'He went in as a Powder Puff and came out as a skinned Greyhound'

23:48Anna Williamson:It's the record circle. The record circle. It's the record circle. Da-da-dum. Seamless. So out of sync because we're remote. Imo does a great job of making that work. Does she? I don't listen back. And I hope that some other people don't listen back to this episode this week. We can only hope. After our chance. I think if we could please sort of put a sort of a ban on the airwaves around the Stansted area. um that would be good good um so we're really trying not to laugh we were saying earlier guys i've literally just come from today for family barbecue because it's it's a birthday month july my family and my bloody cousins who i love um and we're really close actually but there's loads of them and they were all digging me out for the pod they're like oh yeah you know when he talked about our nana dead nana and i was like he's also their nana because you forget how many people listen i know and i'm like oh no then i had like my cousin's kids be like oh yeah you talked about oh no i said how do you know about that right right um well i've got a good one i've got a watch okay go on you launch a watch a what as in not as in a watch along i'm stormy emos um emos domain this one um i'm gonna big do a big up here for channel five right okay okay i know something this but i used to work channel five actually i used to do channel five um milkshake back in the day and various other programs but i think sometimes channel five gets a bit of a sort of the poor relation to some of the bigger networks yeah they have honestly got such amazing dramas like they have put some proper budget and honestly into their dramas i would say they definitely arrive being like the itv dramas and stuff like that honestly so this i kept seeing this on my algorithm on my instagram if I give it a go because it's starring Charlie Brooks who used to be Janine and he's done oh yeah really good it's on channel five like I just got the channel five app but you can obviously wherever you get channel five you can do that on the telly and everything else um it's called on cellar on cellar it's called lie with me okay so on channel five lie with me um it's a four-part drama psychological thriller um it's a real kind of whodunit and the premise is um english woman played by john brooks um something happened in the uk she had an australian husband they all lived in the uk with their kids something happened in the uk so they all went and emigrated to australia for a new start and then nanny joins the family and there we have the biggest twisted dot dot dot and it is really really good how many um episodes so four reps hour-long episodes, four episodes, really good.

26:41Anna Williamson:I actually spent, you know it's a good one, where you spend all day waiting for the evening to come because you're desperate to watch the next one. So Channel 5, Lie With Me, Starring Charlie Brex, really, really good drama. That's mine. Well, I was going to do a watch as well, but no. I can't remember what it's called. I might have to quickly. Brilliant. Hold on. Hold, hold. Let me just find out what it's called. Hold caller. Yes, on Netflix. go on shipwrecked nightmare at sea i've seen that watched it no i've seen it up in the top 10 though and i holy shimoli it's about the cruise ship do you remember like yes yes like in italy or some somewhere in italy and then it it basically was the cruise ship and it like fucking capsized and went down it's a good watch and let me tell you i've never been keen on cruises anyway i will not be going on a cruise after watching that thank you really that's that's my concern about what i mean yeah that's i mean i don't like the idea of cruises anyway i'm not a massive i know that we've been on boats together but i always like dock at night like i would never sleep at sea like or sail through the night or any of that shit like that is just a no for me and then you watch that it's fucking scary and what's worse is the negligence of the really yeah the captain it's so bad you've got to watch it people died like 30 something people died and like a little and children yeah really bad and it's and they didn't need to die like they didn't need to die i just know i saw that all over it and i was like oh my god and then because i watched that it then said like recommended for you and you know that submarine that they went missing i've Watch that one.

28:30The Titan.

28:31Anna Williamson:Titan, yes. That's fucked, isn't it? That guy was such a psychopath. Didn't we talk about that when it first came out? Did we? I can't remember. Maybe Emma and I watched it. I hadn't seen it. I think you hadn't watched it, but Emma and I had. Because that whole story fascinated me when that came out. And I just felt so sorry for the younger lad that went with his dad. I know. He didn't even want to go. I know. And I think for me, I think because I have like such a fear of being trapped, Like, it's like my worst nightmare, like worst nightmare. It was tiny. But also, what was so crazy about that, when that Titan thing happened, I, to be honest, it sounds a bit thick.

29:09I didn't really understand, like, how they died. I was like, well, I don't get it. Like, what happened? What happened? Like, what do you, like, it doesn't make sense. It just, like, exploded. But then when you watch it, it's like it just literally just implodes. And then they would have just exploded. Like their bodies would have just like gone because of the pressure, I guess.

29:36Anna Williamson:I don't know. It's fucked up. I don't know, but I would imagine it was, yeah, like a bomb gone off. Anyway, three recos there to watch. You've got the Titan one, shipwrecked, and Lie With Me. Is that what you said? Lie With Me with Channel 5. And it's holiday season, so people might just be wanting a few more little watch-alongs. So let us know. If you want to join in Recosec as well, do send them in. And also on the Facebook group as well, everything Luana official. Lots of you like to share yours as well.

30:05Let's crack on with some messages. We've got a message from Manonso Bisou. Hi, Luana. I flew Nice on Sleazy Jet yesterday. ah and tried louise's tip of buying the seat next to me for more space i bought it in my daughter's name and checked her checked her and i in the day before i was incredibly smug sat there thinking i basically created my business class seat arrangement by paying a premium however a guy came and said that's my seat pointing to the one next to me i told him that i had paid for that seat for my daughter he said the airline overbooks and wait to see who doesn't turn up and then reallocates the seat oh this has never happened to me i feel really bad what if they've been on standby so i paid for two seats but only got to enjoy one i just wanted to flag it as it was a tip that didn't work unfortunately on rocco second i didn't want others to fall foul of this annoyingly after lose airline rant about ryanair money grabbing over luggage charges this also means easy jet are pocketing two payments for one seat love the pod and love louise's usual tits so i won't hold it against her i'll be listening from the villa all summer in the south of france i listen while swimming in my pool on my waterproof headphones i often splat water out through giggles as i swim along i wish to remain anonymous but please can we be soon well do you know what that has never happened to me because normally if you check in and you just do it as hand luggage they don't really know until like the very last minute that you're not on the flight and also people like check-in seats to use to put like their wedding dress on and stuff I would like someone from an

31:42Anna Williamson:airline to perhaps help us out with this yeah that's never happened to me I feel really bad I'm so sorry that happened to you you record in good faith because it's I record in good faith because that is very interesting that hasn't happened to me but then I would suggest I would say you know me my number one value of fairness but I would still say that if you've paid for that I get people that go on standby okay because they oversell the flights and we are in really busy flight season now as well but I still maintain that if you've paid for that seat that is your seat well what if you're really fat and you need two seats to sit on yeah I have a friend of mine who is what do they do quite big and they and they do buy two seats because they also bless them so they feel bad for other people yeah and they think it's just more respectful to them saying it you know not suggesting they should they that's what they do but I would still maintain if you've bought something it's like consumer rights if you've bought something like and if they and if the airline want to then fill that seat and perhaps they there is some jurisdiction that says that they have the overriding say but then they should refund that seat maybe they think you're not using it so you use it or lose it but what if you are using it like because what if you have got like a wedding dress or you need a bigger seat because of your size like oh I don't know I'd like someone to clarify this yeah we need clarification I feel really bad now that I record and you spent good money and it didn't work out for you I'm sorry about that don't worry we have lots of we have lots of um airline crew actually that listen to this so perhaps someone can like message in to luana and everything luana.com and give us some intel also can we just say while we're pimping out our email address there have been so many scams I basically my cousin's friend received an email from like a gmail Luanna address and what what we're seeing is that these scammers are pretending to be us and they're inviting people onto Luanna and offering them like three thousand dollars which should be a sign anyway but my bless my cousin's friend he went as far as to have a zoom call with these scammers and he was quite suspicious at the end because a little Indian man was on the zoom call stop it but someone was actually on the end of the zoom call they did a zoom call like pretending they were booking him as talent they're going over what we what we would call micro influencers yes they are people with under a hundred thousand followers that obviously are trying to grow their following and that's the kind of people that they're going after well and and even more i actually meant to private message you and the team about this yesterday and i totally forgot because i had another message last night from my friend dr tara who i do so let's go dating with yeah she just ran your message me so hey babe she's like so cool you've got my friend i won't say his name but he's um he's an american like does what she does he's an american sexologist like got a big you know he's quite she's probably thinking why have you asked my friend well probably she bless her heart and she was like oh my god that's so cool he's amazing you'll love him he's just told me saying he's buzzing to do your show and I was like oh my god I was like babe is it did it come from a gmail can you ask him and I said hey if we were ever to have a sexologist on you know but she was like oh shit yeah and I was like please apologize to him but he's in the states I also had my friend um Tyler West who many people know he was also reached out he straight away was like this is bullshit right yeah yeah so just flagging this guys here at Luana Lu and I have never in the eight years of Luana had any guests on our podcast except except episode two yes we had blissful baby expert blissful baby expert lisa but we never did it again but in fairness we do obviously do live shows we do have our luana big party in october and we do obviously have people that we do welcome into team luana on a kind of ad hoc basis at times but as the present we are not looking to recruit anybody for any of our live shows any of our podcast shows and if you do it will come from an official email which will be endofeverythingluanna.com email.

35:51Anna Williamson:So yeah, please be aware of scammers because we're feeling really bad. And the scammers are pieces of shit. Go and get a real job. It's crazy. It's like, it's crazy, isn't it? It's like Tara's like, oh my God, my friend's buzzing. And I was like, oh no, I feel so awful. I know. Anyway, it's been bad. It's been wild. Also though, quite a compliment to us that we're of note enough that there are now scammers out there pretending to be us. But also on the flip side, thanks for everyone for wanting to be part of Luana. Like everybody could be like, no, they're shite. Also, if we ever did invite anyone, we wouldn't pay them$3 ,000.

36:25It's like way too much.

36:26Anna Williamson:Lu and I are cheapskates notoriously with our team. We did this podcast for free for long enough. This is case in point of what cheapskates we are, and it actually cracked me up. You will see on our Everything Luana Instagram page that we recently did a baguette or naan throw, and the comment the social media manager Bex put going, We then ate the baguette that Anna flung across the lawn for our team lunch. She's not even joking. That baguette got wiped through duck shit and whatever Crumple had been doing, and we still cut it up and put it on everyone's plates for lunch. That's how we roll here.

37:02Anna Williamson:Pennies don't make them, was it, what's it? Pounds? Pennies, pounds. Look after themselves. Something about pennies turning into pounds. Message from Hannah. Hannah, she says, good morning, lovely ladies. Hope you're all well. Love the pod. And you ladies. Thank you, darling. I'm after a bit of advice and I hope you can help. Here's a bit of a backstory before I ask. Me and my amazing partner, Mark, met when I started working in Anna's favourite supermarket, Aldi, 14 years ago. We had a love-hate relationship, which turned into the perfect love story two years later. Sadly, only six weeks ago, the love of my life.

37:36Anna Williamson:Oh, darn it. And the father of our beautiful son. That's really sad. Yeah, passed away suddenly at the young age of 48. This is like my friend who passed away the other week. It's so sad. He had returned to work only two days before, as he had been off for six months after having an unexplained seizure at work. As you can imagine, it has been a massive shock. And I still replay the moment that the police officers came to tell me the horrific news. Our son is only 10. So having to tell him that his daddy had died was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. As it was a sudden death, we have to wait for the investigation to be complete before we have the cause of death.

38:09Anna Williamson:this is also another painful process for anyone to go through especially when in my opinion uh the grieving should start after the funeral so here's why i asked for advice i feel like i should somehow be grieving his loss i miss him so much but i feel nothing is this is so normal honey we'll get onto this don't worry it's worrying me that i will never feel the sadness of his death and i don't want anyone or him to think i didn't love him because he was the most amazing person and made me so happy whilst i understand it's only been six weeks i'm still feeling like there's something wrong with me not feeling any sort of emotion around this is that normal to feel nothing is there a possibility that i wouldn't never feel the sadness of his death i'm just really starting to hate myself for this so do you think i should speak to someone about the way i'm feeling or just wait until everything is final please help her mama out love you all hannah from south wales this is really sad that's so sad you're probably in like shock no i mean you're no more about this I will.

39:04Anna Williamson:So I'm just Googling something just to help you out here. So firstly, just, yeah, as you say, both of us here just want to say how sad and sorry we are for your loss. And you are in a situation where my friend is also actually the friend of ours, our friend's husband who passed away, who is also our friend. And she has found herself with two young children now. Slightly different circumstances, but, you know, nonetheless, absolutely tragic. it's really really common more common than not actually to feel complete numbness after someone has passed away and that can happen for anybody there is no linear way of grieving there is no one right or wrong way or the same way of grieving everyone processes at a different time now somebody do actually never have the big demonstrative bursting into tears but what I would say to you is don't feel like you should that's the word I want to take out of your vocab have because you're feeling as you feel I would imagine at the moment yes you are in um you are your brain actually this helps you when we're grieving and when we have a shock death especially you go your brain shuts down because it sort of goes ah this is too much to cope with I can't cope with this I need to be in I need to be on autopilot I need to get on I need to just get cracking and there is a time and they we typically say in the therapy world to not actually seek bereavement counseling really until four six months post-death anyway oh quite a long time because it often takes that long for the grieving to really start to come out funnily enough my friend mel from rarid at first sight you know she passed away in uh in march and again this is absolutely not anything like you and your darling husband but you know mel was was a mate you know we were best mates but we were mates um but even it was literally last week so where are we now in the summer so yeah four or five months someone asked me about her just randomly in passing and I don't know where it came from I just burst into tears and I don't know and I just suddenly I just sort of it just felt really sad it just felt really sad that she wasn't here anymore and her little girl is and her husband is you know just felt really sad so it grief can creep up on you when you least expect it you might want to look at my husband Alex actually in fact I might even get it off him in a bit and ask and post about it he's he really struggled with grieving um lost upon a someone very close to him um a sharp death as well and following the kubler-ross model okay so in the grief therapy you might also want to look at cruz c-r-u-s-e cruz bereavement is a really good bereavement counseling service you might want to have a look at and that also can help you with talking to children about death as well as supporting yourself but the kubler-ross model this comes from uh so therapists that work in grief which i just talk typically talk about five stages of grief and that is denial which is possibly where you are at the moment anger bargaining depression and acceptance now you can go two steps forward three steps back it's not linear however it's a framework for you to possibly work within to help understand your grieving and I think maybe look at Cruz um just and maybe look at the Kubler-Ross model there's lots of podcasts as well out there and books which can really help with the grieving process and I think that might help normalize what you're going through at the moment but my guess is this will start to come out once the funeral has done and life is continuing for you and take it every day at the moment oh we wish you lots of love and we're so sorry that you're going through that it's terrible terrible my love you're not on your own i lou and i sadly know too many people that are going through this yeah you must go at your pace um right we have another message next from and on so Lynn Gwini, Lynn Gwini.

42:39Lynn Gwini, very good. Hi Luanne, massive fan and all that jazz. I have a rant. It sort of ties into the wife being the prostitute story which by the way I drove into the school with it blaring on my car stereo windows down the looks I got. I am a lazy bitch that loves nothing more than to lie around in the garden enjoying doing nothing. My husband on the other hand is a wonderful man who runs around after everyone including his mum taking her shopping every other week on a rare recent trip I made with hubby to Tesco I spotted a beautiful large egg-shaped garden rocking chair the type where you can ball up and do absolutely nothing all day in I was in love I asked if we could I mean I am quite envious of your ability to just chill uh I asked if we could get it and the hubby grunted and walked off I clocked the price and the massive box that came in making a mental note that it was definitely not a box that would fit in the car with the dog crate in the boot and would have to be a payday mission if I was getting it myself so today wasn't the day skip forward a couple of weeks where all I had been thinking about was that chair and I had even chat GPT'd it into the garden.

44:00My husband was taking his mum shopping, my 12-year-old daughter tagging along as well. He asked if I needed anything. The chair. I will give you sex every day for a week if you come home with that chair. I joked. My husband's eyes lit up and off he went in the car, mother-in-law in the front, daughter in the back and dog crate in the boot. Obviously, I completely forgot to mention the size of the box that came in and remind him to empty the boot but he would see that when it came to purchase and realize it wouldn't fit so no chair for me today I plodded around in the garden whilst he went off he took forever I heard the door go a couple of hours later but no one appeared being a lazy fucker I couldn't be asked to go and see who I love that she just owns it I couldn't be asked to go and see who or what was at the door so I plodded around for another hour then my husband appeared looking extremely pissed off.

44:51Then my daughter came to me. I could instantly see she had been holding back tears and she broke down crying in my arms as she told me the story. Dad bought the chair, but the chair didn't fit in the car with everyone and the shopping and the dog crate. So daddy and granny left our daughter at the shop, who was 12, whilst daddy and granny took the shopping home then daddy came back and got my daughter half an hour later with an empty car and no granny he dropped her home along with all of our shopping at the front door I was fuming but also secretly delighted why didn't my mother-in-law stay behind with my daughter who would leave a child crying alone at miles from home how could she do this old people are so selfish I ranted out loud and apologized to my daughter he then properly reminded me about her team you basket said that daddy would buy it for her if she stayed behind then the giggle set in the picture of my husband grinning like a cheshire cat wheeling the chair out to the car thinking he was going to have sex every day for a week then the look of realization the box wasn't going to fit apparently he took everything out and then played desperate for a shag she's probably too lazy to shag him.

46:07I then played Tetris, rearranging the contents of the car in the hope that everything fits back in. Tinted with the image of my mother-in-law standing there, demanding she was taken home, sat in the front like the queen she is, whilst my daughter has been left behind, alone, crying at the shop. She's only 12. In fact, my husband paid an absolute fortune for a roof rack to be fitted a couple of weeks before that. He so blatantly missed the opportunity to use. Baffles my mind a bit. Needless to say, my husband was so pissed off. He refused to make the chair. I was pissed off that he left our daughter behind and my son was pissed off because I made him put the chair together and my daughter was traumatised but delighted because she got to order a load of shit from Timu.

46:53The week of promised sex was in fact one very quick quickie and that was that. but my chair is delightful used daily i will forever be named as the sex chair even though my husband refuses to sit in it win-win in my eyes peace out keep doing what you're doing written in said sex chair whilst my husband takes mother-in-law shopping

47:21Anna Williamson:oh like i said did he say that man is desperate for a shag i mean his whole story is gold oh they only had to quit quickly after all that remember if you want to get in touch email us Luanna at everythingluanna.com or you can drop us a whatsapp on 075 215 64640

47:49Anna Williamson:right newsy bits this is an interesting story and a young lady who has been a news a lot about this jesse nelson um of little mix has welcomed plans to test newborns um for debilitating muscle wasting condition spinal muscular atrophy atrophy now many people know sma yeah many people were you aware of this lou before jesse started never heard of it never heard of it no and this is it i think it's not until somebody of profile speaks up about these conditions that something you know awareness is made i think i talked about strep b in the past and this is no yeah but again i remember a friend of mine that had a really poorly baby thankfully was okay in the end and I didn't know that you could be tested for strep b you know lots of these things just aren't talked about so Jessie is is campaigning hard um so newborn because her twins as I'm sure many of you will know her twins were born with SMA are they identical twins then I don't know I'm going to say yes and that's I think yes because they both have it like maybe maybe but so the newborn babies across England will be tested for SMA, a rare condition.

48:57Anna Williamson:It's amazing. Yeah, which causes progressive muscle wastage from the end of this year, the Department of Health has now announced. So what is SMA? Many of us don't know. It's a rare condition that causes progressive muscle weakness and loss of movement. It can affect a child's ability to breathe and swallow and it can leave babies unable to sit up, crawl or walk. Now, it's awful. Horrible. Terrible, terrible. It's estimated that around 70 babies are born with a condition each year in the UK. And SMA is often grouped into types based on the age at which symptoms begin and how it can affect sitting, standing and walking.

49:30Anna Williamson:According to NHS, around 1, just over 1 ,000 people in England are living with SMA, types 1, 2 or 3. There is no cure for this, but early treatment can delay the progressive nature of it and help children live longer. Because I saw a video with her and she was saying that her children's lives would have, would look different if she had have known about it from when they were newborn. and I think she found out when I don't know when they're maybe eight months old or something but it's it and you know what it you know they do that heel prick test which they already do so this test is just going to be offered as part of that um but it's crazy isn't it because we didn't I'd never heard of it and it was brought to light by Jessie um she's got twins Ocean Jade and Story Monroe um they were diagnosed with the condition at the start of this year um and And basically, she said the diagnosis means they're unlikely to ever be able to walk or regain their neck strength.

50:25So I think that they're losing, they've lost that ability even in their neck. Like she said, after years of campaigning, it means so much to see the heel prick test for SMA being rolled out from October, with implementation continued throughout 2027 until every newborn screening laboratory across the UK is offering the test.

50:44Anna Williamson:um it's just I think I think to offer these tests is so important because it is so um it's so devastating for the families involved um and I I can only imagine you know how it how it must feel for Jessie and I think she's an extraordinary woman actually and clearly an extremely loving mom who's doing it by herself as well um I believe she's no longer with the the twins father oh isn't she no and I and I think sad as well because it's stuff like this that pulls relationships apart. It's just so hard. So hard. And actually, the statistics around parents, one in five parents break up in the first year of having a baby anyway, let alone when you've got other stresses that are involved.

51:30Anna Williamson:So yeah, it's been rolled out. It's been put down in the past. So many things are with health as a postcode lottery. But I think this is one that hopefully is being overturned. So well done, Jessie. interestingly in scotland they've been offering this test since march interesting yeah but that's it's just heartbreaking especially when you know you can obviously it's not curable but you can treat it to make living with it easier yeah anyway right next new story these chic limited edition shit shoes promise healthier poop i'm in there's a gut health brand um giving bath and breaks a stylish upgrade with a chic new alternative to the squatty potty debuting debuting debuting a limited edition pair of shoes that can help make trips to the toilet a smoother experience so basically uh it's this let loose i think it's the company uh i've got a founder and ceo alexandra howell grounds uh she's put an insta video up which has unveiled the product and they're like these very funky we need these so basically have you ever heard that if you put your foot on a stool like a little step stool it helps you poo and you pull your thumbs up because it gets you into position right a good shitty position i say this to my kids my kids are always constipated and they're always bent over going and i'm like you get you how many times have i told people in this podcast get your back on the back of the toilet seat that's how you that and then your knees are on a little chair yes well now you can look very stylish and funky i need these going on these are very funky shoes they're kind of like 60s inspired platforms they say let loose on them they've got a great we'll put a picture up on our socials funky design um they're 69 dollars so fine i mean fine under like under 100 well under 50 quid because that's dollars look it's gonna make you have a good shit every day i'd say wear per shit you're gonna make your money back yeah that is true actually a retro inspired like they're like a chunky slip-on platform sandal um they've got a seven inch lift uh which is designed to raise the knees into a squat like position whilst on the toilet which can help things get moving uh so the the founder of the company said when you sit on the toilet it's not the natural position you're supposed to be into poo back in the olden days we would squat squatting allows your knees to be lifted up seven inches uh for your colon to unkink and your poo to move through so anyway um basically it's got a patent pending they're just available in small and large spend less time pushing and straining and that's that also could help uh prevent hemorrhoids because obviously you're not pushing out so you could definitely do with these oh i could do with these loo me and me anal Fisher which actually has been quite good of recent times but I was at a party the other day a kids party with with Elle and a couple of the mums bless their hearts who have not long had babies terrible piles piles is so not talked about amongst mothers and my god these women I've never had piles these poor women were like their arses and we were just like oh my god like is anyone's arsehole not falling out mine mine yours well yours isn't and my fanny fell out yeah Oh, there you go.

55:10Anna Williamson:Your fanny fell out. So, you know, one out of two ain't bad. Your arse and my fanny.

55:21Well, I'm totally, look, it's your birthday. I'll take some shit shoes. I'm actually going to look them up right now. I wonder if they ship to the UK. maybe if they don't ship to the UK we could potentially become the distributor of them I'm thinking Lou this is our next business

55:44Anna Williamson:this is our Luanna shit shoes oh I've found the Instagram go on go on wow what's the Instagram they're stylish where is it based oh they're American I think everyone should have these as you say if you've got piles you've got anal fissures you get constipated I actually think this is really good especially we all know when we've just given birth to a baby it's hell having a shit for ages after that do you know what I mean? I kept trying to pour water over myself we need to be in the right position can I just say the price has gone up they're$80 now American dollars? let me see if they also sell like capsules of constipation and stuff I think we need to invest I don't know if they ship abroad shall I try and see that would be good say hello we are in the UK we're actually well you're everywhere you live in about eight countries so maybe we can get some knock-offs in your Dubai market when you're back well maybe we can just yeah get them on like China get them from China and just rip her design off potentially Might be a lawsuit.

57:00Just seeing now if they will ship to England for you in your new tour. Let's have a look. Will they ship to England? Yes, they will. Do they?

57:09Anna Williamson:I would. 50 quid. It's a bit spent. 114. Do you want them for your birthday? It's a lot. I mean, I do use a store. So I think I might just use the store. Shall I not get them for you? It's 114 pounds. Thank you for offering. But no, save your money. Remember, look after the pennies. Shall I DM them and say Can I blag a pair Because I'm too tight to pay 100 quid Well thank you for the offer And I absolutely love the product The thought was there The thought counts, thank you Well I love it Right, let's crack on from one weird shitty shoe To another It's time for It's the Widow of the Week Right, oh more shitty actually A non, so the shit inspector I'd like to nominate my husband for Widow of the Week, well actually we are in disagreement about who is the weirdo can you help?

58:03Call me the shit inspector it's become very apparent whilst potty training our daughter that we have very different tactics for wiping our bums after a number two, I do what I think everyone does, wipe and look at the tissue if there is still poo, we'll wipe again, etc, etc until the coast is clear he however insists he just knows when it's clean and he does not look at the tissue he just wipes and then he knows it's clean and it is adamant i am disgusting for my shitty inspecting habits just to add i've never noticed that he has a shitty ass but surely you can't just feel when your bum is clean please agree with me that he is the weirdo

58:52Anna Williamson:We've all been caught out when we... I do do an inspection on the toilet paper. Because I've been caught out, we've all been caught out when we think it's clean, but there's definitely chocolate mousse. And then there's the skidder at the end of the day. Yeah, yeah. Nobody wants skiddy knickers. No one. No one. He's weird. You're not. You have been vindicated. We have settled that bet. Sarah says, hi Luanne, I love the pod and all that jazz. Thought I'd nominate myself for Weirder of the Week. You go, girl. Sometimes if there is nothing sweet in the cupboards and I've got a real craving for something, I'll just make myself a bowl of cake mix and eat the lot.

59:26Wow.

59:26Anna Williamson:Wow. I did it today and it dawned on me it might be a bit weird. No need to keep anonymous. I'm Sarah from Somerset. I think that's weird. I think that's weird. Yeah, I wouldn't make a whole cake. I just would cook the cake. Right. It is also that time, Anna, where we have to decide the weirder of the month. But before we do that, who is weirder this week? I would say it's Sarah eating the cake mix. To be honest, mate, yeah, me too. I mean, I think that's weird to go to all that trouble. Yeah. Okay. Well done, Sarah. Let's round this up, right? So, start of the month, we had Adi Munn, whose colleague dipped her egg sarnies in her tea.

1:00:08Then we had Kirstie, who loves to suck on the pepper army condom. And then we had Rachel's boyfriend, Nate, who, oh, he kept the shower spreadsheet. yeah like but it was intense it was like a ocd like every shower he'd ever had he kept a spreadsheet

1:00:27Anna Williamson:and then he found the optimum time didn't yeah tuesday at seven we took that in uh and then this week obviously sarah eating the cake mix so who is our weird of the month for me it's between the egg sarnies or the shower spreadsheet i i think the shower spreadsheet is a very odd thing to do I'm not just saying it I'm not going Oh me too I was going to say I always have to go back To the name of this item Which is Weirdo Of the Mahan Mahan All of it's pretty weird But it's really weird Doing a shower spreadsheet So for me It's Rachel's boyfriend Nate Congratulations We Nate With your spreadsheet You are the Weirdo of the Mahan Congratulations Go into our prize draw to be the weirdo of the year.

1:01:20Anna Williamson:A weirdo of the year. We should get a small trophy or something. Yes, 100%. Maybe like a sort of poo stick trophy thing. Or a... Oh, my gosh. Some of my parents today, they're going to kill me for saying this. I'm not going to say it. But they're just saying they live quite in the middle of nowhere, mum and dad. So, like, plumbing is often an issue. always has been my brother one of my brothers decided to tell me today that there were lots of people around my parents house and you have to be a bit you know like we go on holiday you put the loo roll in the toilet bin yeah we don't do that they probably should do that Jesus I'm not going to your parents house what are you living in the third world yeah yeah yeah that's why I hate Cyprus because every time I used to go to Cyprus shitty bins you have to put a toilet paper in the bin I fucking hate Cyprus now because of that I won't go I will not go to Cyprus It is bad, I agree.

1:02:17Anna Williamson:No, they don't do that, but they probably should for people that don't know not to overload the lab. And I'm sure one of my children probably went in there and overloaded the lab, the stuffers. And my brother then decided to tell me that when anyone in that household does clog the loo, apparently my mother goes downstairs, gets the fire poker and uses the fire poker to give it a ruddy good arm clog. And it just really made me laugh. She's so small as well, your mum. Massive metal fire poker. Like the length of her. You know it. She's really tickled me. Oh, dear. Right. Now, normally, this is the time of my rant.

1:02:58Yes. I'm actually going to issue a public apology. Why? Well, because, you know, I was very stressed the other week when we were recording. and I didn't want to go and watch Indigo's show because it was like a major heat wave and I was probably a bit, well, you know, I'm very outspoken and I just say things and then my run, can I just say that I ended up going to the play. Oh. Yeah, I did because I felt bad and we finished recording in time. Oh, we did actually, yeah. And I then filmed all the content that I needed to film in time. And I thought, well, I actually have got time now, so I should go.

1:03:46So I did go and I did manage to sit through 10 minutes. And I then left and then I just went to Costa. I was starving because I hadn't eaten and I just got like a nice panini. and they do this really nice iced coffee that I like it was like a 20 minute drive from the school drove there did that drove back to school slipped in just as it was finishing little round of applause at the end so I did go and watch the play um so yeah but my rant was probably a bit um aggressive some might say in its tone and I just I don't think so I thought it was hilarious Well, Indigo went to be.

1:04:36Anna Williamson:I was going to say, who's uses unlike you? Indigo said to be. Come on. Mummy, did you say that my play was shit on your podcast? And I said, well, darling, it wasn't that good, was it? And you didn't have a main part. And she said, because my friend's mummy saw a clip of you on Instagram and she showed my friend. And my friend told me, and I said, well, darling, you know, sometimes reality of things is and she said i can't ever go back to that school now mummy she said it's good that we've got to go back to dubai because i won't be able to go back to that school because the teachers all watch that clomi goes yeah mrs emblin now mrs emblin lovely she's a big lufanian like she loves us and our high high miss them hi hi she's now retired from the school anyway but clomi was like and those teachers work so hard and i was like oh you know what i don't want to take it away from the teachers that clearly do work so hard at these things and it's not your fault that you're dealing with below par talent but it's just not for me and I you know so it's a bit of an apology I don't want to belittle the hard work that those teachers do into wrangling those children but um yeah I just wanted to say sorry to the school um it is good probably that my kids have now left because we are going back to Dubai because maybe they and I would have been banned after that but I just you know I was very stressed it's very stressed and then I and then also can I just say who shows their fucking kids that anyway and then like do you know I mean that's just shitty and shady isn't it we might have a mum that was I don't know what one it was but that's just annoying and then I have to be realistic do you know what I would like to think I'm a realistic mother with my children.

1:06:31There is nothing worse than like you get those people in life that just think that they're amazing at everything or that they can't take criticism. Delusional. They're delusional. Like I am not raising delusional children. I'm raising realistic children. Resilient. Yes. Yes. Yeah. It's true. If you're not good at something, get better at it or do something else that you might be good at. That's what I'm raising. I don't want to be like, oh, darling, that was amazing. Your violin playing was brilliant. It sounds like a screeching cat, okay? And I don't want to hear it. And I want to be able to say that to my children.

1:07:09I don't want to manby-pamby, fluffy-duffy, whippy-woppy, snowflakey.

1:07:15Anna Williamson:But when they do it great, you'll be like, that's great. And they'll be like, I know I've done that really well. Exactly. Exactly. I'm not raising snowflakes here. We need to be realistic with our children's talents. If they were some kind of prodigy, like piano player, I would let them know that. But I'm not just going to, you know, dish out praise like it's going out of fashion here. They need to earn that praise. And let me tell you, parading round in a bonnet, you know, singing chim chiminy chim chim charoo out of tone does not deserve praise. So it's kind of a half apology. and I apologise just to the school and the teachers that work so hard.

1:07:57I do recognise your hard work and I absolutely love that you do that job so that I don't have to put up with my children for eight hours a day. So thank you. But yeah, and I did go. I did go for the start and the end. I love how that. Did you see me, mummy? I said, I saw you. I made sure that I locked eyes. I said, darling, I had to have a work call. I'm so sorry, but I just wanted you to know that I was there and you saw me at the start, didn't you? And you saw me. I totally gaslit her.

1:08:27Anna Williamson:Yeah, yeah. I don't feel bad for that. No, and what I love is that my neuro spiciness couldn't deal with that that day. It was hot as well. It was really hot. It was hot. You were stressed. It was all going on. What I love is that that wasn't a very sweet apology. I'm sorry. Which then turned into a double down rant. And I love that. I love that. I apologize, but I still stand by. Yeah, I do. I apologise. It was basically it. But I stand by it. Yeah, basically. I think it's a hard relay for many. And I did go as well. I did go. Well done. Well done. I'm proud of you. Bex clipped that up and I only read a few of the comments and a lot of them were agreeing and there were a few that were like, oh my God, you're such a bad mum.

1:09:13And I was like, do you know what? If that makes me a bad mum, I will take it. But let me tell you, my children will be resilient. And when their boss at work tells them that they're shit and they need to try harder, that's what they will do. They won't turn around and quit because they can't take it. That's what I'm building a future for.

1:09:32Anna Williamson:They will be like, listen, my mother didn't come to my Mary Poppins chim-chim-a-de-charoo and I'm a better person as a result of it. I can also categorically say, guys, that I know Louisa's children very well and Louisa. And trust me, these kids, they are corkers. and they have the best, best, best upbringing. Do you know what I do to make my kids more resilient? We have family roasts. Enzo was doing that today with his cousins. Yeah, I let them go on ChatGBT as well to get better roasts for each other. And then we do family roasts on car journeys where we just literally take the piss out of each other.

1:10:12Anna Williamson:Well, I don't know how bad your roasts get. I turn around, I've suddenly overheard Enzo to one of his cousins who's a bit older going, yeah well listen your mum's so fat that i was like hang on i was looking at my cousin's like wife and i was like oh and then the kid was like no no it's fine we're just doing rows we're just doing rows i was like yeah i think maybe we need to keep a bit cleaner guys no just do it go for it we do go hard family go home it really chat gbt chimes in it's brilliant the kids love it think it's hilarious or go home yes anyway that's it that's it that is it guys go hard or go home and that is how we roll at Luanna Land.

1:10:49Anna Williamson:Now listen guys, we have loved being with you. We're back on Thursday. Your episode totally extra. Come on, give us some of your meat. Give us some of your meat and two veg. We need you guys to get involved. So please send all of the guff in, your emails to Luanna at everythingluanna.com. You can drop us a WhatsApp, a voice note, a message. Keep it clear please. It's 2075-215-64640. also keep an eye on our socials at everything underscore Luanna that is the only Instagram account that we have please do follow that podcast top right hand corner it really does help us and it helps you get the pod as soon as it drops so you don't have to search for it every week we'd also love you to share the pod with someone send them a little clip send them my rant send them an episode and bring them into the Luanna fam give us a rating and a 5 star review and that's all We will be back on Thursday with Joanna, totally extra.

1:11:48Smell you later. This has been a Global Production.