"Don't sh*g your PT ladies"

18:09Anna Williamson:They chuck them in. I always did that with my kids. And obviously it's going to get heat. But the point being, I don't know what the statistic is, but particularly if people live around water, the statistics of drowning, infant drowning, is so high. And I'm such an advocate for teaching your kids how to swim, particularly around summer holidays. Listen, it's hard. Because swimming lessons are very expensive. They are. very expensive and it's and actually I think that it should be something that is it's a life skill a life skill it should actually be free yeah I agree because if you can't afford to get swimming lessons for your kids that's well a lot of schools do offer it I mean my kids are at state school and they do offer oh do they yeah yeah it's part of the but I'm sure that's the school that's up it might be the county council I don't actually know because it is like all kids should learn to swim but the kids well but we all swum as kids didn't we Bex did you learn how to swim as a kid at school yeah I did So I think there is, but I only think that only goes so far.

19:06Anna Williamson:And I do. I mean, one thing that my mum and dad have always said about teaching the kids to swim. And my kids have learned to swim from a very young age. We were really lucky because during COVID, we had a swimming pool at home. You could teach them at home. It's part of the mandatory physical education. Oh, yeah. It's part of the mandatory. I thought it was. It is part of mandatory physical education. That is good because, you know, not all parents can afford swimming. No, it's expensive. £30 an hour. Did you see that that influencer and the kid died? He drowned. Which one? Yeah. that influencer well how bloody sad and that doesn't we don't want to put the fear of God into everyone but the importance of water safety yes so bloody important so if you're on holiday please be careful please have cuffed your kids anyway right we've cuffed on for bloody ages let's stop cuffing right message from anonymous so Glenda should I do this one morning ladies granny name please Imo I am from Culture Stuff now just a quickie oh up road yeah up road she went just a quick ha ha appreciation message I'm one of the OGs from the podcast I love that people say that because we don't care guys.

20:07Anna Williamson:I started listening, she says, when I needed an outlet and at times I felt totally alone. I'd listen while cutting the lawn bottle, yes, a whole bottle of wine in my hand, oh bless you, to get you through the bullshit that was my life. I was in a very controlling, toxic marriage and I would listen to you guys telling other women's stories of abuse. Hearing some of those amazing women gaining the strength to get up and leave, I thought I'd never be able to do it and can only imagine just how much better life would be without this pig-headed prick of a narcissist. You spoke more and more about these women gaining the strength and after one particularly bad day living with the prick, I decided yes, I fucking can leave him.

20:41Anna Williamson:I'm going to fart in solidarity. There we go. Sorry guys, I've had a gassy breakfast. So I prepared myself physically and mentally and I told him. He cried like the little bitch he is and he begged me once again to stay, but I didn't. Good. I kept reminding myself of the stories and the advice that you lovely ladies have given time and time again. See, it's that repetitiveness. This is it. This is it. You can do it. Never stay in a shitty relationship. And she says, I did. I walked away. I did it. Yes. Four years later, we're still going through divorce. The pig is still trying to control me, but financially is currently the only way he can.

21:18Anna Williamson:Let me not mess around, guys. Financial abuse is a thing. So bad. It really is. That's why ladies don't rely on a man thing. have your escape fund always siphon off a little bit just in case my mum taught me that you know even though my parents have been together for 55 years and happily so but my mum has always taught me to never ever fully rely on anybody always have your independence just don't rely on anyone male, female, friend, partner because it gives you independence and control and freedom should you ever need it exactly my mum always taught me that so that's something that I want to teach the girls sage mummers sage mummers yeah mentally look at where we are now because we really do value and we're in happy marriages yeah and quite traditional marriages but we also value our independence so I like that anyway mentally she says sometimes I do feel like I should just retire and spend Andrew's money well I think you spend it as it is I do I do quite a good job at spending his money too actually she says mentally I'm the strongest I've been in my adult life and I'm finally in a fairy tale relationship I think Beauty and the Beast he's soft as shit and a gentle giant and extremely protective and loving and Lou how many times do we hear people that have come out of these relationships and then find the one so firstly she says a reminder to anyone listening who thinks they can't do it you can and you are strong enough it is tough and it's hard but so are you and secondly thank you to you three ladies you have no idea of me but your words support and love have helped me through one of the single hardest processes of my life you have such an impact on people's lives and I really wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you guys uh for doing what you guys do I've still got work to do to be where I want to be but don't we all exactly babe it's always it's always work but as I middle muddle my way through this life I know I can stick Luana in my ears and I can forget the crap for those precious hours much love us always what a lovely message and also just if you are listening we know that you're listening we know that there are so many people in relationships like that it doesn't have to be that way and there are always options and you know just reach out women's aid what's the other um there's a women's aid um refuge thank you it's really good yeah domestic uh and there is violence yeah like please don't stay it's not normal to be in a relationship that's controlling in any way financially, emotionally, mentally or physically abusive.

23:50And a lot of people think, oh, look, we bang on about this all the time. We do. And just get out, guys. Please get out. We just want to be the...

23:58Anna Williamson:Love is not being made to tread on eggshells. Love is feeling respected. End of. And free. Yeah. Right. Another message from Anonymous. So Fina. It's a new dame, isn't it? It's like a Nando's pitter. But with an F. A Fino pitter. I don't like Nando's. I fucking love a Fino pitter. I could do one now. It's got halloumi in it, chicken in it. I don't like Nando's. I'd quite like a Nando's Sponny. They used to do the Nando's. Oh, I'm a bit dirty. I've been with the horses. They used to do a Nando's VIP or black card. Did you ever know anyone that had got one? Yeah. Did you? Yeah, they used to dish them out a bit, like back in the day, to celebs.

24:33I never got one.

24:34Anna Williamson:I remember taking Barry Humphries, the late Barry Humphries. I think I got a Bill's one, you know. Yeah, Bill's did do one. I think I had a Bill's one. Yeah, Bill's did do one. Now I don't go anywhere. I got recently offered an Iceland. Did you? Yeah, I did. I said no, though, just because... Quite good for frozen goods. I just don't live near an Iceland or would use it. So I didn't want to be greedy and say yes to something I wouldn't use. I would have taken it just for the ice lollies and stuff for the kids. Or like frozen chips, frozen peas. I just don't live near an Iceland. Well, you could have made the trip stock up your freezer.

25:09But thank you, Iceland, for offering it. Very nice of you. Hey, girlies. Love the pod and all that jazz. I'm a 25-year-old Danish girl living in Dublin. Hi. And most of my friends here are my boyfriend's co-workers, who are also men, which is fine. But I'm in the middle of a lot of family drama, which is not something I'm comfortable discussing with them in length. So this is me sharing something pretty difficult with people I know I can be completely open with. I've no idea which segment this belongs in, but here I go. Good. My sister is 28, soon 29. And five years ago, almost to the day, she stopped speaking to our parents, but not to me.

25:42which is great because I love her to death but it's also insanely hard to act as some kind of phone pole everything passes through me and my parents and grandparents keep asking questions about her I feel so uncomfortable sharing details of her life without specific consent from her but I also have to sit up and watch my 76 year old grandfather cry because he is afraid of dying before she wants to talk to them then this January my paternal grandmother died and it broke me she was the coolest lady ever and I remember the two things that really got me when my parents were called were one she had just gotten this beautiful dark purple jacket for Christmas and she hardly got to use it and the fact that she gifted me money as I was living in Luxembourg at the time and flying with baggage is expensive as you know and I forgot to send her a photo of the stuff I bought for that money this was also the day before my boyfriend's birthday plus I was sick as hell then after flying home to go to the funeral which my sister did attend I had to sit at the she's put after party she said I don't know the actual English word for it but my grandmother would have laughed at me calling it an after party so it's all good you mean the wake my lovely and listen to people talk to the after party you're off to the after party we should call it that

26:56Anna Williamson:we should call it the after party the after death party I had to listen to people talking about her death as if it was supposed to be an eye-opener for my sister to get it together before the rest of our grandparents are gone. It's been five years. And every time someone asks me how she is or if she's any closer to being back to normal, I still want to disappear. I know why she went no contact, which can be bored down to her extreme anxiety. And my parents being controlling may be kind of narcissistic and overly critical. So she just checked out of that, which is fair enough. There's nothing I can do.

27:31sure I could draw a boundary with our family and ask them not to ask about it but doing that while listening to your grandparents cry from fear of never seeing her again really isn't easy I don't think I need advice or anything I just want to express it to someone who won't interrupt me to tell me the shit I already know it's not my responsibility to fix any of this but yeah it sucks please give me my lovely grandmother's name Fina and keep up a great job oh darling I don't know what to say because you're right you are a bit helpless in this situation and you are piggy in the middle but you know your sister's obviously checked out

28:06Anna Williamson:for a reason which you recognize so you can't fix it and look you can't you can't rescue people but you have empathy and I think exactly that and just I'm pleased that we've provided a space for you just to offload it because it does sound really difficult and you know what family is very difficult and sometimes we do make the right choice in checking out but I think it's your sister's situation and as best you can you just try and focus on your own relationships within the family. Good luck bubs. Good luck. Right message from Anonymous so Pamela next. Please give me the granny name of Pamela after me dear nan not that she would be proud of me for this I'm sure.

28:44Anna Williamson:Sorry for the length there and this pun will make sense later. Now many years back like us all I ended the Christmas period This is like totally true. This is so fucking me I ended the Christmas period feeling like a fat shit and began January with the old new year new me bullshit and I joined the local gym yeah exactly spike in gym membership first of Jan off we trot for two weeks but I think it's 13th of January it all goes to rapture yeah that I think is statistically what I've not worked out for ages poor bubs I saw your PT Ted this morning and I was like Nat was going on about how she haven't worked out for a while.

29:26Anna Williamson:I was like, I don't even want to know. Old Lil's has been on holiday. Lily is not there. Lucy was working out of TED. She's still here from Dubai. We'll just be fat shits. There you go. So back then, she said, it wasn't a cancel anytime situation and you were contracted to the monthly payments for an entire year. Oh yeah, do you remember that? I remember that. That was bad. Wasn't that bad? Out of order. Bang out of order. Bang out of order. Spenny as well. I happily joined with my most positive attitude and intentions and had to book an induction session. I arrived a few days later, very eager and keen to start my journey to being the next J-Lo.

30:01Anna Williamson:And there he was. This tanned, handsome and tall Adonis in front of me. I couldn't really speak at first and I thought maybe I was dreaming, but got the impression he was flirting with me instantly. He took me upstairs to the gym and got me started on the running machine. He slowly increased my speed and we laughed at how unfit I was. And we bounced off each other with banter. And I thought, bloody hell, is this how fun a workout can be? I'll transfer my entire wedding into his bank account directly every month. Look out for those PTs guys. I'm an arid one. No and behold I got a little Facebook ad a day or so later.

30:39Anna Williamson:Winning. There it is. Back in the OG days. We messaged back and forth between me going to the gym and working out solo wearing of course the tiniest gym wear that I could find and spending more time to get ready for the gym than I probably would have done for my own wedding day. We've all done Got it. Then the time has come that his parents were away and he had a free house. I acted casual as possible, which wasn't very casual. And I was there. Fucking desperate. She does. I was there, bold as a seal within the hour. Now, I knew he was, of course, into his fitness, but I didn't realise quite how much.

31:15Anna Williamson:I thought he might have a glass of wine and a chat first, but no. He offered me a... That's the ick. Oh, it's an ick. New ick unlocked. Straight away, Lou, I'm out. I'm out. My badge has gone dry. Do you want some lip toe before I go down on you? Do you want a Robinson's? Oh, Babs, no. But no, he offered me a squash. Summer fruits or apple and black can? Oh, ick, unlocked. And continued to tell me. I wouldn't have even minded of an elderflower presse or something. But just a squash, no. Read on. And continued to tell me how he wakes up through the night to eat certain things for nutrition. That's weird.

31:50Anna Williamson:I think I remember him telling me that his breakfast would consist of a handful of nuts and some tuna. Oh, sick fuck. Or some kind of hellish shit. I had the ick, most definitely. But he was so stunning, I stuck it out and we ended up in his room. This is typical of, you know, people who are so good looking. Yes. But they have the most boring fucking personalities and they go from being like a 10 to a 2 so quickly. In the very question of, can I get you a squawk? I'm very personality led, but I just couldn't. if someone can't laugh like it just would put I mean I like a hot guy but I have to be honest but I'll be honest that I would have been out for me I would have tuning up for breakfast and offering her squash but I've also in my life I've been out with some very good looking people and they have been dull as shit and I haven't wanted to have sex with them and then some of the best sex I've ever had has been with the typically not good looking people because they're fucking funny smart and brilliant I just remember it no I can't say it okay one for off the pod remember when I told you about the princess okay everyone's gonna be like oh god that's sorry guys we can't talk about this we just can't let's just say Lou has a past so she says the ick continued his room resembled a schoolboy's oh no even more I am so backing out of this Lou and consisted of a single bed a desk no TV and stacks of boxes of protein shakes and bars.

33:22Anna Williamson:I should have left, but I did not as I had committed. The shag is going to be shit, I'm telling you now. I mean, I think we're all heading that direction. It's written in the stars. Yeah, it's the schoolboy desk that's just short, probably smelled of pencils. You know that smell of like studying, like pencil cases. You know what I mean? Pencil sharpeners. Surely there's a reason he's so confident, I thought. Here we go, guys. It's going to be the shag of the century. He undressed me and went down on me. Not bloody bad at all. Even with the tuna. All right, Janet, then the squash. I went to reciprocate and sweet fucking Jesus, I found the Loch Ness Monster I thought was but a myth.

34:00Anna Williamson:Okay, this is looking up, Lou. I was excited but a little fearful. I might never be the same again downstairs. Oh, it's huge. It's massive, Lou. It's massive. It's a schlong-a-dong. But I went for it anyway. Things proceeded. It was a struggle. All of 20 seconds later, he jumps up. He seems panicked. I jump up too. And whilst I've never had children, I can only compare to what happened to what I've seen in movies of a woman's waters breaking. Oh no. But when I looked down, it was blood. Oh, she's blood everywhere. He ran off. She's a Loch Ness monster. He ran off. I stood in horror. He ran off.

34:34Anna Williamson:I stood in horror. I peered down the hallway and there's blood all the way to the bathroom. I asked if he was okay, politely still not knowing if it was him or me. Oh, it's his banjo string. It's his banjo. he shouts from the bathroom saying he snapped his banjo we called it I had absolutely no clue what that was we've been doing this too long straight of us bang in I run up to him and his poor hugely magnificent penis is absolutely pumping our blood I rushed to his aid the first thing I did was try and hold it up high as that's all I know about cuts so I was less than helpful it's like holding it up like a sort of a used condom isn't it like a balloon we both stood there covered in blood the hallway resembled a murder scene in itself not to mention the actual bed my god we worked together to get everything including ourselves cleaned up and while I lay back to back with him in a scratchy single bed with no sheets awkwardly he proceeds to tell me that due to the size of his penis this isn't the first incident he said this happened oh oh oh mate this he said this happened before with your friend Darla last year not her name of course she says what the fuck?

35:43Anna Williamson:How is that saving this situation? I never knew that she had slept with him and I'd have never have gone there if I'd known. I'm also surprised that Darla didn't offer the information up that I had sex with a man with a massive knob. Yeah. Because I would have done, wouldn't you? Yeah, and you'd be like, oh, I tried to shake this guy and it's blood of a slapses banjo. That would totally have been like wine gossip, wouldn't it? Wow. Anyway, she says, I laid there staring at the window in what looked like a teenage boy's room until sunrise until I could take no more when I left. She just stayed there.

36:14Anna Williamson:She really was a star. Slightly in between us, isn't it? Yeah, wait for sun to come up. Awkward light. As I got up at 6am, he said, Great, you're awake. I've got to go now to go and eat some nuts. And I'll show you out ever so casually. I never wanted to face that man again. Therefore, spent the next 11 months paying 35 great British pounds for a gym I could not attend. I'd never consider paying for a shag, Certainly not£385 for a bloody shit one. Moral of the story, don't shag your PT ladies, even though I know it works out for Anna. Massive loss of earnings at risk. I mean, I've been in 10 years.

36:50Anna Williamson:I think mine's paid off, fortunately. P.S. Me and Darla still laugh at this. She had the exact same experience. I mean, poor guy. What can he do about that then? I mean, I don't know. I hope this man has managed to physically achieve sex successfully by this point. Perhaps having a massive one isn't always a blessing. I think he needs to get circumcised. I think he probably needs a penis reduction. But if he got circumcised, then the banjo wouldn't snap, would it? Because it's where the foreskin comes back. It's that little bit of skin. Well, yeah, but I... So if he's circumcised, there's no foreskin.

37:21Anna Williamson:But you can still have a little... It's still a little... It can still sort of go. Only because I may not have been in a similar situation at some point in my life. No one's ever snapped their banjo with me. That's because I've got a bucket. How can I just say, pre-kids, guys, she's like a bass. anyway remember if you want to get in touch you can email us at everythingluanna.com you can also drop us a whatsapp on 0745 266 947 now this is interesting so the government we'll just whiz through these news stories we have chatted a lot but basically the government are trying to press ahead with getting votes at 16 that's because fucking Labour have done a shit job and they need all the little lefties youngsters to vote for them because they know that they're going to lose the election.

38:07So they're now trying to get 16-year-olds to have a vote. But half of 16 - and 17-year-olds don't think they should be allowed to vote. Despite Labour's plans for lowering the vote, they only polled 500 16 - and 17-year-olds, to be honest, but 49 % don't think the voting age should be lowered. Well, 51 % said it should. And only 18 % of them surveyed said they would definitely vote if there was an election. So very, very interesting. Now, this means, actually, that by the next election... When is that? It must be three years. They've only been in for a year. Yeah, it's been a couple of months.

38:40I mean, they've only been in for a year. Look at the fucking shit they've done. I mean... Well, haven't done. But that means that my little Dixie will be allowed to vote. How do we feel... She was like, mummy, who should I vote for?

38:51Anna Williamson:Right, but how do we feel about 16-year-olds voting, right? Because I sort of feel that in order to be able to vote, you need to have... I think you need to be fully at an age where you are fully contributing to what you are voting for. Yeah, that's a good point. And now I'm not opposed to 16 year olds voting. But to your point, Lou, it does feel like a very desperate tactic to try and rally around more votes. But I think for me, I think voters, you should only be allowed to vote when you are having to take on the consequences of what the outcome of that vote is, if that makes sense. Well, do you know what?

39:33Interestingly, okay, they asked them who would make the best prime minister from leaders of the main parties. 39 % said Keir Starmer, probably because that's the only one they'd fucking heard of. 26 % said Nigel Farage. Right. 18, Kemi Badenoch, and 16 % Ed Davey. Anyway, they then presented them with a list of other politicians and influential public figures. And the most popular politician was the former Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, because obviously they must have heard of him. 12 % said they strongly approve of Corbyn. Anyway, but the highest approval of the, because they're not politicians, they just gave them influential people.

40:15Right, I see, I see. Well, Greta Thunberg, they thought, 27%. MrBeast, who's the YouTuber, 21%. I couldn't believe that. And Jeremy Clarkson, 17%.

40:24Anna Williamson:I couldn't believe that that's why people, that generation have come out with that vote, to be honest. The Young People Survey said the most important issues for them was the economy, 30%. Healthcare, 28%. Crime and law and order, 25%. Israel-Palestine, 25%. And immigration, 23%. Issues like climate change, housing and education, interestingly, were much further down the list. Oh, that's because they're 16 and still living at home. Wait till they're 21 and can't afford a house. Well, this is it because it's off their radar. They don't understand the complexities around housing. Do you know what?

41:03Interestingly, if you think about what you constantly see on social media, it's the crime stuff. I'm always having stuff popping up about London, like this stabbing, that stabbing. you know it's so depressing immigration immigration and the war between Israel and Palestine so they're the

41:21Anna Williamson:things and climate and particularly I think of this generation you know our kids generation quite rightly climate is a huge thing so we'll see we'll see if that does come in and how it will pan but interestingly they said they want compulsory lessons in school on politics and democracy before being able to vote I agree with that I agree with that I actually think that we teach like I've been you know Dixie's got GCSEs next year and on holiday we were doing some revision together and a lot of that shit. Model mother? You just don't fucking use it though do you? What was she having to learn about?

41:53And it would be better, we were doing like biology, I actually really like biology but you know, I just think you're not going to use it are you? I think politics.

42:00Anna Williamson:And actually more practical things. Yeah, politics, finances, financial education. Financial, accounting. So important. That sort of stuff. It's practical. You know, AI, she is doing computer science so she is doing like the AI encoding but we teach them a lot of shit that is outdated now yeah i think there's a big movement of people trying to bring those topics in but anyway let us know do you think the vote should be lowered please write in to us lorana everything lorana.com we did touch on this actually just earlier when we were talking about the um mecca with becca so you haven't heard about this but there is an influence emily kaiser and emma has put this into news stories so i was correct her Her husband is facing a child abuse charge after her toddler son Trigg drowned in the pool.

42:44So she's a TikTok star. I don't follow her. I've actually never heard of her. I imagine Bex has.

42:50Anna Williamson:Is she big? She's huge. Bex is telling us. She vlogs a family on TikTok. So she's facing charges. No, she's not. Her husband is. Her husband is facing charges for the drowning and the death of their three-year-old son. It's caused a media frenzy. I mean, my head's clearly been in the sand. Well, she's American as well. So we, you know, we don't really follow people like her, do we? We just, many of you probably will that are listening. Yeah, but so Trigg, he fell into their pool at their home in Phoenix, Arizona on May the 12th. He died in hospital a week later. That's secondary drowning, isn't it?

43:27Anna Williamson:Yeah, regularly posts on social media until the accident. And her silence has had many fans speculating about what might have happened. Well, her son's died, sweetie. She's probably not going to be wanting to post. to me. Of course she's got 4.1 million followers on TikTok and eventually and I saw this she had to go on TikTok and address why she's been AWOL. And what did she say? I thought she did. Oh Bex is saying she hasn't, she's been completely silent. Oh it only came out because the police confirmed that Trigger died. Right, in a shocking turn of events here, local police announced on Wednesday that they had completed their investigation and they had submitted a file to the Mari Copa County attorney's office and it recommends that brady kaiser 28 who is trigg's father faces a case for felony child abuse class sorry class for felony child abuse charge according to arizona state law a person commits child abuse if they cause physical injury to a child or a vulnerable adult but it's also considered child abuse if a person in custody of a child causes them to be in a situation where they're endangered he fell in the pool under his care under his care and so basically they're saying that his charges are made certainly for criminal negligence.

44:34This is really, really sad. He was the one home with Trigg and they had a newborn son as well when he drowned. He said that he only lost sight of Trigg for three to five minutes and Emily wasn't at home at the time.

44:49Anna Williamson:He told police that Trigg had been playing near the pool. It generally had a protective cover on it and noted it was not uncommon for the toddler to play in the backyard area. Brady told police he was taking care of the baby when he lost sight of the toddler returning to the backyard a few minutes later to find Trigg floating in the pool. I mean, it is absolutely awful. And you're right, Emily hasn't spoken publicly. Sorry, I was wrong about that. So the only info that's come out, so has she just posted nothing? Gosh. And actually this, you know, obviously her world is just falling apart, her child's drown, but on a practical level, her whole income will be from that TikTok account.

45:27Wow, yeah. And her husband's.

45:29Anna Williamson:The thing is, but there's also their whole relationship, you know, everything. I mean, talk about, I mean, like we said at the beginning of this podcast, we actually didn't know that Emma would put that story in. Well done, Imogen. You always have the finger on the pulse. But, you know, the importance of, you know, but also, you know, this might sound a bit controversial. As awful as it is and for him, but, God, it just happens. I know. You can't have your kids playing around a pool and they can't swim. You really can't. I feel bad for them. That's just awful. Do you know what? But this is why we actually had, we used to have two ponds in our garden and we had the two ponds taken out.

46:02Anna Williamson:In our old house, we filled the ponds in. Honestly, for that reason, I said it was the frogs. It wasn't just the frogs. It was genuinely, because at any point, and we live in the countryside by design and we wanted it to be as safe as possible. Well, when we first bought this house, obviously there's a huge lake and there's a swimming pool, outdoor and an indoor pool. And we were really worried about the lake and we talked about whether to fence the lake off. And it just so happened actually that when we then finally renovated it and moved in, the kids were old enough and the lake is quite a distance from the house.

46:35So if you were looking after a little one, you'd notice they were gone before they got to the lake. So we decided not to. And then the pool outside, we've now put a fence around. But the first summer we just moved in and I had a friend come to stay from Dubai. She's got four kids and her twins and we put a different cover on the pool. and straight away her son, bearing in mind he lives in Dubai, just ran over the pool and luckily we'd put that cover on it. It's so bad.

47:02Anna Williamson:It can happen in the split second. Really bad. But that family now are paying the consequences for that. Oh, it's so sad. It's awful for everybody. Awful, awful situation. Be careful, guys. Right. Right, I don't know how we segue into something more positive but we're going to try and do it without the same press. Probably with an ad break. Yes, exactly. But here we go. So, we're doing it again, babes. What? we are doing another competition where you can win a ridiculous amount of money so it's not 10 grand no it's not it's not 15 grand it's not it's not 20 grand it's not 20 ,000 pounds it's not even 50 is it not 50 no go on keep guessing it's six figures babe it's only 100 blimming K it is so this is it guys we have decided it's one of our biggest giveaways it is we've decided to jump back in to give you guys the chance to win£100 ,000.

47:55Anna Williamson:£100 ,000. That is life-changing, Lou. You could escape your children over the summer holidays with that. £100 ,000. You could just not tell anyone that you'd won a massive£100 ,000. You could just float off for the rest of the holiday, employ a nanny... You could pay for a private jet. Disappear. Yeah. One leg. Yes. Anyway, listen, for your chance to win a massive£100 ,000, text the word LUANA to 82200. That's L-U-A-N-N-A to 82200. Text cost$250 plus your standard network rate. You need to be 18 or over and live in the UK. Lines close at 11pm on Monday 25th of August 2025. To see a full list of participating media channels, plus the Ds and Cs, including online and free entry, go to the win page at globalplayer.com slash win.

48:40Anna Williamson:Woo!

48:44Right, let's move on. It's time for...

48:46Anna Williamson:It's a Widow of the Week! First up, anonymous, so Audrey. Sorry, Lou. That's all right. Hey, Imo, it says. Well, do you know what? It's not Imo. It's not Imo, but Imo did pick up the bat phone on this. She says, I think I have an Is It Weird. So in the mornings, I can hear the bird sing. And when I hear a bird singing the same song, I feel really sad. Because the reason Mr. Bird keeps singing is because he hasn't found a mate. You are putting a lot of effort into this, Bobes. I've been hearing Mr. Bird the last couple of days, and it breaks my heart. Like this poor bird is just trying to find a partner in this cruel world, and no one is going for him.

49:21Anna Williamson:Why not? I mean what's wrong with him he's clearly a good bird rejected committed dedicated to finding a mate I feel so sad for him I just want him to find his birdie bride is it weird to be so emotionally invested in a bird's love life yes you need to get out more right Em says hey Lou Annamore hey Lou Annamore hello more I love you guys so much I'm an OG day one listener welcome my lover I have a widow of the week for you I get real joy and a warm happy feeling when I do a whopper of a fart and it ripples through my fanny lips. You get a little tickle. I can relate. I can relate. It's such a satisfying feeling and sometimes if it's a biggin you almost have to rearrange your seating position after.

50:02Thanks for the laughs. Em from Welling. I mean nothing to add other than I think we can all relate to that.

50:07Anna Williamson:It is good when you get the air flaps. It's like your fanny's going to take off. I was reading an article yesterday about the new procedure on vagis where you when you inject salmon sperm, the polynucleotise. Apparently it gives a heightened sensation. So I could only get like puffy a labia. Do you think we should try it? Should we blag a funny sperm? Well, the journalist had blagged it and she did say it was brilliant and it did enhance sex. Okay, we need to blag it. I think we need to blag it. Anyone that wants to give us salmon sperm in the nun, we're here for it. Salmon sperm, puff vag. Like a puffer fish.

50:46Anna Williamson:Well, the weirdo has to be the bird lady. Yeah. Crazy bird lady. Because we like the rippling of our fanny lips. Quite honestly, we're completely here for it. The flap ripple. The flapple. The flapple fart. The flapple. Perfect. Well, congratulations. We hope that the bird has found a mate by the time we've read this out. Bloody bird. I've got a bloody blackbird outside my window, and every sodding morning it's cheeping and chirping, and it's damn annoying. See, it hasn't found a mate. Annoying. It's a lonely blackbird. Okay, I've said it before. I'm going to say it again, because people didn't get the fucking memo.

51:19if you are going on holiday and your luggage comes round the carousel you don't need to stand within an inch of the carousel also what's worse is your fucking rug rat children near the carousel make your children step the fuck back I say it to my kids all the time why are you trying to stand near there you're getting in the way I'm going to take you out with my bag I did it didn't I in front I told you I took someone out with my fucking bag You don't need to stand next to the carousel. If everybody just stands the fuck back two metres. Look at the lines, Lou. Look at the lines. Right, but you can stand back.

51:59You can see when your bag is coming out. When you clock your bag, eyes, lock on, bag, coming round. Step forward. It's my turn. Remove bag. Fuck off and walk away. What doesn't help is the belt wankers. Okay, they're standing. No one can see whether their bag's coming out. Classically gyrating. Their fucking kids are there. Like, why are your kids there standing so close to the belt? They're not going to pick up a bag. They're not going to pick up a bag.

52:26Anna Williamson:They're not going to pick up a 23 kilogram bag. Exactly. Fuck off with your kids, your annoying snotty kids. And trolleys. And your trolley. This is my protocol. The belt protocol. Do it. Right. Okay. Number one. Yes. Stand two metres back from the belt. Number two. Put your trolley another one metre back from the belt. Correct. Number three, sit your kids down on the seats that are conveniently located close to the belt. Sit down. They can sit there. Get the fuck out. Number four, you lock on your bag. It's coming round. Move forwards. Go. You stand near the belt. Your bag comes. You take your bag.

53:04You remove it. You put it on the trolley. Then you stand two metres back again. The next bag. Eyes locked on. You go forwards. You get the bag. You don't need the whole fucking plane of 300 people standing. Dry humping the belt. Like sardines next to the belt. Everyone's dry humping the belt. Belt wankers. Fuck off. There's a fucking protocol and it pisses me off. And then you're fighting to get through. Their bag isn't even there. So why are you standing close to the belt?

53:32Anna Williamson:Not even there, Lou. And do you know what I do? I whip my fucking bag. I stand back and then I march forward through that crowd. I part it like Moses parted the fucking sea and I get my bag and I whop it off like that and then it hits people on the way out. I'm fucking happy and I don't apologise because you're a belt wanker and you deserve to be hit by my overweight Samsonite suitcase. Go fuck yourself. Belt wankers, you have been told. It's holiday season. This is an issue. Back off. It's a major fucking issue. Back off. I'm hot now. It's a good rant. It's a great rant. Couldn't relate more to be honest.

54:08Anna Williamson:Fucking pisses me off. Yeah, it does. it's literally literally the pain of my life but why doesn't logic prevail do you know what also I get why don't people think oh my bag's not there but also it's when someone thinks that it is their bag and then they go they're already crowding it dry humping literally wiping their genitals on the conveyor belt they go and then half oh there's my bag wait wait it's not your bag they go for it they half pull it off they realise it's not their bag do they push the bag back on no they don't Lou they leave it half half on half off And that's even more of a hazard.

54:40I always check. Well, I put now, do you know what I bought? I'll link it on Amazon. I bought suitcase. Wrappers. Straps. Straps, yep. And so I just put a nice coloured suitcase strap on my bag. I recommend, well, I don't recommend people do that, actually, because then everyone will do it. But I'm going to personalise my suitcase straps with my Cricut machine. And I do a sticker. I have a sticker on mine as well. Like, you know, so it's quite bloody obvious. Like Williamson family. Yeah, exactly. There you go. Hands off. No, I bought these straps and I also bought these luggage tags, which are like, hands off, not your bag.

55:14I do. Just stand the fuck back.

55:17Anna Williamson:But also the exciting bit for me sometimes, not the exciting bit, the gutting bit for me sometimes, where I go, when you see people, the belt number comes up and they go rushing and they all crowd around where they think the bags are coming out. And then they come out the other side. And then you're like, gutted, gutted. Motherfuckers. There you see, if you just sat back and waited for the beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, and the belt to start, you wouldn't then look like a knob. Now, I do have to also remind my children of this. Oh, my children. They try and get close. But at least I say to my kids, back the fuck up, rug rat.

55:51Anna Williamson:Back up. And it gives you a good chance. I do it with my kids too, to give you a good chance, to loudly. That's what I do. And loudly announce it to everyone. I tell mine off really loudly. Children, it's very annoying. Yes, that's what I do. And very, very bad etiquette to be standing. So back up, as in everybody else take notes. I'm like, guys, you're too close. You're so close. You don't need to be here. You're a child. You can't lift the bag. And the bags aren't even out yet. So why you're standing so close, I don't know. Hint, hint, motherfucker, belt wankers. Hint, hint. I think you are...

56:21Anna Williamson:You should be wearing a high-vis. You need to be wearing a high-vis, Lou. It's got to be done. Belt wanker. Belt wanker, yeah. Do you know what I should print off? Stickers for people. And I should just go around bumping the stickers on them. Belt wanker, belt wanker, belt wanker. I challenge you, next time you're flying, which is a lot, I want you to get that high vis on. It's on Monday. And parade like a perimeter fence around that sort of foot section between person and belt. We should just buy a flight and do a flight so we could get this content. I mean, I'm there for it. It does piss me off.

56:53Anna Williamson:Do you know what we should do? We should just book a flight one day, the cheapest flight, go wherever it is, fly in, do a night, fly back out just to get the content. I wonder where the cheapest flight would be. I mean, could be anywhere. Could be anywhere. Probably Estonia. I mean, who bloody knows? But also, we would never get this footage, because I would say to add to that in the airport ranty gripes, is people that then piss about with the electronic passport machines in immigration. I know, the eye roll is there, Lou, because when I just came back, logic doesn't prevail for a lot of people.

57:29Anna Williamson:You can see when there's a green light that says that kiosk is free. very simple you go in passport in look at the camera done it takes all of what six seconds take your fucking hat off take your glasses off and the amount of people that are in out jeffing about and it's like in out jeffing about I was at immigration I can't remember where I landed somewhere and anyway and the immigration it might have been Greece and the immigration officer someone like came next to me it was like double B's he's standing there with dark sunglasses and a hat on and the guy's like can you take off your sunglasses and hat and he's like what?

58:04And the guy's like, your sunglasses and hat can you take them off? What? And in the end I went he wants you to take off your sunglasses and hat because he can't see your fucking face. And the guy started laughing the immigration guy and he was like, oh sorry and I was like, how do you not realise that clearly this person needs to see your face? They were like Oakley skiing sunglasses. I mean it's like the guy was in fucking disguise. Anyway listen, enough ranting, that's it for this just don't be a fucking belt wanker or a passport wanker

58:33Anna Williamson:that's also really annoyed me recently we will be back here on Monday if you don't want to wait until then on Thursday we do have Luana Totally Extra and for that as always we need you our wonderful Lufanians you can send your emails in to us Luana at everythingluana.com you can also hop onto WhatsApp send us a voice or a message our number is 07745 266 947 we would love you to follow the podcast if you're not already please it really helps us top right press follow now Exactly. Tell someone else about us as well and get them to listen to us. We would really, really appreciate a five-star review.

59:06Anna Williamson:It's really quick and simple to do, but it makes all the difference. Love you guys. Have a great week. And don't be a belt wanker. Over and out.