Espresso - James Smith - The HIDDEN Secret to INSANE Confidence

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0:22The first thing for overconfidence, there is an element of competence to this though, I would say. So if you were to look at me talk about something on social media versus 10 other personal trainers, I would probably come across more overconfident than the others. that would come from the competence of the amount of repetition i've done making the content same way that some sales people whether it be a second-hand car salesman or a door-to-door gas and electric salesman they seem so perfect with their approach it's not so much their confidence in the product but the amount of times they've knocked on doors or sold cars so overconfidence most probably stems a fraction from narcissism and maybe some bad sociopathic traits where someone doesn't doesn't American psycho but the rest of the time I do think there is a trail of breadcrumbs from competence in repetition so the more times you practice they say the more you practice the luckier you get but I would say as well to that society will over will reward someone because if a guy comes up to a girl in the bar not one stuttering is hey I think you're beautiful I'd love to take you out for dinner look pretty chilled I'm gonna give you a number by the way if you have got a boyfriend no need to lie or tell me about it just never text me back cool have a good night enjoy it versus a guy um hi i i never usually uh my number here you go the guy who's confident probably has done it more times there probably is an element of competence to it the woman and in most business sense the person that is most confident is probably going to get the sale or probably going to get the message back i think that confidence can sometimes masquerade competence behind it and i think that often we do want competence with a partner.

1:59Every single partnership, whether it's business, financial, sexual, you do want some level of competence to whether it is personal finances, sexual performance, whatever it is, we are actually all looking for competence from someone. Maybe even this sounds probably rather, you know, patriarchal tyranny. When men are choosing a woman, we want there to be some kind of competence and maybe child raising and looking after the house. And that's because I'm from more of a traditional upbringing we are almost subconsciously sensing competence in all the people we meet whether it be romantic professional you want competence so i think that people that maybe have this facade or allure of overconfidence are actually the ones that are most competent in most cases competent confidence is a barbell strategy as well which is brilliant when was the but what i think really interesting about the book is you can you can lean on competence and confidence as sort of like a barbell strategy but what you say is in terms of life you can be really fucking confident in one area but then a shit show in the other you know like I'm trying to think of an example like um Tiger Woods mate like Tiger Woods right fucking confident golf right his like in personal affairs isn't a fucking not that he's saying he's not that's maybe not confidence but it's a bit of a fucking shit show when he's not on the golf course I did a I did a TED talk fine still used Hinge as a dating app because I wasn't confident enough to prospect.

3:25Or, you know, there were so many elements I didn't want to get rejected after all the rejections on the gym floor. I actually got banned from Hinge twice for being me. So I'd go on Instagram, someone would go, hey, I just saw someone pretending to be you on Hinge. I've reported them. It was me. So then I got cock blocked by my following. So I was fucking awful, mate. It was so shit. That's like my claim to fame. Hinge blocked me. And then the second time I went on, I couldn't get matches. but it's probably good for the i'm now in a relationship maybe it has something to do with that what have been some of if someone is feeling unconfident in one area of their life but like as you say some they've got the ted talk which is right you know you can do a fucking ted talk but you're still on hinge like what is the ways to bring that up so uh for me again action is always the way out of everything and my friend george when i moved to australia he deleted my dating apps on my phone and he literally was like no you're gonna start talking to girls and I'd be in a cafe with him he'd be like go on I'd be like oh yeah he's like go on and I'd get my number put it on a bit of paper I'd give it to him and I remember every time I came back this is one of the great things I probably learned this from him when I came back from giving a girl my number he would always joke and go good dog there was like an English guy from southwest London every time good dog and when I got back and sat down he was rewarding me for the effort not the outcome she hadn't messaged me she hadn't gone on a date with me she hadn't anything she just taken a bit of paper from a stranger but he recognized to me he goes good that was the thing you didn't want to do well done because you've done it you're successful now whether you get a text or not is irrelevant you've done the thing you were scared of and I think that's where the kind of setting success metrics is so important in everyday life thank you so much for listening to that espresso I hope you enjoyed your morning coffee and are ready for the day let's be having your boy and please do subscribe, follow the podcast, share this espresso on WhatsApp if you liked it.

5:23And also there's a link to our newsletter in the show description. I spend 15 hours toiling and writing this bad boy. It's full of wonderful wisdom from the biggest names in food and drink. You're not going to get these in a business book. So please subscribe and thank me later.