'I think I have sepsis!'

22:09Oh my God. Can I just say then, an actual element, I've got to go back to the doctor on Friday to have another biopsy and ultrasound on my neck cancer, which has been monitored all year. Slightly trumps. My last monitoring in May, they said the chances had increased to 25%. Fuck, no, seriously. You need to get this operation done. Well, I don't think I do. I'm going to go for a second opinion. Ring 111. No, I'm not ringing. They're fucking useless. No, but jokes aside, are you okay? So I'm going back on Friday. Well, I don't know. I'll see, wait, no. And then I'm going on holiday, so I'll get the results after that.

22:47And then I'll go for a second opinion, then I'll make a decision. Okay. But the good thing is... I don't really want the op if I don't need it. That's the thing. Well, no, that's true. But it's good to get monitored for everything. You know, it's true. Do I actually have an ailment? Or does she? I just don't go on about it. Because if that's my destiny, that's my...

23:07Anna Williamson:destiny well the good news is we are all alive and well today and Imo you're back from America did you have a nice time? I had a lovely time in America America where did you go then? to Colorado? Colorado what was the fashion sense like? fine chic terrible look at the hoodie how shade I actually love that hoodie I like the hoodie great hoodie great jeans I'm just joking interesting colours well it's because it's the team colours Yeah, that's cool. That's very American. I would rather pink and purple. Yeah, I know, but I didn't pick 13. That's pretty nice. Was it good, though? What did you do? It was really good.

23:44I saw my friends who'd moved out there. Oh, that's nice. And their little bubba. That was really nice. Did it make you broody? A little bit. Because he's a really good baby. How old was he? Six months. That's a cute age. That's a cute age. Because you're out the newborn and then they're still not crawling. It's a lovely age. You've got like a two-month window of chubby cuddles and giggles. Yeah, it was really nice. Lots of just lunches out and stuff like that. Enjoying your best life.

24:12Anna Williamson:Walks and nice stuff. Good for you, babe. Went to the football, went to the ice hockey. All very American. American chants are hilarious. Go on, give us one. They're all just like, go team. Woo. They're all very positive. Whereas if you go to an English football club, it's like, you're a fucker chick. You're your shit. And you know you are your shit. Oh, it makes you proud to be a Brit, doesn't it? Yeah. You're a fucking ****. And it's like, that's your actual team. It's like, that's your actual team who you love, and that's the chant. Brilliant. Pretty much, yeah. So lovely. Are you jet lagged?

24:53No. What's the jet lag there? The seven hours. Oh, that's cool. Do you know what? I was in Dubai last week. and I feel like I'm jet lagged still. It's only three hours, yeah. I've been very tired. It's a lot. I'm going back next week as well, so I'm just going to stay on Dubai time. I keep waking up at like half four, five. That's kind of your optimum normally though, isn't it? I do like waking up at that time. I've been in the gym every day at six. The dark mornings at the moment are. Oh no, I can't do it. Don't even stop me.

25:24Anna Williamson:No, we're not doing that. We all need to get a lamp. I can't even talk about it. Yeah, it's bad. It's cold, it's dark, it's miserable. It's bad. And bring on... Sunshine. Yeah, next week, going to Dubai for two weeks. Then I'm off to the Maldives and then Dubai. And that is just joyful. Yeah. Endless sunshine then for me. To be fair, I can't argue with that. See you later, bitches. That's it. Enjoy the miserable sun, you c***s! I mean miserable sun. I was going to say, what are you talking about? I mean miserable winter. Well, I make up for it with the fires. I would like a little bit of sunshine.

26:00You haven't got a fire this year because you didn't sort your fucking finger out your ass and do that reno. Reno is going well, actually. I'm missing a big meeting today. I mean, you haven't even got stairs. I showed Andrew your post. And I was like, they're just so disorganised, babe. They're not disorganised. They haven't even organised stairs. How dare you? It's all on a plan. They haven't even organised a kitchen. It's all organised. It's all a map tell.

26:23Anna Williamson:Yeah, but it's so slow. It's a full house renovation. Renovation, extension, like nothing has been left untouched. I could do that in six months. Well, that's great. We're just going with the flow. It's so slow. There's a lot of people involved, a lot of agencies involved. Would you not map it? It is mapped. We've got all kinds of mapping. But why do you have the gaps for the stairs and then not have the stairs on order? They are on order. But they've got to do some soul plates and foundation work underneath. And Lou, it is very much in hand and a very much organised plan. Lou, you would do an extension in a week.

27:00Anna Williamson:We're in a very good timeline and it's going really well, actually. Really, it's a lot, but it is going really well. There's just not a lot to show with it, really, because we're still on kind of just figuring out the structural side of it. But it's going to be good. It's been months. Yeah, there's a lot to do. Do you keep extending the extension? No, but jokes aside, it's a 17th century property, and it's listed and it's conservation area. Lots of issues. But the more you unpack, which we knew, everything has to be done properly. So the minute we uncover one thing, we need to make sure we get the structural engineer back in.

27:31Anna Williamson:How's the budget looking? Oh, horrendous. But we need to make sure that everything has to be done properly. And then all it takes is for one of the engineers to be on holiday for a week. Do they make you do love and plaster? Yes. Do you know how long that takes to dry? Yes. That's why it's taken so fucking long. Oh, it takes ages. But we're doing it properly. We always said we would do it properly. So we're just going with the flow. We're quite happy to trot. Well, yeah, you're a trotter. We're quite happy to trot. Oh, I'm a galloper. You're a galloper. We're a trotter. Can we talk about our favourite show?

28:03Yes. Have you watched it? No, not yet. Celebrity Traitor. No, I haven't seen it.

28:07Anna Williamson:Is it any good? I saw it on Briefly last night. I have to say, I think I prefer it with normal people. Really? I do. Is that because, like, with celebs, obviously, like, we sort of know who they are as people? I knew who they were going to choose to be the traitors. because I knew, sorry if this is a spoiler alert, but you should have seen it. It's been on for like a week now. But they're basically, they've chosen Jonathan Ross, Alan Carr and a young... Kat Burns. Who I've never heard of. Have you heard of Kat Burns? She's a singer. Yeah. She's a singer. I'm just so out of touch with young people.

28:38So anyway, I think that was obvious choices for traitors, to be honest, because Alan Carr, fucking funny traitor, they would never have had Jonathan Ross and Stephen Fry. like one of them had to be a traitor it's like Stephen Fry had to be a traitor or a faithful and Jonathan Russ had to be a traitor or a faithful you couldn't have had both of them because they're such big characters and then the cat woman she ticks the young woman have you heard of her? why are you drinking like that? I don't know what songs does she sing? I don't think seriously she's drinking out of the side of her mouth I can't remember can you answer me this?

29:19that Nico guy I haven't heard of him but he ran for London Mayor I heard them say and what is he like they were talking about the content he creates but what is his sort of content I haven't looked it up because I couldn't be honest I don't really know but pranky stuff I think and he then ran for London Mayor quite like him anyway I think it's pure comedy gold is it Alan Carr as a traitor is absolutely TV goal. He's useless. He's useless as a traitor. I love him too, but he's just like... He's quite an awkward person anyway. And he has this sort of awkward habit of tilting his head and touching his neck when he's lying.

30:02And it's so obvious. And he's like... Like actual beads of sweat. I need to catch up on this. He killed off, sorry, spoiler alert, he killed off Paloma Faith. I love Paloma Faith! He's her friend! She's in real life. And then I watched the spin-off after show

30:22Anna Williamson:and she was actually pissed off. Well, it's very heated. On the flip side, you know they've got the traitor's real life experience. I've got some friends who went, husband and wife. Oh, should we do it? That's our Christmas thing. Oh, it could be my little last hurrah. Is it still on though? I don't know. Yeah, can you look it up? I'll Google it. Could we do that as our Loana Christmas and not get pissed so we don't get kicked out? We don't get thrown out. Because we tried to do the crystal maze last year and I was so excited and then we got too drunk. We did get thrown out. But friends of mine, husband and wife of 25 years, actually have fallen out.

30:55Anna Williamson:Stop. Haven't spoken to each other for a week. Because he got rid of her in the thing. And it's like, honestly, they took that shit home. Like, honestly, they got really proper aggy with each other. Booking until February. Oh, that was it. Can we do it then as our Luanna night out? Where is it? Pop and Garden. I mean the only tricky thing is Lou is that you have no dates in your diary I can go in November No you can't We were supposed to do something in November No it's just the dates they offered us in November for that thing I wasn't here for Well let's do diaries Can we do the end of November?

31:28Anna Williamson:If we can get it all in if it works We'll do diaries We'll do diaries Right anyway let's move on because we've been gas bagging for hours It's time for Did you know It's the element of the week I don't know where I was going Did you know With emo Did you know Where is it It's come from a person Whose name I did not send myself Brilliant, it's going well today I have a did you know with emo It's illegal to take sand Shells or pebbles off the beach In the UK Is it? Well, I don't know because I've not fact-checked it, but apparently. Yeah, but you can go fossil hunting. Yeah. But also, no one owns that.

32:19Anna Williamson:So why can't you do that? Who owns the beaches? Do you know what I mean? Why can't you take some sand off? Yeah, it is illegal to take sand from a beach in the UK under the Coast Protection Act. Well, I suppose. People nicking like big builders or something. Yeah, can you imagine if it was legal? They'd turn up with their JCP. It can result in fines of up to a thousand pounds. I mean, to be fair, if you've got a grand's worth of sand. That's what I'm just thinking, to be fair. Don't go out robbing sand. Take your JCB. That's it. I'll take the hit. All of that hard, what's it called? Hardcore. Hardcore, yeah.

32:53That's expensive, that show. Yeah, I know. Well, there you go. There you go. Good about shell, though. People go fossil hunting. There's like an Essex fossil hunting thing. I was going to take Indy. Maybe they find them and then put them back.

33:08Anna Williamson:No one does that. People say these things. No, they don't actually do it. They just say it just to not get in trouble. Oh, here we go. Oh, who's calling you? I don't know. Should I answer?

33:22Anna Williamson:Right, message from Laina. Here we go. Hi, girls. I discovered your podcast a couple of years ago, and I love it. Thank you, Bobe. You've got me through some pretty tough times, including the breakup of my marriage. Anyway, I digress. No need to keep me anonymous. My name is Laina, and I'm from Hamilton in Scotland. Now, I was really surprised when you started to talk about Huntington's disease in Monday's episode. I've lived with this. Oh, bless your heart. I've lived with this firsthand as my dad's family have been devastated with this horrible illness. My dad, gran, uncle, aunt and two of my cousins have all passed away from it.

33:55Anna Williamson:What, their family out? That's really awful. None of them reaching 50 years old. None of them reaching 50. That's terribly young. My dad started showing signs of the disease at 27, but wasn't tested until he was 35. Oh my God, that's so young. It is. I was in second year at high school when I found out about the disease properly, as my parents had to tell me that there was a 50-50 chance of me developing Huntington's. It made me think about certain life choices, mainly having kids. After I got married in 2013, I felt very guilty, as my now ex-husband had never seen anyone with the disease. Also, with my family's horrific bad luck, I thought it was my future too and now his.

34:33Anna Williamson:In 2014, I made the decision to get tested. My mum was sick with worry as, to be honest, we just thought it was going to put it in writing and make it official that I had it. I had to have counselling to make sure I didn't just decide yesterday to get tested. To be honest, I had been back and forth for years and years. I didn't know you could get tested. Yeah, I think I knew that. So it's like a genetic thing. Yeah, it must be, yeah. To be honest, I'd been back and forth for years and years about finding out. I got the blood test would you want to know? I think I'd want to know I'd want to know I think I'd just want to know yeah I got the blood test done and the day I got my results is a day that I will never forget my results are clear oh my gosh bless you and I got the amazing news that I wouldn't develop the horrific disease my mum says she never needs to win the lottery knowing I don't have Huntington's Huntington's I'm now 43 I'm single but I'm okay about this lol no kids also not sad about this either but have my own business and an amazing wee mini dutch and everybody needs a mini dutch who is my world i'm lucky but i know that others are not when it comes to huntingtons so listening today and hearing that they have slowed down the acceleration of the disease by 77 is just amazing it really is i had goosebumps thinking about how much this treatment could give families hope and more time with their loved ones i really hope that in time it won't have to won't have a price to pay and it will be provided to everyone that needs it really the reason for me messaging you all today is just to say thank you for discussing huntingtons and your amazing podcast keep up the good work lana thanks lana lana we're so happy that you don't have it and so sorry for like your family and it's so lovely that we do you know when we well done mo when mo you know we're putting stories that you know really do obviously you know touch people and i think we've all learned a lot about that actually so well done you i've learned i really do want a daxy.

36:23Anna Williamson:Is that what you've taken from all this? Yeah. Yeah. Right. Message from a non-so. Betty. Sweaty Betty. What's the crack, ladies? I'm in need of some advice and you're the perfect people to turn to. I'm happily married to my hunky ADHD husband, so life is never dull in our relationship. Love that. We've been together for 10 years now, but it wasn't always so good. We met in a whirlwind rom-com meet-cute style on holiday and found out we live near each other, literally a two minute drive away and have been together ever since. We were 19 and 21, loving all the things that young people do, going out, date nights, holidays.

37:03So when I found out I was pregnant, it definitely wasn't written in the cards for us. I chose determination because at the time my mental health was circling the drain and I knew that I wasn't mentally, financially or emotionally strong enough to bring a new life into the world. Can I just say that's very sensible, like to actually recognise at the time. Absolutely. It's such a personal decision. My partner supported me throughout and I have never, ever regretted the decision to this day. However, it left me with a lot of trauma around sex and intimacy. My other half respected this and we probably went for about five to six years, wow, without a sex life.

37:38I would put it off, complain of a headache, play my period just to avoid it. To no surprise, we had a fractious rollercoaster of a relationship for a long time, but still decided to move in together and we did get engaged in 2020. because despite everything, we still loved each other to the ends of the earth. I was, however, given an ultimatum to seek help, to seek the help I so desperately needed and had desperately avoided to this point. Otherwise, we wouldn't have a future. And whilst this sounds harsh, it did push me to go to therapy, both individually and as a couple, because I knew I couldn't lose the love of my life.

38:12We did a lot of work having difficult conversations and being vulnerable with each other and finally got married in 2022. and everything really has been on the up since. We have a flourishing sex life once again. We're welcoming a baby boy into our family soon. We are really truly properly in love once again, just like the stars of our relationship. That's wonderful. But here's my conundrum. I'm set to inherit a significant sum of money. My husband is aware that there is some money in my family as we've been gifted things to help with our house over the last few years, but there has never been a specific number mentioned.

38:46I know that it's in the hundreds of thousands, but I'm not sure that I want him to know just how much. My worry isn't around us divorcing, although there are statistics for a reason, but more around his financial irresponsibility. I am by nature a saver, a penny counter, a rainy day fund maker. He is more of the, if it's there, let's spend it type. That is a massive ADHD trait, by the way. Over the years, I think he has become subconsciously expectant that we will be okay in the future because I'm receiving some kind of an inheritance. he obviously pays his way in day-to-day life and the running of our home paying for date nights and treats but in relation to the ADHD you cannot future plan so therefore our joint savings are minimal which is a real concern to me I never rely on any money I may or may not get from my family so whilst I don't earn a lot I save whatever I can it's important to me to prove to myself that I can make my own way in life without a safety net so here are my questions how would you navigate this conversation is there even a conversation to be had i genuinely see us being together forever i know he would never weaponize this but can't be sure that he won't get trigger happy with the bank balance please help me girls it's on my mind it's on my mind a lot as i don't want to keep things from him but i want to protect our future in the best way i love you all betty so i think

40:04Anna Williamson:my first reaction is it's a very very common one finances are one of the main causes of relationship breakdown um yeah and uh this is not an uncommon uh predicament to be in save a spender everybody has a different sort of financial uh ways they cope with their finances um i think i think oh sorry i'm just thinking about because i've recently i've been to a couple of weddings recently and and funnily enough one of the weddings i went to they they had a prenup do you know what in our all of my girls have to sign a prenup yeah yeah so we've taken that away from them having to ask their partners interesting love so in if if they they will forfeit their right to inheritance if their partner does not sign a prenup right so that's what we've put in our will so that basically just protects if well like look at me and dixie's dad for instance i got married at 22 had Dixie at 23 ended up being divorced it did cost me people don't people thought that he had all the money I actually had the money and had to pay him off and had I have had even more money or like a you know money from my parents I would have lost that right and so we have just absolutely taken the decision away from our girls and if their partner doesn't want to sign a prenup or if they don't want to then that's fine but you forfeit your right to any inheritance right and You could just pretend that, that's what I'd say.

41:32Anna Williamson:Well, you could. I'd introduce it now. Or what I would say is only because they've been through so much therapy to get their relationship back on track, I would really avoid going down any untruths from now on. I think you've clearly worked just because the fact that they are now back on track, they will have gone through a lot of soul-searching, transparency, the importance of trust in their relationship. So I would really confront it as that. Come from your eye perspective, not projecting onto him going, you know you've you'll be crap with this just go look I am concerned it's a worry I have that I'm going to inherit and we're married and I'm you know I don't know what your thoughts are I'm happy to you know as a couple you know we share or whatever your thoughts are around that but equally to say I'm really concerned that you have uh your your attitude around money is a dangerous one it's not your attitudes around money don't align yeah and I think yeah I want but I'm coming from it from a position where I want to protect us as our family and as a couple not because I'm trying to be controlling saying it's mine, it's all mine you can't have any but I think come at it from that from the sensible pragmatic point of view ask his feelings and thoughts on that because he might go it's your money, your inheritance but he might say yeah I know that I'm not great with money so happy for you to take the control or to create I would say to you, have the conversation, say what your fears are and say, can we work on some form of plan or a compromise or a system?

43:02Anna Williamson:Because you've been through therapy. So that tells me that you will have these tools in your because you will have been taught these. And also they're good because they've had all these open, frank conversations. So this is another one to add, but come from the eye perspective, how you're feeling. I think as you said, you don't know what his answer is going to be. Money and relationships are so funny, isn't it? It's so personal. It's the leading cause of a relationship breakdown, not infidelity. When people like manage their money, I always find it really interesting, like in relationships, whether people get both their salaries and then go, right, here's like 10 grand a month, even if one person's put eight in and one person's put two and there's that.

43:38And then we go from here.

43:39Anna Williamson:And the problem with that as well is that there is no, there is no kind of blanket legality around it. It really is down to how the couple want to operate in a divorce. Typically, well, you'll know you've been through divorce. It typically starts at 50, 50, but then it gets obviously reviewed and whatever. I don't think that's the case anymore of divorce. Well, it starts at 50, but then it, then it, then it gets, everything gets looked at and looked into, of course. Um, but, uh, but yeah, relation, finances are very, very funny and it's very personal. a lot a general rule of thumb is you know individual money joint money but everyone works in a different way but really it's down to the open communication and I'd say with you I think it's very it's a very reasonable fear to have and I think you need to just confront it you could also just tell him that it's in trust and it's not managed by you that is the other thing you could just say oh yeah I'm set to inherit but it's in trust and it just gets drip fed that'll probably be an easy way out if you want an easy way out Don't let it ruin you.

44:36Anna Williamson:That's what I would say, though. Don't let this become a massive thing. Because it is just money and you can't take it to the grave. No, but it does rip families apart. So please don't undo any of the good work you've done. I think just say what your fear is. Good luck. Right, message from Lucy. Hi, Luanamo. Not sure if this will make the pod. Well, it has. But I just had to share this with you. It's equal parts emotional, awkward and downright disgusting. Classic Luana vibes, really. Excellent. So my 89-year-old nan sadly passed away at the start of September. RIP dead nan. Sorry for that. Horrendous for any family, but especially in a fractured one where my sister and I haven't spoken in years.

45:16Anna Williamson:Standard family drama, right? Standard. It happens. Now, my nan was a very private lady. She never spoke about death, her wishes or funeral plans. So we were fumbling around in the dark. One of us vaguely remembered her mentioning a local funeral director. So off we trot. Fast forward five days and we're sat in their office having this emotional meeting with a lovely, empathetic woman. She cried with us. We cried with her. It was all very touching. Oh, that's sweet. Afterwards, we went back to Nan's house to dig out her old address book so we could start calling her friends. Except. Oh, this is sad.

45:49Anna Williamson:Most of her friends were long gone. Oh, stop. Oh, stop. She was just alone and everyone was dead and now she's dead. So the pages were basically a graveyard of names with lines through them. Oh, she's crossed them out. That one's done. Oh, that makes me look sad. Another one bites the dust. Boom, boom, boom. Poor Nana. Sorry, it's not funny. We kept flicking until, bam, there it was. Nan's actual funeral directors of choice. Oh, dear. Cue the most awkward phone call of my life, cancelling a funeral. The poor woman on the other end sounded like this had literally never happened before. Oh. Well, I mean, it's all right.

46:29Anna Williamson:So she went to the wrong funeral director. Yeah, well, she didn't realise it and had one in mind. So, yeah. So one week later, deja vu, we're back in a different funeral home, having the same intense emotional meeting all over again. So there I am, trying to concentrate, sipping on a very well-made coffee. I feel something sharp on my lip. Oh, no. I look down, I tilt the mug and oh my god. Floating at the bottom is a nail clipping. A long one. Definitely from a lady's pinky. It's probably a dead person. Can I just say, guys, I'm right in the middle of watching Netflix's monster, the Ed Gaines story.

47:09Anna Williamson:And that's all I'm thinking of right now. If you're watching it, you know what I'm talking about. Like I'm haunted. I think this is what's created my sepsis fear today, actually. I froze. Was it? a dead person's nail. Yes it was, absolutely. My brain went into overdrive. I felt sick. I zoned out of the entire meeting just staring at this nail while my mum's whispering, are you okay? All I could say was I just don't know what to do with my face. By the end, when the funeral chap politely asked any questions, how I didn't blurt out, yes and why. I thought she blurted it. Why was there a dead person's nail in my coffee?

47:46Anna Williamson:I will never know. We've all been speculating and coming up with stories as to how it got there and whose it was, but I can confirm it was not the receptionist. She had gel nails. She had gels on. Everyone was in touch. She had gels. No need to keep me anonymous. I'm Lucy from Somerset. Thank you very much, ladies, for keeping it real and making me laugh en route to work. Lots of love. I mean, I think we're all thinking it. It's a dead person's nail. It's a dead person's nail. Imogen? How did I get that? That's right. It's a dead person's nail. Oh, thanks for that story. If you want to get in touch, you can email us, Luana.

48:19Everythingluana.com. Or you can also drop us a WhatsApp on 07745 266 947. I would quite like an Everything Luana email address. Why don't we have them?

48:30Anna Williamson:No, Lou. We've seen what happens when we go on Zoom meetings. We're not allowed anything official anymore. That's true. We don't do that. We have people that do that now. Well, I'd quite like Louisa at everythingluana.com. Well. Nah. No, you wouldn't. Don't email that email address, by the way, guys. It doesn't exist. Right. Only Man. Oh, newsy bits. Oh, no, I saw this in the news. Oh, I missed this, Anna. The only man to appeal... Oh, yes, this was in the news literally a couple of days ago. Only man to appeal Gisele Pelicott rape conviction handed a longer sentence. So he appealed it and got done for longer.

49:05Anna Williamson:Yes. Good. Arse white. F*** face. Brilliant. We all know about Gisele Pelicott, the French lady last year. Was it last year or even beginning this year? But it's been going on for a long time in France. So a court in southern France has increased the jail term of the only man who challenged his conviction for raping Giselle. If you don't remember, she was the grandmother and her husband was drugging her and inviting different men over to rape her, essentially, and abuse her for years. And it all came out. And she only realised, because bless her heart, she was getting gynecological issues. And then it all got found out.

49:46Anna Williamson:How did it come out? I can't remember. It was because he wasn't done for upskirting. He videoed it as well. He was done for upskirting or something came out. And he was videoing everything. It was the footage that got found. A chap called Mr. Dogan had argued that he was innocent. Despite graphic video footage shown in court of him penetrating. Oh, God, I can't. Emotionless Giselle Pelcott. Trigger warning on this, by the way, guys, I think. How can he say he's innocent? Because he was saying it was consensual. And she was part of a game or whatever, you know. But the Court of Appeal in Neame rejected his argument and extended his original nine-year jail term to 10 years.

50:21Anna Williamson:Good. Good. He was convicted of aggravated rape last December during a trial in which 50 other men were convicted. I just still can't get over that this happened to her. Awful. And that her own husband did that to her. Like, he did that to the mother of his children. But I also believe that... Didn't he do it to the daughter as well? Well, I believe the relationship between Giselle and her daughter has fallen apart, which is really sad. Well, it had at the time when we last spoke about it, hadn't it? Yeah, we'll see how we got it. So the public prosecutor had asked the court to impose a 12-year term on this guy, Dogen, who said he himself had been a victim and trapped by Dominique Perlicott.

50:59Anna Williamson:The prosecutor told the court that Dogen had been unwilling to take responsibility for a massive act of destruction of a woman that had denied her humanity. Now, although he was held in pretrial detention ahead of last year's trial, he has not spent any time in jail since. So of the 51 men handed jail terms, 17 initially lodged appeals only to withdraw them soon after. Well, I think, didn't we say... To lodge an appeal and then to just withdraw it. Yeah, I think it was because before they were all hanging on the fact that they were part of the hoodwinking. Do you know what I mean? They weren't...

51:31But then it was like, no, fucking take responsibility. For your actions. She's like laying there unconscious. How can you even get turned on? But it's just disgusting.

51:40Anna Williamson:But there are some sick, sick bastards. And this guy, he was a Turkish-born married father. He's the only one who actually kept the appeal. Yeah, so basically, yeah, he said that he was hoodwinked into it, effectively. But they went, basically, fuck that, you're getting another year. And it said, oh, God. So the evidence all had to be shown again, including the videos. This says in which an unconscious Giselle could be heard snoring and having no reaction despite the abuse she was subjected to. Makes me feel sick. And he denied raping her. He said. Even though he acknowledged she was clearly a victim of her husband.

52:15Anna Williamson:Oh, what a dick. He says, I performed a sexual act. I never raped anyone, he said. For me, rape means forcing someone, tying them up. I don't know. I'm a victim. I mean, mate, that is not what rape is. Well, because he's saying, oh, to rape, you've got to basically kidnap someone, wrap them up and force them, whereas she was. Rape is not saying yes. Yeah. Basically. Yeah. If someone doesn't acknowledge, if someone doesn't fucking look you in the eyes, and consent. That's right. And it's like people with alcohol addiction, for example, they go, oh, I'm not an alcoholic because I don't have a vodka when I first wake up in the morning.

52:48Anna Williamson:It's like, it's denial and it's trying to find a defense that doesn't stand up. Giselle, again, so she had to go, this is the worst thing about this, is that she had to go back to court again to reaffirm and she said, I am the only victim. She said she'd never given her consent. It's just like, horrific. But also for her, like, imagine being her, you just think how dare you, like I've gone through all this and even now you're still taking that away from me to say that oh me too, no you're not do you know what I mean, I think it's like a double it's a double wallop for her and also who was in the court was Dominique Pellicott the husband and Pellicott who was present in the court as a witness, I wonder if he had to then, they've brought him out of jail obviously to go to court to be a witness He said he denied he had ever pretended his wife would be anything but unconscious.

53:42He said all the men he recruited on chat rooms were told she would be drugged, adding that he explicitly told Dogen he was looking for someone to abuse my sleeping wife without her knowledge.

53:56Anna Williamson:It makes me feel horrific. I can only imagine what that poor woman is feeling. So this week was the first time she'd been seen in public since the last trial. She turned into Dogen. She actually looked him in the eyes and said, you don't understand that this was rape. When will you admit that this is a crime? I'm ashamed for you. She also asked to stop being referred to as an icon. I'm an ordinary woman who dared to open up her trial. I've become an icon against my will. Bless you, babe. As in the original trial, she ended her statement with a thought for the other victims of rape, the majority of whom did not have the wealth of evidence that she had to bring her abusers to court.

54:33Anna Williamson:She says, I want to say to them, and this is to anyone listening now as well, I want to say to them to never be ashamed of what was inflicted upon us because it is not their fault. Hear, hear. I mean, if you were that guy, you'd just fucking take it on the chin and do the sentence. Like the others clearly thought, oh, we'll appeal it and then thought, no, we have fucking fucked up. I just hope that poor woman is able to find some peace for the rest of her life. I really do. She's so sad. She's like older. And you know, like when you get older, you do like you're in your own. Well, at the same age as my mum.

55:03Anna Williamson:But it's just an awful thing to go through. It's horrendous. It's so awful. And that's why people have called her an icon, because it's nothing but absolute sheer empathy and love for that woman. Well, and admiration. Exactly. It is admiration for her that she was brave enough. Brave enough, yeah. Because, you know, to put a face to what had happened. But it shows how self-deprecating she is. She doesn't want any glory for it. You know, she's, yeah. Awful. She just wants justice. Yeah. This is a great story, Anna. Go on. This lady, she charges her husband$600 a month if he doesn't do his chores.

55:38She invoices her own husband. This is what we're talking about. And claims it keeps the peace. This is great. She's 32. She's called Jess Wright. Yeah. Not the famous Jess Wright. Oh, yeah. But she first billed her husband, DJ, 33, four years ago. She started to get frustrated with him, forgetting to tidy up, leaving his clothes out. DJ's a real estate investor. he was quite taken aback at first but now it says it helps him keep on top of his chores they share three kids they split chores equally they decide week by week what they take on and if he misses his chores tullies them up and charges him so leaving out the toothpaste $5 forgetting to do the laundry it will cost him$10 -$20 while a major offence like forgetting to switch out the car seats will set him back$25 to$50 depending on her mood.

56:34Anna Williamson:So her invoice that she sends him can vary between$30 to$600 depending on the month. I'd say this is quite fair because if I was DJ, if I was her husband and I was just like, yeah, can't be arsed, I'll sacrifice the$600 and then she's like, do you know what? That's fine. I've got a bit of cash out of this. I think this is actually an interesting technique and apparently he doesn't mind his wife's technique. He said, ultimately, we wanted to keep the peace. It's unorthodox. I like the system. She's not yelling. I just pay it. That's it. Do you know what? As a relationship counsellor, I quite like this.

57:07Anna Williamson:You could dish his advice out. Yeah, well, I just think it's whatever works to create peace and harmony. Happy wife, happy life. It's all about respect and feeling equally valid. I think it's great. She says I'm being compensated for it and there's less resentment. I guess like, because it's different with different people. Naomi is very much pay for convenience. Andrew's like that. We'll pay someone to do something. I resent payings for something when I can do it myself. And that's me and Alex is like you too. Andrew's like, I can pay someone to do it. Pay someone to do it. And I'm like, no, I can do it myself.

57:39I'd rather save the money. Because I'm like, oh, I've got a box of clothes. I'll stick them all on Vinted and make a bit of money. And she's like, but the time it takes you to take pictures of them all, to measure them all, to stick them on. That is an hour of my life gone. And my time is money. It's sweat equity, sweetie. So I'd rather just pay someone else to do it. Or just give them to a charity shop. So maybe I should start charging her to do bits. You absolutely should. She's willing to pay somebody else. So she should be willing to pay you. I'd pay 10 quid for someone to put my clothes away because she hates putting her clothes away.

58:17Yeah, she does. You've said that before. 10 pounds now. So I'll be like, 10 quid and I'll do it. Can you start this and let us know how it goes? I might float it. Don't even float it. There's three bags of washing waiting to go up in her wardrobe. Clean washing.

58:31Anna Williamson:So you could say, you can pay me to do it for you. Yeah. Just say, Nay, we had this story in and I feel like it might work for us. How do you feel about that? These are my prices. Maybe. I reckon Nay will stump up the cash, you know. Me too. I reckon we could start also charging girls for sex.

58:54I reckon you could say to Naye,£10 for a bag of laundry, or£15 for a pussy lick.

59:01Anna Williamson:Wow. £15 for a blowjob for us. Oh, no, it'd be a bit more than that. I'd do it for£15. We should do, shouldn't we? This is great. I think this is, you know, it's whatever works for you and your relationship. So we get so many people, don't we, that message into us, complaining, and it's typically women to ratio men, And it's typically in a heterosexual relationship where they're moaning about, you know, the old naggy wife stereotype. You don't need to be a naggy wife. You say you've got to step it up. It's got to be parity. And if not, find a system that works for you. We applaud you just right.

59:34Anna Williamson:We do pink, blue and purple jobs in our house. And we have to stick to those. What's a purple job? It's one that either of us can do. But that's a negotiable on week on week. I am lucky because I have to say that we just don't have to do the jobs. Yeah. we don't we are really lucky actually well it actually probably just takes away a whole source of conflict we really don't argue about like I don't want to sound spoiled or entitled but we do have a lovely relationship because we don't argue about jobs like that we don't argue about money it's not a role in your relationship and actually I call it the chores wars when I write one of my relationship books the chores wars Anna's out with sweat equity the chores wars can you tell me buzzwords you'd be a marketer's dream a marketer's dream are you writing another book I might do yeah what about this time well I don't know I've got a few ideas you should do it on female friendships and then I could co-write it with you do you know what we should totally do that we should do a little how to be besties and business partners are rolled into one but chores are one of the biggest sources of arguments and finances chores and roles basically well and finances are in there too but it's typically the trivial stuff.

1:00:48What do you do when you're a lesbian about blue and pink jobs? Like who takes the bins out? Who puts the shelf up? I do that in our house, the shelves. The shelf. I love drilling. I love drilling and stuff and building things. I'm an outsourcer.

1:01:04Anna Williamson:I'm an outsourcer. Alex is a, no, I'll do it myself, thanks. Yeah, but come on, by the time you've called someone, you could put the bloody shelf up, it would have been up for three weeks. Well, he, the other day, he was, there's a part of the house that needs to be done to do with some old beams and stuff. And he was like, looked at the quote, and he was like, do you know what? That's strip out work. Because he's a handy guy, Al. He owns fit as well. Yeah, and he gets stuck in. Got a good brain for it. Yeah, and he gets stuck in. He went, he literally went, I've just wiped out seven grand off that strip out.

1:01:34Anna Williamson:Yeah, he can do it. Yeah, he's just stripped out. He's like, it's easy. Don't let him listen to this pod. He'll charge you for it now. Well, this is why I'm, did you notice I was a bit quieter on the billing Alex? because I thought he has single-handedly taken over this renovation project. I'm going to message him. No, you're going to tie an invoice. Don't you bloody dare. And I say, we've just got this great written. He was like, babes, I've just saved a seven grand. I've done the strip out for two days. He might charge you four now. No, he won't. He's married to me. He can damn well do it. Well, great.

1:02:03Listen, if you're inspired by that story, do let us know. If you run your life in a similar way, let us know because we are feeling inspired. Relationship hacks. This is what we're here for. Yeah, this could be actually quite a good new segment. What are your relationship hacks?

1:02:18Anna Williamson:Because we had the woman the other day, didn't we, that did the currency of the sex. The levels of blowjob. The levels of sex. Yeah, blowjob. That was a good relationship hack. Brilliant one. This now, billing for, you need to try this. We need a Luana try. I'm going to try it. Try it with Naomi. I think you need to try it. Write a list of the things that Naomi doesn't do that you can then be paid to do and see how that works. Do you know what we should do? Because obviously we know that our listeners, hello man fans but our listeners are mainly female we should create a Luana list right we should get our listeners we should do a nice little printout we'll put it on our Instagram of jobs around the house and the wage attached to it and what we should do for all our lovely our lovely listeners is pop that up they can print that out just hand it to their other half and we want you to film it actually and send it to us and see how that goes down that would be really great I would quite like first of all the poll Hidden camera we need.

1:03:12Anna Williamson:I'd like to know what are the five bugbears that boil people's piss the most for that? Because I bet it'll be picking up the shoes, the fucking washing. I did it actually this morning to Al. I was like, can you put that washing in your bloody wardrobe? I was like, oh, he does normally do it, but he hadn't this morning. And then he was like, but then, as you say, bicker. You all need a housekeeper. But then, well, that's cost a lot of money, Luke. So he, but, you're right, bicker. I was like, he was like, Anna, chill out. It's like 7am. Yeah, but it is annoying if stuff's left out. I'm like, just put it in.

1:03:42Anna Williamson:And he's like, I will. But then he's like, I will. Do you know what my bugbear is? Not because you're telling me to do it. My biggest bugbear at home is if someone washes up and they leave the washing up on the side. I do like that. It drives, I cannot tell you. How much? £10? I, like, no, I would bill someone 50 fucking quid. They do that. It drives me potty. We've just got a Natalie note. Like, everyone that's in this house knows that. and then we got lovely new nanny chase who i love she's so cute the kids adore her and um i was like i was like chase just to let you know i hate washing up being it she was like it's all right and then i was in dubai and we've got quite a big house out there as well and a house housekeeper and um she like was buying plates and everything for the new house and she like kept washing it up and leaving it on the side so i just kept putting it away like thinking maybe she'll pick up and in In the end, I just had to say, babes, I'm really sorry.

1:04:39When you wash up, can you just put it away, straight away? I can't look at it. I like the whole kitchen to be clear. Yeah, immaculate. I don't even like looking at a toaster on the side. I want absolute clearness in my brain. Otherwise, my brain can't go.

1:04:54Anna Williamson:But we've all got our bugbears. We've all got our things. Mine, it's the shoes. It's the shoes. Put them in the shoe basket. Yeah. Put them in the shoe basket. It's such a simple thing. probably washing yeah the washing away or just like do you do washing like every day so it doesn't build up or once a week yeah I try to yeah I do it but like sometimes when I'm out early I'm like have you put a wash on no no yeah why not why not and toilets flushing in my house that's the other one oh that's I just couldn't cope with that I bill that no I frog march they've stopped that now that's safe who doesn't flash the kids but I now frog march them back in they all flush do you know what i have to say i do moan about my children but they're very well trained do you know what this morning i was in the gym then i came upstairs mike clemmy is my dream child i do love my other kids as well obviously but clemmy's up she's just so good right and then um i came up from the gym she's all dressed in her school uniform she's seven every day she gets herself dressed she brushed her hair she brushed her teeth i never have to ask her she's at the hob oh yeah she's melting the butter in the pan i said what are you doing she's just making myself scrambled eggs she's got a little stool by the hob she's put her eggs in a bowl and i and i started mixing them for her so it was you know no mommy i like to do it myself she then takes her little stool over to the fridge has to stand on it the fridge is so big and gets her toast from the side, puts it in the toaster.

1:06:29I said, do you want my help? No, mummy. She's just making a... I had to film it. She's ready to move out. She's so good. And then I had her parents' evening. Shout out to Miss Embling, who listens to our podcast and follows me on Instagram. Work, work. And she said to me, she said, she's just so good. She sits next to me. And when she finishes her work first, she is bright, Clemmie. So she says she always finishes first. and then she asked me what to do next and she says she's my TA and she goes and she helps the other children who don't need a little bit of extra help. She goes and she explains it to them and she says, you know the cutest thing is I see her mimicking me and she obviously models herself on Mrs Embley and models her behaviour when she's helping the other children.

1:07:18And this is why I say teachers out there, honestly,

1:07:21Anna Williamson:but it is the kids' role model, they're teachers. And she loves to be like the assembly. Finally, Elle's had a new teacher who's brilliant as well. Teachers are everything. Everything. Like they are. We really don't give our teachers enough credit. Elle's last night made a little homemade money box, not like a jar. She was putting the lackey band around, you know, and then she came up to Mummy, Mummy, can you give me some money for my charity box? And I was like, yeah, yeah, fine. Anyway, then I'll call her Miss M, Miss N, new teacher. And she was like, well, because... Maybe I shouldn't have said her name.

1:07:50Anna Williamson:Oh, sorry. She went, well, Miss N's... which again, probably teacher's pet, well, Miss N's been saying, you know, if we take our money box in and we give it to those less fortunate and it can go to people that don't have enough food. See, they really have such a big impact on our children's lives. And I said, what a lovely, lovely thought that is. Can I take it in for show and tell today and tell people what... I was like, but again, just that tiny little influence from a new teacher. And I'm like, well done, teachers. We love you. We do. Like, honestly, they don't get enough credit. They have such a...

1:08:18It's so tricky being a teacher. They have such a big impact. They're everything. Right, we have really gone on. Oh, it's such a long ep. Right, let's go.

1:08:27Anna Williamson:Here we go. It's time for... It's the Widow of the Week. Right, first up, Anonymous. So, Elsie, nominating husband. Anonymous, so Herbert. Love that name. My husband gets goosebumps and erect nipples whenever he's about to brush his teeth. Very weird. Without fail, and even if he just thinks about brushing his teeth. Ooh, that's weird, isn't it? It's a kink out of tooth brushing. Which made me touch my breath. All right, Herbie. Herbie in your nips. Herbie in your nips. Let's see what... Jenny Talwartz is saying.

1:08:57Jenny.

1:08:59Anna Williamson:It took me ages to get that one. Did you do that? Did you? Jenny Talwartz. Jenny Talwartz. That's such a good one. I love that. They will get progressively worse. Emma, you have been exceptional at these. Brilliant. Exceptional. Dear Luanamo, I have an Is It Weird For You? I send this message as I lap up a delicious bowl of warm milk Farley's Rusks. Oh, grim. Of which I'm partial to now and again. Sorry, I'm really burping. Is that giving you the heave? No, I'm burping. And see, as a real treat at the ripe old age of 33. To give some context, I suffered with terrible mouth... Doing it, Anna. Mouth offices growing up.

1:09:41And during a bad flare-up, my mum would get rust for me as they were soft and easy to eat. Well, this tradition carried on into adulthood and now I occasionally indulge in a box, even if I'm not having a flare up. There is something about this sweet melt-in-your-mouth biscuity goo that I just bloody love and I don't intend to stop. Am I weird or are there other baby food eating adults out there?

1:10:02Anna Williamson:That's not weird. I know loads of people do that. It's just like a milky, oaty, porridge-y, ready break, isn't it? Yeah, I guess. And I know adults that do eat Varley's Rusks, yeah. When I used to try and diet, I'd eat baby food. wasn't there that really fatty baby food diet just eat well and exercise and you'll be fine that old classic hey Lou you don't need to eat baby food you just eat proper food that was a thing though wasn't it that was a real celebrity craze do you remember when Beyonce did that maple syrup cayenne pepper, lemon juice yeah I did try it I bet Bex tried oh you didn't that surprised me because you're a dieter too and like you say Lou you just come back to square one where I am now.

1:10:44Anna Williamson:Just eat a little bit less, better food and exercise more. Exactly. And go figure, it starts to work. It does work. It really does work. Right, have you got any rants in you today? I think I'll save my rant. All right. Emma probably knows what it'll be. Oh, okay. Huh? Oh, the poll. Oh, the poll results. Yes, poll results. Let's can the rant, even though I know it's people's favourite thing. Well, there you go. But we're going to do the poll. Should we get Bex on her mind? Oh, yeah. Give Anna the poll. All right, come on. So this was about Americans having no style. Let's deliver this news. We need to see what were the results, Anna.

1:11:25Am I right or are you right?

1:11:28Anna Williamson:Right, can I just say, this is in no way reflective of my thoughts here. Right, go on, but what is the general consensus? So, are American stylists, stylish? there was an overwhelming 92 % that said no. Americans have no style. I told you. It's not just me that thinks that. Well, I would like to say for all of my American friends, I told you, please don't hate me for that. It's worldwide known. They have no style. Anyway, that is it. I love to be right. No need to rant because I am right. Bish, bash, bosh. Don't worry that it's over because we'll be here every Monday. But if you don't want to wait until then on Thursday, of course, it's Luanna Totally Extra.

1:12:12Anna Williamson:We need you, Lufanian, so please send in your emails to Luanna at everythingluanna.com. Our WhatsApp number to send a voice note or a message is 07745 266 947. Make sure you've followed us. There's a little click in the right-hand corner. Please follow us. It really does make a difference. We also know that millions of you listen and only about 20 % of you follow, so please click the follow. Tell someone about us, make them listen, give us a five-star review and rating, and we'll see you on Thursday. Lazy, bye. Just made that fact up, but still, follow.