Toni Laites - Love Island Healed My Toxic Dating Patterns

15:36Elizabeth Day:A bit of confidence, honestly, because for me personally, I wouldn't really leave the house without makeup. I was a full glam girl to go anywhere, not being on TV. But then after the show, I realized people have seen me in every form. They've seen me wake up in the morning with no makeup on. They've seen me crying. They've seen me angry. They've seen me with a full face. They've seen me before bed with spot patches on. So afterwards, I can remain the same. I post without makeup. I go in public without makeup and take pictures with millions of strangers. So that's something I really found value in that I never would have imagined would come from the show.

16:16Elizabeth Day:Yes. That's so great to hear. Yeah. Have you watched it back? No. Would you ever? I think eventually down the line. Cash always tells me that I should watch it to see like why people loved me so much because sometimes I forget that. But I haven't seen it. I've seen clips on TikTok and everything, of course, but those are just highlight moments.

16:39Toni Laites:Your first failure is about ignoring your health. Tell us a little bit about this. So when I was 17, it was kind of like a hectic time in my life.

16:51Elizabeth Day:I was obviously going what we call high school in America. I was playing sports. I had two jobs. And I had this boyfriend who I didn't have the best relationship with. And I think it was the most stressful time of my life. At least I thought it was when I was 17. I think all 17 year old girls think that's the most stressful time of your life. You have no idea. By the way, it gets worse. But I was just piling on stress to my life. And then it started to reflect in my health. And I had all of these like gastric symptoms, stomach pains every day, throwing up, not being able to eat, more TMI ones that I don't really want to talk about.

17:29Elizabeth Day:But I was just pretending that I was okay and going on about my life. And I remember I went to a music festival in Miami with one of my friends and I passed out in the crowd. And I just got up and acted like everything was fine. And it wasn't until I came home from that weekend that I told my mom, like, I need to go to the hospital. Something is not right. And it ended up leaving me in the hospital for two weeks when I was finally diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. But it was like such a low, low point. And I think it not could have been avoided. My chronic illness is unavoidable. It was coming for me regardless but I let it get way way way too bad and why do you think you let it

18:12Toni Laites:get that bad was it that you felt that you were making something up or that you were making too big a deal of it or that you weren't taken seriously when you were trying to express it

18:22Elizabeth Day:I didn't express it okay that was the problem I think it kind of relates to the reason why I was nervous today once you acknowledge a failure it's real I just wanted to pretend like I was fine I wanted to go to prom I was getting ready to go to college like all of these really really exciting things were happening in my life I don't have time to be sitting in a hospital bed yeah I was young I was cool I was popular I'm bleeding you know yes like I couldn't get out

18:50Toni Laites:of bed you poor thing yeah so those two weeks in hospital what were they like probably one of the

18:59Elizabeth Day:lowest points of my life. Like I ended up getting a horrible infection in the hospital so no one could come see me. Even the people working in the hospital had to come see me in like hazmat suits so it wouldn't spread to them. And again, this was my senior year of high school. This is the most exciting time of your life. It's graduation time. It's prom time. It's all the fun stuff. I just went to high school for four years and this is the time you look forward to. and I couldn't take part in it. I was so, so sick. I was losing weight. I didn't look like myself anymore. I couldn't see my friends.

19:35Elizabeth Day:I was weak. Like I had a blood transfusion. Wow. I was in so much pain every single day. I thought it would never end. Did you go to prom? I made it to prom. Okay. So actually, this is the interesting part about this. And this is why the whole entire world knows that I have UC. Prior to the show, if you Googled me, the only thing that would come up is my story of me going to prom because it made the Connecticut local news. The Children's Hospital in Connecticut made this huge plan for me to get ready for prom in the hospital. They allowed me to go to prom and then I had to go back to the hospital.

20:14Toni Laites:Oh my goodness.

20:15Elizabeth Day:I wasn't famous. I was famous in Connecticut for being sick. but like so now everyone knew when I was on the show everyone knew that I had ulcerative colitis did you go with that disappointing boyfriend no he was actually older than me okay and so that was like he was a lot of the reason for my stress he lived two hours away from me and I would lie to my parents and say that I was going to work but I was really driving to his place two hours away and the only reason why they caught me is because I crashed my car in the snowstorm okay so it was a culmination of all of these things. I was ignoring my feelings, stressing myself out, and it ultimately, it made you sick.

20:55Elizabeth Day:Like, no one else in my family has ulcerative colitis. People say it could be hereditary, but a common theme with all the reports I've read is stress. Okay.

21:07Toni Laites:So for the ignorant among us, and I am one of them, how does UC manifest day to day? can you ever predict a flare-up?

21:17Elizabeth Day:That's the scariest part about it. You can't. I could eat the same thing 10 days in a row. On the 11th day, I'll be flaring. And like, there's amazing medications that you can take that basically shut down your entire immune system so it doesn't attack itself because it is an autoimmune disease. Your immune system is attacking itself. But then at the same time, those medications have so many other side effects. they shut down your immune system so you get sick you don't heal the same you may bruise easily you have allergies like it's all these other things it's like which is more worth it but the worst pain i've ever felt is from my stomach so it outweighs everything how does a flare-up display itself so you get stomach pain it's debilitating you spend the day in the bathroom you're exhausted like do you feel nausea yeah okay nausea exhaustion excruciating pain but you know what the worst part is about it you wouldn't look at me and think i'm sick yes so i always say not all disabilities are visible and people don't really understand what that's like they don't sympathize with you because you don't look sick which is the most frustrating thing in the entire world.

22:36Elizabeth Day:In America, it's even harder as well because these medications are so much money. One month supply of the medication I was on in America was$30 ,000. How did you cope? Health insurance. You have to pay for health insurance and then you apply for these programs. So like the drug companies give you basically a debit card and the same company that makes the medicine gives you the money back for it. If you don't make a million dollars a year, you can afford that medication. So it was always so hard. It was a constant battle. And not to forget that they don't always work forever. I've been on three different medications since being diagnosed because one day they just stop working.

23:20Elizabeth Day:If you miss a dose, your body builds antibodies against it and it doesn't work for you anymore. So it's a constant battle. That's very tough. It was frustrating, especially as a young girl yes and how are you today in remission thank god thank goodness yeah like it took years that was one of my biggest fears going on the show as well i was about to ask you share bathrooms with 20 people there's two bathrooms inside one bathroom outside but luckily there is a welfare team on the show that you have to tell these things to they get your entire medical history if they thought that I couldn't physically do the show they wouldn't have let me on and they made sure I had all of the resources in place there's a medic on site 24-7 god forbid something ever happened I would have the resources I needed but luckily I am feeling good I'm so happy to hear that did you have a flare-up in the villa No.

24:21Elizabeth Day:Not once.

24:23Toni Laites:If there's someone listening to this right now and they are struggling with either UC or Crohn's, what advice would you give them?

24:33Elizabeth Day:Maintain your health before it's too late because I didn't. And I was so much sicker than I needed to be. Unfortunately, you have to get colonoscopies every year. It's the most uncomfortable experience ever. I hear they don't even sedate you here. in America they knock you out but it's so so important because I think you see Crohn's and colon cancer kind of all go hand in hand and you would never want to be diagnosed with something even worse than you already have so keep up with your colonoscopies get on a medication that works for you and avoid stress at all all costs so difficult because then avoiding stress becomes

25:15Toni Laites:stressful sometimes. Do you have to be careful with your diet or is that not related?

25:20Elizabeth Day:I don't. Other people do. UC and Crohn's looks different for every single person. It's very unpredictable. Like they tell you in the beginning when you're really, really sick, don't eat spicy food, seeds, nuts, alcohol, coffee, all the things you think would upset your stomach. But luckily for me, I do consume those things and I am okay, but it took time. When I first got sick, I said I was on the all-white diet. Bread, mashed potatoes, rice, because I was so scared to eat something that would upset me. But I was just living in fear.

25:53Toni Laites:And is this something you bonded with Yaz over?

25:56Elizabeth Day:She has Crohn's. So it's so funny. There's this book called The Body Keeps the Score. Yes. And Yaz and I were talking about it one day. And I said, wait a second. Why have you read that book? She said, why have you read that book? And that's the moment that we found out.

26:10Toni Laites:Does that really help being friends with someone who fully understands?

26:15Elizabeth Day:A hundred percent because they get when you're having a bad day. I don't know if I can speak for everybody, but it affects my mood. Of course. If I'm not feeling good, I'm kind of a bitch. and it's not just because I want to be mean to everyone around me my body is fighting itself every single day and it's frustrating for me mentally to explain that to everybody so yeah

26:41Toni Laites:I just got it I mean to say that you have to manage your stress carefully the last year for you must have been really challenging not only are you winning Love Island which of course that That must be exciting, but it's super stressful as well, I imagine.

26:56Elizabeth Day:Yeah.

26:56Toni Laites:But you're then struggling to relocate to the UK and there's all sorts of visa issues and you can't work. Yeah. How did you manage that stress effectively?

27:06Elizabeth Day:I think that being sick kind of taught me a lesson that was a bit valuable in this time in my life now. When I was sick, I had to stop and do nothing. When I didn't have a visa, I had to stop and do nothing. To somebody like me, that's devastating. I hate doing nothing. I feel unproductive. but there's also value in doing nothing and taking a step back and waiting for good things to come. So that's kind of what I had to do. I had no choice. As much as I wanted to work in this country, I couldn't, or they would have sent my ass back to America. You know, during those months where I was waiting to get my visa approved, I kind of just tried to enjoy the time that I had because now my life is crazy.

27:50Elizabeth Day:I don't have a day to sit and do nothing. So I appreciate the times that I did.

27:55Toni Laites:I think that's so wise. And that was going to be one of the things I asked you that although we would all wish to take this burden from you, I wonder if your illness has taught you something. And it sounds like it's taught you that.

28:07Elizabeth Day:100%. Getting sick so young, you got to take something out of it. It can't just be a failure. like I learned a lot about myself and when to slow down and it doesn't always have to be go go go go

28:20Toni Laites:rest is also rewarding yes and you don't need to earn rest correct for it to be valid I love a good rot day oh so do I those are my favorite days of the week Tony I had one yesterday um you have your UK visa do you like it here okay your favorite thing and your least favorite thing this is my

28:42Elizabeth Day:first winter in seven years oh i'm so sorry i'm so sorry there was sunshine out today though

28:47Toni Laites:yeah but there's been so much rain it's rained every day of 2026 i feel so embarrassed on behalf

28:53Elizabeth Day:of the uk i thought i liked rain because i lived in miami it rained all the time that was a great thunderstorm cozy afternoon but now i have to like go out and do things and it drives me absolutely insane but what i love about this country is the love that they've given me i never thought i would be accepted by a whole other nation. Of course, there's people that don't like me, but like a majority of it is love that I never could have imagined.

29:20Toni Laites:When people see you out and about, what do they mostly say to you?

29:27Elizabeth Day:I get all sorts of different things. Some people just ask for a picture.

29:31Toni Laites:Do you like baked beans yet?

29:33Elizabeth Day:No. Okay.

29:34Toni Laites:Have you tried Marmite? Ew, no. That doesn't even sound good. Crumpets? We have them in America. I don't know if you do, Tony. We do. Well, I don't know if they're... It's like an English muffin. No. You see, this is a debate I have with my American friends. There are things marketed in American grocery stores that claim to be crumpets, but they bear no resemblance to a British crumpet. So I need you today to go out and try like a Warburton's crumpet. And the key is that you need to toast it more than you think. deal and then if you're a save are you a savory or a sweet person both okay so if you're in a savory mood butter slice of cheddar flakes of salt okay i'm here for that so delicious i'm actually salivating and if you're in a sweet mood i mean i don't do sweet on crumpets but certain people do jam just like an apricot jam and butter deal okay fine come back to me once you've tried that uh do you like the do you like the king do you like the royal family like i don't really know

30:35Elizabeth Day:them hopefully one day i meet them i don't know i've been so busy that i guess i haven't had time to catch up on culture okay my management team and i want to do like a tony the tourist series but i tried to do it and then i got swarmed by people so it's not that easy i bet have you ever been on the top level of a double deck of us so like i want to do things like that yes i want to be a tourist in my own city. We need to make it happen.

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33:37Elizabeth Day:We're Molly and Tom and we're getting married.

33:40Toni Laites:Out of finding love on Love Island, we are now navigating real life and wedding planning. On Nearly Wed, we share the honest highs, lows and the chaos of getting hitched. From budgets to guest list to family dramas and the things no one prepares you for. We'll have new episodes every Tuesday, so make sure to subscribe to Nearly Weds on YouTube. And listen wherever you get your podcasts. Your second failure is having horrible dating habits before meeting Cash. That's for damn sure. Let's go back to the beginning. Okay, what are some of the worst dates you've ever been on?

34:18Elizabeth Day:I think there was a lack thereof. Of dates. Yeah.

34:23Toni Laites:You said you were popular in high school and you were dating an older guy. Yeah. So was it just that you weren't being courted? You were in relationships where you weren't dating? Correct.

34:33Elizabeth Day:Okay. That relationship I was talking about earlier was like my only kind of real relationship. And he was a couple years older than me. He was in college in another state. And it was just kind of toxic. I think I'm a very anxiously attached person. And obviously we didn't live in the same place. And he wasn't giving me as much energy as I needed. I was always going to see him. I would stay with him and his football friends in a dirty apartment and use my only free time to be with him. Yes. And I was exhausting myself and lying to my family, which put a wedge between me and my parents. I think later on in college, I chose bad guys again who weren't necessarily seeing me for my value.

35:26Elizabeth Day:It was kind of like hookup culture, not respecting myself. It was dark. I worked so hard in every other aspect of my life, but then dating, I kind of just settled for less.

35:39Toni Laites:And why do you think that was?

35:43Elizabeth Day:I'm still trying to figure it out. And all of these past habits are kind of coming back now that I am in a good relationship. And I think being in your first healthy relationship kind of brings up darker parts of yourself that you didn't acknowledge until now. I always questioned why I was arguing with my partners. Was it because they were treating me like shit or was it because I wasn't as secure in myself as I thought I was?

36:09Toni Laites:Tony I relate so deeply to what you're saying and that's so true that when you're in a relationship that is founded on safety and trust it's really confronting if you've never experienced that before because there's a degree of pain that comes with acknowledging what you used to accept correct and there's also that fear that it's all too good to be true I totally get it you're speaking to someone who I was in long-term relationships from the age of 19 to 35. I got married to the wrong person, got divorced when I was 35, and then was a single woman dating in her late 30s. And I'm now married again to an amazing man who I met online.

36:51Toni Laites:And it took me a really long time to trust in the goodness of it.

36:57Elizabeth Day:How long was that in between your marriages?

36:59Toni Laites:um wait so it got divorced age 35 met justin 39 so four years squeezed in another relationship good turnaround time yeah and i remember a therapist giving me great advice saying it's time there'll be one day when you feeling anxious that he had this other relationship with this other person and feeling jealous and all those things that will fall by the wayside because you've had more time together yeah and yours and cash's relationship is so deep but actually it hasn't been that long not at all really and so much has happened in that and i think people expect

37:37Elizabeth Day:so much from us that it's like in what world do you meet somebody six months ago even less than

37:47Toni Laites:that and they're moving in together yes if that was one of your friends and she met a guy six

37:51Elizabeth Day:months ago and she told you i'm moving in with him what would you say to her don't exactly yeah But I hear it all the time. Why don't you live together? When are you getting married? Yeah. Why don't you see each other's family more? There's so much pressure and we're just trying to find our feet. Where do you get your reassurance from? Of course, it's nice to hear compliments or words of affirmation. But I think one of my love languages is quality time. Yes. I don't need a vacation. I just like to be together. yes it really puts my mind at ease but i am working on being more secure in myself to where i don't have to ask for anything it's so hard isn't it i hate being alone which i've never ever experienced prior to going on the show that's so because you're an only child so that's really interesting to me i'm an only child i've lived away from home since i was 17 years old i loved alone time until the show so what do you think that's about was it like immersion therapy in a

38:56Toni Laites:way because then suddenly you're in a bedroom with 20 people right you're never alone yeah for eight

39:01Elizabeth Day:weeks i was never alone and like i don't know how many days it takes to build a habit there's a statistic out there somewhere but it's definitely eight weeks i would sleep alone all the time in Vegas and Miami and Connecticut. But then I never slept alone when I was on that show. Coming out, I was with Cash every single day. Not to mention I don't have a huge support system here. It's a lot, my darling.

39:28Toni Laites:I've been through a lot. And it's difficult as well because we all, as the viewing public, saw, quote unquote, the happy ending. And so there's probably that pressure to live out everyone else's expectations of happiness?

39:43Elizabeth Day:I think I'm going against the grain in that sense, especially with social media. I've kind of proven that you don't have to post every day to remain relevant. If you post moments that you're proud of, something worth speaking about, people will still be engaged. I think that, I've said this before, I really, really struggled to get on board with the whole social media thing. it wasn't my remote interest before going on love island but i kind of had no choice but still to this day i don't post perfectly polished moments i post what's real of course there's dinner parties and trips and free stuff but at the same time i'm a human being yeah i

40:28Toni Laites:really remember the video you posted saying you hadn't been able to work and you were struggling to get a visa and it was so uncurated and so real and definitely part of the reason that we all love you and you went from having 3 000 instagram followers to now almost a million so that's

40:45Elizabeth Day:unhinged it's crazy yeah like it was just so shocking to me not having a phone for that long and then getting my phone back not to mention my phone number was somehow in my instagram bio the entire time I was on the show there was like a contact button so when I turned my phone back on after eight weeks I had to take the sim card out it didn't stop ringing for days strangers just calling me oh my goodness do you have any celebrities sliding into your dms oh Cara Delevingne and Charlie XCX okay the two coolest exactly it wasn't men yeah I don't have a large male audience. I think it's like, yeah, I'm reaching the right girls in the gaze.

41:33Elizabeth Day:But yeah, that was the craziest part, especially after our ID shoot.

41:38Toni Laites:Oh my gosh. The iconic ID shoot, the big three, the outcast together, styled in such a brilliant way that was so antithetical to how we were used to seeing Love Island contestants. It was, it lives in my head rent free, that shoot.

41:54Elizabeth Day:People still come up to us every single day. I think the post has almost 30 million views on it.

41:59Toni Laites:Do you have it framed somewhere in your apartment? I'm working on it. I'm still working on decorating. Can I ask you a little bit about your childhood and how you were raised? Because so often when we are anxiously attached, it stems from something that we've experienced. So I've become familiar with your mother because she came on Love Island and I, again, was totally obsessed with her, Leslie. But you grew up with a mom and a dad?

42:22Elizabeth Day:kind of okay i have an iffy relationship with my father okay and i think that is where a lot of my dating issues come from yeah i really don't talk about it people always ask me to talk about my dad and i never do okay it's hard because our relationship has been so back and forth for so long and prior to the show it was kind of at its lowest i didn't tell him i was going on i don't know how he found out probably from some facebook post somewhere that his daughter was on an international television show but I'm working on repairing that I think a lot of the times I don't forgive people once it gets to a certain point and the same way how I have it forgiven him it reflects into relationships with men or friends like I cut people off and that's it

43:10Toni Laites:yes I understand that has he met Cash no okay I haven't seen him in three years okay

43:18Elizabeth Day:Okay.

43:19Toni Laites:Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, of course. And I'm sorry that you carry that. It's kind of a patched up wound.

43:26Elizabeth Day:Yes. Like, I don't sit here and cry about it anymore. I may have used to.

43:31Toni Laites:I think it's so strong of you to be addressing that now and to understand the link.

43:37Elizabeth Day:Yeah.

43:37Toni Laites:And to be able to work on that so that you're no longer paying the price for someone else's mistakes.

43:44Elizabeth Day:I don't blame myself.

43:46Toni Laites:Good.

43:47Elizabeth Day:I was a kid after all his only kid both of my parents only child so like I don't know when I have kids one day I want to pour all the love I have in my heart to them because I don't want to have the same relationship with them that I did my parents how's your relationship with Leslie now no she drives me nuts she drives me absolutely insane but I love her to pieces and she's probably the most supportive person I could ever imagine. She screams my name from the rooftops. Would I have advised her to make a TikTok account prior to the show? No. Over my dead body. But it happened and it worked out for her and I think kind of won the public over.

44:35Elizabeth Day:She spoke for me when I couldn't speak for myself.

44:38Toni Laites:people love her yes has she always shouted your name from the rooftops 100 yeah and she was the person she came into the villa and she was like you need to pay attention to this man yeah and thanked him in a very moving exchange i thought is she still his number one fan oh my god yes

44:58Elizabeth Day:can do no wrong in her eyes okay that's why i'm like okay maybe just adopt him then because she loves him.

45:06Toni Laites:Have any of your dysfunctional exes been in touch with you since you won the show?

45:10Elizabeth Day:No. The one that I was speaking about earlier hasn't said a peep.

45:14Toni Laites:That means that he's definitely seen it. Oh, yeah.

45:17Elizabeth Day:Everyone has seen it. Like, I'm definitely the most famous person to come out of Newington, Connecticut. My parents went to the same high school as me. It's a very, very small town. Okay. Nobody ever leaves.

45:28Toni Laites:I bet you've made the front page of that newspaper again multiple times over.

45:33Elizabeth Day:It's funny because I've lived in so many different places. So people in Connecticut have given me recognition. I've done interviews with my college in Florida. People in Vegas have recognized me. Like, I thought I could escape it when I went to America. It follows me.

45:51Toni Laites:Have you made up with Cash's brother and sister? Oh, yeah. That's just something that I really needed to ask you from my personal status. Everyone always nags me about this one.

45:59Elizabeth Day:No, not you, but the public. They always ask me this. Like, do they still hate you? I think people forget that they were also viewers of the show. They only see 45 minutes to an hour a day of 24 hours. They're very tight-knit, that family, and he is their protector. If anyone had a sibling that they saw crying on television, they would be upset at the person who caused those tears, no matter the situation. They're younger than me. They're both 20. They're twins. And I think that they were defending the person who's defended them their whole lives. And I've seen them numerous times. I've met his whole family before.

46:44Elizabeth Day:And no one holds a grudge because they know me in real life.

46:47Toni Laites:It's lovely hearing you talk about that. It was really lovely seeing how close their bond was on screen and how Cash clearly is their protector. But it was also really lovely seeing your ownership and accountability and your understanding of their closeness and your respect for it. When you look back on your Love Island experience prior to Cash, when you look back at the Harrison of all, I'm sorry to bring his name up in this lovely space. Voldemort, we'll call him. Voldemort. Do you think that was the death rattle of your bad dating decisions?

47:20Elizabeth Day:100%. Never again. but I was repeating old unhealthy patterns because I didn't know any better. I've mentioned this before as well. I kind of needed him to stay in the game. Yes. If Harrison wasn't there, I would have had nobody. Yes, I was stupid and I went back one too many times, but if I didn't go back, I would have been gone. I wouldn't have made it to the final. I wouldn't have met Cash. Harrison kept me in long enough to get me to Casa Amor and meet Cash.

47:56Toni Laites:Yeah, it's that idea of fate again. Also, probably quite nice that you stayed in the game and you had, by the final, this control experiment of what could have been. The fact that you were with Cash, who had said that he loved you the night before the final when there were no cameras. He must have just thought, oh, thank goodness.

48:13Elizabeth Day:I dodged a bullet. Still to this day, I believe that. Viewers love a redemption arc. If all of that didn't happen, I'm not sure we would have won. Yes. It was such a good storyline for television. I wasn't doing it for that, but it made the show what it was. And it showed lessons for young girls. It showed dating patterns in modern society. Like, it showed what it is like when you are with someone who really loves you and how rewarding that is. So it's not a total failure.

48:51Toni Laites:we dodge the bullets and we can be grateful for them too yeah we're leaving today and entering a world of mickey mouse waving princess meeting and greeting lightsaber clashing the twilight zone tower of terror dropping banshee flying space mountain launching galaxy rewinding what's the whole network galaxy rewinding fireworks igniting World of Other Worlds. For whatever you love, infinite worlds await at the most magical place on Earth. Walt Disney World Resort.

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50:21Toni Laites:Your final failure is that sometimes you fail to be kind to yourself. I do. Oh, totally. So you say here that you tend to be your own biggest critic. So do you have this constant inner hater who's...

50:37Elizabeth Day:I wouldn't say hater. It would be critic. I don't hate myself, but I want to be the best at everything I do. that also ties into why i wasn't posting because i kind of hold myself to a certain standard if it's not something that i would want to consume as a viewer i'm not going to post it basically our job as influencers is to sell things to people if it's not good enough for me i'm not going to sell it to you in that sense but then it's hard because hate gets to me but chances are I already thought worse of myself.

51:15Toni Laites:Wow.

51:15Elizabeth Day:You know?

51:16Toni Laites:Yeah, I do know. How does overnight fame affect that?

51:21Elizabeth Day:I think it puts everything under a magnifying glass. I read every single comment. It doesn't matter how many there are. It's like, I almost look for validation for the negative things I think about myself already. Yes. When I know things aren't true and they comment them, it's like oh whatever I brush it off but like if you tell me my nose is big I've known this my whole life you're reassuring the things I already thought about myself and it hurts or in the beginning when I wasn't 100 % sure that cash liked me because of my dating history when a million people are telling you he doesn't like you he was just with you to get to the end this that and the third it just reassures all of the negative things I already thought about myself and my relationship

52:09Toni Laites:For the record, you have an exquisite nose. Thank you. I've never once thought it was big, ever. Thank you. Is Cash good for you in terms of handling all of that?

52:21Elizabeth Day:100%. He's been on social media working towards being a content creator, making his dance videos for years. He always tells me, don't read the comments, don't read the comments. I don't know why I can't stop.

52:35Toni Laites:do you have strategies for managing it that you're introducing i'm trying this is all so new to me so when i was like thinking of these failures it was it was kind of hard for me because i feel like

52:49Elizabeth Day:they're all pretty recent yeah i hate talking about failing actually what we talk about when

52:55Toni Laites:we talk about failure we talk about growth yeah and understanding ourselves and every single one of your failures what i appreciate about them is that they reflect who you are you're so real in what you choose to share and that is a kind of superpower yeah like i can't even sit here and lie

53:12Elizabeth Day:to you this last six months has probably been one of the hardest of my entire life i'm sorry mentally socially like i'm trying to get used to being here but i can't just go walk outside and enjoy myself. Yes. All of the things that I used to be able to do if I was having a bad day aren't as accessible to me anymore. Whether that's even just sitting on the couch with my friends. My friends aren't here. Yeah. Or making friends is kind of hard for me right now because I don't trust people.

53:44Toni Laites:Yes.

53:46Elizabeth Day:I trust Cash. I trust Shakira and Yasmin. But we're all busy. So I'm just trying to regain I think the confidence that I've lost in the last couple of months yeah I say I've gained confidence in the sense that I can go out without makeup and this that and the third but I'm still doing things that scare me every single day and as you say there's a loneliness there that you're not familiar with correct I've never felt this lonely oh Tony it's sad but at the same time I kind of do it to myself because don't get me wrong I could call my friends more I don't like I don't want to say burden them but I don't like to sit here and say woe is me because there are so many amazing things going on with my life right now and I know that all my friends back home are still working waitressing jobs and working their asses off the same way how I was so I don't want to brag.

54:42Elizabeth Day:I don't want to sound ungrateful when I'm like, boo hoo, my life is so hard. But it is.

54:51Toni Laites:Do you feel that it's a weakness to admit that? You're nodding. Yeah, definitely.

55:00Elizabeth Day:I want to act like I'm okay.

55:02Toni Laites:Yeah.

55:03Elizabeth Day:But it's been hard.

55:04Toni Laites:You are worth a grown-up love that makes you feel safe and secure. And you are worth the love that we are showing you en masse as the general public. And that probably feels so unfamiliar and difficult.

55:19Elizabeth Day:It is, for sure. And I think I pour all the love that I have into other people that sometimes I forget to give it to myself.

55:26Toni Laites:Yes.

55:27Elizabeth Day:But you're worthy of your own love too, Toni. I know. And I'll learn that. But this is all still so fresh to me. Yeah. At the same time, this is the most crucial point of my career to position myself in a way that it's long lasting. And I'm not just known for Love Island. Like, I want my voice to be heard by the masses, not people who only watch a dating show.

55:49Toni Laites:Preach. What do you want to do next? What is the goal?

55:54Elizabeth Day:I want to take Maya Jama's job.

55:57Toni Laites:I mean I love my drama but I want you to that would be brilliant not even necessarily her job

56:02Elizabeth Day:but I want to go into presenting and when I see myself in those situations it just makes me realize how much I'm capable of how old are you 25 you're so young and you have such a wise head

56:15Toni Laites:on your shoulders like it's really that's yeah I am not surprised that you are dealing with all of these feelings at 25. Your 20s are such a clusterfuck at the best of times. But when you go on Love Island and end up winning it, I can't even imagine how amplified that is. So you are doing brilliantly and you are exactly where you need to be. What advice would you give to pre-Love Island Tony? There's this guy at the pool on his honeymoon and he's like, have you ever heard of Love Island UK? And you agreed to go on it. What advice would you give her now?

56:52Elizabeth Day:I don't think there is advice that you can give anybody before going on Love Island. I think I did it the best way possible, blindly, with no expectations, no idea of what was to come. Not even what I would tell myself, but what I would tell anybody. Not just about going on Love Island. If you want to move to a new country, if you want to start a new job, do it.

57:15Toni Laites:final question you were top at sales in your former job as a cabana waitress um if you had to describe yourself as a drink as a cocktail that you served what would it be a miami vice

57:32Elizabeth Day:because it's the best of both worlds half strawberry daiquiri half pina colada extra rum on top because now I'm like kind of half British, half American.

57:45Toni Laites:Love it. And there's a little bit of mischief in there too. Yeah, that's for sure. Toni, thank you so, so much for coming on How to Fail.

57:52Elizabeth Day:That felt like a good vent session.

57:54Toni Laites:I'm so glad. That's what we're here for. You were amazing. Thank you. Hey, y 'all. I'm Maddie. And I'm Poodle. And together we host the podcast Reality Gaze.

58:07Elizabeth Day:We are two ridiculous homosexuals who love nothing more than talking about reality television and tearing in a new one.

58:13Toni Laites:So whether it's 90 Day Fiance, Love is Blind, Love After Lockup, or any other trash TV show about lonely hearts looking for love, your gay besties got you covered, y 'all. New shows every week. Follow and listen to Reality Gays wherever you get your podcasts. Reality Gays, let's love!

58:37Toni Laites:get new episodes as they land on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. Please tell all your friends. This is an Elizabeth Day and Sony Music Entertainment original podcast. Thank you so much for listening.