Summer Fridays: Lessons from 102-year-old swimmer Maurine Kornfeld (re-release)

0:00This episode is sponsored by Toyota. A lot of us have this instinct to explore, to get out of our routines, to try something new, to maybe go somewhere we haven't been before. But the ability to do that, it depends on having the right tools. Toyota's new all-electric family is built with that in mind. Vehicles like the BZ Woodland are designed for movement and possibility, with dual motors, all-wheel drive, and the kind of capability that makes it easier to take the long way home, or leave town entirely. because sometimes escape isn't about going far. It's just about knowing you can. Learn more at Toyota.com, the new all-electric family.

0:36Toyota, let's go places. There are many podcasts you can turn to for work advice, but on our show, Fixable, we help real people just like you tackle real workplace challenges fast. I'm CEO and best-selling author, Anne Morris. And I'm Harvard Business School professor, Francis Fry, and we are the hosts of the TED podcast, Fixable. Whether you're lacking confidence at your new job, Feeling burned out or struggling to lead your team through a big change, we won't shy away from any problem. We bring our clear thinking, honest opinions and expertise to solve your toughest workplace issues through practical solutions.

1:10Hear new episodes of Fixable every Monday, wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, thanks for listening to How to Be a Better Human. This summer we're doing something special. We're calling it Better Human Summer Fridays. And every Friday this summer, we are going to be dropping a special episode on the feed pulled straight from the How to Be a Better Human archive. These are conversations that I loved and that our team loved. And we think a lot of you may have never heard. And we think they deserve another moment in the sun. So we're giving them that literal moment in the sun here in the summertime.

1:40This show has grown a lot over the years. So this is our way of making sure that if you found us recently, you're not missing out on one of the conversations that I am still thinking about, sometimes years later. And if you are a day one Better Human listener, well, first of all, thank you. Thanks for listening for all these years. And I hope that you will enjoy this trip back into our archive, back into some of the best conversations that we've had in the past. So let's get into it. Here's Better Human Summer Fridays. You're listening to How to Be a Better Human. I'm your host, Chris Duffy. Before we get into the episode, a quick note.

2:15This is the last episode of season three of How to Be a Better Human. And after this, the Better Human team is going to take a few weeks off for the holidays. And then we will be back with new episodes for season four in the new year. And on a personal note, I am going to be taking parental leave for the birth of my first kid, which I'm very excited about. A little nervous, but mostly excited. And I feel really lucky to be hosting a show like this where I get to have advice from all these brilliant experts about how to handle life transitions like the one that my family is about to go through.

2:44When it comes to this podcast, we have been pre-recording episodes, so you will be able to keep listening to our show in the new year as per usual. But I wanted to give you a heads up because I will be out changing diapers and feeding a baby and trying my best to get some sleep. You know, with this big transition that's coming up in my life, I have been thinking a lot about family these days. What family means, what it requires from us, how I want to show up as a family member. And today's episode is very near and dear to my heart because it's with a person who I consider to be one of my chosen family members.

3:16She's also someone who I have learned a ton about what it means to be a better human from. Maureen Kornfeld is many things. She has worked as a social worker, a teacher, a docent at an art museum. But the way that most people know her is as a swimmer. In the pool, they call her Mighty Mo. Moe and Mighty Moe is a world record setting competitor who was inducted into the International Swimming Hall of Fame. And at the end of this month, Mighty Moe is going to be celebrating her 102nd birthday. And she's still in the pool most days. In fact, that is how Moe and I met. I was swimming laps in the public pool and Moe was in the lane next to me when she called me over to give me some pointers on what I was doing wrong in my strokes.

3:56We started talking and then I started seeing her every time I went to go to the pool to work out. It felt like she was always there, and she always worked out harder and stayed in longer than I did. That is 100 % of the time she was there for longer than I was. Eventually, as we started chatting more, she invited me to come over and have some iced tea on her porch. And I took her up on that offer, and long story short, now she is one of my dearest friends in Los Angeles and a person who I consider to be a member of my chosen family. There are so many reasons why I love Mo. She's interesting, she's curious, she's hilarious, she's always got an opinion about a book or an article she's read that she wants to share, and when we hang out, I am always laughing.

4:37Mo has a quicker, sharper wit than just about anyone that I know. One of the many lessons that I've learned from Mo over the years is that it is never too late to learn a new skill. I mean, Mo has dozens of world records. She's won world championships. She's in the Hall of Fame. But she only seriously started swimming when she was in her 60s. Until then, she didn't even know that there were different kinds of strokes. In fact, Mo only joined a master swim team. That's what they call the swim leagues for adults. She only joined a master's team because she wanted to take a dip in the pool on a Saturday morning, but it was closed to everyone except for competitive swimmers.

5:13And Mo wasn't about to let that stop her. So she basically bluffed her way onto a team.

5:17Maurine Kornfeld: And I wanted to swim on Saturday morning because I worked all week. And they said, you can't. And I said, what do you mean you can't? And they said, there's a swim team, a master's team. Well, that meant nothing to me. And after an argument with whoever was on the phone, she gave me a name and number and says, well, call the coach. And I called the number and this grouchy guy answered the phone. and asked strange questions like, how long have you competed? I had no idea what he was talking about. So I said, not long, which was the truth. And he says, what's your stroke? And I never knew that it was really any stroke.

6:09Maurine Kornfeld: I said, none in particular. And after this prolonged conversation, He says, well, you can come on Saturday morning and I'll look you over like I was a side of beef.

6:28That was the start of a grand adventure and a chapter that would come to define Mo's life and friendships. We are going to talk a lot more about that in just a moment after these quick ads. Don't go anywhere.

6:45This episode is sponsored by Bombas. Summer is in full swing, and whether you're on the move or laying by the pool, Bombas make it easy to stay comfortable from head to toe. I am wearing their socks right now. Every single day, I put on a pair of Bombas socks, and I never, ever, ever regret doing that because their socks are amazing. They have soft and supportive socks for every kind of summer day, from compression socks built for travel and long days on your feet to sport-specific styles for golf, yoga, running, and more. And whichever pair you grab, you're getting everything you want in a sock.

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7:57Between classroom schedules, sports practices, and appointments, it makes all the difference when the whole family's on the same page. Skylight Calendar gets that. It's an all-in-one smart calendar that syncs seamlessly with Google Calendar, Apple Calendar, Outlook, and more, pulling everything into one shared view. Both my kids are starting new schools this fall, making big leaps to middle school and high school. That means new routines and new schedules, not to mention the fact that as the mom, of course, I'm often the last to know about a lot of things like rehearsals and games. With Skylight, my kids can keep me in the loop without me having to be a human hoverboard.

8:34Families are better when they're working together. Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners$30 off their 15-inch calendars by going to myskylight.com slash human. Go to myskylight.com slash human for$30 off your 15-inch calendar. That's M-Y-S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T dot com slash human. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Personal growth isn't just about learning new ideas. It's also about having the right support while you put those ideas into practice. And that's why you've heard me talk about therapy on the show. For me, having a therapist has been transformational. And I know that finding an in-person therapist like mine can be really hard for people.

9:15It can be expensive. Maybe you can't find someone who has availability or who specializes in what you need to work on. And that's why I think BetterHelp could be a great option for many people. It's the world's largest online therapy platform. They have a network of over 30 ,000 therapists, all fully licensed in the U.S. and held to a strict code of conduct. And each therapist has at least three years and 100 hours of hands-on experience, plus the required education, training, and certifications across a range of mental health specialties. Getting started on BetterHelp is easy. You answer a few questions.

9:45They match you with a therapist based on your needs. And you can switch therapists at any time if it's not the right fit. If you want to find out what real people, real customers of BetterHelp are saying, you can go to betterhelp.com slash reviews for real feedback. It's updated every day and you can see the reviews, see what stands out and see if BetterHelp is right for you. Visit betterhelp.com slash human. That's betterhelp.com slash human.

10:14Today, we're talking about swimming, life and finding your passion with Maureen Kornfeld, also known as Mighty Mo. Mighty Mo is 101 years old, and she still swims almost every day of the week. She set her first master's world record in swimming when she was 90 years old, and she has competed in world championships everywhere from Montreal to Budapest to Italy, racking up gold medal wins and record times along the way. But people are often surprised when they talk to Mo to hear that she doesn't really care about the competitive part of swimming all that much at all. What she really cares about is just being in the water.

10:47What do you get out of swimming?

10:49Maurine Kornfeld: A lot of fun. I like the people. I like the feel of the water. It's exhilarating. It's good for your mental health. It washes all the nonsense out for the moment. Something that I've noticed, you know, we met because of the pool. And whenever I talk to you, you have such a wide network of people who are swimmers. You know every swimmer in town. I know a lot of swimmers. So how has that contributed to you being part of a community? Oh, I love it. I love being part of a swim team. I've never been a groupie, I suppose, because we have the same thing in common. And they're all interesting and, of course, all different.

11:37Maurine Kornfeld: So it's a wide range of people, obviously. And I enjoy them. And it's nice knowing people different from oneself. And how do you think that that changes your life for the better? Oh, I think it enriches it beyond belief. I've heard you talk about getting your daily dose of chlorine. Oh, yes, yes, yes, my chlorine fix. Is that what it feels like? Like when you don't do it, you miss it? After a couple of days, yeah, I want to go to the pool. I want to see my friends. I just want to be there. Will you describe what it feels like to be competing in a meet? Like, what do you feel in your body when you get in the water and you're competing?

12:27Maurine Kornfeld: That's a good question. It's an important one. I like the fun of swimming. I like to swim well. I like to do whatever I'm doing to do it well. So what I try to focus on is what I'm doing, how my arms are moving, how my legs are, is my head in a good position. It's nice if you win, but it's okay if you don't win, if you swim well. And what does swimming well mean to you? Swimming well means you're doing what you should be doing. What life lessons have you learned from swimming? What has swimming taught you? To get wet. Okay, that's one. Oh, I don't know that it's taught me any life lessons. Yeah, it has persistence, the value of routine, discipline, self-discipline, particularly, you know, you win some, lose some.

13:34Maurine Kornfeld: That's life. Something that I find to be very meaningful for myself about swimming is that if you fight the water, if you push hard, you don't do better. The way to go faster is to be smoother and to resist less. Yeah. To me, that's a very important life lesson. Yes, it is. Yeah. That if you work with it. With the water. If you're smoother and your stroke is well done, you will move faster. If you have faster turnover. What do you mean by turnover? Pardon? You mean like the turn at the end of the wall? Yeah, you got to keep moving. Yeah, I'm not good at that part. I'm not good at keeping it going.

14:19Maurine Kornfeld: That takes practice. It takes remembering. It takes thinking about while you're doing it. And I guess that's one of the things I do like about swimming is the concentration. Inspiration probably helps with other stuff too. But if you pay attention to what you and really think about what you're doing, you're more likely to do it better. Moe is a celebrity at pools all around town. In fact, anytime I hear that someone regularly swims in L.A., I ask them if they know Mighty Moe and you would be shocked at how often the answer is yes. In an LA Times profile that was written about Mo, the reporter discovered that swimmers in Glendale, Pasadena, and Sherman Oaks all claimed Mo as their own.

15:05And they were all convinced that that was her home pool. All of which is to say that Mo gets around town and she makes every single swimmer that she crosses paths with feel special. And I know it's not just me who feels that way. Jim Rainey, the LA Times reporter who wrote that profile of Mo, first met her in the pool too. And like me, he was charmed by her wit. But when he started asking around about Maureen for his reporting, he heard story after story about her kindness, too. One swimmer told him how Mo had checked in on her repeatedly after there was a sudden death in her family. Another swimmer talked about how Mo had connected her with a friend who had become a really important relationship for her.

15:42And a third talked about how Mo started inviting him to see concerts together. And now they had a regular practice of seeing shows and operas and all sorts of other events together. Mo is a great listener. She loves to hear about other people's passions and interests. What she doesn't love to do as much is talk about herself. And as you can imagine, that made doing this interview with her for this show a little bit of a challenge. It seems like everything that you've done or a lot of the things that you've done, you care a lot about community and being a part of in community with other people.

16:14Maurine Kornfeld: I don't know. Maybe. That doesn't ring true. Well, it hasn't rung any bills up to now. Okay, but I guess what I mean is, you know, social work is about taking care of other people. And when I see you at the pool, and even I know this for myself, you're always reaching out. You're trying to build new relationships and friendships. That's something that not everyone does. But you really do that. You put a lot of energy into cultivating relationships. Maybe idle curiosity. I don't know. What is that? Tell me more about that. I do care about people and I care about finding things that help people or helping them find that, whatever it is to help themselves.

16:58I will say that I really appreciate you doing this interview because I know how much you don't like for the focus to be on you. Whenever someone wants it to be about you, you're like, no, tell me about yourself instead. You'd much prefer to be interviewing than be interviewed. That's quite possible. Uh-huh. Since Mo would prefer for me to do more of the narrating rather than interrogate her over and over, I'll just tell you a few facts about her life that I think are important to know. Maureen was born in 1921. She grew up in Great Falls, Montana. Her dad owned a menswear shop and her mom stayed at home, raising her and her two brothers.

17:30I guess I grew up in a family where there was a fair amount of laughter.

17:36Maurine Kornfeld: It was during depression years, so there wasn't much to really laugh about. But what do you know when you're a kid? In your family, even during the Depression years, do you remember people laughing? Yeah. What kind of things were you laughing about? Who knows? I don't remember. I had two older brothers. One, the oldest of the two, older, was more serious, more introverted. the one younger than he, but again older than I, was kind of a prankster. He was a redhead with all that goes with it. Okay. Mo would often follow her brothers to the local library. She's always loved to read and she frequently lost herself in a good book.

18:23After high school, Maureen headed to the University of Chicago, where she got a bachelor's and a master's degree in social work. She loved her time at the University of Chicago. It's something she loves to talk about. But at first, she wasn't really positive that social work was going to be for her. At first, I wasn't sure what it was.

18:42Maurine Kornfeld: And secondly, I wasn't sure it was what I was really wanting or interested in. Why? I was kind of an egghead. And it didn't seem very intellectual. and also the people I saw enrolled in it at that time were all much older than I was. I went from undergraduate school from age 20 into graduate school, and I had had classes with the president of the University of Chicago and great books, and as I say, kind of the egghead treatment. And social work is not very, it's more scrambled eggs. So what changed that made you actually like it and stick with it? It kind of grew on me, and I saw and found more opportunities to do things that were of interest, and I saw results.

19:51Maurine Kornfeld: and I can't really tell you otherwise. And particularly after I moved to California in 1970, I began doing more social work in the community rather than in agencies that were more confined. In Los Angeles, Mo worked at a number of places and institutions, but two of her most memorable, longest-lasting jobs were serving the LA Unified School District and Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. We're going to hear more about Mo's life, her career, and her tips on aging well right after this quick break. Don't go anywhere.

20:43There are many podcasts you can turn to for work advice, but on our show, Fixable, we help real people just like you tackle real workplace challenges fast. I'm CEO and bestselling author, Anne Morris. And I'm Harvard Business School professor, Frances Fry. And we are the hosts of the TED podcast, Fixable. Whether you're lacking confidence at your new job, feeling burned out, or struggling to lead your team through a big change, we won't shy away from any problem. We bring our clear thinking, honest opinions, and expertise to solve your toughest workplace issues through practical solutions. Hear new episodes of Fixable every Monday, wherever you get your podcasts.

21:44aging and aging well?

21:46Maurine Kornfeld: I think they, people sometimes, maybe often, I don't know, think you're more competent, in better shape, whatever, than you really are. Mm-hmm. But that's rather nice. Yeah. But you are in really good shape, and you are very confident. You don't feel like that? Well, I know all the foibles and all of the there's and things that aren't quite so as they were. Of course. How do you handle that for yourself? How do you stay positive? I think one of the ways I handle it is being involved with other people. You know, when you're involved with other people, you don't think about yourself. And I think most of us tend to think more about ourselves than we need to.

22:40Maurine Kornfeld: So what about for me? You know me pretty well. What advice would you give me? Stay as you are, baby. That's nice. What do you mean? What is the thing that I should keep doing? No, I enjoy your smile, your humor, your devotion to Molly, your sense of adventure, and your steadiness. Thank you. That's very flattering. Yeah. What about talking about sense of humor for a second? You have a great sense of humor. So do you. So there. Yeah. Well, so first of all, what's something that makes you laugh? I suppose it's something unexpected. And why do you think it's important? Why do you think humor is important?

23:22Maurine Kornfeld: Oh, because it gives you perspective. And that big problem you were so worried about somehow just disappears. because it's pretty easy to focus on things that aren't going well, feeling sorry for yourself, which we all do, and I do, too much. It takes you out of yourself and gives you a better, different perspective. So how do you get good at laughing at yourself? You're so good at laughing at yourself. Well, most of the situations in which we find ourselves that are miserable or self-inflicted pain, really, if you look at them from a distance, they're quite different. If you look at what happens in one's life and step away from the immediate, you begin to see with some perspective, oh, isn't that strange?

24:27Maurine Kornfeld: Isn't that funny? Isn't that weird? Mo makes me laugh a lot. One of the most recent times she gave me a good laugh is when I was doing research for this episode, and I read that she had told a reporter who was researching a story about her that the profile was going to be, quote, a terrible waste of newsprint, unquote. And then that Mo had self-described as a chlorinated curmudgeon. That's how she described herself. I am sure that she feels similarly about this podcast, that it is a horrible waste of audio print. I'm certain of it because she has told me many times Why would you be doing this interview?

25:00Why would anyone want to listen to this? Well, for one, I love talking to someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously, who is so uninterested in praise or attention that they try and convince a reporter writing a glowing profile about them that he is wasting his time. But more than that, I love talking to someone who truly embodies the spirit of this show. I mean, how to be a better human. To me, the answer is be more like Mo. Get out there, make friends, have fun. Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't ever believe that it is too late to start doing something new. Set records, but also don't worry too much about them.

25:34Just do it because you like being in the water and do your best to love who you are in the water with. But enough for me. Let's hear some more advice from Mo herself. And what about if you were to give people three things to do to improve your life? What should you do?

25:51Maurine Kornfeld: Three things to do for what? To improve your life. Oh my God. Laugh. Okay. Laugh's one. Yeah. Well, you can't get in too much trouble unless you laugh at the wrong time or at the wrong person. Then you might get into a little Dutch. Three things. Outdoors, I think, is important. I love the outdoors. I'm kind of an outdoorsy. Maybe because as kids we played outdoors. Nobody had invented a computer and we didn't own a radio and no one had come up with a TV. So we were shoved outdoors to get out from under our parents' feet. Reading, I think, is important. It has been for me. It broadens your world.

26:49Maurine Kornfeld: It opens your world. And it develops skills. For instance, I was talking with a friend who teaches ESL, and I told her that as a kid, how I learned and memorized nursery rhymes and the whole set of poems by In the Child's Garden of Verses, Stevenson. and that developed the skill, which I didn't know at the time, and where was I, developing skills in my head of memory. So there are many things you can do that are fun and that might improve your life. But they might not, but they might be fun. Okay, so we've talked about reading, we've talked about swimming. What do you think about just the balance between being independent and taking care of yourself and building community and relying on other people?

27:55How do you think about that?

27:56Maurine Kornfeld: Well, yeah, obviously you need to take care of yourself or you become a burden for others. You know, you've got to learn to brush your teeth and wash your face now and then. And doing things for others should just be kind of automatic. It's part of being a member of the human race, of helping people. It was certainly part of our bringing up. It was just kind of automatic. You just did it. People didn't go around with a little phone in one hand and fingers on it and the other in their face. down in it, preoccupied with themselves and with their own activity. Well, that's all that I have. Thank you so much, Mighty Mo.

28:47Maurine Kornfeld: A pleasure. Thank you for being through. Okay. All right. Does anybody ever say that? No, you're the first. That is it for today's episode of How to Be a Better Human. Thank you so much to today's guest, Maureen Kornfeld. That is it for this season of How to Be a Better Human. Thank you so much for listening. I am your host, Chris Duffy, and you can find more from me, including what I'm up to when I'm not hosting this show, on my weekly newsletter. Sign up for free at chrisduffycomedy.com. How to Be a Better Human is brought to you on the TED side by the synchronized swim team of Daniela Balarezzo, Chloe Shasha Brooks, and Joseph DeBrine.

29:25This episode was fact-checked by Julia Dickerson and Mateus Salas, who assure me that Great Falls is the name of a real town in Montana and not just a review of me trying to ski. On the PRX side, our show is put together by a team of aquatic masterminds that includes Morgan Flannery, Norgil, Patrick Grant, and Jocelyn Gonzalez. And of course, thanks to you for listening to our show and making all of this possible. If you are listening on Apple, please leave us a five-star rating and review. And if you're listening on the Spotify app, answer the discussion question that we've put up there. We would love to hear your thoughts.

29:56We will be back next year with even more episodes of How to Be a Better Human. And in the meantime, stay safe, be well, and thanks again for spending your time with us.

30:12This episode is sponsored by Toyota. Expression shows up in ways we don't always notice. It's not just what we say. It's the choices we make, the things we surround ourselves with, the way we move through the world. Even something like the car you drive can be a form of expression. Toyota's new all-electric family leans into that idea. The CHR, for example, has a bold, distinctive design, something that stands out a little in a good way. While the BZ and the BZ Woodland each bring their own personality to the table, it's a reminder that the things we use every day don't have to be neutral. They can actually reflect who we are.

30:46Learn more at Toyota.com, the new all-electric family. Toyota, let's go places.