THE ROAD TRIP 2025: DAY 3

0:02Anna Williamson:This is a Global Player original podcast. Be warned, it's Luana and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. But you know you love it. It is Friday. It's been a long week. It's been a long week. Imogen, what day are we on? It's Friday. We're on day three, finally. We're on day three of our road trip. which is yet again another corker. An absolute Bobby Dazzler of fun, of funny names, of meeting our Lufanians. And you know what? Let's muff dive into it right now and you can enjoy it for yourselves. Right, Ims. We are currently on the M6. This is telling me to Manchester.

0:48Anna Williamson:We're on the M55. Oh, yeah, we're on the M55. And then we're about to, in 10 miles, go on the M6 to Manchester. So where are we going next? first stop day three remember sorry about that thank you remember um those goats we facetimed in lockdown yes in lockers yes we're going to meet the goats actual meeting the goats are we gonna do goga yeah goga goga no no we're just having goat cuddles we're gonna put you to work um remind me of the lovely lady's name here dot but that's it dot from cronkshaw fold farm Indeed. But Dot's not going to be there because she's on her holidays. She's very upset about it.

1:31Oh my God, I can't believe I'm not meeting Dot. I know.

1:34Anna Williamson:But her lovely colleague Sophie will be there. Okay. There are, we have like a hangout thingy where we can sit in hammocks with the goats. Oh, a goat hammock. Do you know what? Goats remind me of when I grew up with my best friend had goats and they really smell. Yes, and they eat everything. I mean, they'll eat your shoes, your socks. They best not eat my Christian Dior wellies. Well, bring on the goats. We're here with lovely Sophie. Now, we met Dot in lockdown, and some of you might remember when we did a Zoom with the goats, and it was very uplifting during the dark days of lockdown. It actually, it kind of went viral, actually, because, like, people were trying to do weird and wonderful things, and it hit the spot.

2:17Anna Williamson:Very enterprising, our Dot, isn't she? Yeah, oh, definitely. Very enterprising. But she's not here, and she's gutted. But we've got our Sophie. Well, she's so enterprising. She doesn't need to be here, and she's got staff to do it. I know. How long have you been here? I've been here about six months. Oh, you're quite a new addition. I am quite a new addition, but I actually stayed here before I got the job here. And because I'd stayed here and was aware of everything that Dot did, when the job came up, I was like, I need to have that job. I need to work at this place. So what's your background then?

2:45Anna Williamson:You an agriculture? Not anywhere near. Graphic design. Oh, wow. Oh, so different. Yeah, so what takes you to this career change? Love of the outdoors. Yeah. Love of the outdoors. I think I would much rather be here working outside and dealing with animals. Absolutely. Yeah, I can do that. In a closed-in office. Absolutely. Hard relate. We couldn't have done our road trip without popping in to see you. Absolutely. So what are we going to be doing? Are we going to be playing with some goats? I believe so. Amazing. Let's do it. Yes. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Hi, babies. Hi, babies. Hello. Where's my, where's Gail?

3:27Anna Williamson:Gail? I've named my goat Gail. Where's Hector? Gail. Hello everybody. Hi. The hills are alive with sound of music. Got a goat coming to you. Aww. From songs that are sung for a thousand years. My heart's filled with love with the sound of music. When song's something else with a song's something else. Oh, look, this one's being left out. Oh, he's doing a shit. Oh, it's all coming out like berries. Oh, look at your lovely neck. You look like a turkey. Okay, so to hang out with goats, obviously we do provide hammocks. Oh, I wonder what this was. So this is to literally hang out with goats. Right, here we go, kid.

4:31I think this is the life for me.

4:33Anna Williamson:Mate, this is the life for me. This is the life for us. This is it. It's no longer going to be Luanna the podcast. It's Luanna Retire. With goats. Come on then. Meh. Meh. Meh. So guys, next stop on the trip, we are at Upper Thong. Upper Thong! Upper Thong! This is a series of stops called, I've called, The Thongs. We're doing Upper Thong, we're doing Nether Thong. Then we are meeting some fans in Thongs Bridge. Oh! So we are in Thong Lane, in Thong. Nether Thong. Nether Thong. So it's the nether regions, the region of nether thong. And here we are, right next to a children's playground with actually children playing in it as we take the piss out of their lane name.

5:27Hi girls. And their lane is called Thong Lane.

5:32Anna Williamson:Let's be quick, because there are kids, we're going to get thrown out a thong. I'm going to put a sticker on it. Stick on it and go. Ready? And leg it. here we are next stop thongsbridge i have to say thongsbridge it's a bit nippy yeah it's not but there is an aldi for the win okay so we're here in thongsbridge with our gorgeous luthanians yes would you like to introduce yourself to everybody i'm ella i'm millie excellent ella and millie in thongsbridge this is the home of welly wanging Yeah. So we're going to wang some wellies. Is there a techies for this? I don't know. Well, Millie did the helicopter.

6:12Oh. And Ella did the... I'm going to do it between the legs. So we're going to go. We're going to have a welly wang. There's a football pitch there with some lines on it, which is quite good for measuring. I think so. So who is going to be the welly wanger? Do you want my coat? The welly... I'll umpire, will I?

6:28Anna Williamson:Who's going to be the welly wanging champion of Thongsbridge? We'll find out. What's your techies? What's your technique? Yeah, you've got to wipe that up. Oh, here we go. I think I might go. She's in the helicopter. Cheeky finger in the bucket. Oh, you're going to get smashed in the face. OK. Yeah, OK, right. Here we go. Oh! Oh! Oh! Not bad. That's amazing. OK, that was a strong start from Anna Williamson down here in Thornsbridge at the Welly-Wanging Championships on this fine Sunday. How long do you think it is? We're now going to head to Imo, who is measuring with her tape measure. How far that's gone.

7:1313 strides. 13 strides. Oh, my lovely, you're on there. Next slide is Ella. Hoik. She's hoiking. She's hoiking. And she's wanging. She's gone for the between-the-leg technique. Oh! Oh!

7:29Anna Williamson:Close call. How was that? It was very unlikely. You guys, what is it? 12. 12. Millie's up next. All I would say is commit. Just commit. Oh, here we go. She's doing the helicopter. Oh, oh. Not bad. Can I just say Imogen? There's nothing more brilliant than you striding like this. It's even measuring. 10 strides. Imogen Rose Hart, you're up next. 13 strides from Anna, 12 strides from Ella, 10 strides from Minnie, and now I'm getting the hell out of the way. We know what Emma's like. I don't know whether to helicopter Emma. It's difficult. Oh, she's got a forward helicopter. We've got to go backwards.

8:20Go on, Ems. Oh. Oh. Oh. I don't know! Didda, didda, diddla, da, boo! Here we go. Oh!

8:30Anna Williamson:Oh! Back up everybody! She's actually going to wank! Oh!

8:38Anna Williamson:Let's get a question on that! We had to get down a bit! Imogen Rose Hart takes the lead! Good job! With 84 struts! 14 and a half struts! 14 and a half! Currently the tally is Imogen Rose Hart is taking the lead, Williamson's in second. The ladies are now enjoying third. Zisman, it's over to you. Oh, they could go anywhere. Be careful. This is not safe. You're not safe. Oh, not bad. Not bad. Not bad, Zisman. Right. DQ for the foot across the line. I'm going to hurt my finger. I'm sorry. Did I get caught? Oh, I've got my shock in mine. It's a shock. Oh, my. Apparently gold at the moment is Imogen Rose Hart.

9:24Anna Williamson:I'm taking silver. I think it's safe to say in most probably one. I think she will. Let's be honest. Can I just say, I do have a rotator cuff injury. Well, here's your other one. No, I'm not very good at my left, so I will go for the right. Here's your wanking, Aunt Mild. The pils are behind the line, please. Behind the line. Cheater.

9:47Anna Williamson:That's a good one. This is beautiful. It's not bad with the rotator cuff injury. Here she goes. Line and half strides. In pole position, in first place, taking the goal. The win is Imogen Rose Hartley, 14th. Thank you. You are the welly-wanging champion of Thong Thread on this fine Sunday in a very public park. Welcome to Penis Stone. Penis Stone. Hilda's over there because she's in exile. She's been shunned, shunned for farting. We are here, we're about to go meet with Charlotte at her lovely studio, which is called... Form Wellness Studio. Lovely. So, bit of Pilates, bit of lunch. Off we go.

10:40Anna Williamson:Right, we're here. This is Charlotte, Lufanian. Actual bonafide Lufanian. Absolutely. Yeah, hot Lufanian. Her amazing Pilates Studio form in Penistone. How do you say it? I was saying penis tone. It is penis tone. When I went to school, it was penis tone. Because obviously it's a penis tone. But actually it's penistone. Yeah, it's penistone. Or peniston, as we've been calling it. But it's not got a double S. That's what I said. It is penis tone. I just said tone. The tone of penis. The tone of the peni. We love to be put through our paces. Yeah. Gentle paces. No, it's very hard. But could you take us through a few little reformers?

11:19Anna Williamson:Absolutely. Yeah, let's do it. Come on then, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's go. It should feel like a lovely car stretch this one for you. Oh, that's such a good stretch. It's a good stretch. Oh, this is the perfect time in the road trip for doing this because we're all crunched up, we're stuck in the car. This is the perfect time to stretch out. Perfect time. You can come into alternating so as you dip one heel underneath, you can put it on your knee and then switch it on out. So it's like you're running on the carriage. Just making sure that your hips are staying stable. How are you doing, Amo?

11:51Anna Williamson:You're fucking through that pelvis. Ims, you alright? I'm having a wonderful time. She's enjoying it. I think she's up for a nap. You farted. You farted, you farted. I didn't fart. Oh, I haven't farted. I haven't farted. It wasn't me. It's quite a hard one. I'm used to that more. Let's do a plank challenge. Why not? Yes, let's push out into that plank once everyone's there. Go for it. Come on, Ivers. You've got it, you've got it. We're out in that plank. I've given up already. So girls, penultimate stop on the road trip. It's Lorraine-ing. It's Lorraine-ing with Lorraine. Lorraine. Lorraine. It's Lorraine-ing, Lorraine.

12:39Anna Williamson:Hallelujah, it's Lorraine. Butthole Lane even has a little butt plug. We've met our lovely Lufanian Lorraine who has brought us to... Butthole Lane. We're here in the rain with Lorraine on Butthole Lane. It's joyful. This is our last stop, actually, meeting a Lufanian. It is. You're our final Lufanian to meet. And what a way to end our tour of ridiculous street names than coming to Butthole Lane. Yep. So tell us, when did you first start listening to Luanna? About a year and a half ago. But I've listened to every episode. Every single episode. Oh, you like that dedication, Luanna. I have gone back and listened to every single one.

13:22Anna Williamson:Lorraine, does that mean you've listened through the whole back catalogue and you can go back and listen? Yeah, I'll go back again. Why not? Who do you agree more with? Me, Anna or the woke one? Or is it a combination? No, so I agree with Lou, but I tend to say things like Anna because I'm not bold enough to say yours. That was super fun. We've just left Lorraine from Buckle Lane. She's lovely. And also, props to Lorraine. Lorraine has listened to every single episode of Luanna. She's taken your advice. She's gone back and listened to the back catalogue. See, everyone have you. Year and a half, with a lovely game of darts.

13:58Half a pint with Lorraine in the local park. Little lager and lime, Lou. Played some darts. Imo and Bex won the darts. We did. I think because Imo was calculating, you probably added it up wrong. How are you? Better than you guys.

14:14Anna Williamson:I think it's fair to say that there were two team members that slightly let the team down. Not only did we have Mama Hilda's flatulence and excessive use of the lavatories, we had... Hilda went to the toilet three times. I know, every time I kept going in there, I kept hearing the flusher go. And then Al came out, having been in a similar situation, with one sock on, and then he just used his sock to wipe his bum because there was no loo roll. How do you feel about that, Bex? is it your future husband? Are you engaged? No. Clever. Well, that's very clever. Need I say more? And if he asked you right now, what would your answer be?

14:51Absolutely not.

14:52Anna Williamson:I mean, I've invited him into this fold. You have? How are you feeling about that? Complete trust, and he's broken that. Completely embarrassed me. You're in for a bollocking tonight, Al. So, our final destination. This is the last leg. We've done it three days. And you're going to give us a little whistle. On the way home, you're going to have a little highlight stop at some of the key places you grew up in. Yeah, key places of my childhood. Milton Keynes, massive. Final stop, guys. Final pit stop, final leg, and it's back to the birthplace of the Zisballs. Milton Keynes. I was born in Milton Keynes General.

15:29Anna Williamson:Nice. Was that a nice hospital, Hildy? It was back then. I've no idea what it's like now. Was she a nice birth? Yeah. She got stuck because the cord was round her neck. Oh, that sounds a bit terrifying. So she was the most ugliest baby ever because she had all these pressure points around her face and everything where she was stuck for quite a while in my vagina. Brilliant. Then at the time, I was born in 87. Yeah. Milton Keynes was very new. Yeah, because it is, isn't it? Being built, I mean, it's grown massively even since I left her when I was 17. Yeah. But the citizen is the... The local rag.

16:08these newspapers. Yes. And they used to go around the hospital to celebrate all the new babies that have been born. That's nice. And then you used to have like your baby announcement in the newspaper with a picture, lovely picture of your baby. For everyone. That's nice. Didn't they, Mum?

16:23Anna Williamson:Yeah, they did because it was such a new city. They were pleased that we were adding to the population. Oh, that's really nice. Yeah. I love that. So you made your first... When I was zero, did I make the newspaper, Mum? in name you did but you certainly didn't with your photo i covered her face in a blanket in the little plastic cot that they're in and i said what are you doing i said no way are you taking a picture of this baby i've never seen a baby so ugly and i'm embarrassed and i don't want my work colleagues to see her so for any listeners uh and viewers who wonder why louisa is as she is with a lot of her views.

17:02Anna Williamson:There you go. And her delivery. From day zero. The apple never falls far from the tree. That was cool. That was it, yeah. That was it. Ugly baby. Ugly baby. Beautiful babe. But up here on your right is Milton Keynes Shopping Centre. Lovely. Now, when I was 13, I got arrested in there for shoplifting. Why did you shoplift, Lou? Well, it wasn't really me. I did steal a CD from HMB but my friend stole a Slender Tone from John Lewis. Bloody hell! But that used to be the shop where that subway is that we'd buy cigarettes on. They always used to serve everybody underage there. Bad. And then everyone would hang out here, you know, and they'd just like smoke and drink cider.

17:50Anna Williamson:A lot of smoking and drinking. There's a lot of smoking and drinking that went on. And I used to really fancy this boy called Mitchell. And then I gave him a blowjob. Jesus Christ. Round there. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. And then this was my house on the right. There's Louise's bedroom window. See that window? That was my bedroom window. Oh, what a lovely house. I used to be right opposite the equestrian centre. Oh, we're pulling in. Oh, lovely. Oh, someone in a wheelchair must be living there now. That's her bedroom window there. My bedroom was there. What a lovely home. So that is my tour. Thank you very much.

18:33You're welcome, you're welcome. And that ends the Luanna Road Trip.

18:39Anna Williamson:The Luanna Road Trip is complete. It's officially ended. Well, there you have it. From Pilates to buttholes to thongs and welly-wanging competitions. To nearly divorcing Hilda for her repulsive backside. Repulsive, absolutely repulsive. Can't even go into that right now. that is the final episode the final day of our Luanna road trip we have absolutely bloody loved it we're celebrating our seven years in style meeting a few of our wonderful Lufanians, there's millions more out of you out there but we can't meet you all but you guys, for everybody though seriously, we met loads but we know that you that are listening right now, we are so grateful to you, thank you for listening to Luanna the podcast, we love doing it, we are so grateful to everybody that tunes in and is so lovely and we will keep doing it for as long as you want us to.

19:28Anna Williamson:We will indeed. So next week we are you farted am I? Someone farted. I did a little one. Let's just say the phrase of the road trip who's farted. Who's farted. Right next week we are back to our usual Monday Fuck Me It Stinks. Monday Thursday episodes we'll see you then. Remember if you've enjoyed listening this week please do watch it on YouTube everything on YouTube. Bye love you bye. Sicko fucking Click the stopping. Stop the farting.

20:01Anna Williamson:This is a Global Player original podcast.