In short
Christmas planning, family traditions, and a village nativity update, plus games, listener stories, and festive recommendations.
Guests/backgrounds
No named guests appear; the hosts are Luanna, Imo, Bex, and Anna/Emma mentioned as co-hosts/participants. They discuss their families, living situations (including Dubai), and local community theatre.
Key claims
Luanna is co-producer/director again for the Village Nativity, expecting 300+ attendees and candle-lit “hurrah” at the end. She missed a church choir solo due to her child’s birthday and theatre bookings. Christmas hosting menu includes white lasagna (no tomato), tiramisu, rolled turkey leg, roast beef, Yorkshire puddings, sprouts with chestnuts and white wine, and sticky toffee pudding.
Notable examples
Panto at Gordon Craig Theatre (Dick Whittington); “Hues and Cues” board game; Christmas dinner prep the day before; A&E story about an inflatable turkey costume causing a battery-acid burn; “Tradition or Tradition” quiz with international Christmas facts; “Weirdo of the Week” includes cereal-in-stockings and barbecue sauce/mayo on Christmas dinner.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOChristmas Chaos and Plans
0:45 to 2:18
Hosts discuss their Christmas preparations and plans amidst holiday chaos.
“I am in the trenches of just the kid shit now.”
Christmas Menu Revealed
2:18 to 5:44
Detailed discussion of the Christmas menu with special dishes planned.
“Doing a big tiramisu in the if a bird pud.”
Excitement for Christmas Day
5:44 to 8:16
Hosts share their excitement for the upcoming Christmas Day and traditions.
“Because I make a really good sticky toffee pudding.”
Planning for Luanna Sleepovers
8:16 to 10:30
Hosts discuss plans for sleepovers and cooking together for content.
“We can use that for our come dine with me nights.”
Nanny and Family Dynamics
10:30 to 12:11
Hosts talk about their new nanny and the family dynamics during Christmas.
“My mum and dad, a classic example of you've got to keep yourself active in mind and in body.”
Christmas Choir Anticipation
12:11 to 14:01
Discussion on participation in the Christmas choir and missed opportunities.
“No, we've got to decide which one it is.”
Village Nativity Production
14:01 to 16:47
Discussing the upcoming Village Nativity production and family involvement.
“So I would have otherwise, I obviously would have worked it.”
Christmas Dinner Prep Tips
16:48 to 19:39
Sharing practical tips for preparing Christmas dinner in advance.
“Last year, this board game came into our lives and I recommend it.”
The Gift of Time
19:40 to 20:36
Encouraging listeners to give themselves or others the gift of time during the holidays.
Funny Christmas A&E Story
21:40 to 23:25
Sharing a humorous Christmas story involving an inflatable turkey costume.
“Let's festive muff hunting like I do and I will be with a chocolate orange in a couple of days' time.”
Show all 15 chapters
Christmas Family Dilemma
23:26 to 27:57
Discussing a listener's struggle to balance family Christmas traditions.
“The only saving grace is that she didn't put the battery pack in her knickers.”
Embarrassing Christmas Party Tales
28:00 to 31:14
A humorous recount of a disastrous work Christmas party involving a mechanical bull.
“she says who read the last do you want to read this I don't really mind oh hi Luana and I don't OG listener.”
Christmas Quizzes and Games
32:32 to 42:01
Engaging discussion about quirky Christmas traditions and fun trivia games.
“Now, IMO has put in capitals the unexpected, totally unasked for and completely not because there aren't enough Christmassy news stories.”
Christmas Quiz Game
42:01 to 48:09
Participate in a fun and humorous Christmas-themed quiz game with the hosts.
“Number four, 11 in cards, cold indicator.”
Weirdo of the Week
48:10 to 50:34
The hosts share and discuss quirky Christmas traditions from listeners.
“Right, let's move on now for some weirdo time.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:02This is a Global Player original podcast.
0:05Anna Williamson:Ho, ho, ho, be warned, it's Luana and this podcast contains honest upfront opinions, rants, pants and general explicit content, but you know you love it. You sound like a Christmas villain. Yeah, it wasn't quite the old Big Daddy C I was hoping for. Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho. We've got three more sleeps until it's Christmas Day. Right, anyway. Hi, guys. Welcome to Luanna the podcast. I hope you're all amongst Christmas chaos. Well, I think that's a given really, isn't it, for a lot of people. Let's hope that everybody's broken up from work now. And I'm sorry if you're still working. I'm still working.
0:40When do you actually finish?
0:42Anna Williamson:Crimbo Eve? Yeah. Do you? Yeah. Wow. Crimbo Eve. I am in the trenches of just the kid shit now. What have you done for Elle's birthday? She wanted a few little friends over for a little pamper. A little pamper thing. So that was fine. so a little bit of a pampa situation which was nice. Panto love a bit of panto at this time of year I'm going to panto Yes. Which one? The one in Stevenage it's at the Gordon Craig Theatre This one is Dick Whittington Dick! Dick Whittington I love panto. I was actually going to I'm not going to because of just too many things I was thinking of but I was going to put panto as a general in my rec-o-secco for this week.
1:24Anna Williamson:I know we're not onto that yet but I do think everybody should take their kids to Panto if they can. Well if you want we can move on to Recoseco, you've already brought it in. Well I have, I know, but other than do we have any other Christmas guff we want to chat about? What are your Christmas plans then? We are hosting this year. Oh! What's on the menu? On the menu, well I did my menu the other day. Oh yeah, what's the menu? Go on. Christmas Eve, people arrive, we're doing Christmas lasagna. Nice! Is that different to normal lasagna? Yeah, it's like a I'm doing like a white It's Christmas Eve, that's why It's a white lasagna with sausage and it's got How is it white?
2:04Just no tomato in it? Yeah, no tomatoes in it. So just bechamel It's very Italian. Yeah, it's very delicious like creamy, cheesy sausagey, sagey vibes
2:13Anna Williamson:You had me with sausage Delicious. Sausage and cream I was in. That and doing I bet you were. In your own night Yum. Doing a big tiramisu in the if a bird pud. Oh yeah. I don't like tiramisu. Do you not? No. Was that Christmas pud? Tiramisu. Oh yeah. Oh you've gone really Italian. Doing a big tiramisu. That's Big Al's favourite pud. I don't like it. He loves a tiramisu. Do a big tiramisu. And then the next day I'm doing Tiramisu. Lovely. You're on actual fire today. Brilliant. I'm doing a rolled turkey leg. Because I wasn't going to do a breast. A rolled? So what is it? You just roll the leg like a rolling pin?
2:54Anna Williamson:It's a boned turkey. It's a boned turkey. That's what they call it. What, you're just cooking one leg of turkey? I'm doing rolled turkey leg, as I've just stated. Did you sort of wish you hadn't offered this information up? And I'm doing beef and beef. What's it rolled in? I don't understand. So you debone it and you kind of flatten it and then you put stuffing in it and you roll it up. Oh! So it's like a... I have images of you just with a leg and rolling it. Like Fred Flintstone. I was thinking that's a funny thing to do. No, no, no. And I'm doing beef. I'm doing all the sides. Mac and cheese?
3:29Not mac and cheese. No, that's very American. Not Americana. We're not American, for goodness sake. We're doing roast potatoes, obviously. I'm doing a veggie, what's it called? Wellington for the veggies. Nice. I'm doing sprouts. I'm doing red cabbage. I'm doing carrots. Nays ask for peas, so peas. I love peas. I love peas. Do you know, can I just give you a pea tip? Go on. Cook them.
3:56Fucking celebrity master chef. Bring it on. I like to do my peas with then a wad of butter in them. Nice, yes. And mint, fresh mint chopped up. And tell me, sprouts, how are you cooking them? Sprouts aren't my favourite, but I'm going to, I think, shred them. So they're quite shreddy. and then I'm going to fry them in like the classic butter and bacon. Bacon, chestnuts. You got chestnuts off me.
4:25Anna Williamson:You gave me my whole Christmas dinner recipe and you did, Emma, actually. Best sprouts, what I find, is pan, sprouts, half. Yeah, you told me this and I did this. Olive oil, fresh herbs, sage, rosemary, other herbs that you might want to do. So I've got it on the phone somewhere. Chopped onion, garlic, cook all that. New addition, white wine in there. Did you tell me to stick it in a bag first and rub it all around? I can't remember. That was carrots. I did that with a carrot. I did all my prep on that, Chris. So anyway, then cook all that. A bit of white wine in there. That's a new addition. Then put your halved sprouts in.
5:07Brown them off so they catch a bit. And then you want it to kind of stick a bit to the bottom. And then put veggie stock in there. and then saute them in there and then chestnuts, chop them up and add them in. If you're not a veg, you could add bacon lardens as well in there. Such a good sprout recipe. It's a great sprout recipe. Anything else on that? I'm controversially doing Yorkshire puddings, but we are having beef. Always, always. And all the condiments. Two different types of gravy. Brilliant. Beef and turkey. What else? Yeah, I can't remember what else. Cheese board. Other things. Then I will do some sort of pudding.
5:43This is going to cost you a fortune. I'm doing sticky toffee pudding. Yeah. Because I make a really good sticky toffee pudding. Well, you've never made it for me. Well, I will. In the new year, please, can you? Yeah, I'll bring it. Please do. I actually will. And then, yeah, cheese board in evening. Kicking them out on Boxing Day. Good. I just got excited about it. Go on. So, you know, obviously, if people are listening to this and they know I have moved to Dubai, but I'm back to do Luana. All the time. Every month, sometimes twice a month.
6:12Anna Williamson:Guys, it's like she's... Basically, nothing has actually changed, guys. Not for you, but my whole life has. And where we're recording Luanna, you're going to be staying the night. Oh, there you go. You can bring it. So Imo and I and Bex, we're all having regular sleepovers, which means that when we do that, we should all do like a cookie... We should all cook together. Because there's going to be no kids in my house either, which is going to be great. Yeah. And like every month, And this is great social content. It could be like a book club. We might even invite Anna. Well, don't push your luck.
6:48Anna's going to get FOMO. You will. You'll have to stay.
6:50Anna Williamson:I'll just have to stay. Just tell Al. No, I've blocked out those. You need a night off. Listen, the good thing about the Luanna Diary for 2026 is that... It's very planned. And he's really pleased about it because he's like, he knows exactly what I'm doing. He's like, this is really good organisation. It's like, I can work with this. Oh, no, I'm staying over too. We'll all have a bedroom. We could go swimming in the pool. We could get a masseuse over. Get a masseuse over. Oh my God. We could actually make it proper champagne. Right, Luanna is actually going up in the world for next year. We should actually, sorry if everyone's listening to this, but on an editing point of view, we should actually properly plan it.
7:24Because then we could get some really good content for our YouTube. And if you are watching us on YouTube, hi, if you're not watching us on YouTube, then do now, check us out, everything Luanna on YouTube. But we could get really cool BTS stuff for our viewers and our listeners. Should we do a come down? Oh, I just thought of it. Oh, you did. Shall we do a come dine with me then in January? All of it. So sticky toffee pudding. And if you tell me what ingredients you need, I'll book an Ocado to come before. Oh, dreamy. All of this is brilliant.
7:52Anna Williamson:I love all this. I cannot wait. Brilliant. Oh, I'm hungry. I'm starving. Do you know what? Talking of Christmas, I'm so excited about Christmas Day this year. After you both propped me up to cook my Christmas lunch the other year, which went really well. Yeah, you did a good job. Thanks for the heat. Well, I had a panic attack on my knees at 10.30 in the morning. I was like, this is too much. which I was like, now to quit Ross and Friends, the pressure of entertaining. It went very well. It was brilliant. Oh, it's a lot of work in it. I love it. But the heated trolley is excellent. I've now got one.
8:21Anna Williamson:I know. We can use that for our come dine with me nights. The heated trolley is now back where it belongs. We could even invite really faithfully Fanny. It's like Claire from Claire's Memory Bears. We like her. Possibly. Maybe like Friends of the Pod. Friends of the Pod. Yeah, maybe we'll do that. Niamh's dying to come. Oh, we'll bring Niamh and Lee. Sorry, Claire, but you're out and needs it. Leave him, Leah, in. She's my crush. But I've managed to basically force everybody over to my parents' house who have what we call the Christmas house in the family. They have the Christmas house. And I'm very excited because, so my mum, a little bit hesitant because she's getting on a bit now.
8:55Anna Williamson:She's like, oh, it's a lot, darling, with you all. It is a lot. But we do it all for her. Why doesn't everyone bring a dish? Babes, this is classic my mum. She moans about it. She doesn't actually do anything because my younger brother is an incredible chef, so Jo does all the cooking anyway. Oh, what's she moaning about then? Exactly. So it's the Christmas house. Exactly. But, sure love that. But it's worked into my favour this year because the kids, because obviously the granny pad, I'm also coining it now, it's going to be the glammy pad when I move back in. Oh, I saw your garden. They look really good.
9:24Thanks, babe. Good company. We're going well.
9:26Anna Williamson:Honestly, I'm so excited about all the people that are working on the house. I'm so excited. But the kids were then really stressed because we have a chimney, because it's an old house. You put them up the chimney. Yeah, we do. We do. We do. But the fireplace where Father Christmas comes down with the prezzies, obviously we're not in the house for Christmas. Oh, no. But my mum and dad have the same, like, Inglelook fireplace. So I was like, they were like, well, where's he going to come? I was like, we've got to go to Granny and Grandpa's. So my mum and dad told my parents we're coming. Well, my dad, who is Mr.
9:57Anna Williamson:Christmas. Are you going to stay there the night before? My dad is so excited. Because otherwise they'll wake up at the cracker door. No, but this is it. Oh, yeah, you're going to be there the night before. So my dad, who is Mr. Christmas, hasn't had the kids around on Christmas Eve for years. He's got matching jammies for them. He's taken Enzo to Emma Ness to get posh cookies and all the stuff. My dad is living his best life. He's like, we're going to get up at 5am. I love the Christmas magic. The Christmas magic is absolutely brimming right now. So yeah, Christmas at the old years. I've ordered matching PJs for us all.
10:23And we've got our new nanny whose name I'm actually going to change for the sake of the pod because she's very private. Fine. And she's not on socials and stuff. That's good. So we need to think of a name. Nanny Claire. Nanny Claire. Nanny Claire. She doesn't really look like a Claire. let's call her Nanny Claire she's actually only 23 anyway so it's her first Christmas with us her and Nat have also moved to Dubai can't get rid of them and I've bought her the matching PJs it's her, what's it called, an inaugural yeah, inaugural Christmas with us
10:57Anna Williamson:brace yourself Claire she's going to have to put those PJs on well, this is what I'm so excited about because my mum and dad were a bit like my dad's nearly 80 My mum's 75. It'll give them a new lease of life. My mum and dad, keep them young. Do you know what? My mum and dad, a classic example of you've got to keep yourself active in mind and in body. Those two are trotting around like they're 25 still. Your mum's not even hunched over. My mother is so active. She's in great nick. She literally sprints. She's like a little... My mum is a Duracell bunny. She's like a Tasmanian dog. She is. They're out with that dog every morning romping around the field.
11:32She's very posh. I love... She's very posh. I love... Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word. My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. Twas a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight, we feast.
12:01Anna Williamson:An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up these, me or fly. Let's do a festive Reco Seco. I have a Reco Seco. Have we not got a tune? No, we've got to decide which one it is. We have to decide. Oh! From all the ones that we've had before. It's now the Reco Seco, the last one of the year. So you better listen to our Reco Seco. With cheer. Sorry, before we move on to this, what is happening with the village the solo you've not spoken about that at all nothing's happening this year I feel there's a lot happening the reason I haven't spoken about it girls is because I am in bereavement so actually I have forgot to say about this last year you were like once in a row and then this year you said that you had been selected to do the solo you were buzzing about it that you were doing the nativity again?
13:03Anna Williamson:Well, actually, there's good and bad news. So the slightly regrettable news is that the big Christmas choir in the church choir, the big concert took place yesterday. But it also coincided with my second born's birthday. And we had to go out, obviously, for her birthday. And we'd already got plans that were already in the diary. But I was by, do you remember Choir Master Giles? Yes. I did get a message to say that Christmas choir was coming back again. And would I like to take part as a soloist? They were moving on the Once in Royal, rotating it. Well, we hadn't quite got that far because I said, I'm so sad to say this, Choir Master Giles.
13:44Anna Williamson:I said, I can't make the concert. Why couldn't you just work it round her birthday? You obviously didn't want to do it that much. Well, but I got theatre booked for us all. Oh, okay. We were literally the same time. So the entire family, an extended family, I booked the tickets in March. Because that's her birthday outing. was a big family. So at the same time. So you missed out. Yeah, because it was at the same time. It's literally the same time. So I would have otherwise, I obviously would have worked it. It's a chair. Oh, all right. But in better news, and this is exciting, girls. In fact, you know what?
14:16Anna Williamson:Are you directing again? Oh, here we go. I just don't like to brag, guys. What can I say? But you are looking at for the second year running. Chris, two days time. In fact, tomorrow, I am the producer director co-producer director yet again with the village nativity oh yes last year we had over 300 people that is quite amazing for a small village when i said they were having to find chairs from the hall over the road because it was standing room only oh and it got a bit dodgy when we lit the candles at the end we do a big kind of like hurrah at the end uh my son give me an amen Give me an amen.
14:56Anna Williamson:My son is obviously his mother's daughter. No, mother's son. Because, whichever one. Transitioned. Yeah, exactly. Because he has decided, without even being asked, he is full narrator. Wow. He did announce to me he's quote unquote. Bit of nepotism there. Yeah, 100%. And then he was like, I'm going off script. Oh, no. Yeah, I know, which is a worry. No, this is a worry. He went off script last year. Yes. Which was a worry. But he's going off script, but he's decided he's an narrator. Brilliant. He also said they wanted to be Joseph. And I said, you can't do everything. And he went, yes, I can. He went, that's what big film directors do.
15:31Anna Williamson:He went, some big actresses and actors, they direct as well as star in. And I was like, you're not wrong, but you're not, because everyone's going to hate me. Elle is going to be, well, she doesn't want to do anything, so she just wants to follow me around. She could just put the star outfit on again. So this is big. So anyone that's listening in my village, I put out the casting call. We had a big response. Wow. Anyone that lives in my village or surrounding parishes. Okay. Okay. Our new reverend has gone far and wide. I wonder if your mate's going from the Facebook chat. Oh, I think there'll be loads.
16:01Anna Williamson:Oh, yeah. Good point. Oh, yeah. Well, this is going to be interesting. Don't fuck with my village, I'm telling you. Please come along tomorrow if you live in my village or surrounding areas, 3pm to the local church. You'll know if you live anywhere near me and know me. You need to come prepared to either... Outfits? Well, we've got outfits in the vestry. We've got all the outfits. What, 300? Well, no, we only have about like, well, for the casting. So you can come as anything you like. If you want to just come as an ensemble party, you can come dressed as a sheep. I'm going to come as a dildo.
16:33Anna Williamson:Brilliant. You'd get the starring role. Santa's cock. Brilliant. Santa's sack. Yep. That's what I do. I want someone to turn up as Santa's sack. Santa isn't part of nativity. Well, who says? Well, in this day and age, when you can be a furry or whatever you want to be, I could be Santa's sack Do you know what the reverend would say all are welcome and I will say on behalf of the reverend and my parish all are welcome but last year it was me and me village mate Lindsay I was going on a bit now I was going to do Recoseco 10 minutes ago oh yeah we were but turn up it's going to be good I'm going to take videos and I will be posting them that's what I'm going to say right sorry carry on Recoseco yeah yes what are we on what bit are we on now we're going to recommend things oh fine okay go okay I'll start it's Christmas it is the time of year of the board game.
17:21Yes. I love a board game. Last year, this board game came into our lives and I recommend it. It's called Hues and Cues. Oh, what's Hues? Hues as in H-U-E-S, as in colours. Like a hue of a colour. It's basically a big old board of colours. And yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't be poo-pooing. All right, okay, all right. Yeah, just keep talking. All right. And basically what you do is like the first person, they pick up a card and it tells you which colour on the board it corresponds to. And then you have to describe that colour using one word. Oh, OK. For example, if it was hot pink, you could say Barbie or whatever.
18:04OK. Everyone else has to put their little counter on whichever colour on the board they think you're talking about. Anyway, it's really good fun. OK, that does actually sound quite fun. And it's actually really good. Because you could say bogey if it was green or something. Quite a good gift, isn't it? It is good. You know if you're going round to somebody's house or you've got quite a nice gift to take a board game. I love a board game. We love games in our house. Good recco, Lou? So mine is if you're cooking your Christmas dinner, do your prep the day before. It's the biggest recommendation and gift I can give to people.
18:40Get your potatoes. You can peel them, you can chop them, then keep them in water with a splash of milk. It'll stop them from discolouring. And like your carrots, your parsnips, peel them, chop them however you want. Put them in a sandwich bag with all your spices and not spices, but your seasoning and your herbs. And it just makes everything so easy. Love that. You can even like do your stuffing the day before and then put that in the fridge ready to cook. You can actually do quite a lot the day before. Make your Yorkshire's the day before. You can make your Yorkshire's. You can make your red cabbage and just warm that up.
19:12You made me do my gravy, which was good. So you both did my dinner. So it can ferment. But yeah, just get all of that prep done. It saves so much time.
19:23Anna Williamson:Love that. My recoseco is a little bit life-cuchy, but only because it's something that I've just done, is the gift of giving yourself a day to do whatever the F you want. Well, there's mums listening to this, eye-rolling at that, because there's no day now. But there's none left. But if anyone is listening, but giving somebody else the gift of that so whether you can offer to babysit or i would say between now and like once we get to boxing day there's lots of um voucher codes and stuff like that for kind of spas because i do not everyone likes a spa i do um but i think if you can afford it or if you know go onto one of those code sites that's code sites and give yourself your own personal gift i think we spend so much time at this time of year giving to everybody else which is lovely we do neglect ourselves i think there's a lot of different good deals around this time if you can if you are listening to this and you could give somebody else in your life the gift of looking after their kids for a few hours or buying them a massage or saying look just give yourself two hours to go and have a magazine and go and sit in the cost of coffee by yourself give somebody the gift of a bit of time to themselves because i think this time of year can be really knackering overstimulating overwhelming so either do it for yourself or do it for somebody else.
20:35Very good. And also, another thing you could do for yourself is win£100 ,000. Wow. So it's nearly Christmas. We're just a smidge away from it. And your Christmas could be so much better if you won£100 ,000 right in your bank account right before Christmas. Because on Wednesday, the 24th of December, a celebrity could be calling you with a present. And it's one you're never going to forget. The best Christmas gift you will ever be given. 100 ,000 macaroonies straight in your bank account. I always say you've got to be in it to win it. If your name's not in the game, you ain't getting in. So all you've got to do is text the word Luanna to 82200.
Read the full transcript
21:17That's L-U-A-N-N-A to 82200.
21:21Anna Williamson:Text costs$250 plus your standard network rate or you can enter online via Global Player. Lines close at 5pm Wednesday 24th of December and that's when you'll need to be by your phone in case it rings. You've got to be 18 or over. Get the rules online and free entry details for this Global Network competition at globalplayer.com.
21:39Anna Williamson:Right, messages. Let's festive muff hunting like I do and I will be with a chocolate orange in a couple of days' time. Oh, lovely. I've already seen my mam's bought me one. That was terrible hiding from her. Message from Leanne. I do have a funny Christmas A and E story. Brilliant. Love it. It's good before we've even read it. It is. Me, my cousin and my sister-in-law go to clubber-sized class. I've always wanted to try that. Oh, I love this. Up there with boxer-sized, I think. If you're not familiar with clubber-sized, it's exercise classes with glow sticks, much like a Luana meet-up. Just before Christmas, we had a fancy dress theme.
22:15Anna Williamson:So my cousin decided to get her inflatable turkey costume from the loft, as you do, and do the class in that. In the spirit of Christmas, I decided to join in and I went as a giant cracker. And my sister-in-law went as the chef. Together, we were the Christmas dinner. Brilliant. It's excellent. It's quite a high intensity class and the turkey was sweating. She wanted to take off the cosy and I kept thinking of the sense of achievement you'll have. That you'll have done the whole class of the turkey. Kept saying think of the sense of achievement. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, come on. Keep it on. You've got this.
22:43Anna Williamson:Come on. Being a girl that likes to accept the challenge, that turkey sweated it out and carried on like a true charm. The turkey's about to die. What is it struck to think? Gets to cool down and the chef gets a call from her son so she had to leave early. Leaving the cracker and turkey to finish off the class, it wasn't until after the class the turkey realised that the battery pack from the inflatable costume she'd secured in her leggings pocket, oh no, had started reacting with her body sweat and she had a nice chemical burn to the thigh. Oh my God, that's so bad. She ended up in A &E. Moral of the story, don't let the chef leave early and burn the turkey.
23:17Anna Williamson:Yay! The turkey actually got burnt. Fucking hell. Battery acid. When she was being examined, she had no feeling. Oh no, this is awful. and lost all sensation in her upper thigh. The only saving grace is that she didn't put the battery pack in her knickers. Because I've done that with those inflatable costumes. That's really bad. It was so hilarious watching them type in the notes that she was dressed as an inflatable turkey. A few times the medical professionals would ask why, to which we just replied, why not? It's definitely a Christmas we won't forget. Merry Christmas. Oh, and here's the picture.
23:47Anna Williamson:She's got a picture. I mean, that's commitment from those girls. She actually did a whole club of size in that turkey outfit. I love that person for doing that. Me too. She looks great. I'm sorry you got burnt. Love those outfits. Right, we've got another message in from Bessie. Hi, Luanamo. Please keep me in on. Name me after my nan. Bessie. Oh, Bessie. Bessie. Bessie. I'm hoping you might be able to give me some advice because I'm feeling really stuck about Christmas this year. For as long as I can remember, Christmas Day has always been spent at my parents' house. It's a big deal to them. My mum starts planning in September and my dad basically lives for cooking the Christmas dinner.
24:26It's one of their traditions that has never been questioned. For the last six years, my partner spent Christmas around mine because he knows it means so much to me and my family. Then we go to his family in the Gooch. But this year, my partner's parents have asked if we could spend Christmas with them. They've recently had some health issues and it would mean a lot to them if we were there. My partner is really close to them and understandably wants to spend the day with his family for once. the problem is my parents are not taking it well when I mentioned the idea of not being there and ultimately alternating Christmases as the years go on my mum cried said I was breaking her heart my dad went quiet and he's been super shifty with me since then there's been a weird vibe every time I speak to them like they're hurt but also trying to guilt trip me into changing my mind I feel completely torn I want to be fair to both families and I know that I can't be in two places at once I'm an only child and I know how sad my parents will be just being them too I feel like I'm abandoning them At the same time I want to support my partner And recognise that his family's needs matter too How do I set boundaries without causing a fallout And how do I handle the guilt when both sides Feel like they have a claim to Christmas Day I just want to find a way to make everyone feel included Without spending the whole festive season Feeling like the world's worst daughter I'd love to solve the issue and host them all together But we live in a tiny one bed flat and it's just not going to happen.
25:46Love you girls. Thanks for everything.
25:48Anna Williamson:This can be echoed by billions of people. I mean, firstly, it's not okay that you've been put in this guilt trip space, but equally, look, this is so, so common. Like, I know you possibly can't host them all together in your flat, but could you maybe, if you want to do it all together, could you go out to a pub? I know you've only got a couple of days now, so probably not opportunity to actually, to book somewhere. But I think you really, look, we've had this with my family too, you know, well, actually, my parents have been fine about it. Everybody has. but you just have to accept that things change and I think some people don't.
26:19Anna Williamson:They have a lot of emotions tied up in Christmas. Christmas I think is a bit like weddings as in bridezillas. Do you know what I mean? People can get a bit funny around Christmas and emotionally people can unravel a little bit. So when it's a tradition, people don't want to break it but I do wonder, can't your parents just go to his parents or can't his parents go to your parents? That could well be an opportunity. Like if that was mine, mine and Andrew's parents would just spend it together. Would yours not do that? Would yours do that with ours parents? Yeah, we would totally do that. we were totally our family are very well we get on with my in-laws yeah I guess not everybody does maybe they do but I think look it's difficult but I think you need to have a real conversation with your parents and just say look we appreciate you're disappointed but it is only fair that you do exactly we have to be fair let's look at what the options are is what I would do and say look maybe your mum and dad if it is just themselves maybe they could go out to a pub together on Christmas day or maybe they've got some friends that they could go and spend Christmas day with or do something different maybe you could agree to then do Boxing Day a lot of families do Christmas Day at one family Boxing Day, what we do and then you'll turn at that and actually when you really think about it, it's all the same it's only one day, isn't it?
27:24Anna Williamson:the Boxing Day celebrations we have are just like the Christmas Day ones, it's just the same but different day and I think it's just helping them adjust but I feel sorry for you that you're having to take on that guilt and all that emotion, I think you just have to do the right thing and I think if you come at that perspective the right thing is being fair your parents aren't being fair but I also get it they they love you and they're feeling their emotions I think just alternative you just can't ever please everyone and unfortunately your parents had you for a long time I think it's fair that you have to alternate yeah and especially if they have health issues too I think that's important right we've got a message from Kira she says who read the last do you want to read this I don't really mind oh hi Luana and I don't OG listener.
28:08Anna Williamson:Long time embarrassment. Full time liability reporting in. No need to keep me a non. Everyone knows I've ever met, knows this story and more. It was my work Christmas party probably six years ago now. I wasn't really feeling it. But the free bar and my team were brilliant. Free bar? So I popped my sparkly tights on my little kitten heels. Off I trotted. She's in. Clip, clip, clip. There we are. Now I went in with the best intentions as we always do. Just a couple, I said. Cut to an hour later. I'm double fisting porn star martinis. telling the finance director he had lovely dimples. At some point, someone thought it would be a great idea to bring out a mechanical bull.
28:44Anna Williamson:One of my favourite things at a party. This is my kind of party. You can see where this is going. Love this party. I want to be there. Obviously, the lads piled on first, lasting about four seconds each. My drunk brain then decided I needed to show them how it's done. I've ridden enough terrible cotton and enough feisty horses to stay on longer than those lads. So I hitched up my wee pencil skirt and climbed on. Brilliant. The ball started slow, then picked up speed. Then after a while, as a blind wave of drunken confidence washed over me, I got spun around and launched like a budget Cirque du Soleil act.
29:14I flew across the room, arms out like a drunk seagull.
29:20Anna Williamson:Landed awkwardly between the edge of the inflatable bucking bull ring and the bar. Arse in the air, skirting around my waist like a hula hoop at the feet of half of the C-suite. I looked up at them. In my drunken mind, I thought, nope, not dealing with this right now. No. So I pretended to faint or knock unconscious. So there I am on the floor doing my best impression of a whale out of water, very aware that my quite secret sparkly tights were not hiding much. My giant ass was shown to the big bosses and I listened as the chaos ensued. Is she okay? Cover her bum. Call an ambulance. I honestly didn't know what to do.
30:01Anna Williamson:My mum's an A &E doctor and she knew I was wasting emergency services on my shame. She'd disown me. But also I did not want to face the embarrassment. So on the floor I stayed whilst people fussing at me. This is the kind of shit I do, by the way. After a while, I was getting a bit uncomfortable and bored on the floor. And now someone had covered my modesty. It was slightly less embarrassing. So I decided I'd come round. I fluttered my eyes, opened slowly and faking some lovely moans. I was helped from the floor and escorted out of the building to an ambulance that had arrived outside. I wanted to die.
30:36Anna Williamson:I tried to get them to go away. I told them I was fine, but they insisted on checking me over. An hour or so later, they let me get in the cab home. Next morning, I woke to about 700 messages on my phone. There'd been an event photographer at the party who'd captured me not only mid-flight, but also on the floor, bottom aloft, and those photos were all over my team's chats. I called in sick that day. My boss wasn't happy, but I fear not surprised. The photos have followed me through my life and my friends love to bring them out every year as a festive treat. Anyway, I hope it gave you a giggle.
31:14Anna Williamson:Christmas cards. Oh, this pod is a lifesaver. Keep doing what you're doing forever. Love this. Brilliant story. Thank you. Remember, if you want to get in touch, you can email us, Luanna, at everythingnoana.com. You can also drop us a WhatsApp on 877-4526-947.
31:35Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice. I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyers rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com.
32:04Anna Williamson:Hey man, you hungry? Let's order delivery. Yeah, I was thinking... Italian. Burgers? Oh. Game night just got tense. Two bros on different sides of the fence. Burgers or pasta tonight. Why can't we have food without the fire? With Wonder, you can combine 20 restaurants in one delivery, so no one has to settle. Use code MEALTIME for 50 % off your first Wonder order. Terms apply. See wonder.com slash new customer. Now, IMO has put in capitals the unexpected, totally unasked for and completely not because there aren't enough Christmassy news stories. The return of IMO's isolation was five years ago.
32:47Game of the week. Crowd goes wild. Yay!
32:52Anna Williamson:This is more fun than news anyway. Everyone loves this. If you're new to Luana, Imo is famous for her quizzes and we haven't had one for ages. You can play along. You can play along. Right, I've got your paper. Not really. We're mid-record. You can wait. I can't. Take some paper. Here we go. Bex, pass them a book to lean on and a pen, please. We've got some games to play. Okay, games to play. Here we go. Now. Oh, no, you can't cheat, though. Gutted. In true... Well, if you were here with us for the COVID period, you would have been aware that I did an isolation game of the week, which was a sketchy at best game.
33:30Very popular. It was good.
33:31Anna Williamson:I won the whole thing. It was very popular. Only because she cheated and she admitted to that. We had various different things. And so we've got two rounds today for Christmas. Lovely. The first round is called Tradition or Tradition. which basically is a true or false yeah it's whether it's an actual Christmas tradition or whether I've made it love this are we all ready to play along? are we putting like true or false though? tick or cross yeah fact fiction tradition Bex you play here's a piece of paper there's another pen up there we love that right okay are we ready everybody? ready yep how many questions in each round?
34:16Anna Williamson:ten Okay In Finland families visit a sauna together on Christmas Eve Because it's believed friendly spirits appear in the steam Is it fact or fiction? Up to you Number two In Estonia families leave a full plate of food on the table overnight So midnight elves can help themselves Fact or fiction Number three In Japan families traditionally eat KFC on Christmas Day It's considered a festive meal Fact or fiction Number four, in Venezuela, it's common for people to roller skate to early morning Christmas mass Fact or fiction Number five, in Ukraine, Christmas trees are decorated with spiderwebs for luck Fact or fiction Number six, in Canada, every Christmas morning, families line up for a shot of warm maple syrup mixed with whiskey, known as a Santa Slam Fact or fiction Number seven, in Iceland, children put a potato in their shoes and leave it outside to summon the Christmas trolls Fact or fiction Number eight, in South Korea, people hang pickled radishes on their doors for good luck Fact or fiction Number nine, in Switzerland, it is common to have a village cheese-eating competition on Christmas Eve Fact or fiction And number ten, in Norway, people hide their brooms on Christmas Eve so witches can't steal them Fact or fiction Fiction.
35:44Do we do the answers now? We will. Yes. Okay. Are we ready? Yes. Number one, Finland having Christmas Eve saunas. Fact or fiction, everyone? Fact. It is fact. Correct. Yes. Number two, Estonia, the Midnight Elves full plate of food. Fact. Fiction. Facts gets a point. Number three, Japan.
36:06Anna Williamson:I know the answer to this one. Eating KFC. That's all right. It's true. No, it's fact. It is fact. Yeah. It's fact. Correct. Venezuela, people roller skating to mass. I'd like to think that's fact. It's fact. Yes. In the Ukraine, spider webs on the Christmas tree. Fiction. Fiction. Facts. Oh, weird. In Canada, the Santa Slam of warm maple syrup and whiskey. Fact. Fiction. Fiction. Number seven, Iceland, potatoes in the shoes. I'd like to think that's true. Fiction. Fiction. Fiction. Made that up. Number eight, South Korea, pickled radishes on the door. Fiction. Fiction. Number nine, Switzerland, cheese-eating comp on Christmas Eve.
36:52Fact. Oh, hold on. Number eight was fiction. I got it right. Number nine, yes, the cheese. Cheese, true.
37:01Anna Williamson:True. Fact. Fiction. Oh, that would be good if they did, wouldn't it? And number ten, in Norway, hiding your broom on Christmas Eve so the witches can't steal it. I put fact. It is fact. I only got three out of ten. Scores on the doors. Five. Five out of ten. I got three. Three for Luke. Four for Anna. Five for me. Udathunk. Right, here we go. What did you get, Lufanians? Hope you did well. Four for Bex. Lovely. The second ISO game of the week was a fan favourite of Craptics. Do you remember this? No. Go on. For example, I would say something like Redhead. Not cooked toast. Living place. Oh, God.
37:46Anna Williamson:Hang on. Redhead. Yeah. Ginger. Ginger. Not cooked toast. Bread. Living place. House. Gingerbread house. Gingerbread house. Oh. Remember these? Yes. Terribly wrong. Right. Just give us a bit of time then. So is there a theme? Christmas. Just Christmas. Christmas. Okay, go on then. I will apologise. I did come up with these yesterday and they are, some of them tenuous at best. Sketchy. Oh, great. Number one. Okay. Boiled veg and bones. Lots of royal men. Okay. Number two. Not young. Holy person. Steal things. Yeah, what? Not young. Holy person. Steal things. Okay. Yeah. I think I'm really good at this.
38:34Good. Number three. Scottish Isle. Obviously. x something z phonic n you're welcome what wait say that again scottish isle yeah obviously x something z phonic n i think i've got it number four eleven in cards cold indicator
39:09Anna Williamson:Hang on, 11 in cards? Yeah. Cold indicator. Right. Yeah. Cool. Number five. One plus two. Yeah. Question kids always ask. Sperm. Lovely. Number six. Eubank or hoy? Moose in Scottish accent. Piggy meat. Meese. Meese. Mm-hmm. number seven fa la la la la la la yeah blank not fictional brunette boy singer in steps okay number eight I just say Lufanians if you're like me like Homer Simpson's brain right now it's okay it's okay you're in good company yeah especially if you're driving this might be hard anyway eight this is probably the most tenuous of them all really Green light means oven. Oven? Yeah.
40:1525th of December. Golf term, short for street. I'll be very interested to see what comes back out of this.
40:25Anna Williamson:I mean, I'm going to put it out there, guys. I have got zero. Great. Number nine. This is actually really hard. Black and white mixed. Black and white mixed. Right. After you tie in a blank sound of a hi-hat. Yeah. And number 10, yellow on a beach. Thank you up north. Beginning of anatomical ball bag. Five of them on your foot. What was that? Say that one again. Yellow on a beach. Thank you, up north. Beginning of an anatomical ball bag, five of them on your foot. Well, I think we can all enjoy the answer round for this. Here we go. Number one, what did you get, Lou? Broth pervs. Right. Anna? Broth prints.
41:24Right. I haven't written anything. And what was this? It was stockings. And just remind everyone what the thing was. Boiled veg and bones. Broth. Lots of royal men. Kings. Oh, I put broth pervs. Broth pervs. Okay, next one. Lovely. Remind us what it is first and then we'll say. Okay, number two. Not young. Holy person. Steal things. Old vicar thief. Right. I've just put old. I lost the rest of it. Nice. Lovely. I begs for nothing. It was old Saint Nick.
42:02Anna Williamson:Oh. Oh. Oh, that's so obvious. Yes, I know. I mean, we're doing so well. Next one. Well done. Number three. Yep. Scottish Isle. Obviously. X something Zed. Phonic N. I got Shetland Dayan. And I got Sky Yes Why. Bex put nothing. It was Mole. Oh, yeah. Mole Duh. Wine. I got Duh. Yeah, I know. But you didn't get the whole thing. I didn't get the Duh bit. Okay, no, but well done. Number four, 11 in cards, cold indicator. Probably the easiest one, I think. Okay, ace, Ventura. Brilliant answer, but clearly wrong. I have put nothing. Nothing from Vex. 11 would be a jack, obviously. Frost. It's indicating it's fucking cold.
42:56Anna Williamson:I was thinking of a car and I was thinking of a left, right indicator. I'm not sure how I got ace, Ventura. I don't know how you got ace, Ventura. At least you had up our answer, to be fair, Lou. One plus two. Yeah. Question kids always ask. Sperm. Well, I think mine's a perfect answer for that description. Three babies come. And I put three wise men. I put three wise men. It was three wise men. Three wise men. Oh, Becca, you're in the game. I got clothes. Three wise men. Well, I got three wise men. Three wise men. Three wise men. Yeah, but that's not it. Three babies come. So wrong. Good Lord.
43:31Anna Williamson:Okay, right. I'm hopeful on this next one. I am too, actually. I'm quite hopeful on this one. I think I've got this. Number six. Yeah. Eubank or Hoy. Yeah. Moose in a Scottish accent. Yeah. Piggy meat. Okay, I got box in the sausage.
43:48Box in the sausage. So I got Christmas pork. Nearly. Nothing. Nothing from Ben. Christmas ham. Can I have that? I'll give it to you. I got boxing mouss I feel like Excellently Poi is a cyclist Oh I thought they were boxers No Eubank and They're both Chris's Chris's But I'm with you I'm with you I like that you all got the mouss though Yeah we got the mouss Mouss Mouss Number seven Fa la la la la la la la Not fictional Brunette Boy singer in steps La Truandi Love that I put La Tru Lee no uh it was actually love factual lee love actually love actually that was quite hard that was quite hard it's very clever for me actually yeah anyway um number eight uh green light means oven 25th of december gulf term short four street one loop uh go hot
44:56Anna Williamson:Christmas tea saint. We aren't bad, you know. I've put go hot day four street. Nothing for Bex. I'm so happy you joined in Bex. Green light means go. Go. Oven. Hot. Stove. Oh. 25th of December. Christmas. Go stove. Golf term. Pa. Pa. Short for street. S.T. Ghost of Christmas Past I mean bloody hell if anyone has got that one I told you it was tenuous if anyone gets that you are incredible and you get a free ticket to the big party right you don't you don't actually because they've sold out okay go on number nine Black and White Mixed comes after you Tyena something Sound of Hi-Hat Louisa Graeme Graemey Bullsack me comes after you and me.
45:56Me and you. At this point,
46:00Anna Williamson:my brain cell had started to... But me isn't a letter. It's a word. Yeah, I know. It said come after you. What comes after you? V. Anyway, moving on. Okay, well, I'd started to lose the will to live. So I just put grey vag willy bum. Becca? Nothing from Becca. It was grey. After you comes V. Grey V. tie in a bow sound of a high hat gravy boat very hard can we just take a look at your piece of paper back does it have nothing on it oh hang on she did get one right well I got one right and number 10 it's all to pay for Lou yellow on a beach thank you up north beginning of anatopical ball bag five on your foot Okay, sand spank saggy toes.
46:54Right.
46:56Anna Williamson:Like I say, I sort of tapped out this point, so I just put I am insane. You are, yes. Nothing. Nothing from Banks. It was sand. Yeah, I got that. Tick. Ta. Ta. Ta. Sand ta. Of course, ta. Beginning of an anatomical ball bag. An anatomical ball bag is a scrotum, so scrot. Five on your toe. Toe. Sand to scrotto. Will You Stop Being So Clever well I think we can all count that one up how many was that? I got one I got zero so that means that coming in last place was Louisa three points overall there then coming in second with five points is Bex and winning you've won! Emma's Christmas Isolation Game of the Week is Anna with six points Bravo my friend Oh, thank you, my baby.
47:51Emma, that was fun. That was too hard. It was too hard. It was quite tricky, I'm sorry.
47:55Anna Williamson:Why didn't you do an easier one? Yeah, do something that's more in keeping of mine and Lou's IQ. Love that, though. Thank you. That was Emma's isolation game of the week from five years ago, but because she couldn't think of a Christmas story, it's in. Hooray! Hooray!
48:13Anna Williamson:Right, let's move on now for some weirdo time. It's time for... It's the Weirdo of the Week. Right, first up we've got Anonymous. So Joseph, hey Luanamo, Merry Christmas to you and yours. I've got a weird other week for you. I never thought this was odd, but my housemates will tell me it is. When we were younger, my siblings and I would get up really early on Christmas and we were allowed to open our stocking presents as soon as we woke up, whether our parents were up or not. Yeah, we had that rule in our house as well. In our stockings, we were always given our favourite cereals. We then rushed to have these for breakfast.
48:44Anna Williamson:It was most definitely a way for our parents to not have to get us out of bed. This is brilliant. get us out of bed and make us brekkie and it was a cherished tradition in our family. Is it weird? It's genius. I'm going to put this in the kids' stockings. I said to the kids, what do you want for your Christmas day brekkie at my mum and dad's? Get those multi-coloured hoops or something. And he did say, he went, I don't really want breakfast because they just go diving into the selection box but then they went, maybe we should have some cereal. I might get a selection box. You could get funky ones for them.
49:12That is great. Right, we've got another one in from Manon, so you're Scrooge. Dear Luanimo, I have a particular Christmas dinner edition that I'm told is very odd. We have the standard turkey, pigs in blankets, potatoes, all the trimmings, the gravy, et cetera, et cetera. But me, I have mine smothered in barbecue sauce and mayo. It just makes it. None of the rest of my family do it, but it's not Christmas without a barbecue Christmas. Love you all and dare you to try it. You do, you, Babs. I mean, I love every condiment going. I will do horseradish, cranberry sauce, mint sauce. I'll do all of them on one plate.
49:46I'm not sure about Barbie. No, and I wouldn't do mayo either. Or ketchup. My brother has English mustard and barbecue sauce.
49:53Anna Williamson:Oh, he does have barbecue sauce. He has barbecue sauce and English mustard. I actually do really like barbecue sauce. Yummy, isn't it? I've just thought about it. I'm starving. I'm not ranting. I'm so hungry. We're going to end this pod now wishing you all the very merriest of Christmas. Just remember, whether you're with family or if you're alone, it's only one day of the year. And you've got us. You've got us always. And thank you for all being absolute legends and listening to us this year and just being part of our Luanna gang. We love you. That is it. We're going to be here on Monday because we keep going for you guys always.
50:27Anna Williamson:You don't have to wait until then. 365 days a year we're here working for you. Exactly. Some rain or shine, wherever we may be, we will be here. But we're going back on Thursday. So there you go. It's totally extra. We do need you, Lufanians. We know you have got, you're sitting on some decent guff now. Oh, yeah. You've got some guff to share with us. The shit gifts are going to be rolling in. All of them. Yeah, we need it. The awkward family thing. Yes. Finding out your uncle shagging your mum. You know what I'd quite like? If there's been any massive, big clangers dropped at Christmas. Do you know what I mean?
50:59Anna Williamson:We want to hear it all. And also celebrations. Perhaps you've been proposed to and you're celebrating. Something wonderful's happened. Also amazing news for your family has happened. We'd want to hear it. This is the place to share it. It's Luanna at everythingluanna.com. Our WhatsApp number to send a voice note or a message. Emma will be enjoying this, I know, over the festive period. 07745 266 947 is the number. Make sure that you're following us in the top right corner. Please tell someone about us, make them listen. Do not forget, you can watch us on YouTube. Just go and have a look at Everything Luanna on YouTube.
51:33Put us on the big screen and enjoy us with your whole family and spread the Luanna gospel. What a better way to spend Christmas Day than having our big fat mugs on those widescreen tellies. Beautiful. It's a beautiful thing. It's beautiful. Right. We will be back on the 25th of December with a special Quizmas episode. We will. So if you're listening, cooking the dinner, tune in to us on Christmas Day. You've got us in your luck holes. Bye for now.
52:01Anna Williamson:Bye, guys. Bye. Enjoy the last few days before the big day. Hey, man, you hungry? Let's order delivery. Yeah. I was thinking... Italian. Burgers? Oh. Game night just got tense. Two bros on different sides of the fence. Burgers or pasta tonight. Why can't we have food without the fire? With Wonder, you can combine 20 restaurants in one delivery, so no one has to settle. Use code MEALTIME for 50 % off your first Wonder order. Terms apply. See wonder.com slash new customer.
From the publisher
BE WARNED: It's LuAnna, and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. But you know you love it.
On this week’s LuAnna: The Podcast: Our Christmas plans, panto, Anna's nativity, a christmas trip to A&E, dealing with family politics in the festive period and when the work Xmas party goes wrong.
Plus, THE GRAND RETURN of Imo's (semi impossible) Xmas Isolation-was-5-years-ago game of the week and some christmassy weirdos just to add that star to the top of the tree.
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