' Taking back absolutely everything I said... iPads have a place'

20:17Anna Williamson:time and uh only because lou at this point guys started messaging our group chat which can oh let's just say i was actually crying at this point in bed because she hadn't fessed up has she she was like let me get the chat oh this was why because this is why because um we were very kindly asked to be this is what made me laugh we were kind of we were asked to be uh sam and pete asked us to join this day in relevant o2 gig which some of you may have been to which was amazing We couldn't go, unfortunately, because I was at a family wedding. So Lou then obviously had gone away to go with the children.

20:51Anna Williamson:So then she, at this point, I was in bed from the wedding, having had a full of love and an Aperol. And then Lou was like, by the way, she was like, meanwhile, I could have been at the O2. And then she's sending through these messages of, and we were like, where are you? She's like, I'm in Skeggy in a caravan. Which again, just want to point out for anyone gets all eggy with us, which is wonderful. I did caravan holidays. It's just what Lou was sending back was fucking hilarious. So basically, yeah, Anna's like, this is how the chart went. Oh, don't. I couldn't stop laughing. Could have been on stage at the O2.

21:32Yeah, so we were talking about the O2 and then I send him pictures and I said, meanwhile, we're in a caravan and I send the picture of Andrew.

21:44Anna Williamson:Can we post this but blur out Andrew? Oh, he'll kill me. Will he kill you? Well. Just describe it. The big one. Can we put emoji over his face? Just total emoji him then. Okay. So basically, oh, I don't know. No, I think he'll, no. No, I don't think he'll like it. I think we've crossed a line. And the reason why I'm saying it is because then I'll get it in the neck for crossing a boundary. So I sent them a picture. So funny. The bedrooms were quite tight in the caravan, okay? But think proper granny caravan. Yeah, it's a granny caravan. But we're like, Anna's pissed at this wedding. And I'm like, meanwhile, we're in a caravan and I'm cracking up.

22:20By this point that I told you this, it was 20 to 11, right? Right. My next message, I failed on the caravan and I'm in the lorry because I can't share that tiny bed because I could feel every spring with Andrew. So he's in the caravan, right? So I got in the bed with caravan. Andrew moves a lot in his sleep and it really annoys me. and you could just feel every single movement in this bed. And I was fucking tired because I'd driven five hours up there and I just thought, I can't sleep in this bed with you. You're going to drive me nuts. So basically I bailed on him in the caravan. I said, if you don't mind, I'm going to go and sleep in my nice lorry where I'll get all quiet and nice.

23:03But he was like, sure, darling, whatever you need, darling. He's like, that's fine, you get a good night's sleep. He'll get a good night's sleep. We're not going to be waking each other up. So then I text from the Four Seasons in Florence to here, of keeping it real. Could have been on the stage at the O2. So Anna is like, oh my God, I cannot stop laughing about this. I put poor Andrew, the little things I do. I start sending, but we had a nice time, fish and chips in the caravan. I thought you were going to get divorced. I'm sending the pictures. Anyway, I'm like, Anna then puts, may I ask why you're all in a caravan?

23:33I'm dead. I said, I thought it would be fun. Anna puts, and where is this? That's what I say. We're in Skegness. Anyway, we were basically dying of laughter. Now, the funniest thing was Andrew had been in Malta and he'd flown in that morning from Malta. He'd got back home. He'd gone to pick the kids up from school. He'd then had a four and a half hour journey up there in a car with the kids who don't have iPads anymore to entertain them because I've smashed their iPads up.

24:09Anna Williamson:Got it! Rethinking your life choices right now. So basically, he just had utter hell, right? And then Hilda responds to the chat because she's in the chat. And mum goes, I can't stop laughing. Meanwhile, Hilda's bagged the cutest cottage, Emma Mattress, on the bed, hot tub in the garden. Having a lovely old time. Then she sends them a flurry of pictures. Lovely peaceful night, flurry of pictures. Now, then what happened is, Clemmie, I said to Andrew. Oh, yeah, I don't know the rest of this. I said to Andrew, if Clemmie wakes up, she'll go nuts that I'm not in the caravan. Because Clemmie's very attached to me.

24:54She's a proper mummy's girl. We were like, what's the likelihood she'll wake up? Not likely. I mean, she sleeps through. Well, I'm fast asleep in my lorry. And suddenly, ping, I wake up. I can hear Clemmie and she's coming. she's coming across that caravan park like a bat out of hell right so andrew then i fly out the lorry because i'm thinking she's waking everyone up the place is full and there's andrew all disheveled obviously just had to drag clothes on himself and kemi basically like in bits screaming and i'm like kemi come in the lorry shh be quiet shush she cried she's crying she's a what's wrong she's got i think she had like a bit of an ear infection no she suffers with her ears quite badly, Clemmie.

25:39Anyway, so I get her on the lorry. I had no children's ibuprofen. I made her swallow an adult tablet. Did you? She's seven. It said from age 12. I thought, well, it's only one. She'll be fine. She's quite tall. See if you can swallow this tablet. So she's like, and anyway, then I get her like hot water bottles, start boiling the kettle, put the hot water bottles on her ear. So basically, she then manages to go back to sleep. With you? Well, she's got a separate bed. So we're in separate beds in the lorry. I can't sleep with Clemmie. She drives me mad as well. I'm quite funny about sleeping with people, to be honest.

26:09Tism. Tism. So, anyway, but I then can't sleep because Clemmie is, like, so fucking noisy when she sleeps. And it's not her fault. She was clearly in pain. And as she was sleeping, she was holding her ear going, oh, oh, oh. Like, so you could, she was in pain, like, in her sleep. Like a little guinea pig. Yeah, well, eventually, at half three in the morning, she woke up and she goes, Mummy, it's popped, it feels better. So I was like, well, that's good. And I'd read online it, like, needed to pop or something. So I was like, well, that's good, darling. You can go back to sleep now. No. Clemmie stayed awake.

26:42And she was like, I'm awake now. And I was like, I haven't actually really been to sleep, Clemmie. You need to go to sleep. For like three days. Yeah. Well, at that point, I thought you can have my fucking iPad to watch. Yeah, done. So I gave her my iPad and Netflix.

26:55Anna Williamson:She's back. The iPad is back. I was like, why have I smashed up those iPads? Regretting every life decision, taking back up, See everything I said on the other week's pod. iPads have a place. I'm still not. I am still not buying my kids. But that's why we love you, Lou, because you're the first to then go back around about and go, fuck that. Gave her my iPad. Anyway, then at six, she woke me up. So I had about two and a half hours sleep. I think, OK, today's a new day. Bit windy. A little bit windy that day. Get up. Lovely cafe at Field Farm. We all have a nice breakfast. There's bacon, sarnies, beans on toast.

27:30Oh, dreamy. Get all the horses ready. off we trot hot to trot we're heading to the beach okay now my horse Tomato hadn't been ridden that much she'd been out of work she was a bit lame Tomato's a very energetic horse let's say she's leaping about left right and centre I can't help anyone who's on their horses Clemmie's fine she's a really good rider Indy has decided she also wants to ride so she's on our other pony who's very good Chase is on Champ who's a good pony but Chase wouldn't be as experienced at me is leading the horses, helping them when you're on horseback. My dad's quite good with horses.

28:07We're all walking to the beach. Here we go. Four of us are on the horses. I say to my dad, Dad, can you do up Indy's girth? Indy would, our class, as a very nervous rider. She's not big on riding, but she'll get on if it's a little walk somewhere. So dad goes over to do the horse's girth up. I've already tried to help. It scared Indy because tomatoes like leaping everywhere. and as dad's trying to do the girth up and he's not overly experienced so the girth is the bit that goes under the belly which keeps the saddle in place the pony steps back steps on my dad's foot my dad stacks it he falls over he's now on the ground where the girth then come loose Indy's plonked on the floor so now dad and Indy are now on the floor Indy's crying my dad's effing and jeffing because he thinks the pony's broken his foot I can't help anyone, right?

28:59Because Tomatoes gone nuts. Klami's getting pissed off. She just wants to go to the beach. It was a fucking disaster. Anyway, I get off. Andrew's now holding Tomatoes. She's still leaping around like a nutter. I've then got Indy. I'm like, come on, darling, you're fine. You get back on the penny. Rah, rah, rah. Proper horsey mum. So Dad's fucking in a bad mood now. He's gone back. He's no longer walking to the beach. He's got a broken foot. But Andrew's like, fucking horses. Why is he so fucking dangerous? He's out. Why is he doing? He's so fucking windy. Oh, my God. That would have totally triggered anxious Andrew.

29:33Oh, anxious Andrew was out to play. He would have kicked in at that point. Anyway, I'm like, it's fine. Let's crack on. Here we go. I'm fucking exhausted, right? You've had to. And I thought, it's windy. This is the last thing I want to be doing now. So the ponies are spooky. Ponies are all spooky. Right, so we head off. We get five minutes. It's about a 15-minute walk to the beach. She's got five minutes down the road. Indy, I don't want to go anymore. Right, fine. So we all turn back. We're all now walking back. And Clemmie says, it's okay, mummy. It is a bit windy. Let's just go around their cross-country course.

30:06They've got a great cross-country course. I'm like, okay, darling. Let's just do that then. Right, so Indy goes back. Well, Clemmie then takes her little pony around the cross-country course and then decides that she wants to get on the other little pony, which Indy was on. That's all fine. So we're going around. I'm bucking and rearing. I'm going sideways. where I'm just of no use to anyone. And then we're like going over the jumps. Well, totally out of character, but I think because it was so windy, the pony that Clemmie was on, who is safe as houses, decides that he is going to bolt. So he fucks off at full canter and all I see is Clemmie going around this corner.

30:43I'm leaping all over the place trying to get after her. And then I just... Andrew's having a breakdown. Chase then goes after Clemmie. Well, Andrew luckily had taken the other pony back with Indy. My mum and dad are there. Kemi then falls off. Oh, no! Round the corner. And it was at that point I thought, do you know what? Fuck this. I'm going home. So do you know what, guys? I only...

31:06Anna Williamson:I didn't know about any of this. I went home. So I didn't know any of this until right now. All I knew was later on that day, Lou and I had to do a little meeting about something, just to do with our diaries. And Lou just had a text message going, hi, babes, just to let you know, I'm back home now sacked off Skeggy just in case you need to chat and I was like that's a story and now I've heard it and do you know what I felt really bad because lovely Danielle fulfilled far and messaged me and she went fly and visit them and I was like it wasn't anything no about the place it was just the whole fucking situation it was I have to say I think next time I'll book far enough in advance so I get their nice cottages I think that might help I mean what I love about this the only person who wasn't complaining about and it was Andrew.

31:48Anna Williamson:It was Andrew. He was loving it. He was loving life because I actually sent him a text message. I sent him a text message going, I'm cracking up. I said, I've told your wife that she's teetering on a divorce and he replied back to me going, not at all. I love a caravan park. It reminds me of my childhood. I looked in one. I loved it. He was having a lovely time. He was. Well, I wasn't. I was fucking tired. The kids are driving me nuts. The horses. Anyway, on the way back, Andrew was smart. He came in the lorry with me. Oh, I love that. So my parents had to suffer. Good. The kids with no iPads.

32:18Anna Williamson:Your dad with his dicky foot. Your mum and her boot. I mean, the whole experience was just brilliant. It was. And I said to Chase, it was the first time Chase had been away with us. And I said, Chase, I have to be honest. I said, I promise next time you come away with us, it will be different. Sun, bit more luxury. Yeah. But it was great. Look, it's great doing things like that. It is. But I will be going back, not with my children, only with my friends. It's definitely a friends and horses type of holiday. You have to choose the right people. I love a bit of. Can't be asked to take my kids then.

32:47Anna Williamson:No, honestly, caravanning and all of that, camping is brilliant. I think you've just got to go with the right people. I went to Latitude. I loved it because the little ones weren't there. Anyway. Listen, Imo has said, because Imo isn't here, she's in America, but she has wanted us to share this with you, everybody, because obviously we love RMZ. At time of recording, Norm, this is the dog, still has the shits, but it's only one day since we last recorded. So for those listening to this week, later thinking, holy Christ, that's bad, it's not that bad, except it is because I've barely slept in three days.

33:18Can we just say, that is an Imo disclaimer. She's not going to be able to cope with a baby. She needs to knock that on the head to get some llamas. Well, I think it's a good test. Right, so this is her. Did you know with Imo? Oh, this is coming from someone. Right, go on then. Hey Luanimo, on the subject of medicine boxes, there is a way to know whether it's the leaflet side or not.

33:45Anna Williamson:Go on, because this is my bugbear. My bugbear. I opened a packet of iProfen the other day. Leaflet side. It's always the leaflet side. If you look at the ends of the cardboard box, one side will usually be plain and simple. Sometimes it's just a barcode on expiry date. The other side will be printed and decorated, often to match the front of the box. That's right, yeah. You want to open it from the decorated side, as this will make sure the leaflet stays out your way. Photos attached, which Imo has forgotten to put in, but Seb from Congleton, thank you. Well, I'm going to test that when I get home, because I swear I open it from the branded side, not the barcode-y side.

34:20Anna Williamson:Right, well, I'm going to test that, but thank you. Right, let's muff hunt into messages. First up, message from Danny. Hi, Luanna. I love the pardon. Ah, that jizz. I've got a funny mammogram story. Well, it is funny now. I live in Dubai. Lou loves a bit of Dubai, obviously. With your golden visa. Little Rezzy. Little Rezzy over there. She says she lives in Dubai as well, Lou. And here you can have mammograms at the age of 40. Just a couple of years to go, kidder. Do you get yours? It's so good, though. We don't do this on the NHS here. We do have mammograms. Not from 40. When is it, actually?

34:52Is it 50? I'm 50.

34:53Anna Williamson:I can't remember. Bex, sorry, you're slipping into Wimo's shoes now. What age in the UK do you get your NHS mammogram, please, babes? I'm going to wait for the answer until I continue. Oh. Ask her to be too. She's on it. She's on it. But just want to say, it's very important to have your mammograms. It is. Angiosmears and all of that. Three ages of 50 and 71. 50 and 71. Told you. You get your NHS mammogram. But you get them at 40 in Dubai. Paid for insurance, she said. So I thought, well, why not? I'm 40. Also, if you do have insurance, medical insurance, do do this shit. Do you know what I mean?

35:25Anna Williamson:Do this shit. My friend Ro lives in America. You should do that. They have an annual dermatologist appointment. It's so important. She said, I've pulled up in the hospital, choosing to park for free in the hospital car park. Free parking in Dubai. Yeah, exactly. as opposed to paying£4 for valet. I know, right? I'm new here and it's so immense. I mean, valet parking in a hospital. And people wonder why they're leaving in droves to go to Dubai. Well, quiet. And off I pop to the breast unit. I feel fine. I'm not nervous or anxious or anything as this was just a proactive health check. I hadn't felt any lumps or bumps.

35:59Anna Williamson:The texts were lovely and there I am having the photos taken all fine. I'm about 10 minutes in and I start to feel really hot. I think I'll just let them take this image whilst my right boob is smushed into the sandwich press and I'm looking over my right shoulder. And then I'll say, I need to sit down. Next thing I know, I'm waking up to what seems like hundreds of people flapping around. It's horrible when you faint. I've only fainted once. She says, I fainted. I hit my head on the desk behind me and locked myself out. I was out for so long that suddenly the room is filled with male EMTs. I wake up to the tech ladies frantically trying to cover me up because my boobs are still out.

36:37Anna Williamson:Oh, her boobs are out. I couldn't care less, but we're in an Islamic country, right? I'm five foot nine, so they needed the blokes to get me onto a gurney and rush to A &E because as lovely as those tiny Filipino ladies were, they're not picking me up. I don't know whether it was the jet lag. I'd gone back from Australia the day before. Dehydration or the fact that due to a language barrier, the text said stop breathing instead of hold your breath for the images. I think this is all combined, right? Caused me to faint, but hey-ho, I had to have staples in my head. Damn. And I had such horrific vertigo for two weeks after.

37:09Anna Williamson:I had to have a brain MRI to rule out any problems. I'm all clear, though, and I just thought you'd love to hear the story. Look at Staples and I had a brain MRI from a mammogram. I'm obviously happy that I don't have breast cancer. Hooray! But bearing in mind, I didn't think I had it the first place. I'm not sure this whole ordeal was worth it. I couldn't wash my hair for two weeks or get sweaty. It's 45 degrees outside. And I'm a PT. Oh, my gosh. don't keep me anonymous my name is Dani and I live in Dubai photos attached and by the way having your head stapled feels exactly like having your head stapled oh no keep going girls we love you oh and it looks like having your head stapled oh my god Dani oh my god she actually has like a cartoon bandage around her head literally like a comic strip oh Dani Dani you poor thing oh Dani that's awful but listen don't let that put you off having mammograms I once fainted when I was heavily pregnant, had acupuncture to try and get it moving along a bit.

38:10Anna Williamson:And I fainted during the acupuncture. I remember literally fainting onto the floor and then vomiting. And this poor lady, you know the whale I was when I was pregnant with Enzo, right? Imagine this poor lady trying to pull me up. I'm vomiting every... I felt awful. Really? Do you think it was the acupuncture? I felt that surge. Really? It was obviously put in a part of my body that didn't agree with it. It was like reject. It did. Big time. Didn't bring a labour on either. Didn't. No, it bloody well didn't. All for nothing. Right, we've got a message from a non. So Emma Roy. Yay, got it. Says, be honest.

38:45Am I a mean wife? Oh, go on then. Hi, Luanna ladies. Love you loads and all that jazz. Please do keep me a non. Long time listener. And what I love most is the brutal honesty. So that's what I'm asking for here. Tell me like it is. Bit of background. I'm perimenopausal with a pretty good career. Mum and wife. You know, always on the go. And honestly, my libido is through the floor, like plummeted. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm always looking after someone other than myself. The opposite end of that is my husband with an always on, ready to go, supercharged sex drive. In all areas of our lives, my husband and I have really strong, open, honest approach to life.

39:23We are each other's supporters. We back each other no matter what. But when it comes to sex, we cannot have an honest conversation. And I have tried. It goes one of two ways. One, he understands what I'm saying for about 48 hours. Or two, we have a huge argument because I should want to please him and let him do what makes him happy, regardless of how I actually feel. He expects some form of sexual encounter every day. Okay. oh my god though he says he doesn't it's implied and honestly if i get a night off a week i'm oh my god i'm bloody grateful every night just feels like another task to tick off for someone now rather than to be in the mood there is a lot of stress and anxiety if i don't put out and he makes his frustration known being off or grumpy and honestly i'd rather do what's needed to get some bloody sleep and because i do think it's important to be there for your partner I'm touched out.

40:18Every touch in the day is perceived by me to be fuelled with sexual intent. Every passing contact is a boob graze or a butt slap. Oh, it's a right set. Oh, this, I couldn't deal with this. Or a butt slap and so on. I just miss a nice hug and a kiss with no intention. It's got to the point where I hate being intimately touched anywhere, but I cannot show anything but pleasure and interest or another argument will start. I've taken to scratching, pinching or digging my nails into myself whilst he, God, this is really awful, whilst he touches my breast just to stop myself from pushing him away. Some positions even make me shake because I feel too vulnerable.

40:58This is really sad. I should also add, since having kids, I don't have the same feeling down there that I used to. That's very normal, by the way, I just want to say. Ditto, ditto. So really that interaction for me is more about intimacy and connection than anything else. I'm very much attracted to my husband and in all other ways we have a great relationship I do love him so much but I don't know how to tackle this am I being a frigid miserable grump no there are definitely words that your husband has said to you and should shut up and be grateful he adores me that way because I am lucky oh he's definitely said that hasn't he or do I have a point here is it too much I do recognise that I might need some help to reframe my body's response and panic to touch now, but I'm not sure what the help would be to even ask for it.

41:47So any guidance would be great. P.S. on Miss Head Lyrics, I always hear your Widow of the Week as Widow of the Week. Oh, people do, yeah. Widow, everybody says that. The first time I heard that, I thought, shit, that's dark. Maybe we should start, though, a Widow of the Week. I mean, if there's a call for it, let us know. We do have a few that listen. Anyway, love you, girl. Thanks, Sinon. Do you want to unpack this first?

42:09Anna Williamson:Yeah, go on then. um so firstly um there is a huge disconnect now when it comes to the physical and the emotional connection you and your husband have you absolutely do not just have to put up with it and deal with this your husband um is being unreasonable um he is not being unreasonable in the sense that he wants to have sex okay because all relationships uh have have different dynamics you go through ebbs and flows but it sounds like there is no empathy or understanding from him about how you are feeling. Everyone does change. I remember, like Lucid as well, I changed after I had babies. I'm now perimenopausal and I'm definitely very different now when it comes to my sexual urges and my libido.

42:49Anna Williamson:I think as well, every relationship, you never can keep that, well, he obviously is, but that initial, from my experience, is, you know, To keep up that same level of libido is very, very different. When you're rushing in the house and pulling your knickers to the side to have a quickie because you're so lustful over each other. that does change but also what is probably important to mention here is that it is different for men and women when it comes to libido and what he is after very clearly from your message is sexual gratification i'm not saying he doesn't love you and all that kind of stuff but he clearly needs the sexual release the sexual gratification but typically what women need is the emotional connection and it's very important to remember that the majority of sex is it has to be psychologically linked i'm the same and actually i hope you won't mind me saying but i i actually had to have this conversation with my own husband that um you know a quickie a wham bam thank you ma 'am and then him possibly wondering why i'm not fully into it and i've just kind of you know i'm in it but i'm also just kind of you crack on me you clearly want it more than i do yeah but then oh why aren't you into it it's like because you've gone from literally one to a hundred and i work differently i need the and typically women not just women as well but but typically it is women need more emotional stimulation in order for the intimacy to then come.

44:05Anna Williamson:It's literally like pulling a petrol mower, you know, and going from one to zero. And nothing's been, you haven't been warmed up. You are carrying stress. Well, guess what? That's a libido smasher. You're perimenopausal. Guess what? That's a libido smasher. What you need is to find intimacy in other ways, which will then unlock and naturally lead to you possibly feeling more enamoured physically. But what's happening is the disconnect between you and your husband. Quite frankly, he either has a choice to listen to you, to listen to what you need, or you're perfectly within your rights to say, this is not working for me.

44:40Anna Williamson:And until we find another way to communicate, then I'm out. I've done a lot of work recently. I did a... I mean, every day it's a bit much. It is. When you're trying to work and cook kids, cook kids, sorry, cook dinner for kids and husband and look after a house, fucking tired at the end of the day. You are. You said you've tried to talk to him. how that disconnect i would honestly say to you you guys need to go and see a therapist and a really good therapist could help to mediate between you two to help this conversation become a productive one for him and for you to find a compromise on this um i find more and more now people that are getting into their perimenopausal kids and they're knackered and this disconnect particularly in a heterosexual couple needing to find other ways to communicate because this disparity is really quite common but this is not your fault you shouldn't be putting up menopausal they're either really horny or not at all yeah and i think it yeah i mean i can be some days where i'm absolutely repulsed by sex and i'm just dead but equally and i've said to you know sometimes if you know alex comes up to me and jokes around you know does the whole thrust and i'm like seriously right now you gotta warm me up mate because i ain't doing that you know and it's fine sometimes you're happy to do it as well but you are obviously feel empowered to say know yes whereas this lady it's doesn't feel empowered yeah and you're actually being bullied yeah you are you need to take back control because you should only do it if you want to do it because it's so personal and intimate it's not nice to think that you're doing something that you don't want to do and you're going to start avoiding it more and more yeah exactly and you will start to now associate sex which you already have done associate sex with something really quite propulsive and avoidant.

46:21Anna Williamson:The fact that you're digging your nails in. I've been there, actually. I know what that feels like. And shit does change. I think your husband needs a bloody big wake up call, quite honestly. This is quite, at the moment, it's all about him. And he's actually weaponising sex because the minute you say no, he's then getting arsey and grumpy. That's stonewalling, right? That's not okay. Call him out on what it is. Say the only way to get through this and you want to because you love him and fancy and all that kind of stuff. But if he isn't prepared to communicate with you, We all have different communication styles.

46:50Anna Williamson:If he isn't prepared to listen to you on what you need, then quite frankly, he can go whistle for sex. Exactly. Try some therapy as well. I would recommend it. Give him a sock and some lube. Right. Give him the back door if he doesn't listen. Message next from Anonymous. So Agnes, hi Luanamo. I had to write in after hearing the story about the woman in France whose son walked in on her and her husband. Oh yeah. Mine doesn't involve kids, but it does involve teenage hormones, a furious mother and some truly traumatic encounters in a forest. So as Adam would say, settle in, peeps. I was 16 with my first proper boyfriend.

47:28Anna Williamson:We'd made a plan on MSN Messenger. Oh, remember that. Back in the day, Lou. For me to sneak over during my free period at school because he had a free house. Translation, perfect opportunity to christen the bed. Again, we did the deed. He dashed off to the bathroom to clean up and I was lying there naked, smug as anything, until the front door slammed. His mum had come home. She began to call his name. Nothing, just silence. Side note, she'd already found our filthy MSN chats once before and told us to break it off and focus on our GCSEs, not each other's genitals. So me being there was basically illegal.

48:02Anna Williamson:Oh, she'd been banned. Yeah. Boyfriend? Well, still locked in the bathroom, hyperventilating. His mum stomping towards the bedroom door like the Terminator. And me, naked, quivering, hiding under the duvet. Like a chihuahua in a thunderstorm. Oh my God. Oh my God, I'm so here for this. She burst in, clocked the suspicious lump of the bed. And what followed was a literal tug of war over the duvet. Her yanking off of me and me clinging on for dear life. She screeched for me to get out while screaming up the stairs at her son who was still hiding in the bloody bathroom. What a dick. What a pussy.

48:40Anna Williamson:I scrambled to the edge of the bed to shut the door so I could put my clothes on. but she pushed it back open and stood there in the doorway, arms folded, glaring at me like Judge Judy. Oh my gosh. Humiliated, doesn't even cover it. I bolted out of the house in tears and ran straight to my best friend's house. I had thought that was the end of it. Oh no. When I finally got home to where I lived with my parents. Oh no! Oh, she's a woman on a mission. Isn't she, mate? Her car was parked outside. She wasn't messing around, was she, Lee? Straight in. Pure dread. I waited around the corner for them to leave and then I legged it straight up the stairs when my mum yelled after me, what the fuck is going on?

49:17Anna Williamson:I hope you used a Jurex. Honestly, that sentence is tattooed on my soul forever. Turns out she dragged her son round to confess everything to my parents. She's got the son there and the son is telling her parents how he's been fucking her. Oh my God, that he's just ragged their daughter. Not only that, she whipped out the messages she'd seen and read them aloud like filthy poetry. I mean, oh my gosh, I couldn't look my parents in the eyes for weeks. Naturally, we didn't stop seeing each other. We just relocated to the local forest because nothing screams romance like twigs up your arse. Our highlights included, here we go, the fox incident.

49:59Anna Williamson:Mid-doggy, me pressed against a tree only to discover the trunk was covered in fox shit. It's the worst smell of fox shit. It is, it's so strong. Which are printed all down my chest. Nothing kills the mood, quite like a farmyard. the gay guys encounter. Two men walked in, so we hid in the bushes, assuming they'd passed through. Nope. They started sucking each other off right in front of us. This forest is a high for back to it. Where is it? We're going. We were stuck there, half naked like creepy life-sized gnomes, watching live woodland porn, until we built up the courage to leg it. The mystery shitter.

50:33Anna Williamson:A man came sprinting through, whipped down his trousers, unleashed the runniest shit known to mankind all over the forest floor, Pulled them back up and carried on walking like nothing had happened. We stood there, speechless. Oh, my God. There is a happy ending. Fifteen years later, aged 30 and we're still together, never been more in love. And now we have our own house where we can finally shag in peace. No foxes, no strangers and definitely no diarrhoea drive-bys. And yes, the parents, soon to be official in-laws, are now on side and are actually encouraging us to shag more for some grandchildren.

51:08Anna Williamson:How the tables have turned, Ziz. Oh, my God. This is so good. This is so funny. My cheeks hurt. Oh, please give me the granny name, Agnes, although I'm sure my friends will know exactly who I am. Thank you for sharing my stories, and please keep making us laugh through all of life's ridiculousness. Love you guys. That's great. What a story. Brilliant. Oh, that's nice. They're still together. What a brilliant story. Remember, if you want to get in touch, you can email us. Our email's Luanna. Everythingluanna.com. You can also drop us a WhatsApp on 07745 266 947. Now on to some newsy bits. I actually saw this.

51:44Did you? Go on. So Huntington's disease has been successfully treated for the first time ever. So it's such a cruel and devastating disease and it runs through famously. It kills your brain cells. So it resembles a combination of dementia, Parkinson's and motor neurones disease. That means literally the worst. The worst. So an emotional research team became very tearful. They described that data shows the disease was slowed by 75 % in patients. That's amazing. So basically someone, a decline that you'd normally expect in a person of one year actually is taking four years now with treatment, which has given patients decades of good quality life.

52:26Oh, this is wonderful news. It's a type of new gene therapy, which has to be given during a 12 to 18 hour. surgery, brain surgery. The first symptoms of Huntington's tend to appear in your 30s and 40s and it's then fatal within two decades. But it's a really, really... What an amazing progression. ...awful disease. But they're saying treatment is likely to be very expensive. However, it's a moment of real hope in a disease that hits people in their prime and devastates families. I mean, you'd do everything you could, wouldn't you, to access this treatment?

53:00Anna Williamson:It's amazing. So basically you can have this super expensive surgery but data showed that three years after having it, there's an average of 75 % slowing of the disease. Gosh. Isn't that amazing? This is incredible. This is the result we've been waiting for, said Professor Ed Wild, who's a consultant neurologist at the National Hospital for Neurology and Neurosurgery at UCLH. There was every chance that we would never see a result like this. So to be living in a world where we know it's not only possible, but the actual magnitude of the effect is breathtaking. It's difficult to fully encapsulate the emotion.

53:29I mean, well done. He said he was a bit teary thinking about the impactic tumor. Well, let's just hope that this gets rolled out because approximately 75 ,000 people have Huntington's in the UK, US and Europe and hundreds of thousands carry the mutation, meaning that they will develop the disease. I mean, just knowing that there is hope.

53:49Anna Williamson:I mean, one will hope in the future that will become something that's available to more people. I hope so. That's amazing. But even just having a nibble of hope there, I think, is amazing. I don't know anyone that's had Huntington's, but I do MND and it's absolutely appalling to see someone just go. It's awful. So that's great news. We love a good news story. And then another quick news story, bankruptcy lawyer Mark Zuckerberg, Sue's Meta CEO, Mark Zuckerberg. There are two Mark Zuckerbergs in the world. What are the chances? It's also an American guy from Indiana. He's a bankruptcy lawyer. He filed a lawsuit against Mark Zuckerberg.

54:29The actual one. Because he shares a name with him and he keeps banning him. on his social platforms. So, right.

54:36Anna Williamson:Okay, so it's not easy being Mark Zuckerberg. Indiana bankruptcy lawyer. Whose life apparently has been negatively affected by sharing the younger Zuckerberg's name. Not only does he get over 100 emails every day. I mean, that would be annoying, wouldn't it? From people who think that they're writing to the Meta chief executive officer. But he can rarely make a reservation at a restaurant without getting hung up on because people mistake him for being a prankster. But the thing that irritates him the most is getting banned on Facebook and Instagram despite investing tens of thousands of dollars in ads for the simple reason that his name is Zuckerberg.

55:06Anna Williamson:He'll trade off his name because he's a bankruptcy lawyer. Of course, of course. Oh, my God. So he will trade off his... So he's spending on ads to promote Mark Zuckerberg. I'm not even funny. He probably needs to change his name. I think change your name just to Mark Zuckerberg. Yeah, just go with the Zuckerberg. Yeah, just take off. You're going to have to, mate. So since 2017, Mark Zuckerberg advertising page has been disabled five times for impersonating the Meta founder. It's an irritating feeling. knowing that he's been using the name for longer because he's older. He's been practising bankruptcy law since Facebook's Zuckerberg was three.

55:39I mean, he's the OG. He's lost 11 grand in ad fees as he never gets refunded when his page is disabled for impersonating him. Says, we've removed your page because you're trying to impersonate our founder. Nice try, fake Zook. This is the message the Indiana lawyer receives whenever his advertising page gets disabled. and he never gets the chance to prove he's Mark Zuckerberg. So after his latest ban, he's filing a lawsuit. He's just... I mean, you would if you were a lawyer, wouldn't you? He is a lawyer as well.

56:08Anna Williamson:This is very... So also, he says, if you happen to run into the younger... He sent this email to Meta. To Meta. If you happen to run into the younger, richer Mark Zuckerberg... This is what I thought. I thought, does the Meta one know about him? So tell him I said hi and he causes me great aggravation every single day, he said to Meta. so following lawyer Mark Zuckerberg's lawsuit and the buzz around it Meta has acknowledged the bizarre situation promising to find a solution at least they know about it now they've said there is they know that there's more than one Mark Zuckerberg in the world and they're trying to prevent this from happening again I mean it is a problem though isn't it wow I mean I suppose if you do have a name that is so associated with someone else so massively famous it is annoying but you have to change like if you're a performer what's it called yeah equity yeah and you have to then choose a different name if someone's got the same name as you.

56:56That's right, you can't have two of the same. You can't have two of the same, so... Frustrating. You might have to do it very frustrating. Well, you've been practising law since Zuckerberg was three. And also, he was the first one.

57:04Anna Williamson:It's got to be a bit of... You bit it like I was here first. I was here first. You changed your name, mate, not me. I don't think Zuckerberg will. It ain't going to happen. Right, it's now time for... It's the Widow of the Week! First up, Wendy is nominating wife Alex. Is it weird? I think my wife hasn't, is it weird? You know when you're not sure if you've started your period and it's that in-between part. Well, when my wife is driving, she'll put her hand down her pants, bring it back up and whatever is on her hand on her sock. Surely she's the only one that does this. No need to keep us anonymous.

57:37Anna Williamson:I'm Wendy. My wife is Alex. Love the pod and all that jazz. That's Grace. She's Grace. I don't do that and I have periods. I don't have periods. No, I just wait until I pull my kecks down and see it. That's weird. Let's see if Lola Licksalot is weirder. Lola Licksalot says, I never wear knickers unless I'm on my period. Then I wear big, fat granny pants. I cannot find comfortable knickers that don't fall down my C-section scar and don't give me a knicker line. So if I'm not on my period wearing something short or shorts, you can bet I'm commando. Am I a weirdo? No. My friend never wears knickers.

58:13Anna Williamson:My other friend also doesn't wear knick-knacks either. I like the feeling of a knicker. Well, I always say to her, I said, don't you get a bit juicy down there? A bit sort of juicy and smeary. Sometimes when I don't wear knickers at night, when I've got my little nightie on, when I walk, it sort of goes... Does anyone else come? Yeah, it does mine as well. Does it? Yeah. I'm so happy that's not just me. And I can hear it. It's squelchy. When I'm walking. If I've got knickers on, that doesn't happen. No, I love... We're both holding our vaginas. Yeah, we need a vagabond. You don't get that, Bex.

58:44That's because you're a kid. What's wrong with you? Ours are obviously buckets. Don't you ovulate? Don't you get squelchiness when you ovulate? But when you walk, do you not get like... I think you're both a bit loose. We're a bit loose. Right, on that note. Lucy goosey's over here. We're off. I'd say the period wife is a bit weird.

59:02Anna Williamson:Yeah, just wait till you've pulled your pants down and have a look, sweetie. Louis, Louis. That's a new one. Louis V. Louis V. Hello. Hello. Are you ranting today? I'm not ranting. You've got quite... I have got a sore neck. There you go. Rant. So I'm not going to rant. It might make my neck more sore. You've got to go and see George, your physio. Yeah, I might also try and get a tie. Maybe I can book it online. Do you want my lady? She's really good. Just don't ask her to kneel on you. I don't want that squasher. Thanks very much. Oh, well, she's very good. I don't want to be squashed. Can I have some of your lippy?

59:37Anna Williamson:No. Well, just give me your lippy. Guys, thank you for listening. Don't worry. Of course, we'll be back on Monday. You don't have to wait until then, though, because, of course, on Thursday, we have Luanna Totally Extra. We need you, Lufanians, as always. It's your episode for that one. So please do send in your emails to Luanna at everythingluanna.com. You can hop onto WhatsApp, send a voice note or a message. Our number is 07745 266 947. Now, we have some good housekeeping, Lu, as well. What else do they need to do? You need to go to our YouTube and subscribe. And also, if you want to interact with us, leave a comment on YouTube.

1:00:14We reply to every comment. Share it with your mates. share it with your mates please follow us on Instagram at everything underscore Luanna give us a little follow on this podcast wherever you listen to your podcast especially if you listen on Global Player tell someone about us make them listen give us a five star review and rating and we'll see you on Thursday bye guys

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