TOTALLY EXTRA: Fizzy milk, Moon Cup Spillages & a Secret CenterParcs Operation.

0:02This is a Global Player original podcast. Be warned, it's Luana and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. But you're here, it is Thursday and it's Luana Totally Extra. Welcome.

0:16Anna Williamson:Welcome, you beautifuls. Oh, we love you. It's Luana, producer, Imo. We've got Bex floating around as well. Like a floater. She is. Welcome to Totally Extra. Of course, this is the ep where we bring extra rants, extra chat, extra confessions, extra stories, extra you. Before any of that, though, stop. Public service announcement. Stop right now. Thank you very much. Subscribe on YouTube if you're watching it now. Now. And follow on your favourite podcast platform. Follow on your favourite podcast platform and subscribe on YouTube if you wouldn't mind. We'd be ever so grateful. We would. And it keeps the big bosses and us, Trez, happy.

0:56Anna Williamson:It keeps us in business, guys. Thank you, guys. We love you. Right, we're going to muff hunt in straight away with a message from Paige. She says, hi, Luanamo. Love the pod. And all that mumbo-gumbo. Nice. That's a new phrase. It is, isn't it? I've been watching you guys on YouTube. Do you remember Mbongo's? Mbongo, Mbongo, you drink it in the Congo. You drink it in the Congo. Do you think you'd be allowed that now? That jingle? Is Mbongo the same? Mbongo, Mbongo, drink it in the jungle, the something and the something and the drink it in the Congo. Mbongo and Congo, no? Isn't that how it goes?

1:35Anna Williamson:Mbongo, Mbongo, they drink it in the jungle. all the... Anyway, forget it. I'm just saying that mumbo-gumbo, it sounded like mbungo, and now we've gone on a whole other level of mission. You're taking me down for advert nostalgia. What happened to Lilt as well? It's still a thing, though. Is it? Is it? I loved a Lilt. I loved a Lilt pineapple. Yeah. Forgot about Lilt till I started thinking about mumbo-gumbo. Can I just say, today we need to find a can of Lilt. I like a Rio. Do we think that Rio is Lilt rebranded? Potentially, because they are quite similar. Can I just say, I've just reminded myself on holiday with my family in the 90s on the beach with a can of Lilt and a packet of ready-salted heat.

2:19Anna Williamson:Lilt is no longer a thing. Told you. They rebranded as Fanta Pineapple and Grapefruit. Stop it. No, I'm not here for that. So it is still a thing. It's the same thing. I wanted Lilt though, baby. I've never seen Fanta Pineapple and Grapefruit. Yeah, you get it in like the corner shop where the good cans are. Yeah, like the traditional corner shop. I want Lilt. I'd love to count a little. It's the same thing, babe. It's just a different brand. I want the Lilt. It's Rio then. Rio is delicious. It's like tropical fizzy drink. Oh, see, that's what we need out of a can. None of this water bullshit.

2:55That stuff. And do you know what was good? Like Lilt with ice cream. Do you ever have like a cream soda? A floater. Wasn't it a floater? Coke float, wasn't it? Coke, oh yeah. What about cream soda? When I was pregnant with Dixie, that was my craving. I've only just remembered that, cream soda. Oh, get me a cream soda from the corner shop. Yes, oh yes.

3:16Anna Williamson:Did you ever have a soda stream? Yes. Back in the late 80s, early 90s. And I only ever got like one bottle of the refillable cream soda. It's a waste of money. Yeah, my mum refused. She was, I'm not going to say anything. It was a waste of money on one of those canisters. There's still a thing on it. Yeah, I had one like in the 2000s, I swear. I have a question about... Do you think I can eat a Percy Pig? Yeah, about SodaStream. I've got to read this story. Could you... Because the idea is that you put any liquid in it and it makes it fizzy, right? Is it? No? I don't know. You press the button and it carbonates it.

3:46Anna Williamson:Well, it just took the water, carbonated, then you put some syrup in it. Could you put milk in it and make milk fizzy? I don't know. Okay, whoever's got SodaStream needs to do this immediately. I don't know, why? I was just wondering what fizzy milk would be like. What's fizzy milk like? Gross, but I don't know why I think it's gross. Yeah, none of us want fizzy milk, but we all want to see if you can get fizzy milk. But there is a Korean drink that is milky soda, but I don't know if it's fizzy. You can get it from the Korean shop down the road. Obviously, it's Korean. Wow. Well, whoever's got a SodaStream, can you test it for us, please?

4:23Can you test it and see? Yeah, Google it. Can we make milk fizzy? It is. It is. What? Milker. It's a Korean fizzy milk drink. Should we get it today? Because we are near Chinatown. I can try it. Is it real milk?

4:38Anna Williamson:I don't know. Google if SodaStream, can SodaStream make milk fizzy? Can SodaStream make milk? This is just the thoughts that go through our heads, guys. It makes really good content. Yeah. Can it? Can it? No. No. Why should you not? Why it fails? because milk contains fats and proteins that prevent CO2 from properly dissolving. There you go. Everyone's had a chemistry lesson. So it just foams aggressively instead of carbonating. Anyway, there you go. Anyway, right. Bloody interesting. You should finish eating now. Yep. Off you go, Luke. Yep. Mumbo gumbo. Love the part in all that mumbo gumbo. We're back to mumbo gumbo.

5:17Can I just say, we just went off on a proper ADHD tangent on that one. Right. I've been watching you guys on YouTube for almost a year now. I found the pod shortly after my dad passed away very suddenly. And Luanna has given me the laughs I've needed to get through a very difficult time. I'm not really sure which category this story should go in, but I hope it gives you a giggle. In the aftermath of losing my dad, it was up to me and my sisters to start gathering his belongings, deciding what to keep and what to be. The eldest of us came across a box labelled me and my friends.

5:48Anna Williamson:Oh, that's so cute. This is going to make me cry. I'm so sorry. That was so cute. And also My Dad's My World. Which was full of DVDs. Quick caveat, our dad was in a punk rock band. Go on, Papa. In the early 80s. And we have vivid memories as kids of sitting down to watch the concerts and rehearsals that have been burnt onto discs like the little ones in the box. Me and my friends. That's so cute. I can't bear it. In the little rock band. Oh, I can't bear it. My older sister decided she would take them home and watch a few with her own daughter. in a sense carrying on this family tradition. The next time we saw her, I asked if she was done watching and if I could have them next to Remiss.

6:29She said, I wouldn't want to watch any. Oh, no, what's he done?

6:34Anna Williamson:What's he done? Oh, no. Is he been a dirty daddy? I asked why. She proceeds to tell the tale. She sat down to watch these with my niece, who was 15 at the time, by the way, pressed play and the video began. It started off light-hearted, just my dad and a woman sat having sandwiches on a bench. Nothing exciting. Yeah, go on. And then the horror. The screen very quickly got to the woman being stark naked on a bed. Now, we'd move from a sandwich to a ham sandwich. Stark naked on a bed with her legs akimbo closely followed by our dad's bare arse cheeks and them getting down to business. Yes, my sister.

7:19and just sat down to spend quality time with her daughter watching granddad's homemade porn on a 50-inch widescreen TV. I don't know what's more traumatic, my dad suddenly dying or the fact that one of his kids and grandkids is seen as dick and ultra-4KHD has made a fucking porn. Turn it off! Turn it off! oh my god she's like sadie cover your eyes fucking grappling grand grandad's ass the balls are getting slapping against her safe to say i don't think we'll be carrying on that tradition no need to keep from anon i'm paint from porter's head p.s i'd love it if this could make the thursday episode on the 26th of march and get a shout out as that will be my 30th birthday happy 30th page happy birthday listen we love your dad what a goer him and his friends

8:23she's lined up he's like right got the camera angle leslie i'm coming in but before that so

8:29Anna Williamson:many questions why the filming of them eating a sandwich on a bench like i just love the storyline and they're obviously going for a storyline from that to that. I'm just so afraid. Alfresco eating to Alfresco shagging. Go on, your dad. Oh, she's seen Grumpy fucking on the big telly. Wow. Yeah, you can't really get out of that one when she's 15. Oh, brilliant. You can't fib about anything. We've got a voice note rant from Kelly next. Hey, girls. Just wanted to send it in a little rant. Long-time listener and all of that, obviously. So, on Instagram now, when people like these sort of fashion influencers i follow a lot of pages for clothes and you know just in a primark hall and here's what i got etc a lot now i think like gatekeeping the um where they're getting stuff from so they'll tag a really good out they'll post a picture of a really good outfit or a really good top or bargain whatever and it's comment shop and we'll dm you the link why i don't want to comment shop and i don't want the link dm'd just say where it's from yeah and i can go and look for it myself if i want to or i don't want to why do i have to comment so the other day i saw one and i thought surely someone else in the comments has just put girls you know this is all on i don't know new look yeah or this on asos or next whatever um looked in all the comments and it was all like shop shop shop shop and it was like the end the end the end the end why what do they get out of that i'll explain yeah did they get a better i don't know payments or something because of the DMs.

10:01Anna Williamson:I really don't understand it and it drives me crazy. I don't want to go through all that faff. Just tell me where the top's from. I'll tell you why. Why this happens. I should have added Kelly and I'm from Bedfordshire. Thanks, Kel. Well, Kelly, let me tell you why. Because basically you can do like, you can set it so that DMs a link and then off that link they'll get a kickback commission on it. Yeah. So they're earning money off the link. That's why they just don't say where it's from. And that's why so many people do that sort of format. Yeah, because it's all automatic. Which, you know, they've taken the time to create the content and upload the outfit and do all that.

10:37So then they send you the link and they'll get like, I don't know, 5 % if you buy. If you buy through that. That's why. That is, it is. It is a business tool. Also, I would actually rather have the link to click and buy than having to hunt it down. Because sometimes I see that when people post Zara and then they'll put the code. Yes. And it's like annoying having to then, because you can't copy and paste from Instagram.

11:00Anna Williamson:Also, what I would also say, and Kelly, I'm totally here with you, by the way, when I don't do any of that thing, when I'm wearing my outfits for Celebs Go Dating, but people are very nice. But there's often, I do actually link always in my post where my outfits are from, and then I've always got in my comments, where's your outfit from?

11:18Anna Williamson:Misheard lyrics from Rachel Nex. Right, since being a child, I have sung the lyrics to... Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques, dormez-vous, dormez-vous. Sloppy Semolina, sloppy Semolina, ding-dang-dong, ding-dang-dong. I never have considered it. It was wrong until today when I was singing it. Dormez-vous, dormez-vous, sonne le matine, sonne le matine in the morning. Oh, is it Italian? No, it's French. Yeah. Ding-dang-dong. singing it in front of the fam and I was rightly corrected by my husband. Sloppy Semolina's better. It is. I text Luanna. Love you all, Rachel from Harpenden. Thanks, Rach. Thanks, Rach.

12:01Very sweet.

12:02Anna Williamson:Voice note Petty Polly from Petunia Polita. Oh, Petunia Polita. Hi, Luanna Mo. I've got a quick Petty Polly for you. My husband pissed me off so much this morning that I got his thermos every morning, makes himself a lovely cup of coffee as he's out on the way out the door for work i tipped out his coffee and i filled it up with warm water i screwed the lid back on i put it exactly where i found it i know for a fact that when he gets into his car this morning on his long off journey he's gonna have a nice sip of water and he can go and fuck himself for it love you guys bye oh well hopefully that was deserved.

12:48Anna Williamson:And do you know what? If it's anything like me, when I take my coffee thermos to work and I wait, in my head I know it's going to be like 20 minutes until that's cooled down for the right tempo to take it out of your central thing. Tempo. Yeah, have a little sippage and he's going to be halfway around that M25, go for his sippage. Bingo, she's won. She's won. Tepid water. She's won. Tepid water. Right, we've got another Petty Polly in from Claire. My favourite. She says, hey Lou Animo, love you ladies, been listening for years and I've introduced my sister to you. Thank you. Well done. We're both official Lufanians currently going through the back catalogue to get me through my morning commute to work.

13:22The Felicia episode made me laugh out loud. Who's Felicia?

13:27Anna Williamson:Who's Felicia? If you don't know what we're talking about you can go back to listen to all the episodes around that. That was a classic. Anyway just a little petty poly for you. My son is two and his back teeth are coming through. I'm sure you can both relate to the sleepless nights. Can I show you I've got the best tip for teething children. You need that The Ambersole liquid, Nurofen, Cowpole, and the powder. Like quadruple dose that. Was it Ashton's and Parsons? Quadruple dose that before you put that kid to bed. They'll be out like a count. And if you need a top-up, add in some... We just say, Louisa is not a medical doctor, so that is not verified information.

14:05Anna Williamson:But yes, it is an anecdotal one. Lots of people do do that. Add in a melatonin gummy and you're on your way. It is. You can only get those in America, though. They're great. Right, anyway. The other night, my son was having a particularly bad night and my husband had man flu. Me being the loving, doting wife decided to go and settle our son, sleep on the floor in his room so my husband could get some sleep. That's nice. We wake in the morning and I start tiptoeing around our bedroom, getting myself and my son ready for work and nursery. My husband then wakes and has a go at me, saying we're very loud and how I don't even care about him being unwell.

14:40As you can imagine, this got my back up. Myself and my son went to the sink to clean our teeth. When my son pointed to a big green hardened chunk of phlegm in the sink that my husband had spat out in the night and not rinsed away. Actual divorce. Touching this disgusting piece of gob made me shudder. So I proceeded to clean it away, scrubbing at it with my husband's toothbrush. It was so thick that it left a nice chunky bit of... That was her ass. That's her ass. She's got a stress fart about this story.

15:20Anna Williamson:It's so stress fart. It's so stress farting. Help me, I can't deal with this. That's my gag reflex. Oh! Oh, I don't know... Oh! Oh, it's bad. It was so thick that it left a nice chunky bit of residue on the end of the bristles. I hope he... I hope he enjoys scrubbing that. I don't know what I'm gagging at more than smell. I've stimulated. I hope you enjoy scrubbing that all over as teeth when it got up. Love you ladies. Don't keep me on. Claire from Carp and Marth and Marth. Bye Felicia. Bye Felicia. Vile. You're vile. You make me sick. It's okay if it's mine. Mine smell like peanuts and it's nice.

16:04Voice note now from Louise.

16:06Anna Williamson:Beautiful. My name is Louise. I'm from Northern Ireland. And I just happened to be listening to last Thursday's episode when there was a lovely lady speaking about bin fluencing. Yes. Now, I thought I'd throw one in the mix. It's not an extra 16 bins. It's more so we are a lazy pile of shits over here because we have three large bins. And basically, it's a free for all. I basically chuck a bag in from the back door and whatever bin it lands in, that's the bin that it stays in. also the bin men had said to me just bung it into any bin we don't bother recycling it so are we really putting all this effort in for no reason yes because even when i go to the dump with like food in my bag or it could be teddies or old clothes they all say to throw it into this one big just get smashed up dumpster yeah see so i think we're wasting our time yes it is a waste of time well this is the challenge with it I'm telling you we can all do these lovely things but at the end of the chain if it all goes into one big old vat why am I having a break why did I even well actually I didn't invent BIM Fluencer but you see this is why the BIM Fluencing has just right message from Elle long time listener first time writing in following on from the Sims chat Sims chat got a lot of traction it did I also use it to kill my Sims we're all sickos we are I used to create a room, take the door away, put a fireplace in the room with lots of wooden furniture and it was set on fire.

17:43Anna Williamson:Sims' arsonist. Sadistic, I know. My name's Elle and I'm from Southampton. We were all killing ourselves. Sims, can I just say, now this is so hypocritical of me, right? Because my boy keeps asking, I'm permanently saying no, no, no to different computer games. And he wants to watch, he wants to play this new game. you might know other parents called Among Us right which is one that you can download on on your Nintendo Switch so I said what I could do with all games you bring them to me we'll have a look we'll see if they're appropriate or not so anyway he was like you can use there's an online version it was actually last night and I kept saying no he's getting really upset and I said no because I'm not sure about the gameplay you know it says it's about killing and I'm not okay with that you know and he said the biggest problem I have with the gameplay is the chat function whatever yeah well he was pitching it to me but i said look let me let me figure it out well anyway he left i found the online thing i went i'll have a little play on it um when you're asleep oh no i do i really do it's the only way i'm gonna get somewhere i think with this child eventually i'll have a little play on it and deem if it's suitable or not you know for you tomorrow well i got on this game last night and well you have to kill people and you go around and you're You're a little person, right?

18:53Anna Williamson:You go around, it's like, it's animation. You go around and it's all the sensory overload. It's like, it's a little person. And then you get down these little rabbit holes and things, like these little things. And then you have to press a button which explodes someone. You have to stand next to other people and then explode them. And I'm starting to fucking press that button hard. And I was like, this is how kids get addicted. And then this morning he went, Mummy, did you manage to play the game? And I was like, I did. He went, and? And I was like, not appropriate. Yeah. I don't think it's appropriate.

19:24Anna Williamson:Fucking loved it. And I'm going back on it. I've got to kill people and shit. But what's the problem with these kids? I'm a 44-year-old woman, and I think I can emotionally regulate. My nine-year-old spicy boy can't. But I did love it. And then I'm on the chat, and then on the chat, they're like, I think it's because you've got to guess who, like the imposter. It's a bit like Cluedo. I think it's so-and-so. I was like, fuck you, orange person. Fuck you, red person. I'm getting really aggy on this chat with them. I'm like, it's not me. You were chatting? Yeah. How old were the children you were interacting with?

19:53Anna Williamson:I don't even, I think it might just be like an automated chat, if I'm honest with you. It's not children. Or maybe it is. Wow. There you go. Well, if you can talk on it. Yeah, but that's why, genuinely, big, genuinely, I do a lot of this, and I think it is really important. There's parents that you play the games. Like it's like Toca Boca. Girls, you see, nice games. Fashion, some fashion thing. And Elle's all about our little pets games and everything. Yeah, Kemi likes the horse riding games. Honestly, I would say as a boy mum in particular, it is a thing because it is what boys are doing. And most of the games they want to play are like, you know, these multiplayer game thingies.

20:28Anna Williamson:But go and play them yourself just to see what they're like. Well, I'm a lemmings girl. I like the lemmings jumping off the cliff. We've got more Sims on here. Best thing that's ever happened to you financially. Go. Easy. Sold my car on Carvana. Amazing offer. Really? I hit 200 on a scratcher. Did the scratcher come to your house and hand you a check? No. How many scratchers did you hit to get that? I hit a button on Carvana.com once. Okay, that's fair. It's like the lottery, except you always win. Not like the lottery at all, actually. Exactly. Inexplicably good. Offers worth bragging about. Sell your car today on Carvana.

21:09Anna Williamson:Pickup fees may apply. Right, we've got a voice note now from Jess. Hi, Luanna team. Love the pod and all that jizz. just a quick one well I know why you've been on my mind you girls have been on my mind all weekend because we have just achieved the farting stage in our new relationship me and my partner I've been within five months and we've only just started farting in front of each other so this weekend has been full of belly laughs, farts spells I don't even know why it's so funny I don't mind a fart at all it's normal, I laugh when my kids fart My kids laugh at me when I fart. It's just normal.

21:50Anna Williamson:But why are we all so scared? Well, I know why we're so scared. It's fear of judgment, fear of shitting your pants, fear of the fart smelling, fear of the fart being loud in a new relationship. So me and my boyfriend have just passed the farting stage. And this weekend we've done nothing but laugh and be in disgust and, yeah, just letting it all rip. It's love at first smell. I can now say that I am out of the tummy ache phase. I am out of farting out of the pub far soon as we leave the house I just feel free because you are all disgusted and love the farts well not everyone Anna and Lou yeah I just thought I'd voice note in and say that it's been a windy one in the house this weekend love the pod, love you girls, love the Luanna team love from Jess from Leeds Jess, you are the happiest little farter she's buzzing about that congratulations darling We sometimes get birth announcements on here, marriage announcements, and this is a fart announcement.

22:49Congratulations, darling. Oh, dear. Right, up some confessions. I've never told anyone this, but hi, girls, love the show, and I often laugh out loud in the shops. Anyway, here's my embarrassing story, and I hope it gives you a giggle. I had just bought a moon cup in my new venture to be more planet conscious. I came on my period and was going to a party at a friend who had just renovated her house. So I thought, no time like the present, popped in my moon cup and all was going great. After a few hours, I thought, better go empty it. Off to the toilet, I go to the new beautiful, pristine bathroom.

23:25I sat on the toilet, sorted myself and remembered I'm supposed to give it a rinse before popping it back in. The toilet was very close to the sink. That's handy, I thought. so I stayed, sat on the loo and went to give my moon cup a rinse. I put it under the tap. Oh no, proceeded to turn the tap on. The water pressure was phenomenal and it shot into the cup, shot out all over the new floor sink and white walls, plastered with my blood-stained period water. Got something out of saw. Panic-stricken. I cleaned up, pop it back in and went to flush the toilet and it wouldn't flush away. Anyone who uses the cup knows the blood pools at the bottom on the toilet.