Dolph Lundgren: Overcoming an abusive father | Forward Progress

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0:48This week, Dolph Lundgren.

0:55Growing up, I understand you could not play sports. No. How does that work? I couldn't play sports because the summer in Sweden is very short and the pollen goes from like nothing to maximum high amount very quickly in May, say April, May, and I would get really sick in the summer and I couldn't really be outside much. And you were always picked blessed. Yeah, I picked last on the team and so forth. Between that and my dad beating me up, I had a lot of, you know, insecurity. And bullying from classmates? Bullying from classmates to some degree. My way to kind of feel special was that I was very good in school.

1:39So that's how I kind of got back at them by answering all the questions correctly. You mentioned your dad and the abuse. You had a few other siblings, obviously. Why was it that he would only touch you and your mom? Yeah, that's a good question. I think I may have reminded him of himself. Maybe it was the fact that I was the first son, and maybe he got jealous of me because maybe my mom gave me more attention than he gave to him. I'm not sure. I mean, he had a lot of issues. What would he do and what was the worst? Well, he would sort of, when he had a bad day at work or if I'd done something wrong, as kids do, then he would just beat me up or, you know, I think the worst time was maybe when I was about 8 or 9 or 10.

2:34He wouldn't like punch me and break my nose or anything like that. He would kind of just beat me up, kick me in the body or tear my hair off. So sometimes I would have like a kind of a thin spot of hair, like a bald spot almost. Describe the embarrassment of going to school in those situations. I think it was embarrassing for me. And this is in a day where there was nowhere to call. There was no hotline. There was no psychological counseling, nothing like that. Basically, the man, this is in the 60s. The man was the head of the household and he was in charge. and my dad was a, he had a high position in the government.

3:16I couldn't say anything, but I think mostly for me, it was more, you know, I looked up to him a lot, as a little boy do, and when somebody you love hurts you, you know, it does a number on you as a kid. I think you end up blaming yourself a lot. Is that what you did? I think it did somehow blame myself. I think he gave me a real ambition to succeed and to prove to the world that I wasn't a loser. The fact that I became a fighter and I became very good at school and later tried to excel at things, he helped me in that respect. Maybe without him I wouldn't have done that. Like my siblings here in Sweden, they live nice lives but they don't have that urge to prove anything to the world.

4:05So that was a positive thing to some degree. What would he do to your mom? Beat her and torture her and throw her out of the house, and she'd have to sleep outside, and she'd still have to cook food for everybody. And, yeah, it was tough. And painful for you that you couldn't protect her. Couldn't protect her, yeah, I know. You had some underlying anger, from what I understand, towards your mom for a while. Yeah, that's... Why? Well, you know, if you're a young boy and if your father beats you, I mean, a lot of women would take the kid and say, F*** you, I'm out of here. And, you know, leave. But my mom didn't do that.

4:51She was, you know, an abused woman. So I think I had something against her. But she was a wonderful person and very... She was very giving and very loving. There was a period where you did want to hurt your dad badly, though. Yeah, I mean, obviously I had dreams about it when I got strong enough and when I was training martial arts. And I suppose some of the reason behind me doing all the training was maybe to get back at him or stand up to him. But, you know, life was strange. By the time you were 18 and you shoot up and suddenly you're a 6 '3 and you start weighing 200 pounds and then your dad In the meantime, it was gotten kind of weak, and now he got sick, too, and couldn't just show up.

5:37And martial arts teaches you to respect, and it teaches you not to misuse it. So I couldn't just take a train back home just to beat him up. It wasn't my personality. Why did you never talk to him about it later in life? yeah you know by time I got old enough to and mature enough to speak to him about it he was kind of he had he had mental issues and he was kind of like he wasn't living in reality he was living in a parallel universe where he suspected people of being after him and he saw like secret police everywhere and and he was kind of sick and I realized there was no way I could bring it up to him.

6:23He had no recollection of that at all. He grew up in the, during the depression in Sweden in the 30s when people starved to death in a small town. And I think my, his, my grandfather, his dad used to be a hard drinker and he was very violent too. And I'm sure my dad, he was probably sensitive young boy and somebody really abused him so I forgave him because I knew that he you know he didn't want to be that way. What was involved with getting to the place where you forgave him? I think when I really had to do therapy to really forgive him perhaps he was forced to do something when he was a He may have had other adventures, you know, plans or dreams that he never acted on.

7:20But I did. I switched. He probably admired that in me to some degree, that I had the guts to do that, to follow my instinct, my heart, instead of what he did, what he was told by his parents, you know. What thinking about that still makes you emotional? well because i wish i would have you know i wish he wouldn't have that illness that i could have connected with the nice part of him he was a very smart man and charming and and i just feel sorry for him i wish i would have been there to help him that's it for now but if you're hungry for more in-depth interviews head over to youtube.com slash graham bensinger you can dive into our deep library, which includes more than 2 ,000 clips spanning 12 plus years.

8:10Thanks again for listening.