She swallowed her what?!

0:02This is a global production. Be warned, it's Luana and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. But, you know, you love it.

0:14Anna Williamson:He has absolutely no idea how I feel. Oh, how I feel. Neither does my husband and I genuinely cannot stop thinking about him. I'd be in that bowl and I'd be mushing that around every shit I did until I found that AirPod. No one asked for a new recipe. No one called for a new recipe. There was nothing wrong with it. Local councils need to go in the bin. What was it? Dry lips? What was it called? Dry lips! Loose lips? Oh, loose lips is what it was called before. Dry lips. Dry lips!

0:49Welcome. It is Thursday. Top of the morning here on this Thursday. A ting-a-ling-a-ling, a ting-a-ling-a-ling. It is Thursday. We are doing it. Yes.

1:02Anna Williamson:Hi, guys. Welcome to Thursday. It's Luanna, Totally Extra. You know that from the absolute guffage that has just come out of us. She's Lu. I'm Anna. Imo's here, of course, as well, pulling the puppet strings, and every Thursday we'll be bringing you our Extra. It's your rep. Extra rants, chat, confession stories. Do follow us on your favourite podcast platform if you aren't, and subscribe on YouTube. please and let's muff hunt in, shall we bitches? Yes, let's do it. We've got a message from Anonymous so Henrietta out. Henrietta out. Henrietta out. Henrietta out. Henrietta out. Don't know. Henrietta out.

1:49Anna Williamson:Henrietta out. Henrietta out. we were so slow with that one that's actually quite good thank you that's actually really good henry et her out that's one of my favorites how did we not get that because we're us that's a really good one hi ladies love the pod please keep me in on long time listener first time writer inner i have a student nurse story for you my first placement was in a hospice picture the scene my patient a quiet little irish lady approaching end of life myself and my supervisor nurse have gone in to see her in order to give her an injection of pain relief i'm very nervous because from previous encounters i know she is usually very particular about her care and usually very private and serious on top of that i'm handling controlled drugs for the first time in my life and it's the and it's one of the first times i'm injecting anything into anyone I love how they just let them experiment on the people that are about to cark it.

2:51So if something goes wrong, they can't form a complaint because they'll be dead. That must be the theory. Quite clever. We exchange presentries. My supervisor informs her I'm a student and checks she's okay with me carrying out the procedure. She says, fine. And I proceed. As I finish injecting the medication, she suddenly rolls her eyes. Oh, no. Oh, no. I told you this is why they do it.

3:14Anna Williamson:They do not, by the way. To the back of her head and starts having a seizure. I am panicking. My supervisor is panicking. Is she having an allergic reaction? Did we take the wrong meds or the wrong dose? A few excruciating seconds later, she just sits up, laughs, and says, she reads his accent, don't worry, I'm just fucking around. Wow, that was not Irish. I'm very sorry. I don't know what just came up. Hold on, top of mind. Don't you worry, Darren, just fucking around. That's what she said. Semi-better. Semi-better. we all laughed about it after but that moment was the closest I've ever come to shitting myself since I was a child thank you for the laughs on my work and uni commute, I like that little Irish lady, do you know what great patient that she's got a good sense of humour, even bless her heart in her terrible time that she's having, right next up we've got Perry or Plain Stupid from Tracy Anna could have probably wrote this see what she's saying it's every chance Good morning, Luanamo.

4:14Anna Williamson:Hope you're all well. Love the show and all that jazz. I was listening to your podcast on Thursday when you brought up the new segment of Perry or Plain Stupid. and I knew I had the perfect little antidote for you. So on Thursday evening, which is three days ago, it's now Sunday morning, I was getting ready for bed, as you do. I got my magnesium tablets, my progesterone tablets, all in one hand and popped downstairs to grab some water, let the dog out and make my way to bed. In my other hand, I had a dead air pod that I found on the side and was planning to go down and charge. so down I went got distracted talking to my daughter oh no glass of water uh took a gulp took my head back opened my mouth threw the tablets in swallowed as I always do my throat that's how I managed to do that as I swallowed instant regret as I felt the air pod go down I swallowed my air pod no so obviously ran straight upstairs tried to bring it back up up came the tablets up came half my dinner no airpod no airpod so i then phoned 111 and the poor lady on the phone could barely breathe for laughing at me while she told me to ingest rather a lot of honey and make my way to the hospital without without hesitation so we went five hours later a couple of x-rays later and the surgical team were trying to decide whether to remove it because obviously airpods have a lithium battery obviously not a very nice shape either to be passing through your system.

5:56Anna Williamson:By the time they decided they would remove it and re-ex-rate it, it had gone too far. She shut it up. So off I went home with the instructions. It'll probably come out in the next day or two. Let us know if it doesn't just come back. I then got home at 4am Friday morning and I had to be up for work at 5. So I didn't bother going to bed. I just carried on, got ready, went to work. Oh my God. Really important shareholder meeting that I had to attend. somehow made it through that day. We're now Sunday morning. We've had some movement since. I can't be sure whether there's an airpod in it. Oh, I would be mushing it up.

6:35Anna Williamson:I'm putting it down to a little bit of both, but it's probably a little bit more plain stupid, to be quite honest with you. But yes, I'll be interested to know what's the funniest thing the listeners or yourselves have swallowed. My name is Tracy from Dibcot in Oxfordshire. No need to keep me anonymous. everyone knows how stupid I am love you lots oh I couldn't just have a bowel movement and not like dissect it I'd have to know wouldn't you would you have to like shit in a bowl and have a little oh my god I'd have to go Gillian McKeith on it I'd have like silicone gloves on I'd be in that bowl and I'd be mushing that around every shit I did until I found that air pod I can't believe she didn't do that Tracy Tracy, what are you doing?

7:22I thought we were going to have a picture of a ship with an air fodder there. Oh, no. I did. Oh, my God. Do you know what? Do you want to hear something funny? I'll tell you about it. Go on. Well, the other day, Dixie was in Starbucks. She had work experience in Ireland. She was in Starbucks and she needed the toilet. So she said a little boy had been in there before her. Well, probably like 10. And then he'd come out and then she went to go into the toilet and he had just shat on the toilet seat. She took a picture and then walked out. Oh. And she was like, he just did a shit like on the toilet seat.

8:01She said, so I went, she said, I didn't want people to think it was me. So she said, so I went up to the staff in Starbucks. Well, this is it. You want to vindicate yourself. And she said, she said to them, something's happened in the toilet and I think someone might need to go in there. but she'd just taken a picture she's so my child she'd just taken a picture and he'd just shat on the on the toilet seat no crazy yeah dirty little boy that just Tracy just triggered that right we've got jokes up next this is a joke from Christy she is from Essex what's worse than two girls running with scissors two girls scissoring with the rams

8:47Anna Williamson:oh that is a good joke oh that is a good joke i love that one i love that one we've got another one anonymous so brie bites hello uh love the pod i've just been listening to you guys talk about gym deck and i thought i would can i just say that went down the comments yeah the comments people were like how did this get to my algorithm i'm like i'm not even entirely sure myself um uh It's a fact though that you just went, I will tell you what it's like. I will tell you. I will tell you exactly. Fishy. What is it again? Fishy urine. You said fishany. Fishany. Fishany, did I? No one even knows what happened there, but you're welcome, guys.

9:33Anna Williamson:And I thought I would share how my partner describes a smelly penis for Imo. Oh, here we go. Nothing but an education on Nuwana. he compares the smell of unwashed of an unwashed penis to a bag of skips wow actually some people say it's about a nun don't they he says then they say quavers and a nun i hate no skips it's it's skips since he said it i can't agree more and i can no longer eat them also i have a joke for you so there you go emo you're welcome um yeah also have a joke for you a woman walks out of the bathroom winks at her husband's and says i shaved down there you know what that means the husband responds yeah the clay the train is clogged very good oh dear

10:19uh right sexy names from a non so d d pandard very good deep and hard good one uh keep me anon please hi ladies quick answer to the question of guys you've hooked up with, with boring or weird names. Oh, yeah. I remember this. Sometimes we do go off on a tangent, don't we? I'm 32 now, but had a teenage romance with a Colin and also with an Earl. How British can you be? Then at uni, there was a guy called Geordie, but pronounced literally like Geordie. And we were in Newcastle. He was from down south. Bizarre, in my opinion. Just love it. Love it. Earl. I had an Earl. I knew an Earl once. Earl.

11:12Put your Earl in my pearl.

11:17Anna Williamson:We had a cameraman called Earl once. It's a very refined name. Yeah, we did. Earl. I had a pony called Earl. Oh, yeah, you did. To have it put down. Sad times. Sad times. Petty Polly now from Anonymous. So Cynthia. Hello to all at Team Luanna. Thank you so much for everything you do. You really brighten up my week. Well, you are welcome, hun. I have a petty potty for you. When my husband really pisses me off, I twist a couple of the knob things on the top of his acoustic guitar. This is so good to untune it, which controls the strings and the guitar goes out of tune. And it's really annoying when I used to have a guitar.

11:53Anna Williamson:Then when he goes to play it, he has to spend time faffing around to put it back into tune. Always makes me... Before he's worked out it was me, he would say he wondered why his guitar was suddenly become out of tune and I told him must be the change of weather if this makes the pod please give him my beautiful nan's name Cynthia it's an excellent petty this is excellent do you know what I would love to level up these petty pollies and if you do like we had that brilliant one with the with the dog food spoon and then she said the dinner and this if you could video them um and then like secretly said it like secretly video you doing it and then the partner's reaction.

12:34That would be brilliant because we would just love to see that and we could or may or may not use it with your permission for something in the future. So yeah, if any of your filming Petty Pollies, we would absolutely love them. Like live in the moment.

12:53Anna Williamson:Yeah, my husband's literally just pissed me off because he's done X, Y, Z. Look at this mess. Here we go. Detune his guitar, motherfucker. Exactly. That's all we need. Send them in. We've got a rant now from a non. So, fee strength. This has been endorsed highly by Imo. Oh, go on. Let's see what it is. I could not agree more. Hello, Luanimo. This is a rant, but it's also a recosecco. So, it's boiling and I'm sweating my tatas off and I've gone to the garage to buy an ice lolly. My favourite, in fact, which is a Walls feast. Imagine my disgust, absolute disgust, when I'm looking forward to chocolate ice cream covered in chocolate shell with bits and a hard chocolate middle bit.

13:48Anna Williamson:Instead, to find, biting into it and finding white slop and a Nutella inside. It's disgusting. It's abhorrent and I won't stand for it. So I went to email and find out about this new recipe and complain and found that everybody else is also complaining about this new disgusting recipe. And instead, people are suggesting go to Aldi, Anna's favourite shop, and buy Fiestas as they are a dupe. So I did that instead. And they are yummy. They're tiny. But then I do need to lose a bit of weight because I'm a menopausal blob. So there we go. Don't worry about that. Please change the recipe bag. It's abhorrent.

14:34Bye.

14:36Anna Williamson:I've never tried a feast. They are the OGs. I agree, that lovely chocolatey, bitey. I haven't had a feast in a long time, but that upsets me because if I did get one, I would be expecting the old one. I bloody love a feast. And then I bought a packet and they arrived and I bit into it. And again, was affronted by this slop disgustingness. And I looked at the packet. a new recipe. No one asked for a new recipe. No one needed it. No one called for a new recipe. They've obviously cut costs. There's nothing wrong with it. Yeah, but this is ridiculous. Well, Aldi for the win again. Surely they had taste testers.

15:13Anna Williamson:Surely, Lou. Surely. But they're just not as good. They're not the same. I don't like it. No, I'm with you on that. Well, head to Aldi and pick yourself up a few fiestas. We've got a shit gift now from Claire. She says, Hey ladies, hope you're really well. I'm a pretty recent listener and yes Anna I'm clunge deep in the back catalogue don't you worry I thought I'd revive the shit gifs segment as I love them so much and I've been a victim to some proper shite in the past the best though was last Christmas when my partner got me an electric toothbrush and said your dentist will thank me babe and you know your sorry oh wow It was a moment I...

16:00Anna Williamson:She got an electric toothbrush and he said, your dentist will thank me, babe. And you know your morning breath isn't great. I love the next comment. She put, charming. Charming. I got him a PS5. A bloody PS5. I do use the toothbrush, to be fair, whilst fantasising about throwing it at his head. what a cheeky bastard and she got a toothbrush because she's got stinky got bad breath she's got halitosis she's got morning halitosis oh mate oh no words oh my god that is too good that is too bloody good right ask luana anything next from natalie hi lo animo i am currently sat at the pub with my friend sarah who introduced me to the podcast probably about march this year and good i'm a savvy bee deep she's a red wine deep and basically we have a question because when sarah first introduced me to the podcast she was saying about listening to the back episodes and obviously i've heard you saying it in like previous podcasts and I started out kind of listening from the date that I started listening and listening forwards and like joining the journey with you however she is currently going back through all of the back episodes and listening to those like intermittently like very fast she's now up to March 2024 and the situation is we're having this bit of a debate about when you say listen to the back episodes in what way do you envision people doing that is that through basically um going back through and listening to them all like and not keeping up with the current episodes versus what i was doing sorry please excuse that child i am just at the pub but versus listening to them and what i was doing was like listening to the current episodes and then listening to them in reverse yeah however she has a very good point in that actually when you're listening from 2020 onwards previous like to what was it dry lips what was it called dry lips loose lips oh loose lips and that was the way that she was doing it um and she's listened back from 2020 all the way through and she's not listening to any new stuff though she has sent in questions and we're not just too sure we're trying to settle the debate of what is the best way to do it i have subsequently folded to her method and I'm now going through all the back episodes but have FOMO over missing the new episodes anyway we love the podcast and we haven't managed to get tickets to the Troxy but would absolutely love to be there um and yeah love all that you do well I would do new episodes Monday and Thursday and then Tuesday Wednesday Friday Saturday Sunday listen to the back episodes literally that it's just when you've listened to your up-to-date episode and you want a little bit more go back go back and then fill in the gaps until the new episodes come out would you do it backwards as in like you'd listen to the current ones but then you'd go i'll listen to last week then i'll listen to the week before that or would you go from the very beginning no i'd go from the beginning beginning and work forward beginning yeah whilst also listening to current the ironic thing is if they're not listening to the current stuff they're not going to hear this answer for a couple of months.

19:31Anna Williamson:I know. So if this is now 2029, you are welcome. I also love the fact, dry lips. Dry lips. We missed a trick on that one. We actually did. Yeah, love it.

19:47We've got a message from Anonymous, so Victoria Sponge. Hi girls, absolutely love the pod and wondered if you could help make some noise about an issue I think is a joke cake sheds what a lovely idea someone local bakes some very nice sweet treats and sells them from a little shed outside their house local councils oh local councils need to go in the bin I've seen this on Instagram that people are making money from it so want people to apply I mean where is the joy in life anymore where's the joy of selling your eggs from your hand sucking everything or your honey from your hive or your little bake where it's just bollocks.

20:28So local councils are now wanting people to apply for street trading licences. And because of the cost, they're being forced to close down. Why are local councils ruining the fun? Come on, it's some cakes. They're not making millions. It's not like no one has ever sold anything from outside their house before. Anyway, I'm not a cake shed owner, but I do love to support local business and buy some cake. Any help on making some noise about this would be greatly appreciated. I'd still do it and fuck the council, to be honest.

20:54Anna Williamson:I would do it. Do you know what? and it's like my mum is always, my mum's got a little stool outside her house in her village and because mum and dad live on a small holding, they've always got like lots of fruit and stuff like that. People are always putting out baskets of eggs or apples or plums or whatever it may be. I've got a lot of lettuces at the moment. Yeah, we're always selling. The kids did it the other day actually. They went round there and they set up a plum stool because they got loads of surplus plums and Enzo did something. He made five and a half quid in an hour. Yeah, it's like, as you say, we're in the bloody joy out of entrepreneurship.

21:29It is. It just kills the fucking joy. Joy out of entrepreneurship. All this bloody red tape that England insists on. It's bullshit. Anyway, we've got a voice note, little pleasure from Mike Oxlong. Mike Oxlong.

21:45Anna Williamson:That's a good one. Hello, my lovely. I just thought I'd voice message in. I'm just away with my daughter, doing a bit of glamping. and we just signed in to a Netflix and I don't know what it is but you know when you sign in to a Netflix and it's someone else's account like the pleasure I get from like going on to all their accounts and all their names and just like clicking play on some random shit just because it gives me the pleasure of knowing that when they log on to their Netflix at home and they're like who the fuck's been watching this who the fuck's been watching that it's just like such a weird pleasure that I get from it.

22:22Anna Williamson:I don't know if anyone else gets that. But anyway, give me an ominous name. Call me Mike Oxlong from Moistashire. Bye. Bye. I just think anything that can be inconvenient is always fun. Right. Confession time. I've never told anyone this, but first up, hi Luanna and Imo. I absolutely love the pod and have listened every week since the loose lips days. Now dry lips. Dry lips. You can refer to it. Dry lips. Thank you, babe. I've fallen in love with my co-worker, who is 10 years younger than me. He's 22. I'm 32. He's in a long-term relationship. I'm married. He has absolutely no idea how I feel. Oh, how I feel.

23:01Anna Williamson:Neither does my husband. And I genuinely cannot stop thinking about him. Oh, you're infatuated, darling. You'll get over it soon. Yeah. Little crush. We work very closely together. He makes me laugh, supports me when I'm sad or having a difficult day, and has become a huge source of support in my life. I think about him constantly and find myself wanting to be around him every day. Oh, no. currently on holiday and I'm miserable without him which made me realize just how deep this has become so should I act on it no no just don't trust us don't uh all kinds of hell will be let loose I love my husband and our life together but we've been together 10 years and married for two and I just don't feel the same way anymore despite desperately wanting to we never have sex and I'm starting to worry our relationship has run its course I'm confused is it a crush it's become all-consuming because I'm unhappy in my marriage yes I would suspect so my love or have I genuinely me fallen for someone else and most importantly what on earth should I do please help thanks so much girl you need to you need a you need to rein it back and work this out with your husband well I think as well is that you probably are you know what I do think that in married life you go through peaks and troughs right and you're probably in a bit of a trough at the minute and what you should do is focus this energy on on trying to get your marriage back up climbing that peak because it's it you know this isn't healthy and honestly it would come to nothing I would think and you're going to blow your life up so it's really really tough but um you need to yeah cut it off and focus on on your proper life focus on the marriage yeah whether that is or isn't gonna work give it a chance to find out either way before I work in affairs and trust me I'm very rarely come across someone that makes a decision of having an affair and it ending well so save yourself all of that pain by just figuring out whether you are in or out of your current relationship good luck next up hey girls found you on tiktok about three weeks ago and since then i've not looked back i'm completely hooked and have you on pretty much all of my waking hours and i have a confession for you i've been telling my husband i go to an 8 30 a.m pilates class every Saturday for the last two years.

25:11That's a lie. I actually sit with a coffee and a muffin in my local park and scroll my phone in silence for one hour while wearing gym clothes. It's the highlight of my week and I will take this to my grave.

25:27Anna Williamson:I love that for you. I love that for you. Exactly. Exactly. Your little moment, little sanctuary. You do you, honey. You don't need to tell anybody where you are all the time do you know what add on a yoga class at the end babe take two hours exactly take two hours well that's it for this week's lana toti extra some absolute glorious gold content in there remember we'll be back with your usual dose of luana on monday please keep sending in you really do make our episodes our email is luana at everythingluana.com you can also hop onto whatsapp and send us a voice note or a message our number is 075 215 64640 don't forget to rate subscribe follow comment and all of that guffage we'd be really really grateful and of course share your favorite episodes of luana with your mates and get them in our merry little gang too uh have a good girls love you all smelly later adios This has been a global production.