JESY NELSON - PART 2: Why I Walked Away From Little Mix

0:00Coming up in this episode of Great Company. When you decided to leave, that must have been hard, right? It's Little Mix! We were best mates. Apparently I was so sad. I just felt like I was faking it the whole time. I could not handle it. I couldn't deal with it. I had my really shit times in Little Mix, but I also had some of the best times of my life. Would there ever be a reunion tour? Alright.

0:29Hello everyone. My name is Jamie Lang, and this is Great Company.

1:00her confidence and finding it again. We also talk about the X Factor Little Mix and her decision to leave the band. Before we get into it, I'm just going to ask you to do one quick thing for me, if that's possible. Please just follow and subscribe to Great Company. It's totally free and we want to keep it that way. Okay. And it really helps us keep bringing the guests you love and making the show bigger and better for you every single week. If you can do that one thing, thank you so much. Okay. Let's get into part two with the amazing Jesse Nelson.

1:37Where the documentary starts is like right at the beginning, right? And there's this moment in the documentary which I was like, it's footage of you as a kid and you're on stage and you're singing and your voice cracks. And for you, you say that's the kind of moment that you became aware of like audience and things like that. And that for me, I don't know why, but this beautiful, sweet, gorgeous girl singing and your voice cracks on stage. It was just like, oh my God. What were you like as a kid? I just always wanted to entertain people. So whether that was like making people laugh, whether that was singing, dancing, acting, I always knew that it was when I got older, that was what I wanted to do, just entertain.

2:15Even when I was at school, oh, I was so shit at school. I was a little bit naughty in terms of, I was a bit of a class clown. I liked making people laugh. But in terms of really knuckling down and like getting all of my schoolwork, I was just shit because I just felt like I knew that I wasn't going to do any of that. Because you didn't want that. That's not what you agreed with. You weren't that. And it's mad. I remember getting called in. I think it was around the time I was taking my GCSEs and the head teacher pulled me in and she said, you know, we need to have a chat because, you know, it's not looking great.

2:47And I was like, okay. She's like, so what is it that you want to do? Like what, you know, future wise? And I said, well, I want to be a singer. And she looked at me and she said, right well I don't think that's gonna happen and I was like okay and she was like I think you need to start you know really knuckling down and taking school seriously because that's because that's what you need to do in order to succeed right and then the funny thing was was when I wanted to expect they wanted me to come back and give a speech and I thought all right well I'll tell her what you said then I'll give that speech I love isn't that funny when that happens I was the same at school I was like I just hated work and also if you're not academically smart you're kind of seen as an outcast and then also on yourself you kind of think you're stupid I remember my English teacher said to me I went he was great though and shout out Mr.

3:42Hindley wherever you are in the world and he was amazing he really was amazing and he was a teacher kind of really sort of leaned into mine because I was very naughty and I said Mr. Hindley why can't I spell and he said Jamie it's because you're stupid that's what he said to me in the class and I was like okay I guess like is it not because of something else so you automatically in your head you sort of think if you're not achieving those grades you sort of think less of yourself and then I think what happens is that you kind of go and seek other things in other areas and that's why I went into like sports and entertainment because I thought well if I can't achieve validation here I need it from somewhere else but but take me back to being at school school hard time easy time apart from the teachers what were other kids like I went to like four different schools.

4:26Really? Yeah. So went to one with my brother, my brothers and my sister was the first one. And then I left because I wanted to go to like a proper theatre school. So I went to Sylvia Young Theatre School. You did? And Rita Ora was in my class. Let's go. Yeah. Here we go. So yeah, so went to Sylvia. So bless my mum. So I had to audition for that and it was for a scholarship and I got down to the last three. I never got the scholarship and my mum knew how much I wanted to go. So she just worked every job under the sun. to be able to pay for the fees to go. And I went and I loved certain parts of it and there were parts of it that I absolutely hated.

5:02So the parts that I hated, I would just not turn up and then bless my mum, she'd be like, oh, you know, I'm kind of going to be skint for this and you're just not rocking up to school. So... What were the bits you didn't like? Well, you'd have to have elocution lessons. And I hated that because I was like, you know, I'm an Essex girl. I like that. And I just feel like, you know, what makes us beautiful as humans is that we're all different. so why do we want to sound and speak the same and you know the lady fucking hated me she you know if I was common as Mark and I just hated it and I had to do ballet and I didn't like that either but like acting, singing, dancing loved all of that but yeah I'd only I'd like turn up to the so Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday would be like normal school days and then Thursday and Friday we'd dance, singing and acting all day so Friday was like the days when it would be elocution and ballet and I'd just never turn up on a Friday and then me and my wife had to have a discussion and then she was just like, you know, come on.

5:55Have you always been like that, Jessie? Because that feels to me, in my eyes seeing that, that feels like someone who knows what they want to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is the, so some people call me a diva back in the day, but I've always known what I will and won't do. But you can't tell me, like no one can tell me what to do. And you've always been like that? Always been like that. And I don't know where that stems from. I don't know if that stems back to like childhood and a sense of control. And I'm also actually like it in relationships. Really? Yeah. Sorry. I know I'm literally going into so many different topics here.

6:31Are you kidding me? This is wonderful. Okay, so you're Sylvia Young. You're enjoying it. And then making friends, popular? Yeah. I mean, I don't feel like I've ever been like, I feel like I've always been able to just get on with everyone. I feel like I'm quite a social butterfly. I feel like I can be in a room with anyone and I can chat to anyone. But then when I left Sylvia's, I was then put into a school that at the time was the only school that had space and that was where I got really bullied. And it completely like broke my confidence because I was very, very confident as a child. And then I went to school and got really bullied.

7:13And then, yeah, I guess that's maybe where my confidence started to, break yeah break down how old were you at that point 13 i'd say maybe 12 13 anyway i eventually left that school because i couldn't deal with it and i got alopecia because of the stress from the bullying and i left but just you you brush over it so quickly that is like only because i know that so many people who love you adore you who are listening to this right now are probably in a similar situation maybe they're 15 16 13 years old maybe they're at work whatever it is and they're going through this thing where people are being mean they're being bullied and maybe and I remember speaking to Luke Evans right who grew up in Wales and he was bullied and he had this vision that oh one day he would get out of it but a lot of kids that age don't ever have that vision they think they're stuck in this space and they're not going to be able to get out of it and this is what life is going to be forever but it's only as I've got older and I've like really been through the shit that I've been through that I can now really understand a bully because I just you know i truly believe that no real genuine happy person that is secure within themselves would ever feel the need to whether it be write a comment on someone's instagram whether it be say something to them in person do that because i believe and and now i see them so differently because i and i actually feel sad for them because i'm like if you were truly happy you wouldn't you wouldn't be doing that so there must be something really like deep and internal within you that's going on to make you want to do that because you know i you know of course i've got a lot of shit going on but i am still genuinely like within myself like happy yeah and i could never i couldn't dream of ever going on someone's picture and writing something or or going up to someone in person and putting them down like i i feel like i could only ever get there if i was truly truly truly you know because what gives them the motivation to go and do that well i think they're just there's something deep and truly internal going on to make make someone do that i really believe that and i think that's when you have to see them completely different and it's really sad but when you're in the moment when you're 13 years old you're just like that's what's so hard because you only really get to that stage when you get older you've been through loads of shit but yeah so that happened i left that school but then you had said you had alopecia yes because of the stress yeah how did that manifest that what happened there well I just remember doing my hair and I noticed I had a big ball patch and I was like what the fuck is that and I didn't didn't even know that it was alopecia I didn't know what alopecia was I didn't know and then um and then he obviously went and got it checked out and they told me it was alopecia and it can be caused from stress and then I went to an I was taken out of that school there was a teacher there at the time that knew I was really into like music and dance.

10:04And she said, I'm going to this brand new school and they specialise in performing arts. And I think I can get you a space there. And I was like, okay, amazing. So that ended up being my last school and it was the best school I've ever been to. It gave me my confidence back. I just felt like I really just became me again.

10:38So what made you audition for X Factor? I've just always been the biggest fan of X Factor. I love it. Like, religiously. The greatest, right? Back in the day, you know, just when times were just more simple and you'd run home to watch it. We didn't have social media. We didn't have anything. No, this is the best. Don't you feel so lucky to have lived in that era? 100%. I feel so lucky. We had like a Game Boy and like a slush puppy. And you would go like knock for your friends and ask if they're coming out to play. Yeah. And now you can't do that because you think you can't leave your house because it's too scary.

11:10I know, literally. But yeah, I was the biggest fan of X Factor. And, you know, when I was younger, I actually thought it was acting was my main passion. One of my, my very, very first audition as a child. I don't know if you've seen this film, was for Man on Fire. Yes. With Denzel Washington. It's one of my favourite movies. You know the little girl that's in that? That was my very first audition. And I remember my agent coming up to me and she said to me, I was eight, she said to me, listen, I've got you a massive audition. Like, I don't think you understand how huge this is. It's with Denzel Washington.

11:44I'm thinking who's Denzel Washington at the time. But yeah, I've still got the script to this day that's in the film. It's one of my favourite movies. It's amazing. Creasy! Yeah. Oh my God. So yeah, so I've completely gone off subject. Wait, wait, hang on a second. So ever since you were even eight years old, you were hustling, auditioning, trying. I just loved it, honestly. I've always wanted to be in entertainment. What was it about it? Trying to explain that to me. What is it? It's funny you say this. So I think the reason that I love acting so much is because I don't have to be myself. And so, you know, when I do music videos, when I was in Little Mix, they were the bane of my life.

12:27Like I cannot tell you how much I despise doing a music video. But any time we didn't have to be ourselves or we got to play a character or do a bit of acting, I was like, I loved it. I was like in my element. And I think that's the reason why, because I don't have to be myself. Really? So you can then escape and become something else? Yeah. And I think that's why I loved acting so much. And that was like my main passion as a kid. But then, yeah, obviously didn't work out. Then I went on to dancing. So then I danced with diversity for like since I was 12 So yeah, so they're like Sorry, the research has not told me these little nuggets Are you kidding me?

13:07Yeah, but this was before they were diversity Wow So yeah, I went to their dance school at the age of 12 It's active, it's community, it's part of like a You like being Oh my god, I love it so much Creating, being, doing Yes, yeah, love it so much So I was with them up until I was 19. And then they, so what happened was we were all just like one big group. Then there was a girl group, which I was in. And then there was diversity, the boy group. And they had decided they wanted to audition for Britain's Got Talent. And then they won it. Amazing. And it's just, it's just fucking mad. They won it.

13:46And then I felt like when they won it, like Ashley wasn't around as much to teach. and I kind of just like lost the like passion that I had for it because they weren't there as much because you needed that leader almost you needed that thing yeah and I just like they were like my family at the time I was so close with them so when they weren't there there was like different teachers coming in and I just didn't I just didn't have the same love for it as I did and then literally then they won British Got Talent and then the year later I won X Factor so you go into X Factor do you remember do you remember the because in the documentary which is amazing it shows that very first audition and i'm sorry i'm gonna say it gary barlow can fuck off like i'm not even joking you no no i sat with him in a sawny war budgie smugglers once i'm not even joking it was a weird but now when i watch my audition back i'm like fair do is because it was fucking horrendous so i'm like you had every right to say what you had to say but obviously at the time i just remember it being the year that simon cow wasn't there and he was the one that i was just Was that disappointing that he wasn't?

14:46I was so disappointed. You're like, it's going to be a dad because Simon's not today. That's what you're thinking, right? But also, I was like, they were telling me that Gary was the Simon. So I was like, okay. So when he obviously fucking like absolutely annihilated me, I was like, this is horrendous. But describe a son who doesn't know. And again, it's in the documentary. It's amazing. But you go onto stage, it's X Factor. And it's also X Factor had changed by that point where it's then in front of a massive audience. Yeah, it's not just the one-on-one. And you're how old? I just turned 20 on the day that I did my audition.

15:20Okay, so you're 20 years old. Okay, you're like all of us. We're trying to figure out life. We're insecure. We're all of those things. You go on stage and you're in front of Gary Barlow, Louis Walsh, Talisa and Kelly Rowland. Also, I just want to say that was the first time. So you know the video you saw in the documentary where I was singing on stage as a little girl? That's then the next time I'd ever sung in front of anyone since that time. So honestly, I actually don't. when I really think about me mentally I'm like I don't know what I was thinking because so just let me get that straight so you you went on stage as you must have been I mean what 10 oh that was eight eight you're eight and you sing a song beautifully can I say and at one point there's a little crackle in your voice and you do this very sweet thing in the documentary you say you saw the audience go yeah and and they start to like feel sorry for you and that and then from that moment on because you experienced that moment that sort of failure I suppose you then didn't sing on stage in front of people until the x factor yeah I was just wild I honestly I don't know what went through my brain and you know what I wasn't even meant to do that audition the day that my alarm went off I thought I'd missed it and I remember my mum come running in the room she's like Jeff hey we gotta get you gotta miss the audition I was like oh I don't care honestly I was like, it doesn't matter.

16:40Really? Yeah. And she was like, absolutely not. She was like, you're doing it. She was like, I will stand in the queue for you. Because you were nervous? Because you were scared? You didn't think you were going to... I just was like, probably, my fears probably were projecting at that point. And so I was just like, I don't really care to do this. But it was my mum that was like, no, listen, you're going to do it. If I have to stand in the queue and you can sit in the car and do your makeup. But, like, my mum, honestly, she is just, like, the best. Explain why. Talk to me about your mum. Because she just, oh, no, I'm going to get emotional now.

17:13It's all right. I'll get it. Don't worry. I'm there already, so it's okay. She's just, like, Wonder Woman to me. She's just the best. I'll give you this. Thank you. And it's only, like, I mean, I've always known that about my mum, but it's you only like really like deep it when you become a mum and you realise all the shit that she like sacrificed for her children. But yeah, she, like I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for my mum. Like she was the one who was like, you're doing it and not in a way of like being a pushy mum. That's one thing I love about my mum. My mum is like, you know, you can get pushy parents that like, you get up on that stage.

17:54My mum is like, listen, if you want to be, I don't know Whatever Whatever, as long as my children are happy, I'm happy But she knew that that made me happy But she knew that I was just scared So she wasn't pushing me, she just was, you know Gentle nudge So she gets you out, she gets you to the audition She gets you to the audition And I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about this You can talk about it Well, no You can talk about it There's a few things I'm not allowed to talk about. You know, before you get on stage in front of the judges, there's a whole process of auditions you have to go through before you even get to that stage.

18:35So obviously I'd been through about five auditions before I even got to that point. I remember going into this like room and it was full of like, I don't know, executive directors of ITV and X-Factor and whatever. And there was about five of them. They all sit on this long table. and I walked in there was one little camera there and they said and this was my last edition before you get to the if you are going to get to the judges I feel nervous for you and they said um they said oh so on here it says you're a dancer and I thought fuck my life I know what's gonna happen right now this is not happening it's not happening I just knew what was gonna happen they said well do you want to show us something I said sorry they said do you just want to give us a little routine not in the silence no no no wait so i said oh i don't have any music that was like no guys guys guys it was this some people weren't even in time so it's like and i literally no jamie what did you pull out i don't even know i actually don't even know what i did i don't even want to know what i did but i don't honestly and also my adrenaline was like literally pumping out of my chest.

19:47So by the time I'd finished whatever the fuck I'd just done, I was so out of breath. And then they said, okay, so when you're ready to sing. My God, it's chaos. So I literally, I'm singing this song. I'm being mad. Well, I was singing this song and I literally would die. And I just remember thinking, well, that's it. I've fucked it. I've completely fucked it. And they said, oh, thanks, Jessie. We'll let you know. and I walked out you're 20 yeah I walked out and I was 19 at that point I walked out and my mum blessed my mum she's like and I just burst into tears and I said mum I don't ever want to do that again let's just go home I died and she was like why darling what's happened and I told her she's like oh sure it weren't that bad and I was like no mum you don't understand what just happened um and so can't believe they clapped that is no no no that is horrendous no but imagine right now yeah yeah yeah All of us being like, come on, Jamie.

20:43I would probably do it. But honestly. No, I can't even imagine when your nerves are through the roof. When you're, and also. Also, I'm just like not that kind of dancer. I'm not a freestyler. And you also have your routine. You know what you're there to do. And suddenly it's like this, you have this blueprint in your mind. I'm going to turn up. I'm going to sing this. I'm going to do that. I'm going to knock out the park. But then suddenly they throw you a curveball. You're like, well, sorry. Sorry, we're going off piece here. Like you guys dance. What's going on here? Wow. Yeah, so it was just horrendous.

21:13So from that day, I was like, don't everyone do that again. Humiliating. Also, I just was like, it was so bad. I was like, they're not going to ask me to come back. So I do this a lot. When fear kicks in for me, I will get to the worst place before I get there. Because I'm like, then it won't hurt as much. So I'll just mentally put myself there as quickly as possible. It's a protective thing. It's a protective mechanism in a weird way. But it's stupid, really, because I just hurt myself twice. Because you still don't, even when someone then confirms it to you, it still doesn't hurt. No. You know what I mean?

21:52It's less. I saw this thing and I actually put it on my Instagram story this morning, which is really hard. We do this as humans, right? Which is where I said, just imagine if today, if this week goes okay. Because what we do in our brains, we never think that. We never think, we don't think tomorrow is going to be sunny. We think it's probably going to rain. or we don't think oh we're gonna we're going to go and do that and sometimes I think it's really important to try and shift that mindset 100 % but it's obviously a protective mechanism that we do because if you go to the worst straight away you think in your head when I get delivered that news I'm not gonna get it's not gonna hurt as much but I'm like it in every I think I've definitely got better for sure but like I'm like it in relationships just everything I'm like what you just think straight away it's not gonna work well if I feel like I can feel someone's gonna hurt me I'll get in there before you it's really bad yeah I think a lot of people do that though I think as well I have this big fear of rejection so I'll like it's good industry I'll reject you before you can reject me it's so bad so just you get on a stage you do your song Gary Barlow says you don't think you're good and all this goes or whatever he says to you oh maybe it's not going to work you come off and you say in the documentary which is made you say there were so many great comments for everyone else but what happens is is that you just focus on his comments that should have been the sign that this was not the industry for me honestly because you know it's there in black and white like louis talisa they're all saying lovely things to me and i can see i know me and i'm when i watch me back on stage i can see that my brain's going oh my god just thinking about that one comment that gary's just said to me which then just followed through throughout my whole life I know she said I don't know why because you're like like we're gonna again I don't want to too jump ahead because I don't want to get into it but I just you know I reckon all your agents your management your team your family sometimes probably want to shake you oh yeah for sure like even me who briefly knows you want to shake you and say sitting across from me now is a beautiful talented kind funny charismatic amazing person mum whatever it is and everyone else can see that but for some reason you don't see that within yourself well I one thing I will say is actually since becoming a mum I feel like I've my confidence so weird I mean I can't speak for all mums but I feel that from when I've seen online a lot of mums when they get pregnant have children then lose their confidence and feel like they've lost themselves whereas I feel like since I've had children I'm like the most confident I've ever been it's like the most I've ever loved myself it's just the most powerful I've ever felt um so yeah I think do you know it's interesting I think sometimes that happens because I think a lot of the time speaking from a personal point of view maybe um we have a lot of time to think about ourselves one I was just about to say you know we think about ourselves a lot my mum said she said you don't don't have time you don't you're not worrying about yourself anymore because you don't have you're worrying about something more bigger better and so then you're just actually like well hang on a second what was I even for sure thinking about and also I'm very aware of like the language that I'm speaking around my children now and how the things that I would normally do and say I'm like so like aware of trying not to do that around them because my mum won't care I think I've said this in my documentary you know there's a lot of stuff that I also picked up from my mum as a child, you know, like when it come down to, I remember as a child, I always saw my mum constantly weighing herself.

25:34And I picked that up as a child. And I think that followed through. And I always saw my mum drinking Slimfast. And then as I got older, I started doing that. And it's what you, I believe you learn. 100%. You learn that. And it was a different generation because our parents' generation was all about being as skinny as possible and weighing yourself. Which scares me because I feel like we're going back to that now. But yeah. What do you want to teach your girls then? Oh, gosh. I feel like I don't even need to teach them anything because what they show me already, I'm like, fuck my life. Like, this is how you are at this age.

26:08Like, honestly, I remember a story going on the ambulance and she was on a little stretcher and she was just smiling at me the whole way. And I just remember thinking, like, how can I ever now be sad? Like, look at her. She's going through all of this. And she's still smiling.

26:35Can we quickly talk about Little Mix? Of course we can, yeah. Because, holy shit, I think everyone's... Man, when I want to be in a good mood, that gets whacked up. Oh, I love that.

26:53Unbelievable. do you um even though look i know it was a tough time at moments do you look back at that time and just go that was oh god yeah like listen i had my really shit times in little mix but i also had some of the best times of my life and what was amazing was genuinely i was doing it with my three best friends wow you know and and it's you can't ever know if it's going to work or not right when you get put into a band yeah majority of the time but genuinely we were you guys best mates we were best mates and that is why we lasted so long because we just like we all wanted we all had the same vision we all we all wanted the same thing and we just we honestly we just had so much fun was being in a band amazing the best and it's only until you come out of it and you do it so solo that then you realize like actually being in a band is like way more powerful I think than being a solo artist I can't explain it to you I feel like and and and someone said this to us when we were on x factor there's this there's a real difference to when one person walks in one woman walks into a room than when four girls walk into a room there's like a real power and I felt that all the time every single time when it whether it be we're walking down the street or We'd be on stage like we were like such a force to be reckoned with.

28:24Do you remember that moment when you might actually win X Factor? When you were just like... It sounds so bad, I'm going to say. Can't wait. Bless them. They must have forced. Give it a rest. Every night before we'd have the results night, I used to get in a circle with them. We'd all hold hands and I'd be like, girls, prepare ourselves to go home. We're probably going to go home tonight. I thought you were going to say the opposite. No, no, no. Did you really? That's what I mean. I'm preparing myself for the worst all the time. But you also manifest, which is why. I know, honestly. Yeah. So, yeah, I used to, like, gear them up to, like, be, like, probably going to go home tonight.

29:02Also, because when we were on X Factor, girl bands, like, never made it past the first round. No, nothing. They were always the first to be kicked off. Yeah. Like, I'm mad, actually. I remember my mum was seeing this guy at the time, and he wanted to put a bet on us to win it. and we were like I don't know how it works when it comes to betting but we were like the least the least odds yeah the lowest odds to like actually do it and I think he put something like I don't even know he put something really little on at the time but my mum was like you can't do that no don't do that you've got to you've got to waste you've got to waste you've got to waste your money on my daughter she ain't winning she's not winning you're kidding me don't do it I'm making and you're like brilliant thanks mum I'm making my mum sound so bad no you're kidding me but she was like don't waste your money anyway and then obviously when we went that was winning but a very chunky size of money but yeah i used to prepare every night us to lisa like we're gonna go home and then and then i think if you actually watch all of our results like you can genuinely see on our faces every time we go through that we're gobsmacked that we've gone through because it was it was just like girl bands were always like yeah just off in the first few weeks so every time we'd go through we were like what is going on?

30:15Like, obviously we knew we were good and we knew that we were like, I don't know. I, I believe like, obviously we were all talented and we were a great girl band, but I believe the real heart and soul behind Little Mix was that one, we were like best mates. And two, I feel like we were just not your like generic girl band at that time. I know you, but also you were kind of, you know, in a sort of, you were kind of all relatable, but also not. Yes. Like, so it kind of worked. Like a Pussycat Dolls. It's amazing that I'm such a fan of Pussycat Dolls. You know, we didn't look like Pussycat Dolls.

30:50We looked like we were in a car crash at the time. No, honestly, some of the outfits and the makeup that we had, I know that the other three would all say the same. I'm going to beg to disagree. I mean, this is when I'm talking about an X Factor. And I think that we were just like, yeah, relatable. And I think that like there were little girls at home looking at us being like, oh I look like her or I can relate to her and I think that is a big reason of why Little Mix were so massive because so many of our fans could see themselves in us and it's so mad because now we've gone on and like as we've got older our fans I feel like are a representation of us as people yeah I couldn't agree more what was the moment when was there a moment when you suddenly were like guys we've made it there must have been a moment where you were like oh gosh um there's been a few okay well come on my first ever one which was so small at the time was when we were on x factor yeah and oh it's wild they used to have so first of all we lived in this house that's where they just threw everyone all the contestants in this big mansion and then you were like it was in the middle of nowhere and you were like surrounded by this big fence it was barbed wire and it was all paps outside and there was security guards like surrounding the house and you weren't allowed to leave unless you needed to go Sainsbury's everyone's snogging everyone or no there's none of that it was crazy but um and I remember like you'd have fans that would like big experts that would come to the house and they would like be outside and they'd just wait for you to come outside and sign their books and stuff and no one gave a shit about us like no one like we'd come out we'd be like guys and everyone would be like you know yeah yeah no get out of here we'd just be like okay never mind i want to see matt cardle and then i remember someone was like oh can i get your autograph and that was the moment for me first ever moment right in my autograph that i'd been doing at school for years and being like fuck this is like this isn't real and that was the first moment when I was like oh it's this is real now but then the the proper pop star moment for me yeah which I've not really ever felt a lot in being in Little Mix was when we performed Shout Out to My Ex at the Brit Awards and I'll never forget we were um in the break we were like coming performing after the break and we were like in the wings because we were like being brought in on these silver thrones damn strange and i just remember whoever was the presenter at the time being like okay guys everyone needs to get back to their seats little mix are performing in a couple of minutes and i just remember seeing the whole arena like just like rush back to their tables to like watch us and that was like a real moment of like oh wow like yeah you know what i mean and I just remember humming through on these throats and seeing Simon Cowell just looking up at us and I was like and he was thinking yeah I was thinking I'm a pop star let's go yeah that was like a real moment wow I think it was so crap I'm really cringy no you kidding me don't dude never feel cringy I think because you know what it's like but also I think what happens is that you know you're that little girl who is like going to dance classes, going to Sylvia, whatever it is, and then suddenly you're this pop star.

34:29And it's weird how life does this, though, that everything you almost wish for happens, but then you don't give yourself time to really enjoy it. No. And that's what's upsetting. A hundred percent. And it's only when you come out of it, though, that you then take it in. If the eight-year-old dude who got the little voice crack could suddenly see the future you, she would be like, she would explode. I know. She would know what... It's mad. But I only ever really, really took it in when I left. that moment just when you decided to leave that must have been hard right because it's all the things you've wanted to do live dutch and then suddenly and these are your best friends yeah it was really tough what i find amazing right is i suppose in life we're presented with difficult decisions and you can take one road do whatever it is and one road sometimes seems easier to do and you can stay on it but it might not be the most healthy or the best or whatever for you it's very hard to take that other road that can be in business a relationship a friendship whatever it is and I admire you because you took the harder road which is to say you know what this yeah it's time for me not to do it yeah I mean that and that had presented itself quite a few years before I'd even made that decision I was there was a time when I was like I want to leave and I remember sitting down with my family and it was actually because of my brother that I then stayed really yeah because I just on I sure from the minute I got off x-factor I felt like I didn't want to be in it I did and I didn't like I did because I just you know it was my dream but the way it was making me feel was just like I couldn't I could not handle it I couldn't deal with it and obviously I had to show up every day to like a music video or an interview and and I just was being this I just felt like I was faking it the whole time because internally I was so sad and don't give me a while I wasn't sad every day there was definitely days like when I had amazing times but but it never really fully left me it never really went away and the first time I wanted to leave I remember I went home and and we were kind of like me and my family like weighing up all the like what and we kind of weren't even at that point like our biggest yeah we were it had only been like two years um but we were still big yeah it was everyone still knew who little mix were yeah so it was like well if you leave now what are you going to do because i just wanted to come out of it completely like i didn't want to have anything to do with the industry i just went in one was like but jesse you know what like my brother was like what are you going to do because you're going to go back to me in a bar maybe you can't do that and i was like well I don't know like I don't I don't know but I just know that I can't do this anymore and you're stuck in a limbo and my mum was like it doesn't matter she just needs to be happy just just fuck it off like just that's what my mum's like she's just like my mum just can't bear seeing her children in pain and she just wants them to be happy so she was like you know just leave and we'll figure it out and my brother was like you are so much stronger than what you give yourself credit for and I think you can stick this out for another few years.

37:43I'm just going to be completely honest with what he said. He was like, just make as much money as you can. He said, you know, you've got a chance to really change, like, your family's life. If you, somewhere, which I know you do deep down, you can do this for another couple of years, do it and then leave. He said, because you'll never get this opportunity again. Best advice. And it was. Best advice. As much shit as I went through and it was hard, it was. because I have now been able to change my family's life. And also I'm now in a situation, thankfully, that now I've been presented with this situation with my girls.

38:20I can now, you know, go above and beyond in terms of, you know, just the things that they're going to need in terms of physio and just all the extra things that I can now do for them because of the situation that I was in.

38:38Jessie can I just say I said it to you before I just yeah there's no words that I could that I could say for how you know that's very sweet incredible you are how strong you are how resilient you are and how special you are and this documentary which is coming out it's going to be on Prime Video yes globally globally it launches on 13th of February 13th of February yep okay that is like a little Valentine's Day gift for anyone I promise you if you're not watching this you've lost your mind because I've had a brief little glimpse into what it's like and holy I'm gonna say fucking hell it's unbelievable thank you so much and thank you for allowing these cameras into your life thank you for being so open and honest and thank you for saving so many people out there their families and so much heartache so I mean I just yeah honestly you're incredible honestly you are just listen we um and it's called life after little mix yes it is let's go um we like to end our conversation with eight quick fire questions are you ready yes i'm ready what's the saying or phrase that makes you smile or cheers you up i had one i saw one the other day and it felt very relevant to my life and i don't know if i'm going to word this correctly but i'll give it a go it's not about the events that happen in your life that define you it's about what you do with the events that have happened to you to then propel you might be the best answer we've ever had hands down best compliment anyone's ever given you oh uh when i was at great normal street the other day uh one of the doctors came in and she said to me um i just want to say that when i become a mom i hope that i'm a half the mom that you are and that was like that's not the best compliment anyone's ever given me What scares you most about yourself?

40:29Oh my god, just how much my brain can spiral Especially at night Oh god You're like, I'm exhausted No, literally I know Who was your first celebrity crush? Oh my god, I've had so many I think Justin Timberlake Nice Yeah, and then it was Lil Wayne Nice Nice Yeah Different Yeah

41:06That's unbelievable What's something you can't let go of? Something I won't let go of is Getting this hill brick changed in the country What's your guilty pleasure? Please don't be offended by this It's made in Chelsea 100 % It's also mine Re-watching old clips of me Sophie this was a good bit Let's watch it again It's so good It's so good Back in the day Unbelievable What turns you off? Rude people Yeah 100 % What turns you on? Someone That Can enter a room And leave it Without Giving a shit What anyone thinks about them I will not be turning you on Anytime soon

41:58what do you like most about yourself i think i've had a lot of shit happen and i'd like to think that i've tried to turn them all into a positive you're resilient under the zone last one bonus favorite little mix song oh um i've got different reasons for them all i'm sorry i'm not being quick fire right now I'm going to say, oh God, shout out to my ex. It's big. Question just for me. Would there ever be a reunion tour? Oh my God. Who knows? All right. Jessie Nelson, thank you so much. You've been amazing. Thank you. Jessie, you're incredible. Thank you so much.

43:01Thank you.