TOTALLY EXTRA: Feeld Hook-Ups, Driveway Rage & Conspiracy Theories

0:01Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started. Uh, sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice? I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it.

0:24Anna Williamson:Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com. This is a Global Player original podcast Be warned, it's Luanna and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions RANTS Oh, I've got a headache BANTS and general explicit content but you know you love it I am objectively attractive He is a troll I know it's stealing but it's ethical stealing And I quote I dribble quite a lot Needless to say he wasn't talking about his nether regions dribbling did he have somewhere to be i was informed well yeah mum's doing lamb for 130.

1:05Anna Williamson:we all know that bins and parking is my thing

1:14hello welcome to thursday we've still got a it's a four-day hangover guys hangover this is luanna totally extra we're here we're buzzing we are it's lu it's anna

1:23Anna Williamson:we've got emojin producer obviously we've got social media manager bex as well we are raring to go we've got you because this is your episode extra rants extra chat confession stories and we're going to muff hunt straight in but before that listen up folks are you following are you following us please make sure you are on your favorite podcast platform and do subscribe on youtube hello youtubers am i saying that like that i apologize thank you yeah right message first up from anonymous so ivana ivana like it ivana rymia my friends have been badgering me to write into you with my escapades. Oh, good.

1:59Anna Williamson:Enjoy. This is good. Badger more friends, guys, to send in stories. Right, here we go. This is a story of how I left my cheating husband last year after not having had sex since I conceived our son 18 months prior. Previous to this, we had had infrequent, terrible sex for 11 years. Bad times. Turns out he had been sleeping with prostitutes and trans women for years. For context, I am objectively attractive and he's a troll. so the whole thing is hugely offensive. Wow. You go, babe. As a result... That's really too complete. I am objectively attractive. He is a troll. So it's very offensive. It's highly offensive.

2:41Anna Williamson:I love the level of self-esteem there, to be fair. That's winning for you. That's the sort of thing I'd say. Yeah, actually, and I love that. I love that. You know your worth. Yeah. As a result, I decided to go on a sexploration after my friend had heard about an app called Field on Radio 4. Oh, I've never heard of this. Imo has. Imo has. Oh, Imo. Field spelt F-W-E-L-D. What is it? Or is she going to tell us? It's just a bit more of a spicy. That's right. We're going to sign you up. Sign me up. Imagine if I did that and kept getting emails. It'd be such a good petty folly, wouldn't it? It'd be a good prank.

3:16Anna Williamson:I can now say I have had some of the funniest experiences of my life. Every man gets a nickname. I'm sure you can guess what I did to Peggy. I must have been good at it as he then mildly stalked me well done bit of pegging there there was also Red Pants he was a much older gentleman with a sex dungeon oh it is mildly spicy you know you naughty little bing how do you know about it kink just slutty college years just did slutty college years you do know a lot there's a lot that goes on in that brain no no there's a lot of knowledge in the old nun as well in the sounds of it she said this guy spent 20 minutes talking me through all of his toys, at which point I completely lost interest.

3:56Anna Williamson:This wasn't helped by the fact that he reminded me of my aunt.

4:02Anna Williamson:We want to be friends with you. I asked him to blindfold me so that I could get off and then before he could even take his red pants off, I finger gunned my way out there never to return. We then had Bee Man, who was a lovely guy with a beehive who put a towel down before sex explaining and I quote, I dribble quite a lot. Needless to say, he wasn't talking about his nether regions dribbling. Oh, Leaky McLeak. Then comes potato famine. An Irish guy who is incredibly good in bed, but the most depressing man I've ever met. During our meeting, he fingered me in a field. I felt like I was 16 again.

4:46Anna Williamson:The drunk, who, she isn't finished. The drunk, who I had to put in a cab home because he got so pissed. And last but not least, we have Corn Dog. A gorgeous tall man who fisted me. What was worse was that I didn't even realise I was being fisted, which is testament to the structural integrity of my vagina. God bless that Vagbabs. I have also spoken but not met with a number of male porn stars. My favourite was a guy who claimed to be in the top 10 ,000 on Pornhub. Wow. Top 10 ,000. Oh, darling. That's such a lame. I am in the top 10 ,000 on Pornhub. All right, babe. Let's lower that brag in, shall we?

5:28Anna Williamson:He sent me a video of his niche. It's him shagging a sex doll. But the doll has... Oh, dear. But the doll has no arms, legs or head. It's like a first-age torso. It's like shagging a donut. He's just banging a torso. And what's worse, he talked dirty to it. Oh, dear. I kind of want to see that video now, though. Get on Pornhub, Lou, get in that login and now look for that. This has been an incredible nine months of learning more about my sexuality, my kinks and my body. I am genuinely so happy for you. You should be sexually liberated. I'm extremely excited to see what's next. Stay tuned, folks.

6:05Anna Williamson:Please keep us tuned. Do you know what? We'll give you a segment. Yeah, we have the dominatrix of the Dordogne segment. We'll now give you a segment. Yeah, we've not heard from our Dom for a while. No, we haven't. So we should be confessions from Field. So send it in, please. We'd love to know. anyone else on this app please write in to us yeah I feel like I want to download it now we should I get scared about doing silly things like that though yeah well we're married because we're married and imagine if we just did it for Luanna and then we ended up getting divorced well that's the problem yeah and then yeah at least it would be documented can't you sign up Bex we'll get Bex signed up yeah she won't mind she's not married yet we can tell Alex we're only engaged yeah she'll be fine we've got a voice note rant from Millie next hi Luanna this is Millie long-time listener love the pod um just want a bit of a rant really um i'm just getting really fed up with the parking people just parking wherever they want on the street that i live on it's like a narrow victorian road with very little parking and i'm one of the few houses that has a drive and people seem to take that as oh free parking it could be like delivery drivers it could be like the person that's cleaning my neighbor's bin or mowing her lawn or my neighbor's getting his double glazing done no literally i'm sat here looking out the window from my desk and people park on my drive all the time and my car's further down the drive so it's like i'm i am definitely home but people just seem to think it's free parking and they just park here whenever they fuck they want and then sometimes even just sit there just like on their phones and shit and i'm like uh move your car private property oh yeah oh sorry like it's an inconvenience to them I don't.

7:44Fuck off. This is my house. Traffic cone. You're tearing up the tarmac with your shit parking and you're taking up my space. It's your space. That I paid for as part of the value of my house. Fuck off. Yes.

7:57Anna Williamson:You need to traffic cone. That is a round of applause on that. That is violating your privacy. Did that happen to you, Bex? You were hard relating. Bex is like cheering in a corner. People park in your driveway. She's lost work. Yes. She has lost work for people who blocked it. car in. Yeah, you couldn't get out, could you? Have you got cones now? Have you got cones? You need some. I've got traffic cones, obviously. You can have some of my traffic cones. I mean, let me tell you now. I've got those bollards. You've got the bollards. You know what, I've also bought as well. Or you should get that.

8:32You should get the bollard. They're quite easy to install. The ones that fold down and fold up. Actually, you can get them from streetways. People, what do they do? Tell her. Basically. She has a big gate. People park in front of her gate. So she can't get out of the drive with the gates. Oh, but people park in front of you.

8:55Anna Williamson:I would be signposting that, bollarding it. I've got a whole shed of bollards and cones. You can borrow some. We have an annoying thing at the moment on our road. Our road is in a very nicely situated bit of London. in that it's not I'm not nicely situated I mean like it's in a nice area but also like it's really close to all the amenities and like it's near the high street where there's like there's loads of shops and restaurants and there's like a mosque and stuff and people go and worship there So are they parking near your gaff? Well it's not the parking situation I get people sat in their cars engines running for hours Why?

9:38I have no idea That should be illegal I've decided Also, the engine running thing is really bad for the environment. That's what I mean. It should be legal. It's really annoying. And they just sit there, just having a chat. Do you know what you should do? Sitting on their phones, eating their dinner. I've got it for you. I've got it. Go on. Get a water gun. Or just the hose. Get a water gun. Yeah. Draw your curtains. I would take great pleasure in this. Yes. High power water gun. And just, so when they're sitting there, suddenly, it's not illegal. You'll do no damage with a little squirt of water.

10:09No, you're right. It will shock them into music. Especially if their window's open. And do you know what else you could do? You put a laser pen on your water gun. That's good. So they get suddenly, they can see a red laser like their target and then psh, water. Because I have thought of maybe going out to ask them that, but obviously I'm not into confrontation. Water gun, laser pen.

10:32Anna Williamson:That's what you actually need to do. Can I come round? I'll do it. You need to go out like I do, passive aggressively and go, can I help you? Are you looking for something? Are you okay? Well, can I just add to this as well? Because I think nothing riles anyone, especially me, rather than shitty, inconsiderate parkers and just general traffic. We all know that bins and parking is my thing. But equally, there's a new one as well. Every Saturday morning now, I've got into a lovely little routine. Elle goes to a new little performing arts. So I go and do my little Lousy shop, right? It's obviously busy of a Saturday morning.

11:02Anna Williamson:You know, lots of people do the Saturday big shop, right? So I go in there, car parking space. How do you do that when you don't have a proper job? You could go at a non-busy time to do your weekly shop. Actually, you are adding to a big economic problem here. But I would like... A fuckwit, that shop. You don't need to do a big shop on a Saturday morning. Big night weeks are chocker. I am back to back. I'm saying, back to back, you're always in that Thai massage place or getting your feed done or something. Like, you're back to back with self-care. That's like me with my horses. But I'm being economical because the performing arts is right next door to the big Audi.

11:38Anna Williamson:So I don't want to travel 20 minutes to big Audi on a day where I don't need to. So I tie it in. So I will refute that and I will say I am actually making good use of my time. I feel like you have flexibility to not clog up the supermarket on a precious weekend where all the Monday to Friday are working. This has turned on me, but I'm going to turn this back out again. Because when I go in on my Saturday morning, I've dropped her off, I get in the car, I'm like, I'm going to do my big Aldi shop. And to your point there, Imogen, of people sitting with the car going, everyone is sort of waiting for a car parking space.

12:09Anna Williamson:You wouldn't have to wait either if you weren't in the week when everybody else was working. Well, no, true, true. But everyone's waiting for a car parking space. And then you've got people that have done their big shop. They're in their car. They're then doing their let's eat the French bread. You know, let's have my coffee. The car engine is going. And they're sitting there having their snack, not moving the car. And I'm like, move the car so somebody else can come and park now, Steve, and go and park down the road and have your car snack. Don't sit in. There's so many people sitting there on Saturday morning on their phone, having their little snacky with the car going, and everyone's waiting to park their cars.

12:41Anna Williamson:Shop, park, go. Can I just also say, just do what I do, a car day. Well, I do that too, but I like to do some things. It came this morning, 7.30. Well, boom. I like to see what I'm buying. I was in bed because I actually didn't get off bed for us. You didn't, you were hungover. I like to see what I'm buying. So that's my other bugbear about parking. You see, it always ignites the debate. I love it.

13:04Anna Williamson:Right, shit gift from Kate. Go for it. Hi, girlos. Absolutely love you and all that you do. Can't wait to see you at the Troxy on October. We actually checked. We have a few, about 25 tickets left. Out of like 6 ,000. So that's exciting. Oh. Oh. What was that? What was that? Who was that? Louisa just flicked off our script on the computer it's a passport of someone that works for me because I was doing the visas wow you sure you want to employ them? he actually is very good looking but you can't see it there I now feel like I need to show you that he's good looking anyway so shit gift for you she's coming to Troxy coming to Troxy in October I've got a shit gift for you I took a year out in my 20s and went travelling saw the most beautiful places, met incredible people and had the time of my life.

14:01I'd sorted it so I'd arrive home on my birthday. My mum was planning a little party for me as a birthday and welcome home. Well, I got home, tears all around and presented with the most gigantic carrot cake, my absolute fave. Covered in walnuts of decoration and crushed nuts up the sides of the icing. I'm allergic to nuts. Clearly my poor mum had a complete brain fart and forgot. She did feel awful and immediately set to work making me an alternative, but I've never let her forget it.

14:29Anna Williamson:Oh, babe. That was her shit gift. Well, a cake that could kill her. She's never forgotten that. So it probably is quite shit. Death by cake. Yeah. We've got Petty Polly next from Teagan. Hi, Luanamo. I've got a Petty Polly for you. My husband's been at football since 9.30 this morning. It is now 20 past seven at night. Oh. Obviously, I'm a great time. I'm exhausted because I've had the shits for the last three days, and the four-month-old baby, which you can probably hear snoring in the background because it's attached to me, has had the shits for the last four days. So you can imagine how much sleep I have had and how much I was looking forward to the weekend so my husband could maybe take the three-year-old out so I might be able to get a bit of sleep or just do a shit without having to have someone on me or touching me or asking me something.

15:17But no, he's been away all day. So my revenge is going to be I'm going to do it now. I'm going to go over to the nappy bin. I must add, he sleeps downstairs so that he gets a full night's sleep and is not broken up by the baby or the three-year-old. But in the downstairs bedroom is where I change the baby. So here's the bin. And I'm just going to put this little bit and wedge it in so that it doesn't close completely.

15:46Anna Williamson:And then I'm going to shift it slightly into the sun. Good. Now, the aroma of baby poo is going to permeate through his bedroom. So whenever he comes back, he's going to have to go to sleep with baby shit in his nose. So, yeah, that's my petty poly. Love you guys. It's Tegan from New Zealand. Absolute queen. Absolute queenage. We hope that you are no longer shitting and that your husband steps up a bit more. You need to have some firm words. Yeah. Message from Anonymous, say Trudy. Hi, Luana. I don't really know where to start with this, but I'm going to try carefully. I have so much, I have not so much a dilemma, but I think I'm just thinking of an honest, open discussion and your opinions on only children.

16:32Anna Williamson:Some context. I'm 33 and me and my husband have one little girl who was nine. She is absolutely perfect in every way and we're incredibly happy with our life. When I had my girl, I never, ever wanted any more children. And to be completely honest, I still don't. This is something me and my husband both agree on. But I feel so unbelievably guilty about this decision. I cannot stop thinking about her when she grows up. and what if she's lonely? What if she resents me for not giving her a sibling? She doesn't ask for a sibling. She genuinely isn't bothered. She has the most fantastic life and she has so many friends, a lovely home, lots of cousins and there's no way on earth she would be able to have the things that she has now if we were to have another baby, holidays, etc.

17:05Anna Williamson:But I just can't help but wish maybe we should have had another one when she was little and there's something I can't get out of my head with that. I had an absolute traumatic birth. I'm so sorry to hear that by the way. Four day labor which ended with forceps and me having a blood transfusion, basically carbon copy. Me and my little girl both nearly didn't make it i think i'm just looking for some advice and if you think i'm being selfish by not having another child i think this is something a lot of people go through and any advice or opinions are welcome love you all and the pod you know what um my friend kate lawler talks a lot about this um yeah she's got um uh one little girl uh noah and um you might like to go and follow kate actually and see some of like the commentary she does she speaks so brilliantly and articulately around that whole dilemma around the one child thing um i think to be honest like you've already this is a this is a you she's nine now as well how would you bother now going back to all that but also if this if this helps in any way like having one one and done is is such a hugely growing demographic now and you've just said yourself your daughter's got lots of cousins lots of people lots of friends um and i think i just also know so many people myself included that in adult life people think like oh let's give them a sibling so they'll have when they're older.

18:17I mean, I don't even speak to my brother. And I know a lot of people, actually 50 % of us in this room don't have a relationship with our siblings. Well, or have challenged ones. Yeah, for sure. So, you know, like so many of my friends, actually more than not, wouldn't choose to be friends with their siblings or don't even speak to their siblings now as older. You're quite unusual, Anna. You all get on. Oh, me and my, yeah, we're very close. That is quite unusual. But that is quite unusual. so I really don't think you need to buy into that thing about the whole sibling bullshit you do what's best for you and your family and your child knows no different

18:53Anna Williamson:no and the main thing is that she says she's happy you know and she's not asking for any other children I think this probably is one is very easy as well let me tell you I think this probably stems from a sort of psychological perspective it probably is deep rooted in your birth trauma and I'm really sorry you had that and perhaps any thoughts and plans you may have had back then about having more children but I think babes make peace with this. You've got a great, good daughter. Everything's working out well for you. And you know what? In Life to Lose Point, lots of people do actually fall out with siblings anyway.

19:22Anna Williamson:So I wouldn't bank on that being an amazing thing. You know, if you did have another sibling, they may not even get on. But equally, I think, as we all know, your family is who you curate in it. That's your friends. That's your work colleagues. You know, your family is whoever you bring into that. And I think that's absolutely true for only children. Don't worry, honey. You've got this. Don't sweat it, honey. We've got a rant now from Sue Vlacky. Sue Vlacky. Oh, I could do a Sue Vlacky. Morning, girls. Morning, Anna, Emma, Louisa, Bette. Hi, babe. Big fan of the pod. And I have actually a little rant.

19:59And I am fed up of websites who are selling a service, such as, example, water babies or a ballet school, swimming lessons. They don't show their fucking prices. which means that I have to search for their number, search for their email, call them, and then they have my information. So baby swimming classes, I had to put my email in, had to WhatsApp them, and now I get fucking weekly calls saying, oh, are you signing up to water babies that you inquired about? Well, actually, no, because you're so fucking expensive, but if you'd put your prices on the website, I wouldn't have had to contact you, and now you have all my information.

20:38It's just seedy. Just don't hide your prices. put them big black and white there and maybe I'll actually sign up. But you hiding them just makes me think that you're an expensive brand and it's pissing me off. Yeah, it's a tactic. They do that with horses as well. It's really annoying. Oh, we love this. We've got Bellens at Birth from Farah. Love this. Hey girls, love, love, love the pod. I'm still catching up and at the moment you've had a load of Bellens at Birth stories and I knew I had to send him mine. My ex-husband is very close to his family. We live around the corner. And without fail, he used to go to his mum's every Sunday for a roast.

21:14Well, silly old me went into labour late on Saturday night. I was managing pretty well through the night, managed to get some sleep. But come Sunday, I was starting to struggle with the pain. So I kicked the husband awake and he took me to the hospital. They checked me over. I was only two centimetres, sent me away with some painkillers. Towards mid-morning, the pain got too much for me again. So after speaking with the midwife, I went back in. And this time they put me on the ward as I progressed well. I'd noticed that my darling ex at this point, probably around 11am, I imagine that is, started checking his watch pretty frequently.

21:48And me being snappy and irritable, asked him what he was playing at. Did he have somewhere to be? I was informed, well, yeah, mum's doing lamb for 1.30.

21:58Anna Williamson:My God, the biggest moment of your life, having a baby and your mum's doing a roast lamb in an hour and a half. I says, I could have hit him. After some tense words, he got the picture that he wouldn't, in fact, be around his mums for 1.30. But to add insult to injury, he did get his sister to drive him round a Tupperware of dinner to the hospital. So he didn't miss out. He sat there scoffing away in the corner whilst I mooed like a cow through contractions. I eventually welcomed our gorgeous baby girl after 33 hours. So you could have gone for the roast. You could have gone. Could have popped round.

22:36And of course was notified that my ex had in fact had, yes, time to go to his mum's for a proper hot dinner. You wonder why he's an ex, hey? Love Farah. I went to Claridge's when I was in labour. Did you? Yeah. Me, my mum, my dad, Andrew, we all sat in Claridge's drinking champagne, I'd have my TENS machine on. Did you? Yeah, and I was like, I think I gave birth a few hours later. Do you know where I went?