'Just call me Luisa the hypocrite'

24:12Anna Williamson:Sticky B, come like, oh, interesting choice. If I see adults as well watching animation films, I judge them. Really? A hundred percent. I do. Yeah, I don't know. I haven't really had a moment. If I see a grown man watching Casablanca or whatever it's called. Or like Minions. What's Casablanca? You know, what's that? Casablanca. Okay, not Casablanca. Minions or something. No, it's called Casablanca or something. Is it a Disney one? Despicable Me 4. It's a Disney. I'm sure it's called Casablanca. I'll be honest with you. If I saw a funny thing. And it's got the animation people in it. What's Casablanca?

24:44Anna Williamson:What are you talking about? Okay, it's called, like... If I saw a fully grown man watching Despicable Me, I would question a lot. What's going to really annoy me? Casablanca. Okay, it's not called Casablanca. It's called, like... It's like, um... Is it an animated film? Yeah, it's animated, and they're, like, in a jungle, and they're flying. And I'm sure it's called something like Casablanca. They're flying? I don't know what the fuck it is. I don't know either. We're desperately Googling. Oh, Zootropica. Is that it? Zootropolis. Is that it? I don't know. Zootopia. I'm sure it begins with a C.

25:17Anyway. I mean, is there a particular film that gave you the itch? Yes. Okay. And I saw this, like, really good-looking guy who was, like, 40. And he's just watching a kid's film. Maybe it's his comfort blanket. That's an itch. Not that I was on the prowl, but, you know, that's an itch. Yeah. Anyway, basically, the kids have got fucking iPads again. Best thing I ever did. Have you put restrictions on them? Yes. Yes. And they respect it.

25:43Anna Williamson:Well, this is it. Maybe second time lucky. Because I said to them, as soon as I say now, right, iPads down, they hand over those iPads like shit off a shovel, let me tell you. They know that I will not be smashing again because I've had to buy. And as a result of getting the new iPads and then setting them up with their old Apple ID, I have been able to cancel a lot of subscriptions. That's so good. Happy days. That's really good. Happy days. And now, do you know what my new thing is? I need to go to an O2 shop. I'm actually going to call out O2. My phone bill this month was£262. Yeah, we've had this conversation, haven't we?

26:27It's going up every month. Yeah, you need to call them. I'm going to go into O2. I think they're conning me. Something's happening. Something's wrong on your tariff, for sure.

26:36Anna Williamson:Because I'm with O2 and I pay£19 a month. Well, I'm going to go in. maybe you can come with me after this record we'll pop it, I'm going to say my mate why is mine$262? I got it this morning, it's unbelievable lots of money on a phone bill Babs you don't be wanting that right let's get on to the part of the pod I find quite inspiring, I'm always quite interested to know what you girls are going to share, it's time for it's the record circle the record circle, it's the record circle ba dum bum right who's going first? You go first because you're so buzzing. Love the Reco San Nobles. Your tits are buzzing.

27:11Anna Williamson:Titty tassels are on the fizz. Now, forgive me, I'm just going to have to pick up my phone because I need to get the right handle. Ah, here it is. So, this week, I am going for an Instagram person, okay? Oh, this is new. We all love a bog scroll, don't we? Yeah, the shit scroll. A little late night scrolly scroll. I'm really into, my algorithm's kicked into history, okay? Now I love, so for anyone that loves history. Algorithms have so much to answer. I know. But it's like horrible histories, but for grownups. And I just find it pointlessly interesting, but really fun. Rabbit hole have gone down.

27:51Anna Williamson:So she's called History with Amy. She's a historian, author and presenter. She's done lots of telly shows on Channel 4 and Channel 5. And she's called Dr. Amy Boyington. and just really interesting snippets about... Hang on, let me get her up. So, like, I'm really interested in the Tudors. I know you'll think I'm probably a right saddo. No, I don't. Actually, the older I get, the more interesting I find history. Honestly, this is... I'll get you one up, History with Amy. She's so interesting. It's things like Queen... But it's all, like, shocking history. Do you know what I mean? It's not boring history.

28:27Anna Williamson:Queen Elizabeth took it up the arse. Kind of, like, she does have really shocking stuff like that. Like Queen Victoria had syphilis. Yeah, all kinds of... How does she know this? Because she's a historian. That's her job. I don't trust her. Here we... Right, so... Hang on, what's this one here? I'm going to look this up. So here you go. The lady was knowingly infected with an STI by her husband. The woman was the It Girl of London. She's just really, really interesting. What is that? And she had just married a Duke son. It looked like a fairy tale, but within months it became a medical horror story.

29:01Anna Williamson:Oh! So she's talking about Victorian STDs. Because she sued her husband for legal cruelty after he knowingly infected her with a life-altering STI. This is back in the Victorian times. This is the trial that took the veil off Victorian morality. Right, I'll go on to another one. Oh! She's really interesting. And then, like, so... Hang on, this one was really, like, it's just really, really good. What is she called? History underscore. History underscore with underscore Amy. Oh, I'm actually going to follow her. You will honestly love her. Guys, trust me, I have given you a gift here. Right, here you go.

29:33Anna Williamson:So what else was this one? Oh, there's just loads of stuff about the Tudors, about Anne Boleyn. Did Emily Bronte die from drinking sewage and graveyard water? What?

29:47Anna Williamson:So she throws up all these really interesting things. And then there was one about Elizabeth I. Oh, look, she's come up top. Yeah, she's brilliant. History with Amy. Oh, she's a doctor. If you love Bridgerton, you will love this painting. because here we see a society mama with her two daughters who went on to become very, very popular deputants. Basically, she goes into all the cool bits about history and shit you'd never know. So this is your shit scrolling. This is my shit scrolling. Your toilet joy. This is my record set. My toilet joy is historywithamy on Instagram. I like that record. And it's things like there was one about Elizabeth I, why her face like rotted basically from the inside out due to the certain makeup that she was using.

30:30Anna Williamson:Honestly, it's all about like Victorian STIs. It's all about multi-shaggers in the Tudor times. It's like myth-busting all the juicy bits of history. So executions and all that shit. I have followed her. So enjoy, guys. Enjoy. There you go. Okay. Bit of an educational one today from me. Less educational, more vanity from me. So I have always, right, had acrylic nails. And since I've been in Dubai, I've been getting biab. Ditto, baby. And I just want to say, like, my real nails are basically this long now. Yeah, so good, aren't they? And I always bit my nails. And now I get biab. Wow. And I'm healthier than ever.

31:08So what is biab?

31:09Anna Williamson:Well, I'm not really sure because it's like a gel. I've got biab as well. It's like a gel but super hard. So you kind of, it's like. It's sort of like acrylic, I think. Yeah, it is like an acrylic. But apparently it's better for you. But yeah, you stick it under the little, you know, the little infrared heater-y thing. Yeah. So like you do with shellac, but it's harder. It's harder. harder and thick so look it looks like i've got acrylics but i haven't they're quite thick quite thick yeah i've got them on too because mine are so short and stubby it's like acrylic but that is now like and obviously i need infills so what happens if you need to like shorter like cut your nails you just you just don't you treat them like acrylics you go back in and they can infill or take them off can you file them down yeah yeah you could i could file them myself okay i would say my normal gels only last me a week these last about three or four they last for ages and if you've got like so i have always bitten my nails it's my worst habit i i can't crack it i tried for my whole life yeah it's really awful the way i bite my nails if i don't have nails on but with this biab on so the acrylic i even bite off well i don't bite the biab off you can't you can't i pick my horrible habit is picking up gels yeah and my own nails have now grown like for the first time in my life obviously it's under the biab and if i didn't have the biab on i would bite my nails but i like can't bite them and i just have them infilled you know and it's just apparently it's better for your nails and honestly like it's been life-changing and my nails are growing so much more quickly look at the growth on that i only had them done like two weeks ago i have to have my nails done every two weeks so i love this i ditch acrylic and get biab biab yeah i need to go into old UK nails and tell them that I'm now having Biab.

32:52Anna Williamson:And it was the one I do up the road from there that converted me to that. Oh really? You're coming in here an awful lot and I was like I know I'm filming so I keep needing my nails doing need to look nicer but I keep picking off my acrylics and they were like get your builder get your Biab. Yeah and now your nails will grow and grow. Much better. Much better. Nice actually your colour. I like that. Let me have a look. My nails are horrible. Maybe I should go to your one then if they're Biab. Little chrome. I like that. You need infilce as well. I thought you had them done. I did. After lunch. No, I didn't.

33:22Anna Williamson:That was my pedicure. Oh, yeah, because look. We could go together. Can you get biab on your toes? Yeah. Yeah. Oh. I think I have shellac on my toes, though. I don't bother, because you do pay more money for it. Shellac lasts for 17 ,000 years on your toes. It does. Yeah. Well, I bite my toenails sometimes. No, you don't. Ew. Do you? You sit there like... I know, it's really bad. Really? You're like my little elf. She does that. Stop it. Yeah, I do. Like a little shrimp. Yeah. Basically, I pick and then I start biting my own toenails. How gross is that? That's a confession. It's a good confession.

33:56I shouldn't include this.

33:57Anna Williamson:I've never told anyone this, but I bite my toenails, Lou. Is that really gross? Well, I don't... Well, it's when I'm picking... I talked about drinking toilet water last week. It's when I'm picking and then I can't quite get in there and I just go for a little nosh. Interesting. Actually, I have to be honest. if you can't quite get that little spiky bit and if you can get down there I can just get down there you can just about nosh it off yourself I wish I could actually nosh myself off if you could go down on yourself 100 % I think isn't that the ultimate you would probably get cramped though there's probably a porno out there with someone noshing themselves off somewhere Now we all know what my internet history is going to be.

34:48Anna Williamson:In what's your record? Love it, Lou. Love it. We've got history. We've got a nail. We've got what, Imo? It's... I don't know whether I should do this, but I am obsessed with it. It's a podcast. Don't promote another podcast. But you're already listening to this podcast if you're hearing me talk about this podcast. Yeah, go on. It's a limited series. Oh, yeah, go on. It's called Beth's Dead. Oh, go on. As in the name Beth, apostrophe S, dead. and it's interesting to me because i make a podcast and it's kind of about a podcast so basically kind of is it true yeah so there's this lady who works on a podcast and she listens to her favorite podcast and that her favorite podcast suddenly stopped one day and she didn't really know why it had stopped and then she ended up being friends with the makers of this podcast and she was asking them why it stopped and stuff.

35:41And essentially in the podcast, they would answer people's advice and stuff. The general gist. Yeah. And the lady of the couple, not only would they reply to the emails on the podcast, but she would also get into like email conversations with them and reply to them actually on the email. The host. Yeah. And would end up having these almost like little relationships, kind of knowing what's going on in their lives through email. And then, so there's one lady called Beth who would write into her podcast with her dilemma and it kind of went over a few different, like a few months and there was updates and stuff from her talking about this dilemma and they would talk about it on the podcast, but yeah, she would be having a conversation with her on email as well.

36:23And then they got an email from Beth's brother saying, hello, just wanted to let you know, you seem quite close, Beth has died by suicide and I wanted to know if you had any inclination to talk to me about what's been going on. And then things go all wrong and squiffy and weird and there's like a mystery element to it. And it's just very interesting. And it's true. And it's true.

36:50Anna Williamson:Love that. So the podcast host didn't die? No. So why did they stop the pod? Because of what happened after that. And I don't want to give too much away, but it's really interesting. series yeah so it's about like eight ten episodes listen to that I binged it in like three days did you and how long is each app I can make these no that is quite longer probably like 40 45 minutes I listen to it on a car journey no it's really interesting and sometimes you know what I mean obviously guys you can go listen much of the back cataloging sometimes you just want something a little bit of a different genre it's due I love that I love that it's a good pod I don't listen to that many podcasts because it feels like work to me so when there's one that's really good how did you hear about this?

37:38I was recommended it on TikTok and I thought I'm going to give it a go

37:42Anna Williamson:Beth's dead okay good recommendation so it's all about parasocial relationships and power dynamics and podcasting I'm also going to download that and actually really interestingly one of our Luanna listeners slid into my DMs the other day going hey here's a podcast I think you might like and it was Beth's dead and I was like well funnily enough I thought I'd just finished it. It was a sign. So, yeah, that's why I'm looking. Do you know what? I always like to find a nice podcast as well that's not sweary. Because if I listen, because in the car, if I've got the kids in the car and I like to put one on, you know, I need to make sure it's a bit PG.

38:13Anna Williamson:Yeah. So this sounds perfect. Yeah, it's really interesting. How do I download then? What do you mean? Press, oh, download. I've downloaded it now. Well, I would love to be a post. So we have a podcast, we have a beauty product, and we have an Instagram history profile. That is this week's Recoseco. Right, on to messages now. A message from Lara. Hey, Luanna, love the pod and I've been a listener for a long time now. In fact, I've caught up on all the episodes Apple allows me to see on their app. So yes, Anna, I've been back and listened. Well done. You get a gold star from me, you little beauty.

38:50Anna Williamson:Anyways, I've just been catching up on an episode where you discussed trial by jury and magistrates. Oh, yes. Yes, I remember this. I'm a former law lecturer here, so I just thought I'd share my thoughts. I'm really curious about this. Louisa questioned why juries are to be blamed for the backlog. Oh, Louisa questioned our juries to blame for the backlog. Essentially, as these are lay people, everything has to be explained to them. Oh, I see. Yes, as they're not legal experts. So it takes longer. There are times when the jury has to leave the court to whilst questions are posed to the judge. In addition, juries take hours to deliberate.

39:30Anna Williamson:And absolutely, you'd hope that they'd be taking the decision making seriously. But time is of the essence to judges are legally trained, understand precedent and are likely to make the decision quicker. However, of course, this risks harsh decisions as judges are case hardened. That's very true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a bit disassociated maybe. The reality is we used to have juries in civil cases and now this is practically non-existent. Juries were far too generous in the amount of damages they'd award to claimants. Well, I agree that trial by jury is a really important concept. It dates back to the Magna Carta in 1215, but so many juries make their decisions based on whether they like people flipping a coin or they simply do not understand their role.

40:12Anna Williamson:This is so interesting, babe. I'm loving this message. There was a case of Young where the jury used an Ouija board to contact the dead victim. Stop it. No, to ask if the defendant on trial did murder them. Yes, that really happened. Stop. That's crazy. But imagine like how you get, how one person is like, I think we should do a Ouija board to decide this. And then you have to convince like 11 other people to do the Ouija board. I mean, I mean. That's wild. Yeah, that's absolutely crazy. Also, in the world of social media, lots of jury members base their own decision from posts they see on like, well this is it you see this not unbiased is it this is incredibly dangerous and not admissible evidence my final point and this is blunt a lot of the uk population aren't that clever i agree and so the likelihood of them not understanding the law is quite high another reason for them being removed in civil courts as the law is generally too complicated certainly tax concerns without making this too lengthy yes magistrates now represent a better cross-section of society lots of women.

41:13Anna Williamson:However, these people are working for free and so it is only those in society who can afford to work for free who complete this type of type. That's what I said to you about... Yeah, exactly. Feeding into middle upper class or a concern for age as only retired people can do. Out of the entire bench, magistrates have the best representation of BAME too. Anna was correct. A lot of training is completed prior to their appointment, mentoring alongside and they're supported by someone who is legally qualified, a justices clerk. Yeah, the support they get, I know, is huge. But you are getting middle to upper class people that don't have to work.

41:47Anna Williamson:Yes, but you are getting a good representation of BAME as well, which is also good, so a diverse section of people. So there is as much as you can. But they're still of a certain, you know, wealth to be able to not work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As a majority, yes. Either way, you can't win. But thankfully, hadn't planned on committing any crimes, so hopefully this won't affect me. Hopefully it's not too boring. No, I've loved this. And feel free if you ever want me to send any funny cases. Yes, we do. My students used to love the case of Cheeseman. What's Cheeseman? I don't know. We want the case of Cheeseman, babe.

42:20Anna Williamson:We do. We want the case of Cheeseman, Lara. Yeah, love from Lara. That was really interesting. Thank you for that. We love it when a proper profesh can come and qualify what we've said. So thank you. That is really interesting. We've got another message now from Manon. So you're Eileen Dover. Hi, Lianna. Well, firstly, thank you both so much for the hours of laughter, light relief and escapism you provide, especially on the harder days. Your pod has genuinely been such a comfort to me recently. If you do read this, please keep me a non. I'm not entirely sure what I'm hoping to get from writing in.

42:53Maybe just a sounding board, maybe some reassurance or maybe a bit of perspective from people who aren't emotionally knee deep in it all. Either way, buckle in. We're in. I'm a mum of two gorgeous little boys. The eldest is five. He is autistic and pre-verbal. and my youngest is too full of life, chaos and personality. I work full time from home and my husband also works full time. He's in the forces. We live about 30 minutes away from our nearest family member and while I know that doesn't sound far compared to some situations, when everyone around you also works full time, it really limits what kind of village you actually have.

43:29Support feels very thin on the ground. Although we've been relatively lucky in that my husband hasn't been away for long extended periods, There have been countless stints of two or three weeks at a time, often at short notice. On top of that, there are frequent work evenings, last minute commitments and trips framed as training that still leave me holding together everything at home. Lately, I've been really struggling with our family dynamic. I feel like I'm constantly last on the list. I'm the one who cancels work events, rearranges plans with friends or drops anything I've organised for myself because his job has to come first.

44:01It just is relentless. To add to that, my elders will only stay with one family member who is becoming less available, which I completely understand. She has her own job, responsibilities and life to manage. But it means childcare options are incredibly limited and it all falls back on me. But these are my kids, so can I even complain? Right now I feel exhausted and trapped. The kids aren't getting on. I find myself wondering things I've never thought I would. Would splitting them up help? What if I get some breathing room? Would I finally get time to exist as more than just a mum or am I just angry and burnt out?

44:35I feel like I resent my husband and I resent the circumstances we're in. He has offered to leave the forces but I can't bring myself to be the person who says yes, give up your career for us. That feels like too much to carry. We've argued, we've talked calmly, we've gone through periods of barely talking at all. I don't know how many times I can say the words I feel trapped before they really land. I don't know how many ways I can explain that I'm drowning. I love my children I don't hate my husband he's a good man an incredible dad but I feel invisible worn down and stuck in survival mode with no clear end in sight I suppose I'm just asking how do you cope when you feel like you've lost yourself completely how do you stop the resentment from taking over thank you for reading and thank you again for being such a bright spot in so many people's weeks

45:20Anna Williamson:oh you poor thing I think we can totally hear how burnt out you are my first thing I wanted to suggest is because this feels like it's an impossible situation to fix so i think it's it's a case of what can you add in to kind of create a bit of breathing space it sounds like you're just so fucking overwhelmed that everything feels like complete rat shit now what the thing i'm just gonna forgive me for going my phone a minute i want to find this resource for you um you mentioned your little ones autistic and pre-verbal that's really hard being a parent of a send child is really really difficult and I would and you I'm noticing you don't have a support network so what there are lots of amazing charities and I'm just trying to find one that's that's near us that I know of just to see if it's if it's a national thing or just where I am but if you ask your GP or your local children's services or whatever for extra resources so for example so we're based in Hertfordshire so there's an amazing chat maybe you could even call these people yeah so in Hertfordshire it's a brilliant charity uh called space so space as in space space Hertfordshire okay this is specifically an association an organization which helps parents of autistic children and it gives family support and the children support it's brilliant the resources are phenomenal um the support groups are amazing the the support for the family um support for the children there's different workshops courses there is crucially time to have offload and so you can claim some time back for yourself um so i want you to have a look at that maybe even bex could put it on um our uh instagram um so you can book now and to go on for a free appointment and a helpline so i really help this is helpful one-to-one helping understand your child's needs but creating family plans of action that work within your relationships essentially designed to give fucked knackered parents that don't know some space that's what hence called space so go to space heart for cheer um and see if they can maybe help you um find your community that can help just take some of that load um because i know that you know send parents parents that you know that have children that that perhaps don't kind of that aren't typical can feel really isolated and it can affect relationships so much i've got some friends of ours that are dealing with very complex children and they're a really great couple but christ the cracks in their relationship just because it's so stressful dealing with children with needs so that's where i would first of all send you to get some support they're hoping the ricochet effect might just take the pressure yeah you can dilute the yeah i think as well oh look i've got croissant all over my chair lovely i'm just gonna have another little look see if i can find another one for so i think that also you do you do resent your husband because you feel like he's got all the freedom and at the same time like your husband has said and offered to leave the forces and I think if you want to save the relationship like maybe you do need a big change maybe a change like that wouldn't be a bad thing and I know that you say oh you don't want him to give up your career for you but it wouldn't be giving up a career it would just be making a change within a career to perhaps another industry where he can be more present.

48:45Or a backroom job, whatever you call it. Yeah, I think that sometimes you do need a big change like that in order to save things because all that will happen is if you keep going on and he'll be feeling like, well, what more can I do? Like I've offered to totally give up my career and change things for the sake of our family. You've said no. So he's probably thinking, well, what more can I do than that? Like I've offered to make such a big change to try and be more present. You've batted that one down, but you still feel resentful. You're still saying you feel invisible and worn down. So I actually think maybe you do need a big change like that.

49:21Perhaps you need a career change that takes you out of the house and puts you in an office as well so that you get some interaction that's not just your husband and your children. Because, okay, everybody bleats on always about working from home and how much people love it. A lot of people don't like working from home. It can be lonely. It can be isolating. You're just emailing or talking on the phone. your actual interaction with humans all of that coffee you know coffee machine talk or yes i do think to be honest that you perhaps should look at making big changes and you know like seeing about your careers and how you can how you can adjust that because the problem is when you stay in the same situation you're not happy with it's never going to get better like things aren't going to miraculously change if you're if nothing does change yeah you have to actually change to have change you know and it's all I'm a massive advocate for being like if you don't like something change it and I am very shoot from the hip on that like I'm very I don't think about things my husband doesn't either and that sometimes well it has been touch wood to great success for both of us our attitudes of not deliberating and not going over and over things it's just not the way that we function but if it was me I'd be like yeah this needs to change and just pluck up the courage and make the change because otherwise nothing will change you can go on and on about it you can drive yourself mad you can go around in circles in your head but I think you need to bite the bull by the horns and say this is actually how I'm feeling if things don't change where do you see your relationship it's probably going to be over because the resentment will grow so much and then you'll be without you'll be with even less support because chances are the kids are going to end up with you because of your situation with work and your husband's situation with work so I just feel like you know say to him yeah I do think you need to change jobs or you change your job to change your situation yeah

51:20Anna Williamson:change has to happen because I think staying in this I think what was absolutely clear is staying in this situation isn't going to go anywhere well it's not going to go anywhere you're just going to keep you're going to stay on this hamster wheel of feeling stuck but you have to be the one that steps off the wheel and properly put things into action. And you'll be surprised how easy... I mean, we've had great stories on this podcast. One story that really sticks out to me is a lady that wrote in to us about her job and then we... I don't know what we said to her, but whatever we said, and then she gave us an update and she said, I did it.

51:56And she ended up on 100 grand a year and just, you know, nothing will change unless you take the steps to change it and no one's going to do it for you.

52:04Anna Williamson:And change is scary. But I live by the rule as well. with my life you know when one door closes another one opens you know and change is scary for a lot of people but typically if you yeah facing forward the whole time you're going to make things better I think you're at a point where it's like could it get any worse for you right now it sounds like probably not because well it could because your relationship could break up exactly and then you're really exactly so I think and that's why I think there really is no choice but to go forward you You need more support, my love. You need more support around your parenting, I think, particularly as you are solo parenting a lot.

52:40Anna Williamson:Good luck. Okay, good luck. Yeah, please update us. Yeah. Next up, message from Anonymous. So Scarlet Nipple Flash. This is going to be good, girls. Hi, girls. I've got a story about a very traumatic event involving my now not so loved cat. Oh. Oh. Imo, please give one of your porn star names. You've done well, Nip. Nip. Nip. Nip. I'm going to call you Nip from now on. So I had just got home from a lovely two-week holiday in Japan with my husband. I would totally recommend Japan, by the way. Oh, desperate to go to Japan. It's on the bucket list. Have you been there, Em? No, I'd like to. Oh, I'm desperate to go.

53:15Anna Williamson:It's Alex and me. When we can ditch the kids, we want to go to Japan. But we were very jet-lagged and absolutely knackered when we got home. As we walked through the front door, the stench of cat piss filled our nostrils. If you have cats, you will know that cat piss fucking stinks. Yes, I do. And yes, it does. so we walk into the living room and our one cat Nugget was lying limp on the rug next to a pile of his shit I've run over it just reminded me Teddy did a poo in the tray this morning I didn't clean it up I forgot about that Alex would notice why doesn't he shit outside he does but we keep him in at night it's very rare for him to do a night time shit he'd have a night time shit Yeah, it's unusual.

54:03Anna Williamson:Sorry, just reminded that one. I might just message a bit. Have you cleared that shit out of the tray, Babs? Anyway, so Nugget was lying limp on the rug next to his pile of shit. I run over thinking he's dead and he's all lethargic and shitty and pissy. Oh no, this would literally break me. So we all roll up. So we roll up the Dutty Rug? Dirty Rug? Dutty Rug. The Dutty Rug. The Dutty Pig. Yeah, and it goes straight into the bin. Turns out my mother-in-law hadn't bought the gut-sensitive cat biscuits. No! That our fat cat needs. And had previously poisoned him. Briefly poisoned him. He was sick and shortly recovered.

54:39Anna Williamson:So thank goodness. And we moved on. I thought that was the end of it. So rug in the bin. But I can still smell the piss. And I was like, where the F is this coming from? So I go into our bedroom and there is a wee on the duvet and all soaked in. So that's straight in the bin next to the rug. Then I tried to nap. But I was too tired to sleep and I could still smell the wee. At this point, I'm crying because I'm so tired and everything just smells of cat piss. My husband tells me it's fine. Love this. So I tell him to fuck off. And we have a brief argument about how it absolutely is not fine. But anyway, I digress.

55:18Anna Williamson:Can I just say I love that insight into your life, into your marriage. She just wants to sleep. Fuck off. She smells piss. Love that. So I decide to have a break and watch TV. And as I do, our other cat, Kevin, bloody great name, by the way. Kevin. Climbs onto a box with his toys in, in the corner of the room, and then does a piss on it. I was like, hun, what the F? I jump up to stop him. But as I run across the living room, hardwood floor, by the way, I run across a bit of mopped floor where the pissy rug was. I slip on the damp floor, land on my arse, accidentally boot Kevin as I go down. And due to my weak pelvic floor, I wee as well.

55:58Anna Williamson:Oh, my God. Kevin's got a boot up the arse. She's slashed herself. She's hurting her own piss. So now I've sat on the floor in my wee. Kevin has done a wee all over his tommies. There's wee everywhere. And now I'm crying again. My wet leggings have been thrown into the washing machine unknowingly about to be joined with half the items in our... So now we've established that Kevin is the culprit and he has performed a dirty protest. And this is where it all comes to light. He has pissed fucking everywhere. I wonder why that's so weird for a cat. If he's a Tom, I don't know if he's on heat. I don't know.

56:36Anna Williamson:I'm talking rug, duvet, mattress. Kevin's pissed all over. Cuvée in the spare bed, dressing gown on the spare bed, clothes meant for vintage, tote bag, handbag, sofa cushions times two, carpet about a thousand. Bathmat, bathmat, Kevin, what are you doing, man? A number of these items are in the bin and my washing machine has been on overdrive on a 90 degree wash. It's now four days later. We have a special enzyme cleaner that has been sprayed just about everywhere and the washing machine is starting to recover along with myself and my husband. the faint smell of wee forever being on those so we're now looking for a new why has Kevin done this?

57:16Anna Williamson:and we're now looking for a new house and this makes you laugh more than it made me cry I've just got this impression of her slipping on some water kicking Kevin up the arse and then absolutely wetting herself funny why is Kevin suddenly pissed everywhere? maybe he was angry that they left for two weeks cats are so Teddy will give me proper stink. If I've left Teddy for a while to go away somewhere, I get the proper like, fuck you, don't come near me, feed me, bitch, and I will only come back to you in about maybe two days when I want attention. You can go screw yourself if you want to cuddle me.

57:56Anna Williamson:Really? Cats are very smart creatures. Dogs get the hump too. Yeah, they do. Crumble does it. When I'd been skiing for two weeks and then I got home, Crumble was so excited to see me. He was like climbing up me and licking me. This is probably the cutest dog I've ever bloody seen in my life. He is such a sweet puppy. I really am missing Crumble. Remember, if you want to get in touch, email us, Luanna at everythingluanna.com. Or you can drop us a WhatsApp. 075-215-64640. One day we will stop ourselves from pausing before we get into that. It's just going to flow. Yeah, that's how we know it's bedded in.

58:36This is really interesting, this news story. Go on. So this goes against the grain, actually, of what Australia have done and some other European country. I think it might have been Sweden. I don't know. But I'm sure a European country. Anyway, basically, MPs in England have rejected a call for under-16s social media ban, backing more flexible powers. So Australia went for this social media ban for under-16s, and England have fucked that one off. So this would have been a ban on sites like TikTok, Instagram and Snapchat. That ban was brought in for children in Australia at the end of last year, and Australia was the first country to impose a ban, and similar plans were backed by peers in the House of Lords in January this year.

59:24Supporters for this included Hugh Grant. He was really funny on socials. Yeah, really, really vocal and really fun.

59:31Anna Williamson:Because he's got two kids, like, yeah, about this sort of 11-ish age. Oh, I see. He's got quite young kids. Yeah, he was really funny, actually. Really candid. Critics, which included the NSPCC, warned of young people driven to dark corners of the internet as a result, potentially, of the ban. Conservatives said there was an emergency and ministers should legislate to protect children, which I 100 % agree with. The Lib Dems said failure to commit to a ban was simply not good enough. opponents included the father of Molly Russell, who took her own life at 14 after viewing harmful content online.

1:00:07He said the government should focus on robust enforcement of existing laws. So plans for the ban were put forward as suggested changes to the Children's Wellbeing and Schools Bill. But in the Commons, the Education Minister, Olivia Bailey, urged MPs to dismiss the change and support more flexible restrictions. She said, many parents and campaign groups have called for an outright ban on social media for under 16s. Others, including children's charities, have warned that a blanket ban could drive children towards less regulated corners of the Internet or leave teenagers unprepared when they do come online.

1:00:45that is why last week the government launched a consultation to seek views to help shape our next steps and ensure children can grow up with a safer healthier and more enriching relationship with the world online i'm sorry but i've never heard anything more fucking fluffy in my life what do you mean i just think fucking ban it sort out the shit of the dark areas of the internet should all come from the government and it should all be centralized and when you are 16 you are mentally more able to deal with things it's not about you know we go on and on about you've got to prepare children for this they're not fucking emotionally or mentally stable or able to prepare them for that your brain changes as you get older and you become an adult so i think it should be banned doing all this bullshit fucking taking consultations and doing this and doing that somebody just has to go this is unhealthy for our children it's been proved to be unhealthy it's affecting everything it affects their education their emotional regulation their ability to form emotional relationships interpersonal relationships we have a whole generation of people that can't even don't even want to talk to a waitress or a waiter in a in a restaurant and order face to face because their heads are stuck in their phones we have a whole nation of children at dixie's age who can't i mean i'm lucky with dixie actually she's very good at speaking but some of her friends aren't they've got no confidence and it's because of the phones so instead of taking consultation and talking to this person fucking grab the ball by the horns ban it take it right back to zero and then build upon it but i think trying to scale

1:02:27Anna Williamson:back so do you but do you do so would you suggest then um because i'm with you but i think for but what i'm always interested is in the nuance i just well well but i think it's important to look at nuance on it because what they're saying is the outright bank because i'm with you i'm very much supportive of um there's a lot of this smartphone free childhood you know i've signed up to it as well i think we all recognize it as parents but what they were saying at the nspcc i do subscribe to and it's not and it's not fluffy it's if you don't give any run-up to anything it's like sex education if you say to a child at 16 right we're not going to tell you anything about sex we're not going to teach you about consent your body at 16 you are now legally there's a big tick that says you can go and fuck everyone you like but you've got no idea how to emotionally prepare for it sexually prepare for it consent contraception that is irresponsible so what i do think personally and i'm with you i think there's a fine line between fluffy but also then being sensible and looking at there's going from zero to 100 and where is the sensible compromise in the middle to say, which is what I'm hearing there, correct me if I'm wrong if I've heard it wrong, is the outright ban is not an absolute no.

1:03:41Anna Williamson:It's a can we look at some good robust restrictions to put the stabilizers on it. But you're starting at 100 and trying to bring it back to 50. Personally, my view, if this was me, I would take it to zero and then build up to 50 instead of trying to scale back. Because the horse is bolted, you've got no fucking control. And actually, the whole thing with sex education, we have more of a problem now with consent than we did way back when we were in school. But statistically through education of teaching that younger and younger and younger is proven to reduce teenage pregnancies, reduce it, it becomes much more informed.

1:04:22Anna Williamson:And that has been proven in our European friends that by, and I'm a big subscriber, it's not for everybody. My kids go to a Catholic school. Some people really do disagree with me on that and say, no I think learning about education from uh from you know the age of five is wrong for me it's all about age appropriate but again I look at the research I love you know for me I love to look into the research that says why and I like to just unpick it a little bit more and go okay because it can be absolute because I'm with you originally well I and I am the whole smartphone bar and I wish we could just throw a phone in a fucking river quite honestly and my son never have to pick up I'm addicted to my phone it's terrible but I think at the same time but I think at the same time we have to recognize but but at the same time i think and this is from my work as a children's counselor it's not going to go away they are a children of a digital age they're always going to have it now so i do subscribe to and say you girls know about it with me and enzo with his gaming do i want to sit there on it with him no i fucking don't i find it dull as dishwater and i wish he'd go and you know bounce a basketball around you know which he does as well but also So at the same time, do I want to protect him as much as I possibly can?

1:05:27Anna Williamson:Yes. So then it's I'm having to find that compromise on on restrictions around it. So that to the point, I guess what I'm hearing from there is when they are able to go and do it on their own, they have at least been taught. So they're mentally in a different place. Like if you just scroll down here and just come back up for me. Yeah, that is fair. Conservative shadow education secretary, Laura Trott, pressed the government to put an age limit on. and she said polling shows 40 % of children have shown explicit content during the school day. So she wants to ban phones in schools. I agree with that.

1:05:57I completely agree with that. You do not need your phone when you're at school. But isn't that quite common now though? She said this is happening right now. This is an emergency. No more guidance, no more consultations. Legislate and do something about it. And that's absolutely how I feel.

1:06:11Anna Williamson:But is it, I assume it's down to the individual school. It's down to the school. Does Dixie School have a no ban policy? Yeah, they take the phones. But the kids get around it. They have dummy phones, you know. So they'll hand in an old iPhone. It's bullshit. Or they actually just buy a dummy phone. So to the point on that, though, so if we ban it, I'm not for or against any of this, but I'm just throwing out healthy debate. But if we ban it, is that not then, as they've suggested, kids will always find a way. My son is the master of espionage. If I say no, you can't do it, they'll find a way.

1:06:42But I think it's because there's a lack of respect for legislation and law here. You know, you come back to this whole willy-nilly, mamby-pamby, airy-fairy attitude that we seem to have to not respecting what the law says here. You know, this goes on to say parents like me are locked in a daily battle that they simply cannot will alone. You're fighting platforms that have been specifically designed to keep children hooked, like Roblox, like Minecraft. As a pharmacist, if a drug were causing such measurable harm for 78 % of people, it would be withdrawn, reformulated or placed behind a counter with strict controls on who could access it.

1:07:17we would act because that is what the evidence demanded and the same logic must apply here. We have an identifiable source, overwhelming evidence of harm and we have the power to act and they won't act. It just is wild to me because nobody is the person that wants to say this is what we're fucking doing and we're doing it now.

1:07:37Anna Williamson:Do we know how Australia is getting on with this ban? I wonder if there's been any research, any anecdotes or any data that's come out of Australia having imposed this. and how generally it's being felt by people there as well. I'm sure that there are kids in Australia under 16 that have found a way around it and they're all still on it and stuff. I think to your point as well, I think it helps us parents and I think I speak purely as a parent here on this one that I would love more legislation to come into place to help me out. It empowers you as a parent. Because my parents do listen to the rules.

1:08:11Anna Williamson:They do listen to the law. They are shit scared of it because that's how we've brought them up. So if I say to them, and actually, quite honestly, guys, I lie anyway to them. I say, you can't play that after that time because that's what the law says. All right, then. The minute I say that, they do listen to it. But I think the challenge is, because it is so airy-fairy at the moment, and there is no clear guidance and clear guideline on it, the minute you get them into school, anything happens. I mean, we lose our kids for eight hours a day, and we don't know what conversations they're having, what they're doing, and where they're going with it.

1:08:44Anna Williamson:And I know even to say, I'm really feeling it with Enzo at the moment. You know, he is really becoming very switched on. He is very influenced by older boys at school. They're all good kids. And that's, but this is the thing. That's the thing. They're all really lovely children from lovely homes, lovely parents with good boundaries. Yeah, but it's what they get there. Exactly. But the curiosity is there and they want to push the boundaries. And look, guys, it ain't easy. Like I say, God, do I want that responsibility? No. But I think that really is the only way of being able to get a grip on this is that parents people of authority teachers all working together to make this happen it's hard though isn't it because like yeah how do you know as a parent what your 16 year old is accessing on his phone when he's at school for eight hours a day like you don't which comes to my point of i as much as i would love it to be as simple as a blanket ban i don't think practically that is a real helpful solution in the sense that it's like taking a kid out of a bunker and going there off you go you've got no guidelines you know i just disagree i don't think it is i just don't think that they need to be exposed to it at a young age and the more we give to the kids at a young age like more and more so the like the kids are just growing up before their time and we have so many problems because of it well should the onus be on these social media platforms yes it should regulating their content yeah but they need to legislate for that they need to but i if it was me i would do a total ban on social media for under 16s like okay maybe even if that's temporary just to press pause take it back to zero if those social media platforms want to have those users on on their platforms you have to before you set up a profile and it's very simple we do it for banking apps there's no reason why the likes of snapchat and instagram can't do it you need to go online you enter your information you have to upload your passport information and upload that child's passport information and then that is then approved with a selfie it's very easy i set up a starling bank account the other week it took an hour i upload my passport i upload a selfie that is me and that's my digital identity and you know why not do that well it should be on snapchat it It should be on Instagram.

1:11:00It should be on TikTok. And if they don't do that, they should be penalised by the government and they should be accountable for what the kids are seeing. Strict regulation. And adults should have to do that. I wouldn't have a problem uploading my... I wouldn't either. And why wouldn't we have a problem? Because we don't do anything fucking wrong. That's why all the people that moan about digital identity and there's all this uproar about it, why do you fucking care about it? You've all got a passport anyway. The government knows who you are. Do you know what I mean? Oh, we've all got an NHS number.

1:11:32Do you know what I mean? We've all got national insurance. It's bullshit, all this stuff about the digital identity. It's absolute bollocks. Because you're right. They know who you are. They've known who the hell you are since the minute you were born. And you got born in that NHS hospital, even if you had your kids privately, our kids private, they still have an NHS number. You're on the fucking system anyway. They're in the matrix. So why do you care so much and so against this digital identity? They're doing it to protect you, not to spy on you. They're doing it to try and create some kind of law and order in a community that is so drastically and so quickly becoming so free and lawless.

1:12:10You can't have a society like that.

1:12:12Anna Williamson:But that's how everyone then can be accountable and be held accountable for their actions. Would you have a problem with the digital identity on TikTok if they had your... No. But also I think that proving that you're 16 to get on a platform is one thing. But then the people on that platform should also be moderating the content. The content that you'll see. Exactly that. And there should be instant. Because the harmful content on there is rife. Rife. And people flag it. I don't really go on TikTok. It's bad. But again, would people be uploading harmful content if blanket, everybody had to upload who they were and if everybody To upload anything?

1:12:57I think on any I personally if it was me Because then that content can come back to you because they have your identity Yes, everybody who has any profile on any social media platform should be made to verify that with photographic photo ID and verify it with a photo ID and a selfie You'd get rid of trolling

1:13:17Anna Williamson:You'd get rid of harmful content You'd get rid of paedophile stuff And then you become a blanket ban if you flout the rules on it you're just blanket banned off the platform. You're just not allowed to. It's a very simple process but the likes of Snapchat, TikTok they don't want to do it because they make money and it's dirty fucking money and they shouldn't be allowed to make it and they should you know and then I don't know that's what I would do and I don't know why the government don't do it. There's obviously powers that be that it's the money I know. But it's dirty fucking money and that's what people are saying now about Mark Zuckerberg like how how they make all this harmful content and they're profiting of it they're fucking poisoning our minds and our children's minds and we're the one you know them making all this money and then the society is suffering because I think we all need to come offline more and do more real life shit I know I've certainly been doing that more recently very addictive I'm constantly picking up my phone looking at it you need to put it in a phone phone jail yeah it's a reflex yeah and it's it is a crush I do actually honestly when I go home I've had to tell Alex off about it I mean I know I have my little my little late night scrolls but actually when I get in now with the kids I don't I put it away in a different room so good off and I do not touch it I do not touch it because I just distract I'm a shit parent as a result of it my kids get half of my time it's not fair on them I can't be moaning about other people not putting their weight if I'm not putting my weight as a parent and I do think we all need to be more disciplined around our tech We're all guilty as well about thinking people should be available 24-7.

1:14:51I do it. I'll message you two in our group chat about a work thing at 10 at night. Agent Sam fucking pings off. She WhatsApps to tell you that she sent a fucking email. But that's on people's boundaries.

1:15:03Anna Williamson:I don't reply if I'm offline. I don't reply. I just reply when I'm online. Then I reply. When something's constantly pinging and pinging and pinging and if you're busy. so we're all guilty of that as well you know we should be more respectful definitely of the times that we message about things like work and stuff because everybody's just so available now but you're right it's not healthy but you're right if I ever message on a worky thing on a weekend to someone I will always apologise for messaging on a Saturday or on a Sunday but then should you even message it on a Saturday well and that's why you're doing it then because you're thinking of it and I like that I'm reactive and I'm not having a go at you but I do it and I'm like oh this is on my mind I'm going to say it.

1:15:43And then I'm so sorry. I'm just saying this. You don't need to reply. And that's what you say. Fucking put it in your notes. And then do it on the Monday. And send it on a Monday morning. Yeah, be all right. I am guilty of doing it.

1:15:52Anna Williamson:I'm guilty of going, sorry to bother you on a Saturday. Please don't read this till Monday. But, but as you say, all that sun is pinging that people's psyche. And you're right. I think we should. And that's on us. It's on us. We should all go back to more disciplined hours around usage. The world used to work before iPhones and you'd have your work email and you put your out of office on and you'd do your out of office when you're at work at your desk you would close your laptop you would not take that laptop on holiday and you would go on holiday for a week and guess what, the world didn't fucking end and you had a holiday and now you don't even get the privilege of that and it's actually it really is bad for society and I think only now we're starting to realise this 20 years later I remember having to go into the hotel lobby like once and log on.

1:16:44Anna Williamson:Do you remember when you used to go to a hotel and they had like a computer? And I used to go in there and then clunkily go into my search engine to check my email. But that's what you did. And actually, I quite like that. Now, I sit on a sun lounger and I'm scrolling and an email comes in and I respond. Back in the day, I'd sit on that lounger, I'd read my book, I'd be in the moment. And you're right, you're right. We're our own worst enemies. We are, we are. We really are. And we're all guilty of it. But what we don't want to do is we know that damage that's been done so why are we even passing that on to the next generation there's already research that shows literally it's dixie's age group she's 16 in a couple of months it's her age group that have been damaged the most and i am determined i have just bought the kids ipads and i recognize that but there's i'm very strict with that now and they are loving it because now they've got access to their little friends that they haven't spoken to because we've to a different country and stuff.

1:17:38But, you know, we have a responsibility to not make the same mistake with Enzo's age, Elle's age, Indy's age and Clemmie's age that I have made with Dixie. And I have made a mistake with Dixie by giving her a phone in year seven and allowing her Snapchat. That's on me. And now I know not to do that with the next ones. But I wouldn't blame you for that because when... Didn't know. At the time... Well, we didn't know. No, we didn't know. I don't think Snapchat was a thing.

1:18:07Anna Williamson:hindsight's a wonderful thing and see but you Lou you did everything that everybody else has done doing but yeah good chats what do you think Lufanians we'd love to know if you have anything really good to add to this conversation and debate it's Luanna at everythingluanna.com maybe you're even in the government and you want to give us some tea I'd love to know give us some tea guys I want to know people's opinions about the digital idea as well because there's uproar about that here right it's time for It's the Weirdo of the Week Right, first up, anonymous So, Diffney Is that deliberately? Diffney It is deliberately Diffney Diffney, right, okay, I have a Weirdo of the Week I don't really know if it's weird or not But I haven't heard it happen to anyone else For context, I'm very lucky That when I'm having sex, my husband always makes sure It's not just him that has an orgasm But my weirdo is When we have a really intense orgasm When I have a really intense orgasm, I temporarily lose my healing She gets like a sensory overload.

1:19:05Anna Williamson:Oh, hence the deaf knee. I just go almost completely deaf. And then it comes back. Am I weird? What does it happen to anyone else? I've never heard of that. Never heard of that. Is it a medical thing? I don't know. Did you fact check this? No. It sounds like you're having one hell of an intense orgasm, babe. Someone must do. I'm going to take a picture of this and then I'm going to ask ChatGBT. Is this a medical thing? Or Lufanians, can anyone else relate to this? Have you lost a key sensory skill as a result of orgasm? I mean, I suppose you can get a bit dizzy. Maybe. Maybe that, but I have never heard of it.

1:19:44Anna Williamson:Seeing stars. Seeing stars, that's like sight, isn't it? So maybe she just gets deafness. Can anyone relate to that? Well, we've never heard of that, Daphne, but thanks for sharing it. We learn something new every day. Oh, here you go. Why this can happen. Blood pressure spikes. Oh, Eustachian tube pressure changes. The muscles in the face, jaw and throat contract. This can temporarily alter pressure in the middle ear causing muffled hearing or a deaf feeling. There we go. Daphne, we've solved it. We've solved it. We've cracked the case. It is a thing. There you go. You're just having too good a sex, girl.

1:20:22It's caused by the body's rapid cardiovascular and neurological response. Wow.

1:20:29Anna Williamson:Babes, you keep going, girl. Right, next one, Lulu. Can I just say, I do really love ChatGBT. It then says to me, if you want, I can also tell you the very weird but real orgasm side effects that doctors have documented. Yes, please, ChatGBT. I did, I said yes, please. Right, another one from Anon. So, Indiehole. Oh, good, good. Hi, Luanamo. Love you, girls. thought I'd write in to see if you think I might be a contender for weirder of the week. So sometimes when I'm out around groups of people and I'm not in active conversation, just sort of observing from the sidelines, I find my mind wonders and I will look at the people I'm with and I imagine either what their orgasm face looks like or what their poo face looks like.

1:21:16Both incredibly random and both very different things to picture in my brain, I know. If I imagine their pooing phase, this often also leads on to me imagining what sort of poos they have. And I visualise their bum holes opening as the poo exits their body. Pretty gross, but oddly satisfying to imagine. I have absolutely no idea why I do this. Maybe I'm just weird. Who knows? But if you fancy giving it a go when you're bored sometime, it's actually quite fun. Keep me a nun. Give me the poor name. Indie hole. Sorry, Louisa. I did think Imo had done Indie hole. That's very weird.

1:21:50Anna Williamson:I mean, for me, I mean, imagining the poo face, I was sort of there, but then you lost me. At the bum hole opening. Yeah, that was where you lost me, babes. So the deaf knee, we've realised now that's a thing. Yeah. So it doesn't feel that weird. So for me, it's... It's still weird. I mean, it is weird, but it's biologically... It's a medical, yeah. Yeah. I think imagining people's arseholes... Visualising bum holes opening. What type of poos do you think I do, girls? Oh, God, I'd never thought about that. And rabbit droppings. Yes! Yeah, I imagine that. Can I just say how proud you just looked there, Emma?

1:22:25Anna Williamson:You were like, yes, yes, I know my poo, thank you. I reckon you do big logs with skidders. Not skidders, just Poudinis, big ones. I reckon yours are a bit softer with frequent skidders. Well, I have an issue. What's your issue? Here we go. Let's open the floor. With the toilets in my house. They don't agree with the angle of my arsehole. Do you need a poo stick? Oh, no. You need a poo stick, mate. No, it's not the post-it. It's skiddy central at it, mate. It's skiddy central. Is it? I just don't understand. I don't skid. I sit down in the toilet. I never have skidders because I do do rabbit droppings.

1:22:59I never used to suffer in my old house. No, you've got soft skiddy logs. But this house, something to do with the toilet and where my bum hole lines up with the bit in the bottom of the toilet. Every time it hits, I get a skid and I'm constantly having to get the old lube brush. Oh, no, you need a new lube brush every three months. It's a bloody nightmare. Do you not do the right angle? I do all the angles. Have you tried to prop your feet up on a little stool? Yeah, I do all the things. A little puffy. I'm going left and right and forwards and back. Just no good. No good. Sometimes when I do a poo and I sit down, I just go like that.

1:23:31And I spread my cheeks. Yes. Oh, I just spread the foot. I do that. Aww. Aww. Especially if you're trying to make it less noisy. Yeah. Yeah, there's a skill. If you don't want air coming out the butthole. Yeah. There's a skill about that. Right, I reckon it's the poo woman. Okay. Poo, here we go. Thank you, guys. They were very weird. We love them. So who are we thinking is the weirdo of the month then? We've got to do a rundown, don't we? Right, go on then. Because it's the end of March. Right, go on then. Let's do a rundown of March. Right, with five of them this month because of the way that the weeks have formed.

1:24:06Oh, an extra one for free. Go on then. Right, number one, we had Betty. She was a smeg sniffer. Oh, rank. Yeah. We had number two was Rebecca with the man in the towelling dress. Oh, yeah. Yeah, ick. Number three, we had Sam who thought about drinking the poo-y poo brush. Oh, no, that was bad. Sam's in front runner at the moment. Four was Hayley with the home birth blood splatter, leaving that on the wall. It's not great, but yeah. Sentimental, sentimental. And number five was this one, Indie Hole, with the poo faces.

1:24:39Anna Williamson:It's got to be the toilet water. It's Sam and the drinking bog water. Drinking the toilet brush. Congratulations, you are Widow of the Month. You will not be getting a prize. Other than our love and adoration and appreciation. I thank you. Oh, gross. Is that time of the week? Little ranty-poos-lose? Actually, I have got a rant, and it's not this way I've been in the script. It relates to poo again. Oh, okay, we're on the trajectory. As we were just talking about poo. Do you know what? This is a very short rant, and I think this is going to be quite relatable. Night time pooing There is nothing Worse Than waking up at night to do a wee And a surprise shit gets you It absolutely I get anger in the middle of the night I get pissed off at my own body It wakes you up more It's not natural is it It doesn't often happen but when it does It's really annoying That is my rant My body keeps letting me down frequently I don't know if it's because I've been on different time zones but I fucking hate it I'm all sleepy and you just want to get up and do like a sleepy you just want to do like a little dopey like a koala walk to the toilet and you're all tired and you just want to keep your eyes shut and just wee not even wash your hands after that wee you just want to get a little pat dry then when you get on that toilet and you're all ready for your koala wee and suddenly...

1:26:07Bingo, wake up. No. Pooh starts to evacuate. Also, it's annoying. Fucks me right off. Because normally you don't really turn the light on because you don't want to wake yourself up. Then you have to wipe the bum

1:26:19Anna Williamson:and it's hard to see the toilet paper. So you need to then put the light on to see what's going on. And then you're awake and it ruins everything. You're ruined. Ruins everything. The poo, the night time surprise pooh's in the bin. Bin, get in. That's my run. A night poo, no thank you. No thank you. It is actually really annoying. Anti-sociable poos. Yeah. That's what it is. Wow, what about when you're like having lunch or something with friends and you go to the toilet and the shit comes, takes you as a surprise? It's all right if you're with people that you know, but if you're not, and then you're trying to rush the poo and then you have to chop it off halfway through.

1:26:54A chop-off is, there is nothing worse than a chop-off. There's nothing worse than a chop-off. Nothing worse. And then you're like, I have to do it, but you know there's more in there, but you can't take any more time. And then you're wearing a thong and you might get some shitty thongs. I know. It's a problem. It's a big issue. You're right.

1:27:07Anna Williamson:If I deviate from my first thing in the morning, it's game over. You're right. I like this. It ruins the day and the night. It ruins the bowel time. Imagine if you could just set a timer for like the perfect... Optum and putain. ...perfect putain when you first wake up. Yes. In your own home, Anna, because you always shit everywhere. I do. Anna doesn't care where she shit. I'm all about the body clock. No shame. I do. I get up. I'm about an hour after. I'm like two hours after kind of waking. I think it's two hours after you wake. yeah about two hours after waking you've had a bit to drink you've had something to eat exactly and then off we go I've done it this morning every single morning without fail I'll have a poo around between 8 and 9.30 I'll have a poo there you go I'd say it's more 9.30 to 8.30 to 9.30 to 10 anyway just the perfect time to poo is just wake up in the morning it's that first wee have a little drop the kids at the pool off we go start your day then you feel nice and empty as well and then maybe If you're a frequent poo, just another one before bed.

1:28:09Before bed, yeah. Good to know, guys. I like a poo rant.

1:28:12Anna Williamson:A poo rant? It's good, isn't it? It's just been, it's happened to me. Bottomly functions. That's three times recently, the night time poo. And it's really fucked me off. Yeah. I also don't like poos when you're on your period. It's too many colours down there. It's too much wiping. You don't know what you're wiping around. It's wiping, it's back, it's front to back. If you do a shit and you've got a moon cup in and you strain, does it push the moon cup in? Well, if I'm doing a poo, I will normally take my... You have to take it out, yeah. Oh, really? You prepare. And then I poo... Because you don't want it to fall in the toilet.

1:28:41Anna Williamson:So I use tampons, and if I've got a tampon in... You can push it out. Well, I can, but I also can't poo if the tampon's still in. Because it's pushing against it. And it does act like an actual anal plug, even though it's not in my anus. Are you sure you're putting your tampons in the correct hole? That's what Enzo said the other day, because I'm very liberal. Again, I whack the old Tamos in when the kids are around. and he literally started to look at me he was in the bath looked at me and I had my knee up on the my leg up on the loo doing it and he went poor kid why oh he's he's very he's very at one with the female anatomy oh bless him and he was like why why why did you put that up your why did you put the sponge he calls it sponge why did you put the sponge up your bum hole and I was like doesn't it up my bum hole thank you and then he and he was like it's quite sensible though it means you don't have to wipe your bum and I was like no I need to and then I think he thought he could do the same thing I was like no you're not putting tampons up your bums I probably will I probably will but never mind it's all about exploring well good poo rant there that is it for this week's Luana but don't worry we will of course be here on Monday if you don't want to wait until then on Thursday we do have Luana totally extra for that we need you our wonderful Lufanians you can send your emails in luana at everythingluana.com you can also hop onto WhatsApp send us a clear voice note or a message.

1:30:05Our number is

1:30:10Anna Williamson:07521564640. High five. We fucking did it. We didn't pause. We did it. First time in 2026. Make sure you followed our podcast, guys. It's really important. We'd love you to. Thank you so much. This is also something we'd love you to do. Share the pod. Share this episode or one of your favourite episodes with a friend. Maybe you've got a favourite clip. Maybe we gave some particular advice that you want to send to them. Just share the Luanna love. We'd be super grateful. We would also be really, really grateful for a five-star review if you've got a couple of minutes. And we will see you Thursday.

1:30:38Bye!

1:30:41This has been a Global Player original production.