"I've done a lot, been a lot, seen a lot, sh*gged a lot"

24:28I think she's very smart and very calculated.

24:31Anna Williamson:She definitely knows how to make money. She really does. She doesn't know how to make money. But she's been banned from any fans now. Good bit. Should we move on? Yeah. Sorry, I just had to talk about it because also the reason I started talking about her is because she has got a real outie fanny. Have you seen it? No. Well, I noticed. So I watched it with Andrew, Lucy and Scott. This was the end to that story. This was the end, right? Give us the tie, goods. Because I watched it with Lucy Scott and Andrew and we were all watching it. You didn't see her badge, did you? Well, they blurred it. Yeah.

25:08And I was like, that's a big blur. and I went, her fanny is big, it's hanging down. And Scott went, I noticed that too. And Andrew and Lucy were like, what are you two talking about? And anyway, we then looked up the vag and it's big.

25:21Anna Williamson:Love that chat. Honestly, really did like that. Right, here we go. Let's move on to, and this has actually cracked me up because it's time for Did You Know With Imo? In brackets, what the hell was the Mecca with Becca? Did you like it? It doesn't make any sense, guys. The Mecca. I mean I'll be honest Lou came up with it on the back of a fag packet immediately and we ran with it but I think you could tell that whole item was Becca then panicked in the corner on her phone She came up with some good facts Not bad for a three second lead I learnt a really good fact while I was away Go on Can't remember it But I just remember someone telling me and me thinking that's such a good fact for the podcast Well all we can say then Lou is thank God Imo is back Go on Imo give us the tea okay this uh came in from kira thank you kira um it's about public toilet doors do you remember the oh yeah they swing the wrong way yeah where the fella was annoyed because you had to push or pull or whatever anyway no you have to pull towards you and then it should be the other way around yeah you can just and we were talking about why that was anyway she said uh long time listener first time writer inner i have an answer to the last person's rant about which way public toilet doors swing my husband is an architect and i've seen a few toilets on his drawings before so i thought he'll know the answer and he does it's not that exciting but anna is right you can't have a door opening into a walkway because you could knock someone out uh knock someone out if the timing was perfect you will also notice that most public toilets have a little walkway and or another door that's to obscure any view into the loos from people outside oh yeah the more interesting part is that disabled loos have doors opening outwards out in case someone collapses inside against the door also and also she's not written this but also so that they have full functionality of a wheelchair inside the room because doors will get in the way um did wonder why disabled loos open out yeah then it can obviously be opened easily without having to push the door into the person and their wheelchair sometimes.

27:30Anyway, that was that.

27:32Anna Williamson:I love that right to reply. That's very interesting. Thank you, Lufanians. Thank you, lady, for coming back in. What was her name in there? Kira. Nice. Kira, thanks, Kira. Nice architect husband there. Yeah, there we go. Bog architecture. Right, let's get into your messages. Let's, I was about to say, let's clit rub in. That was a new one. All right, Bonnie. On the back of our... Message from Lucy. Morning, ladies. Lucy here. Feel free to use my name. We will. I was just listening to an episode where you talked about grassing. Oh, yes. Grassing up. And I thought I'd share the ultimate grassing story.

28:06Anna Williamson:So let me take you back to 2023. It's Halloween and my bestie of six years, let's call her Kira. I love the Kira. Decides it's a good idea to get absolutely rat-ass drunk. Like so drunk she didn't recognise who I was when I was sitting in front of her. I mean, that's best. I hate being that drunk. Oh, I hate it, Lou. I'm always sick nowadays. Sicky drunk. Our other friend, let's call her Alice, decides Keira is way too drunk and takes her home. When at home, Keira runs, grabs her peeves, oh my God, and drives away. Alice tries to drive after her, but Keira was in a brand new BMW, so she was pretty speedy.

28:39Anna Williamson:This is so dangerous. Oh my God. Alice calls me at the pub. What should we do, she says. So I'm on the phone to 999, reporting my best friend for drink driving. What did you do? She might kill herself or someone else. Yeah, exactly. Luckily, I gave her a dress, what she was wearing, awkward because it's Halloween, and she was dressed as a sexy Hulk Hogan. R.I.P. R.I.P. Her license plate, I know. He's dead. He snuffed it. They're all snuffing it. Who else died? Someone else snuffed it that week. Ozzy Osbourne. Ozzy Osbourne. Oh, poor Sharon. Anyway, her license plate, everything. She had police out looking for her, but they couldn't find her.

29:12Anna Williamson:Luckily, she turned up back home hours later, still hammered. Safe to say, we never spoke again, and she turned our friend group against me for what I did. Apart from Alice, she's a real one. So yeah, that's my story on how my boyfriend met my best friend for the first time. I called the police on my bestie. Oh, and I lost 80 % of my friend group. P.S. Grassing is okay if you put yourself or someone else in danger. We agree with that. We do. P.P.S. If you wish to change my name, feel free to use my grandma's name, Mabel. We didn't change your name. No, and all other names have already been changed.

29:43Anna Williamson:Thanks for an absolutely cracking podcast piece. Wow. So she did grass her best friend. I think you, well, it's difficult. Would you grass me if I did that? If I was just thinking this, would I grass you up? I don't know if I would grass you up, actually. Do you know what? I'm going to be really honest. If you sped off drunk, I'm going to be honest. I've got a couple of police officer mates, and I would probably ring them and go, I'd just chase after you. Can you help Luke? The thing is, if I chased after you, you might then crash. That is a hard one, actually, calling the police on your mate when it's...

30:15Anna Williamson:Yeah, but I think you're right. What if she did crash and kill someone? Yeah, but what if she didn't? and she didn't. Yes, tricky one. Tricky one. Very tricky. We don't judge you. Sorry, you're mixed up. We listen. We listen. And we down judge. Yeah, we listen and we down judge. Who's next? Lubax? Right, we've got a message from Anon. So, Beryl. All right, Beryl. Dilemma title. Do I go to the wedding when I know the groom cheated? Oh my God, don't. This reminds me of something. Have you been in this itch? Like, I have to tell you off air. Really? So, my boyfriend is part of a big group of guys who all went to school together.

30:54They've pretty much stayed close, mainly because they all still live near each other, even though they're quite different people now. Over time, us girlfriends have also formed a friendship group, which has been nice. That's cute. Anyway, last year, the boys all went on a stag do to Latvia. As you can probably imagine, it involved a lot of drinking, drugs and strip clubs. Not really my vibe, but sadly kind of expected it with this group. but two things happened on that stag that really didn't sit right with me. They apparently all sat in a circle and listed which of each other's girlfriends they'd sleep with.

31:24I was horrified when my boyfriend told me, I'll have boyfriends and overshare, right? Shut up.

31:31Anna Williamson:What happens on tour stays on tour. But also, I mean, that's a risky move going into that topic of conversation. I mean, imagine us on the yacht trip going, right, who'd shag everyone else's husband? We just wouldn't go there. We'd then just all have a mass audience. khaki's in the bowl why talk about it well we can do it who said it didn't happen yeah it didn't happen or did it or did it come into an OnlyFans site near you right even worse sorry I'm really snotty today everybody bit gross it's fine you sneezed on me earlier and then breathed breathed on me so I've now got it even worse the actual groom to be cheated he slept with someone else while his fiancé was back home looking after their toddler.

32:15And now he just laughs it off and makes jokes about it. I was furious and told my boyfriend he had to tell her. But he said it wasn't his place. That is correct. It's not his place. Why did your boyfriend tell you? I mean, he needs to shut up.

32:26Anna Williamson:He's a bit of a snitch. He needs to shut up. He needs to shut his mouth. He's not part of the brotherhood. I mean, I like the open communication, but there are some things you just need to keep to yourself. There's some shit that you just do with friends that you don't talk about without your partner. It's the sisterhood. It's the brotherhood. It's the bro and ho code. Yeah. It is. It's like, I don't like your boyfriend. And to be fair, I don't know her super well either, but it makes me feel sick that all the guys know and not one of them is saying anything. It's like a big dirty secret they're all just happy to protect.

32:56Now, a year later, oh, it's been a good one. The wedding is happening. It's a full week in Greece. Oh, God. That's a lot, isn't it? The bride is quite intense. That's a lot. Quite expensive. That's so spenny. Greece is not cheap. I've just been. It's spenny. The bride still has no idea. a few of us girlfriends know what happened yeah because you've probably told them all uh and honestly we're all morally torn we're not super close to her but we're struggling with the idea of going and pretending everything's fine my boyfriend thinks i should still come to support everyone and just enjoy it but i feel like such a fake smiling at them and their toddler knowing what i know it's making me question the whole group dynamic including my boyfriend's role in it however he's adamant that as a group they're not fans of the bride to be oh and she's mean but Nobody deserves this.

33:42Do I suck it up and go? Do I speak up? Or is it wrong of me to just stand by and say nothing? Love you guys so much. I think you just need to mind your own on this one, babes.

33:51Anna Williamson:There isn't, I don't. Nothing good. Is going to come from this. Ever comes from being that one that tells them because you will always be made out to be the bad guy. And then you're going to isolate yourself and your boyfriend from the group. He's going to lose his friends. He's going to get pissed off with you. She's probably not going to believe you or going to forgive him anyway. He's going to go ahead with the wedding. You're going to fuck up the whole wedding. and you're going to fuck up your boyfriend's friendships and your friendships and then you're going to have no friends and the wedding's still going to go ahead.

34:15Anna Williamson:I think on the flip side, I do get, like I love that you do have this girl code like in you, but I think you really have to weigh up what the outcome of this might be. And to lose point, like how much do you want to be involved? It's not okay, it's not right, but it's also not your business or your life. And actually, if I'm honest, I... Would you say? No, I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't say. Would you, Emma? probably not to this but I think she's not a close friend if it was a close friend yeah I think that's the bit I think you'd have to oh yeah I think I think that's the bit for me and I'm not saying that that's right or wrong I just don't like getting involved if I felt out that my best mate's husband to be had shagged someone on the head on the stag whatever I would tell her I'd be pissed I would tell her would you yeah I think if they're if they're removed if she's removed in this I would probably I just feel like you shouldn't get involved so here's the thing I actually knew and I don't know what you guys think this so I didn't know no but um a friend of a friend of mine years ago they're no longer married um but there were definite like suspicions that her husband you know was was quite the philanderer um and I and it was actually quite difficult because some a couple of the girlfriends and I you know at one point years ago did think do you know do we should we say something like but I guess we'd never had any actual proof and And then we also came to the conclusion that we genuinely didn't think that the friend in question would probably believe us or would leave the marriage just because every relationship so intertwined.

35:50Anna Williamson:And we'd never been asked outright. And I think we took the stance that unless we were asked outright, of which we would probably then think about what the response would be. We weren't going to bring it up as a fresh topic of conversation. and I'm going to be honest because I do get this one with women it is difficult to know do I go left or right my gut's telling me in this person's situation I think I'd leave it I think it's for them look it's their relationship it's their marriage if they aren't going to be honest and trustworthy with each other then that's on them you don't know the history of their relationship though right or maybe she does know maybe she does that's what I mean but like she might have cheated on him he might have cheated on her they might have got like I learnt recently about someone who I know that was sleeping with someone's another friend's friend.

36:38I can't say too much because it's actually not come out. And basically I was like no you can't say anything. But they met she was in an affair. That's how they met and then they got together. And then I found out he'd already cheated on her once. She'd forgiven him. So the likelihood is that if you tell her she's not going to do anything about it anyway. And they've obviously had all this shit in their relationship before. So just fucking let sleeping dogs lie yeah i just never like getting involved in other people's business i yeah i think

37:06Anna Williamson:each situation is probably a very bespoke one um yeah i think in this one i'd leave it i think to mo's point if it was a best mate uh and if i was asked my honest thoughts i would probably then give them or say look i think you need to speak to your partner about this to get the the truth because if your fiance had done that and your best mate you found out your best mate never knew but never told you. Well, that's bad. If it was a best friend, though, I would say. See, and then I went through. I would say it was a best friend. I was like, what if it comes out and then she knows that we knew and we didn't say?

37:42And I do think that's hard. And that's very awkward as well. It's so awkward. That's why if you have an affair, you just shouldn't fucking tell anyone because people have affairs and then they have to, like, offload, though, don't they, onto someone here? Just don't do it. Just don't do it.

37:58Anna Williamson:But they then, why do people always tell like why is that well it's because you can't hold the guilt and the i mean i know this with my affair podcast it's because and the reason why always tell people and i'm like don't tell me i'm actually a really good secret keeper because i forget everything you are actually really i'm so good at keeping secrets so here's the thing then just to maybe if anyone on a fan wants to let me know you can i forget i don't remember and i hear it and don't tell anyone um what would you if you were the bride in question on this and let's say so this was not a best friend this was a sort of wife girlfriend of one of the stags so you're about to get married would you want to know you've got a toddler you're about to put all that money and effort into your wedding you're with this guy would you want to know that piece of information from someone that's not that close to you I think I would question the validity more than if it was like a close mate but yeah even though that doesn't really make much sense no it does because you'd be thinking why are they telling me why hasn't how do they even know when i don't even know them that well and why hasn't someone that i know better that would know if they know told me i also know guy friends of mine because i have a lot of male friends that have done stupid shit like that you know had sex on stags and they have gone on if i'm completely honest and i haven't known this actually until way after the time but actually there's no right or wrong with this but they have gone on and they have and they are they've had wonderful relationships wonderful marriages they've kind of done that whole what's happened on tour stays on tour and they are a really fabulous partner to their partner and I believe they don't I also think right that different people have different opinions on stuff absolutely so like what is it's a bit like us with our earlier chat about body flu yeah what is like horrific to Anna isn't to me yeah what are your morals and standards and values and that's why I just think you have to like not get involved in people's business that's a good point because your opinions on affairs could be very different to hers.

39:51They might be fucking swinging every weekend. You don't know what they're doing behind closed doors. Yeah, yeah. I think we've hopefully given you... Just don't say anything. Go to the wedding, enjoy a nice week in Greece and just smile and get a suntan. Let them do... You do you. That sleeping dog's life. You do you. It's their relationship. Right, message from Peter next. Also there, you need to have a word with your boyfriend about the bro code. I think... He's an oversharer. I think he needs to just... I wouldn't want to be... Like, imagine if we, like, tell each other, like, loads of shit that we tell each other, and then you were going home telling Alex.

40:23I'd be like, what the fuck, Anna? But also, I'll be honest with you, there are some things. Oh, look at your toenail.

40:27Anna Williamson:It's still not growing back. No, I know. It fell off the other day. But also, there are some things. If I'm perfectly honest, I just don't think I need to know. Yeah, I agree. I'm okay with it. As long as it's not too bad. Yeah, that's why I feel like that. I'm sort of all right. I feel like I don't need to know all the goings on. If Alex goes on a boys' holiday, I don't really need to know what they do. We have a holiday at the minute with Scott and Nick. They're in Saint-Tropez. Would you want to know everything they got up to? No, I can't be. I haven't even spoken to Andrew, actually. There you go.

40:55Lucy has. Lucy's the one that we know. So Nicole's here and Lucy's here. The girls are here, yeah, and the boys are in Saint-Tropez. And Lucy's like, heard from Scott. And I was like, oh, I haven't spoken to Andrew. She's the one in the know. I like it. But is she feeding back the goss? Well, not really because Scott... Doesn't tell her anything, anyway. He was just like, yeah, the music was good. They went to see a DJ. But yeah. Good chat today. It's terrific because Lucy did look on Instagram. Oh, where were they? Where did they go? Oh my God, give us the goss. Now she's giving me the goss. I can't remember where they went.

41:25Where are they? Sandrop? Yeah, they went to see Black Coffee. Oh. Andrew loves Black Coffee. Did they say it was shite? Well, I haven't spoken to Andrew, but Scott wasn't very well. Oh, why? And then Lucy looked at the place where they were on Instagram and it looked like heaving. It was not my scene at all. So happy we're not there. Yeah, I was happy I wasn't there for that. Better at champs too. But I'd like never look at Instagram at the place, but Lucy did. I was like, why are you looking at that? I love that though. I do like a little bit of just checking. She's like inspecting Lucy.

41:53Anna Williamson:She's probably checking if the FOMO's worth it. Clearly not. It wasn't. Because we were like, oh, next time we're definitely going to Black Coffee. And then we looked and we were like, no, we're fucking not. No, you're all right. Looked awful. No, you're fine. Don't like that. Dun, dun, dun. Oh, no, it's too... No. I like words. No, it's din. It's din. Give me a bit of, it's raining men. This is why we will always be friends, because give us S Club 7 any day. Better bewitched. Better bewitched. Can I just say, nobody gets on the table quicker to bewitch than you and I. No, literally, get on that.

42:24Anna Williamson:Irish dancing. We will push people out the way to get on that table. Right, message from Peter. Hi, Luanna. Hi there, straight man fan here. Woo! Hello, Peter. We celebrate you. We do, and your straightness. Long-time listener, first-time emailer here. Your listeners' stories always have me crying with laughter. So I thought I'd share a legendary moment from a lad's golf trip. Oh, I love this. Oh, whoops. Here we go. She's getting really excited. Well, you know why I like our straight men-fen? Men-fen? Men-fen. It's because this gives us the lens into what the lads do. It gives us the insight.

42:56Anna Williamson:This is what we've just been talking about. Yes, because we don't ever see this. So that involves a Victoria's Secret purchase, a very long-suffering wife. I feel like we've got quite a divisive pod today, and I'm here for it. and the world's We're covering a lot Exactly World's smelliest romantic gesture Smegma comes to mind And I'm thinking of like sharting Anyway Here goes he says We're flying home from a very heavy golf tour in Portugal Everyone's horrifically hungover barely functioning when my mate David suddenly decides he's going to be husband of the year Oh David Good old Davo He wanders into Victoria's Secret at Faro Airport and buys some lacy underwear for his long-suffering wife I mean it's a massive cliche I'm not going to lie I always say this to Al.

43:39Anna Williamson:I'm like, buy me some underwear. If I bought you underwear, you'd say I'm a massive fucking cliche. I don't think Al just ever bought me underwear. He's given me his credit card to go underwear. I actually gave Al the green light for the undies. And then he was like, I know if I get them, I'll get them too small. I'm like, you always get them too small. And then like nobody likes that muffin top on top of underwear. It's like the most unsexy look. It cuts in. I have to tuck in anyway.

44:05Anna Williamson:No one's winning, Lou, at that one. I'm telling you. I'm like, I'll get back to me M &S and me Johnny Lou pants. Although I did wear a nice bra yesterday. Well, if he bought the, you know, crotchless one, you wouldn't need to tuck in. You wouldn't need to tuck in. I actually had a new little pour moi lingerie set on yesterday. And he actually, for the first time ages, because he hates my underwear, which is ranked, to be fair. It is. I haven't got out of maternity wear for nine years. Well, mine's not much better. I'm going to. It is. I mean, look, what underwear are you wearing today? Yeah, horrific.

44:32Anna Williamson:Look, we're like... Yeah, we're in horrendous underwear. Mine's a bit nicer. To be fair, yours is actually quite nice, to be fair. And he was like, I could see him. He went, ooh. I think he had a little tingle on the old tip. The old Italian style. That's it. He went, ooh, that's quite a nice bra. And I was like, no time. Shush, move on. Anyway. And then Bonnie Blue came in and she was there ready to service him because you said there was no time. Because I denied my husband. You only have yourself to blame. And I purely live in Bonnie Blue's world where all we have to do is just to service our men, apparently.

45:03Anna Williamson:Anyway. They're not serviced by us. Well, there it is. I say you can go get it, Louie. I'm honest with it. I'm all right with it. I'm tired. I've got my silver bullet from Dr. Tara. We got our age verification. You can borrow my email address now. I'm not doing that. So you can get back on. No, I'll actually give you my email. No, because... Then you can just use mine. Okay, fine. But I'm scared because I travel to Dubai so much. Imagine if I was banged up abroad looking at porn. Babes, this is permanently my absolute fear now. I'm getting more anxious as I'm getting older. I'm just saying it's the Perry.

45:34Anna Williamson:Anyway, Peter gets on and says, so he gets his underpants, underwear, underwear for his long, my poor husband, I'm telling you, for his long-suffering wife. He gets it beautifully gift-wrapped and everything. He leaves a package with the lads while he nips to the loo. That's where Kevin, our group Menace, spots his chance. That's like our Ben. He carefully unwraps the gift, swaps the sexy lingerie for his own golf pants, The ones that he's sweated through three rounds and a night out in Villamora. We should do this. We should prank when we do a group trip. Fast forward to that evening. David sprinkles rose petals, lights, candles and even a bubble bath.

46:15Anna Williamson:Good old David. He proudly hands his wife the special gift he's been bragging about. She opens it. She stares. She says nothing. But the smell says everything. Oh no. Sweating balls. The ballsack. Oh, romantic evening over. I mean, they've been on that gooch. So she says, romantic evening over. David, sleeping in the spare room. Kevin, still our undisputed club champion. Hope this gives you a laugh. Love the pod and all that jizz. Peter from Oxford. Love that. Well done, Kevin. I'm going to nick that idea. I like that. That's a great idea. We love all your stories. And remember, if you want to get in touch, you can email us.

46:55You can reach us at Luanna at everythingluanna.com. You can also drop us a WhatsApp on 0745 266 947.

47:08Anna Williamson:Right, newsy bits. I've been reading quite a lot about this recently, actually. Nearly half of women could be single and childless by 2030, says Morgan Stanley. I read about this too. Birth rates are on a rapid decline. Not bloody surprise because there's no bloody help out there for working mothers. Well, not enough anyway. A new study has predicted a massive shift in how women live. And it sparked plenty of debate on, like, we're also doing our own shit for our own reasons now. And I'm okay with that too. I just think we're more selfish now. And there's so much more life to live. Choice. Like, travel's opened up.

47:45There's just so much more than, like, being tied to a rugrat that only gives you 20 % of happiness.

47:51Anna Williamson:But generationally, that's what we were designed to do. Procreate, have babies. And now we've got more ops, haven't we? Maybe we're just like all going to go extinct. What was I reading about? That might be the end of the world. No, but was I reading something about China? I might need you to fact check this for me now, Emo. Because you know how China for years, Fake news warning. No, but for 30 years, I was reading something in the Times. They had their one-child policy. One-child, but now it's reversed. That's gone, yeah. And now they're actively encouraging and I believe incentivising women now to have children in China.

48:21Anna Williamson:They've kind of reversed on that whole policy because I believe the elderly are now overpopulating the younger generation coming through, which is the issue. Well, that's the problem because you need the youngest to look after the old. And we're living longer. We're living longer. I think that was the thing I read in the Times about it. And I think that's the same issue we're having here in the UK and globally. A subsidy. Parents in China are being offered about, not very much, but 375, the equivalent of 375 quid a year for each of their children under the age of three. I think that this in England has been a problem for ages because when I had Dixie, I was 23 back in 2010.

49:01I got a thousand pounds. You did, yeah. Just for having her. Yeah.

49:04Anna Williamson:And I got family allowance, whatever you call it now, for Enzo. I don't think, Elk, I don't think you get it for the second child. I don't know with the others. I can't remember. But there's different schools of thought now saying we're actually going to incentivise you the more children you have. I mean, I'm not being funny. Women, if you'll listen to this, the grand, if they're still doing it, it's not worth it. I don't think they're doing the grand anymore. Wow. Sorry, so basically a report by Morgan Stanley said 45 % of women aged 25 to 44 could be single and childless by 2030. That is nearly half of women in their prime working years choosing...

49:34Anna Williamson:And also prime childbearing years. Exactly, not to settle down or have kids. So it says it's not as sudden or shocking as it sounds though because the trend has been building for years. As you just said, Lou, you were 2010 when you first had a baby. We know it's been rapidly decreasing. Back in 2018, the number sat at 41%. now more women are delaying marriage or skipping it entirely and prioritising other things like careers, friendships, freedom and personal development. This doesn't surprise me. Think about all the stories we get about women in miserable relationships. Like, you know, we have these massive man babies now.

50:07Like men, they seem to be so much more incapable like these days. Like people are miserable. Why stay in a miserable relationship tied with fucking kids that also make you miserable? like kids honestly like I am a big truth teller about children my children bring me happiness but most of the time it's fucking hassle having kids well it's hard work it's really really hard work and I have help but like you can't give them back and sometimes I'm like oh my god imagine what my life would look like if you didn't have kids I think what it is we're having kids sounds bad no you're such a bitch saying that but these things they do cross your mind and you have them and then you're tied and then it is a fucking tie and it is a chore and they are expensive and women now are more being like you know what do I actually want that from life do I actually want to have to plan every time I step out my front door if I want to be alone will I actually get any alone time you're having kids with all these men that are wasted spaces that then don't support you financially emotionally you know it's like a massive deal for women because we are the

51:13Anna Williamson:ones left holding the fucking baby and we're not prepared to do that no and i think i think what's come into this more and more as every year's gone on is the ability of choice and empowerment and i do think social media also plays a part in this now where you know we are really quite rightly promoting the fact that we are an individual human being that has choice but you can't get away from the fact that only women can give birth to a baby and if women don't give birth to babies we don't have a population. So I do think there needs to be more support and incentive for people to choose that now, as opposed to, as you say, going, well, fuck this.

51:49Anna Williamson:I can have more money if I don't. I can do X, Y, Z. And to your point, Luke. It's called, look, more money, she economy. She economy. Because to your point, I love being a mum. I wouldn't change it. But do I find it hard? And do I also have moments of, Christ, this is just a relentless life. And it is relentless. It's forever. Especially when, you know, and my mum always says this, They're not robots. They're unpredictable. And there's a lot that goes into being a parent. It's hard work. And I think it is such a valuable thing to do, but it's not easy. And I think just because everybody has babies, it gets somehow trivialized that, oh, everyone has kids.

52:24Anna Williamson:It doesn't mean it's not fucking hard. Well, this is saying that while politicians and traditionalists might panic about declining birth rates, the bigger picture is just that more women are exercising their right to choose lives they want. We don't want to be tied to the kitchen sink. And also, nowadays, women have to work too. Because you need that double income in a household. And childcare is so fucking expensive. Maternity, I mean, our maternity, people slag off our maternity in this country. I was having this conversation the other day. It's not that bad in this country when you look at other countries.

52:54Not compared to some countries. It's really, really not. Other countries have it brilliant. I think we're middle. Yeah, but we're middle. But, you know, I don't blame women for doing this. And I sometimes think, God, if I was like, I think maybe if I hadn't have had Dixie when I met Andrew, would I have had any more children? I don't know. Really? Do you think that? Yeah, but then I already had one, in for a penny, in for a pound, chuck a few more in. But, and you know, I get great joy from my kids, like as we all do, but also like great amounts of, oh, for our sake as well. And I do get a lot of freedom and I still, and I think like that.

53:27So I then wonder, that's why women are miserable. It is. It's why so many women that are married with children, they are unhappy because you feel like you're tied down. You don't have any freedom. You feel like you're doing the mother load of everything. You're trying to work. You're trying to run a house. You're looking after a fucking man, baby, incapable husband. You know, the majority are. We get that a lot in the podcast and I know there's anomalies to that and more men are standing up. Yeah, there are good men out there. We're not man bashing. I love men. But we do hear from a lot who are.

53:59It's very hard. And then, you know, it has created resentment, resentment. And women are miserable because they just feel like, God, what about me? What about me? What is left? There's nothing left of yourself to even commit to yourself if you want to. You know, it'll be sometimes, I mean, I'm knuckered and I think, oh, it'll be nice to like face mask tonight and just even wash my hair and dry. And you're so tired. You can't be asked because everything of yourself has been given to everybody around you and there's nothing left. you're like an empty vessel.

54:30Anna Williamson:All I'm going to say, that's where I came into the beginning topic of this podcast, why I also take issue with that, because exactly that. Women are expected to have to fucking do everything, including shagging their partners, it seems. And sometimes you just want to go, no. But it shouldn't be a job shagging our partners, right? But we feel like that because you're exhausted with life. Knackered, yeah. You know, and I don't know. I just hats off to the women that opt out. I think if I had my if I could live two lives I'd live the one I'm living now and then I would live a child-free life on a horse ranch and I would just like do you know what I'd do I'd buy a private jet and I just travel the world with my horses so many more of like my peers and like my age group and people I speak to are like yeah no it's not for me yeah and seriously considering not having kids yeah yeah yeah i think it's way more of a thing than just even a few years ago and it's also more socially acceptable now whereas before it'd be like what's wrong why aren't you having children now it's like i just fucking don't want those bastard kids they're annoying why what is the general consensus around that is it finances freedom what would you say is driving everything it's freedom it's having more money it's having the money for that freedom it's also seeing all of the things that go along with parenthood that are more widely spoken about.

55:55And they're just like, that's not for me.

55:57Anna Williamson:I'll be completely honest, actually. Alex and I, I mean, as you know, I mean, I was really debating having a third. I mean, that ship is too old now. Yeah, I'm too old now. But that ship has sailed. But I think, no, I am, I'm 44. I mean, if these old bastards work. Women are listening to this, being like, but I'm 44 and I'm having a baby. You are going to be fucking tired. Let me tell you, if you are chucking out a baby at 44, let me tell you, you are not feeling fresh after that shit. Because I felt very different to 23 versus 30. Well, I felt the difference between 35 and 39. Fucking tired, I'm telling you, you're not designed for that shit.

56:33Anna Williamson:Exhausting. But I really, our main, we haven't never made a decision decision. It's just like, I don't think it is. It might still happen. It might still happen. no but because and we did have quite a pragmatic chat i've got my two who i adore a third child for me typically means i have to take a step back from my career and quite honestly right now my career is flying i'm really enjoying life i'm enjoying a bit more of the freedom i get because my kids are a bit older and genuinely alex and i had the conversation i said well if we did have another baby i i would need you know you would need to be co-parenting and he was like i'll be honest he's really into his career as well at the moment he's really interested and i was like well Well, that's a really important point.

57:12Anna Williamson:And while we talk a lot about this on the pod and I do my other work, the importance of having these really honest chats, because having that honest chat was a really important one for us to go. Well, yeah, because if I did suddenly fall pregnant, you know, hearts and flowers, let's have a third baby at the practicalities of I don't want to take a step back from my career. Neither does he. That's OK. And then it's also not fair on a child to not have parents looking after it. So we were like, let's just not have that decision. But again, we have selfishly made that happily. we talked about having more kids when we bought this house you know I had this romantic visions of like you wanted that boy remember one time you were like oh I want a boy yeah I was like I might want a boy boys are great I love my boy and then I said to Angie the thing is if we want one I'd want a boy and it would have to be twins so it had a mate so then we're going to have five kids and that's just a lot I don't really want to look after them so then I'd have to have like two full time 24 hour nannies and what's the point of having a kid if you don't want it yeah exactly i don't really want it and he was like nah no do i no do i but you like the idea of it more than the actual thing yeah it's a romantic notion and the problem is when we action the romantic notions and then it fucking lands that stalk delivers the baby it's not romantic anymore people want the wedding but they don't really want the marriage exactly preach it sister but the problem is you can get divorced you can't give well you can't give the baby away but that's a bit mean but it's also a lot of trauma and it's just not fair on the baby and that's what we and that's what we came to that conclusion lovely idea of having three kids but it's practically we're too selfish love to hear from marley fanians that have decided to duck out of the traditionalist marriage and kids i want to know what lives you're living you're probably in bali like making beads and working freelance in tech whilst like shagging some really hot guys and riding elephants and horses and equally and a pet monkey that would That would be my dream.

59:07I just basically said what I wanted to do.

59:08Anna Williamson:You literally just said your dream. Or I want to flip it as well. Have we got anyone that's the complete polar opposite who has actively said, no, I actually love this. I've got a great partner. What does the fulfilment give me of choosing the family way as opposed to the career? Because I genuinely want to hear those stories too. Well, I think that is the difference in people, right? Because some people are very happy on their own, in their own skin. Like I never used to be when I was younger. I hated being alone. I didn't even want to eat alone in a restaurant. Yeah, I hated it. I just wouldn't, didn't like that at all.

59:39And now I'm like, oh my God, give me like, I love going away by myself. I love eating by myself. I love like not responding to messages. I think that's a maturity thing as well. I do as well. I think it says you mature. And I think the problem that we have now, or it's not a problem, but the fact of it is that women are delaying these things and they're thinking, well, I will do that. But then you hit like your mid to late thirties and you think, oh no. Well, no, because you've matured. And then you think, actually, I am quite happy doing this shit alone. And what if I had to drag old Martha along?

1:00:13It wouldn't be quite the same. So I'm ducking up. Whereas when you're young and dumb and you do it, like I was 23 and then I had one and I was like, well, I can't change it now. And I had my little mate and I had a lot more energy then.

1:00:25Anna Williamson:But that is why, sorry, statistically, women, because now the birth rate of first babies is so much older now. That is why statistically those women are more likely to suffer from post-settled depression because they've had the established career. They're grieving a loss. Exactly. When you're younger and had children, you don't know what you're missing. I just always had to have a kid and had to work. And, you know, I was like 23, running a few businesses. Like that was just my life, you know. I think also it's kind of why people are remaining single, like because they're finding their freedom.

1:01:01if you're single for an extended period of time you get into your own way of doing things you appreciate yourself more you have your own life and then it's like well someone else got to fit into that and how sometimes you don't want them you don't want to change the life that you've got so they don't fit into that life so i think some people are like how how does that marry up

1:01:22Anna Williamson:how does the jigsaw doesn't work like i i love west alex and i came to we love our life now And it's like the disruption of that is not worth it. No, it's not worth it. We love our two children, but the disruption for where we are now in our life is not quite worth it. Anyway, listen, I'd love to hear from our Lufanians. Do write in to us, Luanna at everythingluanna.com, because I'm just interested in this. Tell us your lives. Tell us your lives. This is a really bad story now. Go on. A Danish zoo has asked for unwanted pets to feed to its predators. this bloody zoo in Denmark has appealed to the public to donate their healthy unwanted pets as part of the unique effort to provide food it's asked for donations of live chickens rabbits and guinea pigs which it says are going to be gently euthanised by trained staff they've also accepted donations of live horses with owners able to benefit from a tax break posting on Instagram the zoo explains it has a responsibility to imitate the natural food chain of the animals and smaller livestock make up an important part of the diet of our predator.

1:02:29Anna Williamson:That is true though, isn't it? I mean we don't think anything of giving a snake a live mouth, do we? It's like the fox is eating my diet. It's nature. The zoo says the food provided in this way is reminiscent of what it would naturally hunt in the wild and that is especially true for the Eurasian lynx. Other predators being kept at the zoo include lions and tigers. The small animals can be donated on weekdays with no more than four at a time without an appointment. I mean I just think back now Imagine like going to school here's the pet guinea pig bye Harvey bye Bubbles and then you get home your fucking mum's taking them to feed to a lion I actually think now that's really bad I had two guinea pigs Pip and Pepper which I stopped looking after as a child and my mum threatened me not mum she's a pony club mum she threatened me three times about three chances you don't clean up guinea pigs and give them away well I didn't did I third time came home from school guinea pigs been given away to somebody else but imagine they would be taken to the zoo I'd have felt dreadful Well, listen to this.

1:03:24On its website, underneath a picture of a tiger devouring a piece of meat, Allberg Zoo lays out the conditions for donating horses. They need to have a horse passport and cannot be treated for an illness within the past 30 days. If they're successful, horse donors can then receive a tax deduction. The thing is, I have to say that there are a lot of horses that are just kept alive. When they shouldn't be. Like, when they shouldn't be. and so I do get it. Lou, you know what this is? The lions and the tigers have to eat but I couldn't go and feed little haggis the Shetland to a tiger.

1:04:00Anna Williamson:It's the circle of life. But not in Ireland. And then the thing is, the carnivores, they need the meat, the fur, the bones to give them a natural diet. So... Sorry, your bones just put at the bottom. It's a hamster trauma story waiting to happen. That's terribly sad but also I do get it. I do. Look, that fox ate Boris because he was in the circle of life and as sad as we are about that. I'm thinking if I had to have one of my horses put down, I'd rather like donate it to a lion to eat than it just be like buried or like chromated because it's already dead, isn't it? I think I'd prefer that. I think actually...

1:04:41Anna Williamson:I don't think I could take Teddy the cat though. Teddy the cat needs to be stuffed. Are you going to get Simon the stuffer to stuff Teddy the cat? I think I might have to. That cat brings me so... Talking to kids, my cat brings me more joy than anything and anyone in this world. Listen, darling, my horses, I prefer them. Every morning, he comes in for a little fluffy... A little fluffy cuddle. Even social media man of Bex loves Teddy when she comes around to do my TikTok. I've never met Teddy. He is a little fluff bag. He's like a lap cat now. You can sort of just pick him up. He's always there when you need him.

1:05:15Anna Williamson:You love Teddy. I love my Teddy. He's getting old though. He probably will die soon. I am starting to prepare myself for this you should I am going to pay anything to keep him alive how old is he? quite old I think he's around 13 he's quite old that's not that that's not old is it? how old do cats live for? my oldest cat lived till 21 oh is it his prime babe? let's not talk about Teddy dying let's talk about something more positive yes let's right would listen you just said you'd pay anything to keep Teddy alive I would right if you won 100 grand would you donate that to the Teddy Lives Foundation?

1:05:48Anna Williamson:100 % if Teddy needs anything it's going towards Teddy the cat non-RIP non-RIP well listen you could win a hundred grand all you need to do is text the word Luanna to 82200 that's L-U-A-N-N-A to 82200 and you could have a chance to win £100 ,000

1:06:13Right

1:06:13Anna Williamson:it's that time of the pod it's time for It's the Widow of the Wee Sadie Car. Right, anonymous, so Sadie up first. Please call me Sadie after me granny. Love that name. But I think, do you? I think after, there was a girl at school I didn't like called Sadie. It stuck. Oh, I love the name Sadie. It stuck. I'm one of the ladies that rides my horses, Sadie Smith, very good horse rider, dressage rider. She's really nice. It's made me like the name even more than I already did. Yeah, I need to perhaps find a better Sadie. I should have had like a Sadie and Sienna. Have those two more kids, Lou? Anyway, she says, but I think after you hear this story, a better name will be The Peddling Pisser.

1:06:54Anna Williamson:Oh. I present to you, with no shame, a true contender for Weirdo of the Week. I need a wee, I've just realised. So do I, and a poo. You've just done a shit. It was only a... Half shit. I live in one of the rainiest cities in the UK and I cycle pretty much everywhere. Now, when the heavens open and I'm already soaked, I've developed a rather unique life hack. Oh. Oh, no. No. She's weird. This is so weird. Lou, this is not okay. Oh, she must think of piss this girl. If I need a wee mid-ride, I just go. Right there, in my shorts, on the bike. Sometimes at the traffic lights, sometimes mid-pedal. A warm waterfall amidst the cold drizzle.

1:07:30Anna Williamson:No one can tell. I'm already wet through. And honestly, it's practical. No faffing with public loos or hopping off the bike. Just a stealthy sprinkle and on I go. So yes, I wee myself in public in the rain. I don't believe that. And I think that officially qualifies me of the weird of the week. You're welcome. But I want to know, like, is that on your way home and then you're just taking off the wet clothes and having a shower? Or is that on your way to work and then you're just drying out? Do you wear a tenner lady just to catch some of it? If she's cycling to work, she'll then shower at work?

1:08:02No, because she'll be in her cycling kit. Yeah. Well, but what if she just takes it off and doesn't shower and then she just stinks of piss? you're going to be known as a pissy office girl if you don't wash that is really weird

1:08:16Anna Williamson:I'm fascinated but maybe there's something quite weirdly euphoric and liberating she likes the feel of the hot the warm waz because I have to be honest I do quite like weeing in a wetsuit when I'm in the sea do you? I've never worn a wetsuit because it all sort of like bubbles and bulges out a bit so it tickles a bit doesn't it and you're in that cold sea and you get this warm wee it's really quite nice I always wee in the sea but I I swim away from it as I'm weeing. Move and wee. Because I always think, what if the fish are attracted to the wee and then one's going to like swim up my vag? There's nobody else think that.

1:08:49I think that. I always think if I wee in the sea, I think like, is the hole open enough for like little micro fishies to swim up there?

1:08:57Anna Williamson:Don't give me a new anxiety. They swim in the bellend hole end bit, whatever it's called. The bit, the phrase I can't say anymore. that I really want to say. Alex is now worried for his penis and fish in the sea. Have you never had a fish up your penis, Al? You've not lived. Right, let's see if Primrose is weirder. Who lives in me? Alex, enjoy your holiday next week and don't worry about fishes going up your penis. Wow, it's a thing. Right, hey, Luana Moe. Get back to suck it out. Oh, grim. Too much, sorry. I've lost the line. Oh, grim. Not Alex's penis. I'm sure it's my own stop. Now I've got images of Bec sucking Alex off.

1:09:41Anna Williamson:And you're right in front of me. Oh, no. Can I say, Alex looks more awkward than we do. Eraser. Sorry, Al. Eraser. We hope you've got a burgeoning sex life, because mine I lose is dry. That's why we're, like... That's why we can't log on to Pornhub. Right, Primrose. Who's the saddos? We are. We are. Right, avid listener since 2023 and still working my way through the back episodes in between new episodes. Anna, I'm taking this very seriously. Primrose, I salute you. Fan of the week. She says, I've made it to 2022. It's only a year left to go. Well done. Keep listening back to back. Not much time when I'm child free.

1:10:16Hence, it is taking a while. See, because you have no time when you have kids. But it's also my happy place to escape. So thank you both. Again, the need to escape from your life when you have children. We're like an advert for not having them.

1:10:29Anna Williamson:Well, last week I hid in a utility room for my two. because I was just so fed up with the ruddy fighting. I hid in the loo utility room. I don't even go to the toilet by myself. Oh. And Clemmie's developed this habit now. She thinks she has to hold my hands for me to do a poo. Oh, to a poo. I got pushed off the loo the other day by Enzo. He was like, hurry up, I need to go. I'm going to use the other one. When you can't even go to the toilet in peace. No, I got elbowed off the loo. Anyway, not sure if it was a new episode or an old or both, but I keep hearing stories which include flushing tampons down the toilet.

1:11:01am I the only one out there who doesn't do this yeah don't do this I assumed wrapping in the packet of the new one and putting in the bin was the norm but now I'm not sure am I weird for putting it in the bin are all these tampons or who are all these tampon flushers please give me a granny name of your choice I love them all thanks well I when I use tampons I would always flush the tampon oh you shouldn't flush a Tammy well you flush them

1:11:24Anna Williamson:well not anymore you need to put them in the bin bin bin bin but to be fair people did used to flush them I think they are flushable you can flush them but I don't think it's recommended for like sanitary sanitary and stuff or the pipes we always get recommended if you've got a super plus plus and that shit's sold on with blood it might plug up the pipe tampons have definitely blocked up the drains in my house really I think you're not meant to flush them you're not meant to flush tampons guys please don't flush them I'll end up part of the fatberg exactly It's the fatberg. It's a fatberg. I do what this lady does.

1:12:02Anna Williamson:I unwrap the new one, put the old one in that. Maybe a little bit of extra bog roll if it needs it. And then in the bin. Oh, periods are so icky. I just hate periods. Is that your rant of the week or do you have another one? I have got a really quick rant. I'm aware that we've been going on for a long fucking time. It doesn't matter. It's been a good ep. I loved it. Right, let me tell you. I'm going to name in shame a business now. Okay? A business. No. Can I just say? They're fucking illegal. Memo to lawyers. Here we go. Because, right, my inbox was full. Okay. What do you mean? Well, I got the thing.

1:12:34Your inbox is full. Because I'm really bad at any kind of life admin. I just let them all fucking clog up. And anyway, now... It's like full of spam, you mean. Spam. It's just bullshit. Look at fucking... Like newsletters. Right. And can I just say, so now a new email comes in. Look, I'll go to it. Here's one that's come in. Click on it. There's a new thing. Unsubscribe from this mailing list. Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe. and then I unsubscribe and then I delete. Do you know how many brands I've been having to do this? I haven't signed up. I haven't signed up. Anyway. So it's an opt out. Here's another one.

1:13:09Right. There is this one brand, White Fox Boutique. Okay. I think they're not in this country. I think I bought some shit for Dixie months ago. Yeah. I keep, I have unsubscribed 16 times now and they keep fucking emailing me. I don't want your fucking emails. and every time I do it, look, I'm going to click again. Right now. Here we go. Ready? Because this just came in. Stop it. Again, another fucking email. Unsubscribe. Then it takes me to their annoying fucking website. Don't want to buy any of your shit. Hey babe, breakups are hard. We're sad to see you go. If you're sure this is really over, you can unsubscribe by unchecking, unticking the check boxes below.

1:13:51Oh. Oh.

1:14:06This is fucking brilliant. Yes, this is.

1:14:15Anna Williamson:I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I just farted with laughter. But the principal is the same. White Pops Boutique, I take it back. Because it turns out it's the first time I've read your annoying blab and I have been checking both SMS and emails and pressing update. So I have been re-subscribing and not unsubscribing apparently. Well, why? Why do they say untick? It should be tick and then update, shouldn't it? Can I just say, if Social Media Manager Bex doesn't do a zoom in on the... Oh, if ever that was, the penny has dropped meme, I don't know what was. Oh, Lou, you're an absolute ledge. What a card.

1:15:06Anna Williamson:Well, now, I'm unsubscribing. Because I kept wondering. Update, I've unchecked. If I get emails after I've now unchecked. This could be a part two, man. So basically, I've been thinking I've been unsubscribing. They've been really pissing me off. You don't understand. it's been driving me in fucking sane to the point where I was going to call them up and I was going to be like I keep unsubscribing and you keep aiming turns out no I was wrong okay well that's been great thanks that's it probably my most favourite rant because the rant actually backfired that is it don't worry we'll be back here every Monday all hail the Zisballs you don't have to wait for any more of this absolute dross gold on Thursday.

1:15:53Anna Williamson:We have Luanna totally extra. We need you guys. It's your episode, Lufanians. Send your emails into Luanna at everythingluanna.com You can hop onto WhatsApp, send us a voice note or message. Producer Imo is standing by. The number is 07745 266 947. Maybe you can share your Penny Has Dropped moment classics as well. I was proper slagging them off. you should give them now some love they do do great clothes a very popular white fox boutique with the younger generation if you're looking for a good gift for your daughter then go to white fox boutique you are great and so are your newsletters listen make sure you've followed our podcast it's in that top right hand corner just click follow right now tell someone about us and make them listen please give us a 5 star rating and leave us a review that just says white fox boutique to let us know that you've listened.

1:16:51We'll see you on Thursday. Bye for now.

1:16:54Anna Williamson:Bye, guys.