OLIVIA ATTWOOD: Why I'm Not Afraid To Be Alone Anymore

0:00Coming up on Great Company. The idea of being alone was so much more terrifying than not just being with someone. Just terrified to be with my own thoughts. Was there a moment when you suddenly were like, hang on, I don't like my own company? Fifth, wow. I've never actually really spoke about it in this kind of detail ever. I'm Olivia Atwood and I'm in great company. My house, my rules, just falling into the dick sand. Sit back down. I'm sad. Fucking calm down. When you did Love Island, it's still the most watched series ever. In the world. The last day before I was about to go in the villa, I thought, I've got to swim in the sea the last two weeks.

0:36I'm going to swim in the sea today. I waded into like here. This little pervert jellyfish like attached to my vagina. It just looked like I had aggressive herpy outbreak. When Olivia Atwood is at home, what kind of personality are you? I'm an extroverted introvert. Have you always been like this? I've always been like it, but I didn't know it. I had a very happy childhood, but I was a very anxious child because I used to have panic attacks when I was at school. Liv, I didn't realise this about you. I give myself a really hard time. My anxiety was impacting me so much that I went to see someone who was specialised in adolescent anxiety, depression.

1:14And I was like, just give me a cure for this. And at the end of the hour, she was like, has anyone ever talked to you about... Wow, that would have been a shock. I guess I was a bit blindsided by it. And I kind of, I didn't know kind of how to navigate it. What is your relationship like with yourself now?

1:35Hello, everyone. My name is Jamie Lang, and this is Great Company.

1:42Hey, guys, welcome back to another episode of Great Company. Now, my guest today is Olivia Atwood. Liv, she came onto the podcast a couple of weeks ago, and she kind of was just the perfect guest. Like her energy is amazing. She's honest. She's fun. She's all the things you kind of want someone to be. Now, we chat a lot about self-worth. We chat about past relationships. We chat about how she shares her life online. We chat about reality TV, how being comfortable in your own company is one of the most powerful things we can learn. We chat about so many things in this episode. I also surprised Liv with a message from her best friend, Georgia Harrison, which was so much fun.

2:18Now, before we start, I always like to ask this, if you could please subscribe to our show. Okay. We want to keep the show completely free. It's free at the moment. We want to keep it that way. We also want to keep getting the guests that you love and keep making the show better and better each week for you guys. If you can do that one thing for us, we'd love you forever. Okay, here we go. Enjoy this episode of Great Company with Olivia Atwood.

2:40I'm Olivia Atwood and I'm in Great Company.

2:46This is my first one I've done since having a baby. Wow. Yeah. I feel honoured. Don't worry about it. No pressure. So I'm in that zone. I was saying to guys, I'm a bit like, do you like purple? I don't really know. Well, you feel like it's your first day at school. I'm like hot and I'm like overheating. I'm just like, I'm just not quite like in the zone. Okay. So can you lead it? For God's sake, I was hoping to turn my brain off today. It's quite nice being, how do you find Big a Guest? Much easier. Yeah. You kind of just, you're just along for the ride, aren't you? Well, interesting is that, actually, I tell you what I do find.

3:21So, I used to actually find being a guest much easier. Now I find it hard because when I'm a guest, I just, I talk too much. But also, you know, from interviewing people, the worst, the guest that doesn't talk or doesn't expand or just gives you one word. It's really like, who made you work for it? I've done interviews and I feel like I need to lie down afterwards. I'm like, you made me work for every... Who's your worst? Go on, give it a shit. I have to say, this is like, to be fair, this is not so much podcast people in like this industry. It's more than your docs. Because obviously like people, it's fair to them.

3:50they're on camera for the first time it's all these cameras and they kind of shut down and that's the art of it isn't it getting people comfortable getting them to open up but sometimes it's hard yeah but that's the superpower that you have right you do you 100 % have it I think that's sort of an ADHD thing right which is yeah where you basically when someone comes into a room especially with interviewing you want to make them feel as comfortable as possible so you sort of you create an atmosphere where you make someone else feel comfortable because you're almost feeling which I do you're feeling a bit like hectic yourself that you try and calm the situation down weirdly i don't know and do you have do you have this like a hyper feeling and sometimes i think you know i spoke to a life coach about it once he's like sometimes you're too worthy or not creating your own narrative for other people but i feel like i can feel hyper aware if someone's uncomfortable yeah if i feel like someone feels left out i can feel it like they might be interacting but i can feel that that person feels awkward so i turn your body to open up yeah and i and so that that i think is something ADHD people were quite tuned into um wait hang on a second so your life coach told you so you said this to your life coach yeah I was talking we were talking about different things I say sometimes I get which I think would surprise people I could have these overwhelming feelings of like empathy for someone I don't know to say I was on a shoot and a runner came on and maybe he was young and he was timid and I start to write a story for him that he's hating work and he's miserable at home and his dog's not well.

5:17And he's like, but you've just written, he might be really happy. He might look a bit sad, but why are you writing, why are you taking on emotional baggage for people you don't know? Which I think would surprise people by how I present myself. But yeah, so sometimes I think it can be an in-tune thing, but sometimes I add details, I think they're not maybe true for that person at all. Dude, I have that. I write their story for them. But do you think this is an, what did the life coach say? So this is an empath thing. Yeah, it's like a, Do you know where it came from, actually? It was, again, I think would surprise people.

5:47It's like, we're talking about advocating for myself. Yeah. So I'll set a boundary for myself. And then I feel guilty for setting a boundary for myself so quickly. And then I start to think all these things about how I've made that person feel because I've set a boundary for myself. So then I try to unpack the boundary. Wait, hang on a second. Explain this to me. I don't quite understand. So what do you mean? So I'm not great at setting boundaries for myself in terms of people's access to me or saying no to things. So that's because I'm taking on emotional baggage for someone else that might not even exist.

6:22Like he's like, you're over exaggerating your mind how the impact this is having on someone else. He told me the thing to remember is that we have a responsibility towards other people, not for them. That's like the balance that I try to find. So me saying I don't want to do something or I don't want to talk about something doesn't mean even if that person's disappointed, it's not my job to fix that disappointment, which I have quite a hard time with. That's quite, but that's really also nice. Yeah. That's a complete empath. Yeah, I think, but then I think you can, I think non-empaths live a lot longer.

6:55I never want to like, I never want to disappoint anyone. So I think I over, I overcompensate sometimes. So then maybe to my own detriment. So whichever role I think I'm showing up in. So like, you know, I, I, I sometimes feel I'm the fun one or I'm the bitchy one from Love Island or on this one. I feel like I want to make sure that what people are expecting they get, but it's, it's about trying to look after myself as well in that process. I got it. It makes sense. I think caring about how you show up and wanting to please people is a good thing. Yeah. And I think that, you know, if you want to be a successful person, you have to care about delivering something, right?

7:32If you don't care, then what's the point? but I think it's about, you know, like boundaries of that. Do you know what? So many people listening to that would like not think that. I know. Because you're outspoken. You are strong, completely strong. It feels like you don't care what other people think that much. Yeah. But actually underneath it, you're saying, no, you're actually, you're sensitive. You care a huge amount about people. You probably do get affected by what other people say. Yeah. Where it betrays a harder stereo than it actually is. For sure. I feel that if you could design someone to be in this industry, if I could replicate my personality, I think that I am perfect to be in this industry because I don't care about a mass consensus.

8:16I don't care about online chatter. On a visceral level, I don't care about it. Do you not? No, I really don't. But I care deeply about people close to me, people that employ me, my family. I feel that if I did a job and I felt like someone was disappointed with my performance it hurts me badly I don't know if that's an ego thing or I don't want to disappoint someone that's given me a chance but I can tune out sort of commentary it doesn't affect you I think if you're going to be in this industry you have to actually accept that that stuff's actually not any of your business that is really good Genuinely.

8:58But that's genuinely really good just in life, right? That's 100 % how people should be. It doesn't matter what line of work you're really in. Focusing on what really matters, which is family, friends, people close to you doing a good job, everything. The chatter on the outside, that stuff needs to be ignored. But that's the hardest thing for most people to ignore. And especially now with social media, it's like impossible. I'm starting to drift into a space, which I never was, where I don't care about what other people think per se that much. but I'm sort of like thinking more about the outside perception the noise is getting yeah I don't know why and I thought it would get less and less but actually weirdly over the past year it's got a little bit more which I'm noticing now I'm like well stop that from happening but do you think it's a little bit like water on a ship if you let a little bit of water in like and then suddenly it starts coming a little bit more and before you know it it's like going down at the Titanic you have to be I think you have to be very aware of not letting it creep in because I think once you let a little bit creep in I've found myself going down a hole of scrolling or seeing my name in a thread and then I kind of have to like remove myself and go wait like is this actually like any of my business like if it's just like you know just chatter and it's not they're not you know accusing me of something terrible which I need to I'm not guilty of I need to sort out it's just like chatter and it's like people you know pop culturally musing about me actually that's that's not really anything to do with me because I consume pop culture and I like to read about celebrities and I know because I'm on the other side of it that what I'm reading might not be true but I still enjoy it because it's gossip yeah we love it and we go just for the group chat have you seen what Kylie Jenner's doing like we all consume it so that's I have to remember that when it's about me it's the same stuff it's fluff isn't it

10:49your podcast is so good man thank you it's called olivia's house and everyone should go and listen to it it's very it's excellent and you kind of been open about your relationship and how it'd been hard and i love that you were honest about that because relationships aren't easy oh do you know what it's like it's kind of conscious but also you know one thing about me it's like I kind of I can't really bullshit people I kind of am just I am very unfiltered I am I'm very happy to you know share but you know a lot same as me because it's like it's like who cares I don't like I don't really care what yeah and I kind of think we are the new like there's a newer generation of people existing in our industry who are sharing things that previous generations have like you know like a publicist would be like you don't share that and just pretend everything's fine and I just kind of thought like yeah I could could easily go down that route but also I just know that a lot of people will relate to like the kind of year that Brad and I had you know when you're like this like you know young married people that have their careers and you know and they're both high pressure and you're doing your thing so easy to become disconnected correct but I think it's like some big dirty secret that no one wants to kind of really talk about but actually when I talked about it the amount of people that came and messaged me oh my god like I felt like it was just me and I felt like you know it was just me and my partner it's like it happens you know and it's no joke like relationships are their work like you know and I don't mean that I think they should be laborious and they should drain you but you do have to actively put into them 100 % I live I think it's so great man because I'm very honest about relationships stuff that and you know relationships for me right yeah you fall in love you love each other and then maybe you have like it's like it's never plain sailing all the stuff that goes on with every relationship but you have to remind yourself to keep falling in love with each other high five to those amazing people out there who are constantly always in love and everything's blissful and everything's amazing and whoever you are out there i applaud you right are they out there i don't know i don't know if they are i don't know man they some people like to betray that is the case but you know as well as i do the ones that go the hardest with the like we are so happy they're not it's always the most like the artist I don't want to name it but it's always the most fucked up couple you know who do like the big it's the true thing isn't it the big Instagram paragraphs for Valentine's Day and you're like it always is I think I've done that before though no you but you two don't go like you don't go yeah go and give it to me do you know what I mean you don't go overboard it's like you're quite like you're quite soppy in your older age Jamie I'm soppy but Sophie's not soppy Sophie's literally like Sophie gives a kiss yeah Sophie's like Sophie like for my birthday she's like oh fuck she's a bit like a with love yeah yeah so one of you has to be like but do you know what's amazing right is my relationship with Sophie is this is that I think because because I'm a child of divorce one of all those different things I think I had a vision of a relationship that it has to be roses otherwise it's going movies outside and candles and outside you know what I mean you're thinking like a backyard cinema thing I see people doing it right or like have dinners and we have to like wake up in the morning and music has to play and Sylvia has to go and we have to start dancing and then we start making out like I don't know like that shit none of that happens and because you have a blueprint of that's what you think existence is when that's not happening you feel like is our relationship right but actually the best kind of relationship is the ones which are kind of quiet and normal and just not boring at all but you're just you're living with each other in kind of just calm yeah and just like like you're just like in a synchronized calm that doesn't also with adhd we talked a lot about adhd if people don't have adhd watching this but shut the fuck up it's like your whole person that's why i try not to talk about adhd anxiety because i'm like everyone's having that as their thing i need a new thing i need a new ism because i'm like i don't want to be like everyone else but anyway we crave dopamine and you get it from like new relationships you also get it from arguments you get it from like really like extremes so sometimes i find myself yeah like in the quiet i bet like oh like should we be like yeah should like you crave passion and you can have passion but like you say it's not sustainable so okay so people say that you everyone has different personalities when they're in different situations so when olivia atwood is at home yeah what kind of personality are you when you're by yourself sitting with your dogs just at home what do you like so I'm completely um I like to be alone I'd say I'm yeah I'm like uh introverted is the wrong word but I'm a extroverted introvert so I like to be around people and I'm I'm slightly um what's the word when you performative yeah you're performative yeah and I I'm social but it drains me very quickly does it and then to refill I like to be alone I like to be silent and I feel like I give a lot of my energy and my light to this job and then when I'm alone that's how I refill so I can't refill my cup with people so for me if I'm flying a long distance flight to LA right and then someone from my you're going to know now someone from my production company goes oh my god I managed to get on your flight and I'm going to sit by you I'd be like fuck off fuck off no no I was going to have 12 hours alone God and they think they've like done a really nice thing so you're not alone you don't have to fly alone to LA and I'm like I've been looking forward to flying alone to LA all month please so that's the example whereas most people would hate the idea of a long time like long distance flight alone and when I go away with my team and we shoot TV shows they know me now of like they will have team dinner every night and I'll know some nights I will some nights I'll get to the end of filming and I'll go No, I need to be room service alone.

16:47Because you just need to recharge. I know I need to recharge. But have you always been like this? I think that I've always been like it if I didn't know it. And I think since I've known it, I've become a lot more in control of my own life, like my own happiness. I think that I spent a lot of years actually being afraid to be alone. So I used to try to not be alone at any cost. I'm not sure where it came from. It's something I still can't really figure out. But I didn't want to ever be alone. like I mean like alone in the house like I'd have a friend sleepover or like always had a boyfriend yeah very deep fear of yeah my own company which actually was something that took me quite a few years to work through because your mind was loud mine was loud I was like kind of like a like a scared human I guess like in life I was like you know like chronically anxious like in my 20s my late teens i don't know if it was like i don't know what i actually don't know where it fully i still don't know where it fully came from but i was just terrified to be with my own thoughts or my own company and actually i think that one of the most powerful things that you can harness in this life is to be comfortable with yourself because that's the only person that's like was there at the beginning you'll be there at the end and i think being able to travel alone eat a restaurant alone do things alone that comfortably though not like in a state of panic is just oh my god it's a freedom that like that's one of the most valuable things that I put effort into working on and now I love it I almost love it too much was there a moment when you suddenly were like well hang on I don't like my own company when you were younger or was it like a gradual thing I think I was so like I think I spent so many years like locking myself in kind of really unhappy relationships in my late teens 20s that I the idea of being alone was so much more terrifying than not just being with someone so I overlapped relationships constantly they're kind of kind of rolled from one to the other because I always wanted to make sure that I was never what I felt like was alone but actually when you're in an unhappy relationship you are very you're more actually it's the loneliest place to be when you're with someone that you know you don't you don't like each other on like a friendship level like it's like that is so lonely yeah but i think that yeah i think that i kidded myself by thinking that that i was cheating the system and actually once i became comfortable with my own company then relationships get better automatically because you know the alternative is not that terrifying it's funny i think a lot will relate to that you know I look back at my younger I did this weird thing I like at the end of every year right I like I like to for like once my life like sit in silence and it lasts for about five minutes and then like okay but I sit in silence like kind of like right what happened last year and like what I want to do next year and I just sort of refresh myself right and I've been doing that thing where you sort of look back at your younger self a little bit like understanding what like what I was doing when I was younger how I changed things mine wasn't a fear of being alone it was the fear that I probably wasn't enough so I had to be in a relationship in order to make myself feel fulfilled in some sort of way and that like me I was rolling from relationship to relationship and just not being happy and being unhappy in yourself in an unhappy relationship is kind of the worst combination it's really really tough and also when you're feeling low about yourself you know yeah you don't attract the right kind of person and that you like the foundation for any relationship, whether it's friendships, family, they all get off to a bad start because you are not in a good place personally.

20:40So what's the foundation for? Did you understand you were in a toxic relationship though? I mean, I've had the full spectrum really. Get out of here. Yeah, like I really like the real who's who of human garbage. But also I'll say this as well, kind of like garbage myself as well a little bit. You know, I wasn't innocent in this. I wasn't turning up like, you know, Cinderella. like I was kind of a little bit trashy as well so it was like I was obviously attracting so I was the trash bag and there was many rats and they all wanted a bit of action and you were like come on get on in come on like I was like who's next I was like I don't want to be alone let's do this let me have a bag let's go get in here but just wait like what what like I mean, I had a real mixture of, yeah, I mean, I definitely dated some narcissists, didn't know it.

21:31Like, I think a lot of people, especially when you're younger, we understand so much more about psychology and human behavior now. Totally, yeah. Oh my God. You know, like, thinking about how we grew up. I mean, I don't need to tell this story in depth, but the whole ADHD being a female thing. My parents had me in front of child psychologists when I was like 12, and I'd eaten like my fourth pencil that week. and they're going, yeah, but she's a girl and she's very, you know, she's very clean and she, you know, her room is very, she can't be ADHD. My mum's like, are you sure? Because I literally caught her halfway up scaffolding like the other day in our house being renovated.

22:06I was like a spider monkey, just like hanging. Do you know what I mean? So our understanding has evolved so quickly. So as if we were going to spot narcissism in our twenties, of course it is. So I had definitely some narcissistic boyfriends i dated men i think don't like women and i don't mean that in a sexual sense as in like do you actually like women do you like what they bring to society do you enjoy their company you might be sexually attracted to them but do you like them that has a big effect is dating someone who doesn't like women and explain that to me because from from a guy point of view what does it feel like if you're if you're in a relationship as a woman with someone you know this a man doesn't really like women how are they i see it like it's like misogyny it's like whether it's internalized or it's vocalized it's like a very very reactive towards women versus men so i think you're like so they got cut up by a woman in a car be like that fucking idiot women they just it just unleashes where it was like if a guy cut them up it might be different yeah and you start to realize it's like some men don't have good relationships like good feelings and we know this like a society look at the yeah i don't want to use the andrew tate name but it's like you know look at their they are harvest off people that don't for whatever reason whether it's mother wounds or whatever they don't like women so i think if you end up dating someone like that it can be very conflicting because yeah you they they love you they like you but they don't actually like your species no no it's a very real thing it's a real thing and it's a really interesting topic right because there's like a lot there's a lot of like chatter as well especially around i would say like um male podcasts yeah i struggle to like get into the weeds of it understand it right in terms of like is it because certain individuals hate women or is it because they feel that like men have been recently suppressed i'm just trying to get no i'm with you and you i know i know from watching your podcast being around you i know that you are someone that likes women like my husband likes women so when i talk to him about this as well he kind of draws a blank because he's almost like what do you mean i'm like you don't get it because you don't have those feelings towards women.

24:11Like you can look at a video of like an Andrew Tate and go, how ridiculous, scroll. Do you know what I mean? You're not, you're not like, I think. So I need you to zoom in for me. So you can explain. So that's what I find tricky. I don't want to talk about, you know, talk on topics I'm unqualified for. This is just my. Yeah, but it's your take. I'm not saying you're qualified. Yeah, it's like my, I think that, I think when people feel ostracized or they feel shortchanged, they look to blame. I also think that's happening also. I'm sticking my neck out. I think it's happening on the other side a little bit too.

24:40I think there can be women that inherently might not like men because of their experiences with men, of course, have tainted their feelings towards men. I think if you feel ostracized in society and you feel rejected, your automatic knee-jerk is to blame someone helps complete the circle, doesn't it? So then people get sucked into extreme sides because they can take sanctity and being part of a groupthink bias that makes them feel part of something. I completely, I think society is in a bad place, potentially. And I'm also not, I'm a big believer in like optimism, right? So I'm like, I think that life is actually pretty great.

25:21Agreed. But what happens is, is that press, social media, news pushes, yeah, and it pushes the negative narrative because that's what sells more, right? So we see it more. I think that people just feel lonelier than ever. So I think that media, and I think, you know, podcasting and places where basically community is well it's fake community isn't it because it's like it doesn't exist in reality it's like people are drawn to extreme thoughts because it makes them feel part of something and that's i think people are craving it is so dangerous people are craving community and to feel like they belong in something and so i think that's what you know why problematic speakers podcasters they're thriving because people are so lonely like we're still living like so I think so you know like work working from home culture and there's so many people spend so many hours online online at home alone like when I see in my comments and someone writes like god what an awful dress and then like 10 more people joining underneath I think you know what you needed that and actually you've all got each other now and I'm not going to delete I'm not going to censor you because you all needed to be part of something today.

26:32And you are. You are together hating on my dress. And actually, that's my bit for society. And I'm going to let you thrive. I'm going to let you go. I'm not going to block you because you need this. And I get that. I do things that I need that aren't right. I like a junk and cig. I needed that. You get to troll me as a community. Please don't say that I don't do anything for society.

27:02What is your relationship like with yourself now, would you say? Truthfully. Good. Okay. It's good. But I could give myself a break. Give me out of 10. Out of 10, what do you think it is? I'd say like a seven. Okay. Yeah. I think that I'm in the best place I ever have been in my entire life. Like from birth. Genuinely. I had a very happy childhood, but I was a very anxious child. It's that typical thing for no apparent reason. Like I had a happy home life, I was very privileged, had everything a child couldn't even want, but I was a very worried, anxious child. So I genuinely would say this is the happiest place I've been in my entire life.

27:48but I give myself, I know everyone says this, but I give myself a really hard time. I'd say like, I kind of like, I can be a bit of a martyr. Like I get a kick out of almost. Give me yourself a hard time. Yeah. Like I'll look at a schedule or like a day and it's like completely inhumane and I'll be like, no, I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't do that. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. And then I'm like, I'm going to go. I'm not going to, I'm going to get a massive kick out of being able to do what like 10 people told me. you can't do that all one day and then I'll I'll drag myself to my hotel room like 10 p.m like weeping having not eaten I'm like I did it in the mirror everybody wants this life so things like that I know I need to work on a little bit because I don't want to burn out I don't like ruin everything I've worked for by like just being so being so hard on yourself But that anxiety thing I just want to dive into because that's when you're in the thick of anxiety, like someone listening right now who's in the thick of an anxious state, right?

28:54It's kind of quite scary because you are so kind of it's so covering you in so many ways. So consuming. So consuming that you can't really see a way out. And because you can't see a way out, you then fear for your future. You probably think you're never going to get a job. You probably think you're never going to hold down a relationship. You think that how are your friends going to stay with you, right? You think all these kind of like catastrophic things. And you're sort of a prime example of someone who has obviously dealt with a huge amount of anxiety. And also kind of come around to understanding and accepting it and coming out some sort of the other side.

29:27And I suppose my question to you is, how did you get to a place yourself where you were more accepting of yourself and understanding that, okay, anxiety is just anxiety and it's kind of okay to deal with? Do you know what, for me, because I've done therapy and I've done like, yeah, I've done therapy, I've done life coach stuff. Everyone's different. Some people like to sit and talk about feelings and unpack like childhood memories. And I did a bit of that and I just didn't feel like it was helping me. If anything, I felt like it was making me feel more anxious. Because it wasn't childhood. I was kind of like I was opening more Pandora's boxes and it wasn't helping me on the day to day with the anxiety I was facing.

30:04And actually what I found is me personally and cognitive therapy is quite good like this is like practical, actual useful methods of like one I love. Like, so if I'm talking, so my life coach is also, he's a psychiatrist as well. If he talks like science to me, like if he's like, okay, so when you do this, your brain is like releasing this chemical. Because I love to kind of imagine the actual mechanics behind it. And that's a lot more how I learned to understand myself. So once I started to understand things, like, it sounds so obvious, but it's like, you know, overdoing caffeine intake, drinking multiple nights a week, not exercising, not eating the right diet, all the things that were like, I'm actively working against myself.

30:45But they seem so obvious. But once I started to have like actual usable methods of like breathing properly, like once like, you know, because I used to have panic attacks when I was at school. I didn't realize this about you. No, I've never actually really spoke about it in this kind of detail ever. And you were having them at school? Yeah. That's so young. So young. And they came out of the, well, again, nothing's out of the blue, but to us, out of the blue. And they were kind of in a classroom. Gosh, I must have been the first one, like 12 or 13, in a classroom. Like, what a complete disassociation.

31:25like I was sitting there and one minute I kind of felt like I didn't really know where I was like hands just literally dripping in sweat kind of shallow breathing and you know what they literally I went to school nurse and for a couple of weeks they were investigating all kinds of things that it could be because again at that time when we were at school it wasn't like okay this is textbook panic attack it was like is she having an allergy to something is she hyperglycemic they were looking at all the different possibilities of what it could have been because it was so physical and And then because I didn't like feeling out of being having a panic attack, you're kind of losing control.

31:56And then I was panicking that I was losing control. So I'm panicking more than I'm crying. And the school nurse going, what's the matter, Olivia? I couldn't verbalize what was the matter because I didn't know how to explain what I was feeling. And to be honest, getting the ADHD diagnosis is, yeah. And do you know what it was? I got that officially when I was around 21 years old. and I'd my anxiety was impacting me so much that I went to see someone who was specialized in adolescent anxiety depression I was with her for about an hour and I was like thinking just give me a cure for this and at the end of the hour she was like has anyone ever talked to you about ADHD and I just had this memory of like as a kid it being discussed like you know because I used to do impulsive things at school and it kind of but no one had ever said yes she has it but it's locked into your brain i was like do you know what that's so weird you said that but i would check with my mom but i'm sure this was flow she said you to me i just textbook adhd so it's like a chicken and egg thing she's like your you are your brain is running like 10 million computer tabs at once you're you're overstimulating yourself with you know caffeine you're not sleeping properly you're doing everything to make it worse and then what's happening is your body is the anxiety is coming as like a warning sign that you're in overdrive and so once i understood that i could work back to help myself so that's how i kind of got control a bit do you know it's so interesting i know exactly what you mean though because when your brain is wearing on all these cylinders right you don't really understand what's going on you basically just try and find certain ways to try and suppress it maybe that's maybe it's alcohol maybe it's coffee maybe it's something like that anything to try and suppress those feelings also when you have adhd and when i try to send this like to people that don't have it you'll probably get it they have very different effects on us yeah so actually coffee sometimes can like level like calm me down because yeah because like you know because it's stimulant so certain things that you they're like alcohol it makes me loopy hyper so i can't understand when people go i you know i got drunk and then i was crying i've never been anything but elated when i'm drunk like i am the no reason like everyone wants to go out with me because i am the best fucking time like from one glass of wine i'm literally like you know what's the motive i'm literally i'm so happy and i'm so silly and it and it's it's a stimulant it's the thing even people go oh i have a glass of red wine to go to bed i have a glass of red wine i'm trying to redecorate the house at like 1 a.m that's insane to me oh i just stayed on a saturday night and drank a bottle of wine i'm trying to come out the window and go to a club like brad's gonna have to put bolts on soon like i am just what like i could not imagine if i drink on a flight i'm trying to get in the cockpit i swear to god like i don't drink on flights anymore ever because i can't i am a menace that plane is getting hard landed in like Minneapolis well I'm like where are you going I love that that's what you went for I don't know somewhere around you're thinking somewhere in Europe and then you went straight to Minneapolis I'm trying to go to middle America we're on our way to like the west coast they're like we gotta get this bitch off she's sucked back a whole bottle of Pinot Gris I know what you mean it lights up my brain like a Christmas tree yeah but that's bad because then that leads to also addiction and that's why people with ADHD it's more susceptible to restriction because everything feels different.

35:29It feels, you know, so yeah. So I think when I was learning about this and then what to have, when, you know, how to understand myself. But then you have to, then that means what you have to do is you have to be quite strict with yourself or in some sort of way, right? Like, okay, caffeine, alcohol, whatever that is. But then it's kind of productive because someone with ADHD is not really good at doing that because we're quite kind of blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Do you know what I've always been is like a very disciplined person. Right. Okay. But what I was doing was, I didn't know how to direct my discipline.

36:01Because, you know, I'm kind of, this is why I guess I was hard to diagnose. I am a little bit of a contradiction. A contradiction, okay, yeah. Because, and this is why I guess I have ADD, but I'm super tidy. I'm super organized. I'm very disciplined. But that's control. It's control. That's control. It doesn't show up in everyone. But in females, it does more. And I'm the oldest. I'm the first daughter I'm the first granddaughter I came out as like manager like I looked at my parents I was like you've not done this before let me run this you sit down I've got this show me the family accounts I've got all the pictures I've been trying to manage everything and everyone since the day I was born so I just had to learn how to direct that discipline and actually like focus in on the right things are your parents together?

36:51yeah they are yeah I never know who I feel more sorry for it's different sometimes I'm like dad have you done this and other days I'm like mum because they're 35 years married that's amazing I know that's an amazing super rare isn't it yeah very rare and also the more I look into things and it's like I'm definitely not a therapist anyway but the more I look in things I truly believe if a daughter typically a daughter sees love from parents then you know how to be loved therefore you have a huge amount of respect for yourself and won't let other people walk all over you so true but interestingly some there's a little like crack that can happen that kind of slips through and this is what i i've now looked back on my 20s and like how the fuck did that happen because my dad i've never heard him raise his voice at me my sister my mom i think i can count on one hand's time he's sworn like and we will test that man to the limits of any human being you know like he's unbelievable when I think back now because now I very much think of like why would I settle for anything less I've never heard my dad talk negatively about my mum ever and my mum can like be she can be in the wrong and like me and my sister come to my dad and be like this bitch is crazy and he's like you will not you even if I know I know you agree with us I know but he would he would never never falter on his loyalty to my mum so I thought how has this been my example of a man and yet i've let so many rat bags like slip in the back door and i think well that well yeah sorry

38:34anyway i think almost when you haven't i didn't almost know that men could be bad bad because you'd only seen a dad didn't know there could be so i almost was a perfect wow that would have been a shock yeah i was presented with awful behavior and i was a bit like i guess i was a bit blindsided by it and i i kind of i didn't know kind of how to navigate it which is like you said when you have a really good example that and now as an adult woman it is very much i look at my dad and think i that i won't settle for anything less well but as a young teen and also I was rebelling against them and I wanted everything that felt dangerous and edgy and yeah I think I didn't know how to spot it.

39:23Getting filthy rich. Are you? Yeah you are look at this office come on. Matt like you must be like you must be so proud of yourself because you've nailed it man you've killed it like you must you do you must think yeah yeah this is thank you that's very kind and you've got the full series of Getting for the Rich which is amazing do you know what I'm like I find you know it's just like so un-English and un-female to like give yourself flowers I just don't like it but of course I'm proud of course I am proud and I'm I look at the commissions that we've had the last two or three years and I'm like it blows my mind and I guess that's why you know I give myself you know I don't give myself a break because I'm like, how is this my fucking life?

40:06Like, how have I wangled this? I'm so protective of it. I'm so obsessed by it. But obviously it's not just me. It's a fucking fantastic team of producers, production team, edit team, who make me look like I know what I'm doing. What's the new series all about? We're back in on new subjects. Like, we've got six new subjects. We're doing a celebrity special. So I look at the celebrities that have started OnlyFans. I've got Katie Price, Kerry Katona, and Lauren Goodyear. I've got all the people that we've seen, all the little clip bits about them doing OnlyFans and what they do on them. But no one really knows.

40:41And they're telling me really like the truth, showing what they earn, what they post, why they do it. So that's fascinating. And it's quite different to any of the other episodes we've done. We went to Vegas. We did a Vegas deep dive on the whole sex economy, which was, I have to say, it's one of my favorite episodes. It's so good because it's Vegas. It's like strip clubs, like escorting. It's everything that behind the curtain, you know, like a real look at it. What is your take on OnlyFans? I think that society wants women sexualized. But when they elect and do it themselves, we don't like it.

41:19We like doing it to women. We don't like women doing it for themselves. And we don't like women having control in that area. however I think the age limit should be increased I think it should be like 25 what is it currently do you think? 18 I think that it has its place and I think it's been amazing for sex workers I think it's been amazing for porn stars yeah I think it's given people it's given them control over their own career and their own limits however I do think it's being glamorised for young women as a great alternative to a quote unquote normal job And I think that is a little bit scary.

42:00I agree with everything you said. And I think the scary maybe thing about it is that we live in a world where success is money and driving Lamborghinis. And how do we get to that quickly? And the quickest route to that is probably going out and selling a product is much harder than just selling yourself, right? And if you can sell yourself in certain ways, especially if you are amazingly attractive or whatever it is, I don't know where I'm at with it. I know. I've got it when I film this show it's like the whole like ethos of the show is coming from a point of like no judgment and no bias and like and I want to give these women a chance to you know to celebrate them and what they you know some of the things people have achieved on these platforms is quite literally mind-blowing but also it's we it's a very fine line of not like endorsing it and like glamorizing it because I think that there are of course downsides I also think we need to look more at like why it's so successful is because that men predominantly are consuming it on such a massive scale it's crazy i was talking about that i think porn is a really negative thing for young men i think the endorphins that are sitting them i think the fact that they are you know it's so addictive it's also like my first like you know i used to me and my friends like, you know, on a desktop computer and, you know, like terrified for our life.

43:25We like sex educated ourselves through porn as well. Because also I grew up like looking at porn in that way of like thinking that sex was just something for men. So I for years thought that I didn't clock to me till I was about like in my early 20s. I was like, wait, is this for both of us? The fuck you been keeping this the whole time? I'm meant to enjoy this? No. I think also the other thing that you that you talk about is plastic surgery, which is love it but you're amazing because you also i love the fact that you're you're kind of open with it right you you talk about this and you as a sort of documentary maker yeah you're you're seeing all these things happen but also talking from like an own personal point of view which is kind of great right you're saying you know this is what i have done or would do or whatever it is i'm really proud of that series as well because i feel like that there were there are there's a lot of cosmetic surgery series out there but a lot of them come from quite like a you know it's botched or it's like one end of the scale but like i wanted something to give like a real cross section of the market as it stands like good bad ugly dangerous like real broad spectrum which is not easy to do like in 50 minutes but it's like there's so much out there and in the uk especially it's like the wild west like the regulations are slowly coming in now in areas but it's been very unregulated for a long time and there's a lot of danger there there's there's not enough information i felt like you know i had a really positive reaction to price perfection the first two series and people you know going to have either they do more research or they cancelled a surgery or they cancelled an injectable appointment because they watched the show and it just i think some things that don't occur to people and as you kind of like show it to them like this is what could go wrong you need to go into these things like really switched on do you think there's a potentially a an issue where we're striving towards perfection so the whole sort of the the price of perfection name is like that tongue-in-cheek like thread that goes through the whole series that yeah ultimately a lot of people are pursuing perfection which one doesn't exist so you're kind of trying to reach something constantly doesn't isn't you can't get it because there's no such thing and it's in the eye of the beholder isn't it so everyone's idea of perfect is different so it's not like a metric that is like level it just moves depending on who you are so also it's like what you're striving for doesn't exist because you might this group of people here might go oh my god you're perfect now you know your your boobs your bum everything but this group people here are going to go no it's not and also it's only women that predominantly are controlled by this metric of perfection and trying to trying to obtain it and it's a it is the is it's a very easy way to control and guilt women predominantly and you you have to free yourself from the trappings of it as best you can which is super hard in this you know image-based society i'm growing up millennial i have my own standards of make believe i hold myself to but you have to try and free yourself as much as you can has your has your kind of opinion on plastic surgery changed since you're doing the show no i think i think i think it's reinforced things that i knew there's a gap in a surgery and injectables is like a it's quite a misogynistic thing right that we we kind of we applaud perfection if it's undetectable that work's been done but we scoff and we kind of turn our nose up at people who have detectable signs of intervention and often that is a an economic gap if if you think about the kind of work and kind of money you have and what would kind of define the results you have, not always, but often.

47:05And then society treats people differently depending on how they show up aesthetically. But quite often, the same amount of work might have been done. You just can't tell. So I think it's another way of belittling people. When you did Love Island, you first on TV, right? Even though you were modelling before, did that, when I remember when I first started doing TV, it's suddenly I saw every angle that I looked like and it made me feel suddenly insecure about myself it was like I'd eaten the apple and suddenly become aware of like what I look like do you know what I for me I had I had a really good start into Love Island right in terms of that because I came from a modeling commercial modeling bikini pageant background like when I did bikini like commercial modeling like you'd stand up with like 10 girls in a bikini look at the front to the side and they'd be right and they go no like her torso is too long so I was my my skin was so thick so you were fine it's fine I look at myself now in love and I think fucking hell put a brush for your hair like you look like you stink I was just so ungroomed I just looked scruffy we all did bag hanging out the mouth like you know like I just we were all so messy and dirty so great though yeah so it's still the most watched series ever in the world in the world it was 3 million on the night plus another 3 million overnights or something crazy but yeah in terms of that I was very if you've come from working in an office and then you're in a bikini on television and people are talking about your figure oh my god I can't even imagine what a horrendous hard launch that is into scrutiny but I think I was born in scrutiny so you were okay because we we chatted to georgia harrison right i loved you oh man she's the best she said you had to wear shorts in the love island because you were stung by jellyfish me oh yeah yeah yeah yeah going in on my crotch so wait what happened so we're in lockdown for oh god i was in lockdown for like two weeks that poor girl i don't know if she even works in telly anymore because you have a chaperone this is like a chaperone but she's okay fine so she's a chaperone so she's like a junior like producer or maybe she's a researcher but you some poor unwitting soul got paired with me so she's in a villa with me for two weeks and you just all you have to do is just kind of you know go to the beach hang out and then like they call you you know you do photo shoots and you do like pre-psych and all the pre-amp before you that you go into the show but it's a long almost a long old stint and it's like you know even they take the telly away because in case you see.

49:50It's just, yeah, it's tough. And I don't know. I am a sea baby. So I don't know why I hadn't been in the sea before. But the last day before I was about to go in the villa, I thought, I've not swam in the sea the last two weeks. I'm going to swim in the sea today. Anyway, as I'm going into the water, it's really, I think, do you know what it was? I think it's because there was not many people in the sea. We know why in a minute. So I'm like, do you know what? I'm going to go for it. Going for a swim. Lifeguards shouting at me. I'm thinking, babe, take a number. I'm going to Love Island tomorrow.

50:18He's talking in Spanish. I'm just ignoring him. What he's trying to say to me is don't go in the water. The jellyfish are like mating. When I say, I waded into like here and anywhere I could see there was a jellyfish. One, I'm not joking. This little pervert jellyfish like attacked my vagina. So it like stung me literally on my noony bone. but its tentacles lashed down the inside of my leg. So can you imagine from my bikini line, there's these long red strips of its tentacle where it's, I'm screaming blue murder. Sea word's coming out. I'm on the beach. The lifeguards pee on you. He's like, I'm going to help you, lady.

51:07He points to a sign. I fuck you not. It's about as big as that in Spanish. And it has a little jellyfish with a cross. It's like, don't swim. anyway run up to the pharmacy get a lotion but anyway overnight it raised so when everyone walks in bikini i mike spencer who's one of the execs of love and he came to my little like isolation thing i had the bikini on it just looked like i had aggressive herpy outbreak and he was like we've got to do something about this and i was like what do i do and he was like short denim shorts like let's just cover the the herpy looking thing you know and yeah so denim shorts it fucking hurt Oh my God, I saw Jesus.

51:47Like it really, it hurts. Oh my God.

51:56Liv, you're the best man. Honestly, I want everyone to go and listen to your podcast. It's so good. Honestly, it's so good. And you get great guests and you just chat like you have done, just being honest. And it's brilliant. We like to end the episode with eight questions. You ready? Ready. What's the saying or phrase that makes you smile or cheers you up? Don't bring your shit to a piss fight. that's very good best compliment anyone's ever given you my resilience what scares you most about yourself that i won't stop to like everything will just go past so quickly i won't stop to enjoy what i've wished for is happening right now and i'm not taking it in you won't stop to smell the flowers don't stop smell flowers yeah i'll cut the flowers up package them and sell them for my name

52:42when was the last time you cried oh shit um i saw you cry when you moved house yes that would be the last time yeah because i really don't cry i find that i find say goodbye to that home really hard what's something you can't let go of i don't know people that buy animals from puppy farms great answer can't let i'll die on that hill can't shut about it what's your guilty pleasure I love the club don't I I love the club Clubbing's coming back in 2026 guys just told you you had it here first I'll see you there what turns you off? not being like seen ah great one what turns you on? just being broken down

53:28begging

53:33laughing Laughing, like having fun. What do you like most about yourself? My work ethic. Yeah. And I think I'm, it's been to my own default. I think I'm generous, materialistically and emotionally, which I need to, to my own default sometimes. You do own default? Yeah, 100%. Bonus one. Who's your hall pass? Oh, Casper the Ghost. But if I was also younger, not now, he's like a little boy that was my crush Castle of the Ghost he's so beautiful those big eyes man he's gorgeous Liv we love you thank you so much that was amazing

54:16guys what an amazing episode Liv if you're listening thank you so much for coming on I loved our conversation I loved how open Liv is I mean so many people in the public eye don't want to be open but Liv is a prime example while being open kind of you connect someone so much more I don't know if it surprised you but it's kind of surprised me how she spent so many years being afraid of being alone and also how she loves her own company. If you saw Liv on TV, you'd think she's an extrovert, but actually she's very introverted. So many of us actually try to pretend that we're extroverts because we feel like we have to, but actually we're more introverted.

54:50And being comfortable being an introvert is really powerful. Now, if you enjoyed this episode, we have so many other episodes like this, which you can go and click on. And also let us know in the comments who you love, who you want us to interview next, what you love about the show. We'd love to hear any sort of feedback at all. And of course, we're going to be back next week for another episode of Great Company.