TOTALLY EXTRA: Disney Adults, Peri or Plain Stupid & a Surprise Funeral

0:01This is a global production. Be warned, it's Luana, and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants, and general explicit content. But you know you love it. There is something fundamentally wrong with grown adults going around Disney dressed up as Disney characters. I visibly saw her shudder then float away. Oh my God, the penny dropped. We will actually do a crowdfund to stuff David Attenborough. Do you know like Tesla drivers taking over from the wanker BMW drivers? So awkward. It is so awkward.

0:51Good morning, good morning. Hi guys, how are you doing? It's Thursday. This is Luanna Totally Extra. I'm Lou the great great she's Anna Anna the mate the mate and we're joined by Imo the fate we're talking bollocks we'll take it we're talking bollocks but that doesn't matter because this actually is your episode so it doesn't matter what we say we want to hear from you before we crack on Ingo guys please do make sure you're following on your favourite podcast platform Gis a subscribe on YouTube as well, please. Hello, YouTubers. Oh, wow. Hope you're enjoying Lou's holiday norks. Can't see them, can you?

1:35On my camera, I can't see them. No, I can't at the moment. But every now and again, we get a little tit bit. Right, message from Coral. Hey, she says, I was listening to an old episode and Lou was talking about a woman who was reading her future. The woman said she would have another child and it will be a boy that she won't carry. Is Crumble, the fourth child. Lots of love, Coral. That's it, Lou. Oh, my God. It's Crumble. It's Crumble. Oh, he's gone out now. He was here next. He is the fourth child. He is. And even Andrew really says that he's got four children now. And that's Crumble. There you go.

2:11We've got a message from Kerry in France. Bonjour. Bonjour. She says, hi, girls. Coming in with a misheard lyric, which I do have a lot, to be fair, because I'm shite with lyrics. But this one I had to write in. and it's been 28 years in the making. I've always thought the praise you lyrics were praise you like a shoe. I did always think, why? Why was it a shoe? But my grandma always taught me to judge a man by his shoes. So I thought it was something to do with that until my husband said, what the fuck are you singing? Love that. It's true, they don't really finish that lyric, actually, which is fair.

2:49Praise you like a shoe. Duh, duh, enunciation. next one voice note rant from anonymous so Mandy Stro Mandy Stroyer Mandy Stroyer Mandy Stroyer just an incoming Sunday morning rant why are people so aggressive and fuckwitty in the mornings when you're driving on a Sunday I just had to drive through the giveaway chicanes and I will point out it was my right of way and because I wasn't quick enough to say thank you this twat in a Tesla decided to stick his finger up at me it's Sunday morning Kevin have a day off just because I wasn't as I swung my hand around the wheel to turn I said thank you as he swore at me I mean I was the third car that he had to give way to it's not my fucking problem Kev you have to give way it is the rules of the road just because you've had to wait there's nothing i can do about it well i just i just don't have a day off have a fucking day off honestly i can't yeah just because we're a little bit hungover on a sunday morning or whatever there's no need to swear at people the world has got enough bollocks going on in it don't need to swear if i was the 10th car that you had to give way to and you know I understand that you were getting a little bit fed up but I was the third and like I say it's my right of way sorry I don't make the rules you have to give way yeah please keep me a nom give me some sort of I don't know porn star name like man destroyer we'll come with that bye do you know like Tesla drivers taking over from the wanker BMW drivers.

4:51Social media manager Bex is a Tesla driver. No, but why does anyone? I told them not to buy that car. I was like, don't buy a Tesla. Like, why would you buy a Tesla? It's just a shitty, shitty, shit, shit. Shitty fucker, shit, shit, wank. Not a fan, not a fan. We've got jokes in from a non-so-isac - Isaac - Class joke of the week. what do you call an irish oh i love the lesbian jokes that are coming in she's loving this what do you call an irish lesbian gaelic gaelic i get that one very very good oh that is a good one thank you isaac and smelly kelly also says hi guys i love you all so much your literally lifeline for me thank you babe i thought i'd give a tiny bit back with my one and only joke that i I remember.

5:45It also got me a free lift once. Fair enough. What do you call a policewoman with a hairy vagina? Constable. Love from Smelly Kelly in Doncaster. Woof, she says. I'm loving those jokes this week. I got them all. I found them funny. Very good, guys. You've lifted the bar. Yes. A voice note. I said what I said from a non. So Sue, never better. good morning lovely ladies i am just listening to the latest podcast that you have released while sorting out the yard of horses ferrying hay nets around because it's not bloody rain so the grass isn't growing topping up waters and all that jazz but yeah all good the reason i am doing a voice note and i really hope this comes through clearly is that we just had a weekend away at Euro Disney and this might go against popular opinion however I don't care there is something fundamentally wrong with grown adults going around Disney dressed up as Disney characters yes the ears I agree and the silly glasses and the branded t-shirts you look like knobs I'm all up for having fun and doing the rides and generally enjoying yourself.

7:13But you look like an idiot. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. It's fucking weird. I'm sorry, but it is weird. And I know that people are going to say, well, it doesn't affect you if, like, Betty's wearing Mickey Mears. And it's true. It doesn't. It doesn't actually affect me. But I still find it weird. Well, we all have an opinion. do you know what I mean and that's just the way it is and Betty can do that but in my opinion it's weird fair we've got a message from anonymous so dish washer did you get that one? did you do that? yes, good hi girls and gorgeous am I? oh thank you what are we? what are we? burgers?

7:59probably how about a new feature peri or plain stupid ooh, I like it last week i drove to school with my nine-year-old daughter normal morning sometimes sometimes we drive sometimes we walk scooter bike it's around a mile away i then proceeded to walk all the way home right past my car only realized when i got my keys out to let myself in the house i drove so i would get to work quicker i ended up being late this is really funny so i had to walk all the way back to the car i adore the pod i've been listening since loose Litz days. Have a great day. Lots of love. I love that Perry or plain stupid.

8:40That's Perry. I reckon that's Perry. I think I'm a bit Perry. Oh, you can have twos up on me HRT, babes. Well, do you know what? Also, I keep getting these things on Instagram about ADHD and the menopause. Oh. Apparently it's a big recipe for disaster. Oh. Yeah, apparently. Well, you know, we're here for it all. Andrew's told me to go and get my hormone levels checked. Well, I can give you my lady. Yeah, I am. I was going to ask you for her, actually. You can have my lady. Yeah, I'll pass my lady. I bet she says I'm fine and I'm just actually mental and unstable, which we all know anyway, so there you go.

9:15Well, there you go. There you go.

9:22Challenge Luana. Right, what is this, Immy? Right, so, you know, a few weeks ago, I challenged you guys to bring me your best fart. and I will decide who's is better and I will set you a new challenge for next time. So I will go, we'll do Alphabesca order. Anna, give me your best fart, babe. Have you joined in this or is it just us? No, no, this is just you. All right. Okay. So the task was bring me your best fart. Now I'm going to be totally honest with you girls i have got one or two of my own and they are pathetic as lou and i said on last week's episode ims for some reason silent but violent silent but deadly is over here the actual volume is really pathetic so i had to full confession um would you accept a williamson fart um but it's from another williamson yes okay so on my brother group chat okay with both of my brothers I put out the task and I thought this is where being a sister to two very boyish boys will hopefully come in handy so younger brother failed on the task older brother that's the one that takes his clothes off to do a shit and he likes to he keeps saying to me can you clarify I don't do that anymore yeah right uh my brother has given full permission for me to even the video and I'm going to show you the video on this.

10:51He did this in the pub, apparently, in front of everybody. He's very, very high-powered and good at his job. So how on earth he's allowing this, I do not know, but we'll go with it. So this is my older brother. Hang on, let me get it off. Right. Do you have a fan here? Express yourself.

11:14Bingo. We'll just play that one more time. So this is My Older Brother. That's so good. Let's praise yourself. No, that's a lie. Nice clarity, that. Yeah, it's clarity. I like his bingo. Bingo. He'd been trying that for quite a few tries. So that is from Williamson Senior. What have you got, Lou? This is from a Collins child, I think. or it might be from Natalie. I just sent to Natalie, I need a fart sound. Right, here is one.

11:59Oh, wait, that was my mum. Was that you, is it? Hold on. I hear the cricket. Such a freaking ball. Did you hear it? Yeah. The squeaky door. And your dad at the end, was that you, was it? Well, excellent, Lou. Well done. Well, there you go, Imo. Yours is better. Yeah, Anna. I will give it to Anna this week. Team Williamson for the win. Team Williamson, come on. I needed to put my effort in. What is next week's Challenge, Luanna? Challenge, Luanna. Next recording, I would like you to bring me the best surprisingly cheap thing. oh take how you will something that is surprisingly cheap and it's amazing get your thinking hats on can be anything can be anything digestive biscuits a surprisingly cheap for next time louisa the next time you're gonna have to remind me of this i will yeah okay good excellent love a bit of challenge luana i've got a lot of things because i love cheap stuff exactly i thought you'd like this good one i'm a big fan of cheap surprisingly cheap which is present ourselves it's me hello you're looking at it uh right we've got a message from marinex she says hey luanna immo and every part of the gang that i forget to mention i love the pod and all that shit jizz and other body fluids two parts for you i don't know if you remember but a few years ago someone wrote in for is it weird i think it was saying they put money into a death poll i do remember this and had names of celebrities they thought might die and then they'd win the money well me and my husband loved the idea and 18 months later i've just won 240 quid because of a celebrity death it's sad they died but happy because i'm now 240 quid up.

14:00Oh wow. Well who was it? She doesn't say.

14:07Unpopular opinion, Grease 2 is better than Grease there, I said it. That's ridiculous. Don't keep me a non, Marie from Lancashire and I basically put bets on celebs dying, don't worry we've not put you on the list yet. Oh dark. I want to know who it was. Yeah, who did you win the 240 quid off? Maybe it was Anne Widdicombe. Well, I was thinking that. God rest her son. Bless her heart. Bloody awful that, isn't it? Yeah, awful. But there have been, sadly, quite a few people. Didn't Kevin Keegan die? Oh yeah, I saw that. There have been, yeah, quite a few people of note that have sadly passed away.

14:42David Attenborough. Awful. Stop it. We just confirm, if you were like me and gullible for all of two seconds, David Attenborough is not dead. Bloody well better not be by the time this goes out um oh my gosh don't don't he is a national treasure he is never dying i might have predicted we will actually do a crowdfund to stuff david attenborough because we all need a stuffer yeah he might do it for free i'll sign the stuffer yeah imagine getting to stuff a legend stuff a legend exactly he'll stuff me for free imagine Lou in the corner forever um ask Luana anything now from Jazz hi Luana um I've got kind of a ask Luana anything because I was wondering Imo when you receive messages when you get you know funny voice like notes whatever things like that do you ever think this is hilarious the girls are gonna love this and then they just don't like the reaction you get isn't what you anticipated does that ever happen girls because you know sometimes when you're excited to play some music in the car no one else likes your music or do you guys just know your humor we always find it funny um you don't have to keep me a non i'm jazz and i'm from wiltshire it's interesting this um occasionally this happens like sometimes I'll think something is quite funny and it doesn't hit how I want it to hit or sometimes I'll be like yeah this is fine and you guys piss your pants at it and I'm like oh wasn't expecting that I think it really depends on like your mood that recording I think mood is a big indicator of a lot of it you're absolutely right we can find some of the most unfunny shit just the most absolutely hysterical and then the most obviously funny but then we also laugh at each other laughing so it might not be funny but then one of us laughs and the other one starts laughing and it's like that belly it's like that belly laugh the pit of the stomach I would say rarely probably an answer to the question there we normally find most things funny but yeah you just never know we like to keep everyone guessing to be honest yeah sometimes we find inappropriate things funny things we know we shouldn't laugh at yeah we do but we do yeah that happens a lot a lot right next up thank you for that send in your ask luana anything um message from poppy hi luana so i'm sat on a train home and i've had a realization i'm on a train back from london having just met an old friend i used to work with who has a seven month old gorgeous baby for a spot of lunch in the uk sunshine when i sat in first class well fake first class because you can sit in the back of a train first class without a ticket on any service can you um was half cut munching away on my prawn cocktail crisps with my airpods in listening to your podcast when it hit me i've been noshing these crisps like i'm chewing the carcass of a dead horse and then i just turned the packet upside down to empty the remnants into my mouth that is only when it hit me i'm the epitome of everything louisa would hate on a train That's a prawn cocktail.

17:53Exactly. Not only are my crisps prawn cocktail, but the whole carriage can probably hear me scoffing the bag as I have noise cancellations turned on my headphones. Anyway, I'll carry on my journey, knowing you, Louisa, would hate me if you were in this carriage, but I can assure you I am a great cracker. I wouldn't even give you a chance. Any up-to-head of the week as to how I eat my crisps on trains. Love pops. Love that. Poppy. It's a no from me.

18:23Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. Way fair, every style, every home. I've never told anyone this, but... Hi, ladies. I'm currently sat, smugly grinning like a Cheshire cat, homeward bound after a holiday to an adult-only resort.

19:02My partner and I lead very busy lives, so jump to the chance to have some time out with some close friends. You know the type, non-judgmental and leave you alone all day and you have the best time with drinks of an evening. Bless. Each morning, my partner and I would go separate ways. I'd go for a long leisurely trot around the shops, going for a long walk and he'd go off, do his thing. Most likely a private poo, which is a rare treat in our house. We'd all arranged to meet up by the pool later in the morning. First few days, I noticed that a lot of women separately stand against the walls of the pool, kicking their legs, then turn around, popping their arms over the edge to steady themselves.

19:38It caught my attention that a fair few women at different times were doing this in one spot. And I became curious. You know what it's going to be, right? You know it, you know it. The jet. Bring it home to Mama. I am naturally a nosy cow and people watching, it's just a little hobby. My partner also became quite a regular, doing this funny action in the pool against the walls too. I swam over to him, mainly because he looked fit as a fiddle and those lips needed a smooch. Yep, the vino had an effect on me. But also, what was all the fuss about with this pool wall? A very powerful water vent was the answer.

20:17Jesus wept it was so strong. My partner rocked from side to side and was using it to massage his back. He does suffer with it. So I firstly thought magic, that saves us money on a massage therapist. Turns out these vents are all around the pool, every 10 foot I'd say, and each vent was attracting attention may I say. I'd become a vent detective. Porn pool. Later on yeah, after a little snooze poolside and a couple of frozen cocktails, I headed back to the pool to cool off and noticed this young lady rocking from side to side against the wall. I visibly saw her shudder then float away. Oh, my God, the penny dropped.

20:57No flipping wonder everyone was so bloody chilled out and smiling. The vents were being used as mega blasting clip blasters. Well, I was over to the nearest vent like a short mate and no one was around and locked on. And oh, my life, I felt things I haven't done since my early 20s when everyone's under courage, is on rampant, high alert. Next thing I knew, the other half came up behind me, put his arms around my waist whilst I'm locked onto the pool edge to steady myself, whilst I'm rocked by hips, which actually looked like I was treading water to anyone else, I hope. He whispered in my ear, you okay, darling?

21:32And kissed the side of my head. I nodded because I was too busy trying not to groan loudly at my newfound toy. While he gathered what I was doing, he started groping my arse. And before I knew it, just the thought of a steamy session in private, I came so hard. But whilst I clung to the wall, nipper grip, my partner's wandering hands with my thighs as his hands were working their way up to my crutch, I heard, excuse me, can I borrow your umbrella? Mine's broken and you're not using yours. For fuck's sake. At this point, I'd have given my right lung for the woman asking to bugger off. But we shared a giggle over a glass or two previous in the evening.

22:06so I had to nod gingerly and gush happily with everyone else blissfully unaware that I too had found what we call the clip vent. I spent the rest of the holiday locked on discreetly and I definitely think the hotel is missing a marketing opportunity not advertising these sweet female treats. I know now why lots of women we met up with there were saying they returned year after year. It's stunning and beautiful resort but I've never wanted to do that at any other resort. Now we've rebooked already for next spring. I've asked for a swimming pool whilst we do our own, Breno. But my partner just laughs.

22:40I'm busy saving for that one. Forget Rampant Rabbits, Magic Mike and any other fad. This is the gift that keeps on giving on your holidays, although I wouldn't recommend it at a family resort. Hell no. I'm a long-time listener and your chat's truly brightened my day. Thank you, ladies. You are a tonic to listen to. Well, you have brightened up our day. Good for you in your porn pool, is all I can say. Love that. Lou, get one installed. I know. Second up, right. Hi, Luanna. Love the podcast. I use Hoffwaff way too often. Good for you, though. So do we. Here's a story of mine that still makes me giggle.

23:15I've spent the last three years working on cruise ships, travelling all over the world, and one of my favourite things to do in each new place is visit cathedrals. I'm not religious, but there's something about them. The architecture, stillness, cool air, it makes me slow down and reflect. I love them too. One stop that really stuck with me was along the Amalfi coast. It was one of those perfect days, sun shining, sea sparkling, and I was completely content soaking up the Italian culture. As usual, I headed into an Amalfi cathedral. Stunning high ceilings, intricate details and that peaceful atmosphere that I love.

23:45It was a Sunday and it wasn't busy. A few people dotted around, quiet, calm. I wandered in and naturally sat front row. A man starts playing the organ and I think, perfect. I've timed it with mass. I'll sit, enjoy and soak it in. Then everyone behind me stands up and the doors swing open. That's when I realise this isn't mass. It's a funeral. Oh my God! A coffin is coming up the aisle. Everyone dressed in black crying. comforting a little old lady behind it and I'm sat front row in a bright and mouthy lemon yellow outfit at this point a normal person would leave I do not I panic oh my gosh I say exactly where I am front and center as the coffin reaches the altar and then the priest stands up and right on cue I clock the time and I'm about to miss my bus so now I have to leave mid-funeral front row every single person turns and looks at me i've never felt a glare like it in a blind panic i attempt italian i've just don't bother babes i do not speak italian so what comes out is spanish lo siento adios which means i'm sorry goodbye i then uh i just leave i rush out of the cathedral half mortified half laughing get back on the bus like nothing's happened no one has a clue i've just walked out of an italian funeral dressed like a highlighter safe to say i don't really visit cathedrals anymore these days i stick to bars brilliant very very good oh great stories guys thanks for your trips today that is it we are done but of course the fun continues next monday with your usual dose of luana we will be back then uh drop Drop us your emails, Luana at everythingluana.com.

25:38You can also send us a voicemail or a message, 075-215-64640. We've learnt that number. You have. And don't forget to rate, subscribe and review. We'd be really grateful and to follow on your favourite podcast platform and especially on YouTube as well. Have a great weekend. We love you. Adios. Adios. Lo siento. Adios. Adios. This has been a global production.

26:31Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home.