How to make 2026 a year full of laughs (w/ Chris Duffy and Manoush Zomorodi)

0:00Chris Duffy: With no fees or minimums on checking accounts, it's no wonder the Capital One bank guy is so passionate about banking with Capital One. If he were here, he wouldn't just tell you about no fees or minimums. He'd also talk about how most Capital One cafes are open seven days a week to assist with your banking needs. Yep, even on weekends, it's pretty much all he talks about. In a good way. What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See CapitalOne.com slash bank. Capital One N.A. Member FDIC.

0:31This Father's Day at Lowe's, we have extra big deals for a very limited time. So you can get Dad the gift he's been wishing for. Get a free select Craftsman, DeWalt, or Cobalt battery when you buy a select combo kit. Plus, save$90 on a Cobalt 24-volt battery string trimmer and leaf blower combo kit. Now$129. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Ballot through 615, while supplies last. Selection varies by location.

1:04Chris Duffy: Hi there. This is How to Be a Better Human. I'm Chris Duffy, and today on our show, we have - Hey, Chris, I can take it from here. Oh, Manoush. Okay, you - Yeah, I've so got this. Okay. Hi. You're listening to How to Be a Better Human. I'm Manoush Zomorodi, and today we are doing something a little different. You might know my voice from my podcast, The TED Radio Hour. I'm a journalist and an author, and today I am so honored to be guest hosting How to Be a Better Human. If you are a long-time listener, even if you're not, I think you are going to love today's episode because today it is Chris Duffy himself who shall be in the How to Be a Better Human hot seat.

1:42I am going to grill him on how to be funny because apparently he's learned. He's written an entire book about it. Just kidding, Chris. You are very funny. I have known Chris for years now because not only are we both hosts of TED podcasts. We actually get to hang out several times a year when we go to TED conferences. And let me tell you, when I see this goofy guy coming down the hallway after being surrounded by all the bros, I am so happy to hang out with him, to mock ourselves, to mock all the gluten-free options that there are, and to just hang out with Chris because he's such a warm, lovely, kind person who also manages to be funny.

2:25It's kind of a gift. So today, though, we're going to talk about his new book. It is called Humor Me, How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy. And I think this is particularly important right now because, oh, everything feels a little overwhelming, a lot divisive. And I think we need to remind each other that A simple way to connect is laughter. And Chris gets into the research behind that, how you can tap humor to make yourself laugh, to make those around you laugh, and ultimately lead a more fulfilling life to be a better human. Trust me, he has got it all. He also, by the way, if you didn't know, he gave a TED Talk.

3:11So let's play a clip of that now.

3:12Chris Duffy: In my experience, the difference between people with an amazing sense of humor and those without is often just whether they are willing to accept and notice their honest reactions or whether they try their hardest to fit them into a box. And that can shift over time. I saw that shift with my adult improv students. At first, when we would do an exercise where they were asked to name seven things in a given category as quickly and creatively as possible, many of them would get stuck. One guy, Rick, a corporate tax lawyer, answered the prompt, seven weird types of shoes by saying brown shoes, white shoes, black shoes, gray shoes.

3:51Chris Duffy: I'm not going to name all the shoes. It was all a lot of boring shoes. You get it. But then after we practiced celebrating our more bizarre thoughts instead of repressing them, Rick eventually came up with a list that included things like shoes covered in mud, shoes covered in gold, shoes covered in the blood of my enemies, which is like, that's a lot, Rick. Actually, that's a lot. It's really a lot. But it's also definitely more interesting. And I think that's the point. When we turn off our self-judgment and we just notice the things that stand out to us or that we think, we can surprise ourselves in ways that are hilarious and delightful.

4:27So that was Chris on the TED stage. You're going to want to stick around because you're going to hear about the person that brought him back from the brink of losing his sense of humor and how that shaped him as a comedian. all kinds of tips, tricks, and ways to get those around you laughing, and most importantly, get yourself laughing. We'll get to all that and more right after the break.

5:06Chris Duffy: This episode is sponsored by Wayfair. We all want our homes to feel a little bit more like us, but for the longest time, my patio did not feel all that inviting, no matter what season it was. So I finally added a nice outdoor rug and it is really transforming the space. It's amazing how much one detail can pull a space together. Now, this is going to be one of my favorite spots this summer. I can just feel it. If you haven't tried Wayfair yet, my advice is start with one piece that makes the space feel more like you. Wayfair makes that easy. Outdoor seating, lighting, appliances, decor. It's all in one place with options for every style and aesthetic.

5:42Chris Duffy: And if you want a shortcut to the good stuff, shop Wayfair Verified. Their product specialists hand vet everything so you know you are getting a quality piece. Patio season is here and these deals won't last. So head to Wayfair.com right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less. That is Wayfair.com. Way fair, every style, every home.

6:32Chris Duffy: Travel Advisor. Apple Vacations, where your story starts. You have the vision for your business. You have the plan. And you just got handed a huge opportunity. But is your business connectivity reliable enough to make a move? Spectrum Business delivers fast, reliable internet, phone, TV, and mobile services. So you're always connected when it matters most. Get connectivity packages built for your business with savings that keep your budget in check. And with fast, reliable internet and 100 % U.S.-based customer support, you'll stay connected and ready to bring your vision to life. Learn more at spectrum.com slash business.

7:11Chris Duffy: Restrictions apply. Service is not available in all areas.

7:20Chris, I have to say, you are a delightful human being, and it is an honor to be here with you. Wow.

7:29Chris Duffy: Thank you so much. I really appreciate that coming, especially from you, Manoush. Well, I don't say it to a lot of people because I don't actually like that. I'm aware. You're aware? I'm aware that that means a lot coming from you. I don't think you're the kind of person who just says you're a delight. Okay, good. So now that we've established that you are actually delightful, let's get into what you talk about in your book. And you call it the three pillars of good humor. Let's go through what is number one. Okay, so number one is being present and noticing the absurdity and weirdness of the world around you.

8:02Chris Duffy: I think a lot of us walk through the world like half paying attention, half on our phone, half thinking about where we need to be. And if you really want to laugh more, if you really want to see the things that are going to make you laugh, you have to actually be there and notice them. I couldn't agree with this more. I hope this is not out of line, but this happened to me this morning because I noticed that as I was cleaning up after my dog, her spot on her tush, as it were, is argyle. Wow. The pattern of argyle on her hole. That is incredible. Yeah, that's the kind of thing that you don't notice.

8:39Chris Duffy: In fact, your brain trains you to not notice that. And then when you notice it, you can't unsee it. I was like, oh, look at that. There's a little Argyle sweater tattooed on your little butt. I'm so glad that I could be the reason for you to notice that. OK, so we're being present. We're noticing weird things around you. I'm having a ball with this already. What is number two? And the second one is being willing to laugh at yourself. So as much as you notice the weirdness and absurdity in the outside world, also being willing to notice the weirdness and absurdity in yourself and to laugh at it, to not feel like you have to be some sort of like perfect, flawless, errorless human exemplar and instead be a regular, messy, error prone, sometimes a bit of a disaster human like everyone else.

9:24Okay, let's dig into that one a little bit more, because I do think that that's hard to do these days because people are constantly trying to, you know, get across this idea that they are competent. They are confident. There's the whole fake it till you make it sort of thing. So talk me through, like, there must be like a line there between like making fun of yourself, but also not undercutting yourself.

9:51Chris Duffy: Well, that definitely is true. Like there is a line where you don't want to undercut yourself. And especially it's true depending on like what the context that you are making the jokes about yourself are in, right? Like if you are the CEO of a company, it's a lot, You got a lot more space to make fun of yourself without like undercutting your ability to have a professional career. If you are the entry level person making jokes about how you don't actually know what you're doing, that's probably like not going to make you able to progress in your career very much. And I think there's lots of other types of identities that you might have to be thinking twice about whether you're undercutting yourself or not.

10:27Chris Duffy: And also, like, in general, you just have to think about context and the specific moment and the relationship that you're in whenever you are thinking about humor and laughter. Right. There aren't like one size fits all rules for this. So I do think you want to test out, like, are you undercutting yourself? Are you actually bullying yourself and being mean to yourself and making other people think less of you? But the flip side here is there is so much misguided social pressure, especially in the United States, like the culture that I live in and that you and I work in. There's so much misguided pressure that makes you think that the way to make people like you, the way to make people be impressed by you, the way to make people think that you are competent is to be flawless, is to have no mistakes and to be impressive.

11:16Chris Duffy: And actually, that is just like not true. the way that you make people like you, the way that you make people relate to you, the way that you make people want you to succeed and also think that you're competent is by showing them the messy human nature of yourself. Give me an example because as a flawless person, I find that very difficult to understand, Chris. It's so hard. Whatever do you mean? It's so hard because so few of us are Manoush. If we were all Manoush, this wouldn't be true. Then we would just be like, well, we are perfect. So why would we have a problem? I can't mock myself. It's impossible.

11:50Chris Duffy: I look in the mirror and I see a perfection. So why would I have a problem? You know, for the rest of us, though, what happens is there's a study that a team of psychologists did and they were looking at job applicants. And they had research assistants pretend to be applying for a job and then they had regular people rate them as like, do you think we should hire this person? How much did you like this person? How competent did they seem? And what they found is that people who were competent and had the job qualifications were obviously rated more highly. OK. Yeah. But the people who are rated the highest were the people who were competent, had the right qualifications, were good at the job and had just poured a cup of coffee on themselves accidentally.

12:30Chris Duffy: So the person who says, oh, my gosh, I just spilled coffee all over myself. I'm so sorry. I have this giant stain on my shirt. But then they also had all the skills. People liked them more than the person who had all the skills and hadn't spilled coffee on themselves because they're relatable, relatable, right? Like if you just think about this in your own life, right? If someone comes up to you and they're like, hi, actually, I just sold my company for$10 million. And also I volunteer six days a week and my son is going to Harvard. And by the way, I just bought my father a really thoughtful gift that I've been making.

13:07Chris Duffy: And I also work out all the time. And, you know, I just am like kind of loved by everyone. That person probably is like at the bare minimum intimidating to you and and more likely very annoying. You're probably like, I hate that person. Insufferable, actually. Yes. Yeah. Whereas if he was like, oh, never mind this white patch on my fleece vest. My baby just barfed on me. My baby just barfed on me and I thought it was Thursday and it turns out it's Tuesday. But I am here. That is a person who you have so much more ability to connect with. And so I think that like we think that you want to be the flawless, super accomplished person.

13:45Chris Duffy: And in reality, we don't like that person very much. We want to be friends with the other person. And we actually even want to hire that other person, too. Is it almost like you're breaking the fourth wall in a way? It's like life is but a stage. And like, but actually, we're all losers here. Like, do you know what I mean? Like we're in on it together. Yeah. Like it's creating that sort of intimacy. Like totally. I mean, the reason why I love laughter and the reason why I think like humor and comedy are so delightful and so important is because when you're laughing really hard, when there are like tears streaming down from your eyes and your sides are hurting, you are so in it with that other person.

14:24Chris Duffy: You are perfectly in the moment. You are so connected and you are not half there. You're not like kind of on your phone checking email and kind of talking to them. You are just in it with them. And I think that this ability to say like, oh, you get it. You get it and you get me and we're on the same page. We both understand. That's such a powerful, incredible feeling. And I think that the more that we can have that in our lives, the better our lives are going to be. In fact, you dedicate your book to the little snort. That's right. that people make when they totally like oh i love it when when that happens you're just like everything is it's all gonna be fine it's so good right i mean it just means like no one ever makes that little laugh snort when they're not having a good time truly one of my best memories of all time is walking with my friends i think i was probably in like sixth grade and we're walking down the street after we left school and we're just like drinking our little juice juices or whatever and trying to make each other like laugh through the nose and us succeeding a few times and I just remember like that is pure joy, right?

15:30Chris Duffy: It's just like you and your friends. That burning sensation through your nasal passages. Yeah, you and your friends giving yourself like a sinus rinse with orange juice. That's the greatest thing that can happen in a lifetime. Okay, number three. Okay, so the third pillar is putting yourself out there. It's taking social risks. And, you know, it's certainly possible to laugh and to have a delightful comedic experience all on your own. But so much of the way that laughter works is social. So much of it is like it's with another person or with a group of people. And so the really important thing here is to take yourself, to be willing to be laughed at, like we talked about in Pillar 2, and then to go out and apply that, to like put yourself out there, to try and actually connect with other people using humor.

16:15Chris Duffy: A way that you could think about it is like when you have a conversation with someone to not immediately feel like the only things you can. This is to me the like lowest bar of taking social risk is if I have a conversation with someone to not just go like, so crazy weather. Hey, so where do you live and how long have you been there? Right. Like to ask them instead to say like, hey, on the way here, I noticed a dog that was wearing a top hat. Did you know that they sell hats for dogs? Like that's a very small social risk to just like point out something odd that you have noticed and ask the other person about it to give them like a chance to have fun with you, to start laughing and to riff with someone else.

16:55Chris Duffy: And another one is like a lot of us in our day to day lives, like if you see something that is odd or someone invites you to something that's like, you know, like the other day someone said, hey, it's the holiday season. Do you want to go to a free event where they play Christmas carols, but they're every single instrument is the tuba? It's 100 tubas playing Christmas carols. And I was like, yes, we have to go to that tuba Christmas. I got to see it. But I think there's a lot of pressure to be like, no, that sounds weird. I don't play the tuba, right? No, I'm with you. The weirder, the better.

17:29Chris Duffy: Yeah. So that even can be a social risk. Just like going somewhere that's a little outside of your normal day-to-day experience, going to an event that is odd or strange or might be not fun. Like that can be a social risk too. Okay. I'm going to give you an example of this one. This was, I recently went away for a weekend with eight other moms who I've known for years. We're not like besties or anything like that, but we're just like this cohort. And one of the moms was like, you know what? Let's get out of here. Let's go to Vermont. We have this place. We just renovated it. Let's go hang out there.

18:02Love that. So we did. But then we get there. And Chris, she's like, so over there are all the sleds. Oh. I was like, what? Yes. And she's like, oh, yeah. So nine middle-aged ladies with no kids hurling themselves down this hill for hours. And I ate it, Chris. Oh, yeah. And I have never laughed. Well, no, I have laughed that hard, but not in a really long time. And that was a risk. And I made a total jerk of myself. And it was great.

18:38Chris Duffy: Oh, that's such a good example. I love that so much, right? Like it would have been so easy for her to not suggest that because like what if they think it's weird? And it would have also been really easy for you to say like, no, I don't want to do that because what if I look silly or ridiculous? All nine of us were into it. Yeah. When you do that, when you take the risk, it pays off so – I mean that's the kind of thing where I think like especially as I get older, it's like time passes so fast that all of a sudden you're like, was that 2022 or was that 2026? And like these kinds of experiences, these like big moments where you're laughing so hard, they stand out more than like the big expensive or difficult ones.

19:18Chris Duffy: Right. Like you could go to a really fancy meal and it wouldn't necessarily be like a flag planted in time. And yet the sledding is you're going to remember that forever. We're going to take a quick break and we'll be right back after this with more with Chris Duffy.

19:45Chris Duffy: This episode is sponsored by Kohler Smart Toilets. The objects we interact with most are often the ones we notice least. Kohler's Smart Toilet challenges that assumption. What if the most overlooked space in your home could become the most considered? Their Veil Smart Toilet is a sculptural silhouette that isn't just intentional. It's a philosophy that design changes everything. The Kohler Vale smart toilet is sleek with a rounded shape that's more like architecture than just plumbing. And it goes beyond looks. The touchscreen controls and customizable cleansing features offer a level of comfort and cleanliness that exceed expectations.

20:25Chris Duffy: It's all about elevating those ordinary daily rituals into something extraordinary through thoughtful design. Kohler has been pushing these boundaries for over 150 years, mastering that balance of stunning form and high performance function. That's a long time to get it right, and it shows in every detail. Experience the difference of Kohler smart toilets. Find out more at Kohler.com.

21:23Chris Duffy: Apple Vacations where your story starts.

21:56Chris Duffy: Right now, get one of nine legendary cups when you order the FIFA World Cup meal only at McDonald's. At participating McDonald's, only for a limited time, while supplies last. All rights reserved. Copyright 2026. McDonald's at the FIFA World Cup 2026.

22:17We're back. Let's keep talking to Chris Duffy. So you are now an author of a book about humor. You've given a TED Talk about humor, but you open the book with a story about the fact that you kind of lost your sense of humor for a little while there. And there was a very special fella who brought it back for you. Can you tell us that story? Because I love that you included pictures also in the book.

22:47Chris Duffy: I was a teaching fifth grade and it was a job that I really liked and cared about, but I was also like, it was, you know, it was intense. I was dealing with a lot of, you know, societal issues that, that come up in the classroom because your kids are dealing with stuff. And, um, I wasn't laughing a lot. I was kind of like beating myself up at the end of the day that I wasn't, uh, doing enough or good enough. And then, um, I would come home and there'd be so much work to do. And I was just in a, in a very, not very fun rut. And then one of my students, this kid, Gary, who is the single funniest person that I've ever met in my life, I was trying to figure out a way to get him to write more.

23:24Chris Duffy: And he came up with this idea that he would be the food critic for the school newspaper and he would review cafeteria food. And his cafeteria food reviews are like, to this day, the funniest things that I've ever read. Like I've literally performed these out loud, just read them verbatim to audiences around the country. and they always crush. I don't even, literally all I do is read his reviews and people are like, that's the funniest thing. Does Gary license them to you? Gary knows that I do this. He's given me his permission. He literally signed a release form. And also Gary is now, because of the way time works, Gary is now like a full adult man with a job, which is bizarre.

24:00Chris Duffy: Gary. But yeah, he would, the thing that was great is like Gary would use kind of the language of food criticism, but would be applying it to like a vegetarian hot dog in the tray with baked beans. And he would say things like, my server was very nice and generous I imagine she was probably embarrassed to be serving this zero out of five stars and he also used like he would come up with these kind of similes that were like you would never have expected where he was like the pizza comes out of the oven and it smells like when you've borrowed your sister's shampoo and used it in the shower like the fact that she's using like a special pepperoni scent of Pantene Pro-V Pert Pert pepperoni but it's just you know it's so funny and i think there were several reasons why it was so funny one is just like these were his actual unfiltered genuine opinions but also it's just it's the kind of thing that i had never thought of right like i never thought too much about the food that they were serving and like the actual like flavor profile and texture and presentation and it's so fun to have that go from kind of like a blurred background image into like sharp focus and uh yeah Gary is just hilarious.

25:12Chris Duffy: And it really was one of those things where I came home and read that to my wife. I read that to all my friends and we were just truly like tears rolling down our faces. So did Gary like really spark something like new in you like that you felt like had sort of was dying and like, did Gary save your life, Chris? You know, I'm not sure I go that far, but I do think that like I'm not even sure it's something new. I think it was something that I had lost. And I actually think this is a part that is not just me. I think a lot of people have this where when we're kids, we so are naturally in touch with like creativity and humor and laughter and like play and being silly.

25:54Chris Duffy: And then when we grow up, a lot of what we are told like growing up is supposed to be is like getting serious. Stop laughing. Stop being a goofball. And I just really found like I did not like the all serious version of myself. It was not fun. It was not sustainable. And like being with him and being reminded of like that goofiness of the ability to like look at any situation and find something hilarious about it. To me, that's like that is the point of life. And also, you know, to be really honest with you, it's funny to be talking about this right now and for this book to be coming out and me to be like doing these interviews because I honestly have been in a period of my life where it's like it's ironic that I am I'm selling humor because I have been in one of these periods where it's just like I have a new baby.

26:50Chris Duffy: I'm not getting enough sleep. There's so much work to do. I'm overwhelmed. And I have like kind of world is a rather stressful place. Yes. And the world outside. I don't know if you've checked, but it's not fantastic. No. So I have really been in this place where, like, honestly, I hadn't been laughing a lot in the last couple of months. And I had been feeling like, oh, no. And just like the weight of the world. And then. Yeah. Having to look at my own, you know, lessons, having to practice what I preach a little bit. But using some of the stuff from this book, I'm reminded of like, yeah, like it's not laughing for me.

27:29Chris Duffy: And I think for what I hope is true for other people is like if you can do it when you don't already feel good, it actually makes a way bigger difference than when you already feel good and you laugh. For me, like I when I had kids, I also had terrible postpartum depression. but the benefit was that it cleared out my filter benefit to me maybe not for the rest of the world but I now like see things and just sort of like appreciate them in a weird like maybe that's just growing up and growing into yourself and feeling more confident or being too tired to give a crap about what anyone thinks but I started sharing more of my like just mutterings to myself but but also things that I saw.

28:16And you're right. Like it just sort of eased my relationship with the world. My favorite moment is when you have like a kid is screaming on the sidewalk or like somebody is like driving crazy and you look over and there's somebody walking past and you share like eye contact and keep walking. I'm like, I we just were like, the hell is that? I know, man. And then they just keep going. You're not friends. Yes. You're just humans in the world. Having a moment. I feel like that is like, yeah, that's incredible.

28:48Chris Duffy: The connection where you two are like, I both see this wild thing. Okay, here we go. And I just think that like, I don't think we give enough credit to like those little passing moments of connection and laughter with someone else as being something that really makes life worth living. Can I read a quote that I wrote down from your book? I would love that. A good sense of humor is inherently generous. italicized, generous. And I guess I hadn't really thought of it that way. I feel like it keeps me going in this crazy world. But what do you mean by that? A mistake that people make when they think about what having a sense of humor is.

29:27Chris Duffy: And I think a lot of people think it's like about, pay attention to me. I'm the center of attention. I'm making a joke and you're all laughing and wow, that guy's hilarious. And I think that like, we don't need more of that. That's not really what I would consider to be a good sense of humor. I think a good sense of humor is when you and the people around you are all laughing and you're having a great time together. So like often having a great sense of humor might just mean that you are laughing at and paying attention to the really funny things that the person around you is saying, right? Like you said, you have these mutterings and they're really funny.

29:57Chris Duffy: Someone with a great sense of humor is gonna cherish those mutterings. They don't have to be the one making the muttering. And I think that's what I mean about it being generous is like you are giving your time and attention and your presence 100 % to this other person. And you're making it so that we are all having fun together. That is what a good sense of humor is. There's a statistic that you cite, which I can't remember what the exact numbers were, but it made me laugh because you said that most people say that humor in their partner or if they're looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever spouse, that humor is the most important thing.

30:36But then you specified that women say somebody who makes me laugh and that men usually say someone who thinks I'm funny. And that made me laugh really hard because I've just heard that so many times. Yes. Like, I really liked her. She laughed at all my jokes. Yes.

30:54Chris Duffy: I mean, look, there's no denying that it feels really good when you make a joke and someone laughs at it. That's great. But the idea that like when people were asked if they said that a sense of humor was a really important part for them in a partner and that when they asked straight women about it, they said it means that someone who we laugh together. And when straight men were asked, they said it means someone who laughs at my jokes. And I'm like, yeah, that's you're missing something there. You're missing an important piece, my brothers. And we need to clarify that that is not actually like the biggest part of humor, that it is the more generous communal part, not just the I'm the one getting attention.

31:30Chris Duffy: And I think there's a lot of pressure in this society. There is. To be like, everyone should have an audience, that everyone should be like building their personal brand. And it should be all about like getting as much focus on you. And I would like to push back on that and say that that's actually not the ideal. That brings me to when after you do find your special someone and a story that you tell with your partner, Molly, where it's not it doesn't start off well, Chris. You're talking about chronic illness and pain that Molly was going through. Not a lot of fun. No. But there was a moment that you just had to laugh.

32:08And talk about that section in the book where you explain, like, how to use humor with grief and with when you're going through some of your toughest periods in your life.

32:19Chris Duffy: For me personally, one of the like magical parts of humor and laughter is the way that it can take a tense situation and relieve the tension, kind of like wipe it clean and help you to kind of see things in a fresh way. The hardest laughs and the ones that like mean the most are when you're in a situation that's really not funny. But like, oh, I feel so good to like puncture that. So for me, you know, there was this period of time where my wife Molly was was really in pain and not feeling good and it was really struggling and she was struggling both mentally and physically. And it was without a doubt the worst period of my life and her life and both of our lives.

33:02Chris Duffy: But even in that moment, there was like a tiny glimpse every once in a while where something would happen that would be funny and it would like puncture the tension for a moment. And so one of those times was, you know, anyone who knows me and certainly anyone who's even listened to this podcast for one episode knows that I like to talk. I like to talk and I'm a very extroverted person. And Molly had this idea at one point that like maybe like the solution for me that's going to make me feel better is if I go to like live at a silent meditation retreat. And I said like, well, I really don't feel like you are in a position where like I can let you go live somewhere off the grid.

33:44Chris Duffy: Like all alone, I need to be able to get in contact with you because you're you're not really feeling well. You're not really independent right now. And she was like, no, no, no. You would come with me, too. And the idea that I was going to move off the grid to a silent meditation retreat when things were already really hard, I was just like, you're going to take away the only thing that I have left, which is yapping. You can't take away my yapping. And just the idea of us, even her in that really struggling moment, even for her, the idea of me being at a silent meditation retreat really made us both laugh so much.

34:18Chris Duffy: So we were imagining me trying to communicate with just my eyes or with moving the bowl in a funny way. but I think that it also is kind of the thing where like it gave me a little bit of energy and ability to just like get through the day and I think that that is really like when you're in these really tough times being able to laugh a little bit can allow you to just survive it it's not actually about like solving the problem but it is about like changing your experience of the problem for for a brief amount of time yeah i mean i didn't laugh at the time but boy did i have fun telling my husband the story so he was in a terrible bike crash and um and he called me from the ambulance and was like can you bring my wallet to the hospital i was like okay and then i get there and he's like a mess.

35:16I was like, can you bring my wallet? Like, really? That was the first? Can you bring my wallet? I think I hurt my shoulder. He ended up being in the ICU for five days. Wow. Yeah. But he could use the vending machine. Well, good point. Exactly. I have your insurance card and$1.50 to hit myself up with those sour cream and onion potato of gyps get me through the day yeah no you're it's just those little moments where you're like

35:49Chris Duffy: whoa life is weird yes i've been in this like intense period and like you know one of the things is it's just hard to connect with your partner when there's so much to do and i think like the classic early parenting thing is like we're just ships trading off in the night like you know we're just handling logistics together and that has been a real challenge and then okay well what is something that helps us and it was like sometimes if we can just be together for like 30 seconds and find something to laugh about we're going to feel so much more connected we used to do that all the time that used to be like every night we do that and it's really fun and then things got busy and it was bad it was like not an easy time so then we stopped doing the thing that was helpful and we we just did it for the first time like a few nights ago where we're like okay the kids are asleep there's more things to be cleaned and there's laundry to be But let's just pause for 30 seconds and sit on the couch.

36:39Chris Duffy: And you show me one thing that you've found over the last couple of weeks that made you laugh. And like she showed me a text message from some college friends. I showed her a video that I found on social media. It was probably like 45 seconds total. And both of us, though, like laughed together. And it was incredible what a difference it was before and after in terms of like our connection, in terms of like how the day felt, in terms of what what it felt like to be in the moment. So I'm trying really hard to remember that in my own life, that like this works for me. All right. So you spend a lot of time on this show, as I do, getting experts to explain themselves and share their innermost research.

37:20Innermost research. The Ted way. Innermost research, innermost feelings. You deal with a lot of feelings too. But you don't get to show off enough, Chris. So I'm going to just open the floor to you. Like, what do you want from this book? It is going to it's something that you're presenting to the world at a time when things do feel well on fire, frankly, literally and figuratively. And like, what is your what is your biggest hope with the book?

37:54Chris Duffy: Yeah, I hope people other than my mom and dad read it. So that's my biggest hope. Well, it's great. So if you're listening, do read it. It is like hanging out with you basically for about 200 pages. Well, I already have accomplished my wildest dream, which is my mom and dad and Manoush read it. So there you go. Yeah, I mean, my real deep answer is I've hosted How to Be a Better Human for this is our sixth year of the show. And people a lot of times ask, like, what have you learned about how to be a better human? And I often just like play that off with a joke of being like, I have not learned very much.

38:31Chris Duffy: A lot of people in the show are really have figured out. I haven't figured anything out. Like 12 people have told me to not sleep with my cell phone in my bedroom. And boy, do I still sleep with my cell phone in my bedroom. But like, I do think that one of the things that has come up over and over in the course of doing the show and over and over in my life is how important it is to just be able to see the lightness even when there is dark around. I think there's this like to push back on the idea that like if you laugh, if you have fun, if you are experiencing a moment of joy, that that means that you're like denying the bad parts of the world, the parts that are on fire.

39:09Chris Duffy: as opposed to, and this is what I really believe, is that this is how we tackle the bad parts of the world. This is how we have the energy and the desire and the will to actually make the world a better place and to work on the hard things in ourselves is by laughing and connecting with other people and making them fun. People don't like to do hard, painful things 24-7. And you can actually make a lot more progress if you can make it fun and funny and delightful. And I think that actually is possible. And, you know, like you said, and there's a classic comedy equation for this, which is that like tragedy plus time equals comedy.

39:46Chris Duffy: So like even the hardest things, if we get a little bit of space from them, we can look back and we can laugh and we can see some elements of absurdity in them. What I hope is, is that this book allows people to find some really practical ways to laugh more in their life and to use that laughter to tackle the hard stuff. Can I just say I love the idea of you ending the show or signing off from the show saying like, I'm Chris Duffy and I am now the best human. And therefore, my work is done here. Thank you so much. How to be a better human. And once again, I've confirmed I am the better human. Thank you.

40:24Chris Duffy: And good night. Better than you. That is always my number one qualm about the show is being like, I host a show called How to Be a Better Human. I'm always like, immediate disclaimer. That's not me. I'm not the better human. okay one question i had to end here do you have a new year's resolution i you know i i try and instead of like having like a workout more type resolution i've been trying to have like a list of things that are like actions that i can complete and then like a theme for the year okay and wow okay this past year was was for me was was faith and not necessarily like religious faith, although it could be that it was more about like, I don't have to understand how these things will work for them to work.

41:14Chris Duffy: Like I'm going to have another kid. I'm putting out this book into the world. I am like in a time of uncertainty. It doesn't have to be clear to me what this will look like. And that was a really helpful one. And so my one for this next year is like, is to like step into things that are bigger than myself. And so like one, like I would like to feel that I would like to feel awe, but I also just want it to remember, like you are a time. It's easy when you're doing things to be like, I'm the most important person. Like it's all about me. And I want to just be like, you're just a little speck and that's cool.

41:50Chris Duffy: It's okay to be a little speck. And that's cool. Yeah. And then, you know, my, my actual like things that are on my resolutions list are like, I want to send my newsletter every week. I want to have recorded 30 episodes of the show. They're things that I can kind of check off. And then I always have, there's ones that I have failed to accomplish from another year that I just try and roll over. So like - You just roll them over. You're like - Three years in a row, I've been like, submit an essay to Modern Love in the New York Times. And boy, it's not that I'm even getting rejected. It's that I'm never submitting.

42:22Chris Duffy: And I, at some point, will submit an essay to them. Okay. So the theme and then bullet points that you can actually achieve and then occasional aspirational things that it's okay if they roll over. That's your approach. I love that so much. I'm going to work on that one. I think our work is done here. Thank you so much, Manoush. It has been a real pleasure to be interviewed and to be in such a capable interviewer's hands. Oh, my pleasure. Well, I'm taking over the show now, Chris. Well, that does make it harder for me to accomplish one of my goals for this year, but that's okay. That's it for this episode of How to Be a Better Human.

42:58Thank you so much to today's guest, Chris Duffy. He's also the host of the show, by the way. His book is called Humor Me, How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy. I'm Manoush Zomorodi. I usually host the TED Radio Hour. You can find me there or on Instagram at Manoush Z, where I do try to make people laugh. Occasionally, you'll tell me if I succeed ever. On the TED side, the team includes Daniela Ballarezzo, Banban Chang, Valentina Bohanini, Lainey Lott, and Tansiga Sungmanivo. The PRX team includes Morgan Flannery, Noor Gill, Patrick Grant, and Jocelyn Gonzalez.

43:37Thank you again so much for listening. Tune in next week for more How to Be a Better Human and your regularly scheduled programming. And toast. Until then, take care.

43:57Chris Duffy: With no fees or minimums on checking accounts, it's no wonder the Capital One bank guy is so passionate about banking with Capital One. If he were here, he wouldn't just tell you about no fees or minimums. He'd also talk about how most Capital One cafes are open seven days a week to assist with your banking needs. Yep, even on weekends, it's pretty much all he talks about. In a good way. What's in your wallet? Terms apply. See CapitalOne.com slash bank. Capital One N.A. Member FDIC. Grainger knows when you're a procurement manager for an office park, you're not managing one building. You're managing all of them.

44:34And to stay ahead, you need to see through walls and around corners. Lights about to fail, filters ready to clog, HVAC on its last leg. If you wait until something breaks, you're already behind. Count on Grainger for quality products, easy reordering, and 24-7 support. Call 1-800-GRAINGER, click grainger.com, or just stop by. Grainger, for the ones who get it done.

44:57Chris Duffy: You have the vision for your business. You have the plan. And you just got handed a huge opportunity. But is your business connectivity reliable enough to make a move? Spectrum Business delivers fast, reliable internet, phone, TV, and mobile services. So you're always connected when it matters most. Get connectivity packages built for your business, with savings that keep your budget in check. And with fast, reliable internet and 100 % U.S.-based customer support, you'll stay connected and ready to bring your vision to life. Learn more at spectrum.com slash business. Restrictions apply. Services not available in all areas.

45:33Chris Duffy: Your team just added its 67th AI tool and also your 67th security blind spot. The good news? The Vanta agent works like a GRC engineer in the background, finding every app your team uses, scoring the risk, and drafting fixes for you. Vanta is the platform used by over 16 ,000 fast-moving companies like Ramp, Cursor, and Harvey, who are shaping the future with AI and staying ahead of AI risk. Get started at Vanta.com