'The lady with the minty crotch'

28:23it's really made me laugh

28:31I mean I think for now it's that one isn't it I enjoyed that a lot you know what makes me laugh go on I just then go into my own little thought process that people are just listening and they're going about their day. She's fucking milking cows, this girl. And then she's like, just got to send this in. I love it. I love it. And she's like, who's that guy? Can I just say that? Honestly, the commitment is fantastic. It just really tickled me. Rachel, you've really picked me up. Come to her. Just come to her with the cows there. I would say, Amy, thank you. But due to the fact there were cows, there's a beautiful country accent going on there as well.

29:15For me right now, I think that's the one. to be. So it's time for Tear Up, Imps. Oh Jesus Christ, I've lost it already. Recco Secco, Recco Secco, have you got a recommendation? Tell it in this section. Brilliant. I love that. So, okay. It's the Recco Secco where me, Imo and Lou will give you our little recommendations on something of the week. It can be anything. Yes. So who wants to kick off? I'm going to kick off first. Something that actually, when I think about it, even now, in my sad state that I'm in, sad seasonal affective disorder. I feel like we're lifting you a bit though, which is good.

29:56I feel like I'm being lifted. Anyway, what really brings me joy, instant joy, something I experienced recently, Gladiator Live Tour. it was quite possibly one of the best things that I've ever taken the kids to or been to I cannot if you get the opportunity to go they're doing a tour it was at the O2 the one I went to but they're doing like a UK wide tour it was right do you remember like being little and on a Saturday night best thing ever best thing ever fish and chips sit down with your family you'd all gather around and you'd go are you the gladiator it was always the theme tune it was the dun dun dun dun dun Do you feel the power of the gladiator?

30:45Just on that. Do you have the skill or the thrill? Do you have the speed, the strength, the heart to be a winner? Sing it along. It's not for beginners. Deep down in your soul. Are you a gladiator? Kids of the 90s. Here we go. So, but it's not just the kids of the 90s. Go on. This is what I love. It is now the kids of the... Of today. Todaysies. Of the 20s. Of the 20s. Because my kids love it. And we went. And let me tell you, it was absolutely brilliant. It was just electric. The atmosphere was amazing. And was it full? Full. Brilliant. Love that. The foam hands are out. Oh! I wish... Did they do that?

31:35No, no. Did they do the... Yeah. Another one. Birds of dust. Because that's what they used to do. Up, up, down, down. Up, down, up, down. Honestly, it was so good. Love it. It was so, so good. And anyway, I did get invited. It was a press invite, so I got tickets for free. And I thought, oh, I will go because the kids love it. Well, I think I have more fun than the kids. Love that. It was absolutely brilliant. And then the next day, Agent Sam messaged me and she was like, was it good the gladiators because I've got tickets for tonight but I think I'm just going to stay in my PJs it's like cold I'm not really feeling it and I was like babes you need to get out of your PJs put those kids in the car and go I was like make a sign we didn't make signs people have made their homemade signs back in the days literally OG and I was like get the kids on it today make their little signs for their favourite and I said and go I was like honestly you're going to have the best time and she messaged me she was like oh my god it's the best thing I've ever been to honestly that is my record like you've got to go if you as a family love it it was just the most incredible nostalgic happy brilliance like proper wholesome it was just so good I want to go again you should go they're doing another one in London I was very kindly invited and I couldn't go I would like to I'll go again with you I think they've got another one in London on the 29th I'd love to.

33:02Love to. We should go. Honestly, it's like the most pun I've ever had at anything. I'm going to make signs next time. Well, let's do that. Anyway, now they've invited me in May to the Gladiator Experience, which is going to be in Birmingham. We should go and film it as the Luanna thing. Yes. Can we do it? Can we get into it? Can we do the... Because we're in with the PRs now. You do it. You're a Gladiator. You're the contestant. Guys. And they said to me, do you want to come in May? And I was like, yeah, absolutely. Can you please reply and say we'd all like to come? as our team do. It would be quite good if we could go and film it.

33:35Yeah. Wouldn't it? Yeah. Or we could just do a YouTube special. I just want to go and do it. I just love the gladiators. Love it. I think I want to be a gladiator. Be a gladiator. Anyway, I met two of them. They're fucking massive. They're like, those girls are pure Ripped. Muscle. They're huge. I mean, one of their thighs is like the width of me. Yes, they're huge. But it's not, they are muscle. They're ripped. And they're tall, like, really tall. Do you know what? Do you remember, though? back in the day, there was literally no higher celebrity status than being a gladiator. I loved Wolf. I just loved Wolf.

34:06Oh, my God. I fancied Wolf. I fancied Hunter. My brother fancied Jet. Everyone fancied Jet. Everyone loved Jet. Fun fact, Jet, Diane Udall, is with Agent Sam. Is she? Yeah, Agent Sam reps Diane Udall. No way. Maybe we could take her with us to the gladiator experience. We're taking a bloody oath. We'll see you on you, gladiators, and we will bring you Jet. We will bring you Jet, the OG. Well, great record, Lou. Love that. I'm going to keep on the same theme actually then because I think you're right especially you know I think anything that you can do to get out of your house with your kids even if you haven't got kids just have fucking fun right we all work hard we should play hard right we went to as a family Come Alive The Greatest Showman musical experience oh my gosh oh my gosh Emma you've been haven't you she's been too and I I did ask you weren't here I didn't ask you no you were away in Dubai no you were in Dubai well again probably like Lou I could not gas this up more again I'll be completely honest with you I was I was given some tickets for it but I would happily and I will be paying this hand over fist again to go as someone who loves musical theatre this was probably one of the best things I've ever seen it's experiential you'd call it so you like they've got this whole pre-show immersive event so you go in it's beautifully done you know what this sounds a bit snobby but what i loved about it was everything was done well and when you do something en masse you always worry that maybe the quality gets a bit it gets a bit can it get a bit tatty and a bit doggied it's been running for a while um but it was like the first day they'd opened you go to the bar and you get a proper glass or a cup of pink lemonade that's freshly brewed for you it's like everything is all sort of done properly isn't it and it's all you get to where is it it's in um southwest london yeah it's near what's it yeah near else near else court yeah what happened to else court isn't still flattened now mate is it flattened yeah it's flattened this um but it's brilliant the kids loved it we loved it you've got all the musical numbers from the greatest showman family days out yeah all the acrobatics like it was phenomenal so there's my record of the week okay okay mine is not one of those out and about ones mine is a tv show okay it's cold you're snuggling down you want to watch something good all her fault oh which is on sky slash now tv excellent premise yeah mother yeah goes to pick up her five-year-old child from a play date turns up at the address correct address woman at the address has not a scooby who she is why she's there not heard of this play date not heard of the child.

36:48What's gone on? This has got a bit of me written over this. What's gone on? She starts trying to call the mum who's been texting her to sort out this play date. Oh my God, can you imagine? Heart's gone cold. That's basically the premise. Kid's gone missing. What's gone on? It's fab. Is it? It's really good. Oh, this is a good record because it's fucking freezing outside. It's really good. All her thought on Sky. On Sky or on LTV. It's really, really good. there's also like it's really interesting like psychology wise also like there's various different men in it who are like various different levels of men and some of them are like oh and some of them are lovely and it's really interesting because it's I can feel quite like a commentary on like not gonna lie I am I mean I'm I'm a celeb to be watching but I'm gonna be watching all her photos as well love it do you know I find it really hard to watch things like I'm a celeb consistently whereas stuff like that I guess you can binge we binged it it's all out so you can binge it all oh see that's right up my street actually I've got a little romantic weekend away this weekend with Al that's what I'm going to watch watch it the height of romance well good who says Halloween only lasts one day with Wayfair one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home from larger than life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place.

38:21Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Right, messages. Let's muff hunt in with a message from Matt. He says, Dear Luana, I'm writing in response to a previous post of which a couple of young lads at an all boys school cooked a leaver's meal for their teachers and laced it with pubes and arse. I remember that. I don't remember this. I remember that. I don't remember, but it's bloody hilarious. It's the kind of shit my older brother would have done at his school, actually.

39:02Remember, he told me that a sick former that had got in trouble left a shit on the headmaster's chair. Stop it. Literally, legit, left a shit on the headmaster's chair. Yeah. it takes me back don't do that by the way it takes me back to my young 16 year old self when I was working part time at a military camp as a pot washer in the kitchens young soldiers in those days were let's just say feral word was being whispered amongst the kicks that one of the royal green jackets had slept with another soldier's girlfriend a few nights before a scuffle had occurred and the poor man who had been cheated on came off worse sporting a black eye at breakfast doesn't seem fair doesn't now what wouldn't have crossed the offender's mind is that victim soldier was very well liked by the army chefs this is where i realized one person never to piss off is the person yeah dudes always the same in a restaurant never piss off the waiter or the chef because they will do shit i've seen it happen firsthand uh that day i've seen chefs wipe their ball bags on plates as they're placing up but legit when i've been in waiting staffs and then some someone's come in and chefs are very protect you.

40:08Oh, can you do it a bit more well done or something like that? If you fuck a chef off, I've seen a ball bag go on an empty plate and then they plate up. Yeah, I have. Anyway, that day they had the madras on the menu, a staple for said shagger squaddy. Now once again, a whisper spread not to eat the curry at lunch service. I hadn't really realised why until I went to the swill area to empty one of the bins. Squatting over the large square stock pan with his trousers down.

40:37And a shit the size of an elephant's trunk being pinched off was, you guessed it, victim soldier. Proudly standing up, grin on face, he pressed his finger to his lips, stirred the pot vigorously with the ladle and walked back to the kitchen. Oh my God, he shits in the curry. I will say at this point, I was questioning if this conformed to the food hygiene standards and health and safety of Work Act I had been given as part of my induction a few weeks earlier. I thought it's probably best to just pretend I knew nothing in the style of Fawlty Towers Manuel. All I can say is he had his revenge as perpetrator squadding...

41:14Oh no!

41:17Gobbled the turd curry back, along with the brown sauce having... Along with the brown sauce having shit pressed into the top of the bottle and the orange squash machine being half filled with piss. and yes a few souls were caught up as collateral damage but it was totally worth it. Revenge is a dish best served curry, I say. Love your laughs, Matt. God, he served him shit curry. That is such an army story. Shit curry. Oh my God. Wow. We've got another message now. You can't beat that. From Annette Curtin. Is that you? You always know when it's in my case. I found myself now walking around my kitchen trying to think of names.

42:04The best I've come out with is Bend Over. That's not even yours. Exactly. It's like one of the oldest ones. Annette. Mine would be Minjita. But that's not one of yours either. Hi, Joanna. I'm writing in with a recent situation I've had with a friend and was wondering if I could ask for your advice and opinion. Please give me a granny name. Annette Curtin She says I'm 29 and live in Dubai However I'm not a party animal Don't really drink and I love nothing more than being in bed by nine I'm lucky enough to found my tribe of equally granny-ish friends over here I'm very easy going person Surround myself with good people My life in general is absolutely drama free However this week a situation arose with a friend Which I'd really appreciate your opinions on At the weekend it was a close friend's birthday So the birthday girl, let's call her Dottie myself and one other friend let's call friend B Mabel were going out for dinner to celebrate both Dottie and I absolute grandmas don't go out very often so we booked the table for seven the opening time of the restaurant it'll be dead in that restaurant in to buy at seven people don't book tables till ten it's so late there spent the afternoon getting ready and glammed at mine took photos pre-dinner this is a proper 90s night out do you remember love it gotta get ready have a drink before we get ready Lambrini upon arrival at the restaurant we had a photo sat down for our meal ate then left by 9.30 and went to bed was a wild night obviously following any girly gathering both Dottie and I posted the pictures on Instagram with Mabel commenting how much she loved us on the pics all three of us had bought new dresses to the occasion we'd never get dressed up together and it was such a special memory two days later we received a message from Mabel asking us to take the pictures down because her boyfriend felt that images were inappropriate and that they gave off the wrong impression.

44:04I've attached the images for your eyes only. Please don't share with anyone. Are you joking me? There were like two other photos that were very in the similar way. I love the dress on the right. So what we're seeing here, guys, is a picture of three beautiful ladies, friends who are wearing what I would say is actually quite conservative dresses, like little sundresses which are what you'd wear to a wedding. You don't always wear them to a wedding. No boobs on the knee. No boobs on the show. Very appropriate. All got straps and everything. Very appropriate. Yeah. Lovely. Appropriate for what? One might ask.

44:36Trying to work out where that restaurant is. A good going out outfit. With the help of my good friend, GPD, to make sure my reply was understanding but firm, I composed a message saying I'd happily untag her so that it didn't appear on her Instagram. But there was nothing inappropriate about the images except that she looked beautiful and I'd like them to stay on my private profile. A few hours later, I received a string of somewhat threatening messages from the boyfriend who I have met only once, asking me to remove them and stating he didn't need. He didn't see the need to share the photos, revealing everything up to your privates.

45:14What? Oh, she's the one on the right, which I felt was a dig at me as I was definitely the most exposed. Oh, your dress is my favorite one, babes. I'm the one on the right. So she just has on like a strappy sundress. Yeah, but no boobs and just a bit short. No, it's like shortish and it has like a little slit in the head. Yeah, but it's not like... We are not talking anywhere near maybe. Like, seriously. I still don't feel my outfit was giving off any kind of wrong impression. Obviously, I didn't respond. Good. Mabel then rang me on her way from work crying, said her boyfriend had packed his bags and was ready to break up with her.

45:50Good. To which my response was that if he was willing to break up with her over this, she should let him go. 100%. Absolutely. I expressed to her over the phone that neither her, Dottie, or I had done anything wrong in this situation. He shouldn't be A, telling her what is or isn't appropriate to be wearing, and B, trying to control what her friends are posting, especially when there is nothing inappropriate about the images. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but to me, the only appropriate response from him should be to tell her how beautiful she looked, because truly she did. the boyfriend then proceeded to message dotty however took it one step further and threatened to report her to the police she spent the evening crying at this threat and as the purest woman known to man it really angered me usually a very zen individual that he felt he could speak to her this way because just to provide some background to that whole context yeah you can't in dubai take pictures of someone and post them without their authorization.

46:48So effectively, she should really take the pictures down if the friends ask them to take them down. Because the police do take stuff like that quite seriously. And then you can get hit with a travel ban, which stops you leaving the country. That is useful. It can be quite bad. And if you're going to Dubai and you're doing all these pictures and getting people in the background, you do have to be quite careful. so what just on that would you then it's privacy they just yeah yeah but would you would you just post but and that's fine unless they ask you to take it down or should you ask permission I wouldn't post people even in the back so if there's people in the background of my pictures yeah I'll normally put text over their face or something so that you only see yeah well I do that here as well but as you say with but if it was a friend like that if a friend then said you need to remove that well I wouldn't ask you to post if you said to me will you take it down I would take it down yeah yeah interesting this um she spent the evening crying at this threat sorry i read that bit already um it really angered me that he felt he could speak to her in this way he stated that people at work had seen the pictures and had been saying mabel looked like she was on the lookout for a shag pardon me whilst i vomit to me the situation should never have made its way even to mabel let alone to dotty and i and he should have spoken directly to his colleagues and told them their comments were extremely inappropriate the events of the day resulted in both dotty and i reluctantly removing the posts we were also asked to remove all pictures from our highlight reels mabel leaving the group chat and blocking us both on instagram although i do suspect these actions came from the boyfriend not her this is not the first time there have been hints of her boyfriend being controlling and although mabel was extremely upset by the events of the day and apologized profusely both on the day many times since it has really left me feeling a very concerned for the well-being of my friend in her relationship and be slightly crossed with her as I feel that in her asking us to remove them she has told him that this behavior from him is okay and I do feel it will happen again he knows what he said to her and threatened her with this is both Dottie and I are seeing Mabel next weekend and we'll express all of this to her as it truly does come from a place of love and concern and we would never keep worries like that to ourselves however I really don't know how to move forward with the friendship when I've absolutely no respect for the man she's wanting to spend her life with any advice would be welcome and please keep all the pictures private thank you I was actually in a similar relationship with my toxic ex my abusive ex when he used to tell me what I couldn't couldn't wear um and let me tell you now in that it is one massive red flag and And nobody has the right to tell you what you can and can't wear.

49:28And there's so many different layered problems with this one. But essentially, I think we can all see what this is. It's a controlling boyfriend. He's trying to isolate her from her friends. Exactly. And this is what my ex did. So next time she just won't even go out because it's too much hassle. Exactly. And this is, and I, so we know where this is. It's so textbook. Yeah. And I remember my horrible toxic ex, my abusive ex when I was in my 20s would, you know, I'd wear a top. which I mean again even if I did wear a top with my nipples out I'm allowed to wear a top with my nipples out because guess what I'm an individual human being right no one fucking tells us how to wear especially if it is legal in the country you are in as well do you know what I mean and he would but then the same language oh you look like a slut you look like you want to you know look like you know you're pimping yourself out it's all that kind of behaviour it's just so insecurity from them yeah it is you as a friend this is a really I think you just have to be really honest to your friend on what's going on yeah I think so just be honest basically I mean you can get her to listen to this she is in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship at the moment yes textbook would say as this goes further down the line and he isolates her more from any friends it will then get physically abusive because then you start to think well i've been with him for two years and he's only hit me now so he doesn't normally do that but that then just progresses or if that doesn't happen it will be even worse psychological abuse yeah it is it is a controlling abusive relationship she's in you can only point that out to her and hope that she sees sense i mean you're all absolutely beautiful beautiful women and it's so devastating the fact that and obviously she's clearly independent and has a job and she's like got so much going for her and yet to stay in a relationship like that it just devastates me that so many of these amazing women do that can't bear it it's just yeah but but i also know but i also know you can't do anything no you can't but i do also know from personal experience how terrifying it is when you are in that and you are genuinely that scared of someone.

51:23It's only now with hindsight I can look at him and think what a fucking pathetic prick he was. But when you are in it, you are genuinely scared. He's probably threatened her. He's probably made things if you do this. He really has. He said, I'm going to call the police. You know, those are very, very valid reasons for someone. This is part of the control game. Like Lou said, like we've said, I think you just have to be honest with her. Say you're really concerned. Name it for what it is. Yeah. This is what you are in and we are really concerned about you. But unfortunately, you can't force her to do anything.

51:49God, there's so many other decent men out there. Yeah. Keep us posted, please. Next up, a message from Anonymous. So, Dat... Is it you, Imogen? Is it you? The face. No, I've heard this one before. It's phenomenal. A message from Dan Glee Balls. Good afternoon, ladies. Man fan here. A lot of man fans. I know, I'm picking them up. Love this. Man fan here, 38, straight, born and bred in Newcastle upon time. Thank you. It was like blind date there. please just use my first name or a fake porn name if you're going to read this out it's dangly balls because honestly I don't think I could face the public if this ever got traced back to me I've been listening to the pod for ages thanks mate thought it was time I shared my story because this one is the Mount Everest of disasters settle in peeps here we go so picture it Newcastle Newcastle Newcastle Newcastle circa 2005 I'm about 18 or 19 out every weekend with the lads drinking, dancing thinking with God's gift of women one Saturday night me and me mate, let's call him Paul.

52:48Paul wasn't the best looking lad, although has now bloomed, and at this point hadn't managed to find the lady of his dreams. Oh, poor virgin Paul. Or any lady for that matter. Brutal. To pop his cherry. We head out into the night awaiting what would happen. We hit the bars and have a few drinks, and about 10.30pm we get chatting to two slightly older women, both in their mid to late 30s, out on a rare, child-free weekend. We told them we were 25, blatant lie, But with a bit of stubble and a misplaced confidence, we just about pulled it off. After a few drinks, a few snogs and a kebab stop, sexy guys, one of them says, why don't you two come back to mine for a few more drinks?

53:28At this point, we are practically high-fiving each other in the street. Jackpot! I might get lucky again and Paul might finally lose his V. Go on, Paul! Go on, Paul! We're all rooting for you, mate. We end up at 2am in this lovely big house in a posh bit of town, thinking we'd hit the big leagues. Before long, all four of us are upstairs. Me with the homeowner, Paul with her mate. Paul can't contain himself. I'm over the moon for him as he's finally going to do the act of love. Everything's going very well until there's a knock at the door. It's Paul. He looks sheepish. Sorry to interrupt, mate, he says.

54:04Do you have any kind of a lube? He asks my partner for the night to which she tells him. In the bathroom cabinet, there will be something in there. Off he goes. we carry on about five minutes later we start hearing noises from the next room and not the romantic kind more like the soundtrack to Jurassic Park she's screaming her head off she's screaming her head off he's grunting like he's wrestling a bear and we're in fits of laughter but he's getting louder and louder until my partner jumps out of bed and storms next door yelling While you keep it down, the neighbours will think someone's being murdered.

54:47What? She walked in. Paul is standing there, stark naked, holding a half-empty bottle of water from the kebab shop, trying to cool down his poor date's bits. The bottle of water being used as a douche, she's screaming, I'm burning, I'm burning. Turns out instead of the lube, the daft sod. Oh my God. Old Virgin Paul turns out instead of the lube, the daft sod had grabbed Vic's VapoRub from the bathroom cabinet and slathered himself in it like it was Durek's play lube. He basically turned her bits into a minty inferno. Oh my God, that would burn so bad. So painful. The poor woman was on fire, sweating, swearing and practically steaming through the crotch.

55:35Paul, in full panic mode, was now squirting cold water up her like he was trying to put out a campfire. You know the one with the drinking nozzles? The next minute, the next door neighbour is at the door to make sure everything's OK. A woman in her 50s, who then, after inspecting the Vicks Vapour Rub vagina, proceeds to call an ambulance for the burning lady. After standing around for five minutes looking at each other, we felt we had maybe outstained our welcome and we made a very quick exit. and a quiet one, trousers barely fastened. Oh, my God. To this day, we've got no idea what became of her.

56:10The lady with the minty crotch. Minty crotch. Though I genuinely hope she recovered and can now walk past her boots without breaking into a cold sweat. I asked Paul about it the next morning, and he just thought he was doing a cracking job. She was making so much noise. I'm not sure if it counts as his first time or not. I mean, I want to know if he got pee in the V. Oh, obviously he did. Oh, he did. Yeah, because it all got slathered over. I thought he'd rubbed it on her. luckily I have never ever touched lube or Vicks Vapor Rub ever again for that matter, even the smell of menthol brings me flashbacks, keep up the amazing work ladies, I love the show and the stories they keep my mornings funny and my drive home entertaining, well we love you and your mate Paul.

56:48Oh dangly balls thank you for that, remember if you want to get in touch you can email us at Luanna at everythingluanna.com you can also drop us a whatsapp on 87745266 947 Seven. Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com.

57:27That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com. Way fair, every style, every home. Right, newsy bits. Shay Mitchell responds to backlash over her new skincare line for children. So this is the Pretty Little Liars alum. And I don't know anything about this. Sorry. Shay Mitchell. Who is Shay Mitchell? She's an actress. Did you not read my prep sheet? Oh, I'm sorry. I actually didn't see it on there. That's my fault. That is my fault for not reading that. Anyway, basically, she's launched a kids' skincare range. It sells hydrating face and eye masks for kids. But people have been quite quick to insult the brand, claiming that young children should not be subjected to societal beauty standards and they don't need skincare products.

58:12But you know what? She's not the first person to launch skincare products. I've actually had a friend of mine who's launched a brilliant kids' range because kids are into this stuff. You know, all of my three are, especially my two little ones, and they want all this stuff. and you've now got kids putting like retinol on their skin. Oh, that's bad. So actually to have a really good dedicated kids thing, which is an alternative, is brilliant. And she said this, she said, you know, anything that involves kids, there should be a conversation around it. She said, but you know, this came from my own experience from being a mum.

58:47She's got two girls and there wasn't anything out there that she felt safe. So she kind of took it upon herself to make her own skincare brand. Do you know what's interesting? Because when you first came up with this, my initial reaction was like, oh, no, I don't. I'm not keen about having a skincare range for kids. No, it's really good. But this is why I'm pivoting now. Because my first instinct was I don't want kids to feel like, you know, it's another thing. You know, they have to get into. No, but they don't. They want to do it. Exactly. Because of TikTok and watching us and all this stuff.

59:17So I think sometimes it is, as you say, having a better solution to a situation that's already out there. So, yeah, my first reaction was I'm not crazy about kids having their own beauty range. But actually, to your point, you're right, because there is a problem with kids taking prescription, you know, medicated skincare, you know, retinol, hyaluronic acid. I think that one's OK, isn't it? But, you know, all of the different acids and stuff that go into grown up skincare. So, as you say, to then give them an alternative, I can imagine Elle's a bit little for it now. But actually, well, my friend's one.

59:48But it is something that I could put on her Christmas list. I actually can't remember what my friend's one's called. I'll have to get the name of it. but it's it's really good my friend's brand and she's got like all these um what age and is it what age do you know what's weird i actually thought about doing it as a business the skids skids skid marks a kid's skincare one and then i just didn't have time and then weirdly um my friend um my friend ellen has done it oh it's called your skin stuff and it's actually amazing and she sent she sent it to the children and it's really cool it's really really cool and it's really safe for their skin because my kids were trying to buy like bioma and drunk elephant and all of this stuff and it's not good it's actually not good for them and then Ellen sent me these beautiful packages for the kids skin and is it all just it's all quite sort of natural yeah coconut but actually and I'm thinking about it now because Elle wants a little pamper party for her birthday you know have you seen that Pumper Party bath yeah yeah it's brilliant I've been on it yeah it's brilliant but actually yeah part of that you're right if they have little face masks they're all natural obviously they're like avocado or whatever it is exactly and kids and girls do want to imitate their mums you know this article goes on to say skincare routines are one of the biggest trends on TikTok yes they are they're 20 million get ready with me tutorials under the hashtag GRWN get ready with me and the kids do want it they're like this Sephora kid that's what they are my kids love going to Sephora and it's just like nuts I mean what they want for Christmas is I always do the kids a hamper every year I call it the toot hamper and I was like would you like me to get you a Sephora voucher this year or do you want like the little hamper thing and they went no we want our hamper and in that I do put like face masks and little bits of them and then they have all this glow and they do just want that stuff and it's hard to back the pen and say no but also as well thinking about it as well since the dawn of time little girls want to play with glittery eye makeup and nail stuff and we all did it me and my friend georgia we used to boil the kettle put the hot water in a thing put a tea towel over our head steam and then we'd get our face masks on the body shop and body the body shop yeah and all of that you'd get all the little no little dolphin animals yeah no it's not i mean i can see why you know there are a lot of people that also clap back against this as well and say we shouldn't be targeting children.

1:02:15We shouldn't be actually deliberately saying, hey, kids, here's a beauty range, you know, and getting them into something that possibly isn't in their psyche. I mean, some of these beauty ranges are geared at kids from the age of three, which I do think is possibly too young. But then how many three-year-olds are actually able to go and look and want to buy it? But I can see why, you know, it always comes into the big argument, doesn't it? It's kind of the chicken and the egg. For me, I feel like that horse bolted generations ago. Little girls have always wanted to be like mummy. There's adverts around, you know, clip-clopping around in your mummy's high heels and nicking their little lipstick.

1:02:51But I do see why some people might think, you know, we shouldn't be advertising specifically to children. But my argument is I've got a little girl, you've got a little girl, who they want to do this, so why not make it as safe as possible? Yeah, because you don't want them, you know, but also the skincare stuff that my mum used to have that I nicked, it was like olive oil olive oil you know what I mean you know there was none of all this retinol and the acid peels and all that exactly which is now what we all have because it's prescription so I can see I mean it'd be interesting to know what Lufanians think I mean do you think that we're just playing again it's another hallmark day so to speak we're playing into marketeer's dream do my girls just love it I started using castor oil on my face as well have you yeah I'll put like castor oil on and then I use that snatchy face thing and the kids love doing that as well and that's totally safe for them to use and then I've got like a vitamin d oil so I have a lot of like natural stuff that they can use I suppose where this does play coconut oil was really good but I suppose it plays into a lot of people thinking you know should we be um you know promoting to children this is something that is the norm you have to do you know and I think I think that's also probably the other side to this argument where people think that we shouldn't be uh putting these sort of unrealistic beauty standards on young children yeah true do you know what's interesting i was talking to one of my friends the other day and her and her daughter have just started horse riding and she was like you know i just felt like i was always going shopping with her or doing like makeup and stuff with her and i realized that wasn't actually that healthy and then now that she's like it's so good now we're both outdoors we're doing this like new activity and hobby together and i just think that everything in like moderation in moderation yeah yeah i agree good measure because you know it's nothing wrong with like making a little avocado honey and oat face mask with your kids on a saturday but then on to the flip side i i'm not a fan of these uh you know the dance mom thing with the beauty pageant personally i don't like that i don't like to see a little girl looking like you know a lady of the night yeah i mean for me i i don't like that that's my opinion and and i will stand on that um because i think that can uh sexualize children you know I don't think that's okay for me but I think really this comes down to personal choice and I think you're right Lou I think everything in moderation and the option is there so I think it's good the option's there this is an interesting one especially after this summer and the price the crazy price that Oasis tickets were going for so the reselling tickets above face value is to be banned by the government so the ministers are announcing a plan on Wednesday in a bid to tackle touts and resale sites where often tickets for, you know, music, theatre, comedy, sports.

1:05:35They're sold well above face value. They're going to place restrictions on them to stop these massively inflated prices. We had this with the Oasis thing. I mean, I wanted to go to Oasis. I actually gave tickets away that I had initially in Ireland and then I thought, oh, a bit iconic, maybe I should go. And when I looked, it was thousands, like literally thousands of pounds. It was a joke. but they're talking about capping the cost up to 30 % above the face value of the ticket the government has decided to set the limit at the original cost or face value while also promising to take measures to cap extra fees to prevent the price limit being undermined I think this is like brilliant it's fantastic actually yeah just to make it accessible for everybody quite honestly and just to make it fair So, yeah, resale platforms will have a legal duty to monitor and enforce the new regulations.

1:06:32Housing Secretary Steve Reid told the BBC Breakfast touts making profits at the expense of fans was such an important issue. And it was hugely damaging to individuals having to pay through the nodes for tickets. So the government was committed to outlawing it. I think this is a really good move. My older brother, as you know, he works in theatre, has done for years. He's in the financial side of it. And he says, you know, this is just something that's increased and got worse and worse and worse, especially now with, you know, cloning tickets. And the talent want this as well. So there was an open letter by some of the biggest names in music, like urging the prime minister to stop these extortionate tickets.

1:07:07Well, because they get it in the neck. Because then when you're having to pay through the nose, then fans are going, you know, I'm not. And we also know how far people go to see their favourite artists. I mean, look at Taylor Swift. Swift I've got actual personal friends of mine that would have happily got themselves into crippling debt just to go and see Taylor Swift because they are that obsessed with her I'm just don't get I'm not but I understand but I also think then the point problem with that is then that the artists then from a moral obligation think oh my god people are doing these things that they shouldn't be doing to see me they set their price that's it yeah no that's very welcome excellent it's interesting though because like I mean it's not going to do anything to the actual cost of like Oasis tickets were expensive anyway before they were being resold but also I was talking to my friend about it and then like but why is it different to anything else like you buy a car it you then sell it on if you make a bit of money from it great you buy a watch it could increase in price you sell it on I guess people have the choice to buy it or not don't they as well at those prices but i think goes back to what anna said that where you get that hysteria around celebrity and like i've got to go i've got to see it even i mean i wasn't even into aces and i was like i've got to see it now everyone's talking about it and so it does kind of it's a bit different i think to like buying something but why is that different to like really exclusive art or really well it's not but i think it is different in the sense that because ticket touts are doing it, they're cheating a system.

1:08:39I'm the person that will sit there and I will happily wait in a queue for three hours to buy my four tickets at face value. And yet an experienced ticket tout who is experienced in making money and conning people will circumnavigate the system. I know people that literally their job, absolutely, people now that work, I have even a friend of mine, actually, someone that is very close to them, this is their job. They can circumnavigate these systems because they're very clever at working computers and they can do it so they can snatch literally, you know, 500 tickets before they've even, you know, they get on the exclusive list and everything.

1:09:13And then bingo, they've got 500 tickets at face value, which they are then selling them for four times the amount they are then pocketing the profit. So I think that is for me what the difference is, is that it is a career, it's almost career, it's career profiting at the expense of normal people. And I think it plays into that fairness. And I think unless you've got strict rules around that, it's going to get worse and worse. And like, you know, my mum wanted to see Pet Shop Boys last year or whatever. You know, I got, I was a bit late to the party. I got on the website and I did feel then obliged to have to pay£500 for a bloody ticket for the Pet Shop Boys, which would have been a£100 ticket because I'm thinking, well, my mum's 76, she'll never probably see him again.

1:09:55And I think, so then you feel guilty because you go, I want my mum to go. So I did pay the£500. So I think that's for me, it's that moral obligation. I mean, like, I know that Bex and I, we both tried to get tickets for Olivia Dean recently. and like I was on the pre-sale and when you get a pre-sale link so you're thinking oh I've got a shoe in here and you're trying to get and like I couldn't get one for love nor money and it's like well where are they all gone then? That's where they're going because people know how to circumnavigate the systems especially if you're like in a wait list and you're like correct 50th on the wait list you're like great only 50 people in front of me people are too smart nowadays with technology to know and that's the career profiteers that are the problem So we welcome that.

1:10:36Well done. Right. It's time for... It's the Widow of the Week. Right. Anonymous. So enormous tits. Enormous. Enormous tits. Pussy plunger, it says. Okay. Hi, Luanamo. I think I might be a weirdo of the week. I do sometimes think it's unique. I do something I think is unique in the shower. But your weirdo of the week segment made me curious. Does anyone else do this? When I'm in the shower washing my bits and bobs. I wash the outside of my vag like I imagine everyone does, but I've also been mindful not to get any harsh products inside to avoid thrush irritation. I do feel the need to wash inside my vagina, though, with water, and I do this by cupping my hand over my vag, letting my hand fill with water, and then doing a sort of plunging motion to shoot the water up.

1:11:24You have to get the right angle and a tight seal for this to work. She does a self-douche. A technique I've perfected over the years, I give it a few pumps to fill her up and then tense to eject it all out. I'm the only person who does the pussy plunge in the shower Love the pod and all that jazz I don't do that Imogen? Becca? She is weird We've got another one from Anon So Lou Sassel Lou Sassel Lou Sassel Lou Sassel

1:11:56Nominating partner Anon So Mike Roke Mike Roke That's a good one hi ladies please keep me in on give me the most grotesque name today i think my partner might be contender for wood of the week we have lived together for a year after buying a house and i'm still shocked that i never noticed his behavior beforehand in our new house i've worked hard to make the garden my dreams and tried to get my green fingers to work now through the summer i started noticing these weird chalk patches on my patio for weeks i couldn't work out what was causing it just little spots here and there until one oh until one day i came outside and found my partner using my patio as his foot scrub this man found out that it was the perfect grain to scrape off his dead ass cracked heels and to say the least he was shocked that i was shocked and thinks it's totally normal i bought him heal stones and everything to no avail luckily he's the love of my life so it will take a lot more than that to truly grace me out but i did ask him to keep it to one spot in the future.

1:12:59Love the pod ladies, you're more than just a pod. You're a lifeline for us living in this busy world that just needs some light in our lives. You definitely got me through the stressful days of my nursing degree. So thank you for what you do. You are welcome. He's a bit of a dirt bag. Little cheese grater on the patio. No thanks. Patio cheese grater. Lulu? I'm not ranting because I feel like I already had a moan about the freezing cold hockey, which pissed me right off. So the rant is substandard hockey players in the cold. I would like a heated seat. Yeah, and a heated, that brand pleads with the heated coats.

1:13:35We'd love a, we'd love a one of those. Yeah, we want a stove coat. A little stove. Or, or just a cheap teamy ripoff version. That'll do. Well, we're not fussy. We're Luana. And that is it. Don't worry guys, we're back on Monday. You don't have to wait until then though. Of course, Thursday, it is your episode. It's Luana Totally Extra. We do need you guys though. It don't happen if you don't contribute. Send your emails in to Luana at That's everythingloana.com. Hop onto WhatsApp. We need a voice note, please. It needs to be clear quality, doesn't it, Imogen? It does. The lady with the milk cowing, cow milking, can be excused because that was funny.

1:14:08Because she had a good jingle. It was funny. The number is 07745266947. Please make sure you follow the podcast. Often there's a little follow in the right-hand corner. Click it now if you're staring at your phone. Tell someone about us. Make them listen. Please give us a five-star rating and leave us a review. and we will see you on Thursday. Bye for now. Bye for now.

1:14:55That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.