'I think he's basically an entitled little f***er'

20:43Yes.

20:44Anna Williamson:That is probably larger than four adapters. What do you mean? But it's all in one place. But it is all in one place. Now I'm here for it because you could put in your hair dryer, your hair straighteners, your phone charger. And you just need one adapter, plug it in, and then you can plug all your stuff in. Your hair dryer, your laptop charger, your phone charger, your vibrator charger, all in one. Imo's like, now I'm in. You get the one with USBs as well. And then just one adapter, you've got a whole charging station. There you go. So that is actually a good... Look, it's better than being a fucking bincher and stuff.

21:17Okay? That's a good reco. No, no, no. I appreciate that one, actually.

21:22Anna Williamson:I don't think they're loving our recos this week. Go on, Imo. What's yours then? Mine... Smart ass. All right, fuck off. I think that you probably use mine. Vibrator. I got these for Christmas. Oh. They're called super cubes. Oh, packing cubes. Spelled S-O-U-P-E-R. Yeah. Like soup. So basically, they're essentially fancy ice cube trays that you freeze food in. But they're sized, so they're like portions. So you can even buy like a one portion size or like a two people portion size. And you freeze it. Good for batch cooking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you can pop it out and then you pop your little cubes in just like a sandwich bag type situation.

22:07Anna Williamson:Bung that in the freezer. But they're really good. And then you can also get like, they also sell these little ceramic dishes. So what you could do is you freeze your one portion of whatever. And then you just take that little one portion, put it in the one portion thing, bung it in the oven, then you're done. And they're really good for pre-prepping things and stuff like that. I love a batch cook. to be fair I have recently got into it again they're real good the Thermomix is great great for it I do that it lasts me three days like probably one massive thing well there you go well done I think we've had a smorgasbord there of well mine of Reco's okay mine is a really good one Anna's was just shit I think anyone that likes bins will I can recommend being a bin fluencer right messages lose this right we've got a message from Manon so we've called her holly wood nice uh she starts it with my story i was with my now ex-partner for 12 years we had three children and a lifetime of shared history then in the space of 24 hours my entire world flipped when i discovered he was in mexico with a woman old enough to be his mother he was 26 and she was 45 our relationship had always been one-sided he never supported me having a career and pressured me to drop out of university after I fell pregnant unexpectedly at 17.

23:30He didn't believe in it. We went on to have three children. The youngest was just 11 months old. At the time, everything came apart. In the final 18 months before I caught him, he would only come home once a week, claiming he was staying at his business partner's house. He said the baby being up at night meant he needed his sleep for early starts and that he was working for our future. But I always had a gut feeling that something wasn't right. One evening while he slept on the sofa, I went through his phone. There was nothing obvious except one WhatsApp contact saved as a business. What caught my eye was the profile photo, a woman.

24:04The messages were disappearing after 24 hours, but one remained. Okay, baby, call me anytime you need. I confronted him immediately, throwing the phone at his face to wake him. He denied everything, claiming he was keeping her sweet for discounts because she was a manager as a supplier. I confronted her too, but she backed him up, insisting it was strictly business. With no solid proof, I let it go, though I wasn't convinced. Over the next few months, his phone was always on do not disturb and left in the car when he came home. He disappeared at Christmas, missing the children opening their presents and all the magical moments.

24:40I found blonde hairs on his clothes, little blue pills, and even parking tickets in my car from locations he'd never mentioned, including one outside a hotel. in February he called to say his best friend's cousin was dying and he'd been offered a free trip to the Bahamas to take his place we were meant to be moving and I said the timing felt wrong as always he made me feel guilty like he deserved a break because he worked and I only looked after three children he left two days later the day before he flew you'd think he would want to spend time with his kids instead he was unreachable all day popping home briefly only to grab his passport before disappearing for 10 days.

25:21That day I had my girlfriends over and honestly, it was the best decision I made. I created a fake Instagram account and looked up the woman I suspected, certain she blocked me. What I found shattered me. The 45 year old manager from the building suppliers on the same beach in the Bahamas, posting memes about how excited she was for their holiday, clubbing, drinking, jet skiing, everything. I text him emergency in capitals. When he called, I said, FaceTime me now and show me who you're with. Silence. After a few minutes, he said he'd send me a photo and hung up. Fifteen minutes later, I received a picture of just his friend alone on a beach, not them together, because he couldn't.

26:02I sent him screenshots of her Instagram. He told me I was crazy, then accused me of ruining his holiday. I told him I was done and hung up. Minutes later, my fake account was blocked from her Instagram. Convenient. he didn't contact me once while he was away when he returned he told his family it was all a misunderstanding he continued to deny everything relentlessly trying to persuade me i was wrong then one day while visiting family i saw his vehicle approaching i recognized the number plate instantly and put my head down to avoid eye contact a family member said oh thank god i thought that was him i said it's him that's his registration she replied oh well there's a blonde woman driving.

26:42I waited at the end of the road to see who it was. It wasn't the 45 year old. It was another girl. He claimed she was a friend's sister. I knew he was lying. I felt sick. Then the truth came flooding out. Seven women out of the woodwork calling me. Telling me their sad heartbreaks. Seven double lives. Neglecting his own children. Planning to adopt children with one of them. Seven, double like the stress. Firstly, I moved on with my life. A year later, I received a call from an unknown number. It was the 45-year-old manager. She had caught him with another woman and she was heartbroken. As painful as it was, I felt compassion for her.

27:31She had cancer and he had taken full advantage paying for trips, buying him a£20 ,000 pickup and attending house viewing for her to buy a house and more. He would never miss her chemo appointments, but never once attended a single midwife appointment for any of our three children. The day before he left for the Bahamas, when I thought he'd want to be with his kids, he was with yet another woman having lunch in town. Not the manager, not the one driving his truck, someone else entirely. The moral of this story is simple. No matter how deeply you fall, how much someone controls, manipulates or breaks you down, life gets better.

28:10time heals and you can start again I'm grateful now I've moved on I've returned to university and I'm living my best life with my children and my new love and as for him nowhere to be seen oh and the ironic thing he tells people I was the cheater what a story

28:26Anna Williamson:that is literally like a whole episode of The Affair my podcast over there that is nuts seven double lives it beggars belief it really does he's obviously got something wrong with him Well, I think anyone, well, it's exactly that. You can't be of sound mind, I think, and operate like that. That's crazy. Surely you'd be in constant anxiety that someone would find out something or bump into someone. But I think if you are with that headspace, you can completely detach emotionally. He doesn't care. He literally doesn't care. You know, psychopathic almost, you know. Well, listen, on the plus side, that was a whole and complete story.

29:10And you're now out the other side with a new love and living your best life.

29:13Anna Williamson:And that's actually a nice reminder for the lady last week that messaged in and was worried about, you know, if it feels wrong, it is wrong. Honestly, always trust your gut, ladies and gents. If something feels off, honestly, trust your gut. There's a reason we say trust your gut. It's because it has the most neurons. It is the one that does tell us the truth. 100%. Anyway, right, message from Anonymous. So I've a big one. There it is. Lucky you. Hi, Luana. I really need your help. Okay, right, here we go. I'm a gay man in my late 40s, and I've been with my boyfriend for two years. After years of unhealthy and painful relationships, I truly believe I have found my soulmate.

29:54Anna Williamson:He's the best thing that's ever happened to me. We're making plans for a future together, and until recently, I felt genuinely happy and secure. A difficulty is that he has a very large close-knit group of friends who have been part of each other's lives for around 20 years. There's so much shared history between them that I'll never fully be part of. I often find myself feeling like an outsider, trying too hard to fit in or belong. A few weeks ago, we were all together celebrating one of his friends. There was a lot of drinking and because I'd already felt quite separate from the group, I drank more than I should have.

30:25Anna Williamson:Later that night, my partner went to bed and I stayed up chatting with his friends. As the night went on, I relaxed more and eventually it was just me and one of his friends talking. Next thing I remember, a week, we were getting off with each other. It felt seedy, deeply wrong and completely against who I am. I snapped back to reality and stopped it, but the damage was already done. I still can't understand how it happened. I'm not attracted to him. I didn't want it and it was never something I imagined or would ever choose. He's one of my partner's oldest and most trusted friends and I never believed he would cross that line either.

30:56Anna Williamson:Oh, darling. I'm not saying it's an excusable but sometimes when you're battered I don't know what confuses me more even more is that when I'm out in gay bars my guard is always up no matter how much I drink nothing like this would ever happen but when I'm around friends and family I feel safe and my defence has come down well this is this is that your inhibitions had gone so you didn't have to have your guard up I truly didn't see this coming I'm overwhelmed with guilt and anger at myself for not stopping it immediately the memory feels blurred and I can't stop replaying it I love my boyfriend with my whole heart but I feel like this one moment may have destroyed everything we've built.

31:28Anna Williamson:His friend said he also felt guilty the next morning, but it's hard not to think that this had crossed his mind before. He's in an open relationship, and whilst this is the first serious relationship my boyfriend and I have had in years, he knows how deeply in love we are, which only leaves me asking, why did this happen at all? I feel completely torn about whether I should tell my boyfriend. I know it would devastate him, not just because of me, but because it involved a friend he loves and trusts. I'm terrified of losing him, or of him never being able to look at me the same way again. I'm deeply committed to monogamy and this goes against everything I believe in I don't know what to do I hate myself for potentially destroying the best thing that's ever happened to me please help oh this is so hard don't tell your boyfriend because I always feel like nothing good will come of it it was a kiss it's not going to happen again you feel terrible and often people tell because they just want to unload the guilt and like you'll destroy your partner you'll destroy your relationship and you're going to destroy their 20-year friendship.

32:25And I think you do just have to put it down as a really bad drunken mistake and bury it and never talk about it again. That is my advice.

32:34Anna Williamson:I mean, I would love it to be that, yeah, for sure. Because I think on the flip side of that, I'm just playing devil's advocate. There's no good that's going to come out. It's not going to come out because the other guy's not going to say anything. Do you think there should be, I mean, I think this is, yeah, to your point, if you kind of role play it like in fantasy at the moment like if you were to say to your partner your boyfriend look this is a situation i was really pissed we we had it we snogged and i'm a god i'm absolutely devastated by it but i just wanted to be transparent from you what is the likely reaction to be if the likely reaction is because you know your boyfriend better than most people if he's bound to go fuck you we're done like then i think lou yeah it's possibly like that's not going to be a great option or is it something that is he quite reasonable you know Can he kind of, you know, can he possibly come back?

33:26I don't think there's anything good that's going to come out of saying it. Exactly. I think you need to work easy with it.

33:30Anna Williamson:I wonder if, do you think, girls, if there's any benefit in having a chat with the friend and saying, look, this is really eating me up. I really, really want us to forget that ever happened. It meant nothing to me. Almost to lay your stool out a little bit on that and go, it meant nothing to me. I cannot believe that happened. I was really pissed. I'm never telling him because I never want to wreck her. Almost to tell him where he is in his head because I wonder what the friend's also thinking do I say anything or not he probably doesn't want anyone to know because it's a 20 year friendship well this is it so I'm wondering if it's worth just when it's appropriate don't text it or anything like that no face to face if you see him and there's a moment where you find yourself at a bar together or outside do you know what I mean go look just to let you know this has been really bugging me I never want so and so to find out because I love him it was a mistake I was pissed I'm sorry I regret it I just want to say we're never discussing it again you know and I think maybe that's the route here um what do you think him it's tricky though it's really hard it's really hard because i know that i'm someone who feels guilt like so viscerally so i get that guilt and we promote transparency in relationships yeah absolutely you know but also i do get lou's point in that you are by telling someone you're only gonna hurt them hurt you hurt another person the whole blow up of a situation that you don't want it it will never come out if you never say anything and the friend never says anything and you've just got to trust and I think as well in these situations and I have come across this a lot I suppose in my work I think honestly if there was nothing in it if it really was one of those moments of a fuck what a dick yeah why have I done that like what yeah I think then that is kind of the you know that's the reason for that then I think if there's any little moment of oh it could do you know what I mean yeah or if like he did it and was like oh I want more then that's different but he feels like shit.

35:21Anna Williamson:We all make mistakes right I don't think anybody else needs to be made to feel like shit over this like you feel like shit and it's your thing and you're suffering because of what you've done but I don't think you should now make your partner suffer because of what you've done like you've fucked up you know that actually if anything it's made you realise that you want to be with him more so just stay on that trajectory It might be worth the clarification though with the friend to be like Like, please, let's keep this between us. You don't want it to get back to him and ruin his life. I don't want it to get back to him.

35:53Anna Williamson:Let's park it. Let's bury it. Yeah, but I wouldn't make a thing of it. I'd be like, make it, yeah, done, dusted move. Yeah. Good luck. Yeah, I feel for you. Right, we've got a message from a non. So Panty Smella. Hi, girls, please keep me a non as this story is way too embarrassing for my name to be attached to it. Before I get into it, I just want to say thank you so much for the pod. A year ago, my dad passed away suddenly and during some really difficult moments with panic attacks and anxiety you genuinely helped me to get through listening to you felt like being with friends so thank you for being funny comforting and just yourselves thank you right story time i'm 31 now but this happened when i was about 15 i had a steady boyfriend his family took us to center parks we love a bit of center love a bit of cp for a weekend away we had to sleep in separate rooms which at that age felt like the end of the world.

36:41At the time, I had a strange teenage habit of being overly attached to my boyfriend's underpants when we were apart. I would sniff them and cuddle them in bed and, you know, other things. Other things? While we were probably wanked sniffing them. So while we were there, I took what I thought was a pair of his boxes from the washing basket to keep with me overnight. Everything was fine, snuggling away all night and smelling his sweaty bull smell. You love that. I love that. until I woke up to my boyfriend looking absolutely horrified and asking what I was doing. That's when he told me they weren't his.

37:14They were his dad's. I was instantly mortified and genuinely traumatised by the realisation I'd been cuddling and sniffing his dad's sweaty ballsack all night. Safe to say, that habit ended immediately and I learnt a very important life lesson that day. It will stay forever with me as the night I licked his dad's balls. Thanks for letting me share my shame. Call me Panty Smeller.

37:36Anna Williamson:Oh, rank. Remember, if you want to get in touch, just email us, Luana at everythingluana.com. Or you can drop us a WhatsApp on our new number, 07521564640.

37:52Anna Williamson:If you've been living under a rock, you won't know this, but everyone knows this. One of the biggest podcasts out there. Obviously, Luana. No, it's actually Diary of a CEO. Stephen Bartlett of course many of you will listen to it I do as well I dip in and out now we know they're not shy of a controversial guest but recently two episodes in particular have been brought under the spotlight on social media now often some of Stephen's guests in particular in recent year I think it's becoming more and more contentious really he's trying to grab the views and that's how it seems to be now full disclosure I sort of know that team quite well that work over there um me mate paul um comes under comes under flight um broly under his broly but yeah but particularly um the episodes have been centring around women's choices to have kids uh or not and declining birth rates yeah um now the first episode uh actually came out in the summer um last year but it keeps doing the rounds um we've noticed on socials featuring dr alok uh canogia canogia aka dr k um who's a world-leading addiction expert um harvard trained psychiatrist and founder of healthy gamers a platform that helps young adults break free from porn addiction dopamine burnout and emotional dumbness now he argues numbness sorry did i say dumbness yeah oh sorry i think that's what the d so dr k argues so that there is a growing um existential crisis amongst men which he says often manifests as anger entitlement and online subcultures such as incel.

39:28Anna Williamson:We've talked a lot about incel with old Tate. What was it called? Andrew Tate. He lives in Dubai I think you know. Does he? Or is he in jail? No. I know he's in Dubai at the moment. I'm pretty sure he's in Dubai at the moment. My brain. What's the adolescence thing. Just one golden globe didn't it. As incel and alpha beta movements. So Dr. K also goes on to say he links this to declining birth rates in countries such as South Korea, suggesting that some men feel that they are being left behind in modern dating and family information. Now, one of the most controversial claims is that women now have greater reproductive autonomy than men, arguing that women can have children without male partners.

40:07Anna Williamson:That is true. So sperm banks or donors, stuff like that. Whilst men cannot reproduce without a woman's consent, creating what he calls, this is Dr. K, a fundamental power imbalance. Interesting. Well, women still need a man to have a baby because they still need sperm. Need sperm, yeah, need a man in some form. A man still has to give to a sperm bank. But I guess what he is saying is that we have the ways of getting sperm. A man needs to actually have a woman to carry that child. Yeah, but there are still ways of getting women. Surrogacy, I guess. Through surrogacy and stuff. So he goes on to say, he frames this as a form of natural selection or mass extinction event, claiming that a cohort of men may never have children and will therefore die out genetically.

40:50Anna Williamson:So the parts that social media has been picking up on, which is causing this controversy, and it's been touching into people thinking there's a lot of misogyny around this, is when Stephen has said, you just said that a huge amount of men between the ages of 15 and 50 will not pass on their genes. They will effectively die out of the mating gene pool. So people will hear that and many people will go, well, that's evolution. Yeah, and I want to understand if there's a counterpoint to that. Should society intervene? What, that handmaid's bloody tale? That's the point that has rallied. Should society intend to do what?

41:22Anna Williamson:Force women to marry these men? Well, this is it. That's what's right. Imo is giving the biggest eye roll there. What the fuck? And that's exactly how it's been interpreted. So he's then saying that because of this, we're going to have a lot of men that are disillusioned, that become incels, find themselves in pockets of the internet and are resentful towards women. So effectively, kind of blaming the women almost for the men becoming like this. Right, exactly. It being the woman's problem again. So you can imagine this is rage baited a lot of people. I'm sure not intentionally. One influencer discussing this though, rebutted, by even asking whether we should intervene to ensure that men who can't find sexual romantic partners, often due to their own misogynistic release of behaviour.

42:02Anna Williamson:Yeah, because they're dicks. No one wants to procreate with them. To your point there, Lou, it sounds very hands-made tale from what's being sort of cited. Are provided with partners, you are effectively asking, should men's desire to reproduce be prioritised over women's consent? And that is a deeply dangerous and disturbing question. Well, it is Handmaid's Tale, basically. Well, to say does society need to intervene, I think that's a... Do we have clarification on what he meant when he said that? No. It's just how we've interpreted that. Yeah, I think this person, a better question that he could have asked would have been, should we intervene to help men become better partners and people so women actually want to be with them?

42:38or should we put systems in place to educate men about incel and far-right propaganda that fuels resentment, entitlement and hatred towards women? Should we help men understand how the patriarchy has harmed them too, convincing them that being vulnerable is weak and how that affects their views on relationships or, to be honest, any question that holds men accountable for their behaviours rather than a question implying women should be responsible for men's behaviour? Do you know what? I feel a bit for Stephen Bartlett here because often I've said one thing and it's been taken out of context and then people run with it and it becomes something that actually you didn't mean it to be.

43:15And, you know, he might have just said that and not properly clarified it.

43:19Anna Williamson:Well, to be fair to Stephen, he creates debate. That is what he does. It's why he's such a successful podcaster. And I do see Stephen actually as a bit of an ally. You know, he just got engaged himself. And as you say, I think what's interesting is why it has got picked up on because it is quite divisive, a lot of the content that they do talk about. But I would say, yes, those would be better questions to ask. But equally, what I would say is Stephen is a podcaster. He is not a dating and relationships expert or anyone particularly in that field. And maybe a poor choice of words has been jumped on.

43:56Well, I would like to think, actually, the innocent side of me, would like to think that he's said that and that his intention was more along those questions that that influencer has said. Because when you say one thing and then suddenly people are up in arms about it and you're like, no, I actually, what I meant was this and it just came out like that. That happens to me quite a lot. So I can sort of, I feel a bit bad for him in that way. But if he genuinely does think that, then that is a bit fucked up. I like to think he does. He's an intelligent guy. Very, very smart. He probably just means how do we intervene to help the declining birth rate?

44:39Like what as a society can we do to not have this issue? And how as a society do we tackle that? Which I think we spoke about before declining birth rates and how like Parliament have addressed it. And it is like, well, what can we do? The problem is just don't raise dickheads. quite frankly there's so few decent men around anymore

45:03Anna Williamson:I don't understand why a huge part of this is about how I believe working in the dating and relationship space and alongside Paul who is very close to Stephen as well it is about and they're all allies, they really are and I think it is about role models, really raising and highlighting and good role models in men to teach our boys as they're growing up you know what it means to be a good role model I mean like I joked last week about when Enzo the other week said mommy's a bitch you know to me and I was really pleased he didn't know what it meant he'd heard it from some boy on the street he didn't know what it meant but what I actually was really pleased about is that Alex absolutely you know went for him in a good parenting way but in a no uncertain term you and educated him in that moment you do and he stood up for me as a woman and as a mum he said you do not use that language and he explained to him what a bitch is and why it is you know why it's not an appropriate word so i think it is responsibility for men to take ownership of their behavior and i think a lot of the problem now is and you know i sound quite traditional saying this is that there's so many single mums and single families and like that people would argue well they don't have that man male role model but then do you need a male role model you only need one good parent according to research You don't need that.

46:25Anna Williamson:I think, to be honest, I think in life, let's even take gender out of the equation. I think this is my personal opinion. Just a good role model. You just need to have good role models around you, good people. You just have to be taught what's... But why are so many men dickheads? Yeah, you do hear it more. Well, and we know that violence against women is on the rise. I know. You know, we talked about last week, didn't we, about, you know, X and Grok and, you know, the millions of men in particular that sexualising women's photos. I mean, Ims, do you have anything to share with us that you think?

46:54Anna Williamson:I think I struggle with Stephen Butler and the podcast in general. I've never listened to it. I think it's become increasingly divisive and giving voices to people with questionable motives. Like he's putting up the Andrew Tates of the world. He's probably breeding this incel shit. Like he's had doctors and whatnot go on and peddle things. It is just like false. And I don't know. Has it been proven to be false? Yeah. And I just, I just think. That's really irresponsible. And I just think, yeah, it's fine to have someone on a podcast and debate stuff with them. as long as it's kind of you do challenge them on some things.

47:49Anna Williamson:Or possibly. As long as it's balanced and it's open to interpretation. Bex is nodding with Emma. What do you think? Go on, why? I think they know how much influence they have over people. And sometimes I think they do it for clicks instead of education. Because we're all talking about it. And all the people on social media are going to be going to watch that. I think sometimes it is a bit clickbaity. A bit rage baiting. Oh, well, it definitely is rage baiting. He knows what he's doing. Look, he's a very successful guy. And everything that they do in that podcast world drives views. So actually, all he's trying to do is drive views for his own gay monetary.

48:34Anna Williamson:Or is the podcast so big? Because it is. It's hundreds of millions. Or is it so big that all it takes is a very, as we know, All it takes is a small proportion to take umbrage with a certain, I'm not agreeing with this, but I'm just throwing out healthy debate. Or has it got to such a huge success that everyone then likes to pick holes in something that gets success and a minority start to kick back? I don't know. I'm not saying they are. I'm just, I'm curious about it. But I think it is interesting that more and more people... He had another guy on as well called Chris Williamson, the host of the Modern Wisdom podcast.

49:12and a leading voice on men's development, which he was saying about falling birth rates, saying that they're largely driven by increased choice and opportunity, particularly women, rather than a single cultural or moral cause. I agree with that. I think more women now have got more options in the workplace. They've got more opportunity and they've got more money. And they're starting to think, well, actually, I want to live my life.

49:34Anna Williamson:Exactly. You know, and so he's saying that reliable contraception, women's participation in higher education and the workforce, you know things that are all delaying marriage and parenthood and it's just modern day modern day life and he says people are dancing to different tunes rather than following a shared timeline of having kids yeah yeah and he um he references viral social media influencer um with the list and hundreds of reasons not to have children which is described as contributing to what the speaker calls as anti-family oh yeah that was the one about chris williams wasn't he and he was suggesting that yeah was it females women are particularly anti-family basically he referenced there's a there's a tiktoker who basically has like she started i think it was just like a one-off tiktok saying like this is a list of reasons that i'm choosing not to have kids and then people started adding things in the comments so she it became like a big series and it's like reason 134 because of this and it can be like as little as i can't go out with my friends and as big as i've got one for them one and four women yeah one and four black women who have really bad like yeah medical issues and it can be anything but um he's saying basically that it adds to this anti-family kind of rhetoric um really do we think there's an anti-family rhetoric what i think is that there is a bit i i really i don't i don't think there's an anti-family rhetoric i just think that women now have more choice and are able to make a choice earn money can do what they want with that money and also because they have more choice women now don't want to put up with the same bullshit as our grandparents did if our grandparents lived in the day that we do now it would probably be we are we are one of the first generations in the history of mankind that is actually able to choose a partner for love yeah as opposed to procreation or societal gain or um you know not bringing shame or stigma on a family or anything like that so we are in an absolute uh time of change go on bex but i do think i think what made people angry about that conversation it was it was two men that don't have children got it talking about how women aren't having children got it um and they're two successful businessmen who don't have kids got it got it don't need to have kids right now they can have kids in 20 years time whereas i need to have kids in the next 10 years do you know what i mean yeah but in fairness i'm loving throwing out the fence today they did have a female doctor on who was also talking about it um on an episode that i'd listened to and she was very much uh it did feel a bit women bashing actually from her kind of around that similar sort of I don't blame women who don't want to have kids though no, it's fucking hard work but also you don't want to be happy, but also like we always say, who you have a child with is really, it's your whole life and their life and also you can't, it's not really their life though, it's not, you know no, the kids lives, no no, as in the kids lives who you choose, you've got men that are so absent, they just fucking spread the seed and fuck off and spread it with someone else and don't pay for their kids and as a woman you are left holding the baby however much you love that person right there in that moment to have that child whatever happens it will always come down to you it's very rare and I know there might be some single dads listening to this and I know of you know I have close friends actually as dads that the dads have actually been left holding the baby so the majority of women are left holding the baby they are having that lion's share financially emotionally mentally and physically to raise these kids on their own and women are starting to say do you know what I don't fucking want that for my life I don't want to struggle month to month with having to feed three little mouths that are dependent on me not only the feeding and the finances of that The mental load of these kids and what they put you through.

53:40You think it's hard when they're babies. Let me tell you, I've got a nearly 16-year-old. It gets fucking harder when you start to lose control and they start doing things that you don't want them to do. It's just an impossible mental load constantly as well. It's permanent.

53:55Anna Williamson:And women aren't prepared to do it. I don't blame them. You know how you... Exactly the same. And you know, Ims, you recommended that show which I've been nicking off your Now account, All Her Fault, that drama. And it really stuck with me. One of the women said there, when they were fighting, her and her husband were fighting about, you know, who's bringing up the kids and who's doing the career. And she was like, she was saying, she went, why is it that I am automatically, because I'm female, the default parent and you are the substitute parent? And I thought that is exactly it. As a female, you are the default.

54:26Anna Williamson:And the male, if you're in a heterosexual relationship, is the substitute. I mean, it's always a hotbed of a topic. I mean, on the flip side, I mean, as a female, as a woman with two children, it's been the best thing I've ever done in my whole life and I feel very privileged that I've raised my kids and I'm raising a family. But it is hard and it is hard to do it all. You can't do it all. And people can't be asked. This is it. People can't be bothered to do it. I'm raising my family and it's very difficult to do both. I met someone the other day and I'd been riding and she went, oh, so you've got like a husband, a job, three children and all these horses.

55:00And live in two countries. And she was like, wow, that's amazing. And I was like, yeah, it's a lot. You get used to it and you muddle through. But it's fucking exhausting. I'm tired all the time. But isn't that it?

55:11Anna Williamson:Because it's become expected. Yeah. And everyone just has to laugh and joke. That's why mum fluences are so popular. Because we all laugh and joke about how fucking hard it is. But actually, you're fucking tired. But it's hard. And sometimes you just want to switch everything off. And you can't. Anyway. Sorry. Sorry. Just to rewind a little bit. I guess that's why people are so like, it's kind of rich for two men, successful men, to be talking about how the decline in birth rates because women have options. Like, you don't know how that's going to affect their body, mental health, load, everything.

55:44Like, you don't know. But equally, they should be allowed to talk about it and have an opinion on it. But they don't fucking know.

55:53Anna Williamson:Right. As you say, try birthing a melon out of your penis and then come back to us. Also, by the way, man fans, because we know we've got a lot of you, we do love you very, very much. We just like to have healthy chats. Maybe there are some guys, some of our man fan-ians, that want to comment on this and give us an opinion. We would genuinely love to hear it. It's Luana at everythingluana.com. Let us know what you think about it. Guys, full disclosure, we recorded this week's episode of Luana literally hours before the hottest tea on the planet got served. So obviously we had to jump on and we had to just come on to talk about the Beckham situation.

56:35Anna Williamson:I mean, Christ on a bike, Lou. O-M-G. I mean, Brooklyn Beckham has dropped it like it's hard. And listen, the world, not just like the 90s and naughty Spice Girls fans and like the football fans of that era too. The world has been absolutely taken by this news. So Brooklyn Beckham has basically like there's been rumblings of a family rift for quite a while. We know there's been a falling out. He then released like this four page Insta story statement, which absolutely broke the Internet. seven babes wow so he listen we're not going to read the the full statement because obviously I mean if you don't know about this you've been living in a hole skip this whole section um but we just thought you guys would want our opinions on this so we have to jump back on and talk about this so spanner what is your what is your take on it because I know where I sit and I'm interested to know where you're where you're at and I know and I know exactly where you'll sit because again obviously we're on whatsapp chats and stuff so we've had like little chats but I'll be honest I think this whole Beckham situation's turned into it's like where were you when princess Diana died you know yeah where were you when the queen died where were you when Brooklyn Beckham basically dropped the biggest shit on his parents um it's crazy do you know what I I feel um I feel really sorry for Victoria Beckham is honestly what I feel.

58:13Anna Williamson:I'm not saying that Brooklyn, look, we don't know. And you know me, I'm a fence sitter by design, but only because I always know that there are always two sides to the story. I don't know Victoria Beckham or the Beckham family. I don't know Brooklyn Beckham or the Peltz family. But I think what we can see that played out here, I think for me, and you know me, Lou, my number one core value in life is fairness. And one thing I fucking hate more and more, and I'm seeing it happening more, even to close friends of mine, is people taking to social media to air their dirty laundry. And I think it is a really poor state of affairs.

58:51Anna Williamson:If you have got a gripe or a beef with somebody, talk to that person, be mature, sort it out and deal with it behind closed doors. Because let's say Brooklyn, I'm sure he does have some grounds to feel. because essentially look he feels as he feels and that's fair enough he clearly is really pissed off he's clearly upset and and and who are we to argue that he doesn't have whether we do or don't know I think he is coming across as very entitled but at the same time he clearly does have his opinions and his feelings towards his parents but I think to publicly humiliate your mother in particular in the way that he has done I think is unforgivable and so unkind because essentially he's called his mom out for being inappropriate we've all been you know fantasizing about what that whole inappropriate dance might mean and you know what I can't help it on him on him on him exactly and I just think that you know what you keep that shit to yourself you're clearly hurting but that is a matter to be dealt with in private and I think being a mom myself like that's devastating because they can never come back from this.

59:59Anna Williamson:What do you think? Well, I just, I mean, look, I'm going to be honest. I'm totally here for the family drama. We've all got dramas in our family. And this is quite a funny one. Let's be honest. I think he's basically an entitled little fucker, to be quite honest. He would be nowhere where he is without his parents. He would never have met her without his parents. Now, what I do feel like, and I do understand that he probably, now that he's older does feel like he has been used as a bit of a pawn in the brand Beckham family but he also has to remember that brand Beckham um which was his upbringing rightly or wrongly is what afforded him his lifestyle so it's a bit of uh because yeah because someone said this and it's true what I was thinking Victoria and David whether you like them or loathe them whether you feel that they've got this massive well we all know they've got this big brand and I don't doubt that they are quite controlling within the sense of controlling a brand but I think when you start throwing around that word controlling it's quite subjective do you know what I mean I'm probably very controlling in the sense that I am in control of a lot of my life and I think they obviously are as well and but they are two people that you know were pretty run-of-the-mill people weren't they when they grew up you know Victorian David they came from regular people had nice families you you know did okay for themselves i'd say yeah victoria's probably a bit more middle class but david quite working class and you can't deny that whether you love or love the beckhams they've worked really hard grassroots up to have amassed their fortune now the thing that brooklyn has is that brooklyn has no context of um of of that in for himself because he was he was he was birthed it's a very prince harry megan situation isn't this whole thing he was birthed into a wealthy family straight away so it was without any of his say he was born into it and I think why he comes across entitled is because he doesn't understand I think the context of the environment he's in and as you say Lou um yeah he's got I just noticed actually he's got he's got up a million followers in three days since this you know he's got up to 70 million followers I think my my my problem I have with this is um you're pissed off with your parents you don't want to speak to your parents anymore you say you want to step back and you want to live a life you know uh you know be at peace now with your wife and everything well then why put the biggest spotlight you would have ever put on yourself as a result of doing this statement why not just go away quietly listen they're fame hungry she is so fame hungry so he basically had like very do you know much about her what victoria or her no nicola pelts no nobody's ever heard of nicola pelts before brooklyn beckham like she's an absolute nobody and the thing is is that their lives are quite different from each other in quite a lot of ways because he his wealth and the beckham's wealth is so minor compared to the pelts's wealth i mean you're talking billionaire wealth here right the the beckhams pale into insignificance you know on a wealth scale right when you compare these two families and that's got to piss them off right exactly that would have put victoria snow's out of joint i imagine i don't know i don't care if people are wealthier than me you don't care if people wealthier than you but i think that they've always been able to control situations the beckhams because of their wealth and because of their fame.

1:03:32But what Brooklyn has to remember is they're only wealthy because they're famous. And the Peltz family are wealthy regardless of fame. I mean, her dad, I think, like, started Walmart. You know, he's like that big. I don't know if it was Walmart, but he's big in business. So his money is a proper dynasty.

1:03:56Anna Williamson:Yeah, it's like proper old money. yeah yeah and I think that his money in a sense of you know proper it's been not that the Beckhams haven't worked hard but it's been really earned you know he's fucking worked for it and they've built like a family so Nicola's family they're Jewish they're very close family you know I think that he's been sort of brought into this probably really lovely loving very tight-knit um Jewish family like welcomed with open arms and he's probably now experiencing this um everyone's family is different right like we all family differently and we all bring up bring kids up differently but I think that what he's experienced is probably like such a huge amount of love and of welcoming love and come and sit at our table and friday night dinners and because they have never had to pimp themselves out to earn their money so i think that it's quite a difference in that because he's now experiencing this like loving family whereas he feels like he's always been a pawn in the game of his family of their success i suppose so he's like almost resentful i don't think we've ever well you know the old adage don't you your your daughter's your daughter her all your life your son is your son until he finds a wife um and I think you know and and and and often you know we've seen this with Meghan and Harry you know we we have seen there is um you know and I think we got to be very careful like that we don't just keep automatically we start pitting women against women don't we in society we suddenly go you know it's it's kind of like handbags at dawn and and we don't really know it does sort of whiff a little bit you know Nicola Peltz doesn't seem to be getting a great ride when it comes to reputation.

1:05:43Anna Williamson:She went out with one of the Gigi Hadid's brother. Anwar. Apparently he, Anwar, that was it. And apparently he then became quite distant from his family. I don't know how much or not that's true or connected. I think but to your point I think there possibly always does come a sense of letting go you know cutting the coattails when when when your child does marry and moves into another family who knows if there was a bit of green eye monster jealousy a bit of a control clash whatever has happened Brooklyn has decided that he's not gonna stay quiet any longer and he's made a very public declaration that he's out but also DJ Fat Tony, Fat Tony was on this morning this week.

1:06:32Yes, what did he say?

1:06:34Anna Williamson:So I mean he's not going to be invited back is he? But this was scorching hot tea when he did this so he basically told everybody what he saw and actually I thought he did it in a really articulate way because he said look I'm not kind of you know Team Victoria, Team Brooklyn or anything he said that wouldn't be in my interest to say that but what I am going to do is just tell you what the situation was so he had said that essentially um Mark Antony who family friend salsa you know Latino um singer dancer DJ you know was doing a set um he made a comment saying let's get the most beautiful woman in the room up um and said Victoria right not Nicola um well That's unkind at someone's wedding.

1:07:24Anna Williamson:That's shady. Yeah, exactly. That's not nice. If that's your wedding, you want to be the most beautiful woman, whether you are or not, you want to feel like and be like. It's your day. It's your special day. Right, right. So now I think Mark Antony's now, now this is all alleged, but this is why Mark Antony's now been yanked and going, Mark Antony's the cause of all this bloody, you know, ruckus from what personal accounts are saying. So apparently Nicola then ran off crying because she was upset. But then what ended up happening on the dance floor, where this comment about this inappropriate dancing on me, which, as you say, was just a bonkers statement, was something to do with, I think, Mark Antony had said to Victoria, put your hands on Brooklyn's hips.

1:08:08Anna Williamson:And I think I get the impression it sounds like it was a kind of Latino type dance. and that's apparently what Brooklyn found very very you know embarrassing but then I think you know but then Lou but then let's be honest look we are two of the most embarrassing mums in the world I love embarrassing my children oh my god I would be doing this at Enzo's wedding I would literally be doing high kicks like dry humping around the dance floor like I know I would be doing that and if my son called me out on Instagram and said his mum was embarrassing and he wanted to disown me um a he'd probably be quite right but um but it would be devastating well i'm dying to know like if they've cut him off financially i do think the bit that i don't know the full story on it but i can i can appreciate if brooklyn took umbrage with this but so apparently it's he's he mentioned this in the statement as well around the trademark and owning um their names um so But apparently because Victoria Beckham owns the trademarks for the kids' names because she registered with the IPO in 2017, all of the four children's names, it means if they want to use their name for goods and services and brand work, they have to go through her first.

1:09:28Anna Williamson:I would honestly say, this is just my opinion, if that is true or whatever restrictions are around that, I can see where someone would think, hang on a minute, my name is my name. Like, is there anything more personal to one than your own name, regardless of your parents? I would say that if that is the case, surely at 18 or 21, you relinquish those rights and you pass them over to your child. You hand it over. That's what I think. But I don't know. 100%. Yeah, I would totally agree with that. She's obviously done that to protect the children. And now, yeah, 18, you can have your name back. Right.

1:10:01But the means that have come out of this, I mean, look, we've gone on about this for a long time. We're going to shut up now and jump back into the episode, guys. But the memes have been brilliant. Now, we were hot off the press and did one too. It's just she got to number one. I helped support that. It just brought back. So, do you know what?

1:10:21Anna Williamson:I am team Vicky B. Vicky B. I think, and do you know what? I'm delighted that she's got to number one. I think, look, at the end of the day, like you say, Lou, everybody has their say on this. Everybody is talking about it. At the end of the day, it's a mom and a son. It's a family that has just been ripped apart. And that is really sad. But what I do feel is awful is when you air your dirty laundry in public. And I do feel that whatever's gone on, that is not the right way to haul your mother over coals globally, especially when she obviously completely prides herself on her brand and her name.

1:10:59Anna Williamson:And she's worked really hard for that. So I have a great deal of empathy for how embarrassed she might be feeling right now. And I think that's probably why, particularly us Brits, we get behind it. We don't like to see somebody hung out like that and we get behind them. But look, at the end of the day, unfortunately, that relationship has now gone. And I can never see that they'll ever find a way back. And for that, I think that's really sad. Well, watch this space. Anyway, right, let's move on. It's time for... It's the Widow of the Week! Right, Stacey says, Hi, Luanna Moe. I am a crossover fan.

1:11:37Anna Williamson:Oh, from when Anna went on Staying Relevant. Oh, I did go on that day. Yeah, Lu went on that day. She's dead. Don't tell the boys... Oh, it's because Paul and I went in to look after the boys. And they need looking after. Don't tell the boys, but you girls have become my favourites. Thanks, babes. We will tell them. I go between new and old episodes on my dog walks and I look like a crazy woman coming to a halt and pissing myself with laughter or shock I really need to get overhead earphones so people know I'm listening to something I realised that when my kids were young once we got home for the day I'd get changed into my indoor clothes never to be seen outdoors and sit on my big curved sofa with the footstool oh I love this get cosy with a blanket now my kids are older and I'm in and out of the house like a fucking yo-yo being an unpaid taxi to my teenagers I can't get in my indoor clothes anymore and too late.

1:12:29Anna Williamson:My car once died in the McDonald's drive-thru once I was wearing my indoor clothes so that it won't be happening again. So now I sit on my smaller two-seater sofa in my outdoors clothes. No blanket or comfort. It's like a prison. It's like a sofa prison because I'm not wearing the correct clothes. I sit on each sofa depending on what clothes I'm wearing. This is the system. I wouldn't dare sit on a comfy curved sofa in my outdoor clothes and vice versa. Am I weird or is it normal? You girls are amazing. Lots of love from Stacey in the Isle of Man. Well, I love getting home and putting on my scruffs.

1:13:01Yeah, my scruffs. I do. It's like one of the best homes ever. Al and I take the mix.

1:13:05Anna Williamson:Dead Nana used to always say, I'm just going to pop into my slacks. So now we say, I'm just going to go and pop into my slacks. My slacks. That's the best feeling. Bit weird only sitting on certain sofas when you wear certain clothes, though, but each to their own. Right, Maria says, Hi, Luanamo. Love you and the pod and all that shit. I'm listening to an old episode and the weirder of the week is a girl who ties her hair up when she poos. I've got her back or arse on this one. I have bum length hair and if I sit on the toilet with it down, it'll be in the water. So if it's down, I pull it all around to the front, tuck it in my top.

1:13:41Do you know what? It gives me the ick. People, grown-ups, having hair this long. That's it. I just, I don't like it when people are proper adults. Like mega long hair. Mega long hair. It just gives me the ick. That's it. It was fucking childish. just chop it off and don't eat it. Like, you're stuffing it in your top when you do a shit. It's not right. It's not right. This is weird. I've not even finished it, and this is weird. It is weird having hair that long when you're a grown adult. Like, I'm sorry, when she sits on the toilet, it's in the water. That's how long her hair is. That's like you're 10 years old, and you, like, brush it 100 times like Rapunzel.

1:14:14I mean, we're going to keep giving it to you. Anyway, she says, I pull it around to the top, tuck it in my top, and sort of fold my top up to keep my hair out of the way. I do my business, wipe and then stand up, unravel the t-shirt and my clean hair. Is that weird? Maria from Reading. No need to be anonymous.

1:14:30Anna Williamson:I love that she's gone in strong with no anonymity. You've taken a pasting off Lou, who wants you to go and cut your hair and give it to little princesses, charity. Who's weirder? Stacey and Maria. I personally think the long hair, that's just given me the itch. Oh, no, for me, I'm all right with the putting it around, tucking it in. I'm going to go sofas. I'm just thinking that's a system and a half to have a different chair. Yeah, true. Depending on your clothes. Yeah, I think that's probably weirder. Yeah, a chair. Well, we've got another one here. We've got a little bonus one. Yeah, from Mandy Pinside.

1:15:03Mandy, Mandy. Why are you laughing? Mandy Pinside. Mandy Pinside.

1:15:07Anna Williamson:Oh, Mandy Pinside. Hi, Luanna. I love the pod and playing catch up. I'm currently in June 23. Enjoy. Enjoy the summer months. Me and Hubby have been listening in the car and he's had an idea for Word of the Week. at the end of the month, round up the winners and crown one weirdo of the month. And over Christmas period, you can crown weirdo of the year. Oh, that's a good idea. We'll do this. I'm pretty sure I mentioned this a few years ago, but we never did it. Viewers can vote on socials for their winner, maybe throw a vag candle in for the winner. And do you know what? I've got a spare vag candle kicking around my house, which I'm happy to donate.

1:15:42I've got a confession. Go on. I gave a couple of vag candles to Clemmie's teacher at Christmas because she's a massive Lufanian. Have you got any left? I gave her a mug. Do you know what they were? They weren't our ones that we sold until. They were the original ones that we made as samples. And I found them in a drawer and I thought, she'll like them. Well, tell you what I'm happy to do, girls. I've got one in my dresser.

1:16:03Anna Williamson:I'm happy to chuck that in as the winner for the end of 2026. Well, we're at the end of Jan, so I've got our Jan rundown. Oh, here we go then. To announce the weirdo of Jan. Okay, yeah. It was either Blondie Bush, who wondered what other people's belly buttons smelled like. Yeah. Christina, who Googled people's addresses at the pharmacy. That is weird. Dirty Diana, who pushed her period out in the bath, blood bath. Or Stacey with the indoor-outdoor clothes. I think it's the Googling the addresses at the pharmacy. I was about, I'm not just saying it, I was about. I think that is quite weird. It was Googling addresses and then, because she really went in deep, didn't she?

1:16:39She went deep, like she's on deep, love. She went in deep.

1:16:42Anna Williamson:Finding out how much they paid. Yeah. I think that is quite odd behaviour. Pharmacist stalker, we'd like to call her. So Christina is our widow of Jan. So Christina, congrats. You're the widow of the Mahams. Ha. The pharmacy stalker. Very good. Excellent. Right, Lou, we're bracing. Ranting? I have got a rant. Have you? Go on. I've noticed this in both countries that I now live in. What really fucks me off is, let's say you open a pack of ham, smoked salmon, a block of cheese, anything open food. Don't just put it back in the fridge. Put it in a sandwich bag. Oh, for sure. Does everyone do that here?

1:17:30Absolutely. Well, not in my family they don't. What? of vile, filthy fuckers in my family. I keep finding open smoked salmon, no sandwich bag, ham, no sandwich bag, cheese, even an open pack of dog food, no sandwich bag, all open, festering in my fucking fridge. I am a vegetarian as well. I don't want all this shit. It's disgusting. I don't think Al does that. They need to put it in sandwich bags. So this week, I'm digging out my filthy cesspit family members. And anyone else? Plus all the other fuckers that live with me. About 102 people currently living in all my houses. Yes. Dirty bastards.

1:18:15Put it in a sandwich bag. It's rank. And you know what? I thought it was just the people in Dubai living there. Andrew, Natalie, Nanny C, the kids. Apparently Indy did put the dog food in there without a sandwich bag. And then I came to England. And what have I got? Open smoked salmon in the fridge here. It's wank. It's disgusting. Put your food in a sandwich bag or a Tupperware. Or a Tupperware.

1:18:41Anna Williamson:Just something to keep the smell. Also, not just the smell. Also, it gets all bacteria and it goes all dry. Even like, do you keep bread in the fridge and stuff? No. No, I keep it outside. Well, I'm weird because I do. No, no, a lot of people do, to be fair. But like there was an open pack of bagels and they're all dry. and like rank and nuts off just because someone can't be arsed. It's fucking lazy. It's lazy and I don't want to be around these people let alone have them associated with me and my family. I'm divorcing my family. Because of a sandwich bag. Because of a sandwich bag. It's a strong end.

1:19:15Anna Williamson:I'm cleansing. Strong end to a strong rant. There it is. Sandwich bags. It's filthy. All I'd say is M.O. Bex, take no. It's makes me feel sick. At lunch. And I've either birthed these people or married these people or employed these people. Or been related to them. And they're like making me sick. Yeah. Not good. I'm done with people, actually. It's January and I'm fucking done with people. People are out. I don't want to see anyone else for the rest of the year. That's it. Apart from you guys. But we're going to be back on Monday, which is joyous news. Make sure you bring your sandwich bags. Don't wait till then, though.

1:19:44Anna Williamson:On Thursday, we'll be back with Luanna Totally Extra. We need you guys. We need you, Lufanians, all your guff. Imo is raring to take it all in at Luanna at everythingluanna.com. That's for your emails. Do go on to WhatsApp, please. send a voice note for us or a message whatever you like to our new number we've got a new number yeah it is 075 215 64640 that's way more catchy than the last number it's getting there please follow us top right hand corner tell someone about us make them listen give us a 5 star rating and a review and we'll see you on Thursday gangbang bye this has been a Global Player original production