"Holly Willoughby's YouTube Return: Brave Or Bland?"

0:02This is a global production. Be warned, it's Luana and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, fans and general explicit content. But, you know you love it. You mutined a buyer to escape tax. By the way guys, I'm still paying fucking tax because I had to come back because of that fucking war. So I go butt naked, stick my head in the hole, she comes back in, off we go. I couldn't help myself but I commented anonymously in response. I mean, we've always said everyone's got a traumatic hamster story, but that just takes the biscuit. I've got a handbag, a jacket, two bags actually. Or have you had to do a bloz for any of this?

0:40No, I just got it for free.

0:48Hola. Good morning. Oh, happy holidays. I'm in Portugal. Well, I'm not. Portugal I'm at home at the minute but when this goes out I'm in Portugal in a couple of days time I mean you've been hopping around the summer having your summer holiday of dreams Lou do you know what I'd rather be in one place but our life doesn't do you know what I was gonna say actually well anyway guys welcome to Luana fresh new week we're all in the trenches let's be honest so we're pushing on through this is our therapy every week for ours as well as yours um do you I was thinking this yesterday because I'm back now from my holes and I have to say I'm really happy to be home like I've loved being away but I am really happy just to be but you know me I'm a creature comfort girl but where is home for me exactly you're like a little nomad but do you ever feel like do you love the traveling all the time or do you want to just go I feel like I'd rather be in one place for longer than a week yeah well and also as i'd rather be where my horses are yeah yeah it's like it's a shame that your horses are so big and so expensive to move around yeah i mean you really didn't think it through lou when you did the world's most expensive hobby ever i know no i would rather i am sick of traveling now are you but we'll be well we're recording this like two days before I go to Portugal and then I'm in Portugal and then I fly directly oh I fly yeah directly from Portugal to Dubai but I'm only in Dubai for four days and then I'm back in England I mean she's just fluid and I think then I'm in England for 11 days then I'm back shall I do you want to hear my diary because I actually let's do I did a calendar I mean it's exhausting for me and I'm only the one sitting here listening to it I did a little cut do you know what else annoys me and this shouldn't annoy me but it's the fact that I hate having to like tell people where I am and what I'm doing who do you have to tell who well it's like the two people that ride for me like they want to know when I'm in the country because of the horses and then like agent Sam always wants to know where I am because of like filming content and stuff you guys always I have to know where I am to see whether I can do a podcast record in person or remote.

3:07And that just annoys me that I have to be like, well, I'm here. Or you have to be held accountable. It's like annoying. Well, because these are all your jobs. I just want to be fucking free. Well, this is it. It's trying to be free. But then I suppose, yeah, when you have jobs, you have to check in. Then I try and coordinate diaries with my husband, which is also difficult. Anyway, so this was what, look, I did a whole little chat GBT. Right. oh it looks stressful guys there's like flags of countries against dates all the countries so i'm currently in england then i'm in portugal then i'm in portugal for eight days dubai for four days back in england for 12 days dubai for five days then i've got half a day back in england three days in paris because we're going to see celine d 'hombe oh my god i'm so excited yeah Oh, I've like planned the whole, actually, I need to book crazy horse tickets for us.

4:01Oh my God, I'm so excited about that. We'll do admin on the pod with Carrie and Lucy on that one. Yeah. Oh yeah. So then, yeah, three days in Paris, then four days, actually then seven days in England, four at home and three at a competition. Then 10 days in Dubai, then six days in England, then seven days in Belgium, then back to Dubai. I mean, it's a lot. And where does that take you up till? month-wise? The 14th of October. Oh my giddy aunts. No wonder you're so bloody tired, babes. Yeah, so then 14th of October, I fly back to England, and then I'm not fucking coming back to England. But I say that, but I have to, because Dixie's at school.

4:44Oh yeah. So I need to see her. Well, do you know what's good though, is that you don't have any plans after that, travel-wise. So you can just then do as you please. You can either stay there, come back, do what you want then do you know what i mean and then and then my horses are gonna fly on the 15th of october back to dubai then i'm not leaving them but yeah we just have to move around a lot to avoid the tax man well that's actually a joke because obviously people are like oh you moved to dubai i'm just gonna clear something up actually on this one you moved to dubai to escape tax by the way guys i'm still paying fucking tax because i have to come back because that fucking war so don't worry i am i am still very much here i just can't handle england in the winter i fucking no you don't exactly you don't i've loved this summer like here like when i've been in england the sun has been amazing i mean i'm looking at the window i've got no grass like zero grass we're living in a hay bale all of us this the sun here has been incredible i love i Then I went to Ireland for just under a week.

5:52Fucking freezing there. I had to buy a jumper. Stop it. It was cold. Really? I mean, the Irish people didn't think so. Their little white bodies were out parading down Grafton Street. But fuck me, I was freezing. And Nanny C was with us. And she obviously lives in Dubai with us as well. And she was like, it's so cold. I can't wait to get back to Dubai. And I was like, me too, babes. We just fucking love the sunshine. There you go. um anything else to report from this week guys i am i was going to share with you um i had another you know i like to come up with massage calamities god what have you done now well it wasn't anything i did right but last week as i say i've been on been on my hulls um how alex and i did not notice that the hotel we were staying in um had no dis speech no had the most incredible spa in the basement i do not know right but literally on two days before we left we were like oh that's a massage we'll go downstairs we'd always seen this door downstairs and it was like i just thought you'd be like some sort of you know you go in one little shitty room yeah oh my god we go into this room and it like opens up this aladdin's cave of the most incredible stuff and you missed the whole thing oh my god i was like what the fuck and anyway it was only because they were bringing around like they were doing like a special offer on massages i thought oh yeah go on then we'll have a little bug off massage today so coming to have me massage you always wonder as well is it going to be any good you know that's why i'm a bit hesitant sometimes you know i think but hotels charge a lot of money yeah i feel like that sometimes yeah and it's like it's just a bit pointless and they're just tickling me i need someone to yeah half beat me up i don't like a tickle well i forgot talking about talking about different cultures and different like guys there's a thing about French and Italian when it comes to massages and I'm speaking from anecdotal experience okay there is so much more liberal attitudes around nudity than there is for us okay so there I am on my bench the lady obviously my fluent Italian is uh oh my god absolutely shocking so uh I go in and she's like you know you know you are you want a corp that was body isn't it am i when i'm like yeah see see i was like um and i'm having to go through the italian

8:19i'm like spalle spalle shoulders do me spalle um so anyway i'm on my bench and she's like you know knickers you know so i put my little plastic pants on you know everything else is naked and then i'm thinking oh do you know what these plastic pants are awful um so i was like oh look she's not going to go down there anyway so uh so i go butt naked stick my head in the hole she comes back in off we go i'm like this is a good massage this is rivaling my thai girl down the road like this is this is good doing really well and then so halfway through she's like jira you know turn over so i was like yep fine let's get me a little towel you know and i am no prude as we know girls turn over get the old minge out that's it well the towel's covering the titties you know and obviously down to the knees you know well this woman and my eyes are closed but do you ever do this yeah you're like half open yeah yeah pretending that you're still eyes closed but you're actually you're actually peeking at them she moves round to my feet side of the bed and what can only be described as a magician's tablecloth whip with the towel yeah whip that bad boy off to expose me completely butt naked now what is one's normal instinctive reaction is to kind of curl up and cover yourself i didn't do that i fought the instinct because i was like i'm going to embarrass myself because you know she's just massaging me the woman then continued to massage me all over obviously avoiding the titties and avoiding the minge but i was lying there completely butt naked for the second half of my massage alex then goes in for his massage afterwards um he comes out after he has his massage base he's oh it's really good actually it's really good he went um did you wear the pants and i was like well i didn't in the end why and he went well uh neither did i because they didn't fit obviously he's got a massive cock so like he's not gonna like wear the small g-string that they give you he went well um my god i would never not wear pants i just keep my own knickers on like my own thong on why do i why do i do this why wouldn't you have just kept your own thong on i don't know i just didn't so weird yeah weird yeah i know why wouldn't alex have just kept his own pants on well he didn't think she was going to expose but like she he didn't like get tackle out like she didn't see that bit but he was like she did like pull the towel right down though below my butt cheeks and like was fully going in on the bum.

10:44And I was like, well, look, this is just obviously how they do it here. So we'll just go with the flow. But anyway, it was very good. And it was only 60 euros. So that is good. Yes. Special offer of the day, babes. I wouldn't have been able to relax with my minge out though. Surprisingly, I got into it quite quickly. It doesn't surprise me.

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12:25Right, shall we move on with a controversial new feature? I said what I said. Do you know what I said? Before we go into this, we said the other week, I can't remember, a couple of weeks ago, about... Wow, that just totally lost me. Someone ranted about it. Oh, solo parenting. Oh, yeah. Someone said about solo parenting and how you're not solo parenting unless you're single and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I saw someone was offended by this and posted it on our Facebook group. Stop it. And do you know what? I couldn't help myself but I commented anonymously in response what what did they say and what did you say they were like you know I just find it like I'm upset to hear that I don't know they were just like generally offended because their partner was in the army and he worked away and so she wants to be able to claim solo parenting and I just put you don't have to be offended by everything listen and move on while you're on it Lou whilst we're on the kind of the housekeeping side of it I felt a little bit the same I didn't comment because again I thought I'm just now doing what I'm telling people to do yeah I also did think that when I did it yeah but on the same thing when uh social media manager Bex popped popped up the clip of of the last uh I said what I said a great feature by the way it was we bloody love it and and when we you were talking we were talking about um when we were mentioning and it was someone else's we were we so what we're doing with this feature guys in case you don't listen to the the pod you're just looking at clips is we are reading out other people's i said what i said oh people always think we're talking about yeah so when we were talking about bmw and matcha which was really funny everyone's like oh my god i can't believe you know and it's like that isn't even ours and it's like if you're going to slag it slag off at least get the context right you know when he wasn't that big a deal but you know and you're like that's what annoys me even more i'm like yeah don't be a dick and slag something off that you don't even know the actual context of it.

14:26Can I just say people are just annoying. But also like the whole point is that the whole point is that it's unpopular opinion. Exactly. They're meant to be the minority of people believe this. That's the feature. Jog on. I'm sick and tired of people being offended. Yeah. Just bugger off. Can I just say then, I'm just going to do, and I said what I said. I think that if you like eat McDonald's and fast food, that means you're lazy. I do. I just feel like you're lazy and unhealthy and you're a sloth. That is what I think. She said what she said. I've said what she said. I think badly about people that eat McDonald's, especially McDonald's breakfast, okay?

15:11I feel like you're not, it's just gross. It grosses me out. Sometimes, Olu, a little sausage McMuffin in the morning hits the spot. it doesn't hit the spot it's like frank it can't hit the spot that cannot fuel you effectively no you're right with your day ahead so there you go she said what she said and guess what she's entitled to say that i've got one this week actually i said what i said um and i'm probably going to end up being a massive hypocrite with this i am i'm getting the ick with every time i log onto instagram or tiktok and the trend of everyone going oh my god i'm obsessed with with this food or I'm obsessed with the word obsessed.

15:51Everyone is like, it's like a TikTok and Instagram script. Obsessed with the word obsessed. Every time you've got a food or a product or a something. Oh my God, can we just talk about how obsessed I am with the, I think I might do that. So my, my, I said what I said is the overuse of the word obsessed. Thank you. Imogen, do you have one? Um, I said what I said. Sometimes two duvets is better than one. Oh. it's the Scandi way you have two single duvets on the bed instead of one you can choose your tog it's delicious thank you very much I can get on board with that I can get on board with that we've had a flurry of I said what I said's in from you guys so let's uh let's let's whack through these so someone's messaged in someone else has messaged in Bex won't clip that up doesn't matter we can listen anyway uh recently Manchester had a local election where only 25 % of the people voted um i think it should be mandatory to vote and if not you get fined lauren from wales okay there you go this one i do not agree with i love plain food oh interesting gross nice uh i said what i said someone says beyonce is overrated strong i agree i'm not into Beyonce no it's okay this one no do not agree dogs in restaurants I don't want to sit and eat my meal while someone's dog is being fed from the table or barking at people or smelling of wet dog because they've just been for a swim in a lake I don't bring my cats with me when I go out for dinner leave your dogs at home or go for a picnic outside if you desperately need to spend time with them every second of the day you go fuck yourself no I agree I totally agree I do not want someone stinky dog next to me while I'm eating well can I just say since becoming a dog owner of crumble I now seek out places that I can take him to that's fair enough because I think that's fair enough and I think possibly then the owners should be on the restauranteur restaurantee to choose a restaurant where there are no dogs I don't want a bloody Labrador I think I'm a bit I'm a bit traumatized from the holiday dog the incontinent holiday dog I don't want someone else's stinky dog I'm crumble is a legend Norman is a legend I would not be offended if those two dogs sat with me near a meal well you can't be racist doggist doggist um well okay across the board then I do not want a dog near the dinner table hard no okay well next the letter q is pointless and should just be replaced with the letter k it's such an unnecessary letter great one okay wow i said what i said the unnecessary use of the informal phrase not gonna lie drives me up the wall good one yeah brunch is a scam i agree with this yes 10 quid for a couple eggs and a slice of toast are you mental good i hate i hate brunch i hate do you know what i hate when you get to a restaurant and they're only serving brunch yes i want a salad sometimes at 11 a.m Oh, it's brunch only.

19:00Well, I don't eat eggs because they're chicken periods. Betty, get me a salad and chips. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I hear that. I hear that. I think a brunch menu is quite limited. Yeah, I'm with you. If you don't want eggs, you're fucked. And then the last one, I said what I said. Friends who are always 15 minutes late don't lose track of time. They just think their time is more valuable than yours. There, I said what I said. Oh, strong opinions, guys. Love them. Keep them coming in. Wow. I'm always late because I've got ADHD. No, you're not late. I'm quite a late person. Also, I'm really fucking hot in this room and I might have to move position.

19:38So I'm sweating like a pregnant nun.

19:46Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house. Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Right now it's time for... It's the Wreck-a-Serk-o. The Wreck-a-Serk-o. It's the Wreck-a-Serk-o. Oh, I've got one. I need to look what it is. okay shall i go first then yes uh oh it depends actually no immo you go first because i've got the choice of two which one are you going to go for him oh i am going for a baked good yeah um i at the weekend made these things called caramelitas which was a recipe i found on the tiktok by a lady called hayley gordon hi hayley uh they were delicious um they're basically i mean they're not they're not healthy by any means but they are yummy they're like a tray bake it's almost like a mix it's like a flapjack base and then you put i do like caramel and chocolate and then you top it with like the rest of the crumbly flapjack and it's very yum yum yum yum in my tum tum and um that was yeah that's you're salivating basically yeah i am how do we know about this can we pop the recipe up on socials we can't maybe i'll do a a cook with you've not done one for a while i keep i keep seeing your male lookalike uh yeah that's the one yeah um okay so a tray bake from immo um my one is i've got a podcast this week girls um it's a bit of a heavy listen but um it's called swingers um have you listened to it am i have oh have you not okay so um swingers is it's a really graphic listen it's six parts bbc uh podcast you can get it everywhere i think though um and it follows um really i think the point of this one it isn't just looking at swinging and speaking to swingers and going to swingers clubs as the title perhaps suggests the journalists that are doing it are immersive they are immersive in um in the world swinging no no it's to really unpack which i think in my world of relationship therapy is a really interesting one but i think across the board around consent because and it follows starts with um a woman who um was in who was married and was part of this the biggest swinging website fab swingers um and it really follows the story with her um uh unwillingly being part of swingers her husband wanted her to do it and so she did it to keep him happy and it's it's and then she went to the police so it starts with her story and um giselle pellico it has sort of the vibes of giselle pellico a little bit as well and and i and and And so it starts there.

23:03And then the journalists start to unpack. And they go to a swingers club. They look at messages. And they speak to people anonymously that have done swinging and a part of swinging and the owners of the websites to really unpack the grey area around consent. You know how often we talk about this on the podcast and we get people that are messaging in. And we're obviously a hard line, aren't we, Lou, obviously, with if you're in a coercive control. But it's the subtleties. And you know how often we sort of say, and we know ourselves have been in dysfunctional relationships in the past, of people are quite quick to go, how did someone not just leave that relationship?

23:38Or how does someone just not know? And it really does deep dive into the psychology around coercive controlling relationships. So it's a hard listen. It's very graphic, isn't it, Imo? But it's a fascinating listen. So swingers on BBC podcast. What did you think, Em? I thought it was really interesting, actually. yeah definitely around that consent piece and how the line there's like a big gray big gray area around yes and no and how that is interpreted yeah and there was a really interesting bit where they were talking to like a psychologist i want to say where she was saying like the the whole idea around consent is quite our idea of consent is quite outdated now yes um um and yeah i just think it's a really interesting yeah and it also gives and i think i wanted to almost sort of signpost again in this and it's a really really important listen for anyone that is questioning a relationship that they are in because it really does break down a lot of what us three are always talking around about the signals and the signs and the gaslighting and the am i sure and just to remind everyone that if you are not safe if you feel disrespected and you are treading on eggshells in your relationship get out of it we know it's not that easy but you must anyway i'll leave you with that well mine's a bit more light-hearted good i just want to recommend monopoly deal the card game as the most brilliant family card game now anna i kind of tried to help you out playing it whilst you're away did you did you figure it out we nailed it and we are now unfortunately for me Alex and Enzo are obsessed oh I just love it we have a family league so good they've been playing it ever since we got back every single meal time they I think they're they're clearly more intelligent than me um but they got it straight away um after you did give me some good instructions on it and now it is the number one game Enzo's like can I write Monopoly Deal?

25:41We love it. It's so good. We've been playing it for like, I think it's so good for kids as well to play games like that. I remember teaching Clemmie how to play it when she was four. And I was like, she's never going to be able to do this. It's for like age eight plus. And I think she's so clever because of Monopoly Deal. It's, it's, I agree with you. It's a really good game. Good recco. Right. Let's crack on some messages because we've been yabbering for ages now. We've got a message from Scarlet Knickknacks. Hi, ladies. I've just finished listening to Thursday's pod and thought I'd write in with some market rate context as you embark on your summer challenge.

26:19Oh, I forgot to do this. Of sex for cash role play. We're still in the summer holes. It's okay, Lou. We've still got time. We've still got a couple of weeks. Yeah, okay. A few years ago, I was swiping on the dating apps when I thought I'd chance my arm with something cheeky. I set my age range to older. I was 45, so I went up to 60. and needless to say, my inbox was a pinging. I crafted a carefully worded, polite response to all DMs that explained I was a well-educated business owner. I would love to get to know them more intimately, but to be away from my desk was at a financial cost to the business that they would need to cover.

26:56Those dirty buggers jumped at the chance. I set my fee at£400 and they all loved a bit of backdoor action. I've met some wonderful men, been to some fabulous restaurants and hotels and even got gifted a designer handbag. One of these gents met me and realised how respectful, trustworthy and hot I was. Their cash came rolling in. To date, I estimate my side hustle is maybe over£30 ,000, which in a cost of living crisis helps pay for our family holidays. So Anna, don't shortchange yourself, hun. You are a milf. And as a mum before myself, I should know your arsehole, even with the Fisher alone, is worth more than a hundred quid.

27:40Really? Me and my anal Fisher get a hundred quid? A ton? I'll take it. Right up the pupper. Needless to say, I will be staying a non, so give me a porn star name thanks for providing a safe space to share our secrets fucking love that you and your backdoor action 30 grand deep how girls girls can we have a check-in how is the um sex for cash going for everyone mine's not great well mine's not i've had quite a few gifts i've got a massage out of it i've got a handbag a jacket two bags actually or if you had to do a blouse for any of this no i just got it so it's not just sex for cash that's just i've been getting gifts for my husband we just went shopping one day it's it's when it has to be in that transactional moment because i was getting because i was getting i was getting you know the old little the little nudge and i was like oh i can't be arsed then i thought hang on a minute yes i can a minute i was like go on then if you give me a massage then i will so it worked in my favor so you're winning ims how are you doing you're not good i completely forgotten everything about it right guys we've got two weeks we both have to come to the table with at least one okay of consensual we're talking about consent on this pod it's all a bit all a bit of a laugh this one guy um right next message from anonymous so chastity von nipplewinkle strong dear Luanimo Bex I'm a long-time listener and first time writing in please keep me a non give me a porn star name um that is one hell of a name I need some advice if my partner behavior is normal I've been with my partner slash fiance for the last 15 years and we have children together even though he's a great dad and a good partner in many ways the thing is he thinks it's normal for his mood to be in a good or bad mood oh weird depending on the clothes i wear not even just weirdly this is a flag for example if i wear baggy clothes baggy jeans and baggy tops oh he'll be in a bad he'll be in a bad mood for most of the day and affect how he speaks to me and the children gives me one word answers what kind of day we are going to have i also get horrible comments throughout the day on how I look because I wear baggy trousers.

30:06Now if I wear tight leggings or gym gear he's in a better mood mainly because he likes to see me in tight clothing which I do wear but I just want to wear what I want when I want without mood swings. I feel like he just wants to sexually look at me all the time in tight clothes. This has been an issue since we've been together. We've discussed this many times and leads to many arguments and to be honest I think it's pathetic childish and he needs to get over himself which I have told him many times. He thinks it's normal for his moods to be this way and says he can't help it. I know you would get advice from partner about a dress or if you were going out occasionally but this is every day and I now dread what his reaction will be when I walk down the stairs in the morning.

30:45Sometimes I think fuck it I'll wear what I want knowing it will be he will be pissed off for most of the day. Over the years I have just ignored him and I've carried about my day as a busy mum without pandering to his mood strings. Also if he was the world's best dressed man I might take his criticism on board but when i tell you he most definitely is not well dressed at all think jogging bottoms plain tops which there is nothing wrong with by the way but he isn't stylish at all and i would never comment on his style i just need some advice on how to go forward do i just ignore him aware what i want i feel this is very controlling behavior but there isn't anything else in our relationship that's an issue do women dress yeah do women dress for their partners based on every day um no i know this seems a small thing to leave someone for but when it's happening every day.

31:29I do question, do I want to be with this man for the rest of my life if I can't wear what I want to wear? When I do get some solo time away from my partner, I can wear what I want and I feel great about myself. I work part-time and I struggle to live financially on my own, but I sometimes, pardon me, do think I would be happier on my own and wear what I want when I want. Is this something you would leave someone for? Sorry for the long message. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated so I can move forward. Thanks for the laughs. It's like listening to friends every day so weird because there's nothing else in your relationship because i would normally be like oh that's controlling but normally you'd have a guy not wanting you to wear tight clothes because they didn't they would get jealous of other men whereas it seems like he just wants you to wear sexy clothes for him so yeah you know it says so this is interesting actually and from a from a psychology point of view I'd love to understand that part because there's something about the clothes and what you're wearing this won't be about you I'm pretty sure that no something about clothes and this is where this is coming from possibly it could be just about control um but something around that I would want to unpack it's like triggering him yes and I'd want to unpack what is this what what is that and i wonder if you can work on that with him if you want to and just go look and just so we're really clear and i don't know i assume you're going to say the same lou but but please tell me otherwise so absolutely nobody should tell you what you should or shouldn't wear of course we can give advice we can give opinion i believe if it's if it's invited and asked for i don't think it's ever kind or respectful to ever say to someone you look like shit in that um i think you keep your opinion to yourself um if that is what you truly think so i think this is very troubling but also to lose point that if you're saying there's nothing what i would also say to you are you sure there's nothing else in your relationship i won't have a real think about other because sometimes we can also be quite blinkered in and it's not so sometimes we come out and get a bit of space go oh actually they were like this around other aspects but in all other aspects of your life are you autonomous you know are you do you have agency but if in anything any relationship you feel you are treading around eggshells for any reason that is a challenge and I would really I would work with a therapist possibly actually on this just to see if there is something triggering him that might be worth unpacking and exploring and to really get to the bottom of it to eradicate it because this does need to be dealt with because I think this will end up really being not a good place for you don't know what do you think girls i think it's really weird i just think you need to say just be like it's weird why don't you why do you get pissed off when i'm in baggy clothes why do you get happy when it's just it's weird because there's no other element of your relationship something must have happened to him and he's he's associating it with something or he could be coming across as quite misogynistic quite yeah um you know what wanting his woman to please him i think anyone's mood so for me what is really flaggy here and we cannot this is the fact someone else's mood changing because of your behavior um that is a problem because we all have to take onus on how we react and behave and our emotions regardless on how someone else behaves now of course someone can push our buttons but essentially that is on on ourself and and he is not he is dictating his mood based on your actions that's a problem please don't overlook that good luck good luck uh we've got a message from and on so theresa brown hi luanna starting with the obligatory love the pod and all that jazz i do often wonder if that woman still listens so do we she's probably moved on to the bbc climate podcast by now boring bastard anyway i have a story to tell courtesy of my emergency department friend jemma it's not her real name she sent me this over to enlighten you so settle in i was working the graveyard shift in the emergency department when we got the dreaded standby call a patient with sepsis was on their way in.

35:51We all know sepsis can be caused by a whole host of things, bacteria, viruses, fungi. Basically, if your body decides to completely lose the plot, sepsis can be the result. Anyway, this patient arrived very poorly. They were requiring multiple medications just to maintain their blood pressure and heart rate and generally looked like they were having a very bad time. The problem was they were largely unresponsive. So the team couldn't get a proper history they had absolutely no idea what happened in the days leading up to the patient becoming so unwell far so about an hour the patient was sent for a scan to try and work out what the hell was going on and lo and behold something very unexpected something very unexpected sitting inside his colon what a skeleton what an actual fucking skeleton naturally the entire team was like.

36:45What the fuck is that? So many questions. Eventually, the decision was made to take the patient to theatre to remove whatever the mysterious skeletal object was. And this is where the story takes a truly unhinged turn. It was a hamster, a dead hamster. The hamster somehow made its way into the patient's colon and had subsequently died in there. And as you can imagine, things had not particularly gone well from that point onwards the hamster had caused the patient's bowel to rupture resulting in bowel contents leaking into their abdomen causing a severe infection the patient was taken for major surgery requiring removal of part of their bowel and ultimate leaving them with their colostomy bag it turns out they had been engaging in a sexual practice known as gerbiling this is disgusting so cruel to the so cruel the patient's partner explained that They had used a pipe inserted into the patient's rectum, allowing the hamster to enter the bow.

37:49But the pipe slipped and they couldn't get the hamster back out. And here's the kicker. The hamster had been in there for two days. I guess he just thought he'd shit it out. So wait it out. so this poor patient had essentially been walking around with a dead decomposing hamster up his ass for 48 hours before becoming critically unwell with sepsis when jebber told me this story i genuinely didn't know whether to laugh cry or vomit i genuinely don't think that the hospital will ever see another case of sepsis secondary to a hamster stuck up the old ass ever again and i believe the patient did go on to make a full recovery please keep me in on love you guys wow wild I mean we've always said everyone's got a traumatic hamster story but that just takes the biscuit it really does that's a jabbling I'm going to google this that's awful anyway remember if you want to get in touch you can email us Luanna at everythingluanna.com you can also drop us a whatsapp on 075 215 64640

39:00right newsy bits um now this um i think is really quite lovely um she's an old pal we used to knock around together back in the day the return of holly willaboobee so we will all just to recap where we are so holly has returned after three years um of being out of the spotlight and then we all know that she has had a pretty tricky time of it. So she obviously hosted this morning, she stepped away, there was the scandal around Phillips Schofield, the big fallout around that, and then the genuine security threat against her that led to a criminal trial, which was quite honestly horrendous, and I don't think anybody should ever underplay how that must really have felt and I saw a headline you know that said you know I don't actually something like she said quote unquote I don't fear anything anymore I don't fear failing this new project because I know what real fear feels like now um so um she has come back she's decided to not come back to a tv network as we know it she's gone on to YouTube don't you think that's weird no I don't actually because I think well tv is uh doesn't pay very much it depends who you work for I mean it can pay a lot depending on which show you're on but I think Holly Willoughby so she's so connected when it comes to the world of telly and broadcasting her husband owns Hungry Bear a huge production company that makes shows like Gladiators Bear Grylls and stuff like that so I think for me it sort of makes sense if your husband's kind of owns the big production company you've got all of the infrastructure needed there and you are not relying on someone else paying you like an external tv company whereas we know Lou there are more handcuffs potentially and things like that and if she's wanting to come back to do something more her way she's been very candid as well and so she's very fortunate that she's in a position where she can do this sort of as an experiment for fun she has a husband who's very established so I sort of think well if you can be fully in control of doing your own youtube channel you all the money that you're earning through the ad revenue from that um it's a punt isn't it it might work she said it might work it might not but do we i mean i sort of forgotten about holly willoughby you do move on quite quickly from people like philip schofield nobody cares well i think i think yeah i think the question really isn't i mean there's been there's always the the typical criticism somebody and actually i had a little watch last night actually um because i've seen some of the clips she's had stanley tucci i've not even seen anything about it so it's basically a lifestyle show so kind of think this morning but not a bit like megan's show yeah it's a bit yeah it's kind of compared to megan markle show exactly like a lifestyle show um yeah and it's kind of holly kind of in her kitchen in inverted commas with a celebrity guest she's had stanley tucci joanne mcnally uh katherine ryan um who i know so far i love katherine ryan and essentially you know it's it's a chat it's you know they have a drink they might do some cooking they might do some styling it's just kind of whatever it whatever it might be on a kind of homely it's like this morning on youtube yeah um and then she got a lot of criticism with the first episode that went out with stanley tucci um because um you know people were saying six minutes to cut four courgettes right and you know and is she being a bit kind of labored and people reviewers and commenters are saying that she's bland, she's out of touch, it's influencer cosplay.

42:37Oh, that's mean. I think it is mean, yeah. And, you know, other people have been making comparisons to other celebrity YouTubers. Well, I just think you don't have to watch it. Well, it goes back to the point we made at the beginning. The only thing with this is people, if they really like Holly, will watch it. And if they don't really, you know, because I think people watch this morning because it's this morning, not because of Holly. So it would be interesting to see how successful this is because I don't know how many fans like does Holly Willoughby actually have because I always find TV presenters quite bland like they're quite um you know they just have to sort of be a bit nothing TV presenters because they're just a mouthpiece to present a show so I find that TV presenters don't have like that sort of cult following that perhaps influencers do have like that diehard fan type base i guess i mean i wouldn't really i wouldn't personally seek out something that holly willoughby's on because it's holly willoughby yeah right like you know you would watch strictly come dancing or dancing on ice whatever she presented because you like that format of the show you're not going to go and watch strictly dancing or whatever it's fucking called because holly willoughby's presenting it do you know what i mean so i think that it would be interesting to see how this performs because I don't really hear that many people saying I love Holly Willoughby well I think this is it I think it's quite brave actually and quite exposing because as you say you know other shows that presenters host most people are tuning in arguably for the for the show for the content you know for the format so it's actually quite an exposing experiment because as you say exactly people are going to watch this because they want want to watch holly you know she's been a very successful presenter arguably probably one of the top you know female presenters that we've had in years um i've known her um for years and years you know always got on you know she's not she's not a close friend but we we know each other you know if we see each other we have a hug and a kiss how are you type type thing um but she has had a backlash and i guess the question is is is it fair that she's having a backlog backlash after everything she's been through um she would have been better doing a documentary if she's trying to relaunch herself I think.

44:55Well I think but I read an interview I've read she's done loads of interviews in Times and I was reading them on holiday I read one in Grazia magazine and she said she's been given so many opportunities and I think but she said I really kept asking myself for the first time in my life what what is the point like why do why would I want to do that? Yeah. And I guess she's she's been having offers of documentaries I would imagine of course but I guess her point is why would I want to do that you know what what do I want to gain from that and it sounds like to me that you know from what she's been through over the last three years which sounds awful with the with the whole court case and that that it must be terrifying she's obviously at a point and going why am i doing all this but then also going i love presenting it is what i do so i want to give it another go so i think good good luck to her and i think it's always difficult to relaunch well i wish her luck yeah i think good for you and i think to lose point in the beginning of this if you don't like her if you don't and she even said that in an interview she went I know people don't like me so I say to them just don't watch me I don't you know I don't like her or dislike I don't love her or dislike her I'm very she's very neutral to me like I'm not like I would I personally I wouldn't go and seek out to watch this it could like because I don't really have an opinion on Holly Willoughby do you know what I mean like yeah no it's exactly you take her or leave her it's not and it's not a show that i'd want to watch it's like the traitors we all love the traitors now i don't watch the traitors because claudia winkleman presents it i feel like she adds to the show and she's a brilliant presenter but if the traitors was presented by someone else i would still watch it yes i don't then watch shows that claudia winkleman does because it's claudia winkleman and i think that's the thing with this yeah i think i think that's a very good point and i think as you say we always say scroll on by let everyone do what they want but i think it's a really good prompt you put in the script but are we just mean now in life and i think yeah people are people just want to just be do you think people would listen to luana if it wasn't you or me no because we would remove the name but they might imoana or louis but i wonder like i'd love to know that from our listeners actually or do you think podcasts are a bit different i think podcasts are different i think people listen to podcasts because of the people yeah because the podcast is about us this is why i think it's a brave move for her because i think and to your point there lou i i cut my teeth learning how to be a standard TV presenter.

47:35Well, that's the job. Which is quite sort of glossy, yeah. It's totally personality-less, really. Exactly. A smidgen of personality occasionally. But it is quite a formulated, quite restricted, you know, you are sort of, well, it's a skill. A skill of being an anchor is, it has a skill set to it, which is a different one. And so I think it's quite brave to come out of that construct that you've known for 30 years, to then just be really yourself. and I did watch it actually I've watched a bit of it I think it's actually really good I think she's really personable in it I don't think she's too polished or personalityless I think she's doing great with it actually and I would like to say good for you Holly because quite honestly Lou if either one of us had had someone threatening to make an actual real plan of killing us I think anyone that wants to just be a bitch about it just needs to seriously be quiet because she's decided to come back it's her choice her reasons and i think everyone should let her do what she wants to do and just if you want to be mean just don't it's i'm sick and tired of it nowadays in the industry honestly meanie meanies right talking about meanies some michelin-starred restaurants are faces jail because he has used ants as dessert garnish this is in south korea uh they're trying to jail him for one year because uh he's been putting ants on people's food um and ants are not among the 10 insect species approved of human consumption under the country's laws but you can eat grasshoppers locusts and two spotted crickets amongst other things delicious uh he's going to be fined about 10 grand he has admitted to serving ants but just said they were used in a small part of the restaurant's 15 course menu as a topping for sorbets and diners were told that they could opt for non-ant toppings but basically the Ministry of Food and Drug Safety found reviews and pictures online and they have estimated that 49 ,000 ants imported from the US in Thailand were used in dishes over four years.

49:45Ants contained up to 55 times more heavy metals than other typical edible insects. Well, this is just a bit rank, and personally, I wouldn't be frequenting that restaurant. I mean, I'm never going to be here for the eating insects, personally. I'm not. So when you're in Thailand, do you know, like a lot of people have tried it, have you? What? The Thailand. When you're in Thailand, they just serve them on the street. Have you ever tried it? No, I have. I've been to Thailand a couple of times, but no, I'm not that brave, I'm afraid. No. And you know, in Colombia, queen ants are prized as caviar.

50:19So it's not unusual to eat ants. No, and sometimes we are a bit snobby about different cultures' foods just because we're not used to it. But no, not for me. Not for me, babes. It's a bit weird. Bit weird. Bit weird. Oh, oh. Oh, I've been doing this too long because it's time for It's the Widow of the Week Car Beautiful Do you want to go first? Right, Kira says or Kiara Hi Luana and Imo long time listener first time writing in every time my husband and I go on holiday I secretly hope okay this is mean people are so mean to their husband this is mean I wouldn't do this I secretly hope he gets sunburnt not because I wish him pain but because I absolutely love oh peeling his skin afterwards afterwards.

51:06Oh, okay. Okay. Not quite some Machiavellian. This summer I hit the jackpot. One foot, one hand and a patch on his back. Thank God for his absolutely shocking sun cream application skills. I genuinely felt like I'd won the lottery. There was nothing more satisfying than getting hold of one massive piece of peeling skin and trying to remove it in one go. The concentration, the thrill, the payoff unmatched. It's so ridiculously satisfying. And here's the bit that might actually make me weirder of the week. I don't just enjoy peeling it. I love playing with the skin afterwards too. Rolling it between my fingers, rubbing it about, admiring the really big bits.

51:41It's honestly all part of the experience. I don't bin it for a while. It's a hobby I'm only blessed with a few times a year. So when the opportunity arises, I fully commit. We've just got back from Spain and I've literally spent the last half hour peeling the skin off the scent. So am I an absolute weirdo or are there other people out there who enjoy peeling other people's sunburnt skin? I would enjoy it. I like shit like that. Squeezing spots, peeling skin. I think it's probably quite calm. I wouldn't do it, but I can see the appeal. I like it. I like it. Right, and non, so SM-Ely Tooth. Weirder of the week, call me SM-Ely Tooth.

52:22Oh, Smelly Tooth. I have a partial erupted wisdom tooth, and despite being a lifelong A-star twice daily electric toothbrush user, the angle makes it hard to clean. when I'm driving to work I put my finger back there have a wee rub then a good sniff pure sulfur actually smells like poo even after a proper clean fucking disgusting but fucking satisfying to smell anyone else peace out it's rank stinky teeth infected tooth is that is rank but when I had an infected tooth I did keep sucking on it and then I could you taste it yeah and it was weirdly bad breath actually know how you get like breath when you have a tooth infection i never smelled infected breath with you that's good i do like a bit of dental hygiene well you're both bloody weird i don't know i can relate to both of these things okay i'm gonna go the skin peeler just i could see doing my own just not someone else's Ims who would you I would do smelly tooth would you go on Lou you're deciding I'm going to go smelly tooth ah you win you win stinky breath person congratulations you are the weirdo of the week well done anyway that is it don't worry we'll be here every Monday of course we have Luanna totally extra on Thursday and for that and this we do need you send your emails in to Luanna at everythingluanna.com also we are still getting people experiencing scam emails they will always come from an at gmail account our official email is luanna everything luanna.com if you receive any communication claiming to be us not from this email it's not us you can also help on whatsapp send the voice or message our number is 075 215 6060 make sure guys you have followed the podcast we'd really appreciate it and here's the big thing listen share the pod with a friend please maybe send them your favorite clips send them some of the advice we've maybe given out just share the love we'd also really appreciate a five-star review in fact when we did one the other week um i can't remember what it was called we gave out the code word again i don't know meat condom i happen to i haven't gone on ratings for ages and we had loads of them so we'll do another one for this week.

54:49What's it going to be this week? The code word will be, go into the five-star review and say the word. Unicorn. Oh, I was going to, okay, that's a nice one. Yeah, it's happy. All right, unicorn. Unicorn, there you go. Because we are a form of unicorn. Thanks, guys. We'll see you Thursday. Have a good one. Bye. This has been a global production. Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place.