Angel Strawbridge - No Regrets

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0:35Hello and welcome to How to Fail with me, Elizabeth Day. On my podcast, I discussed my guests' failures each week, seeking to understand what obstacles people have overcome and what, if anything, they've learned along the way. because ultimately our failures are lessons that help us understand success better. Before we begin, I just wanted to remind you about my subscriber series, Failing With Friends. And today, Angel and I look at your questions and give our advice. We covered so many things. We covered complicated friendship group dynamics and being excluded. We covered how to buy a house on a limited budget, feeling like a failure academically and dating in your mid-30s and the challenges associated with that.

1:20We would love to hear from you. Just follow the link in the podcast notes. At 13 years old, an age where most of her friends were going to teenage parties or dreaming of ponies, Angel Strawbridge spent her free time ferreting out fines at car boot sales. As an adult, she turned her love of vintage into a profession, first by setting up a Spitalfields market stall and then by founding the Vintage Patisserie Hospitality Company. She gained a wider audience when she appeared on Dragon's Den in 2010 and became instantly recognisable with her vintage style and bright red hair. She went on to publish best-selling books and, through her newly acquired TV agent, met her now-husband, the former army officer turned TV presenter Dick Strawbridge.

2:10He was 52, she was 32. They got married in 2015 and have two children. The couple are arguably most famous for their TV series Escape to the Chateau, which followed their decision to uproot their lives and move to France in order to renovate a dilapidated castle with no water, electricity or heating, and with hundreds of dead flies and bats to tackle. Escape to the Chateau ran for nine seasons before coming to an end in 2021. after which there was some controversy. But don't worry, we'll get into that. As well as a podcast and a new TV show in North America, the Strawbridges have been on a series of sold-out theatre tours around the world.

2:53This autumn, they're embarking on a new 32-date UK tour. We are firm believers, says Angel, in the harder you work, the luckier you get. Angel Strawbridge, welcome to How to Fail. Oh, thank you for having me. Just thank you so much. It is a pleasure to have you here. Tell me about the value of hard work for you, because it sounds like you're someone who has always worked from the age of 13 onwards. When my dad was 16, he did his apprenticeship in Hatton Garden. And him and my mum, they moved out of London, East London, not far from here, actually. And my dad got his first business. and as children we used to like me and my brother we used to go and sit in his jewelry shop called jewelry hospital and used to watch watch them work without realizing it I knew what work ethic was you know I saw I saw my mum and dad work hard and we got things like a sofa or a holiday I've never been scared of hard work and I've always probably had to work a little bit harder because I'm naturally not academically sort of great.

4:00But there's just something, I don't know where the drive in me has come from. But I enjoy work, you know. Even if I'm mopping a floor or I'm making a spreadsheet, I get satisfaction, let's say, out of just doing something the best I can. It's not for anyone else, it's for me. Part of the reason I'm so pleased that you are sitting opposite me today is because you are going to talk about something that you have never spoken about before, which is a leaked piece of audio that drew a lot of negative attention to you and your husband, Dick. And it forms part of your third and final failure. So we will go on and talk about it in more detail.

4:43But I wanted to ask you, Angel, why you decided that you wanted to talk about it now. Do you know what? That's a good question, Elizabeth. Well, I'm so grateful that you are going to talk about it. I think it's very brave. It's a year virtually that it's been leaked. But had I talked about it at the time, I feel like I would have had to address everything, you know, because there was a tsunami of untruths. And once you answer one thing, you have to answer everything. And actually, we're a year on and we have got our integrity. We're doing so well. We're happy. You know, business is fabulous. Everything's good.

5:25and I can look back and kind of go, you know what, actually, it's fine to say a thing or two. You know, this is not adding fuel to fire. What I want to do is kind of sprinkle some water on something that still irritates me, if I'm going to be honest with you. And I guess there's a spectrum, isn't there? You know, from kind of like someone being rude to you in a shop and you sort of walking away thinking, why didn't I say something? You know what I mean? and and I don't know if you've ever done this but where you kind of like you replay it oh all the time your mind it's like why didn't I say that yes um so I think I think it's my duty to not doing this for do you know what I'm not doing this for the haters yeah I'm actually doing it for me actually so I can get a little bit of my jest I'm doing it for all the people that have written in and just being like, sweetheart, don't know what happens, but I love you.

6:24And, you know, and I mean, there was a tsunami of those as well. So I think now, you know what, sometimes you don't know why you don't say things or why you do say things, but it just, like, now feels the right time. I'm so pleased to hear it, and we'll get more into that later. I do think there's something incredibly powerful, particularly for women, about stepping into their own story and owning their stuff and facing up to a shame that we historically have been conditioned to feel. No matter what the individual incident, I do think that that is a very powerful thing. I'm completely with you on that.

7:03I have been made to feel over the years that there's so many things you are not allowed to do or say or you have to act in a certain way. And I guess, especially when you're in the public eye, and I completely understand and respect that, but I think there are instances that need to be taken into context as well. Tell us about the chateau. How's the chateau doing? Oh, well, thank you for asking. Do you know what? It was beautiful. Dick and I, we left this morning at five o 'clock. Oh, you came from the chateau this morning? I had no idea. Oh my goodness. Do you know what? I haven't even looked in the mirror for the last little bit.

7:44You look incredible. I love you. So we left and it was dark. Petal, our dog, was barking away. Arthur, our son, was asleep in bed because he'd said goodnight last night. Dorothy, our daughter, she got up and was all snuggly. And my dad come over because they are babysitting. We sort of, you know, using this as a little bit of a date. So Dick and I held hands. We drove out of the chateau. and there was just this beautiful crescent moon. And as I look back, you know, it was just nearly on the edge of dawn. And the chateau just, it always takes my breath away. It doesn't matter how many times I see it.

8:21It just always feels magical. And it's good. We've got an event next week. So everyone, we're all busy, like proper spring cleaning, rationalising, weeding, repainting. And it's interesting, come the end of the season, which is like September, you sort of go into a different mode. you go into a bit more family mode, it just gets a little bit more worn. And it's always tidy. The house is always tidy. But all of a sudden, when you have got guests, oh man, it's a big old house to claim. To keep on the straight and narrow. It really is. So there's just endless lists, but you know, it's really good.

8:56So apart from what we've just talked about, what was the experience of making that TV programme like for you? Because it must be kind of amazing to know that this huge part of your family life is documented. That was one of the reasons why we continued to do it. We've captured this sort of beautiful journey that when the children are whatever age and they will look back at it and show their children. Filming, honestly, and I guess this sort of links into sort of, you know, chatting more later, but filming was great. You know, overall, it was incredible. We didn't have a big team there. It was always like a camera PD and an assistant.

9:35you know the kids with they had to be comfortable around whoever they were and whoever was filming and part of the beauty was the innocence of arthur and dorothy you know they they didn't really know what was going on and you know when they were just doing silly things you can't recreate that you know they their their innocence really kind of and and the gentle sort of you know the the family stuff that that we did that that was that is often what people would write in about about most it you know it wasn't sometimes all all the the big exciting projects they were doing it was just something I don't know like Dick uh cutting a peach with his with his dad's knife or something it would really touch people and and and and I think for for the kids you know I I'm looking forward to them in years to come looking back at that journey.

10:26Thank you for sharing that and thank you also for the work that clearly went into writing your failures. I can tell how organized you are as a person and what a great project manager you are because these failures came. They are so well thought through. They come with bullet points. Not only is there a headline failure, there's then the bullet points explaining them. And then at the end, you put the biggest win from that failure. I'm like, I don't need to do any work here. So honestly, biggest thanks to you. You've made my job very easy. You're so welcome. And your first failure, as you put it, is failing academically.

11:01So how did you struggle academically? I am sort of quite dyslexic. I mean, Dick says she doesn't speak England. I don't speak English. I'm always making up words. But, you know, I'm a 78 baby. Ditto. We bonded over that at the beginning. Yes. And my brother, who is also dyslexic, he's seven years my senior. and very interestingly if you think about you know lots of people talk about dyslexia now and and sort of you know like-minded sort of things but no one really knew about it it was really really new and untouched and I think where where my brother really struggled to get the teachers to understand I guess soon as I started having similar traits let's say my mum and dad was straight sort of like you know my daughter clearly has a learning sort of um issue and and you know I went had all the tests great dyslexic but it was great understanding that and I used to have to go out like once a week to to sort of learn learn sort of special ways to I guess overcome it but the truth is I just think differently you know I've got part of my brain that thinks differently to somebody else that might be more academic in my school years that was hard because you know I wanted to be really clever you know I like to be good at everything I do and I wasn't because you know I just don't have that type of brain.

12:23You said to me that you had such a fear of being asked to read aloud in class that it made you physically sick. Yeah in our literature class this was in secondary school the teacher would be in every sort of English class everyone would just take a book and we would just all go around and read and just before every class I'm going to physically be sick you know just like I hated the fact that the spotlight was on me and I had to read out loud. I mean, I still hate it now, you know, but it's just because, long words, I can't see them all. And what was the knock-on effect for you in exams? Do you know, I think I did, I just did really average.

13:04I did really well in business studies. I remember getting an A plus and there was only one other person that did that because that's all about common sense because I knew I wasn't academic. I think you just find your own path. Yeah. And I think there's a difference between being blessed academically and being blessed intellectually, as in you're a very intelligent person and school as it was then was not geared up to meet the needs of your specific intelligence. You're so good. You've just nailed that. Why didn't I say that? I go the long way around saying things, but you're right. It just was not geared up for me.

13:39And actually this is not a, oh poor me moment it was just you know this is just facts when I got to college I just accepted for me who I was I had no desire to go to university I just thought you know what use would that be to me

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15:04Okay, so your second failure. I cannot tell you how much I love this one. I'm so happy you chose it because so many listeners will relate. I get letters about this all of the time. Failing to find love before you were 30. And there's so much pressure put on us to do things by a certain time. Yes, there is. And I love them for this. So if you're listening, aunties and uncles and grandma up there, I am absolutely not slacking you off for this. But the first question is always, so have you found yourself a boyfriend? No. And I think growing up, you know, when 25 is like a really big number and if it doesn't happen, it makes you feel a little bit odd.

15:46Yes. And different. Yes. I had a similar thing where when I was at school age 15, they asked us all to write an essay saying where we would be in 10 years time. And I'd planned out this whole life for myself. I was going to have met the person I was going to be married to them within a year. we were going to have two kids I was going to have this job I was going to live here and of course life didn't turn out like that at all and once you get there you feel like really young I was way too young to get married yeah but you feel like a failure according to your own plan you you completely do but you know secretly I never ever dreamed of marriage you know like when I speak to brides and I love it and I get really into it and and and often some of them are showing me their wedding books that clearly they've been doing since they were like young young and I never ever dreamt of that I actually wanted to be successful I wanted to be and that's probably relates to my first failure but I think as life got on and I hit that 25 milestone and I was nowhere close you know it is that failure then what do you do about it do you kind of actively search for it or I was too busy too so did you have any long-term romantic relationships during this time you can say no i genuinely never met somebody that i knew was the one and i just had a busy life and i thought if you're not really the one i haven't got time well now we're going to get to the happy bit age 32 you go to a tv party tell us the story of how you met dick so i was on dragon's den and afterwards i met a lovely lady called sophie who wanted to represent me and she came over to my london flat and we had a we had a few drinks and she sort of said oh do you know i i've got somebody on my books i represent i think you're gonna love him she's like he's really efficient this is what she said is that the first thing she said about him yeah that was his characteristic i mean she just got the vibe that i like to listen and i was just like i love efficiency so i knew that he was going to be at sophie's 40th birthday that i was hosting so i had my confidence and i walk into this beautiful home in um southeast london and dick strawbridge is there I know a bit about him, I know he's efficient.

18:08I completely lost my thought process. I forgot what I was doing. And I'd never, I just had, like my heart stops. Yeah, you know when your heart stops and then your brain forgets what it's doing. So, and I always had this little thing where I would, someone would have a teacup, I'd pour some champagne in and some green tea that I'd made. And I always used to put a little chocolate at the bottom of it. Quick question. Was it green tea and champagne mixed together? yeah delicious it's it's nice actually sorry i'm obsessed with green tea and champagne and i've never tried that combination so it's a funny story how it came about because i did this at tea party for a group of 13 year old girls and i had some green tea so i did it and sweetened it up and the girls loved it and then the mum said to me oh do you fancy a little glass of champagne and she pours it in the the teacup with with a bit of green tea in it and i was like nah this is good nice I'm gonna try that tonight and when I finally got to Dick I forgot to tell him to take the chocolate out poured everything in the cup went bright red sort of I don't know walked around like a dog a couple of times you know chasing my tail and walked off and I and I just was like what was that you know my heart was beating so fast it was not until six weeks later that we properly got to me because Dick was on Celebrity MasterChef and he did this pop-up restaurant and we just sat and talked after him cooking for this this like huge or big party of guests and everyone wanted to talk to Dick you know they congratulate him and um and talk about the food and he just come and he sat next to me and we just talked all night um apart from his efficiency what is it that drew you to Dick?

19:57Where do you start? I mean, he's so passionate about life, about everything. He's a storyteller and he's got a certain energy. Honestly, even now, you know, he's got this aura about him of authority. It still makes my sort of, my hairs go on end because he's just he's a very very strong powerful man that is very kind as well and he would literally do anything for anyone and and you've got something in common on every single level which is so weird because we literally have like nothing in common yeah so and I was 32 he didn't ask me my age I knew he was a bit older I didn't care and do you believe in the universe sending you things when you're ready yes yeah a million trillion percent yeah I think you can't rush things um they just come to you at the right time and you went on and had two children I know quite quickly I was after a boy and a girl yes right nailed it now dick jokes because I gave him this little calendar one year and it's handmade calendar it was a joke but I'd put on there impregnate me by date the efficiency again the efficiency well when you wrote your failures I mentioned that you put the biggest win at the end of your explanation to me and if I can read out the biggest win that comes from this failure as you wrote it to me waking up every morning to a loving hubby who makes me a coffee and tells me he loves me and two kind and wonderful children who come in and give me a sleepy good morning hug, says the gushy annoying mum.

21:43I think that's so lovely and I'm so happy for you that you have found your story. Thank you. So you met Dick, you fell in love, you got married, you had kids and you started escape to the chateau. And that brings us on to your third failure, which is your failure to defend yourself. tell me what happened in words that you are comfortable using just tell me your side of the story the actual incident it actually happened like a long time ago so it happened about six years ago it was an interesting one because I put I put down sort of failing to defend myself but when you look back at something retrospectively, it's always so easy to kind of comment on, I wish I'd done that then.

22:35And I wish I'd done that then. But at the time, it's very, very difficult to know what to do. And I think you're scared a little bit, actually, because you don't know where this could lead to and what the repercussions of actions, I guess your actions can be. But there was a number of points. I wish I'd probably done things a little bit different, or maybe I don't. I mean, we had so many amazing people around, you know, filming Escape to the Chateau. But in this particular, quite small timeframe, we had someone that wasn't particularly very nice. His behaviour was completely unacceptable. But it didn't just happen in one little moment it happened over lots of different occasions and I don't know how much sort of detail you want me to to go into I don't you know I'm just nosy however much you're comfortable giving do you know I just we're so ingrained aren't we just if you haven't got anything nice to say don't say it and I'm not first of all I'm not a bloody poor me you know and and you know the The reason I'm here because I kind of just want to get some of this off my chest.

23:57Yes, and I think you're right to. I will wake up thinking, this feels so, so bloody unjust. This particular guy was difficult, you know, and he was part of a twosome. So there was another camera guy who was amazing. We're still friends with now. And this particular guy was only here for a short amount of time. And it was a high point, like towards the end of filming a series where we were sort of, you know, the way the kind of the rhythm of the series was towards, you know, set a lot of stories off in parallel activity. But obviously they don't all happen and they, you know, you don't get a huge renovation done in a month.

24:38We were particularly busy. And I think that's why we just didn't have the headspace to address his behaviour. He was not very nice. He was doing these weird pictures of Dick killing animals and posting them on his Instagram. He was so horrible with the children. There was this one incident and I actually truly believe that because he knew he was cool, I think like in my heart, that is why he set up this filming. Because the way that he was acting was how he'd never acted with me before. And looking back at it, it was so bloody easy to see. That's exactly what happened. You know, you don't accidentally film someone when you're not filming.

25:22Do you know what I mean? And record everything. It completely happened secretively and on purpose. But his behaviour, like with the children, is a really, really silly thing. But actually, he broke all of the kids' fishing rods, which was just a real, and just left them there. I just don't know. We had a few more days of filming and it was just like, right, you know, the kids are going to be away. Let's just get on with it and do it, you know. because there's always such a tight edit, you know, for the escape. And the next day I was upstairs and he came up in a really very out of character way for him and was really, I don't know, in my face, kind of like really like, you know, in a really angry sort of like he'd lost it kind of way.

26:09And at the start I was sort of like, Joe, I've not listened back. Honestly, I have not listened to this. it makes me feel a little bit sick if I do but obviously all of my friends have and they're like I can hear you because you he he actually took out what he said right he said I can hear you gradually getting more angry more angry more angry and everything he was doing and saying I can't even really remember his words at that time but he was just in my face and then I just like just get out my fucking house I can't even remember what he said I think I said a really bad word beginning with C, cake.

26:47I don't even use that word. Like, that's how pissed off I must have been. I think what's so interesting hearing you speak about it, and thank you for providing all of that context, and obviously he's not here to defend himself, so we probably have to say alleged, but let's just say... Yes. Yeah. But having that context is very helpful because the thing that I hear on that tape is upset. You are really upset. And fair enough, you might use bad language and therefore when it's edited a certain way and the other person's voice isn't in it you can construct a story which is someone being mean and unpleasant but now that you've explained it all actually what I hear is someone who is cornered yeah I mean completely we're upstairs four stories up in a corridor you know do you know there's a bit that I don't even really remember, but I just know I'm shaking, like I'm uncontrollably shaking.

27:46And you know, what's interesting is I was the one in the wrong for losing my temper. Yeah. And do you know, I will not apologise. He was so disrespectful in our house. He was so upsetting to me, my family, and I stand by kind of what I did. And I don't know if I was to apologise and say, I am sorry for using bad language and chucking you out. I would just be disingenuous to me. You know, I would not be who I am. And it was sad because we'd finished Escape to the Chateau on a complete high. You know, we filmed nine wonderful series. The kids are getting older now, right? Dorothy, who was, you know, the beauty about the show was that she's so, Arthur and Dorothy were so innocent.

28:35and as they're getting older you can see that they're becoming more aware of themselves that was one of the main decisions why we wanted to stop we had a big party and then of course like you know I'm going to be honest we'd stop making everyone loads of money and of course it was a great time to let this moment kind of resurface and but what it what the sadness for me was is that it started a tsunami of faux truths okay and they were I mean there was everything in there from us being bankrupt us moving out of the chateau we were millionaires I think the week after you know it was it we'd me and dick had broken up it was it was absolutely everything and I think we're so trained to not answer you know anything you don't explain you don't complain because once you answer one thing you have to answer everything right and actually when this all exploded we had just started our wedding season like literally it was the same weekend and I'm I'm in bed putting Dorothy to sleep actually and we've got a house full of guests um I'm getting messages from journalists you know wanting comments etc and actually in a way I had honestly I had to have a superpower and I had to box this all up because the people that were getting married at the chateau were the most important thing to me in the world that weekend you know.

30:04Did you have any cancellations? No oh my god no. Why do you think that leaked audio did resurface? I think because we had finished Escape to the Chateau I think people were thinking that perhaps maybe we were weak I'm not I'm not really quite sure look the bottom line is the people that we were filming with at the time we just weren't vibing with you know they didn't understand the show originally that we wanted to make yeah we wanted to make an aspirational show and they were they were after making a different show and I think any opportunity that they could to put that back in the limelight I think they would they would have done that

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32:22It must have been incredibly hard. You mentioned the ability to close it off as a kind of superpower, but I cannot imagine being able to drown out the level of noise. I mean, it did seem a disproportionate level of noise as well in a way it's testament to your popularity that it was sort of headline news it was it felt really disproportionate and there was so much noise going on on you know this one side and on the other side there was this sort of like outpouring of of love and and understanding and people just saying you know what it's okay to be human which was really nice and and you know when you're kind of like you're bit up against it and someone says are you okay and you go I just don't know if I am and honestly looking back I probably had that moment every day but you know when you have children around you have to be able to zone this out because the kids pick up on everything they knew there was stuff going on but for me the children put everything into perspective.

33:31It was upsetting that some of the brides were getting messages from people coming to the wedding sort of saying, oh my gosh, where's the wedding going to be? I hear Dick and Angel have sold the chateau. And also, this went global. I just couldn't believe the momentum that everything took. Did you question yourself? Because sometimes when other people are telling you or something yes I think it was just a very noisy time and I just had to focus on the family the business um and now looking back I probably did feel a little bit ashamed that the the kids would listen to it or the someone at the children's school would would listen to it I think I think definitely definitely but I also think that anyone with a little bit of of understanding or common sense could possibly like understand what happened do you regret anything about how that went down i just regret that i didn't do it sooner and probably in a calmer way i think because um if i had if i had just taken a breath two weeks beforehand and thought to myself, we need to get him out and get a new person in, then I think it would have played out differently.