Top Leadership Coach Simon Sinek Shows You How To Find Your Why in 20 Minutes

19:40Mary Holland Nader:So that's a loaded question, isn't it? Because there's many reasons to have a money conversation. And I think we have to be careful about conflating the personal conversation with the work conversation because the work conversation is like I would like more please because I'm doing more you know and a you know relationship it could be like hey you're spending too much right right right so you know very different let's use uh work cop okay as the example so the funny thing about your why at work is your why at work is the same as your why with your friends, which is it's the thing that makes you valuable, right?

20:18Mary Holland Nader:Your friends love you because they are, uh, they either resonate with the thing or you give them that thing that they need in their life. So I love doing a why discovery with somebody I like because what I discover is the reason why I like them. Right. Right. And people who want that in their lives, you fill that, you fill that gap. Right. And so it's also the thing that provide the deep value at work. So if you only define your value at work based on your performance numbers, I mean, that's good. Right. But that's, you know, what if you have a bad month? Yeah. Then your identity is out the window and your argument's out the window.

20:54Mary Holland Nader:And performance matters, but it matters second. Right. So assuming you work for an organization that you feel like you belong. Right. Assuming the organization cares about these kinds of things. Assuming you work for a boss that sees your value beyond just being a machine that punches a clock and produces numbers. Assuming those things, that's where you would want to start, which is one thing you may or may know about me. I wake up every single day to invite people who've historically been left out for various reasons, and I want to show them the possibilities that exist. One of the things that I love about working at this company is that you've given me an opportunity to do that professionally.

21:41Mary Holland Nader:And if you look at my book of business, for example, in your case, my client profiles look a little different than most others because you can see I'm bringing in new business in a way that has never been done before because I'm finding possibility and they trust me because that's who I am. and I'm quite frankly I'm doing it at a really high level amazing wow so you can start conversations that way I mean there's all kinds of other techniques about how to have difficult conversations and uncomfortable conversations which we can go into if you want we have so many more conversations to be had the why is wonderful it's super helpful for pretty much everyone and that's why I'm doing this podcast is to translate like have experts like yourself on to be able to give people access who might not listen to well listen to a bit of optimism if you haven't, obviously, but who might not have heard of you before.

22:29And it's like, I feel so lucky. And I was thinking as you were talking, one of my growing interests is just learning. Like, I'm so curious and I love learning from people like you and just any book, any podcast. I'm just such a sponge. And I think one of the reasons why I like learning is because I love telling it to other people.

22:48Mary Holland Nader:We're learning about your house, right? We know that one of your houses being a translator and we know that one of your houses curiosity or soaking it in or learning whatever verb we find. And so the more you can learn, the more you can translate. Wow. So we're starting to paint a picture of your full golden circle. Not only just your why, which is that deep-seated purpose, cause, or belief, but your natural strengths, your values, the things that, you know, in combination make you really good at bringing that why to life. So we're starting to learn more about you as we go through this conversation.

23:16I'm curious, when you found your why, you weren't in corporate America.

23:19Mary Holland Nader:I had my own business. You had your own business at that point. And that was like a revelation, your discovery. and then you were like, oh my gosh, this is the reason I've been doing this the whole time? No, I wish it were like that. No, no. What happened to me was the opposite. My career is an accident. This was not a commercial or intellectual pursuit. This was born out of desperation and need. I had my own little business. We'd been in business for four years and most businesses fail in the first three. So I now joined an elite club in America of the company that's revived. Well done. I have three to go.

23:54Mary Holland Nader:And my fourth year didn't feel like my first three years. My fourth year in business, I'd lost my passion. And I was embarrassed because superficially, things were good, right? Like I had my own business, my own boss, like all the things that some people dream of, I had. Right. Except I didn't want to wake up and go to work anymore. Wow. And it was a very dark time. And I didn't want to tell anybody, as I said, because I was embarrassed. Right. And so I don't, you know, I'm sure you know this, which is if you're in a dark space and you don't tell anybody, it's darker. Yeah. Exactly. And it wasn't until a very dear friend of mine, after about three months in this really dark space, a dear friend of mine came to me and said, something's wrong.

24:35Mary Holland Nader:Something's off. I don't know what it is, but something's not right. And I took advantage of the safe space that she created and I came clean. And it was a huge weight off my back to just say it. and all that energy that went into lying, hiding, and faking every day, I invested that energy in trying to rediscover and reignite my passion. I didn't know where it was. And I had this idea about the why. Right. And somebody helped me find why because you can't do it for yourself because you can't be objective about yourself. When I discovered my why, more importantly, I not only figured out how to find my why, I figured out how to help others find theirs.

25:15Mary Holland Nader:And just like when you see a great movie or read a great book, all you want to do is tell other people. I'm like, you got to go see this movie. You got to try this restaurant. Right. Why do we do that? Yeah. It's because we want people to have the great experiences we have. Totally. I mean, we're sharers with people we love. That's what we do. And so that's what I did. I shared it with my friends. And my friends wanted to share it with their friends. And so they invited me to their apartment. And I would stand in someone's apartment in New York City. And we had one of those who are like, you know, those things you buy, you know, in the supermarket.

25:39Mary Holland Nader:You know, pop it open. Classic, yeah. You know, the dips and things. Yeah. And I would talk about this thing called the Y and help people find their Y for$100 on the side. And people just kept inviting me to help them. And then somebody invited me to come talk to their company and was willing to pay me to do it, which I didn't even know you were allowed to be paid to do that. I thought you had to like swim across the Atlantic Ocean. That was the beginnings. I never imagined I'd be a public speaker. I never imagined I'd write a book. I wasn't one of those people who thought I had a book in him.

26:08Mary Holland Nader:I just didn't think that. but I was obsessed with this thing called the Y and it resonated with people and I love the impact that it had in people's lives. They were inspired, which in turn inspired me. Right. And I just kept saying yes to all the opportunities and here we are today. Wow, that is so impressive. I've been overcoming my fear of public speaking and I remember you told me just practice makes perfect. You used, at one point you were nervous to public speak. Yeah, of course, everybody was nervous. Everybody starts off at an amateur at some point. Yes. Nobody's naturally good at anything.

26:38Exactly.

26:38Mary Holland Nader:But it's also my disposition, right? Like every time I give a talk, every time I go on stage, I say to myself under my breath, out loud, you're here to give. And I remind myself that I'm not here for me. I'm here because I have an idea or a point of view that has real value in my life and I think it'll have value in others. And so I'm here to share it. And if you disagree, that's okay. I don't need your love. I don't need you to follow me. I don't need you to buy my book. I'm not here to get anything. I'm here solely with a giver's heart and I remind myself that every time I go on stage I'm here to give and that helps the nerves go away because the reason we're nervous is we want people to like us and I hope they get applause and I hope they buy my book and I hope they follow me on social media blah blah blah blah blah it's all about you and when it's all about you people can tell like I can always tell when speakers make it about them right they show up on stage and say well in my book you know and like they show up in the back you know the screen behind them has all their social media handles and you know their their website, their QR codes, and you know, and you can tell that they're selling.

27:41Yeah.

27:42Mary Holland Nader:You know, like, or people who say, people who start, their opening line is, can you please put your phones away? All I ask is for your attention for one hour. Right. My attitude is, that's kind of my job. Like, if I'm really compelling on the stage, you won't want to pick up your phone. You don't have to ask that, yeah. And how do I know you're not taking notes? Right. Or tweeting? This is the best thing I've ever seen. Like, I should let you do that. Totally. You know? And if I suck, then you should be on social media to pass the time. because I'm boring. Also, if you say don't get on your phone, the first thing you want to do is get on my phone.

28:11Mary Holland Nader:So like I always think that's very funny. Like your job is to be compelling. But anyway, the point is, is you show up with a giver's heart. You show up to give. This is why we talked about right back to the beginning of where we started, which is starting with why is the thing you give to the world. Totally. That's the purpose you have in the world. And it's also an act of service. Your why is never about you. It's never about your product. It's never about your company. That's like when people say my why is to provide financial da da da da. No, no, no, no. That's one of the mechanisms you found to bring your why to life.

28:41Mary Holland Nader:You're not defined by the product. It's the value provided to the world, both through your work, but also in the lives of your friends. I mean, everyone dreams of loving their work and loving what they do. And I feel like the answer to doing that is finding your why and going from there, especially as the workforce changes so much. He knows what the workforce is going to look like. So now more than ever in such a period of uncertainty where AI is taking so many jobs and you disagree. I'm just like, my thought process is if you have your why, then whatever the workforce looks like that you can find.

29:15Mary Holland Nader:That's true. And, you know, your why doesn't mean like the whole company has to, you know, sort of help you bring your why to life. That's ideal. But there are people who work with dysfunctional companies that all they care about is, you know, the quarterly results and will then bring your why to life for your teammates. Sure. You can find ways to do it that bring you great joy. One of my favorite companies, on the planet is called Barry Waymiller. My mentor, Bob Chapman, he ran it for many, many, many years. And it's a manufacturing company. Sure. It's a manufacturing company in the Midwest, like blue collar factories, like every stereotype you have in your mind.

29:50Mary Holland Nader:Yep, it's all there, you know? Yeah. And so like they make machines that put like labels in ketchup bottles, like that's fulfilling nobody's why. Right. Right. But for the fact that the way the culture exists is that they all take care of each other. And it's a human-centric company. So people who love to take care of people and want to be taken care of and are willing to ask for help and willing to sort of put themselves out there, love working there. Yeah. And so the company is defined by how they touch the lives of people, not by how many machines they make. Right. You almost wish that everyone's LinkedIn just had their why.

30:21So you can know who to hire, know what companies to work for.

30:24Mary Holland Nader:By the way, in my ideal world, I want companies to put their why. Yeah. And I want people to put their why. in my ideal world, that's how we would link up. Yeah. I mean, the good news is the work that I do is having an impact on companies where now everybody has a purpose statement. Now, they may not follow it or believe it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the fact that the social pressure to have one means that the work is going in the right direction. Right. And even people who are interviewing, like even when I was in college interviewing for jobs, you look at the mission statement. You're like, how do I align with that mission statement?

30:56And I think it's just so important. Yeah, if you're graduating and you don't know what to do, what the hell to do with your life. Try and find the reason companies are operating or trying to peel back the onion of the culture a little bit so that make sure it aligns.

31:09Mary Holland Nader:And our guidance counselors, you know, well-intended aren't helpful. Yeah. In fact, our parents aren't helpful. Right. Like they say to us when we're little children, like, what do you want to be when you grow up? Yeah. Here's the five options. Like I have to pick one? Yeah, exactly. Or, you know, what do you want to do when you graduate school? Right. What do you want to do? Nobody ever says, who do you want to be? who do you want to be when you grow up? What kind of person do you want to be? Mic drop. Now the question is when you know that, okay, what are all the different ways that you could bring that to life?

31:40Mary Holland Nader:And that's called possibility. Right. And that's what allows for a wonderful career, which is you find that there are many ways to bring your why to life. Right. But when it goes right back to the beginning of the conversation, if you have that filter, it's not happening by accident. Oh my God, I love my job. Well, you just got lucky. Right. You can actually make decisions. I love that. before with purpose on purpose. Wow. Well, I feel inspired, that's for sure. And a bit of optimism. The last question I ask all of my guests going forward, since you're the only second guest. You ask all your guests.

32:12I ask all my future guests. Starting, yeah.

32:14Mary Holland Nader:You will ask all your future guests. Exactly. Is what is a growing interest of yours? Anything new that you're exploring? Anything at all? It could be a show. It could be a form of meditation. It could be type of music. Could be traveling. Anything that you're interested in newly yes tell me uh i've become sort of mildly obsessed with british history like cool the tutors in particular okay expand i don't even know what drew me to it was it traveling no no it's like henry the eighth and so interesting elizabeth the first and shakespeare they all that was a lot of tea uh a lot of tea and and sort of and there was a a lot of incredible art that came out of that time.

33:01Mary Holland Nader:Hans Holbein and a lot of incredible, you know, Christopher Marlowe and William Shakespeare. And this time period really had such an impact in the world that we didn't even realize. Freedom of press and freedom of speech and freedom of expression started to come out of this time period. They were taking risks to say things. Didn't always work out that well. Sometimes you get your hand cut off. But they were experimenting with this, you know. French used to be the dominant language in the world and in court. And it was this time period where it started to become English. Interesting. Well, Henry VIII also because he was the one that started the Church of England.

33:38Mary Holland Nader:And one of the things they did is they translated the Bible into English for the first time. And so now average people could have access to God and you didn't have to rely on the clergy and the priests and ruling classes where you didn't know what the Bible said because they had to be translated. But now regular people could read, could read the, which gave rise to literacy, you know, things like that. So it was an amazing time period. Plus the art was incredible. So fascinating. Where have you been learning about it? Like reading books? I mean, watching documentaries. I'm not a very good reader.

34:09Mary Holland Nader:Watching a lot of documentaries. Historical fictions are fun too, but I know that they're historical fiction. And quite frankly, I've been learning about it through the art. So like I was recently in Paris and I went to the Louvre and I went and looked at all the, old northern european paintings and so for example there was a painting by hans holbein of i'm really getting nerdy now no i love it this is now going to get boring for everybody present you know but here's the picture of uh anne of cleves henry the eighth has already um divorced his first wife because he couldn't get a son uh which is catherine catherine of aragon and then killed his second wife anne boleyn cut her head off because she was having an affair supposedly she probably was you think i don't know i believe her and now they needed he needed to remarry and so they sent Hans Holbein off to Germany to paint portraits of paint a portrait of this and of Cleves to see if the king should marry him and so he brings back this portrait and they show the king this portrait and he's like she's hot I want to marry her from the portrait shut up right and so they bring her all the way from Germany to marry the king he said after he met her I like her not because apparently she wasn't as hot as her portrait.

35:24Hans facetuned it a little bit.

35:25Mary Holland Nader:Exactly. And so he married her and it didn't last very long. Did he kill her? No. Divorced, but had died. She died. No, sorry, Jane Seymour. Sorry, I left out a wife. So he was married to Catherine de Aragon for many, many years, but he couldn't get a son. And so he wanted to divorce her. And the Catholic Church and the Pope wouldn't allow him to divorce her. So he basically started the whole Church of England just so that he could divorce his wife. Shut up. So the whole Church of England became because Henry VIII wanted to get a divorce that he couldn't get. You're kidding. No, that's how the Church of England began.

35:54Mary Holland Nader:Oh my God, T. So the rise of Protestantism also is this is the reason, right? Okay. Then he, so divorce beheaded. So he killed Anne Boleyn. Then he married Anne Boleyn's lady-in-waiting, which is Jane Seymour, which is his true love. His true love. Right? And Jane Seymour gave him a baby, which was, he gave him a son, which he was really happy about. Good. But Edward. But then she died. So the love of his life died. And so the fourth wife was then. Was the one that he said, never mind. Which is Anne of Cleves, right? In real life, she wasn't as hot as the portrait. And then, and so he married her and then divorced her pretty quickly.

36:29Mary Holland Nader:And so he was the original online dater, you know, where you meet the person and they're just not as hot as their picture. The original catfish. So OG goes back to the 1500s. Wow. You know. There needs to be like a new show. Is there? Is one of those British shows about this? I don't think so, but that's a funny concept. That is hysterical. And so anyway, the point is the reason I went down. So you saw the portrait. Yeah. At the Louvre. Now I see the value of the portrait. So that was very necessary to answer. At the Louvre, they have the actual painting by Hans Holbein. The actual painting of Anne of Cleves that Henry VIII looked at and was like, she's hot, I'll marry her.

37:09Mary Holland Nader:Shut up. The actual painting. What did you think? She's hot. She's hot. Yeah, she's total cutie. I have to go to the Louvre and see this painting. And the funny thing is because everybody just wants to see the Mona Lisa. Right. There's nobody there. And it's one of the most historically important paintings in the world. Now I'm hooked. That is like, if anyone's going to Paris this summer, Louvre, Anne of Cleves, essential. By Hans Holbein, yeah. Wow. Okay, so history. Now I'm going to go down. I'm totally into British history right now. Ew, I'm obsessed. For no reason whatsoever. Now I'm, have you heard like Stuff You Should Know and Hardcore History, the podcast?

37:36Mary Holland Nader:I haven't heard that one, but there's a fun - Hardcore history is fun. There's a British history one that's fun too. Okay, love. Well, that will be a new growing interest of mine. So thank you, Simon, for coming. Sorry to all the listeners. No. Who now... I have a feeling we're going to have some secret history nerds that really enjoyed that. So six wives. He had six wives. Six wives. Crazy. And the Protestant church because of it. Well, not the Protestant church. Because he wanted six wives. But the Church of England. Oh, sorry. Church of England. But most importantly, the translation of the Bible into English.

38:05Mary Holland Nader:That was because of Henry Gates. I mean, of course. That's the most important. So the King James Bible came out of... Sure. King James. King James. James. Wow. Even though it was really from Henry VIII. Oh my gosh. I mean, this is like a whole new rabbit hole that I'm going to go down after this. This is crazy. It's a rich history. You have to send me the documentaries you watched. I will. And I'm going to force my sister to watch. I know what to show you that will get you hooked. You know? Yeah. Okay. Would it get my sisters hooked? Yeah. I mean, there's a historical fiction about Oliver Cromwell called Wolf Hall.

38:34Okay.

38:34Mary Holland Nader:It's Henry VIII. Wolf Hall. And there's two seasons. Okay. And like, it'll get you hooked. We'll put all this in the show. I was into it and I watched that and I'm like, oh, this is good. Obsessed. Well, thank you, Simon Sinek, for joining us. Thanks for having me. Hey, everyone. Hope you enjoyed this conversation. The biggest action item from this episode is simple. Find your why. Grab a friend and ask them these three questions. Professionally, what's a project you worked on that you absolutely loved being a part of? Early childhood memory. Get specific. And last but not least, what would your plaque say?

39:07All right. See you guys next week. Thank you.