S18 BONUS EPISODE: Georgia Harrison on taking back her power

0:13Hello and welcome to How to Fail with Elizabeth Day, the podcast that celebrates the things that haven't gone right. This is a podcast about learning from our mistakes and understanding that why we fail ultimately makes us stronger. Because learning how to fail in life actually means learning how to succeed better. I'm your host, author and journalist Elizabeth Day, and every week I'll be asking a new interviewee what they've learned from failure. In the acknowledgement section for her new book, Taking Back My Power, Georgia Harrison thanks, among others, the Essex Police, Sir Keir Starmer, BBC journalist Laura Koonsberg and reality TV star James Argent.

0:59The wide range of names mentioned bespeaks the extraordinary and challenging journey she has been on. After leaving school at 16 with undiagnosed ADHD, Harrison became an executive PA in the city. By the time she was 19, she was on The Only Way is Essex. By 21, she was entering the Love Island Villa as a bombshell in season three. In 2018, when she was 23, she met Stephen Bear while on another reality TV show called The Challenge and began to date him. Bear would end up betraying her with devastating consequences. In 2020, he shared intimate video footage of her online, filmed on his own CCTV cameras, without her consent.

1:47He posted it onto his OnlyFans page, charging viewers for access. From there, it went viral. But although Bear had stolen her agency, Harrison refused to give him her dignity. She pressed charges. It took two years to bring the case to court. In March, Bear was jailed for 21 months, required to sign the sex offenders register and ordered to pay Harrison over£200 ,000, the highest ever sum awarded in an image abuse case. Harrison went on to campaign successfully for a change in the law to help other victims. Now, in her new book, Taking Back My Power, she tells the story of how she fought for justice for herself and how she continues to fight for justice for others.

2:40This is not a sad story, Harrison writes. It's a story about the power of hope. Georgia Harrison, welcome to How to Fail. Thank you. What a beautiful introduction. well thank you for everything that you have done for survivors like yourself it must have taken an enormous amount of courage and we will go into more detail on that but I wanted to ask you about that hope that you write about in the book how difficult has it been to hold on to that hope it has been really difficult but at the same time it's almost something that was naturally there like I've always been someone that's quite spiritual and I always believe that you can look out for signs and like happenings from the universe to sort of give you a message to let you know that you're supported and I just feel like even through like the toughest of times during this whole process I just always had this underlying faith and belief in like karma and the law of the universe and that sort of everything happens for a reason and if I just stayed strong and like held my faith, everything eventually was going to turn around and one day make sense.

3:51And definitely that's the stage that we're at now. Do you think that in a way it's part of your purpose to fight this fight, that this is the reason it happened? Yeah, I think at first I used to think like, why has this happened to me? And I would like go through all of the steps and like wonder if I deserved it to happen. I think that's just a natural way of thinking. but when I look at it in a bigger picture now and I when I look at the statistics of change and how many more people are now contacting image-based sexual abuse charities how many more people are contacting the police for help and just how widely spoken about my case has been I genuinely look at it in a way as if it hadn't happened to me it probably would have gone on to affect hundreds more people but I feel like by it happening to me it not only opened a conversation to help prevent it happening to others but it's also made a change in the law that was so greatly needed and if one person has to go through a bit of a struggle and pain and trauma to help change society and help protect so many people in the younger generation who my god need it right now then maybe that was my purpose yeah two years to get to trial and the verdict was delivered on your 28th birthday yeah were there moments during those two years where you just thought this is too hard I can't see it through yeah I think like some of the hardest parts was he was very very vocal on social media and he was doing a lot to sort of discredit me and I think the hardest thing was like not being able to retaliate or respond or stick up to myself and I think sometimes along the journey especially when the court case was getting moved and stuff like that I would think like have I made the right decision here like have I made the right decision if I didn't do this I could have just gone to the papers by now I could have done something on my social media I could have tried to defend myself just vocally and in that way maybe like I'd still be working with brands and I wouldn't be in such a tough position and I did wonder if I made the right choice at times or if like I was going to go through all of that and still potentially lose because obviously the conviction rates were so low but I just stayed strong and I've got such a good family support unit around me and it's weird like when something happens to you you know you're angry and you're upset or whatever but when something happens to a family member I think like my mum for instance she just felt so passionately about me being strong and carrying on through and my friends they were just like there's no way like you're ever letting him get away with this like you have to just hold tight and I think luckily because I had them I managed to stay strong throughout love your mum by the way because I watched that documentary as well as reading your book I watched the documentary on ITV and she is just a tower of strength and you have a very special relationship yeah because you're an only child is that right so I've got three brothers and sisters but they're my half brothers and sisters and the oldest one's 10 years younger than me so I'm like an only child and a sibling yes weirdly and I imagine that makes your relationship with your mum really special and unique and close yeah I'm her only daughter Yeah.

6:56Yeah. She seems amazing. Shout out to Georgia's mom. Yeah. I want to talk to you a bit about impact, the impact that this image based sexual abuse has had on you. You have compared recovery from it to grieving. Yeah. What do you mean by that? immediately when you first find out you're obviously devastated but then I think you think that you've processed it and you think everything's okay and then suddenly you'll just come over in huge waves of like upset and like feelings of like you know I think sometimes you blame yourself and you also look at yourself as slightly less valued as an individual because that's happened to you and it is just like grief because you know like when you lose someone you think I'm okay today I'm going to get up I'm going to go out I'm going to be fine and then suddenly something happens and it really just triggers you and you just completely and utterly break down and like you'll have days where you just want to lay in bed for like two days just to like it's almost like grieving a former version of yourself because once you've gone through image-based sexual abuse you aren't the same version of yourself your innocence gets taken away in many ways do you mind if I ask you for anyone who doesn't know the facts of the story how it happened so basically me and him hadn't been speaking for a long time I hadn't spoke to him for over a year because he'd actually really disrespected me to the point where you know most people probably would never speak to that individual again but we had a lot of history and he lived opposite me and we opened a conversation during the evening about maybe meeting up one night and then we didn't end up meeting and it went on to the next morning and he said why don't you just come over for a cup of tea like what's the worst that can happen so I ended up going over there for a cup of tea and me and him were getting on really well like it was just like old times and I think any girl can sort of relate like when you're with someone that you've been with in the past sometimes it can just feel natural and it flows so easily even though you know it's probably not great to be there and he basically said like would I come with him to get his car cleaned and then after we got the car clean just drove straight to a restaurant I was like right we're going for lunch but I was in my gym stuff and I wasn't really like prepared and I didn't really sign up for that because I didn't want to lose my sense of like self-control by drinking with him and I knew what it was going to lead to but still did it as you do and yeah so we ended up going for lunch we ended up drinking quite a lot we went back to his house and then he sort of said oh do you want to go play cards outside on the table in the garden and me and him have previously filmed together a tv show in namibia where we lived there for like eight weeks and we used to play this card game all the time so it was quite a nostalgic thing for him to suggest and like something i thought was quite sweet and the cards were already placed on the garden table outside so as soon as we started playing cards he sort of insinuated that we have sexual intercourse just like by his actions or whatever.

9:54And, you know, we then went on to have consensual intercals. He's someone I've sat with before. And, you know, to me, it wasn't a big deal. And although we were in a garden, it was a private garden. So, you know, bit risque for me, to be honest, to be having sex in a garden, but when in Rome. Yeah, so we had sex for about 20 minutes, and it was in the garden and in his kitchen. And he was sort of like maneuvering me in different positions across the garden and the kitchen. and to be honest it was better than usual and more dramatic but you know you're not thinking during the time of having sex and after I think it had been about like 40 minutes something like that he was like oh babe I've just realized I've got CCTV cameras in the garden and it might have got a bit of us having sex and I'm like you know if you're having sex in front of a camera that you own do you know what I mean don't act like you didn't mean for that to happen I was like I need to see it and that's when he went on to pull it up on the telly and like we didn't watch the whole thing but he went back he went back and you could see that the cameras were even like night vision there was like eight different screens so he scrolled through the nighttime footage but like even that was like you know I don't know how many people he has around that house who go into his garden he has parties there all the time I don't think anyone was aware at any time around his home he was they were being filmed and yeah it just sickened me a bit and then he went forward to the daytime and then basically showed me and I was still drunk and like you know at first I was upset but I wasn't in fear I felt like he'd done it for himself like I didn't for a second think I thought it was bad but I didn't ever think that he was going to do it to go on to put it on to like porn channels or to share it because at this stage he still had quite a successful career in television he was going somewhere to be honest like he was more famous than me he was someone I sort of saw as you would take the mick out of women but you wouldn't break the law in that sort of a way and he also wasn't a porn star at the time like he wasn't on OnlyFans he wasn't doing any of the stuff that he then went on to do so I just didn't think it was going to go any further than that and I warned him that you know if it did I would go to the police and I explained to him that it is revenge porn it's like a conversation we went on to have later that evening when he I basically saw him send it to someone later that evening and that's when I was like I grabbed his phone I was like what you've done so serious like you need to understand the implications of what will happen not only to me but to you if this goes any further and I really did feel like he understood but what I realize now is I wasn't dealing with a normal human being like I really don't think he's mentally all there I think he's a sociopath to be honest good for you for having the presence of mind say that to him yeah then and there yeah and what happens subsequently is that it was shared with lots of people then he did put it on only fans then you appealed to your instagram followers because you knew that it was happening but you needed evidence and you painstakingly built up this case then it gets a trial and the reason i'm asking you about this and i'm very aware that it's so sensitive and if at any point you want to stop and move on we absolutely can but because we're talking in a particular context where allegations have been made against russell brand and there's a lot spoken about how difficult it is for survivors of sexual abuse and sexual assault to be able to tell their stories and to be able to have faith in the system because often when it gets to trial and it's very rare that it does get to trial you are confronted with so much triggering stuff that you then have to trawl through and you had a similar experience didn't you what was the trial like what were they asking you to do I mean I think one of the hardest things I think there was like a decision made that the video wouldn't be shown in court which was obviously good for me because I didn't want to have to go through that but like they sort of brought me in and there was an evidence folder in front of me and then all of the jury had the same folder along with the judge and the barristers and they would be like go to like page four for instance and I would have to go to page four and it would be a picture of me having like sexual intercourse with him they would have to say you know can you confirm that this is you and I'd be like I confirm this is me then you'd have to turn the next page and it would be like another shot and another shot and another shot of all different times of me literally having sex when I genuinely thought that I was in a private space and no one could see me and I'm now having to go through these photos with members of the public that have been like randomly picked by the government and it was really really hard and it was really embarrassing and it made me feel like really ashamed of myself but I know like I shouldn't feel like that but That's just like a natural, that's the feeling that arose at the time.

14:38Although my conscious mind knows that I don't need to feel like that. But at the same time, if that's what you have to do to get a conviction, that's what you have to do. But I'm quite a confident individual. And I've got a previous experience of public speaking. And I've been exposed to having to do filming and stuff like that. So if someone like me found that really, really hard, which I did. and really like it did make me feel like I'd done something wrong. I can't imagine what it feels like to another woman who potentially is like shy, who's an introvert, who isn't used to going out and speaking to big rooms or big crowds.

15:17Like it must be so, so hard because I found it hard myself. Do you have trust issues now? I think so. Yeah. I think so, yeah. I think I do, yeah. how has conducting any relationship been in the aftermath it's been really hard like I did have one relationship since it happening which in a way was like a big big support to me but like actually at the end of our relationship one of the things he said when we were splitting up was like who would want to be of you anyway you've been all over the internet and I think that was like really really hard for me to hear like firstly from someone who'd made me rebuild my trust but secondly that's like my biggest fear that like men are now gonna be concerned about being with me in the future because this is something that could arise you know especially if you're going to have a family with me it's something that could come up in the future with our children and it does worry me that like people don't value me the same because of it and comments like that just sent me like really I didn't get out my bed for like two days if you ask my mum I'm so sorry yeah I also want to talk about your book, which is out today, 26th of October.

16:32And because you also reveal it's not just about this, although this is a massive part of it. And I found it completely fascinating to read about it from your perspective. It's also got a lot of wider subjects. And one of the things that you write about is the loss that you experienced over the last few years, both your best friend and your on-off boyfriend within seven months of each other I'm so sorry again that you went through that and I wonder if I could ask you a bit about how you've coped like how what have you learned about loss I've just learned that like you have to really dig deep and really just empower resilience when you come across something like that because it was just like the hardest feeling in the world and I think if you don't have a good support system around you when really bad things do happen then there's just no way that you're going to get through it it's all about getting through those first few weeks and first few months because time absolutely heals any sort of a loss and it always will but when you first go through something that painful your rational mind just completely and utterly dissipates and it's like you don't know what to think like the chemicals in your brain completely change your physical appearance changes everything just falls apart and you've got to really just be strong and have faith that things are going to get better and I think once I got through the first loss I knew the second time that I had the ability to do it again but I think the first time I was just like how am I ever going to carry on through this I read a lot about spiritual awakenings and I genuinely think that is what I had and they say that like one of the stages of a spiritual awakening is just everything completely and utterly falls apart and you can go through some really severe losses and life changes and then everything starts to gradually change and get better after that and I have to hold on to that faith because I think at first like my life's so good at the moment and I feel so on track and I feel in such a good place and when everything started getting better again at first I had a really intense fear that something bad was going to happen because I'd gone through consecutive losses in such a short period of time I found it hard to embrace being happy again yeah I guess it shakes your faith in the world because yeah the normal rules don't apply yeah and just as everything started to work out every time I just got put back on my ass and I was like what's gonna happen like once I finally rebuilt again after everything I was like what's coming yeah do you know what I mean yeah you know what I think I think your 20s have been sent to you to break you down and build you back up and make you this most extraordinary, evolved, resilient version of yourself.

19:14And your 30s, you're going to nail that. You're going to have an amazing time in your 30s. And anything like that in life gives you such a strong feeling of compassion for other individuals. And I think that's one thing you can take from if you have had a bit of a hard life, if anyone listening has gone through tough times. I bet now when you look at other people and they're lashing out or they're angry or sad or they're acting in a way that they shouldn't really be socially. You can look at them and have such strong compassion because when you've gone through all of those emotions yourself and you've felt the lowest of the low, you can really see how and why other human beings act the way they do, I think.

19:50Do you have compassion for Stephen Baird? Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. I think he's a really, really lost soul and I think his family should have got him help a long time ago and he wouldn't be where he is now if they took their relevant steps to take him to his GP. and take him quite frankly to a mental institution I think. Are you scared about him being released? Weirdly like I feel I've moved back to my flat in Loughton which is where we both used to live and like for the first time in a long time like I walked down the street without any fear and it's not that I ever feared he would attack me I'll just fear his presence in general like him driving past having to see him but I don't fear that he will try and do anything to hurt me in general if anything I think I just worry for his own mental health and safety I don't know I don't know what he's going to do with his life now because he's just gone so far beyond helping.

20:44Let's get on to your first failure your first failure is not taking the time to understand your ADHD sooner yeah so take us back to young Georgia who is at school her early teenage years did you have issues focusing was that how your ADHD manifested itself although you didn't have the label for it then I mean issues is an understanding all of the teachers always said I was so intelligent like especially at a younger age I would be in the top sets for everything always set to get like A's and A's stars but my focus was just all over the place I literally just could not concentrate unless I really really decided I wanted to I just couldn't and I was always just a class clown I was always a joker I was always speaking when I shouldn't always interrupting and like I was really demonized for that as a child you know I was really like told that I was just a bad kid and I was just naughty and you know that was the word but like when I look back now and I still do it now in certain social situations it isn't that I'm naughty it isn't that I'm being rude it's that my ADHD and my brain is just wired slightly differently that I don't feel to myself in certain social situations and I might speak when I shouldn't or I might trail off halfway through and talk about something that has absolutely nothing to do with what we're saying but that isn't because I'm intentionally trying to disturb anyone or interrupt anyone it's literally just part of ADHD.

22:09So what was your journey to an ADHD diagnosis? It wasn't until just after lockdown and I think like I was just struggling so hard to organize my life it was like I would start one task and then halfway through I'd go into another and another and another and everything was just always halfway done and I was like I just can't cope with it anymore like it's definitely not normal and I think ADHD was starting to get spoken about a lot more so it was a bit like yeah like I've always said I probably got it but let's just go see someone and have a conversation about it and I went to see a psychiatrist who said I did have ADHD.

22:46And at first I went on medication for it, which I did find really helpful. I would get quite a lot done on it, but I just felt like I'd had like 50 cups of coffee all the time. And I think for some people it's good for them. But for me, I ended up coming off of the medication and then educating myself on what I can do like holistically just to deal with it. And it's just really little things like having ADHD. It's like, you've got a second mind that you have to keep busy there's like a kid in your head and sometimes you just gotta throw him a rubber ball and I find like for instance if I want to clean up everything in my house if I put on a podcast or I put on music or just put in work music or even ADHD music on YouTube if I then have that on I will concentrate and I will just do everything that I need to do because my brain's being kept entertained with what it's listening to and also doing the task at hand it doesn't have space to be distracted by anything else and it's so weird how much that small tool has really helped me like implement getting tasks done in my day-to-day life and then meditation as well has really really helped me so when you say that it was a failure in terms of you wishing you'd understood it sooner what do you mean by that how do you think it would have changed i think if i've been diagnosed with it from a young age then i could have got help with like understanding why I act the way I act.

24:06And then I probably could have been given tools to implement being a bit better in class or maybe the school could have given me opportunities to work slightly differently because my brain was wired differently to other children. There was probably things that I could have done that would have helped me concentrate more. Maybe even at times just being in a separate room completely or just anything to understand it because instead of like working with myself, working on myself and working on ways to become a better version of myself, I felt like there was something wrong with me and I felt like I was a bad person and you know that I didn't really understand why I made so many mistakes all the time why was I always losing things why was I always forgetting things it was like I sort of felt like I was bad compared to other children when really I wasn't I just was wired differently do you think you would have stayed on at school I don't know I don't know because I find it interesting what you're saying and you're clearly such an intelligent person and the way that you express yourself with just no hesitation no repetition is so impressive and the fact that you have this double brain as you express it which is such a good comparison to use I imagine made you into such a great PA because that's what you were because there's so many tasks to keep your brain occupied yeah yeah no honestly I actually can't believe I was a PA for as long as I was but it's like yeah it did at times but like I also see ADHD as a definite positive and I think so many people have to realize like you can have the ability if you want to to hyper focus on something and really really excel in it and like if I want to do something like the marathon for instance or I've done an MMA fight like if I set my mind on something I will give it my all and I will hyper focus on it and that is like a tool that people with ADHD do have so it's understanding like what positives come from the condition and what negatives come and just figuring out how to deal with them and once you sort of understand yourself you can use it as a powerful tool as well how do you think it affected your love island experience because I read somewhere that you found love island quite relaxing because there were fewer distractions yeah I just love it any tv show where they take away my phone I'm just so happy.

26:23Like I love not having to worry about anything, having to organise anything, having to manage anything. And I think my Love Island experience was really good. But I think that's also because no one else there has anything to do. So it doesn't matter if I come in with like some random, distractive noise or roly-poly or whatever, like it's fine. I'm also intrigued because I am a huge consumer of reality TV myself. I'm a big fan. Why does anyone? I wear it proudly because I think it teaches us about the human condition if I want to be really pretentious but I really do think that I always want to know from someone who's experienced what that's like from inside with multiple different versions of it what do you think it taught you I always said like people were like oh what if you go on and like people don't like you or it all sort of goes wrong and I always looked at reality tv as like a good way to like define my own character and I always said look if I go on there and I come across really well and people like me then that's brilliant and I do think that's what will happen but if I was ever to sort of do or say something that the British public were like you know that that was out of order you shouldn't act in that way then what a great opportunity to learn something about myself and my own character and sort of adjust myself in accordance to that and I think anyone going on reality tv look unless you're a really evil really bad person just shouldn't take things too seriously and should sort of take it as a way to really see themselves for who they truly are because no one really knows themselves until they watch themselves back that's very courageous of you yeah and to do it like multiple times as well because i think the thing that strikes me when i interview people who've been on reality tv is that they have had to from often from quite a young age name their emotions they've had to put their emotions and their feelings and their thought processes into words yeah for the cameras and actually that's a form of enlightenment in a way yeah yeah yeah it is it can be really freeing I just think it's so much fun I think it's such a good way to communicate with people as well like without any technology like just to really like build bonds with each other and I think that's why Love Island's so successful because you don't have any distractions and you really do just get to bond with individuals and get to know them and just do what normal humans were meant to do what did you like about yourself and what did you dislike about yourself when you watched yourself back for the first time I think I like my humor I'm always part of the storyline because I'm quite a compassionate individual so I can always be there to help other people and sometimes I just think just shut up like if I'm thinking about what I don't like about myself it's like if I'm talking too much and I just want to just crawl in the camera and just go just shut up like put a pin in it to be fair it makes you a dream interview either so I'm very angry about that how does that idea that you get to know yourself better and if there is a flaw in your character that you perceive you change it how has that helped you now deal with online trolls i've always had like a really thick skin like i think growing up i came from like an East End family.

29:40I had loads of cousins. So I don't know, I was used to sort of taking things on the chin in terms of banter. So I think that's what made me a decent candidate for reality TV. Because I think if you're someone who is sensitive, you absolutely should not do it. And I think we've seen in the past that people can crash and burn if they are of a sensitive nature. So I was always built quite well for it. But I've definitely had to accommodate to trolling. And I've to understand that actually all trolls are are lost individuals who have been hurt in some way in their past who are insecure who are going through some sort of a trauma and by watching you are triggered they're triggered themselves and I genuinely see anything that a troll says about me just as someone that I should feel sorry for someone who's a lost on individual and someone who's expressing themselves in a way that doesn't make me look bad it only makes them look bad do you engage with them or do you tend to no like who can be asked like even when i was in the meeting in downing street the other day we was talking about it and a couple of the girls like you know we've all snapped back before and i'm like i've genuinely not like i don't want to engage in it i can't be bothered and like you're fighting a losing battle like you're not arguing with a sane person you can't argue with these people because whatever they say no whatever you say isn't going to make sense and the more you comment to them the more they thrive off it and the worse their comment's going to get so what's the point what do you think the hardest thing is about being a woman in the public eye probably the comments in the daily mouth section like honestly they are horrific i don't read them anymore like i used to for a laugh back in the day but yeah you can just come under a lot of scrutiny and especially since everything's happened with me like if I put on like a picture or a video in like a bikini or like underwear like I used to like I will get ripped to shreds like how dare she say that she's a victim of image-based sexual abuse but she's happy to be like pictured in her bikini or whatever and it's like something like that being in the public eye can be really distressing because it makes me feel like I need to censor myself as a human being whereas I never felt like that in the past and like I'll have like a picture and I think oh like if I put that up am I going to get judged or I'll put on an outfit now and I'll be more nervous to wear it because I'm scared that people are going to say like I deserved to be a victim of image-based sexual abuse and it's ridiculous but it's definitely something that I'm having to deal with quite a lot.

32:07What is your response to that ludicrous accusation? Like I know it's ridiculous and I know it's wrong so I don't really respond to it but it definitely makes me like second guess my actions more whereas when I was younger I would have just gone out done what I wanted been carefree now I'm a bit like oh can I do this like like am I going to be judged for this yeah but I'm guessing sorry that your response would be the two things are completely disconnected they're not connected my response would be it comes down to consent yes everything's about consent like at the end of the day and I never consented to that footage being filmed or distributed but I do consent to a photo of myself in my underwear and even if I was butt naked that doesn't matter that's up to me you know it's not what I like to do but if I wanted to that is up to me and that's why like it all does come down to consent and I just done like the you before yes campaign with super drug and it was all about just like teaching women about consent and how yeah that's completely what it boils down to and I don't think I didn't notice the casual mention of number 10 downing street there what's that like what's it like walking into number 10 downing street and knowing that you're there as one of the most high profile shape-shifting campaigners of our time really like what's that feel like just like if you googled like the definition of imposter syndrome that's what it feels like like it just feels like it feels amazing like it feels like such an honor and like I've always wanted to be someone that can help do good things in the world and can be like an activist for change it's something I've always written down in my manifestations I want to help inspire people and make a positive difference in the world and it's like even though it came from a bad situation that is what I'm doing now so to walk into Downing Street was just such an honor and to be part of a change for the younger a generation it's just yeah also that that's somewhere where they take your phone away don't they so you probably really love it you're like oh this reminds me of the love island villa yeah there's a few places in the world they've took my phone away chris brown's house parties the love island villa and downing street oh my gosh okay that is genius that's going to be the trailer for this episode that's a very strange mix isn't it but that's where that's where we've been want to know about chris brown's parties but well maybe not for this podcast episode what was the kia starmer like keir starmer's brilliant brilliant and look he's really really passionate about curbing violence against women and girls and he really does believe the labor party are actively going to do that so you know i keep my political views to myself but anyone who's looking to make a change willing to open up conversations and is standing next to yvette cooper is good for me would you ever go into politics so many people say this i think i'm better off as a campaigner I wouldn't want to stand by a specific party and end up getting into the really confrontational side of politics, to be honest.

35:06But I'll always be someone that does campaign in the future. And I would like to build a good relationship with any of the main parties within the UK. Alex Chalk was sort of saying this to me when we made the amendment that I've become this window for women in the British public to politics. So I've become like a voice for all of these women, which is really, really strange and really overwhelming. but it's something that I can't deny. So because of what's happened to me, women reach out to me with all different sorts of subjects. They don't even just range from image-based sexual abuse now. They're just from all sorts to do with violence against women and girls.

35:42And he was like, we really want to have a strong relationship with you in the future so we can understand what's happening with women in general. And I'm like, I don't even know how this has happened, but it's now me that actually can read that, collate it, and now go on to voice it to government officials. your second failure and there's no easy seamless link here because your second failure is failing to become a puppeteer tell us that story georgia so i just wanted to throw a fun one i know i'm so glad you did it's brilliant yeah i think it's nice to lighten the mood and the main reason i brought this one up is because like i'm such a strong believer that like the only true failure in life is failing to give something could go if you try and do something that you've never done before you'll either succeed or you won't do that well and you'll learn from it you know no one who is successful at anything was good the first time like you have to be bad at something to ever get good at something so this time I was on my way back from Vegas and I was extremely hung over and a friend messages me and they're like look there's like this audition thing in LA and I'm like oh I'm in LA it's exciting and they really want to meet you they've seen you on Instagram they think you're really funny and they think you'd be great for this role they said it was like a gen z sesame street thing right so i'm obviously thinking it's just like a comedian thing and i thought do you know what what's the worst that can happen you throw enough things against the wall something's gonna stick i'll go to the audition you never know i might walk out of there and like become something or i might meet someone who is like you know you're not for this but further down the line we think you'd be great for this production so i walked in the audition and i sat down on a chair and it was almost like the old style x factor so it was four people sitting on desks and me on this chair with like a light on me and they're like hello nice to meet you I'm like hello it was all very like overwhelming and then they bring out this big puppet and they're like so you know how long have you been puppeteering for and I'm like honestly like I've never like that's a bit weird like it's not for me like learning to puppet on Wednesday like I'm sure it is for some people but it's just I've never done it I've never had my hands in a puppet ever so they're like you know you're here now why don't you just give it a go and I just thought I'll go on then and they stuck it on me and I was like all its head was all like that and it was all like it looked like it was gonna fall apart and they were I was like what do you want me to do and they were like why don't you just sing a song so I started singing hey hey baby with this puppet on and I'd done literally a whole two minutes of this entire song with the puppet like dancing around with it and then once I finished the whole room didn't speak for at least 30 seconds I didn't speak they didn't speak the puppet looked like it had a stroke and you literally could have heard a pin drop and at the end of it they just went well we've never seen anything like that before um thank you for your time and I just walked out absolutely cracking up and I just thought that's the funniest thing that's ever happened to me in my life I can't even believe I've done that and I messaged them after to say like could I use the content for my TikTok because I I failed so miserably and I think they said it'd be bad for the brand but the point is like just who cares do you know what I mean like life is so short and like one day when you get to the end of your lifespan you're not going to care when you made a fool of yourself in fact you're going to wish you'd made a fool of yourself a little bit more so like always just go for things and like you'll have a funny story to tell if you do embarrass yourself exactly that yeah are you someone who believes in regret like is there anything that you regret because that's often kind of connected isn't it that yeah but no no I think all individuals always make decisions based on what they think is right based on where they are at consciously like I think all human beings are on different scales of consciousness and they're they're continually evolving and you can't blame a past version of yourself for anything because that was a different version of you a different level of you doing what they thought was right at the time so you can't regret anything because it's all just shaping you to be the person you are today that's very wise thanks how did you learn that or how did you i just love self-help books yeah what's your favorite one so i love the magic by rhonda burn i can never say her name properly but she done the secret didn't she but the magic is like a 28 day task so for 28 days you do a different task and it's all about embodying the power of gratitude and like just really giving out love and gratitude to human beings throughout your day and it really changed the way that I hold myself in society and the way it changed the vibration that I give off completely and every time I've ever done it the whole way through I genuinely believe I manifested so much from implementing that and it's only 10 minutes a day have you done conventional therapy what oh just like normal therapy yeah I have yeah I don't like I don't love it like I always just like cry the whole way through and I've been doing havening recently have you heard of havening yes but I don't know what it is it's to do with like cognitive therapy and and like they'll basically make you think of certain things and do certain eye movements and it's all about like the science of rewiring trauma patterns in your brain so I do have someone called Rob Brennan and what he was basically explaining to me and this is something that's been so important and so helpful in my life is like, say I was walking down the street and I got attacked by someone, viciously attacked.

41:04And just before it happened, a blue car drove past me, right? If I'm then walking down the street 10 years later and a blue car drives past me, I won't even notice the blue car. I won't even know it went past, but I will suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety. And it will make no sense to me because I'm having a great day. I could have just won the lottery. Suddenly my whole persona will change. And that is my brain reacting to a trauma pattern that has been installed in me to try and protect myself in the future so havening's all about trying to access what trauma patterns you do have and reposition how you look at them so like you'll look at it and just you'll just rewrite what happens so your brain isn't so traumatized by it in the future and it's really helped me and weirdly sorry to go into a spill fascinating I said to my mum the other day I've been going to the gym recently and I've been feeling great but after everything first happened like even like losing my friend and stuff I think affected me I couldn't go to the gym I had overwhelming anxiety and I didn't allow myself to accept that it was because of the situation I'd gone through because I think I was just trying to tell myself that it hadn't affected me and I just couldn't go in the gym if I did like I had this awful feeling of like everyone's looking at me like I literally would over examine everything that I'd done because I thought the whole room was like staring at me it was weird and a lot of the time I'd feel like I had to leave or I just always feel really strange and ever since I've been doing havening I've been going to the gym absolutely fine and I've really overcome my anxiety and I know I've come so far along the process of that and it's just gone but I don't think it was until that feeling lifted that I've actually managed to acknowledge just how intense it was when you mentioned your friend there is this your friend Cenk is that or Cenk Jake yeah everyone calls him Senk but it's Jake.

42:54Okay tell us about him. He was just the most amazing most empowering soul you've ever met just anyone who ever met him just absolutely loved him he was my best friend from the age of 12 he literally lived behind me and like every day his little head would pop up like at my living room window with a new strange snack that he wanted to make me eat and he basically went on to get leukemia at the age of 19 and it was such an awful experience for us and he got chemo and he did overcome it and he managed to fight it off until the age of 26 he went through all sorts of different treatments he had chemo he had car t therapy and he had a bone marrow transplant all of which put so much time on his life and his bone maritransplant may I just say gave him five years so I'm a big believer in signing up to DKMS and going on the donor register for that because it really does save lives but yeah unfortunately we lost him at the age of 26 and I think losing him really made me just want to live my life so much more because he was such a carefree loving grateful happy individual anywhere he went he made the best of every moment and he made people feel so good about themselves and watching him someone who appreciated life so much lose their life makes me want to make the most of every moment more in mind the way he did I'm so sorry Georgia thank you did you get a chance to say goodbye I did yeah he FaceTimed me when he was getting really ill and to be honest up until the day he died he was in denial of the fact that he was going to die and in a way I think maybe that's better but we were too because he just told everyone he was going to be fine and where he'd overcome it so many times I think we just believed he was going to do it again but he rang me a couple of weeks before he did die and he was just really emotional and he was just saying like I love you so much Georgia and I just I knew he was saying goodbye to me and I think that was the first time I realized that we was actually going to lose him but I'm still so grateful to have got that opportunity and before he passed we raised like 60 000 pounds in his name to help go towards treatments for himself but obviously he passed before they had the ability to do that so now his family have opened something called the fiery foundation with the money that they raised and they're going on to help children who have teenage cancer basically just live a nicer life in between because you know i tell you what that boy might have been sick but anytime he had the chance he really did live his life in between and I think for a lot of people out there that are suffering with leukemia hopefully they will overcome it but for some of them you don't know how long their lifespan is going to be and it's so important that they get to do the things they want to do and enjoy life and have the money and the ability to really do that in between their treatments I think I'm really glad we've spoken about him yeah me too thank you seven months after Jake McLean, your on-off boyfriend, died in a car accident.

46:04Yeah. And I wonder, you mentioned that you are spiritual. Yeah. Has that helped you come to terms with those two very shocking and very different deaths? Do you believe that in some capacity their souls are still around you? Yeah. Like, I like to believe that souls come to this earth with a purpose and sometimes it doesn't make sense but I believe we live multiple lives I know it sounds silly and I think each time we come to this earth to learn a different lesson or to teach other people a different lesson and sometimes things can be unfair and they can't make sense but in the grand scheme of things they do and I definitely feel Jake's energy and Jenk's energy and I can really differentiate between the two and like sometimes I don't know if it's just my brain but I can just sense things that they would say or do or Jake was just such a fun loving amazing individual and he used to make me feel so empowered and so good about myself and like sometimes I will if I'm feeling a bit nervous or I'm walking into a situation where I'm feeling uneasy or anxious I'll like call on the energy of like how I feel when I'm with him and I would feel safe I'd feel empowered I'd feel a better version of myself and I can sort of tap into that energy now he's gone it's really weird and almost like call it on from him and I'll never fully make sense of why them two had to have such a huge impact on my life and depart it so quickly I don't think it will ever fully make sense but I've definitely learned to live with it and I've definitely learned to use their memory as a tool to make myself stronger more grateful and just a better version of myself like I do it for them now as well that I do it for them did you call on that energy during the court case yeah definitely I definitely did with Jenk as well like Jenk and Jake were very vocal about their feelings towards Stephen Bear and they were just absolutely like disgusted by what he'd done especially Jake being someone that was my only long-term partner like he reached out to me like just after it happened and he was just horrified because he knew that I wasn't someone that would even take pictures or videos in a relationship that I feel comfortable in because I've just always been scared of like the cloud like I've just always been a paranoid person it's something I wouldn't even have done with him so it was really refreshing getting to speak to him about it before he passed because I knew he was the one person in the world that actually knew me and knew that I 100 % would never have allowed myself to be in a situation like that and I definitely called on the energy of strength from both of them when I went in there and I know they would have been so proud of me but there was a point where I wasn't sure if I would even be able to walk into that courtroom because it was so soon after Jake's death but we got there you did it yeah your third and final failure relates to that and it's such an interesting one and you explained it so eloquently in this email to me and it's failing to avoid being part of the porn industry tell us about that so for me I've got friends that are on subscription platforms that in the porn industry and I 100 % do not judge them like I think each to your own like whatever makes you happy but I've always had like this carrot down good in front of me consistently of if you go on these subscription platforms you could be making 80 grand a month look at all of these other girls with less followers than you look at the money they're making all they're doing is just they're only in their underwear do you know what I mean and a lot of my friends who are on there they are literally in like bikinis like slapping their bum and water on the side of the pool or something like that.

49:44Something that doesn't seem really that big of a deal when you're making enough to literally like buy a property every six months, right? But it was not my path. It wasn't what sat right with me. It wasn't what feels right for me. I never wanted to receive money for someone getting sexual gratification. And I always wanted to be a presenter and be taken seriously. So no matter how tempting it's been looking at those figures, and then looking at my bank account to not do that and not take those steps. I've always just held myself back from that and thought, no, I'm going to look at the bigger picture.

50:21I'm going to be strong and I'm going to look at my 10-year plan of like, not just the businesswoman I want to be, but the wife I want to be and the mother I want to be one day. And by getting put on these subscription platforms without my permission, and not just those on porn platforms across the UK, that right was taken away from me. And I've now been put in this position where I have a stigma across my name and certain brands and certain companies do not want to work with me and never will do because I am officially part of the porn industry. And that was never my right. So I've now not only got the stigma, but I still don't have the money.

51:00So I ended up in like some position in between where it just felt so unfair. And like, yeah, that decision was taken away from me. because you lost work didn't you when all of this happened with Stephen Bear how did that come about you just suddenly what were you doing for for work and why did you lose it so I was doing loads of brand deals I was really quite successful on Instagram I was working with lots of large underwear brands and just I was making a good amount of money to be honest in the lead up to it and all of them were on different bases but the majority of them weren't on ongoing contracts so they would just come in as they did but I had great relationships and as soon as it happened like I think we actually had to print out like the difference in my account for the sake of like my civil proceedings and stuff like that like if you looked at the earnings I was making before and after the situation arose it literally dropped dramatically almost every single brand dropped me apart from woo woo who came in to make me their brand ambassador shout out to them because I don't know how I would have got through that year without them but every single brand that used to work with me did drop me and none of them officially said it's because of the tape but my agent at the time had conversations with brands that she had good relationships with and they sort of notified her that because of the stigma around me especially at the time where I didn't have my voice so for all they knew I could well have been involved in this video like they don't want to invest in someone who a couple of months down the line is going to come out as you know a liar or someone who was making sex tapes.

52:33It was just too much of a red flag for them. And like, there's so many other influencers who are exactly the same as me, who have just come off Love Island, who have the same amount of followers, who do the same thing, who aren't a flight risk. So why bother going with me? And yeah, it was hard as well because so many of them obviously wouldn't vocally admit that that was why because they didn't want to be involved to someone who also dropped a victim. but yeah if you look at it from that two years absolutely everyone dropped me apart from woo woo and even now I'm still not back on track with half the brands that I used to be are you angry I mean there were times where I was so angry yeah now like now I'm not because now I honestly just I feel great and I feel I'm the universe is blessing me with so many opportunities in completely different sectors and I'm succeeding in ways I never dreamed possible but over them in two years there was times where I just felt like it was just so unfair and I couldn't believe that people would act that way but then also I'm not allowed to talk about it so I can't exactly even get on my Instagram and be like you know yeah why none of you working with me yes and also it's all happening during the pandemic when yeah the entire world felt unhinged in so many ways and so it's strangely during the pandemic influencers were doing quite well because suddenly people had nothing better to do than buy products or look at our pages yeah what do you think I mean I completely get what you do and there'll be some people listening to this podcast who are like I don't really understand the world of influencing and it seems really superficial and like not a proper job and I'm sure you're sick of hearing that but what what would you say to people about that opinion that is such a troll comment like get a job oh funnily enough I've got one I've been working since 6am yeah I would just say that it's actually a lot harder than anyone would think and it's not just about like I don't know taking a bit of money to go promote shampoo like you actually have to actively engage with your followers on an ongoing basis or you will become irrelevant and you have to remember that your followers aren't a number they're an individual who are investing in you who are investing their time in you and their trust in you like it's an ongoing job like you have to be constantly thinking of new content you have to be constantly thinking of what are they going to like to see and then you go out and you have to do photo shoots you have to do intense amounts of research across all different platforms to see what's trending to see what's going to do well I then have to listen to algorithm podcasts and YouTube all the time about how the algorithm is changing like I have to study like the changes within Instagram TikTok what I can use to implement it and make my following stay strong and if I don't do that then my engagement just drops and you do become irrelevant so it's an ongoing thing but it's also something that comes with a large responsibility and I think when you do get to a level of having like millions of followers you have to remember that they are humans and they are people that care about you invest in you and make sure you're promoting the right things to them and you're doing right by them as they're doing right by you and I think it starts with knowing yourself which is a lifelong process actually to be able to bring that authenticity to bed everything that you do it's a lot of pressure it's a lot of pressure but also i think instagram and social media in general are going down quite a nice route where people are really being praised for their authenticity and their flaws and like people are going for more relatable content now like they don't want to see this supermodel looking amazing on a sunbed somewhere in Mykonos like they want to see someone that reminds them of them and makes them feel good about their traits and their personality defects and their imperfections because we've all got them do you know what I mean and suddenly social media is actually doing quite a good job of highlighting that nobody's perfect and you know if they were then they probably spent a lot of money getting there yeah they probably airbrushed themselves yeah just going back to havening for a moment that idea of being triggered by the blue car and not understanding that that's what's triggering you I wonder in that context how you feel about cameras because cameras have been so much part of your professional life whether it be on reality tv or as an influencer we're filming this podcast and cameras have been part of the most traumatic part of your life I know it sounds weird but it depends on my relationship with the camera and that comes down to consent as well because it's funny you bring that up but it was years ago I was in LA a bit after this happened and it was just such a silly thing but like we come back to go get in our car and our car had been blocked in me and the girls this guy we was like basically arguing with the guy to like move his car or whatever they were anyway and it was getting a bit of an intense heated argument we wanted to get out he was trying to prove a point and then he started filming us in the argument and I really was triggered like I had like close to a panic attack I would say and I really really just like became overwhelmed with emotion I was crying I couldn't catch my breath and I like I didn't know the girls that well either but I think they knew what I'd been through then the guy eventually let us out and we had to go down the road and I had to really be calmed down and everyone was like god like I know the argument was sort of getting a bit intense like why did you react in such a overwhelming way and I was like I actually don't know like I was a bit embarrassed about how I completely lost my shit to be honest can I swear yes oh my god I encourage swearing how I completely and utterly just lost my shit it wasn't until I got home and we calmed down and I processed what happened that I realized that because the guy filmed me without my permission it really triggered a very overwhelming response within me but then like I can be here on a camera and be fine I can be on a television and camera and be fine but there's obviously something inside of me a bit like that blue car thing where if someone films me where I don't feel like they should be it causes a really intense emotional reaction within my nervous system something that I couldn't even control and it's not happened again since and it was right after the situation had happened so I like to think that wouldn't happen again but it was a strange incident and it was definitely a trauma response Yeah.

58:46If you could go back in time and speak to that Georgia of three years ago, what would you say to her? I do it all the time. I like really believe in like past, they do like past life regression meditations. I saw something really weird on Instagram the other day and it really freaked me out. And it was like, it basically said, what if every time that you had a feeling or a glimmer of hope that everything was going to be OK, it's really your future self visiting you to tell you it's going to be okay and that really tripped me out because I actually always do it and I always go back to her and I just tell her that she has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and everything's going to be okay and that one day everything that's happening to you right now is going to make sense and you are going to be so proud of yourself and you're going to get the last laugh so just finish that glass of wine go through that laugh box of tissues and do what you've got to do now to get through it because trust me it's all going to work out for you and is that the same advice that you would give anyone listening to this who is potentially experiencing something that you went through or similar yeah sort of experience and they're not sure what to do and they don't know if they're brave enough to tell anyone what has happened to them yeah just look you've got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and you've also got every right to keep the situation to yourself if that's what you feel was best but I genuinely think it's the discussions that I've had with other people whether that be a friend whether that be a professional at the RP helpline or you know whether that just be on a forum for other victims of image-based sexual abuse it's really helped me understand that I've got nothing to be ashamed of and process my feelings and look at it in a different way and if you don't have those conversations you can really reframe what happens in your mind and you can blame yourself and you can beat yourself up about it and it's just so important to have these discussions with someone just one trusted friend or one individual and sometimes there are also steps you're going to have to take to prevent this image going any further or it's circulating anymore and absolutely like the best thing to do is reach out to someone for help and the revenge porn helpline are absolutely amazing they're government funded they're wizards in my opinion and they've managed to get down content for me that completely I never thought I would be able to get down from platforms that have just ignored me in every way shape or form they've managed to get through to them and they've also managed to just give me so much help on processing everything I'll put a link to that in the show notes that's a great resource thank you for sharing it final question Georgia Harrison your book is called taking back my power how did that phrase first come to you we was going back and forth about it in the whatsapp group actually and a guy called oscar who's working on the production of my book suggested it it was taking back your power i think is what he suggested and then i was just like i absolutely love it like i feel like this whole journey has been about resilience and taking back your power and using your voice and being a strong person and then we didn't want it to become too self-help-y so then we were like do you know what it's taking back my power and literally that is what this whole journey has been about it's been about taking back my power and realizing that this is my body my consent and absolutely that the power is in my hands and it is for any individual out there listening or reading.

1:02:13Georgia Harrison thank you for bringing your powerful self to the How to Fail studio. I am so grateful to you for everything you've done and for coming on How to Fail. Thank you. It's just, it's been such an honour to be on, isn't it?

1:02:32If you enjoyed this episode of How to Fail with Elizabeth Day, I would so appreciate it if you could rate, review and subscribe. Apparently, it helps other people know that we exist.