. Why? Someone above has texted us and your name's on the list. They're not allowed in. No. Yeah. So I had to walk away. No, then I said. Can I just walk in because I've been pictured and I'll go out the back door and I'll get my taxi to pick me around the back door. No stress. Cool. It's fine. No. He said, you're not allowed through the doors. I said, am I not even allowed to just stand there and then lift? No.

59:02I went, okay. I'm literally like gobsmacked. Never happened to me in my entire life. Yeah. So I had to leave, cry the whole way home. It's, you know what? It happened to me in a club when I was really young and I did that with, when I was on Made in Chelsea. Yeah. And I remember they said, you're not allowed in. And I was so embarrassed. So embarrassing. And I had to walk past everyone. It was just, and I just... It's so belittling and so horrible. So belittling for some reason. Yeah, I just, I didn't get it. And there's also ways of saying it. Like these security men were so rude. Like I was a piece of shit.

59:34Yeah. And there's like three of them. And they just, it was so, the treatment I got... And intimidating. So horrible. It ruined my whole night. I didn't even go to the other clubs that we wanted to go to. and then we sobbed and we checked into the hotel and just to top it off, there was a guy sitting down on the sofas and he went, are you that Meghan McKenna? I swear, I'll turn it around. So I said, yeah. He went, car, you used to look well better or something. What did he say? He was like, you look better. He said, car, you used to look well better on TV. And I looked at him. I went, oh, that's lovely, isn't it?

1:00:09And I just walked through the doors. I was done. I'm done. And that was my night. That's perfect. Thank you. Thank you. You look beautiful. You look beautiful. Do you know what as well? I was really glam tonight. Yeah, you look great. I thought, are you joking? I've just spent three hours getting glam for this night. Yeah, yeah. Cheek of it. Thank you. What's something you can't let go of? Something I can't let go of. Okay. really deep but it is feeling scared in the night time 100 % and I get that at the moment but I really think you will get past that EDMR promise you promise you what's your guilty pleasure?

1:00:54Dallas cheerleaders great shout yeah what do you love about Dallas cheerleaders? there's something about that process auditioning stages that reminds me of being in theatre school but also they're so ruthless and I love it that they just say what they want to say and I feel like that's what it was like when I was on TV and I love it. What's your biggest turn off?

1:01:20When someone pretends that they don't know who you are and they'll come over and say, are you that? I don't watch you, but can I have a photo for my mum? Happened to me in Ibiza with a DJ recently. He went to this He went He went I went Hey man So good to see you again And then he went Sorry who are you This guy had messaged me This guy had messaged me And I was like I was telling my little brother He's like a Gen Z Quite cool kid And I was like It's me And he was like Don't know who you are So I took my hat and glasses off And my brother went My brother went Not the hat I did it Unbelievable Oh it does kill me It kills me when people do it Yeah What's your biggest turn on?

1:02:04someone's aura 100 % yeah what do you like most about yourself I like I'm really good with just like holding I feel like I could meet new people and like make them feel at ease yeah I love that I'm good at that and I couldn't agree more with that yeah thank you you have it when you see you for the first time just this openness that's really nice it's so beautiful That's really nice. My mum would be proud. Favourite song of yours that you'd love to sing on stage? Oh, I mean, it has to be this, the one I sang on X Factor, because for me, that means everything, that song. And now I can relate it to Landon of all I wanted was this.

1:02:47It's just the words are so beautiful. Megan McKenna, thank you so much. You are fantastic company. You're the best. Thank you. That was amazing. Thank you. Thank you.