She spent her Nan's Inheritance on WHAT?!

0:02This is a global production. Be warned, it's Luana and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. But you know, you love it. My nan left me a bit of money in her will and specifically said in a letter it was for something sensible. To put towards a house deposit or my wedding or children or something. I used the whole lot on a ****. I lost most of it in one night.

0:36Anna Williamson:Oh, that was beautiful. It was like you were reading Jackanory. What's Jackanory? Tell a story. Yeah, Jackanory. Jackanory, tell a story. In the corner. I thought if you were Jackanory, it meant you were a liar. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Is it? I don't know. Anyway, what do we know? What we do know is that it's Thursday, and this is Luanna Totally Extra. I'm Louisa Zisman she's Anna Williamson Anna Williamson and every Thursday we are bringing you extra those extra rants extra chats extra squeaky mics extra confessions extra you please do before we muff hunt into this episode I want you to do something for us Lou and Anna your favourite besties that you listen to every week we're just going to ask you to do one favour and that is to now press follow in your top right hand corner and please do follow this podcast.

1:32It really does make a huge difference to us in delivering you this pod every week because it means that we get noticed by more people basically the more subscribers we have so we really need more subscribers. And then we can do even more. And also do subscribe on YouTube. Thank you and good night.

1:46Anna Williamson:Thank you. Now listen, speaking as well of it being an episode all about you, I just want to do a quick shout out if that's okay because we have some massive fans and I've brought in some sweeties today. Are they in the Miss Sims and Bishop Stortford? They love us. I know. Heidi and Cherry. And I have one. Yes, Heidi and Cherry. Do you think they're going to make me ship myself? Probably. Full disclosure, I've slightly... You've already eaten the sweets. I got them yesterday with the kids. So we go in with the kids. Did they give you that packet for us? Yeah. And then you opened it. Can I be really honest?

2:15Anna Williamson:Without me being present. Yeah, and the kids really told me off. So we go in every week. They've got more of a moral compass than you. They have. Compass. Compass. We go in. It's the most gorgeous, like, Aladdin's cave of sweets. And when I take the kids, we do drum lessons. We do, like, drum and Nando's every week. And so they have a treat now. We go into the Mr. Sims to get sweeties. Yeah, that's it. And then we have Nando's. Anyway, Heidi and Cherry are massively fanions. Oh, my God, the red and white ones are so good. So good. And they insisted. They love you. They said, oh, Louisa comes in here sometimes.

2:48Anna Williamson:They're so nice to my kids. Anyway, they insisted on giving me a bag of sweets. and I said no I'll pay for them they were like no we'd love to give you a bag of sweets and I said well I'm going in to record tomorrow didn't they come to one of our shows I think they did yeah but you know the kids so anyway I was hungry yesterday because I'm on my period and that's what I want a week's sweets these are really good sweets I know I'm going to go in there now I've got to take some shoes back to next oh well there you go so I went in but then I started eating them my kids honestly they're like they're like mummy I think Heidi and Cherry said they were for you and Lou and I was like yeah but I want a sweet now No, it was both of them, actually.

3:23Anna Williamson:They were like, and then they kept saying this morning, make sure you say hello to Heidi and Cherry. This is a really good mix. This is the jelly. Sugar-coated jelly and jelly sweet mix. It's a really good sweet mix. There's a lot of E numbers, but... We love it. Girls, thank you. Appreciate it. Listen, and also, before we get into your messages, guys, the Troxie, Luanna, the big party is literally in whiffing distance now. Whiff, whiff. Whiff, whiff. So if you are coming either to our matinee or our evening show, So this is your klaxon to get your shout-outs in. So if you're coming and you want us to say hello to you, keep it short and concise.

3:57Anna Williamson:We don't want paragraphs and epistles, but we do want your shout-outs. So if you're coming with friends, on a table, in other seats, let us know. Get them in and put in the subject heading, the big party. Let us know if you're doing matinee or evening show. AM or PM. Your title needs to be AM Troxie shout-out or PM Troxie shout out, your shout out should be no more than two lines. It's like, hey, some sister-in-law Mary here with Cherry. Celebrating my divorce. Yeah. That's about as much as we need. That's it. Because what we do is we put all of those shout outs at the top of the show. So, your chewing is far too loud.

4:38You can't hear me. I've got earphones on. I can hear it from here. Okay. Do the thing.

4:44Anna Williamson:Do my goat eating. Can I just say, I've been eating sweets, like, for ages, and you have not heard it, have you? I think I've got an issue. It's so noisy. I just, I can't eat quietly. I couldn't date you. I couldn't date you. But you could shag me. No, I couldn't. Not if you ate like that in front of me. It'll put me, I don't know how Alex has sex with you. I don't know how Andrew has sex with me sometimes either. Well, they're just suffering, long suffering, and they have to now. But yeah. It's rank. She loves it. She fucking loves it, guys. She literally is like, I mean, I do chew like a goat.

5:18Anna Williamson:I don't know. Why do you do that? I don't know. I don't know. It's a disability. It's not a disability. It's slovenly. I'm going to get a badge. Don't confuse disability with slovenly. It's not. I mean, if you could say it.

5:32How do you say it? Slovenly. Slovenly. Slovenly, yeah. No, it's slovenly. No, it's slovenly. That sounds. Even saying slovenly like slovenly, when it's slovenly, it sounds slovenly. It's not slovenly. It's slovenly. No, I'm not for it.

5:47Anna Williamson:Well, that's just basically what's in the dictionary, but that's okay. No, I'm looking it up. Look it up now. It's slovenly. Is it not my G-H now? No, it's slovenly. It's pronounced with the slov, slov sound. Thank you. So slovenly, not slovenly. I have a master's in English. And yes, it means dirty, untidy, careless, or habitually messy in appearance. But it's with a V, isn't it, Lou? You were right. Well, it's just typical, isn't it? Because actually, the pronunciation of the word is the description of the word, isn't it? Slovenly. Isn't it good when a word just matches? A word defines... Like moist.

6:26Yeah. Moist. Like it defines the...

6:29Anna Williamson:The sound. The sound of the word. Slovenly. Defines the meaning of the word. It sounds gutter snipey, doesn't it? Oh, I love it. Anyway, listen, I'm talking bollocks. Let's kick in with messages from Caroline in Luxembourg. Oh, fancy. In Luxembourg. Where is Luxembourg? Luxembourg is in Luxembourg. So I'm listening through... What's it near to? I don't know. I don't know either. I don't know. So I'm listening through the back catalogue, like a good little Lufallion. Good. Bravo. Side note. Wow. Oh, this is strong. Strong listening habits here. I like to roulette it and flick down the list a while and then randomly hit play.

7:02Anna Williamson:That's a strong move. Luanna roulette. Love it. But today I listened to one from December 2021. And you talked... I mean, we talk about a lot of stuff, folks. Oh. We talked about doing a Luana Advent calendar with daily advice from each of you. I would love that. Like, pick Anna's supportive daily quote or Louisa's tough love, get on with it type vibe. We should do this. We should just do a digital one, Advent. We could, yeah. Please, please look at this. In December. And hopefully you've enough time to sort it for December. I reckon we could do this on our Instagram. Socials as a thing a day.

7:34Anna Williamson:Yeah. With a ting advice for the day. Luana a day keeps the doctor away. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then we could just do a, like... One bit of advice. Get the fuck on with it. Yeah. From me. Yeah, and then just, like, embrace your festive joy. Fuck festive. Yeah. Anyway, P.S. That crime Louisa mentioned a few weeks back about a diver being picked up by the sea. Yes, by a firefighting plane and dumped over a wildfire, then being found dead in a tree.

8:06Anna Williamson:That was an episode of CSI. so I don't think it was a real story. Didn't your dad tell you that?

8:17Stop.

8:18Anna Williamson:It was an episode of CSI. I'm spreading fake news. Do you know what? Sometimes, though, don't you think dramas are so convincing nowadays? Sometimes I do end up saying, oh, I know about this thing that happened to someone and then I realise it was actually a drama. Is CSI not real then? I don't know. I don't watch CSI. I don't think I watch it. But hilarious. Right, we've got petty reasons to dump someone from Anon, so better. Do you want to be a phone monitor? I want a suite now. Now I can't have one. Hi, guys. I am just on my way to work listening to your Thursday episode and your pettiest reason to dump someone and brought back memories of a boyfriend I had when I was about 17.

9:03I'm now 40, happily married, children. The works. and he was so lovely and to be honest I think he was probably more into it than I was but we went on like a third fourth day when I was meeting some of his friends and he always had a bit of a wacky fashion sense and he turned up in a smurf blue leather jacket wow yeah and that just immediately dumpage put me off right there and then vagina clamped shut and I was like oh god okay how do I get out of this one so yeah I then um had to just ghost him and dumped him but you know what the really sad story is that he actually then died um it wasn't because I dumped him that he died obviously it was kind of like 10 years later but I've kind of never forgiven myself um for being such a shallow bitch but you know to be honest I don't think we would have worked out anyway so um but yeah i'm not going to give you my name just in case someone happens to listen to this remembers the uh smurf color jacket and thinks wow yeah i remember what a bitch you were so give me a uh porn star now oh do you know what no take my late nanny's name nanny bett nice from kent love you girls bye thank you wow the smurf jacket there's no there's no place in

10:28Anna Williamson:this world for a Smurf leather jacket, quite honestly. It's a hard no for me.

10:38Anna Williamson:All right, joke up next from Emily. What do you call a woman with one leg on either side of a river? Bridget. Bridget. Very good. Bridget. Yeah, one leg on the side of a river. Oh, because she's bridging it. Right, we've got a voice note now, joke from Joe. A doctor's surgery decides it wants to protect its patient's privacy by not announcing their names. So the doctor comes out of his office and shouts, But the man with gonorrhea, please come in.

11:17Okay, another one. A young man goes into a bar and says to the bartender, Can I have six shots of tequila? He says, Oh, that's a lot of alcohol. well, you're celebrating. He says, yeah, I'm celebrating my first blow job. So the guy says, oh, that's brilliant. Here, have a seventh one on the house. And he says, quite frankly, sir, if six can't get the taste out of my mouth, I don't think seven will.

11:52I've been all weak.

11:54Anna Williamson:Oh, Jane. You are a ray of sunshine, babes. Thank you. Oh, dear. good jokes oh right we've got a petty polly from ella next too we've got a lot of listener input today love this hi guys i'm going to try and keep this nice and short because i know that immo doesn't like a long voice note and basically i need you to help me decide whether to do something a little bit naughty you know just a little bit naughty um so i've just been on the train and this group of guys got on and they were clearly like quite merry they'd been probably drinking beers all day or whatever and they had four bags of m s picky bits and they emptied all the picky bits out onto the table and were like having a full-on picnic it was quite funny right and one of the guys had his credit card and he was using it to cut the brie and he was eating brie off his credit card gross um so i was like taking pictures and stuff because i thought it was funny i was gonna show my friends and um then i realized i have a picture of this man's credit card details on my phone now um so do i do i just buy myself a little treat no no okay arguments like for and against right so i would feel bad doing it because they were funny they shared their food with me i got a beer out of it and they were generally like a good laugh but then on the other hand they were very loud and disruptive on another otherwise very quiet train and also turns out they told me that they were struggling to get the card machine to work in M &S and they were going to miss their train they're going to be late for their train and so in the end they just made a run for it with the picky bits so they stole all of those picky bits so I would feel less bad because like that man has spent no money on his credit card for all of those picky bits so if I bought myself a little treat like I don't know would it would it hurt I don't know I just feel like doing some I don't break rules normally but I feel like being a little bit naughty let me know your thoughts I personally wouldn't do that.

13:49Also, to bear... I mean, I know I like a five-finger discount sometimes when I'm in WH Smith in an airport. Naughty, no. But I wouldn't do that.

13:57Anna Williamson:Also, you wouldn't actually get through the transaction because you'd need to get verification and stuff. Yeah, you'd have it or text your phone. Yeah, and you'd have to do the two, which is a good job. And then where are you going to get it delivered to? Because if it goes to your house, then it's traceable. It's basically theft, darling, so let's not do that. But love the question. Love the thought. Love the thought. from Anonymous, so B-O problem. Good one. I once chucked a guy for having size 5 feet. His little shoes... Oh no, that will give me the ick. I swear he's not. His little shoes lined up next to my size 6's.

14:34Anna Williamson:Absolutely not. Love the pod. Give me a splendid name. B-O problem. Oh, that is a bit icky. I'm sorry to all the guys listening that might have small feet, but It's an ick. Well, she also had a size six. Like, it may have been... Size six is, like, average for a woman, though. Yeah, exactly. I'm, like, a four. Well, I bought a size five the other day, and they're too big. Oh. Really annoying. Right, Rachel. She says, Girls, I was dating this guy last year. We probably went on three dates. I knew there wouldn't be a fourth when he stamped near a pigeon, and it didn't... I can't even finish. I knew there wouldn't be a fourth when he stamped near a pigeon, and the pigeon didn't move.

15:15Ick! Like he hasn't even got enough presents to move a pigeon on.

15:21Anna Williamson:Oh, awful. Such an ick and really funny. That's fucking hilarious. Rant next from Julie. Me-Juli. Me-Juli! Good afternoon, ladies. Rant incoming. Why, oh why, do the bin men, when they are emptying the bin, leave the fucking bin right in the middle of the driveway. Yeah. Why? So I just think I'd like to get my nails done. Bin was out this morning. Clearly the car isn't in the drive, so I need to get back in. Come home. Where's the bin? Yep, right across the fucking middle of the driveway. So what do I have to do? Get out the car, move the bin, get back in the car, get the car in the driveway. I'm fucking sick of it.

16:08I think I'm going to leave a note on it. What do you think? What should I do? Anyway, love the pod and all that pish. And yes, keep doing what you do.

16:20Anna Williamson:Julie, do you want my honest advice? I would say never piss off your bin men because they are the gods of emptying those bins. So I would say just suck it up, buttercup, because if you miss one of your three weekly bin collections because they've pissed you off, it's only going to be a ball ache for you. I would just deal with it. Do you know what I would do? I'd write a little note on my laptop and laminate it and I'd be like, dear lovely bin men, I really appreciate everything you do and collecting my bins. However, I notice that you keep leaving the bin in the middle of my drive. I am disabled and it's a big challenge for me to get out of my car and to move the bin back to its rightful place when I come home.

17:00Would you be so kind as to move it not in the middle of the driveway? Thank you. I think a polite note goes a long way. And then leave a little six can of Fosters on the top. I think that's perfection. That would be good.

17:13Anna Williamson:Laminate it so it's waterproof. I know on the bin is a good idea, to be fair. Bellens at birth from Anonymous, so birth up. Hi, Luana Moenco. Long time listener. This is my first time messaging. I've suddenly remembered I do actually have a story. Yay! Please keep me in on. We had two children. We have two children, and my husband was the perfect birth partner. Oh. He understood me, did exactly what I wanted, which was just to be quiet. Just shut the fuck up. Leave me alone. and definitely do not touch me or massage me or any of that that they say helps. No, I didn't want that either. Like Louisa, my first two births were great.

17:46Anna Williamson:Not particularly long or really short, just normal and easy. Then we both decided to have a third baby. And being our third, we both had thought everything would be the same as the first two. Well, I thought as well. Worth adding, my husband loves a bath. Could potentially be a weirder of the week at the same time. But the only way he washes is a bath. He baths two times a day and can't live without them. They aren't for me. I'm a shower girl Me too Baths are shit and a waste of time Agree Hard disagree Unpopular opinion but it's true Oh I love a bath Anyway I assumed the baby would come a day or two late like the others but no eight days overdue I decided the baby would never come and thought while I wait for my induction I'll sort some washing and you know the kids are behaving downstairs Whilst folding washing suddenly my waters went like a film I shouted to my husband my waters have broken he doesn't answer they're really gushing and I know it's all starting so I go to find him.

18:39Anna Williamson:Shock, not. He's in the bath on his phone. I tell him and he's like, oh, okay, well, have you cleaned it up yet? I'll be out the bath in a minute. Maybe ring your mum? Oh, he just loves his bath. Divorce. I'm joking. Anyway, I had no pain so I thought, okay, well, this is fine. 15 minutes later, I decided I was definitely dying and the baby was going to be born at home. I'm shouting at him, unsure I can't do this and there is no way I will survive. He says, would you calm down? Your waters literally broke 15 minutes ago. The baby isn't coming and he's still not out of the bloody bath. This is it.

19:13Anna Williamson:Third baby. He's lost interest. And also third baby. She's coming out, I bet. Fortunately, we only live a few minutes from the hospital. So we quickly got in the car. I couldn't even sit down. Made at the hospital where a bonus bellend came over and said, didn't have a mask, to which I replied politely, fuck off, standing on the wheelchair footrest. He actually ran through the hospital with the chair. All dignity. out the window, shouted at the buzzer to the delivery suite, ran through, and I gave birth six minutes after arriving on the ward. He was such a bellend, without a care in the world, just enjoying his bath.

19:48Anna Williamson:But all in all, the birth was great. And we were home a few hours later and he ordered Wagamamas when we got home, which we had with our gorgeous new daughter. And he still loves a bath. I mean, I have to admit, I am a bath fan, but if my husband had been that laissez-faire in the ruddy bath when I was in labour, I'd have been fuming. Would have pissed you right off. Right off.

20:11Anna Williamson:Guys, we've got something really exciting up our sleeves. We keep promising you more, Luanna, and we are delivering. Now, we haven't done a Luanna Extra Hot episode for a while, so it has to be quite special when we do one, and we have something very special. You will know that a while ago, Lou mentioned on our Recoseco a fantastic podcast called Blink, following a guy called Jake, who was the only person to have come through locked syndrome. Well, in an extraordinary twist of fate, Lou is now not only mates with Jake, but he has actually agreed to come on an extra hot. Yes, I am buzzing because I was obsessed with his podcast, Blink.