'How much to lick my placenta?'

20:29Anna Williamson:Why do you need to speak to your husband? Stop it. Anyway, let's call him Gary. Said he couldn't get their daughter to settle and go to sleep. Well, what's Betty meant to do? I mean, you can't do much when you're out. She's out. There was lots of messages to and fro with Betty reassuring her husband that he was doing a great job and things to try and get her to settle. 20 minutes later, there's commotion at the doors of the restaurant. Oh, Gary only fucking turned up. Oh, fucking wet blanket father. Oh, Gary. Come on, Gary. I hate men like this. Come on, Gary. There's commotion at the doors of the restaurant with Gary holding their hysterical baby who's covered in vomit.

21:07Betty naturally leaves the hen do, now also in hysterics. Now, we must point out that this was a Saturday night. And also, I'm going to say this baby was one. It wasn't like a newborn. this was Saturday night and the bar in question was in the middle of the party area of the city centre which was a 30 minute drive from Betty and Gary's house we all assume that there must be something seriously wrong to bring a one year old into the city centre on a Saturday night I was going to say

21:32Anna Williamson:caveat to Gary if there was a massive emergency I still have questions around it but okay we tried phoning and messaging Betty to find out what was happening but as we got no reply we assumed they must be at the hospital with their poorly child which you would yes naturally no one felt like partying anymore knowing that our friend's child was seriously ill so the bride decided to end the hen party early and we never made it to the bars and clubs the next morning finally got hold of betty to check on her daughter turns out the reason that her daughter wouldn't settle was because she had a wet nappy gary hadn't thought to check this and the reason for her being covered in vomit was because gary's driving had made her sick several times doing a 30 minute journey in 20 minutes oh dear once betty had changed her daughter's nappy and put her in fresh fresh clean pjs she'd gone straight to sleep on the car journey home closely followed by betty needless to say gary wasn't popular at the wedding a month later love you all keep up the great work betty and jane oh gary you need to get in the bin mate you need to get in the bin he ruined a hindu women need to really seriously think about what men they have children with personally i mean gary that is a low bar that's so out of order i've been on nights out with friends before and they've had their other half messaging and hassling them.

22:46It really puts me off their other half. I really don't like that.

22:51Anna Williamson:But can you imagine, though, if it was the other way round? Let's say Gary was on a stag do and old Betty rocks up with the baby. Do you know what I mean? I think that's just... So bad. That's so bad. The boob's coming out. Wow, bloody hell. Gary, you need to do better. Yeah, but Betty's an enabler. Wow. maybe Betty that was Betty's moment to step up and go Gary you've had your one chance let's hope never again Betty has put Gary in his place yeah exactly never again what a joke oh dear message from Anonymous so Winona hey ladies first off I just have to say how much I love the pod you girls are truly my saving grace everybody do you know what I was going to say we've had a real swathe of messages like that again recently and thank you guys we really do appreciate that lovely feedback she says I really need your advice.

23:42Anna Williamson:My boyfriend and I have been together. You're right there, Em? She needs to sneeze. I think I'm okay. I thought you were conjuring up something. My boyfriend and I have been together for five years, navigating a longish distance relationship. We also have the best dog in the world, our little baby. Over the past two years, we've been saving for a house. And now that we've spoken to a mortgage advisor, the ball is officially rolling. Yay! And we are looking at properties. The plan has always been for me to move to his area, away from my family, with the idea that when I get pregnant, we'd eventually move back at some point, but not anytime soon.

24:18Anna Williamson:Here's where things get complicated. Whenever we're out with his friends or around kids, he always makes comments about not wanting children. I assumed this was just him showing off for the boys or that he meant not right now. But in private, though, we talk about baby names, and he's even bought a kid's motorbike and quad that sit in our shed. So I thought that having kids was still part of our future. Recently I asked him directly if he sees children in our future The conversation didn't go the way I expected He cried for the first time in five years And admitted that he's not sure if he wants kids I was completely shattered Is this uncertainty just because he can't picture the future yet?

24:53Anna Williamson:Or does he genuinely not want children? For context I'm 28 and he's 30 I've always been very open about wanting to be a mum And two years ago I unexpectedly fell pregnant We made a difficult decision that it wasn't the right time for us Please don't judge no judgment babes but I always hoped that someday I'd be able to tell him I'm pregnant again and this time that he'd be happy I love this man with everything I have he's not always the best with words but he shows me his love in a million little ways lately his words and actions feel disconnected he says he can't picture us living together yet we're actively looking at houses and I'm already at his place five nights a week I don't know what to make of it and I feel completely lost so here's where I need your advice does this mean we have to break up or is this just something that he can't visualise right now.

25:35Anna Williamson:I'll be forever grateful for the pod and everything that you do. I love you girls. Please keep me a nod and I recommend this to everyone I know and meet. Thank you, darling. I just think we're going to say the same thing. Babe, he doesn't want kids. He doesn't want to live with her. I think it's a break-up time. It's really sad, but this is not going to work, unfortunately. Do you know what, if this helps to put into context... It is sad when you love someone like that much and then you realize that actually everything you've been planning and wanting isn't what they want it's disconnect i mean i know it's easy it is always easy for other people to set because we're not emotionally involved and we get it so much harder than just us you know two bits going leave him but if i can give you a bit of my own personal anecdote years and years ago the my boyfriend before i met alex and married alex we had this sort of situation yeah and essentially I made it very clear from the start that I wanted marriage and kids it was a big deal for me he to be fair never promised that he wanted that either but I hoped that he might yeah you sort of hang on you sort of hang on and then four years into our relationship we got to the crux you know I'd turned 30 all my friends were starting to get married and really we had a very painful realisation and neither of us were wrong or right.

26:57Anna Williamson:I really couldn't see a future without me having kids and he couldn't see a future having kids. And do you know what he's gone on to do now? I don't know but I don't believe he's had a family since. Really? But he didn't want that? No and it was really painful and I think both of us tried to make it fit for quite a while and it really did come down. I know this sounds a bit macabre but I actually got to the point because he did sort of then right towards the end was like a bit desperate I think go no do you know what it's fine I do want them I do want them and I was like I was like you can't you can't lie to yourself you have to be really honest about what you deserve and as painful as it is and I remember thinking to myself I have to stick with my gut here like as painful as this is I know he doesn't really mean it I think he wants to wants to mean it something is scaring him around having a family but I thought in my head this sounds a bit weird but I thought careful what you wish for right because it did actually end up happening i thought if i'm having children with a man who is a bit sketchy in the first place what if god forbid pregnancy birth being a parent is not this perfect linear thing which it isn't and then and and and i thought i will always forever feel guilty or indebted or that i have to mask how i'm feeling because i'm thinking he'll just go i told you so yeah i didn't want this and even having alex was very pro having kids very pro having family and it was really bloody hard but the one thing around that and actually he found it yeah and he found it a lot harder than i think he'd ever thought it would be but at least there's never ever been the well you never really wanted we never had that horrible you know it's always been the opposite we always we're fucking hard but we always wanted to have children and i think you've said it yourself this is really painful unless you said he's starting to become distant and disconnected i think he's also he said well the fact that you said he says he can't picture us living together yet we're actually looking at houses the man's got no balls he's got no balls to actually turn around and say to you i think we're five years in it's run its course i don't see a future with you i don't see us living together and i don't see us having and i'm sorry about and i'm sorry yeah and i get why he isn't saying that because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings and it's familiarity and when we're stuck in familiar familiarity keeps us longer than we actually should.

29:12Anna Williamson:It's harder sometimes to step out and change is scary. And also he will love you like you love him. There will be love there from him to you. But the fact is, is that he doesn't see that with you and he needs to do the right thing and just fucking say it. Because often these people like this, they don't say it. They keep stringing you along. And before you know it, you're now, you know. You're wasting time. You've wasted time. And actually it's time where you could have met someone else because there is always somebody else out there. And you do, I always say this when I do couples work, you have to be really, the biggest conversations to have before you get into a committed relationship are the big questions.

29:50Anna Williamson:Where do you see your future? Do you want children? Do you want marriage? And how big of a deal breaker is that for you? They're big conversations. People in dating go, oh, isn't it coming on too strong? I'm like, hell no. Because if you are three, four dates in and you're starting to fall for someone or think someone's going, You have to have these big conversations about your future. Does one of you want to travel? Does one of you want to stay home and be a little Darby and Joan? None of it's wrong, but you have to align. Because trust me, you'll get a few years into marriage and you'll have massive conflict around it.

30:21The last thing you want to do as well is then get a mortgage with this guy.

30:25Anna Williamson:I'm sorry for the hard truth, but I think you know.

30:33Anna Williamson:Message next to my anonymous host, Esther. When I was in my mid-twenties, I used to have a boyfriend who had a kink for nylon tights. Oh. Whenever I would wear them, he could never keep his hands off my legs, which, to be honest, at that age, I didn't mind the constant attention that my legs were getting. It also meant if I needed a new pair of tights, he would invariably buy them for me. His favourite tights, I remember, were the pretty poly mock suspender tights that were all the rage a little bit back in the day. Do you remember? Yeah. The Polly Willoughby wear them. tights and then it had the pretend suspender do you remember those tights?

31:07Anna Williamson:I think that was Holly's first modelling job or something something like she was a pretty poly model or something at 17 anyway when we would be getting frisky sometimes he would ask me to keep my tights on for him in bed he would like to lick me out which he was actually quite good at but through the nylons very kinky it actually worked out quite well in that he wasn't the best in bed ouch but was great with his time. Well, that's good. It's all you need. Yeah. And he would be determined to keep going until he made me come inside my tights. Well, that's good then. Oh, this is fine. I'd say it was good in bed.

31:42Anna Williamson:Oh, yeah, absolutely. Everyone has a different strength. At which point, all he wanted to do was wank his cock at me and shoot his load over my legs in tights like I was target practice. And it generally didn't take him long to finish. It's like pump and go. pump and water and spaff one night when we were particularly drunk after a night out I was in just my tights ready for our usual fun when I needed to go to the toilet for a quick wee my boyfriend suddenly blurted out that it was a fantasy of his to watch me piss myself in my tights gone gone another level we're now at level 5 we've gone left yeah from the other week there was a bit of awkward silence as I barely acknowledged it then I could see his face start to turn bright red with embarrassment.

32:30Anna Williamson:Well, you've got to do it then. I would just do it. Oh, I don't know. The bright red would give me a bit of an ick, I think. I'd be like, fine, I'll just do it. I mean, I would do it, but you've got, you know. Wank your cock at me. Oh. Spaff and we'll go to sleep. Oh, you mean, yeah. Looking back, God knows why I did it, but I said I would do it for him like it was no big deal. I think it was the sheepish, embarrassed look on his face. That would be me. Well, I would get such an ick about the embarrassment, the second hand embarrassment. I'd be like, at least follow through with it with like a kind of go on, do it.

33:00Anna Williamson:Be confident and stand on that, you know. Anyway, I didn't want him to feel bad. I mean, you're a wonderful person. Anyway, I don't need to go into much detail, but cut to the chase, me standing in the shower as a warm trickle starts to descend out of my legs and tights as my visibly excited boyfriend watches on. I can't say it felt particularly nice, or that I enjoyed it. No warm and soggy. In tight. Like Nora Battletai. Thrush central. or that I enjoyed it in any way. And as soon as I was finished, I kicked him out so I could have a quick shower. Once I got out, I went back to the bedroom to get dressed, dry and dressed.

33:35Anna Williamson:Well, my boyfriend went to the toilet. I'd forgotten my makeup bag. So I quickly went back to the back room to get it. And what do I, bathroom, sorry, to get it. And what do I find? There's my boyfriend with one hand holding the pissy tights in his mouth and the other playing with himself. It's like a dog with a bone. Safe to say we didn't last too much longer after that. And I put this down to youthful experimentation, never to be repeated. I think I'd get off on that. Would you? Would you actually? For real? Oh, no, you're in. Someone's sucking on your work time. I'd just find that so like just dirty.

34:18Dirty, animalistic. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, you dirty bastard.

34:23Anna Williamson:Now, anything to do with excrement, and I'm out. Well, not pee. No. We not so bad. Anyway, funny thing is, like sucking on it like a sponge. Bex's face. Bex's face. She's like, I'm a professional human being here. What has my life come to? Anyway, she carries on. Funny thing is, he ended up marrying someone I vaguely knew from school. And on the occasion, because I still see her. No! She's always wearing tights, no matter if it's the middle of winter or the height of summer. Tights and summer. It's just a no. She's been conditioned. And I can't help but chuckle to myself. He clearly hasn't lost his tights fetish.

35:01Anna Williamson:Last time I saw her, I couldn't help but wonder if he ever brought up his fantasy with her or if it was just me daft enough to enact it for him. No, she's pissing in those tights. I'm telling you. For sure. They're both well into that. They're into the tights. She might even be pooing in them by this time. I think there's a lot. Well, they're married now. Yeah. It would have escalated. Imagine like poo all squished into the tights and then like smeared. Coming through all the little holes. Like a stretch bag. And then she's like, and squished it through all of its place. But we've gone too far.

35:35The degradation in this pod is revolting. Remember, if you want to get in touch, you can email us, Luanna at everythingluanna.com. Or you can drop us a WhatsApp on 07745 266 947. newsy bits.

35:50Anna Williamson:Right, we've got Imo. From one sexy story to a really quite horrible one. Violent pornography showing strangulation is to be banned. I didn't know that it was allowed, to be honest. Well no, it's like choking. Yeah, but I can imagine why it's going to be banned. Oh my god, someone did that to me once. I passed out. Really? During sex? Yeah. Really? Bad. Did you consent? Oh yeah, it was like rough and then And then that was it. Did you enjoy it? But did you ever, when you were little, I remember being at a pony camp thing. Everyone used to try and do it to each other. And we used to go like that to each other.

36:29So dangerous. Did you never do that? I think it was a thing of our era. I think it was a 90s. Did you do that, Bex? I think it was a thing. It was definitely a 90s thing. Anyone else do this? And you used to go up against the wall and you'd go like that to someone's neck and then see if you could make them pass out and then they'd pass out. All the boys used to do it. Yeah, we used to do it at parties. I remember doing it at this pony camp. but I must have been about 12 with their three.

36:50Anna Williamson:We were about 14, 15 and that's what you did at house parties. It was always the boys that would start doing it. Yeah, they'd all try and... I'd totally forgotten about that. Yeah, it would be like strangling. Yeah, funny, yeah. And then you'd be like shagging and be like... Never did it in sex. Didn't you? But no, but always... It makes an orgasm really intense. So this like choking kind of thing is going to be banned because it's too violent. The government's announced plans to make any porn showing strangulation illegal. as part of their pledge to half violence against women and girls. Well, this is fair.

37:23This is fair. So, it's already actually, I didn't know this, a criminal offence to possess porn depicting life-threatening acts, such as graphics strangulation. I didn't know it was illegal. I didn't know it was illegal.

37:33Anna Williamson:To have the porn. But the government is set to tighten up the laws, warning that dangerous online material is perpetuating the... which I do agree with, because porn is playing a huge part in all of this incel culture, perpetuating the growing epidemic of violence against young women. because boys are not seeing actual real life sex, basically. It's so heightened. So it comes after the Independent Porn Review. It was conducted by Baroness Gabby Burton. Baroness Gabby, head of the porn review. Head of the porn review. Why is that funny? I don't know. I'm sure it's a very serious job. It is, but as you say, hello, darling, what did you do today?

38:08I'm head of the porn review. I'm head of porn. I've been reviewing Baroness. A lot of porn. Baroness, they sit at that big grand table. Baroness, what have you been doing today? well, I've been looking at some big dicks going in, strangling gals. And I've decided, Bobby, that's dangerous. No, he would be called Tarquin. Tarx. Tarquin. That is dangerous. You don't do that to me with my 70s bush. No, you don't. So nobody else must do that. Not to be said for a 70s bush.

38:37Anna Williamson:Anyway, so the Baroness found that media sources have normalised such acts, which is true, she's right. and has created a belief that choking a partner during sex is safe because it's non-fatal. But it's not. No, I really support this. Her review, and I know we've been joking about it, but this obviously is a very serious story, and she's done a great job by the sounds of it, urged ministers to crack down on degrading violent and misogynistic porn in 32 recommendations, including outlawing so-called nudification apps. Oh, I don't know what a nudification app is. It's like an AI thing where you put on a photo of someone and it'll strip the clothes off them.

39:16Yes. Yep, yep, yep. Well, I mean, AI is so clever. Did you see that thing I put up this morning of Donald Trump? No. It looked like he's got him in a little pink outfit and he's on the back of a motorbike with Elon Musk and it looks so real. Really? Yeah, it's all AI.

39:31Anna Williamson:It's all AI, isn't it? It's all AI. But she goes on to say that online porn is fuelling some of the gravest issues in our society from domestic violence to toxic masculinity to the mental health crisis among young people and I have to agree with her. She's not wrong. She absolutely is. And she is. And I think this is actually a very. I mean, domestic violence is an epidemic. I was in the hairdressers and this most beautiful girl comes in and I was earwigging. And she's like, oh, yeah. Best time to earwig. She was basically on a night out. I then did talk to her about it. But she's on a night out.

40:05Boyfriend just came and got her from wherever she was and then beat the living daylights out of her. She was going, I've got a scar here and a scar here. he's now in prison. She was like, oh, I just don't know if I want to send him to prison. I know. I know, but it's just so, but it's just, and she went, oh, and the nice thing was that he ripped my eyelashes off. And I thought, oh my God, you're so.

40:29Anna Williamson:Like, blasé about it. She was so blasé about it. Well, I know people in my life that have also gone through this, and it is scary how almost accepting. Accepting. of it it's like oh yeah that happened you know oh well that was a chat and it's like no if someone hurt nobody should hurt anyone i'm not into hitting children i'm not into hitting any nobody should be violent to anybody never accept it why are we accepting it but not even the violence it's also just the the mental and emotional abuse like like like gary from our first story, like messaging and messaging his wife on the night out. It's not okay.

41:13Everybody is an independent person and your partner should complement and enrich your life. And if your life is not being complemented and enriched by your other half, they are not the right person for you and they do not deserve you. And if you're feeling it's more bad than good and you're living for the tiny little light shining good moments, it's not good. It's not good. Why are people putting up with it? Wild. Please stop putting up with it, guys. Anyway, the Baroness says that she's not a prude. She said, I'm not saying that porn shouldn't exist, and I'm not a prude, and I'm not saying people shouldn't watch it.

41:48No, porn's great. But basically, it just needs classifying and certain standards have to be met.

41:57Anna Williamson:Which I think we're all in favour of, yeah? I think this should be, you know, this is clearly a good move because it just helps parents as well, I think, And also kids and teens, whenever they're accessing all of this, it just helps put those boundaries. It comes down to boundaries and what is acceptable and what not acceptable. You know, I'm raising a boy, obviously a girl as well, but a boy, and I'm more and more aware. Funny enough, they've got sex education this week, you know, and I'm hugely pro children. What do they teach them? I mean, I should know. Well, it's age appropriate, but you start really with kind of more the anatomy and the correct terms for, you know, in the biological sense.

42:32Anna Williamson:But I'm a huge fan. Like, you know, Europe has it nailed. They have much lower teenage pregnancies, much healthier attitudes around it. I wonder what they teach in Europe that we don't know. Well, it's not dirty. Sex is not dirty. We're a bit British, aren't we still? Sex is a wonderful thing. But we need sex. Sex is a wonderful thing. And it's changing that narrative around it. And this is where, and I get people are nervous around talking about sex. And some of my mum friends are too. And I get that. I am not. But I think that's because. I'm not really. But I used to deliver some of these talks to primary children.

43:02Anna Williamson:so I'm very okay and very liberal around it but because I've seen the impact the positive impact on talking really honestly and openly about it I've talked to Enzo the other day asked me the big question around um you know how the seed gets in the egg what did you say and I told him the willy goes in the ninny you know and the initial and this is what I love about him yeah they know about the seed in the egg yeah and I've talked about consent but then I might have told them it was through the belly button actually you want to correct that you want to correct that but also i i but i then followed it up with anyone and this is the thing with him because i've ever since he was born like i've not talked about on here you know talk about periods we talk about this yeah he wanted to know what a period was he knew i talked about it being a an egg that isn't a viable egg and all of that you know and he's but he's he's gone now the initial kind of giggly stuff oh my god the giggles left a long time ago yeah because it's just a part of life and he And then we talked a bit about consent, you know, and I didn't call it.

44:01Anna Williamson:I think I named it consent, but I said, you know, so we don't go around, you know, doing that to everyone. Yeah, you know, but it's. Don't do that, Enzo. No, but yeah, because even at school they're messing around and they try and put fingers up each other's bums through PE kits and stuff like that. You know, but they're kids and they should be allowed to explore it and be curious without us dirtifying it through an adult lens. So it is, I think it is a parent's responsibility and teachers to educate our children. I get it's a difficult topic for a lot of people. But otherwise, and like, you know, what we're doing here, banning these extreme pornographic depictions.

44:36Anna Williamson:Well, because also kids then are going and seeking out porn. Exactly. And then this is what they're seeing. And then they're trying to reenact what they're seeing. Because that's all they've been taught and they don't actually understand it from grass. For me, it's about grassroots up. Yeah.

44:51This woman in our next story is a big fan fake. Go on. This is you, Anna. It's me, isn't it? A UK woman who forged a diploma worked as a psychiatrist for 20 years. No. She's basically a fake doctor. She practiced psychiatry in the UK's NHS for two decades.

45:13Anna Williamson:This is so serious. Can I also say the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist is that a psychiatrist is they can prescribe. So this is really, really worrying because they do all the psychologist stuff, but they prescribe actual drugs. So this is very dangerous. Well, she's been jailed and ordered to pay back hundreds of thousands of pounds. She was born in Iran and her family emigrated to Auckland, New Zealand in the 90s. There, she failed to secure the Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery degrees required to work as a qualified doctor. But she didn't let that stop her from fulfilling her dream.

45:50Girl after my own heart. I mean, why not? In the mid 90s, she moved to the UK. she took advantage of a legal loophole that allowed Commonwealth doctors to practice without additional examinations I wonder if she studied but didn't pass is what I'm getting the gist of here anyway normally if you're a doctor who obtains a degree overseas you have to take something a test but she bypassed that and basically forged paperwork and she went on to practice psychiatry all over the UK for about 20 years I mean did she practice well? I mean, I'm not. I don't know. She used forged New Zealand medical qualifications to obtain employment in the NHS.

46:30But she treated hundreds of patients. Her luck came to an end in 2018 when she was found guilty of forging, once again, but this time it was the will, of an 84-year-old woman in order to inherit her home by 300 ,000. So they then went down a rabbit hole and then they found out all these bloody forgeries. Jailed for five years, found guilty on three counts of fraud.

46:52Anna Williamson:Oh, my God. She was ordered to pay back more than£400 ,000 or face more jail time. Prosecutors claim that she earned more than£1.2 million over more than 20 years in the UK's National Health Service. She put the lives of her unknown patients at risk. I mean, yeah, I mean, she's prescribing like without a license, basically. They also warned the loophole used by this lady to practice medicine without any testing could have been used by other fraudsters. following the case the um uk's gmc launched a major review of around 3 000 overseas doctor doctor's licenses issued in the 90s i mean you can you can do a lot in the olden days i would have been a great little con woman you'd have just printed off one of your tooth fairy certificates i 100 would have been well dodgy back in the day in the day oh i would have been i would have been a vet or something you'd have just pretended you were a horse no i would have been better than that I would have been so rich and just been forging everything and conning everyone, I reckon.

47:51I would have been a bad person. And now you're just so rich and you don't need to.

47:58I've always fancied a bit of danger in life. A bit of danger money. Yeah. I'd quite like, if I watch Killing Eve, I'm like, oh, I would have loved to have been like Killing Eve.

48:07Anna Williamson:You like to live on the edge. On the edge, yeah. Well, these people like to live on the edge, or do they? It's time for... It's the widow of the week. Right, and I'm going to say, Thea, is it weird when I use my vibrator and I'm alone? Sometimes I just watch my Instagram stories. Who do you watch? Do you watch us? It doesn't turn me on. I'm not getting off on what I'm seeing. I'm just a busy mum, so I'm just multitasking. That's an interesting headspace. Isn't it? It's like her head is separate from her body. I'm thinking, oh, yes, that Aldi advert. I don't think I could do that I get that actually Go on It's kind of a mindfulness almost I think sometimes like Do you do this?

48:52Anna Williamson:Do you do that? Will you be on a Zoom call? No Imogen does this I remember when I was younger watching Banged Up Abroad and having wanks It's not that like the It's not that what's on your phone is turning you on or whatever It's just like Just having a little fiddle You're doing it anyway there's like a means to an end and then oh i see just like the escapism yeah just doom scrolling you're watching luana have you basically climaxed to us is all we want to know fear i don't think well emmo doesn't think that's weird because clearly emmo does it okay brilliant although it is a bit weird but like i don't know if you get this fear but you're doing it and then like someone you know the you the end happens and then you actually like clock what you're looking at and you're like, ew.

49:41Anna Williamson:That's like porn though, isn't it? The minute you've actually done the deed and you're like, ew, God, get it off, get it off. I don't really watch porn ever now. You used to be well into granny porn. You loved granny porn. You were so into your granny porn. I wasn't so into it.

50:01If I remember rightly, so were you.

50:04Anna Williamson:I mean, like I say, no judgment. I definitely went down that rabbit hole as well. I think we all went through a granny porn stage I did not Becca have you? No Just us It's probably because we're old We're old and weird Granny porn Wow I like to think because Lou and I have lived a very rich and fulfilled sex lives That we need to just push that boundary Yeah We think she doth protest too much Right we've got Blanche next Says hey ladies I love your podcast Please never ever stop I'd like to nominate my husband for Weirder of the Week this man who I've been married to for eight years now loves nothing more than eating slices of dry bread but that's not the weird part he'll chew it keep it in his mouth so it turns a big wet soggy clump take it out of his mouth and nibble on it sucking up all the wet bready bits it's so disgusting to behold he's the perfect husband otherwise so I do put up with him make my day and make him weirder with the wheat peas Yes, congratulations.

51:08We can make your Dave lunch. You're disgusting.

51:11Anna Williamson:That's right. That's horrific. I really want to move on because I actually feel like I'm going to gag. Vile. And I really want my sandwich at lunch and to not be put off by that. Oh, why did you mention that? Sorry, sorry. I wasn't even thinking about my sandwich. Think of the granny porn again. Granny vag, granny vag, granny vag, granny vag. I don't like granny vages anymore. What are you into now? It's nothing really. I think I've got no sex drive anymore. I need to get back on. I need to get back on Maca Root. Oh, yes. Yeah. The Maca. What, for sex drive? Well, it's like a hormone. You should take it, Perry.

51:45Does it work? Yeah, because it's like your hormones, your energy levels, your sex drive. Actually. I'm going to start taking it again. I recommended it to the hairdresser yesterday. She's going through the menopause. I was like, you need to take Maca Root. You're right.

51:56Anna Williamson:Maca Root's good. And I'm also, I'm on my real, you know, my real superfoods. That is really, really good. But also, I am going to, you can come along the journey with me, guys, if you like. So I'm going to start seeing one of those bio people about getting my perimenopause concoction. We just need to go and have your hormones. Did you have a blood test? Because my friend, she's 40 in September, she was like, I feel a bit perry. And then the doctor's like, no, no. Anyway, I gave her a blood test anyway. And she is, she's perry. Yeah, I know I'm perry. I know I am. Yeah, and you're older than her because you're 43.

52:29Anna Williamson:Yeah. Are you 43 this year? No, I'm 44 this year. Oh, my God. No, old fuck. You're actually quite a bit older than me. Old fuck. Fuck you. But I am going to go and do it because a couple of my mates have had this done. Do you have regular periods still? Do you know what? I am so regular and I ovulate. I ovulate the other day and I'm so, and I have really agony when I ovulate. Really? Worse than a period. You feel that ache? Yeah, I ovulate from my left hand side. Really? It's that painful. Oh yeah, I've had all the egg white. I just don't get anything. I'm like. I'm bang on. I'm just like a blank piece of paper.

53:06Oh. No feelings. Nothing. You get PMS still though.

53:10Anna Williamson:You're on the coil, aren't you? Do you think I get PMS? No, you said you get PMS. Or do you not? I think I get hungry. But I now find that ovulating, any other Lufanians identify this? Because I don't know if I'm the weirdo on this one, but I feel now that the ovulation week for me is worse than the period week and I now have all the symptoms of that in the ovulation week, so I want to eat more I have a sweet tooth I have a sweet tooth I'm all in ovulation but then when I have periods now once a month for like four days like the other week I ate chocolate about every day it was so unlike me that is weird I even ate a Yorkie it was really good oh I love it raisin and biscuit a raisin and biscuit Yorkie oh my god oh my god I was in the petrol station I was like the purple one the purple one the purple one oh my god let's get some of those and then I ate that Yorkie and that made me happy it's chunky and then Clemmie was with me and then she ate half of it and I was actually pissed off I couldn't deny her I would have done I felt like well she can eat the calories because actually if someone eats half of it it's no calories well that's interesting I just want to know if anyone else feels the ovulation PMS because now I'm in that phase now and I wonder if it's because you know when you get to the end of your fertile phase you like have a massive boom of it like you're mega fertile towards the end yes because some people they think that they're going through the menopause then they get up the dump And I worry if I'm now in the danger zone.

54:33Anna Williamson:Don't get up the door. No. Because you don't use anything. We don't have sex during ovulation at all. Well, what if you're going to be ovulating on the boat? I won't be. We've been on the boat now. We have been on the boat. That episode will come soon. I, yeah, no, I reckon I'm in my last throes of fertility. Because I ovulate like a motherfucker. I want to eat my Yorkie. Yeah. And then I get the period. The period's on time. But, you know, bang, done. I don't get all of the weird symptoms now. It's ovulation. Yeah, it's weird. Maybe that, well, they offered her, she's only 40, they offered her HRT, she said no.

55:05The cream's really good, apparently. What cream?

55:07Anna Williamson:That's what you take it, you rub a cream on. Oh, my mum takes a tablet. You can do it loads of different ways, but a lot of people now have a gel. But you just rub a bit of cream on and that's it. Get straight into bloodstream, yeah, it's like a gel, gel or a cream. That just shows that our skin is amazing, isn't it? Yeah. It's like you just put a bit of cream on your skin. But you have the right makeup. Fixes the pairing. You have the right kind of combination of HRT done. if you can get bog standard through your GP or you can go to, I can't remember what it's called. Endocrinologist. Yes, something like that, where they test all your different levels because you need to have enough estrogen, enough testosterone, and they give you the right combo.

55:41I think all I could do is some more testosterone. Woof. I've got some testosterone. But I'm not ranting because I've already moaned about keepsakes and I think they're a waste of fucking time. I really want to hear the back, not backlash, I want to hear the feedback on the keepsakes. Well, come on. We're all going to die. Why do we keep fucking cards as well? And you feel bad throwing away a card from your kid. No, I throw those away. Yeah.

56:05Anna Williamson:Oh, they just clutter up the card. I keep teeth, not cards. How weird is that? Well, I just think chuck everything. We need to rid ourselves of all this shit. And then some people say, oh, take a photo of it. Then I don't want another photo on my camera roll. Also, I wish I could just find someone that would just go through my camera roll and clean it up. I've got you. How many pictures have you got on your phone? 15 ,000. That's not that many I thought it would be more than that I do clean my phone out How do I see it I have 32 ,324 Bloody hell What have you got Bex You're a social media manager You must have shit loads No it's frozen And also I think my phone Every time I go on my phone How many photos have we all got 222 ,997 Pardon?

56:58Anna Williamson:What? 52 ,000 for social media money banks. Yeah, look. 52 ,000. No, 222 ,000. What many have you home got? Well, I don't know. Obviously, a big one. A very big one. Emoji, what have you got? Yeah, 32 ,000. You've only got 15. I've got 51 ,847 videos. 6 ,000 selfies. Do you not delete when you go along? No. I just want someone to take my phone. Just go and delete all. Bex is like, no, I'm not doing it. There's apps that you can do. Yeah, they're true, actually. Yeah, you could do that. I mean... Get Agent Sam to do it. Look at some of these quality pictures. That's actually really cute. Who's the kid in the...

57:48Anna Williamson:Oh, that's Dix's friend, yeah. Oh, do you know what, guys? That is it. Thank you for joining us here today. How big is your camera roll? But don't worry. I wonder if anyone's is bigger than mine. I think that's a record. 222, 993. That's absolutely wild. That's wild. And to be honest, even I wouldn't want to start. It's overwhelming. Yeah, that is a lot. But every time I get a new phone, you know, the pictures are downloaded. So I've got pictures from like 2012 and stuff. Haven't you? What are all your pictures? They're all backed up on my MacBook. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't know how to do all this stuff.

58:24Anna Williamson:Oh, Alex does it for me. See, I need Alex in my life My Alex will do it for you I'm not even joking I can't let him look through my camera He won't care, he's seen him loads of times Bring your laptop on the yacht Oh, we've been on the yacht When we've recorded this episode We haven't yet been on the yacht Because basically we needed to record So we could go on the fucking yacht So we could have a time off, okay? So this is a fucking pre-record If you don't fucking like it Go fuck yourselves Because we deserve a break too Okay bitches I'm going to go and drown in fucking class That's all now and wear sequins and dance on tables and you bitches get this episode.

59:00Anna Williamson:Boom. But give Al your laptop and your phone and he'll do it for you. Right, we're here on Monday. Of course we are, because we're never off, guys. We're always on. Isn't that the phrase, Imo? We're always on. Always on. But if you don't want to wait until then, Thursday we have Luana Totally Extra. For you, we need you. It's your episode, Lufanians. Don't be shy. The inbox is bare. Don't be shy. Don't be shy. Send your emails in, right? your anecdotes, your stories, your petty pollies, your shit gifts. I mean, come on, let's do this. Luanna at everythingluanna.com is the email address. Our WhatsApp number to send a voice note or tether is 07745266947.

59:38Yes, that's all lovely. Goodbye. Follow us. That's really important.

59:42Anna Williamson:Is it really? It's really important. Does anyone do it? Is anyone listening now thinking, I'm just going to do what they are, so I'm going to hit follow, which is probably in the right-hand top corner? Please, do follow now. I'm going to follow, because if you do, you go into a draw to win a prize. I will follow them. My vagina fluids. Congratulations and jubilation. You actually don't. You'll get Anna's ovulation liquid. No, you won't. Right, well done. Leave us a review as well. See you Thursday. Bye.

1:00:16This is a Global Player original podcast. Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice? I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our 7-day return policy at Carvana.com.