TOTALLY EXTRA: Merging Lane Fury, Voice Note Of The Year & Words You've Been Saying Wrong

0:02This is a global production.

0:04Anna Williamson:Be warned, it's Luana and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bans and general explicit content. And it also features sick pig zissbags. You are not a bus, you are not a train and you are not a tractor. I didn't know what to do. I didn't spit it back out. I just swallowed it. She swallowed it. So gag warning, apologies Anna. You know what really fucks me off to the absolute upteeth pissing level? They'll never have the balls to even look at you. Yeah, fucking stare me out and don't let me merge you. If you're going to not let me in, at least look at me. It's a 10. I think you've topped it this year.

0:41Anna Williamson:I'd say that's the one to beat.

0:48Anna Williamson:It is the week, the week that broke this. Not really, she's fine. She just needs a little bit of a week to rest and recover. and we have obviously given her that seeing as neither of us have taken off a sick day in eight years. But we haven't shortchanged you, our beautiful, beautiful Lufanians. This, of course, is your episode, your Totally Extra. So let's see exactly what you're saying. Oh, she's angry. Why? Why on earth do people have what I'm going to call vehicle dysmorphia when they think their vehicle is one size and yet it is not? Oh, yeah. It is not, Karen. you can fit your tiny little fucking Cleo through that gap.

1:29You are not a bus, you are not a train, and you are not a tractor. Learn the dimensions of your car, Karen. That is all.

1:44Anna Williamson:I think we can all relate to that, Helen. No, I'm just dumb. I have nothing to add. Next voice note from Anonymous. So Robin Thrush. Robin Thras. So I'm trying to do a very clear, distinct voice, but I have a question for you, Anna. Yes. Imo.

2:08Can I just say, when I listened to this voice note the first time,

2:12Anna Williamson:I was in the office and I was wetting myself. It was so funny. Is she really taking the memo to being clear voice note? Yes, she has. Well done. Bex, what are your five favourite birds? I think mine. So you've got to have a top five. So I've gone flamingo. Mine. Penguin. Oh, yeah. Owl. Swans. And ducks. But then you get into a whole realm of things. What about geese? I don't like geese. Robins. I like a robin. Crows. Oh, no. Pigeons. Emus. emus might take over owls I don't know what do you think five favourite birds new segment bye can we just take a moment all of us to probably say that's voice note of the year so far oh my god what do you we'll move on to five favourite No, I'm actually with her a lot.

3:20Anna Williamson:I would say flamingo number one, ducks, just a standard little duck, like Boris number two. Then I would go for a penguin as well. I do like a penguin. And then a blue tit. Say that again. I do like a penguin. Okay. I thought you said penguin really weirdly then. Penguin? Yeah, no, you're fine. How do you think I said it? You sounded like you said penguin. Penguin. Penguin. I like a penguin. Pick up a penguin. Pick up a penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. And then a flamingo, a duck, a penguin. Blue tit. Blue tit. And then my last one, probably a swan. Voice note round from Anonymous, so curly hair.

4:09Anna Williamson:Hair. Curly hair. Curly hair. Curly hair. Curly hair. Curly hair. hello I've not voiced anything for a while but I do have a rant and it's about you Anna Anna you are a dirty dirty fucker you keep going on your Instagram stories gross troughing something it's disgusting lip smacking it's making me feel ill sick I might have to mute you vile which I don't want to do because I'm a big fan but stop talking with your mouth open you dirty dirty fucker she's filled anyway love you loads hope you're doing well bye Do you know what? Do you know what? She would be the first person to call someone out for doing that.

4:50Anna Williamson:Oh, disgusting. They're eating on Instagram with their mouth or lip smacking and I can see it. Oh, it's vile. And there she is doing it. You know what I need to call me now? Truffle. Call me Canna. Karen and Anna. Canna. I would like to personally apologise for my disgusting behaviour on Instagram and I will do better. You're not going to stop. But I love that voice note. Thank you, babies. You absolute ledge. We've got a voice note Oh, about first kiss from Amy. Hello, Luranimics. I love the pod and all that jazz. I have recorded this about three times now to make sure that it's clear enough for Miss Imogen Rose Leticia Hart.

5:28Anna Williamson:You are getting all the points. Which I hope it is. It is. I have just listened to Thursday's episode and you were asking for our first kiss, first snog story. Yes, we were. So I have an interesting story I was in year seven and I kissed a boy who'd been my friend for many, many years called Jamie and he's no longer with us which is sad. Jamie's dead. Not trying to speak ill of the dead. That's really sad. However, I think we were both very young and it was very awkward, shall we say. So we used to go behind the science block and behind the science block there was a hill with some bushes and we'd all sneak behind there to have a kiss.

6:17Anyway, so my first kiss with this guy, we started kissing and it felt slimy, which I was like, okay, maybe this is normal. I've never touched my tongue on somebody else's tongue before. Maybe that's normal. It's sluggy. But it was really, really slimy.

6:36Anna Williamson:And then when the kiss finished and we pulled away, there was something in my mouth. Oh, no. Some kind of slimy substance in my mouth. Oh, no, please. Which I now realise, now that I'm older and have thought about it, was likely to be phlegm. Oh. So, I ate phlegm. That's vile. I didn't know what to do. I didn't spit it back out. Oh! I just swallowed it. She swallowed it. So, gag warning. Apologies, Anna. Love you all. Speak to you soon. My name's Amy from Kent. She just swallowed it. Why do we do that? Because she didn't know what it was. She was only young. Even as people, we sort of freeze in these moments and then we try and be polite to the other person.

7:27Anna Williamson:It's a very British thing to do, actually. I just had so many memories there of the 90s unlocked. And I don't know why. When she said science block, I remember that somebody threw a used condom up in the bush outside the science block. They'd obviously had a shag on the school premises and it was half filled with cum. And they threw it on the bush outside the science block. I just remember the joy. It was like a mecca. Everyone standing around this Johnny. And then the caretaker had to come along with one of those, you know, the rubbish litter picker. And then like pick it off the bush. I always remember that.

8:01Anna Williamson:Brilliant.

8:06Anna Williamson:Oh, hold the front page, guys. It's a controversial segment. We love it. Some of you don't. But here we go. It's a Rate My Fart from Elle's. Hey, girls, please rate my fart and add this to your orchestra. Side note, I had to go into the disabled toilet in a very busy restaurant to release the beast. Here we go, Elle. Listen to this. It's too good to miss. Da-da-da-da-da-da.

8:38Anna Williamson:Maestro strike it up again please Elle that is phenomenal that is phenomenal that's a goodie a face afterwards it's a video is it a video? show us a face it's too good to miss da da da da da da

9:00Anna Williamson:She's so buzzing about that. L's. Well, L's. I'd say it's a solid 10. I'd say it's a solid 10. It's a 10. I think you've topped it this year. I'd say that's the one to beat. I thought it would be funny to record a fart and randomly send it to someone. So I sent one to my buddy Ox, the world's most obnoxious contractor. the man who drew a cock and balls all over the interior of my bathroom wall when he remodelled it. He didn't respond to my fart text. But the next morning, he sent me this. What? And he continues to send loud, long arse farts on a weekly basis. Hang on a minute. So they're communicating by fart.

9:41Anna Williamson:Only by fart. Just by fart. Yeah. Here we go. That's it.

9:48Anna Williamson:Oh, it's in the toilet bowl.

10:01Oh, what a good one.

10:06Anna Williamson:I would say he hit a perfect middle C with that. That was like that. Someone can put that to a B. You know what I love about that? Halfway through, you hear him going, like bracing himself with the breath. You know what that says to me? he has stylised and choreographed the amount of pressure he's exerting. Can I say well done that man? You can hear how happy he is at the end there with his achievement. He's buzzing. Voice don't rant from Anonymous, so Meredith. And she topped that. How is it that my mum has her phone in her hand literally all the fucking time but every time I ring her she just doesn't fucking answer the phone?

10:40That's always there on her person. Either in her hand or round her waist, round her shoulder, on the fucking strap that I bought her so she could do her gardening with her phone and listen to the podcasts that she listens to. And she just fucking is always on it. But she never answers when I call her, ever. She never fucking answers when I call her. Nor do I. You're literally holding it every single time I see you. I think it's because she's got one of those fucking boomer cases that she has to, like, open it. And then by the time she's opened it, and tried to swipe down. All the cards are in it.

11:10Anna Williamson:The cash, the flappy. Fucking doctor, yeah. The business card. Oh, God, so annoying. My mum has that. what is it about my mum has that she's always flapping with the cover flapping with the cover the little button that buttons in you've got to unflap that bit, flap it around the specs come on, she's holding it out it's paraphernalia my mum never fucking answers to be fair though, in my mother's defence I look at my phone ringing and I don't answer I look at it ringing and I think I'm not answering you I've developed an aversion to picking up the phone I don't like answering the phone Do you know what?

11:49Anna Williamson:I just don't fucking like speaking to people, okay? You don't, no. That's fine. I don't like it. I don't want to talk to it. I was in the gym with Ted this morning, and I was like, do you know what? I just don't want to fucking talk to people. I don't want them to talk to me. I don't want to hear about their bullshit. I don't care about their life. I just, I'm sick of it, okay? I'm sick of talking to people. I just want a dog, a goat, a cat, a pig, several horses, a flock of ducks, and a couple of peacocks. Anyway, voice note from Anonso Egbert. Hi, first time. Goodbye, eggplants. First time giving a rant to the podcast.

12:26Just want to say first and foremost, love the three of you. You three are literally like friends. A friend's house. I'm having a glass of wine. I'm just chatting shit. You kept me sane for so many months now. I only just started listening in the last few months. And whenever I was still last in the gym or commuting home from work, you guys keep me sane after a really, really shit day. Bless you. Anyway, rant incoming. You know what really fucks me off to the absolute, up-teeth, pissing level? The fact when there's, like, a merge point in the fucking road and you're trying to merge, and there's always that one c*** in the next fucking lane who just won't let you merge.

13:00And it's always when it's fucking raining as well. Like, you just want to merge into the pissing lane and you literally have a fucking accident. Because some c*** just thinks to himself, oh, I'm not going to let you fucking merge in. Like, what the fuck? And it's always some silly old slag with her fucking husband and then that passenger seat. There's, like, a fucking alien who won't let you merge. like why why I don't understand like I will literally throw my car into yours and kill all three of us like I don't give a shit literally I don't like go fuck yourself you old fucking slag you know go sit on a fucking dildo wrapped in sandpaper anyway like I say love the podcast and all that shit

13:34Anna Williamson:I love you Egbert thank you and give me a grandpa name as well like just anything funny because I need a laugh and I really hope they come to the podcast love the three of you you keep me sane much love peace out Oh, peace back. Can I just say, he's my kind of man. Yes, I just love that. It's always some fucking flag. Fucking flag with my husband. Oh, do you know what? I think we all felt that merging lane rage. It's a real thing. And they always look ahead. They never have the balls to even look at you. Yeah, fucking stare me out and don't let me merge you. If you're going to not let me in, at least look at me.

14:06Anna Williamson:Yeah. At least enjoy that moment. Do you know what I mean? No, they don't. They don't. They're just too chicken shit. Right, voice note rant. Reply from Anonymous. So Egbert, it was the fella from the other week ranting about merging. Oh, the lane merger. Okay. Hello, it's me again, Egbert. I just wanted to say a massive thank you for including me on your podcast. I was having a really shit day at work. I was driving home, I was running on minimal sleep and I heard it and I was like, oh shit, that's me. And I was literally pissing myself laughing at my home. I was like, I felt a bit starstruck.

14:40But I just wanted to send you a quick follow-up because I've read some of the comments on socials and to all the people who said that I probably overtook a load of cars and undercut and I probably should have been a bit more mindful, in the kindest way possible, go fuck yourself because I waited, there was 20 cars in both fucking lanes and she still didn't let me fucking merge, okay? I know how to drive. Everyone who said that I probably forced my way in and undercut, go take your fucking driving test, okay? Because you just zigzagging. Like a normal person. Right? I'm angry. I'm gay. I'm fed up of people who don't know how to fucking drive.

15:20No one knows how to drive. If you're about 65 years old, redo your fucking test. Right? Anyway, I needed that again. So, peace out. Much love. And hopefully, maybe we'll cross paths again sooner.

15:31Anna Williamson:Bye. I'm angry and I'm gay. I mean, Egbert, you are the gift that keeps on giving. God bless Egbert. No, but I think a lot of people thought it was when you're, like, exiting a motorway or something and you've got to move over but quite often near where we live in Bishop's Offer there's just two lanes that merge into one lane so there's no right or wrong lane to be in, you have to give way we're with you we are with you we've got a voice note rant from Laura next Laura, Laura Laura, Laura Emma's not quite ready with that so she's doing a song so I do have a rant of the week my mother-in-law calls Kling Film stretch and seal.

16:17Who the fuck calls that stretch and fucking seal? Weird. Never heard that. It's even on the packet. Kling Film. It's fucking Kling Film. Kling Film. Sorry, but it really fucking winds me up. You need to keep me anonymous. I'm Laura and I'm from Guernsey.

16:32Anna Williamson:Do you know what I just realised? We call it Kling Film and it's called Kling Film. Cling film. Yeah. What do you call it? When you say we... You just said it. No, cling film. Cling film. No, cling film. What do you call it? Clean film? Did you think it was clean film? Clean film? I've just realised that it's called cling, as in cling. Yeah, as in cling on. Like a film that clings. Yeah, as it clings to the food. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, cling film. Haven't you ever seen it written on the box? Well, yeah, but I don't know why. I've just always called it clean film. Well, that's okay, babes. You can call it that.

17:08Anna Williamson:But it is cling film. Yes, it is. It's called cling film. It clings to the thing it's trying to cling and look after. Well, I've just got that. Well, do you know, I was this old when. Have you never read the packet? Yeah, but it's just never. Registered. Yeah. I blame my mother because she's clearly been saying it wrong my whole life. She says prosheco. And she says prosheco and avocado. And avocado, yeah. And like. It's your mum's fault. Other shit. Endamame. Yeah, it's your mum's fault. So it's 100 % my mum. Because she's a dumb fuck and I've developed dumb fuck-itis. You have, with clean film.

17:42Anna Williamson:Pronunciation-itis. With clean film. We will be back with your usual days of Luana on Monday. Please do send in all your gaff. Luana at everythingluana.com. You can also send us a message or a watch that on 075-215-64640. Remember, guys, review, follow, rate, subscribe. You know the drill. Don't let us down. Have a good 'un. This has been a global production.