LUKE EVANS: Realising Who You Are | GREAT MOMENTS

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2:08Hello everyone, I'm Jamie Lang and this is Great Moments. Hey everyone, I hope you're well and welcome back to Great Moments. Now if you're new here, this is the place where I'm going to bring you a standout moment from one of my favorite great company conversations. These are the moments that have stayed with me long after the recording, and I hope you can take something away from them. Now, if today's conversation leaves you wanting more, you can find the link to the full episode in the show notes. So sit back, settle in, and here it is.

2:42I want to talk about the fact that you grew up in Wales. And you've written about this in your book. You were confused with your sexuality, and you also grew up as a Jehovah's Witness. yeah that combination crazy is wild yeah yeah it's not um not the best combination in the world um there's law there that would there's one that says people that will die at armageddon um are murderers thieves men who lie with men you know things like that they're in the same the same paragraph in the Bible. So as I'm a young kid, you know, realizing firstly, I'm different, not understanding what it is, can't ask anybody because obviously I couldn't, no one around me wasn't a Jehovah's witness.

3:35Um, then realizing who I was coming to terms with that, but not being able to tell anyone because every now and again, we'd be in kingdom hall and that scripture would be read out loud. And I just felt like, you know, there was a big arrow on my head. And anybody that doesn't stick to the religion, who is baptized, which I was very young, if you don't stick to the rules, you're disfellowshipped and you're cut off and basically literally cut off. You lose everyone. They completely ignore you like you didn't exist. Their reason for that is that it keeps the congregation clean. but I think partly it is also to do with the fact that that person who's been thrown out loses everything they've ever known their support network their family their parents their brothers and sisters their friends that's everything it's removed from them overnight and it can damage it I mean the stories are horrendous I am very fortunate when I read the stories of some ex-witnesses who've been disfellowshipped and have lost everyone, you know, from marriages breaking up to problems with drugs, employment, depression, confidence, loneliness, and inevitably suicide.

4:58There's too many of these stories. So I'm very lucky in a way that I managed to get out of it the way I did and start a new life. But I was always very sort of like, I remember at 12 years old going, I have to make a plan because I know this isn't going to change. I knew at 16 I was going to leave home and I did. I made a plan and until then I was just going to throw myself into the religion and be the best fucking Jehovah's Witness they'd ever had. So that when I left, they'd be like, oh God, he was the best one we've ever had. so I did, I threw myself into the religion, I did everything they wanted me to do, and then I slowly just distanced myself, and I got to 16, and then I left home and started another life, and so sadly, the only people I have in my life from before 16 are the non-Jehovah's Witness people, which we didn't know many, all my oldest friends are from 16 onwards, which is very sad.

5:58Your parents, man, they just seem to be amazing. They are. They really are. Amazing. Yeah. And to the point where they were devoted and they didn't, when you decide to leave, they didn't deny you. No, I'm not. It was very difficult. It wasn't like, nope, we're just going to be in your life. It was not easy. It was just not easy. It wasn't something that we could, it was even cloak and dagger for a while, you know when we would meet because they were just like i don't know like the cia or something just keeping an eye on us all the time are you serious even when i moved to london yeah i was disfellowshipped six years after i left the religion i thought i'd move to london and get away from it all and not not bring any reproach nobody knew that i'd been a jehovah's witness um but yes it was like six years after then they disfellowshipped me and i was like seriously up until that time of course my parents could keep in touch because there was no disfellowshipping but after that it became very very difficult so we've been through a lot and I really admire them I mean I respect their religion I respect their beliefs it's wonderful that they found something when they were teenagers that's brought them a lot of happiness but it wasn't my choice I didn't get a choice and of course who I am you know deep down is not something that their religion that I was born into except.

7:28So I didn't really have a choice whether I wanted to be a witness or not. And because of who I am, I lost everyone except my mum and dad. They have managed to find a way where they love their God, they love their religion, they respect what they do, but they also have a child who they love and cherish, as do I them. Why on earth would it feel right to disown him. I've never questioned their beliefs. I never want to. I'm very happy for them. It just took some trust, understanding, patience, and just acceptance of each other. And they're great. I think they're such a good example of what a Jehovah's Witness could be like if they just let them.

8:18There's an amazing thing which I wrote, which I want to read. I read this and it made me tear up because you've supported your parents in lots of ways. You bought the house next to them. They rented out so they got money and all these different things. Your dad gave a speech and he said this, when I got sick, who put petrol in the car? Who paid for the electricity? Who paid for the food in the fridge? was it you no it was our son

8:56don't come to our house and tell us not to speak to our son because if it wasn't for him we wouldn't have this house yeah it's unbelievable yeah yeah yeah it's it's very hard to even talk about it because it's it's a very emotional thing that you know he said those words and they came from the heart and they're true. I've always supported them and made sure they're safe, usually before myself, and they're good. They're my priority in life to make sure they're happy and safe and need for nothing, want for nothing. So it was a nice thing that he said that. Obviously not a pleasant thing he'd had to say to the people that he's, you know, supposed to spend forever on paradise on earth with.

9:52But, you know, he put it straight. He set it straight. And he's right. Yeah. Damn it. Like, of course he's right. Of course he's fucking right. How dare you tell... Nobody has the right to tell somebody else not to talk to their flesh and blood. I know. That's your choice whether you do that. Nobody... It's insane. It's the personification of love, which is unbelievable. I always got told something, which is where if your parents show you love, you know how to be loved yourself. And what is amazing as well is that when you were bullied at school, you kind of always said, well, there's something wrong with the bullies because you were loved so much, you knew you were okay.

10:35You felt almost enough maybe that you could sort of get through it. I somehow knew that it was, I used to say, and I don't know how, because I didn't have anyone to talk to about the bully, the words that they used to call me, right? It was horrible. What were they calling me? I think a bender, shirtlifter, jovey bender, which is like the amalgam of the two things, which could never be together, you know. It's like I used to say to myself at that young age, this is only temporary. At some point you are going to be able to leave school and something else will change. And I mean, I did have moments as a child wondering, why they chose me instead of the other boy in the school, in the classroom.

11:17Why always me? I questioned a lot about myself, but there was a point when I just thought, well, whatever it is, I don't care because as soon as I leave school, I'm never going to see these people again. I'm going to leave. You know, I couldn't run out of those school gates quicker. But that is unique because as kids, right, we're learning, right? I truly think that the reason why when we're kids, everything happens so much slower is because we're experiencing a first kiss or like going on a first holiday or experiencing snow for the first time. You're experiencing this for the first time. And now when we go through joy or suffering or whatever it is, we kind of know it's going to pass.

11:57That's why I love the quote, this too shall pass, because everything does pass. When you're younger in that moment, you don't know it's going to finish. No. You have no idea. First time. First time experiencing it. So how did you have that confidence that you were like, this is only temporary? Was your, is that from your religion that you realized that suffering was only temporary or you just, that's blind confidence? Yeah. Yeah. Blind confidence. And I think, I mean, what should have been the case is that I would have felt that I could have just talked to my mom and dad. I didn't have brothers and sisters.

12:33I should have felt that I could just talk to them. But the religion very clearly dictated that what I had a problem with, I couldn't talk to them about or anybody. So I had to rely only on my own voice, my own words, my own inner therapist. And somehow I came up with that, that it's only temporary. I honestly still I'm amazed that I could compartmentalize the situation that I was in under you know dealing with at that time and know that there was a there was a bigger world outside I also knew about London I mean I knew that you know we used to have a family that lived in Hemel Hempstead and we another Jehovah's Witness family and we'd go and visit them and we'd get on the the train at St.

13:21Albans and then we'd turn turn the underground then you'd go in the tunnels and then you'd come up the staircase at Piccadilly Circus and I'd be like what is this place I remember being like nine and going what is this place and look at all the different like kinds of people and the noise and the lights and all walks of life literally walking like you see more people in ten minutes than I'd seen a year in Abba Balgoid you know and not a sheep inside

13:54and I remember going everybody else is like talking about getting to Madame Tussauds and I'm going look at that person and look at this person I'm thinking I'm gonna live here one day and then you'd go back to Abba Bargoid and then a few years ago by and we'd go down again and then we started to go to see musicals me and my mum we'd come on the bus we get on a bus at like 5 30 from Abba Bargoid and you'd arrive in London at like 11 30 for the matinee performance and me and my mum we just like walk the streets of London. And then I used to come, it's in the book, there's one story, I used to then come with one of the women from the village, I was 14.

14:31And basically, of course, I love the musicals. But my excitement was that I had this hour from when you get off the bus to you had to be at the theatre to watch the show. And I had a plan, I was going to find Soho, and I was just going to sit and watch all the life of what was then the gay centre of London. and that's what I did. So I knew during all this time that there was a bigger world, a bigger life. Whether it could have been mine, I don't know, but I thought, I know there's more than this shitty little school with these nasty little fuckers all around me and this little village. I know.

15:04And I just, that's what kept me going. And sure enough, at 16, I somehow moved to Cardiff and then I met these amazing people that said, if you get into a college, we'll pay for you to go. Yeah. And I got in. So at 17, arriving the day Diana died in London, can you imagine? I arrived in this city that I was already familiar with, but now it wasn't some place I was visiting. It was going to be my home. And that's when, you know, and so these little bits of hope, I mean, my message really is, you know, even in your darkest moments, if you can just hang on to something that's outside of that darkness, something like there's a better idea here somewhere.

15:44just I just need to get through this it's temporary this will pass this too shall pass it's very easy to say that when you're not in a dark place I'm very aware of what I'm saying is like great it's easy for you to say because you're not there but you know that inner voice sometimes is the only voice you can hear and I've had to use my inner voice and and train it to be the one that helps me, not the one that diminishes me and inhibits me and causes me more drama. I'm trying to make that the better voice inside me that helps me carry me through something. You know, you've got to be really savvy and understand opportunities and don't keep thinking, I'll do it.

16:26I'll take the next one. I think you should always grasp things. If you can, you should, even if you fail, even if it doesn't work out, opportunities are valuable. in life. Sometimes they're small opportunities, you know, sometimes they're huge and you don't even know it. Opportunities can literally change the trajectory of your life. I wrote a card to a casting director once in the West End for a play. I'd never done a play, only musicals. And this play was about two Welsh boys. It was at the Donmar Warehouse, which is sort of like the nirvana of theatres and, you know, Nicole Kidman does a show there.

17:05I couldn't get seen. So I personally wrote a letter to the casting director and I thought what have I got to lose and she phoned me back I went in three weeks later I got one of those lead roles and that was the play that changed my whole career a year later I was in my first movie I just did my 46 film 15 years later because I wrote a card opportunities look for them don't take them for granted just take him by the horns and just go with it. That's epic, Luke. I sat with someone recently who said, you can't just think you're good. Because lots of people are good. And lots of people go, it's unfair.

17:46I'm so good at what I do. That's not good enough. You have to put yourself out there. You do. You have to show people your talent. You have to show that you're good. Write letters. Get on doorsteps. Knock on doors. Do anything. Because otherwise, people don't know you're good if they can't see it. No. Exactly right. Yeah. It's the same with, with, you know, when you have a, I have a film coming out, you know, when we have a film, when I have a film coming out, I have to go sell it. I have to press junkets, podcasts, interviews, you know, travel the world to red carpet. You, you put the effort in because it's your product and you want people to see it, but you have to make the effort to make people aware of it.

18:25And I think it's the same with personal things like, you know, if you if you've got something to show then put it out there and and and you know be your own spokesperson the best spokesperson you'll ever have is yourself

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